Loneliness in marriage is a unique kind of loneliness. You feel alone–even when someone’s with you. And in many ways, that’s harder to deal with.
I’m in Countdown -24 hours mode, where my mom has to turn over the keys to her house in 24 hours and there’s still stuff to move. So I’m going to head over there and help her, and I’m so delighted to have Tiffany Godfrey join us today to issue a warning about how we deal with loneliness in marriage–do we turn to Jesus, or do we start thinking that life would be better with someone other than our spouse?
Here’s Tiffany:
A Romantic Date Night Turned Sour
I want you to picture yourself on a romantic evening with your husband.
You’re on a boat in a lake. The sun is setting and the sky is a beautiful majestic purple.
Your husband rows you out into the middle of the lake. The two of you have been laughing and talking all day. You’re eating your favorite dinner and you’re enjoying your favorite love music. He even gives you that beautiful diamond bracelet you’ve been talking about all year.
It’s been, well… a romantic evening.
You feel good, you’re starting to feel tingly, and this puts you in the mood to make love.
It’s something you haven’t done in a while, but because your husband has showered you with so much love, communication, and that new bracelet, you can’t resist him.
But suddenly you and your husband have an over something minor—of all things, one of your kid’s report cards!
It started as a light disagreement.
But then, he pushes your buttons and then you say some things to totally insult him. You’re angry and the last thing you want to do is apologize, so you don’t. And the thought of sex now sounds repulsive because you no longer feel loved. You feel rejected, alone, and distant from your husband.
Was fighting really worth it after all of the wonderful things you did and said to one another on this night?
Instead of responding to your harsh words, your husband swims off, leaving you in the middle of the lake by yourself without telling you where he’s going or when he’ll be back.
You’re so far out in the lake that you can’t even see the shore anymore.
He swims off with the oars and to top it all off, you can’t swim!
“Rescue Me!”
How does this make you feel? Lonely, rejected, shut out of your husband’s life?
I’ve been through this mental battle many times with my husband.
Often times we’ve had disagreements and arguments, both over trivial and major things in our marriage.
At times we would talk it out, but at other times we would become distant from one another.
While my husband would get hurt and frustrated over some of my actions, I don’t think he could ever understand the pain and loneliness I felt when he’d shut down and refused to talk to me about our problems.
I felt like I was alone and needed to be rescued.
I felt vulnerable and ostracized from my husband. And the sad thing was that in my mind, there were a ton of other men sitting in other boats on my lake of heartache, just waiting to get into my boat.
In other words, I would feel like cheating…at least in my mind!
Have you ever felt this way?
What Choice Will You Make in the Middle of Loneliness?
When you feel lonely and stuck in your marriage, you have one of two choices at this point.
1) You can entertain one or more of the other men in the boats of your mind by allowing them to get into your boat. Another word for this is adultery.
There are three types of adultery.
One type is physical adultery. In most cases a married woman will not cheat physically on her husband initially. Something has led to this type of action.
Women are emotionally stimulated. And when they don’t feel loved by their husbands, at times they will seek out affection and validation from other men, even it’s only in their minds.
Mental adultery occurs when a woman constantly fantasizes about being with another man. She blocks her husband from her thoughts and replaces him with the “man of her dreams” (as she imagines).
Mental adultery could involve thinking about something as innocent as holding hands and walking on the beach with another man. Or it could be as racy as imagining that you are having sexual intercourse with this man. In fact, some women have been guilty of thinking about the “other man” when they are actually having intercourse with her husbands!
I have been guilty of mental adultery.
Earlier in our marriage when I became frustrated with my husband, my mind would often wander…
I’d think about how wonderful it was to be with another man and doing this would take me away from the reality of my broken marriage…at least for a while.
Some women who struggle with mental adultery try to justify their actions by saying, “Well, I’m not sleeping with the man I’m thinking about so it’s not that bad, right?”
Wrong!
Anytime you replace your husband with someone else even in your mind, you are guilty of adultery which of course is sin.
And mental adultery can often lead to the next type: emotional adultery.
Emotional adultery occurs when you begin sharing your heart with another man. You spend time with this man in an inappropriate way. Whenever you begin sharing intimate details of yourself about your goals, feelings, and your marriage, you are setting yourself up to commit adultery.
This could include a:
- Co-worker
- Family friend
- Member at your church
- Even the mail man!
