Can a formula or routine help you to have a better sex life?
It’s Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage (and often sex)! And today I want to share with you a post sent to me by Dani from Whimsy in My Cup about how she and her husband manage to prioritize their sex life. I think it’s great fuel for discussion!
The simple truth is that sometimes (often!) life gets busy. And Dani says that instead of waiting for the perfect conditions to make love, you have to create those conditions and work to a goal. Interesting.
I know what she means about how life gets busy–I’m still sick (seriously, I sound awful), but my internet is back up, so my mood is much better! So that’s the update on me. Now here’s Dani:
My husband and I have been married nearly 19 years. We now have four daughters – three teenagers and a toddler. But just a blink ago, my husband and I were in a different season. It was the season of three toddler girls running around the house. Many of you know exactly the season I’m referring too! Maybe you’re in it right now.
As a parent, the infant/toddler season is probably one of the most physically exhausting stages of your kids’ lives but at the same time, one of the most rewarding.
It’s when you have a handful of toddlers running around that you realize if your marriage is going to get any attention, you’re going to have to be intentional about making it happen. Because toddlers are wearying and babies are time-consuming. And if you aren’t careful, you can end up neglecting THE most important relationship in life – the one of you and your husband.
So, it was while my husband and I were in this season that I developed the 2+2 theory.
We all have needs and men’s and women’s needs are vastly different. I love that the Creator did such a seemingly odd thing by creating us so different. It definitely takes the dull out of life but it can also actually make life incredibly pressurized.
We often don’t understand each other at first try and unless we chose to learn this life dance, we can end up hurt, broken and empty. But if we chose to take the journey of growing and discovering ‘who this person is’, we can live complete, fulfilled and abounding. When life seems to be pulling farther than you can be stretched, we have to protect the most important relationship – our marriage.
Experts say that a healthy man needs sex about every 3 days.
(Seriously, girls, he NEEDS it!) Being a woman AND a mother, I know that, though I really enjoy sex, what I need is to feel like a fully alive, beautiful, confident woman – not just a mommy – or I can start feeling like sex is just another task to add to my to-do list and there ends up being no enjoyment in an act that God designed for pleasure and beautiful intimacy.
For both of these needs to be met in our marriage, God gave me this 2 + 2 thought. And though, I’m the last person to want to establish a rule or be ‘religious’ about something, this practical wisdom really helped my husband and I stay connected through a wonderful but wearying season of life and marriage. And this little theory continues to be at the heart of my vision for a healthy marriage.
So, what is the 2 + 2 theory?
The first 2 is sex twice a week. Plain and simple. This meets the God-given need in man for physical intimacy. Girls, this means being ready and willing – even initiating a time of intimacy with your husband… twice a week.
The second 2 is 2 hours a week of vacation time for mama. It’s important that she can remember the fact that before ‘mommy’, she is ‘woman’. That 2 hours is used in whatever rejuvenates her in a healthy way. Alone time, friend time, workout time, coffee time, shopping time, pampering time… It’s about her finding the sexy woman her husband sees and being comfortable being her and not just mom.
If you feel drained from parenthood or even just an extra full season in life, if your marriage seems to be stale or even suffering, I’d challenge you to try this little theory. Be intentional about growing and thriving in the most important relationship you have on earth!
Dani Stroda blogs at Whimsy in My Cup and is a regular contributor for For View From Home. She released her first book, “Journey Through the Door”, last fall. It is available on Amazon and at revivalrevolution.life. Dani is passionate about empowering women to live healthy, whole and free in life and relationships. Besides her relationship with the Lord, Dani’s biggest obsession is her family – she has been married for 19 years to Mitch and has 4 daughters, ages 17, 15, 12 and 4. You can follow Dani on Facebook and Instagram!
So what do you think, ladies? I like that the 2+2 doesn’t have to be a maximum, it can be a minimum! So it’s not really a formula–it’s just saying that “we need to do at least this”. Let’s talk in the comments!