Do you yell at your kids too much?
When I was younger and I pictured myself as a mom, I never pictured exhaustion and endless laundry and children thinking I’m torturing them because I’m washing their hair. I pictured idyllic baking times with the smell of chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house, or fun craft days around the table.
And so it was a huge surprise to me when I often found myself so aggravated with my two little girls that I would raise my voice. A lot.
How could I, who loved my kids so much and who so wanted to be a good mom, yell at my kids? I went to Bible studies. I read books on children’s self-esteem. I wanted to nurture their hearts. Yet far too often my frustration level reached the roof and my voice exploded.
When my children were early into the elementary school days I realized that this had to stop, and I started analyzing those times when I yelled. What was it they were doing that was making me lose my temper?
As I dissected those times, I did learn a few things that my husband and I needed to correct in my kids: they had to have more consequences for fighting over toys; they had to nurture their relationship with each other; they had to have consequences for not listening to me the first time, and we did work on those things.
But the big thing I noticed was this: when I was yelling at my kids, the root of it almost always had to do with what was going on with me, not what was going on with them.
These are the first few paragraphs from a post I wrote for The Humbled Homemaker on the main reason moms yell at their kids! Click on through to read 4 ways to STOP yelling by addressing your own issues. It’s not as hard as you think!
I’ve had such FUN lately reaching out to other bloggers and guest posting, which I haven’t done in ages, because I’m trying to get my wonderful face in front of other people who maybe haven’t read my blog! So sorry for making you click through twice this week to read my words, but I do like those posts. Hope you don’t mind!
And now an update from my launch of my supporters’ site yesterday: I’m now 40% towards my first goal of being able to free up some of my time so I can devote more time to videos and Periscope broadcasts and things that I love. And I’ll employ some broke university students, too!
I’ve had a bunch of people support me, and last night I started writing my first “Inside Sheila’s Brain” newsletter for the supporters–the inside scoop on what I’m thinking and writing this week. And they’ll be getting my new ebook that I’m releasing next Monday–Raising Kids You Actually Like–free!
I’m excited about these possibilities. In fact, I’m hoping I can persuade many more of you to become supporters, not because you feel obligated (seriously, I don’t want anyone to be obligated!), but because you want to learn more and participate more, and you also want to partner with me. Keith and I had a meeting with a man from a missions organization we support who told us about an amazing anti-human trafficking initiative they’ve got going in Calcutta. Once I reach my basic goals of $980 a month to help this blog run better, I really want to look at raising money to expand marriage ministry and help anti-trafficking.
Here’s a video I did explaining it:
And here’s where you can support me.
Think about it: I have about 3,000 people who faithfully interact with me everyday, showing up at this blog or on Facebook. Then I have another 10,000 who faithfully come by once or twice a week, either through reading a newsletter or reading this blog. (And I have so many more that stop by once in a while, but I’m really talking to the ones who are here all the time). If even half of them gave $5 a month, we could fund a lot of anti-human trafficking initiatives, and I could go overseas to help write some great, culturally relevant curriculum on healthy sexuality to teach their leaders.
And for that $5, you will get a lot! Look at all the rewards tiers right here. I want to make this a win-win for everyone! (And when I get more information about that anti-human trafficking place, I’ll share it with you in case you want to give more directly as well.)
For $480 a month (I’m 40% there!) I’ll expand what I can do to interact with readers because I’ll free up some time. For $980 a month I’ll get rid of one of my ads that drives me bonkers, so that new people to the blog get a better experience. But then for $2980 a month (I know that’s a stretch) we’ll fully fund a missions trip for 4 of us to go to Kenya and create a marriage retreat that Kenyan pastors and leaders can give, and we’ll have enough funds to bless them with more resources and work with some fledgling orphanages to rescue some girls from the sex trade. It will take about 2 years to raise the money, but that’s when we’re planning on going. And if we get more? We’ll funnel it into more missions trips and more anti-human trafficking initiatives.
Together we can do amazing things for women and girls and for healthy sexuality around the world. I hope and pray that I make a difference in your marriage. And I hope and pray that if we all join together, we can do amazing things for God elsewhere, too!
Just click here to see what it’s all about.
Thank you so much! It’s actually been a fun week figuring out all these new things (Patreon, Periscipe, etc.,), and finalizing the design for my new ebook. And next week will be fun, too, with the launch. This life is never boring, even if I am in my pyjamas until 10:00 every morning.
Have a great day!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I find it funny that women think child rearing is going to be so much fun and so glorious. I knew it was going to be really tough, which is why I didn’t want kids. I knew I would be a bad mom and didn’t want to screw up another poor little human being and I was right. There are good moments, but it is mostly just HARD.
Hey Girl,
My husband and I were married 19 years before I finally carried our daughter full term. We are blessed beyond what we deserve. God is so gracious and merciful. I was tormented early on thinking I wasn’t good enough to be a Momma. My sister had 4 amazing girls and they were my substitute daughters. They are four of the nicest women you will ever have the pleasure to meet. While they were young my sister was a “yeller.” I learned from observing her for a number of years, it is so easy for any of us to turn things into white noise and that is what the girls did. By the time we were blessed with the most adorable baby girl on the planet God had changed me drastically in the emotion arena. I now get quieter as I get upset or frustrated. I have yelled a few times but not often at all. We have the most amazing daughter, she’s a junior at Hillsdale College in Michigan and a very accomplished, independent, young lady. Yes, we are so very proud of who she is becoming through the grace and mercy of a loving God. Somehow along the way she did inherit my sassy mouth and her fathers stubbornness. How does that happen! Enjoy your precious children they are too soon grown and gone.
My sister besides the yelling is one of the most loving, caring, compassionate Mommas I know. Her girls are all grown with children of their own and their favorite thing to do is all of them together at the family home playing games, talking too loud, laughing and loving on one another.
I have struggled with yelling. Over time it has improved so much, but it is something I have to constantly be aware of. I can’t bear when I do yell at my kids and I see their crushed spirits reflected in their eyes. One of the first practices I engaged in to help myself stop yelling is I apologize when I do yell. I get down on their level and open my arms, and I say “I am sorry I yelled. Even when Mommy is frustrated, it is not okay for me to yell.” They still receive consequences if consequences are due, of course. But their behavior doesn’t excuse mine. And I don’t want to be a yelling mom. Will I still lose my temper and yell at times? Sure. I’m human. All I can do is my best, one situation at a time.