Do you care most what God thinks of you, or what your husband thinks of you?

Every Friday I like to run a short inspirational 400 word piece about marriage–with one little thought you can chew on over the weekend. Today I want to talk about reputations.

Whose opinion matters more--your husband's or God's? Ironically, the most loving thing to do is to value God's opinion above all else.

Sheila’s Marriage Moment: When You Care Too Much About What Your Husband Thinks of You

On Monday morning I took a deep breath, picked up the phone, and geared myself up to talk to the IRS about an ongoing issue. Before I called, I prayed and asked God, “Please, let me not embellish to make myself look good. Let me just be honest.” God’s been convicting me lately that I have a habit of trying to show myself in the best possible light.

I wonder: does this tendency affect our marriages?

I recently heard Canadian hockey legend Paul Henderson say this: “Don’t give a second thought about your reputation, but be ruthless about developing your character.”

Don't care about your reputation, but be ruthless about developing character - Paul Henderson Click To Tweet

What God thinks of us is what matters most.

So brilliant. What’s important is not what others think of us, but what God thinks of us.

How do we live this out in our marriages?

When we want our husbands to think the best of us, we can stretch the truth. We can make excuses for ourselves. We can concentrate more on winning an argument than on growing intimacy.

When we want our husbands to think of us in a certain way, we can act like a martyr–like we’re the one who is always put upon, and he’s the one who is always wrong. We can rely on pride in our identity as the “longsuffering wife” rather than on humility before God.

Or then there’s the flipside: when we want our husbands to think well of us we may follow them into sin. We may not say “no” to things we know are wrong.

We may become enablers rather than the strong helpers that God made us to be. We may become so scared to rock the boat that we say nothing as our husbands degrade us. We may say nothing as they fall deeper into addictions or into laziness.

But what happens if we are ruthless about developing our character? We’ll become humble before God, which will make us honest before our husbands. We’ll be able to accept blame for things we’ve done, without taking blame for things that he has done. We’ll be able to see clearly to deal with longstanding conflicts. We’ll be able to find the win-win in marriage, rather than only trying to make him lose so that we look good.

Loving our husbands does not mean valuing our reputation in front of them. It means always, always valuing first what God thinks of us. That’s the only way to properly love anyone.

The most loving thing is to care more about what God thinks than what your spouse thinks. Click To Tweet

Friday Roundup on To Love, Honor and Vacuum

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

We almost have all spots filled with #1’s this week!  But I had to shake things up with something new to add to the mix.  This week, a theme we haven’t looked for a while has popped up and it’s an important one: submission vs abuse.  Also check out some ideas on how to spice things up!

10 Ways to Not Be a Miserable Mother: Because you don't want to lose yourself, or your relationship with God or your husband, just because you're a mom!#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Top 10 Way To Not Be A Miserable Mama
#1 on the Blog Overall: How To Initiate Sex
#1 from Facebook: Submission Doesn’t Mean Lying Down And Taking It
#5 from Pinterest: Top 10 Ways To Be More Adventurous In Bed

I Need 92 people to get to 50,000 on Facebook

As of right now, I need less than 100 people to bring my Facebook fan base to 100,000. If we’re not connected there yet, could you go like that page? I post great older posts, new stuff I’ve found around the web, questions for posts I’m writing that help give me ideas, and more! I’d love to see  you there.

Find me on Facebook here.

Why I’ve Been Feeling Convicted

Sometimes someone says a little pithy thing and it just sticks with you. And then it starts to really make a difference.

I hope that sometimes I say those things for you. That truly is my prayer.

But I just love that saying that I heard from Paul Henderson at that marriage conference: Don’t give a second thought about your reputation, but be ruthless about developing your character.

God really spoke to me through that. How many times have I been in knots about commenters saying mean things or about people disagreeing with me? And yet, ultimately, all that matters is that I’m faithful before God. That will make me humble enough to ask, “does anything they say warrant me reconsidering?”, but it will also make me confident enough to disregard it, to shake the dust off of my feet, if I know it’s wrong.

But it’s also made a difference in really little things. I was doing some of my end of the year accounting this week, and I’d be transferring numbers from one place to another. And if I forgot whether it was $509.42 or $509.24, I’d double check. Normally I’d just go with what I thought I remembered, but I didn’t want to write $0.42 if the expense was actually only  $0.24. Such a silly little thing, but I couldn’t let it go just because of that one sentence that Paul Henderson spoke!

So I don’t know if I should be grateful or not :), but I think I am. I do want to be more consistent and more confident with my worth in God, and I pray that this will stick with me.

Don’t Forget My Giveaway from Yesterday!

You can enter for a bundle of goodies here.

I’m Almost Finished the Scarves!

I’ve been knitting up a storm over the last two weeks to knit scarves for some of my “patrons“–people who support this blog with a regular monthly contribution, which helps me hire some staff to free up time so I can do more webinars and videos that I’m planning for this year, and which will hopefully (it’s my prayer) raise enough money to expand the marriage ministry into some missions trips to Africa and Eastern Europe.

I’ve got 5 scarves to knit for some of my bigger supporters! Here I am knitting at the marriage conference:

Knitting a Scarf for my patreon supporters!

and here’s what my coffee table looks like right now (I finished a third scarf last night; one more to go!)


When I was in Colorado last week, I met up with one of my patrons and hand-delivered her scarf to her! So fun to meet with Amy:

Meeting a Patron!

I send an email out to the patrons every week with links to what I’ve been reading and thinking and questions that they can help me with. It’s like a my own focus group! And they’ve been helping me brainstorm new ways to explain what my book 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage is about, and I’ve been sending their feedback to my publisher. So helpful. (Oh, and they get rewards, too. I’m not the only one who benefits. 🙂 )

It’s just a way that I can get to know some of my readers better. So if you’d like to join us, come on over! But if you don’t–I’ll always be here and on Facebook, and I’m not going anywhere! 🙂


My Happiest Instagram Moment…

…this week wasn’t actually from my instagram. It was from my daughter Katie’s.

I just like the status update from this. Nice to know my girls still spontaneously get together, even when they don’t live at home anymore! Although I’m appalled that Katie didn’t order the crunchy chocolate chip. Who goes to Laura Secord and doesn’t order crunchy chocolate chip? When I would take them when they were little girls they both always got crunchy chocolate chip, but now that Katie’s out on her own and spending her own money she has left the fold and ventured further afield. At least Rebecca got her order right. #geneticsbaby

Have a great weekend, everyone!