What are some creative ways to tell your husband, “I’m in the mood tonight!”?
I asked on my Facebook Page recently for people’s ideas, and so many replied with some great ones (and some funny ones!)
So today, for Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I’d share 10 fun ways to say, “let’s get it on!”
But first, why do you need a signal for sex?
Quite frankly, sometimes initiating sex, especially for guys, gets intimidating. What if you’re too tired? What if you’re just not in the mood? No guy wants to feel rejected!
So they stop initiating, we feel rejected, and everything comes to a standstill, even if that’s not what we wanted. That’s how people fall into a sexual rut! But if you have a way to say, “you’re going to get lucky tonight if you want!”, then he’s far more likely to try to sweep you off your feet, too.
(Note: if you’re married to a guy who never initiates sex, or who never wants sex, click on those links for posts that may help.)
So send these signals for sex. It’s a way to keep flirting in your marriage. In fact, if you know that you’re likely to make love tonight, and he doesn’t need a signal for sex to get started–send him one anyway! It keeps your relationship exciting, and it shows him that you’re passionate about it too. If you’re just simply a willing participant, rather than someone who from time to time gets the ball rolling, then it’s not as obvious that you actually desire him.
So let’s get creative–and flirty!
Here goes:
10 Signals For Sex to Have Some Fun Tonight!
1. Put a candle on the bedside table and light it when you’re “in the mood”!
One Facebook commenter said:
We used to have a candle that was battery powered. It glowed with different colors. We ran the battery down… 🙂
2. Change something on the bed to signal, “I want YOU on MY SIDE tonight!”
One commenter said:
We have a throw pillow that I made. One side just matches our bedroom, the other side has a heart on it. The point was that whoever was interesting would flip the pillow to the heart side… Leave it to my husband to let me know every night should be a “heart” night!
3. Wear something that sends a message.
Try a certain piece of jewelry (like a necklace or bracelet he gave you) that you wear when “tonight’s the night”. No one would question why you’re wearing earrings or a necklace, but your husband gets the message!
Or place a nightie in the bathroom in the morning so you can be thinking about sex all day (after all, we women sometimes need some time to prepare for sex–and this is a great way!), and HE gets the message: “this is what I’m coming home to tonight!”
4. Or be SUPER SPICY–and wear something to signal “not just tonight, but RIGHT NOW!”
Try a skirt with no underwear. Let him know that whenever you have that certain skirt on, there’s nothing underneath. And he’s free to explore, or even hike it up and throw you right over the dresser if he wants!
It’s a super fun way to have more quickies. And remember what I’ve written before about the menstrual cycle and libido: after ovulation, often a woman’s libido drops during the latter half the month. It’s harder for her to get in the mood, and it’s often harder to reach orgasm. She’s also a little more moody! This is a great time to take advantage of quickies. It helps her feel super powerful to see how much her husband wants her, it adds some fun and some spice, but it puts no pressure on her to get aroused.
Just have some lubricant handy if needed.
5. Get into bed naked.
It’s hard to mistake that message! Then you can either act all shy or all coy–“why, whatever are you doing?”–or you can climb on top and get right to it!
Or here’s another idea: watching Netflix tonight? Come downstairs in a robe–and nothing else. As the movie unfolds, open up the robe.
Quite frankly, sometimes initiating sex, especially for guys, gets intimidating. What if you’re too tired? What if you’re just not in the mood? No guy wants to feel rejected!
6. Have a code word that tells him, “I’m interested!”
Several Facebook commenters mentioned this one, and the codewords are all hilarious. “Wanna play touch football?” Or how about “I’ve got a craving for some pumpkin soup?”
One woman uses “jungle”, because Tarzan and Jane were married for life. She says, “I have a friend who says, “Sex is like Christmas; why would you say no?” She thinks her friend’s word should be Santa!
Another woman has a more serious signal: “We say it is a “Blue diamond night” since he needs to know in advance to take a blue diamond pill after going through prostate cancer.” Proof that you can still keep love alive, even with lots of roadblocks!
And if you have a husband with a lower libido, and you’ve talked about making more of an effort to increase the frequency of sex, this is also a great way to do it. Signal earlier in the day so that he has time to get himself ready, too.
