Can you create Christmas traditions as a couple BEFORE you have kids?
Absolutely!
Or what about if you aren’t planning on having kids, or can’t have kids–or if your kids are with your ex-spouses for the holidays. Does that mean that Christmas can’t be Christmas?
Nope! Because Christmas isn’t about kids; Christmas is about love. And so let’s talk today how the TWO of you can create great Christmas traditions, on your own.
And don’t miss my most popular Christmas post ever–Christmas Stocking Stuffers for your husband! Loads of unique ideas, most for under $20, that will make him smile Christmas morning!
See the stocking stuffer ideas here!
Today’s Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage here at To Love, Honor and Vacuum. And recently I received this question from a young wife:
Reader Question
We don’t have kids yet, and all the Christmas articles I see on Pinterest about making Christmas meaningful all have to do with children. What can we do when it’s just the two of us to start Christmas traditions or make Christmas fun?
I thought that was a great question, so I put it up on Facebook and asked my readers: Any ideas for Christmas traditions as a couple? We had a whole lot of great ideas, and today I thought I’d share 10 ways to make Christmas meaningful before you have children (or to make it meaningful even if you never have children!).
1. Buy a meaningful ornament that sums up the year
Search for it throughout the year, or go to a special Christmas store together right before Christmas and get one that encapsulates what you’ve been through.
It could be something about exams and school, or something about a new job, or even something poignant. I’ve always loved the ornament that says, “Because someone we love is in heaven, there’s a little bit of heaven in our home.” We got a special one the year that our son died–and we also had special ones when we had our first child and when we first got married. We even have one for our life on the road in our RV now! Get creative. They can create a memory treasure trove of your life at different stages.
2. Put hot chocolate or coffee in a thermos and drive around looking at the Christmas lights
A quiet drive at twilight, a thermos of something hot, and a chance to snuggle. It’s lovely. And you can admire the beauty outside and the beauty of the season together, too.
And then there’s always those one or two houses that do Christmas BIG–that have every Christmas character lit up and that threaten to eat all the electricity from the whole neighborhood. Those are the houses it’s always fun to return to year after year, to see “what did they come up with now?”
3. Watch some Christmas movies together–and make some YOUR Christmas movies
Everybody has their favourite Christmas movies–and sometimes they’re not even about Christmas! The Sound of Music. Pride & Prejudice. Even Sleepless in Seattle!
Or maybe you go more traditional like Elf or Home Alone or National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Watch some movies together and make that your Christmas movie, the one that you’ll come back to year after year.
4. Go caroling with some other young marrieds
Chances are you know other couples in the same boat–couples who don’t have kids yet, either (or maybe older couples who never did have kids, or whose kids are with the other sets of parents this Christmas). Get together and go caroling! It’s awfully fun. It sounds hokey, but people actually enjoy it if you’re in a group.
And then head back to someone’s house afterwards for some hot chocolate and board games.
Here’s a Christmas carol booklet you can download and print!
5. Bake some cookies together and take them to your neighbours
Just because you don’t have kids doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or do the Christmas baking! Bake some cookies together and then hand them out to your neighbours. It’s a great way to get to know them, and seriously, who says no to cookies?
6. Write a letter to each other
One woman shared this Christmas tradition:
Since the year before my husband and I were married, we write a letter to each other. It reflects the past year and looks forward to the next. We read them to each other then roll them up, put them in a clear Christmas ball, and hang it on our tree. We do it Christmas Eve before we exchange our Christmas Eve gifts. ..new shirt and tie for him, lingerie for me…to wear for him.
Along those same lines, here’s another idea:
7. Create a Christmas Eve box to open together
It could have a Christmas movie you’ll watch together, some new jammies (or lingerie!), a board game, a bottle of wine, or whatever you want to do together that night.
8. Adopt a Family through the Angel Tree program–or volunteer in some other way
Many communities have an Angel Tree program (you can often find them at malls) where you can “adopt” a child or a family and buy Christmas gifts for them.
Think of Christmas as a time when you can give back to your community in some way. If it’s not the Angel Tree program, maybe you can volunteer at the food bank on Christmas Eve. Maybe you can work at a soup kitchen together on Boxing Day. Maybe you can pack shoeboxes through Samaritan’s Purse in November.
