Sheila’s Marriage Moment: When you and your husband don’t fit the gender mold

Every Friday I like to post a 400-word inspirational marriage moment. This week I’m talking about how we need to get beyond “men do this” and “women do that”.

This week I published a moving testimony of a guy who grew up feeling feminine rather than masculine. It was only when he stopped letting the culture define him that he figured out who he really was.

Our culture has a vice grip on us, telling us that we’re not good enough. That we don’t fit. That we stick out.

But our church culture does that, too–especially when it comes to gender and marriage.

This week I deleted a rather nasty comment where a woman was telling another woman what it meant to be a “proper Christian wife”:

As a submissive wife, you aren’t automatically entitled to his money. A husband’s job is to lead his family and that means he handles the finances…News flash, dear. God put the man in the position of authority and if he’s the one breaking his back for the money, asking him if you can spend some is the proper and ladylike thing to do.

Wow. That idea makes me so sad.

That idea that God wants us fitting a certain mold–even though God created this world with a huge breadth of diversity (there are even over 400,000 species of beetles!).

That idea that what God is concerned most with the proper order of things–that the husband lead and the wife follow, rather than that the two act like they are one flesh.

That idea that a proper Christian woman won’t handle money, won’t budget, won’t take part in decisions about the family simply because she is a woman, regardless of where her gifts and talents lie.

That idea that God would give us talents, and then demand that we not use them.

So many women are suffocating–and, as our guest poster showed this week, so many men are, too.

Dear readers, God loves you. God made you. And God put you and your husband together to be a team.

That team will function best when you both use your natural talents and your supernatural gifts to the best advantage.

It’s okay to use Quicken if you’re female. And it’s okay to cook if you’re male. And it’s okay to leave Quicken to your husband if he’s the one whose better at it, and it’s okay to cook if you’re the one who enjoys it more.

Just be who God made you to be.

And I wish so much that I didn’t have to write posts like this.

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My Personal Updates

So usually on Fridays I give you a little glimpse of what’s gone on in my life this week. But I can’t do that today, because I’m actually writing this a week ago! My husband and I are taking a little hiatus right now away from the computer.

I’ll update you next week! Have a great weekend!

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