In addition to talking emotional adultery can also include touching, kissing, caressing, and even gazing into one another’s eyes.
These are all things that should occur between a man and women only within the confines of the marriage relationship because it can ultimately lead to sexual activity. And this can lead to a broken marriage, broken hearts, and ultimately a divorce.
While I didn’t commit physical adultery, I realized that my mental adultery was just as damaging to my marriage. And if I didn’t stop, it would lead me to commit the other types of adultery as well.
But thank God there is another option when you feel alone in that boat. I eventually learned how to take this next option.
2) Remember there is someone else in that boat with you: Jesus Christ.
You can reach out to Jesus by talking to Him and telling Him how you feel. He already knows what you’re going through because He was in the boat even before the argument with your husband started.
In fact, He knew you would have an argument!
When you turn to Jesus, He will listen and talk with you.
How Childhood Triggers Affect our Thought Life
There have been many times when I’ve reached out to Jesus and He would respond and show me some things about myself that I needed help in.
In fact, it wasn’t until many years that I realized that the reason why I felt so lonely when Dexter and I had arguments. I struggled with an issue of abandonment from my childhood.
As a child I was often teased, bullied and ostracized by my peers and so-called friends. This happened from pre-school all the way until high school. This often left me feeling lonely, angry, rejected, and distrusting of others. This anger and bitterness, and unforgiveness stuck with me for many years.
And as a result, these emotions played a large part in the downfall of many of my relationships, (even as a Christian), until I made a decision to give my pain to Jesus.
This wasn’t an overnight process. I often felt like the victim because I felt mistreated, and I didn’t learn how to build strong relationships until I was much older.
The Voice of Truth vs. The Voices of Your Past: Whose Voice Shouts Louder?
On my journey toward healing, there were a lot of tears, anger, and playing the blame game within my marriage.
But as I began to reach out to Jesus I allowed Him to tell me who I was instead of listening to the voices of my past. I realized that my husband wasn’t my enemy. And I realized that even though he went silent at times when we disagreed on something, it didn’t mean he stopped loving me. He just needed some space and time to process his thoughts.
For so many women emotions can cause them to feel lonely and ultimately make mistakes and decisions that could hinder their marriage relationship.
It’s so important for us as women to learn who God says we are, instead of listening to the negative voices from your past.
For you it may have been bullying. It may have been an absentee father or an abusive ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. But don’t allow the people of your past to define you and dictate how your life will be today.
Remember that Jesus is in the boat of your heart, and He is waiting for you to turn to Him to receive the love and validation that only He alone can give you. He will never leave you or forsake you, no matter what you do or say.
When you feel like you’re alone, always remember that Jesus is there with His hand stretched wide waiting for you to grab it and open your heart to Him.
Just take time to reach out to Him.
Tiffany Godfrey is a relationship coach for women who offers relationship coaching tools to help women grow in their marriages. She is also the author of numerous books and articles including, The Top 12 Mistakes Married Women Make: And How to Avoid Them! She’s the co-founder of the site: Relationship Missionaries. Learn more about relationship coaching and get a 20-minute coaching session at no cost!
Thanks for that warning, Tiffany, and for your honesty about your own struggles!
Have you found that your past has influenced your decisions about your marriage today–for the worse? Let’s talk in the comments!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Timely post. While I don’t feel the urge to cheat on my husband, there was a time I was so lonely, both literally and figuratively, in our marriage, that I felt I might as well be on my own because at least then I wouldn’t be stuck and could live life my way without having to walk on eggshells to discuss or ask about anything.
Right now I am going through a little loneliness crunch. I am without a vehicle of my own and all of my friends are busy with their own lives to the point of only responding to my ocassional texts with an emoticon. Hubby goes through times of being distant, and he is in one now. If he doesn’t have headphones on, he is shut up behind closed doors watching TV.
He is out cold by the time I get the kids to bed and get myself to bed, so there is no cuddle time or pillow talk. No reaching out for me. Just his back. I snuggle and kiss his sleeping form, but without reciprocation, it gets lonely.
We don’t go out on dates because unless they involve a man-movie or other people he can talk with, he isn’t interested. He doesn’t talk about my dreams, only his. He doesn’t talk about my interests, only his. I have researched his interests so I can converse with him, but it isn’t the same as being heard, myself.
I am incredibly lonely and God hasn’t opened a door to recovery, yet.