Pray that God will show you what works for you as a couple so you can give back. And many of those traditions can be continued once you have kids!
9. Go for a Winter Hike
If you live somewhere that actually gets winter (like I do!), then pack up those thermoses and put on the scarves and hats and take a winter hike. Go somewhere with a lovely view, or somewhere that’s super quiet. Make it “your” place where you can reflect on the year that’s past, the beauty of God’s provision, and where you think God is leading you next year.
And even if you live in a warm place (which normally I’d be jealous of, but I like cold Christmases), then you can still hike. It just may not be that different from hikes at other times of year!
And you can continue this one if you become parents, too!
10. Commemorate Your First Christmas Together
If it’s your very first Christmas as a married couple, here are a few ideas from another Facebook fan:
Make an impression of your first house key in some salt dough and make an ornament out of it. If you use a real tree, cut a slice off the bottom and write the year and 1st Christmas together on it. Make an ornament with a picture of you two. If you are married put a wedding announcement in a clear glass Christmas ball and hang it on the tree.
I love it! I’m going to share that one with my daughter and son-in-law.
And here’s a bonus Christmas tradition for you to start next year:
11. Create a Couples Advent Calendar with Activities and Prayer Prompts
My blogging friend Darby Dugger, who has guest posted here before, created an advent calendar for her husband with verses to read and pray together, and lots of fun prompts for things to do! It’s super easy–she just wrote it on index cards and stuck it on a corkboard. Or you can be more creative. But it gets you in the spirit of remembering Jesus, and making Him the focus of our relationship.
So there you go–traditions that you can start now, even if you don’t have children. After all, Christmas isn’t just for kids! And now that you’re together, you have the chance to build your own Christmas traditions.
And a big THANK YOU to everyone who participated on Facebook and gave me these great ideas! If you’re not part of my Facebook community yet, come on over.
One more word for those who are newly married: I think it’s perfectly okay to tell parents, “we would like to spend a day or two just the two of us over the holidays, creating our own traditions.” You don’t need to wear yourselves out going between two families. It’s your family now, and if you want to create some of your own traditions, don’t be afraid to take some time to do just that!
Like this post so far? You should also check out:
Now, let me know: what Christmas traditions do you have as a couple (that don’t necessarily involve the kids?) Let’s brainstorm together!
PS: Don’t miss my Christmas stocking stuffers for your husband! The ideas are great!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I have to admit, I find it a little sad that a couple would ask this question. Sure, children will change your lives greatly, but that doesn’t mean your life now is of no value or you’re just waiting it out.
First, right now, in these early days of marriage, you’re building the foundation your marriage will depend on when the kids have you stressed out. Children bring joy, they also bring stress. Enjoy your time together. Don’t just say “Won’t it be better with kids?” Find your joy in the now, when you don’t have those extra responsibilities and you two can just be with each other. You’ll need that foundation later.
Second, what if you never have kids? Maybe you find out that for whatever reason, that option doesn’t present itself. If you’ve held off on doing anything waiting for a tomorrow that never comes, you’ve wasted the gift of the time you’ve already had.
I know the standard Christian expectation (especially when dealing with marriage blogs) is that kids will be forthcoming (and usually sooner rather than later). I do believe that a thought pattern that holds you aren’t “complete” or fully experiencing life until you’re married/having kids/whatever is a faulty one. Whatever stage of life you are in, be it single, married without kids, married with kids, overrun with grandkids, whatever… make that stage of life count. It can be filled with joy and happiness, even if you might be expecting or hoping for future changes.