7. Try a Sex-Only Perfume
Choose a scent to wear ONLY for this purpose! In fact, you can actually train yourself and your husband to get aroused just by the scent. Here’s how:
One night, when you know things are going to go well, spray the new perfume on when things are getting hot and heavy. Do this a few more times when you know that you’re making some great sexual memories. Now when you smell the scent, it will take you back to those memories.
Or spray it right on one area of your neck (or somewhere else, like your cleavage), and right when your husband reaches climax, lean that part of you in so that he gets a great whiff. Now when he smells that–his body will react. It’s another great way to feel powerful!
Here’s another way to use perfume: spray some on a special spot–and ask him to find where you sprayed it. Or use two different scents, and ask him to find them both.
Marriage Shouldn’t Be BORING!
8. Text Him Something Sexy
Even if you’re in the same room–and even if the kids are in the room!
9. Flash Him
Getting up from the couch to go get a cup of tea? Bend over him on the way up. Heading upstairs? Pull up your shirt for a second! Let him know, “This is what you can get tonight if you try!”
10. Finally, Want to Signal Sex? Just Say It!
Sometimes guys appreciate the direct route! “How about dessert after dinner?” Or even, “I hope you’re ready because I have plans for tonight!”
Then take him by the hand–or something else–and lead him upstairs.
That’s how to signal you want sex! What about actually starting to initiate sex? I’ve got some pointers on how to initiate sex right here!
So there you go–10 signals for “I want you tonight!” Now, you know our Top 10 Tuesday policy: pick ONE and do it! And have fun!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
As a man, I’ll leave a tip for you ladies. We are sometimes very very slow to catch on to signals. The only ones I would catch on to are #5 and #9 and I would say I would have something other than “if you try” for #9. Men don’t like feeling like they’re being graded on a scale and end up being told they’re not worthy of sex. I can say in our marriage I’ve had two times where my wife was trying to send me a signal and I was oblivious and missed it.
I still want to go mourn when I think about those two times.
So in all that you say or do, be clear.
Interesting point, Nick. My husband misses signals ALL THE TIME. Then I am left feeling depressed, ugly, and worthless. When I finally break down and tell him how lousy I feel, he gets all upset and says something like, “But I had no idea you were interested! Why didn’t you let me know?” And I feel like – WHAT? I have been sending you the most obvious signals on earth! It’s so frustrating.
Sheila, this is a great post for the wives who have husbands that are actually attracted to them. Thank you for not forgetting the wives who have low libido husbands, and husbands who rarely initiate, thus making us feel unworthy of being sexual.
Great post!
Don’t give signals. Just say what you need to say. If you want to know if your husbands interested, while I know there are some bizarre men who for some reason have low sex drives, for most of us, here’s how you can tell.
Look at your husband.
Is he breathing?
If the answer is yes, he’s interested.
My wife had to have surgery one morning early. It was not a serious matter, but she was still nervous and she was afraid something would happen and woke me up at three in the morning asking if I wanted to have sex.
You bet I did!
This runs deep for us. It is huge. Most every married man I talk to says the exact same thing.
Nick, I think you’re missing the point that many women feel awkward, shy, embarrassed, or for some other reason, don’t want to take such a direct approach. Maybe it feels crass to them, maybe it takes the romance out of it for them. I think we as husbands should not make our wives do things our way, but work out something together that feels right to both of us. I think that most of these suggestions are intended to be agreed-on signals, not mysterious hints that the husband was never privy to and is intended to decipher.
Oh I can understand that, but I am saying I know numerous men that aside from a few, they would not catch on to these clues at all. There is I’m sure a halfway place to meet.
Maybe instead of making this about what you want you could give your wife what she enjoys. Your comment makes me think of how men complain about wives asking for help with the dishwasher and then telling them how to load it. This creates resentment. If your wife wants to initiate sex, allow her to do it the way she enjoys. Don’t make this all about what you like and what is best for you.
I totally understand where your coming from. I’m learning that l must be very clear with my husband when initiating sex… But because I’m super shy it’s kind of hard for me to… So I’ve been texting him when I’m in the mood…or when I’m tying to initiate sex…. It’s easier for me get my message across…
I find your program very interest. You said in your early marriege .you did not find sex interest intact it hurt ,but you were thinking of how to be a good wife,so you went searching.
