I was up this morning at 5:00 a.m–which I guess is better than yesterday’s 2:45 am!
We flew back from Denmark on Saturday and I am so not adjusted to the time change yet.
We had the most amazing family vacation, taking a Baltic cruise together. My mom came with us, along with both of our daughters (Katie, 18, and Rebecca, 21) and Becca’s husband Connor.
(I apologize in advance to everyone reading this through my daily email! I can just imagine what all of these pictures are going to do to the feed. It may be easier for you to come on over to the website and read it there!).
A Baltic cruise has been on my bucket list for a long time, and we really wanted to invest in a big family vacation this year, so that we could all spend time with Connor and build some family memories that involve him. It’s not super easy incorporating someone else into your family. That doesn’t mean that it’s bad–it’s just that in a way you have to redefine what your family is once a child gets married, so that they feel like they’re totally a part of it and you feel like you’ve found a new normal.
I think we really accomplished that, even if it was raining a lot.
Plus we saw St. Petersburg.
Enough said.
Anyway, I thought I’d share some random thoughts from the passing scene.
Russia is Depressing
Okay, first some context. We spent a few days in Copenhagen, Denmark before our cruise, because I just do not do jetlag well, and I wanted to adjust to the time before the cruise started. I LOVED Copenhagen. I could totally live there (if it weren’t so expensive). It was beautiful, it was refreshing, and we had such fun.
One of the first stops on our cruise was St. Petersburg, in Russia (formerly Leningrad). We spent two days there, seeing Catherine’s Palace, St. Isaac’s Cathedral, the Hermitage, Peterhof, and the Church of the Spilled Blood. It was fascinating.
Everything was stunning, if a little overdone. (Our guide explained, “Russian style is basically too much of everything.”)
St. Isaac’s Cathedral
Catherine’s Palace
By the time Day #1 was over, Rebecca’s big conclusion was: “I can totally understand why the peasants revolted in 1917. As I walked through the palace with all the gold and everything, all I was thinking was, “Go peasants!”
And it’s true. The difference between the rich and the poor was just astronomical. It was disgusting, really.
But communism sure didn’t help Russia very much, either.
And here’s what I found most interesting: we stopped in two German cities that were once East German. They had the communist influence, too. And that influence was nowhere to be seen today. There were flowers everywhere and beautiful buildings and the mood was light and happy, if you can say that. Where there were obvious communist buildings, they had painted them and added extra architectural details so that they weren’t plain and boxy anymore.
I was in East Berlin in 1989, just a few months before the wall came down. I remember what the buildings looked like–they were thrown up in a hurry with no thought to aesthetics. They were ugly. The cars were ugly. Everything was grey. There were no flowers. People didn’t speak in the street very much, and they didn’t make eye contact. It was just so startlingly different from West Berlin.
East Germany feels nothing like that now.
There are even flowers growing right beside doorways, right out of the sidewalk!
It’s like they’ve erased communism, and it’s a happy place again.
But in Russia, as we were driving to all these gorgeous palaces, we passed row upon row of ugly apartment buildings and row upon row of buildings that were basically falling down.
The place still looked like a war zone. And it had this pall over the city, like people were still afraid to laugh or be noticed. I guess when you spend 70 years trying not to stick your neck out, it’s hard to start suddenly saying what you think. It was so difficult to get our guides to even admit that Stalin might not have been a great guy, or that parts of Russian history may have been, well, not so hot.
Here’s just one thing that really struck me: In Copenhagen and in Sweden and in Germany almost everyone lives in apartments (or “flats”), and almost everyone puts flowers outside their balconies.
In Russia hardly anyone does. We hardly saw a single flower the whole time.
It reminds me of the parable from Matthew 12:43-45, about a demon being driven from a “house”, but then it comes back a while later and finds it swept clean but empty, so it invites 7 of its friends to come and have a party there. It’s like Russia kicked out communism but hasn’t replaced it with anything good.
But there is some good news: the churches are really growing. So I just encourage you to pray for Russia, when you think of it. It really needs it!
We Had a Major God Moment
As a family we were reading Henri Nouwen’s book The Parable of the Prodigal Son before going to St. Petersburg. It’s a book where he talks about the impact of Rembrandt’s painting of the parable on him, and it is SUCH a profound book about grace. I think I’ll write a post on that later.
Anyway, while at the Hermitage I was so excited to get to see it up close. Of course, we were there with thousands of tourists and only had about 30 seconds in front of the painting before we were pushed on. But it was still a really powerful experience. (That’s my head in the front; that’s as close as I ever got.)
I Met My Finnish Publisher
While in Helsinki we met up with Markus Miettinen from Flame Publishing who is publishing both The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and 31 Days to Great Sex in Finnish soon! We had a great lunch with Markus and his wife Heidi and they showed us around. So fun!
