Do we know what a blessing it is to have someone to touch?
Every Friday I like to run a quick 400-word Marriage Moment, where I just give one thought to help your marriage! I spend so much time writing much longer things that I like to have one day a week where I share something short. So here goes!
Sheila’s Marriage Moment: Reach Out and Touch Someone
The opening credits start and I sink into the couch with a happy sigh. His hand falls on my thigh and stays there, and the warmth radiates. I sigh again.
Later we’re lying in bed and he’s rubbing my back and it hurts so much but it feels so glorious at the same time.
When I wake up this morning my leg is flung over his. And it’s nice.
When I taught my girls English I wouldn’t let them use the word ‘nice’. I’d make them choose something more vivid that captured the emotion.
But nice fits, I think. Those moments weren’t particularly special. They were everyday. There was no fanfare, no celebration, no forethought. It just was–that feeling when skin touches skin, when bodies touch bodies, when we’re so comfortable with each other hands and legs end up together.
Do we realize how lovely physical touch is?
Now I’m not a physical touch love languages person. I’m not someone who hugs every friend who comes in my door. But there is something so healing, so lovely that comes from just being able to touch another person. It grounds me. It gets me out of my head (where I spend most of my time obsessing over ideas) and gets me back in the real world. It reminds me there is more to life than just what I think or see–that sometimes I can close my eyes and just feel. It lets me know that I am not alone.
It was physical touch that I missed the most when I was away from my husband for two and a half weeks recently. I’m not talking about just sex; I mean someone rubbing my back, or ruffling my hair, or holding my hand at a stoplight. Those little gestures, done without thinking, tell us, “you are not alone in this world. I am here.”
I once heard of a couple who always discussed difficult things while holding hands. They couldn’t get too angry if they were holding hands!
Sometimes marriage gets negative–we feel distant and we don’t know why. Everything we say seems to be laden with some hidden meaning. There’s a wall. And we despair that we may never feel close again.
Certainly there may be big issues at stake, but I often wonder–do we get more emotionally distant because we also choose to get physically distant? People need touch–that hand on the leg, the rub on the shoulders, the fingers through the hair. It connects us. And that breaks down so many walls, and brings so many healthy emotions.
So this weekend, reach out and touch someone. And be grateful it you have someone around to touch.
Are you reading this on Friday or on Saturday morning? I just recorded a Periscope broadcast on 5 Ways to Bring More Touch to Your Marriage. Go on over and watch it (it disappears Saturday afternoon!). I can’t link, but search for Sheila Gregoire and you’ll find it!
What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?
This week the “tops” include many topics including marriage, parenting, and spiritual guidance so there’s something for everyone! What are you dealing with right now?
#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Why Is Marriage Advice So Contradictory?
#3 on the Blog Overall: How To Initiate Sex
#2 from Facebook: Discipline Without Spanking
#2 from Pinterest: Have We Forgotten How To Be Mommy?
This Week I’ve Had a Ton Going on in My Head…
I have two contradictory things happening. One woman I know is finally telling her story about being in an emotionally abusive marriage and how she had to leave, and how the church treated her, and it is so compelling and riveting. And I’ve been reading a ton on how certain approaches to marriage seem to breed this kind of abuse–and getting rather worked up about it. I have known women in relationships like these, and it is awful. And the way the church as a whole has failed to deal with it is appalling.
But then on the other side I know a woman who is currently leaving her husband who is claiming abuse that honestly wasn’t there. They simply were distant and didn’t always get along (the teens know, the counselor knows, etc.) She even had another friend who did go through emotional abuse talk to her and try to say, “umm, honey, that’s not abuse,” but she wouldn’t listen because she wanted to leave. That’s now four friends who have claimed their husbands were abusive to give them justification to leave (and interestingly, all four friends ended up letting the husbands have the majority of the custody of the kids afterwards, too). And too many women who have stayed when they should have left because they believed it was submitting! It’s all just so confusing and messed up.
So I’ve been reading all kinds of stuff on the internet about all of this, and getting so upset that we don’t treat abuse seriously enough (because if we did, we could define it better and say–that’s not abuse, but this definitely is).
And I’ve got all of those articles, plus a ton more, in my weekly newsletter that’s going out to my new supporters on Patreon! That’s a program I started this week where, if you support me for a small amount of money, I get some funds to make this blog better, and you get the inside scoop on what I’m thinking, free ebooks, access to chat sessions, and more! You’ll even see more about my family.
So come on over and join us!
Raising Kids You Actually Like Launches on Monday!
I just got the inside proofs and the .pdf version (that you buy from my store) looks so good! I’m really pleased with this book.
I shared on Facebook yesterday my post on top 10 ways to discipline without spanking, because I fear that too often in Christian circles we’re taught that the most CHRISTIAN way to discipline is to spank, and anything else isn’t really discipline. I don’t agree at all, for a whole bunch of reasons, but mostly because the punishment should fit the crime and the punishment should teach real life lessons, and spanking rarely meets either definition (but lots of other things do!). Anyway, interesting discussion there.
My Parenting Newsletter Went out to 10,000 Moms This Week
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Have a great weekend, everybody!