My was, l was very sexauly active, my wife too. Nutill there was misunderstanding and l lost the apittite
It a problem .l started reseach, that was when l met you. Iam helped with you and other’s
Thank you
Samuel Odoi Glover
I don’t think any of the reasons in the article apply in my situation. My reasons are much different and more than likely won’t go over that well here. I would love to vent, but to avoid being accused of trolling, i’ll hold my steam for now.
From a guy’s perspective…I don’t like anything that would “suggest” she is in the mood. I can’t always know if she is just being flirty or really wants to have sex. The best signs are clear and definite that she is (or will be) ready. It can especially be frustrating when you are the higher drive spouse and are hoping to avoid another crushing “not tonight dear”
Absolutely right. Women have no idea often how deep this runs with us. Rejecting sex for us is not just rejecting a good time. It’s rejecting us. It’s calling our manhood into question. Now we can understand if you say “I really can’t right now, but I will be more than happy to this evening and I will make the wait worth your while.” We get that. If you have to say no, make sure there’s a really good reason because we will call our identities into question. I definitely also agree that we do not catch on to signals like that. We don’t. For most of us men, you have to pretty much spell it out.
It’s the same when men reject women, btw. My husband just … doesn’t respond to me. I get it — it’s a personal rejection, not like saying you don’t want to go to the movies or something.
Yes I agree! It’s the same when men reject women. I recently learned this when I ended up being the one with the higher libido. I never understood why my husband would get so upset with me and ignore me when I’d tell him no. And when I recently went through a marriage journey and I asked God to give me ‘ a higher libido’ what God did was immediately answer that and gave me ‘THE higher Libido’. It showed me how my husband felt when I denied him because I am now denied from time to time. It really is torture and a huge blow. I had never experienced that kind of rejection before by my husband. I’m still working on my reactions to when I am told no because when my husband is upset he stays silent he doesn’t say anything. Me on the other hand am not silent. I let him know how I feel. I have a hard time keeping that emotion in.
Luckily, since that prayer was answered and me given that lesson. My libido and my husbands libido have evened out some and neither one of us really deny each other anymore. If we have to say no it’s because of time constraints or kids being awake.
I think that’s a good point–if a woman is going to signal that she’s interested, then she really should follow through! If, in your marriage, that hasn’t been the case, then I’m really sorry.
One caveat, though: I think saying, “if a woman flirts and then she doesn’t follow through, then she was wrong to flirt” can really hurt your marriage in the long run.
Let’s say that when your wife flirts or signals for sex, 80% of the time something happens. But 20% of the time she gets an unexpected migraine, or something bad happens with the kids, or something unexpected comes up. If her husband then gets upset and says, “you shouldn’t have told me you were going to!”, then she’s likely to stop flirting–even in those 80% of times when something would have happened.
And flirting is so important to a woman’s libido! We aren’t just automatically “in the mood” the way men are. We have to work ourselves up to it, and think about it, and, yes, flirt! If husbands get mad when we flirt, then we’ll stop flirting, and that will seriously hurt our libido.
So I think husbands can be gracious here, too. If your wife usually follows through, then give her grace for the times that stuff comes up.
Now, of course, if your wife rarely has sex, that’s an entirely different story. I’m just saying, I think flirting is a healthy part of a marriage, and when guys set too high a standard, they end up hurting themselves, too.
I totally agree with you here Sheila! For me, flirting IS part of sex! I need to flirt, and grab my hubby’s attention and get mentally prepared if I am going to be doing anything other than a quickie. Sometimes this can take all day, and occasionally something unexpected pops up and I don’t end up being able to follow through, but that is not the norm. But still, the flirting without follow up is still fun and exciting, and might just have to end with a *to be continued…*
I also think that the ‘if a woman flirts and then doesn’t follow through, she is wrong to flirt’ is also a bad mindset to get into – eg victim blaming for rape. But that’s going off topic, I just feel a bit uncomfortable with that viewpoint.
