The Twenty Minute Marriage Secret

What if all it takes is 20 minutes a day to make a great marriage?

Every Friday I like to post a quick, inspiration 400-word marriage post with ONE thought to help you. Here’s this week’s, on how it doesn’t take long to connect.

“Technology is ruining marriages!” “We need to unplug and start talking!” “We need a date night!”

We hear things like this constantly, yet couples don’t seem to heed the advice. Why not?

Maybe it’s because we turn connecting into an all-or-nothing activity. If we don’t spend an entire evening together, our marriage is doomed. If we don’t completely unplug, we’ll never be close. And yet people like their devices. I like my Netflix–my husband and I are really into The 4400 right now. And taking a whole evening for a date night? When you have small children, it seems daunting.

What if this all-or-nothing approach is wrong?

Yesterday I had so many thoughts swimming through my brain. I had talks to plan for the FamilyLife Canada marriage conference where my husband and I are speaking tonight. I had worries about a friend. I had good news from my girls. I had too many things on my to-do list.

When Keith came home, though, he had some work to finish up, so I fleshed out our talks. Then we headed out to the hot tub together and shared our “highs” and “lows” of the day. I told him my news and concerns. We processed it, made plans to deal with some of it, and then dried off, headed back inside, and watched The 4400 (while I knit!).

And you know what? I felt heard, and I know what’s going on in his life.

We try to talk for 20 minutes a day. Sometimes it’s while we’re going for a walk after dinner. Sometimes it’s while we’re playing a board game together. And, yes, sometimes it’s in the hot tub. But those 20 minutes are precious.

Would I like more time? Sometimes. But you know what? I also like watching The 4400. I also like going out with other couples or having them over to our house. And I like talking to my girls and my mom, too! On average, we only have three and a half hours between when Keith comes home from work and when we have to head to bed. If we can spend half an hour of that connecting, we catch up, feel close, and all is good.

Let’s be more realistic about what most couples face, and more honest about what couples need. You don’t need to stop doing all your hobbies so you can stare into each other’s eyes for four hours. Just make sure you’re sharing your heart and you know what’s going on in his. It’s only twenty minutes a day. You can do it!

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