That sounds really tough. Sorry that you are going through a season of loneliness. I hope you are able to communicate how you are feeling to your husband. In the meantime, saturate yourself in prayer and God’s word. Call out to Him; He can handle it!
Yes, I agree. Calling out to God helps. The Scripture that came to mind during my study was Jeremiah 33:3 which says, “Call to Me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.”
When we seek God He will respond. At times I have found that my feelings of loneliness and frustration are times when God is calling me draw closer to Him. And when I seek Him, whether it’s for a day or a week, He responds to give me more direction.
Our times of being in the pit are times of being closer to God. 🙂
Hi Libl: Thank you for sharing your heartfelt story. I have felt this way many times. Often my husband has had so many things on his mind and/or people are pulling on him for one thing or another. And when you have small kids, it can also be difficult to connect as much because your kids need so much of your attention, but it is possible.
However, after 16 years of marriage, I have slowly learned to do what I can to stay connected with him and then turn my loneliness and my husband over to God.
Here are some of the things I’ve done:
– Knowing that men are very visual, I have tried to look my best – hair done, cute outfit, makeup, or whatever he know he likes about you. (To me, it’s shallow for a men to be so visual, but this is how God made them. It would be a losing battle to fight, so I try to give in…most of the time. 🙂
– Learn his love language. As much as I love to hug and cuddle, my husband is an acts of service guy. This makes him feel loved by me and it gets his attention.
– Spend some quiet moments with God. At times when our husbands are distant it feels very unloving. If we’re not careful, the enemy can find us in a vulnerable place, send one of his “people” and we find ourselves replacing our husbands with this “image” of a great guy. Only God quench your thirst for attention and validating during your times of drought within your marriage. There are some great books that will help you to draw closer to God. Of course His Word is top. But Shannon Ethridge has a book called, “Every Woman’s Battle” In fact, I’m preparing to reread that soon. 🙂
Of course, sex is important. You may want to try sex in the morning before the kids are up. That has worked for us many of day. LOL!
Also, journaling has given me comfort. In addition, find something you can do to enjoy. Treat yourself to some ice cream. Or go sit in the park and sit quietly.
You can get through this! 🙂
–
Looking “pretty” is not going to help this poor lady get her husband’s attention. She probably does everyday with no result. She is in a marriage of extreme neglect, like I have been, and makeup does NOT help with this. That is so shallow.
I dress up. I “speak” his love language. He is the lower drive spouse and gets sex his way whenever he wants. I give him space, smiles, compliments, I engage in his hobbies when he wants me to, I initiate conversations on topics of interest to him. I don’t bore him with “girl talk.”
I take care of myself, engage in hobbies of my own, do things with the kiddos, spend time with God, cry out to Him.
All bases covered….still hurts, still is a loss. Still lonely.
Hi Libl: Thanks for your follow up.
That can hurt when you are trying to give your all, but not seeing change.
And at times, I have felt that way too.
Continue to cry out to God. If you are a reader like me, one of the things that has helped me is to find Christian based books. During the earlier years of our marriage when our finances were low and we lost our home, it was really tough.
After years of being frustrated, I realized that I needed to dive deeper with God. I spent about a year or more studying one subject, “The love of God.”
That helped me so much, because it helped me to overcome my loneliness when I felt that my husband left me by myself emotionally because I knew that God loved me no matter what.
For you, it may not be the love of God it may be something else. But God will speak to you and take you on an amazing journey as you continue to seek Him.
Another thing that has helped me is setting goals for my marriage. If you can’t do this on your own, I do marriage coaching for women to help them to set attainable goals and strategies. This can help you to set some personal strategies for working on your marriage. If you would like to get a no-cost 20-minute consultation, you can go to: http://relationshipmissionaries.com/contact/
Hope this helps and have a great week.
No, not so helpful. First you basically blamed her in a subtle way–telling her to do her hair and put on a “cute outfit”. Wow.
I’ve done all this. You can’t fix a marriage all on your own. When I did all that you suggested, he thought the marriage was great because ALL of his needs were being met yet I was lonely, literally alone while he worked, watched TV, played sports. Months of marriage counseling taught me that he was so uncomfortable with any negative emotion and conflict that he did the equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears and saying “la-la-la, I can’t hear your” when I tried to address anything. I was told to approach him with carefully worded statements of “I feel” and “I am getting the impression that you..”, then he said that he felt like I rehearsed topics ahead of time. Well, yeah, it’s hard to be so careful and guarded with every phrase.