Also, there are a lot of women who are shy about sex, and to put pressure on them to HAVE to follow through after attempting to flirt, is too much in my opinion.
Hello Sheila,
This particular comment you made regarding flirting really caught my attention.
My wife and I have been married 25 years and we are in out mid-late 50s. For several years now, my wife has been “flirting” with me but it is done in a strange way, or should I say it has strange results. She will come up to me and say “I want to spend time with my husband tonight” So, obviously, I respond with hope! And then I try to flirt with her and she usually responds negatively (and no, I am not being improper… just gentle caring flirts). She gets upset and discourages me from flirting because it’s either not the right time, or our daughter is around (she is Downs and still lives with us btw she’s an angel) or some other reason.
Anyhow, because of the hope of the possibility of “spending time” with my wife, I get things ready… candles, a special meal, etc. And when bed time comes, she enters the bedroom and then says “Ooooohhh, I soooooo wanted to spend time with my husband tonight but i am too [insert reason/excuse here]….. how about tomorrow morning instead?” And because I am a fairly patient man, I respond with something like sure honey let’s spend time tomorrow morning. But then I am awake until 3 am due to being “charged up” from the excitement and expectation.
The sad thing is that this “flirting” will go on for up to 12 weeks. By week 4, I get to the point where I no longer believe her, my heart slowly hardens to stone and when I hear the next “promise” I no longer believe it. And yes, that means that we only are physically intimate 4 times a year. And I am the one with the high drive. But this is what happens every 4 months for the past 10 years. To say the least (sorry about the novela), I can’t help but feel a little rejected by this.
When I try to talk and confront her about this, she gets very defensive and will bombard me with a barrage of comments to the point where I can’t get a word in. So I allow her to present her case, allow the air to clear, for her to calm down. Then I will ask her again in a different way, only to have her get angry and storm off and lock herself in our bedroom. Am I incorrect in saying that her response looks like a temper tantrum?
Sheila, I am confused and extremely frustrated. My gut feel is that something from her past hasn’t been dealt with and she is influenced by it.
What should I do??
Martin, that is really hard. I’m sorry you’re walking through this! I do have a post on 10 reasons your wife may not want sex. It may good to read that with her and ask if any resonate, and what you can do to help her. But then I think it’s okay to say to her, “I want us to be intimate. I want to have an amazing marriage with you. I feel as if we are missing out on what God has for us, and it makes me really sad. We need to talk about this and figure out a way forward.” And then insist on seeing a licensed counselor, because it sounds like you may really benefit from one. But it’s okay to talk about this when it’s this important, and to insist that you actually do address it. I’m sorry again that you’re walking through this.
Here’s a thought: why not just ask your husband what kind of signals he would appreciate (and recognize)? Let him know that flat-out asking sometimes feels weird to you, and ask him what he would like you to do to let him know.
The advantage of doing this is that since you’ve let him in on the code-making process, you’ve dramatically reduced the possibility that he won’t recognize the clues. It also makes it harder for him to feign “missing the signals” if the real issue is that he simply doesn’t want sex, for whatever reason.
And if you’re wondering when you could possibly bring this up, a good time would be during pillow talk after you have had sex. It’s on both your minds, he’s probably in a good mood…..
“Rejecting sex is not just rejecting a good time, its rejecting us.” I fully understand this being the wife who is the much higher drive spouse. My husband used to turn me down constantly, and it HURT!!!!! I questioned my attractiveness, my womanhood, my worth. He finally got how badly I was humiliated when I had him read some articles written by MEN aS to how a husband can affect his wife so harshly by constant sexual rejection. He apologized sincerely and promised to never turn me down again. He has kept his promise!! I would still like for him to initiate more than once every 2 years, but here’s hoping!!
So glad that he’s finally understanding, Angie! That’s huge!
Totally!! Our dynamic with each other changed so much when he did that and actually followed through! Plus doting on me during the pregnancy when he had ignored me for 9 years previously, ???????? made me soften my heart towards him again.
Angie, this is me. Seriously, would you please share the links to the articles written by men about how rejecting their wife feels to the woman? I don’t think my low desire husband understands how soul crushing it has been. Would very much appreciate your sharing.