We Were THAT Family
One of the most memorable parts of the trip, though, was definitely the photographers! On cruise lines they always have people taking pictures of you, and most people pose nicely. Not us. That’s no fun! We like to get real. And so we bought a package where we could keep all the digital photos, and decided to get our money’s worth. We came home with about 300 pictures taken by the photographers, and we got to know some of them so well they were waiting for us at each photo op with new ideas to try!
Of course we posed nicely for some photos.
(By the way, we didn’t plan to color coordinate. We all just got dressed for formal night and realized we were all wearing purple!)
But most of the time we just hammed it up! The girls have a running gag that Katie is touchy feely and is always hugging Becca and she’s always pulling away. We have pics like this when they’re 2 & 4, and 12 & 14, and 16 & 18, and…you get the picture.
So we decided to do another classic family photo pose:
And then thought that we should supplement it with the more modern version:
And they always take pictures when you get off the ship at a port. Why make those boring?
The photographers had such fun with us that they did a PhotoShop shoot one night, and we got a ton of hilarious pictures. Here’s my favourite:
Anyway, it was a wonderful vacation. I unplugged (except for Instagram!) for about two weeks, which I really needed.
Now I’m back home and frantically cleaning out my house because my mom is moving in next week. I’m trying to purge our storage room like crazy. So it’s still a little frantic, but at least I’m recharged, even if I do wake up at 5:30 in the morning.
Right now I’m going to back and read through all your comments for the last few weeks (thanks to Sarah and Cheri for moderating and running the comments section in my absence!) and catch up on emails and then start cleaning again.
I hope you’re all having a wonderful summer, too!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I spent a summer in Russia back in the 1990s as a missionary. I know the depressing feeling you are talking about. There is something bleak and dark about the place. In most places, all the modern buildings are very ugly.
I will say though, that it is a bit different in the countryside – there are brightly coloured cottages there called dachas, the yards of which are bursting with flowers and vegetables. A lot of people there spend time in the country on the weekend, which is when they do their gardening. That might in part explain the lack of flowers in the city.
Still though – I know what you mean. Communism destroyed the soul of the country, I believe. There is still a real lack of joy in the air there – at least, it felt like that when I was there. I hope it’s improved a bit since then.
Yes, I would have loved to have seen the countryside! One thing that I wondered: in other countries that were occupied (Poland, Hungary, Estonia, etc.) they had a history of having a heritage that was “happy”, if you can say that. They had a history of community. Russia’s history has always been bleak. Even before the revolution the average person was just so oppressed. So I wonder if part of the discrepancy is that Estonia had a history to go back to; Russia really didn’t, at least in terms of aesthetics and culture, if that makes sense. I don’t know, I’m just speculating. But it’s like the whole country had all these monuments that were saying, “Look how amazing we are!”, and yet the country itself was falling apart and they didn’t want to admit it.
I do think one of our guides was a Christian–she kept saying, “let’s pray together that there’s no rain tomorrow!”, and talked about all the small churches that are sprouting up. That was encouraging. So I do think there’s definitely hope and a light there.
I was waiting to read about your trip! And I didn’t expect it to be that close to my heart… I grew up in east Germany (I was 4 when the wall came down). So all I remember is kindergarten and in my memory all it feels like is grey and cold. Now the huge difference between east Germany and the rest of the former Soviet Union is that we had west Germany to be reunited with and even though it was not without problems all the 90’s were spend to make East Germany a part of the West. They renovated they whole country. They taught us how to own and run private businesses again after communism. And after a season of trouble most parts of East Germany are now flourishing. Traditional craft businesses and regional specialities especially! (All the best wooden toys come from East Germany!)
The rest of the former Soviet Union not just Russia is still mostly grey and broken even in some country sides. I believe there is a huge spiritual background to all of this, the communists in their system made everybody give an oath with their life to the “father state”. All freedom, possession and trust had been taken from the people who so bad wanted to believe in a better world, instead they were robbed and spied on and murdered by their “father state”. The number of Russian men struggling with alcoholism, children mostly being raised by the grandmothers, women holding the last bits of family together… It’s sad and tragic and runs so so deep. Their is no hope, dignity or confidence or will to even try to change in many of the Russians. Because in communism their was no way to build your own life in a dignified way. They only way up the ladder was through political compliance and corruption. Honest or good work didn’t earn you anything. People were stuck with no way out. They could do nothing of the things we consider normal in the west to improve their life. Everything was owned by the state and the state controlled everything. Because they have been corrupted in every area of their lives from the government all the way down into their marriages and families. The communist would threaten to take newborns from their mothers or kill spouses if they refused to spy on their family members or neighbors or friends. Everybody was spying on everyone because of the terror the government used. This is why nobody trusts anyone and is afraid to speak their mind. It’s life danger, or at least it was for too long.
So yes, please pray for Russia and for all the former Soviet Union that the Lord will break this yoke of bondage and set people free in their true father in heaven. They are thirsty and hungry for truth and hope! We see it here in Israel by the large number of new believers from among the immigrants of the former Soviet Union. I am married to one 🙂
Thank you for that wonderful comment, Lydia! So insightful.