I wish for once someone would be honest and say that this might be all there is. I don’t want to divorce over vague loneliness and unhappiness and I need someone to give realistic advice, not “Jesus is in the boat” and to dress nice. I know I sound angry; I am angry because the church gives no help or empathy to women like me. There are a lot of us.
I started down the emotional affair route and have pulled back and corrected that–I don’t want to cause harm to another marriage and my husband deserves better from me, but it was so good to not feel lonely. My “amazing journey” looks like it will be learning to have a full and interesting life in spite of my husband’s inability to emotionally connect with me. I would like to have someone say, “I am so sorry, that really sucks” instead of telling me to look prettier and learn his love language.
I totally can relate. I’m a Christian. I’ve seen God work. I’ve seen Him work in my marriage in the past. That’s why, with my loneliness, the distance we’ve had, lack of affection, sex but no little affection, him wanting to spend time with other people and other things but not with me or our kids, heartbroken I turned to God. For years I prayed but saw no change. My husband is a good man, I’m not trying to bash him. He loves helping others, talking to others, spending time with others. But with me and the kids he complains, makes excuses , even scowels when he looks at me. I just feel unloved. He’s never been affectionate. It was an issue early on in our marriage. But he said he wasn’t raised in an affectionate family, it was just foreign to him. He got a little better over the years and I accepted that it didn’t feel natural for him. I desired little things. Just a look and a smile. I just wanted to know I made him happy. But recently, he connected with two biological sisters (he was adopted). And he’s gotten really close to one of them. They text and talk throughout the day and Skype every night. This has gone on for over 2 months. And he has such strong affection for her. They tell each other several times a day. “I love you”. He’s even told her ” I love you so much. I can’t stop thinking about you.” “You will always be my princess “.(something he has never said to me or our girls. He has never used any terms of endearment) Now it’s important to say I don’t think anything weird is going on between them. But what hurts is now I know he has the capacity to show affection and love, just never that strong for me. Or our girls for that matter. I really am having a hard time processing this. My girls have even made comments to him about all of this. My oldest daughter was hurt because the week before she left for college he spent every night skypeing with them and did not show an interest in spending time with her. Even her last night home. And he left the day after to fly to go see the one sister for 4 days. My youngest said “dad smiles with his teeth for aunt Amy, we only make him a little happy, she makes him really happy”. I love that he finally found and connected with them. I’m just hurt that the capacity to love and show affection was within him the whole time, he just doesn’t feel it for me. I’m trying to change my focus. Not rely on him for my happiness. But We’ve been married 27 years. If this is as good as it gets, and I have to stand by and watch him give love and affection to another woman that I wanted from him for so long, can I live with that? I know this post was long. I’m struggling. My husband is not a pastor but he is a leader in our church. People turn to him for help. I feel I have nowhere to turn. This just seemed like a safe place. Hoping, praying for some clarity.
I feel lonely in my marriage most of the time. Unfortunately, when my husband has done something that hurt me, and I actually choose to share my feelings about it with him, it always turns out bad. He proceeds to tell me all the reasons why what he said/did wasn’t a problem or offensive. His “defense attorney” shows up to rationalize and justify his words and behavior — which just makes him feel like a very unsafe person. I always feel like insult was added to injury. I have not experienced temptation to have an affair in any form (not even fantasizing). My temptation is having thoughts about being “free”, no longer being married to him or in a relationship with anyone else either.
Hi Chris: I’m not sure what your husband did to hurt you, whether it was mentally or physically. However, depending on the nature of the hurt, I would encourage you to seek out coaching or counseling.
As women, we need someone to talk to.
Of course we should go to God first. I would encourage you to take some quiet time and share your heart with God. Make sure you have a journal to write down your thoughts and conversation with God. And with that being said, Be real with Him. Ask Him who you can talk to.
But then, get quiet and be still. Wait to hear from God. He may answer quickly or it may take some time. But keep seeking Him. James 4:8 says “…if you draw near to Him, He will draw near to you…”
He wants you to spend time with Him and He wants to respond. But He often needs time to prepare our hearts so we can receive from Him. God loves you and He wants to talk to you about your situation. He also wants to lead you to the right people/resources to communicate with. Whatever you do, give Him some time to talk because what you don’t want to do is to share your heart with someone who can’t really help you.