Thanks
I tell my husband straight up “I’m horney “and he says “what do you want me to do about it “
We had this funny exchange this past weekend:
I had done a lot of yard work in the beds around the house while my husband was out of town helping his mom. When he returned, we were walking around the house together and he said, “I have a good gardener”, and I replied “your gardener does good work in other beds too!) Once he realized what I had just said, – we were off to reconnect.
We have also been that couple texting each other in the same room with our teenage children- and one of them will usually ask my husband – “are you texting mom?!”
All good tips Sheila – keep the humor in your marriage!
” Keep the humor in your marriage” I have preached that one to my husband and friends.(whoever listens actually lol) for nearly 20 years 🙂 it’s like a funny joke the universe plays on the different sexes, it feels like a game of tag or hide n seek with our libidos. First it starts off mutual libidos in sync ,chasing each other with tongues hanging out and crazy sex tapes made in our vain youth (I’ve misplaced 3 ???????????? & NEVER published these on “other websites btw ????) and 10 years later it’s every day a quickie at least ….I figured this was my lower libido self , knocking my husband out for a refreshing ,sound sleep ????
5 years rushes by and the daily quickies have slowed way way down ,suddenly I’m Hornier than a rose bush and can’t stop thinking about sex sex….SEX ….But he’s thinking about the work day tomorrow ….and asleep with no help from me ,every night for months this goes on ,I’m in bed naked or dropping hints of how badly I’ve missed him ,or well ,his penis ☺️????☺️ And he’s oblivious. BOOM !
Musical chairs and my libido is left standing when the music stops,totally lonely with no where to go……Until I remembered a old old …OLD buddy I used to hang out with in high school …..my shower head ????
So all is well,and you just gotta go with the ebbs and the flows. It’s not time for the lil blue pill yet for us but I’m positive I’ll being riding on that ship when it comes in & my libido and I can’t wait. Now if it would only stay ravenous thru the cruise to come ,but it won’t ….
WELL PLAYED UNIVERSE ???????????????????????? well played indeed????
Keep the humor in everything and every ONE you do people. It’s kinda crucial to survival (of our sanity)
My wife has virtually NO sex drive and Never Flirts and has also told me she will Never Initiate. At least lately she has been Rejecting me less, but always I have to do All the “Work” and she Always just goes through the motions. When I try to address the problem she always says there is More to a Marriage and I agree, but we never seem to talk about it and make any progress. I don’t know what to do anymore
Do you have advice for someone whose husband seems to be turned off by her initiating… (and then he initiates at the worst possible time and is incredibly pushy about it both physically and verbally)? Also takes complete control during. It feels like he is using sex to assert his dominance over me… he doesn’t seem to want it to be mutual but rather a sign of his power over me. Sex happens here but I’m not sure I remember the last time we made love. And I’ve tried to talk about it but I’m “being silly” and “overreacting”.
That is very concerning–it sounds like, from what you’re saying, that sex is about power to your husband and not about intimacy. That’s really sad.
It’s also far, far too common. That’s what pornography is all about. He dominates the woman; it’s about his pleasure, not hers; and it’s entirely on his terms. And unfortunately, if a guy grew up on porn, or used porn a lot (even if he’s not using it now), it’s likely retrained his brain to pair sexual arousal with fantasy and/or power, rather than anything to do with intimacy. And it seems normal to him!
I’d show him this article on the way porn affects your brain. And then I’d suggest doing something like the 31 Days to Great Sex together, which helps you to talk about what healthy sexuality is, explore a little more based on intimacy, get affectionate again, and learn what each other likes. It’s all about it being mutual, but it’s also about having fun, and if a guy doesn’t want that–there are some serious issues! That’s when you might need to talk to a third party, like a counselor, or a trusted mentor couple, because it just isn’t normal or right.
My husband is one of those rare guys that would much rather stay up late talking than making love. He likes sex, but he has ADHD and starts talking and forgets to stop. I often have to get straight to the point with him if it’s going to happen at a decent hour. Once I decided to walk into the living room welding one of our kids lightsabers…and nothing else. Needless to say, we now have a Star Wars themed code word, LOL!
Awesome… I may have to get the light sabers out with the wife when the kids are with grandparents… A little naked fencing in the dark with light-up light sabers would for sure get the blood pumping!!