I visited Russia including St Petersberg in 1994. I felt the same way: there’s no wonder the peasants revolted in 1917! Visiting the Hermitage was one of the most amazing experiences I’ve had in my whole life. I could have spent weeks there. I remember something like less than 3% of the holdings are on display. Amazing!!
Seeing the difference in the photos of Germany and Russia remind me of my time in Laos and Thailand! I went as a teenager and helped some friends who were in the process of adopting a baby from Laos. When I crossed the border from Thailand into Laos, I felt like there was a heavy oppression. Laos is communist, and there was a church group we went to that was later busted and they had to flee to Thailand for their lives! It’s sad to step outside our bubbles and to see the state of the world where evil reigns. :/
I noticed the same thing about Germany with the flowers, even at the airport! It’s such a beautiful country, even after all that happened there! Also, I just wanted to say that your hair looks fantastic! 😉 it looks like your vacation was awesome!
True story: I texted my hairdresser the day before I left (she’s a good friend of mine) and said, “I don’t think I can manage this new hairdo!” But that morning after my shower was the first time in a month I actually liked it. So I kept it. And I’m glad! 🙂
Love the pictures! I also love that you talked about making room in your family vacations for a “new” family member and wanting to make that special. Our daughter, also 21, was just married in June and I have been contemplating how to help make a welcoming spot for our new son in law for holidays and vacations and building those family memories that include him. So that was encouragement for me~thank you!
I can relate with you and others about Russia. My husband’s job had us live in Moscow in 1997. There was a stoic beauty to some things, but an utterly depressing feeling among the people in the daily life. Trust was a foreign concept (no pun intended). We would come back to the apartment we were renting some days and could tell someone had been there snooping. One day we came back and walked in on the woman renting the apartment to us; she said she was watering the (one) plant. We learned that we had no privacy and could never leave anything around we didn’t want gone through. Same for my husband at his office. Made us wonder how terrible life would have been under official communism when we where experiencing the ugly fruits that lingered. Country side was beautiful though! Going to the datchas would be a breath of new life. There were growing things and sunlight in the country side, an escape from the gray concrete corridors that are daily life to the “normal” folks while in the city. We had three of our kids with us then; we would always draw attention when we were out. I had several older ladies stop me on the street (literally!) and wave a finger at our kids and say Too many! I have kept Russia in my prayers ever since.
Wow! How interesting. I don’t think I’d be too happy about people snooping on me. What a great experience to have had, though.
My husband and I took a Baltic cruise a few years ago, and we loved it. I had always wanted to go to Denmark, so I was really excited that Copenhagen was the port. I agree with you that St. Petersburg was really depressing. On our trip it hardly rained, and the tour guides in almost every port said that we were so lucky to have such nice weather. That by far has probably been our favorite trip together. It’s absolutely worth every penny.
HI Sheila I’ m glad you had such a great time with your family. Being German I just have to comment on the flowers etc.in the formerly East German cities. After the wall came down the German state introduced the so called solidartiy tax, an extra tax that only the people in former West Germany had to pay. That money was used to build up the former German East and was invested, among other things, into renovating the ugly buildings from communist times. They called this Aufbau Ost. Aufbau means to build up. We still pay the solidarity tax today, 26 years after the wall came down! That being said I’ m very happy that our country is not divided any more and I love to travel to Dresden with is in the eastern part of Germany. A beautiful town! Best wishes Annette from Germany!
I never knew about that tax (though I do think after 26 years maybe it’s time to end it! 🙂 ). But you could definitely see where they had made those buildings beautiful. I think that’s great that the government did that!
I love it! The pictures are so great! Glad you had such a wonderful time & thanks for sharing part of history with us?
Russia is a bruised country and I’m not sure they can recover. Our youngest daughter was adopted from there and our two trips there were eye opening. We need to pray for Russia as recently they passed a new law that is really going to clamp down on Christian churches and they had been very open to the Gospel previously. Also, there are millions of children left in orphanages whom no one there will adopt because it is a taboo to adopt there. So many hurting people in a country whose life has been wrung out through communism and the current type of “freedom” they are now under. We lived in real life while there (not tourists) and stayed with a “family” of women—3 generations under one roof, no men. The daughter who was about my age at the time said there were no good men in Russia to marry. Her father had left when she was very young. Alcoholism and communism are 2 of the huge destroyers of joy and life in that once beautiful country.
So sad, isn’t it? The life expectancy of Russian men is so low because they all drink themselves sick. And Russian women are trying so hard to get out that they fall so easily prey to the sex trade (they follow ads for jobs, etc. ) It’s just so heartbreaking. It’s as if the people have never really had a chance or been given a break. It was horrible before communism, worse under communism, and horrible now too. Lord, have mercy.