Hope this helps. 🙂
Chris says
July 27, 2016 at 11:40 am
Chris, My experience mirrors yours in so many ways. Every time I bring up an issue or something that has gotten me to the breaking point with my wife not only does the “Defense Attorney” come out but she actually goes on the offensive, getting loud and combative. In full disclosure it is only ever 2 things that drive me to wish I was no longer married. But they are pretty important to me. One is the constant battle and strife that my house is always either going through or under the cloud waiting for the explosion. She constantly battles with all of our children except the youngest.
It’s to the point that anything my college age daughter does she has a problem with, and she is a pretty good kid comparable to her peers. I constantly field her complaints about them all. Most of the time I completely disagree with the things she choses to literally lambaste them for on a daily basis. When I tell her so then I am not being supportive of her. Sometimes I go along with her for solidarity in parenting but many times in good conscience I just cant support her stance and certainly not her tactics.
The other issue is more personal and before reading some of Shelia’s writings I was thinking of myself focusing on my needs as being selfish. As a man of almost 50 I still have almost the same sex drive as I had when I was 25. When my wife and I were first together she was always interested and rarely said no. right after the birth of our first child there was a big drop off, we continued having children, and while they were young we were down to once or twice a month. I have been patient for years but am at the end of my rope. On average we might be intimate 3 times a month.
My wife never initiates and is rarely even receptive to any affection, or touching. She complains that she thinks I always want or expect it to lead to sex. I explain to her that if it were up to me we would make love every morning and every night. So if 2-3 times in a week I attempt to be intimate or even physical in any manner with my wife, and at least 2 of those times I am rebuked, I am exercising restraint by not asking for it the other 10+ times a week.
Maybe twice a month she will actually fully enjoy the experience. The other 1-2 times a month if they happen she just goes along with it, puts no effort at all in and it feels very transactional to me.
There is always an excuse, to tired , something hurts, etc. Yet none of these issues prevent her from going to work (Part Time) or to any PTA, or kids sporting event.
I am an excellent provider, Pay all the household bills, am a very active parent despite working long hours. I ask for very little ever from her. I don’t care what or if she cooks, I cook or order out as much or more than her anyway. I just ask that she dedicate a half hour or less (Could gladly be more if she wanted) 2-3 times a week.
As that request seems unreasonable to her I don’t see how I can stay in my 20 year marriage any longer. At this point I don’t even know why I am trying.
I’ve tried sharing some of the readings I have looked at recently to no avail. She claims to love me very much, but has not moved at all to meet me anywhere near halfway.
I can relate. I’ll never forget the anniversary date that turned into a major argument with shouting and everything. I felt so lonely, and was trying so hard! We just couldn’t seem to get it together. My mental adultery took the form of romance novels. In bed, I longed to be somehow capable of separating myself from my body, and just come back when it was over. My husband is a good man. He’s always loved me and always been faithful. His desire was always for me. Why couldn’t I enjoy and desire him? What kept loneliness a part of the equation. We’re even in ministry. I just kept thinking, “It shouldn’t be this way!” I encourage women to think of their loneliness as the emotional frustration equivalent to a man’s sexual frustration. We have emotional needs, and when they remain unmet, it hurts and is hard to be mentally faithful. Thanks for the reminder that Jesus is part of the equation to help us through emotional temptation. God values our sex lives. The Bible contains a Biblical picture; sex is a sacrament representing the relationship between Christ and the church (Eph. 5:31&32). By keeping it in marriage, we honour the sacred relationship and unity we have with Christ. He wants to lead us through the loneliness into places of value, understanding, and fulfilment.
Thanks for sharing your story. And I’m glad you are uplifting your husband especially the fact that he’s faithful because infidelity is what leads many women to commit adultery. But people need to know that there are some good Christian men out there!
Yes, that mental adultery is a BEAST, but I thank God that He is greater than any temptation.
Like you, my husband has been faithful. What I have had to do is look at my past. What is causing me to mentally reach out to other men for attention and support? Why isn’t my husband enough for me?
It’s easy to get caught out there when you are vulnerable due to loneliness. And the fire can get even hotter when you are in ministry because if the enemy takes you down, he can take your followers down because of your influence.