Shelia, or anyone else who has had experience in any of this comma I need advice. My husband and I are in a sexual rut because of obstacles that we don’t seem to know how to get past. I’ll start off with some info/backstory, this might get TMI. We have a 6 month old who is breastfed, & a 4 year old not in school yet, I stay home with our boys, and he works very long hours, gone by 3am and home by 6-9pm. So to start off, we are both struggling with normal tiredness and trying not to be constantly stressed. We are pretty much always busy, but both really desire and miss having sex & being intimate. Our 6 month in his own bed by about 4.5 months, but he is still in the same room, and our 4 year old sleeps in his bed in his room. So our struggle with lack of intimacy stems from my husband and I being worried about my being on a birth control pill/etc while breastfeeding, and the affects it could have on our son. About a month ago I told my husband I hated us not having sex and I wanted to just go on the pill, but he refused. The seemingly simple solution would be to use a condom, but that hasn’t been so easy for us. We have never used condoms, and I hate the way they feel. I also always end up getting “out of the mood” as I wait for him to put the dang thing on. We have tried starting with it on, but that didn’t work either because I use him as lube, & so I stayed dry & it didn’t work. I’ve used lube but it dries up so quickly that I lose the mood as I keep reaching for the lube and pouring it out. He has kind of given up and says we will just have to wait till I stop breastfeeding or till he gets snipped, which I don’t want to do, I miss our intimacy and I know that’s not healthy for our marriage. We are so distant, we are constantly stressed and busy and never connect sexually. We want to make sure we use some kind of birth control because we are not planning on having anymore children, after the past 2 scary childbirths & the full plate we have, my husband and I are both very scared of having more children and would like to prevent it as best we can. I’ve told my husband many times that I want to try to have sex at night, we look forward to it, then using a condom ruins it for me (we usually don’t get too far because I end up not being able to stay lubricated, or not get warmed up enough to begin), and after trying for a while we end up atopping, which makes us both feel horrible. I’m sure he feels let down and unwanted. And I feel like a failure as a wife and dissapointed. Please help anyone. How do we try to prevent pregnancy & still have enjoyable sex?!
Hi Michelle, there is the “mini-pill” which is safe while breastfeeding or injectable like Depo-Provera or have a IUCD like Mirena fitted. Contact your Doctor. Good Luck
You can also try a diaphragm or sponge both of which you can put in I think about an hour before hand so once foreplay starts you don’t have to start. You can’t feel them and they will not interfere with you both like.
Hi Michelle, I feel your pain. We had a similar situation after the birth of our first. For several reasons, artificial contraception and sterilization weren’t options for us. But, with some effort, we were able to learn some fairly simple natural family planning solutions that made things substantially better after babies 2 and 3. I’d be happy to message more about this if you would like to…
Yes yes yes to what Leah says! Natural Family Planning methods have come a long way since our grandmas were using the rhythm method. Toni Weschler’s *Taking Charge of Your Fertility* is a great explanation of both method and the science behind it. There are also methods that involve using a fertility monitor to remove some of the guesswork of tracking your cycle.
There are also some “fancy” her pleasure style condoms out these days, often you can get a “trial” pack at some of the online suppliers of multiple “styles” and “shapes”. There are also other options like using hands and lube that might work if you’re not into battery operated stuff 🙂 but that might be an option too. contrary to popular culture “sex” can be lots of things that help you bring each other closer maybe without penetration. Might be somewhere to start anyway…
On a bit broader level, I highly recommend
http://authenticintimacy.com/
try here for an intro.
http://authenticintimacy.com/2-minute-thoughts/what-is-sexual-discipleship-5
At the risk of being crude, or Captain Obvious, if I were in your situation the most obvious answer would be a whole lot of 69ing. I get the feeling ya’ll aren’t big on oral, but it’s not only an enjoyable part of our sex life, but for y wife’s pleasure an absolute must. My humble opinion, worth every cent you paid for it.
???????????????????????? agreed
Agreed
I am really excited about the pillow idea. I have a simple pillow pattern and I’m going to make one for myself and one for a Bridal Shower next weekend with a note tucked inside so she’ll know what it’s for. Thanks for these great tips!