At times, we have to eliminate the culprit, whether it’s a novel or a TV show. And the good thing is that God doesn’t want to totally eliminate our desires. For instance, you said you like to read. There are so many great Christian novels that focus on the characters having a healthy love relationship.
One speaker said we can’t eliminate something, we have to replace it.
Stay encouraged as you continue to minister to others. God is going to use your struggles to impact many! 🙂
Thank you for this post. lm guilty of mental adultery. My husband cheated and is not remorseful. lts difficult to leave. l found solace in having an imaginary man who understands me. l know its wrong but lm struggling to find an alternative. l think also growing up thinking that adultery is only physical, l have never imagined myself having an affair. will take my burdens to Jesus as you have suggested. thank you
Hi Amy:
Thanks for sharing. I know it can be difficult to find out that your husband has cheated on you. While I have never gone through the pain of physical adultery, I didn’t think the mental adultery I was committing was just as hurtful to both my husband and myself. But like you, I found out it was.
I would encourage you to seek out counseling, even if you need to do it alone. This is a tough road to come back from. I have had a lot of friends who have gone through this. Some have made it, but they’ve had to go through the process of forgiveness. In addition, you need to guard your heart as, well while you are going through this. I think finding a good Christian counselor will help this. 🙂
My husband and I recently survived a very rough time in our marriage and during that time I found out that I was constantly on the phone with a male friend that I thought understood me. I stopped seeking out my husband and I would talk late into the night with this friend of mine.
Thankfully, my husband and I came back to our senses and we are actively working on our marriage and I have since stopped communicating with that friend.
Hi Olamide: Thanks for sharing your comment. It can be really rough when you feel lonely. Many of us fell alone and vulnerable. We’re reaching out.
As yourself, I reached out, but in my mind.
I’m glad that you recognized that your marriage was worth working through. And I am glad that you’ve made the decision to work on your marriage relationship. 🙂
My husbands pulls away when he is stressed . His mind shuts down and then he dont talk. I on the other hand have to shout and scream i want to fix everything. I find myself giving up and wanting to walk away i just dont have that fight left in me anymore. I have been married for 11 years and my husband has been making comments like if i get mad that other wife’s go out with him and his friens he will just stay in the house and be miserable like he always is. We have 4 kids i cant remember the last time we went out just the 2 of us. I admit i get mad because he thinks me going to buy food or clothing ect stuff for the kids or house is going out. When he gets to go out and play pool or have time with out me and doing stuff with friends and not with me. What am i supposed to do than feel lonely im with kids all day and have no life any advice would be greatly appreciated. yhanks
Hi Shirley:
My husband shuts down when he gets stressed as well. But over the years, I’ve learned to give him his space and just be there for support when he needs me. As I give him space, he tends to open up.
Not sure about the ages of your kids, but I know how it can be when you have little ones tugging at you all the time. If you are a stay-at-home mom, that can be tough. I have been there. As much as I love my kids, the joys of my life have been September when school starts! 🙂
It gives my kids a time to socialize with other friends and it gives me time to think, pray, write and or go out if I want to.
The good thing is that kids grow up and become a little more independent. At around age 4, I could let my kids watch TV or play a video game at least for a few moments while I detox.
At times, husbands don’t understand the value of dating in marriage. But you may want to consider a “home date”. If your kids are small, take them outside or to a park and let them play, play, play.
You could prepare them for dinner early. And then get them settled (and possibly in bed), so that when hubby gets home, you can do a dinner for two. Make his favorite meal. You don’t have to mention that it’s a date. Just do a quiet dinner for two. If he eats and you guys can just sit alone eating then consider that success. And the next time, you could add something to it, like a movie. Take it in bite-sized steps and appreciate the moments you have where you slowly going back to dating.
Hope this helps. 🙂
I don’t feel the urge to cheat, however, this is my second marriage. I find I have a “what’s the point” attitude that overwhelms me.
Most of my loneliness comes from him being on his phone. Not working, but playing games (he is almost 50) or on facebook, or reading junk emails etc.
I sit in silence, staring at him. I often think that I could get up and walk away, and he would never even notice.
I have asked him to get off his phone, I have told him it hurts, that I am lonely, that I feel invisible. he says he will ….but then within minutes, he is back on it.
I have found a wonderful book. I’m in the process of reading it right now but so far… AWESOME! “Married but Lonely.” And it’s written by men. Its a how to book on how to get your needs met. Biblically.