We say to each other, “Want to do some yoga?” Because every time we try to do yoga together, well, that’s what happens! For those of you who are saying that these suggestions aren’t obvious, I feel like many of them have to be communicated. My husband and I both know what yoga is code for.
Any suggestions for a marriage where the woman has no sex drive at all? We went over a year without sex once and just ended another 7 month period with zero intimacy. I don’t even want to try initiating anymore as I’ve got to the point of not being able to take the rejection. Other than this one major issue, or marriage is pretty healthy.
Got to say first, I started reading comments, but didn’t get all the way through, so if this is duplicated sorry – but take it as a +1 on those comments.
so here is my preferred ordering (if my wife reads this):
#9, #10/#8, #5, #3, #6/#4, #1 (but multiple candles), #2, #7
Pretty much nailed it with #9… if my wife did that (or I should say when she does that) or even got (or when she gets) undressed in front of me before bed or bath after kids were in bed = Sign isTOTALLY not missed.
#8 and #10 are close together – If I’m at home just tell me, if I’m not, text me and as much as possible I’ll drop what I’m doing and try to get there without getting into an accident. But also pretty much UNMISSABLE (If she tells me something other than “I’m going to bed now”… that one is a bit ambiguous – I would not miss, “I’m going to bed naked now.”
Which brings me to #5… My first thought was originally that #5 was the best, but lately I’m working late since I keep the kids in the mornings during the summer so I might not notice if I’m not in the room and by the time I figure out she’s naked in bed she is probably already fast asleep or feeling rejected that I didn’t know because I was there when she went to bed — If I’m in the room / able to go to bed at same time or shortly after then, heck yeah- I won’t miss that one. OR EVEN BETTER – Get naked and wake me up first thing in the morning without your hands. I think #5 also pretty much takes care of #3 and #4… (but the right now part of 4 would be nice other times in the day if we were both together without worry of kids interrupting etc.) some lingerie is as good as naked, but wearing nothing though is probably the best actual sign… special ear rings or necklace are probably not going to work unless they are emphasized by not wearing anything else 🙂 at least while getting ready before the “going out” and then we’re pretty much back to #9
#1 is not probably going to work in my situation since unless it’s a half dozen candles so that it doesn’t get blown out— That won’t be missed if I’m there when it’s on (like earlier comment).
# 6 could be ambiguous unless the “code word” happens sort of spontaneously based on some real world experience that has happened (I think we’ve had temporary code words in the past based on something that had happened but no long term word that’s lasted). For example sometimes it’s “let’s take a nap” but about half of those times “nap” really meant “nap”, and not “NAP” (Naked Adult Pleasure/Playtime/Passion) where the “Right now” part of #4 really shines.
#2 probably going to be missed 99% of the time unless what is on the bed is what you haven’t put on for #4 or because it’s what you took off already for #5
#7 may be a problem due to inhalant irritations or allergies so not probably high on our list…
sorry, edit “…I didn’t know because I was *Not there when she went to bed…”
What about the military wives who yes, stay with thier husbands for years, ”suffer” through the seperation of deployments. By cheating, lying, staying at home never working and making little to no effort to support their spouse. I have a family member who has been deployed for a year this time. His so called wife of 15 plus years only messages him about money. Did not bother to see him off, or try to contact him at all for a month, and then was only about more money. Has he been perfect? No, he’s human. But he takes his vow to her seriously, and refuses to leave, even when she slept with his best friend. I have seen it a million times. He’s a paycheck when away, and an pain when he is home
Shield, my issue with initiating and flirting (which I love to do) is that it is tied to pressure. I feel like I commit to being turned on later and following through, which I cannot guarantee. My intentions are to have a great time, but I’ve said it time and time again and then I feel so internally stressed that I end up not being able to relax enough to get turned on then it is a huge disaster, with both of us upset and disappointed. My husband says the tease and build up is terrible if it doesn’t happen. Which makes me hesitant to initiate.
In front of the kids, we say, “I’m going to bed,” if we mean sex and “I’m going to sleep,” if we mean sleep. And kids none the wiser. Now texting? Is a different story. 😉