Phil,
While I completely agree with what you’re saying (and really, truly appreciate you saying that you think it’s wrong to say people are not complete without children), I’d just like to drop my two cents regarding the couples that might ask that question: My husband and I are unable to have children, and I’ve had church members tell me and my husband quite bluntly that by not having children, we were outside the will of God. I disagree, but it really makes one ponder. So, so much of the Christian community advertises “Family friendly!” “A great place for the kids!” or something similar. I know families need a different level of support, and having these groups is great, but only about 50% (last I checked) of the adult, church-attending population has children at home. So essentially, many churches essentially advertise that they’re great for half the people. This leads to many/most of the activities being child-centered. From what I hear at work, parties and drinking are how adults celebrate. From what I hear at church, children and Christmas pageants are how everyone celebrates. Humans do what they know, but what we learn as children is, obviously, what people do with children. So personally, I’ve asked this question a lot. What do you do without kids? My husband and I don’t want to drink and party, but the more wholesome activities tend to involve children. It makes it really easy to become hermits.
So here’s the question: What is the body of Christ doing for those who don’t/can’t/won’t have children? For many of us, going to church feels ostracizing, because without spilling your heart, people aren’t sure why you don’t have kids, just that you don’t. For quite a few people without children, volunteering with kid-related activities is awkward or emotionally painful, so when everything is child-centered, you have to look elsewhere.
The church has (in my opinion) idolized having children (in many cases, above raising children), so while children are a wonderful, Godly thing, it shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. So what is? I didn’t become a Christian until I was an adult, so maybe I’m missing some of the pieces, but at many of the churches I’ve visited, it’s been very difficult to get involved without kids. You are right — it’s sad that some of us have to ask this question. I’ve never felt that my life was incomplete without children, my childhood was odd, and I never felt that I was supposed to raise kids. But most groups (especially the church) have very few activities that are intended for adults. It’s not just at Christmas, it’s year-round, but for many, it’s especially poignant at Christmas. I wholeheartedly agree with what you said in your post, but even sharing the same opinion, much of the time, I feel like I’m at a loss for what to do that carries meaning. I know I’m not alone in this; many of the young married couples I’ve talked to that don’t have kids feel the same way.
Michelle, I think you’re totally right. I know this isn’t nearly the same thing, and I don’t mean to compare what you’re going through with anything I’m going through, but just to illustrate your point: we recently started attending a new church. Our children are adults and don’t live with us now, so we’ve had to try to fit in to the church WITHOUT children. I have never noticed how hard it is to fit into a church when children aren’t the focus! Every other church we’ve joined, we’ve gotten to know people because of our kids. First it was serving in the nursery together, or always picking kids up from the nursery at the same time. Then it was being involved in Sunday School and getting to know the parents of your kids’ friends. Then it was serving in youth ministry with other adults. Now that it’s just adult focused things, it’s much, much harder.
I’m not sure what the answer is (small groups?), but it definitely is an issue.
A wonderful post full of wonderful ideas! Thanks for linking back to my Advent Calendar!
Unfortunately Phil, most people don’t consider a couple to be a family unless human children are involved. I think that’s sad as well. I considered my hubby and me and our dog a family for years but he did not. Neither did most people I worked or were friends with.
We got married just after Christmas (many years ago now) and our first child was a honeymoon baby so on our first Christmas we had a picture of her in a cuddle seat under the Christmas tree!
Thus we never never had a Christmas without children and it was and is wonderful.
And, I would add, don’t feel that just because you don’t have kids you can’t join in things with other people’s kids.
We have wonderful memories from before we had children of being invited to join friends for meals and caroling.
Now we have 4 kids, and we love having our single or newly-married friends join us. They seem to like it too (they keep coming back!) .
My husband is from Saratoga Springs, NY and he had a tradition growing up to smash peppermint pigs. This is our first Christmas as a married couple and we agreed it would be fun to have his mom send us a peppermint pig to smash, sprinkle in hot chocolate, and watch Christmas movies together on Christmas Eve. We also want to look into our heritages and incorporate some old traditions.
I have never heard of that. Is it like a pig-shaped large peppermint? That’s hilarious!
I liked some of your ideas. Thank you so much for sharing! I just wanted to say that a women should wear cute lingerie for herself, not to please a man only. In that case, giving a cute tie is kind of out of context.
Thanks for posting this! I am finding Christmas as a newlywed when everyone’s family expects they will see you and continue their own Christmas traditions to be terrible…this gives me a few good ideas for how to reintroduce some joy into the season.
I’m glad you liked it!
Thank you so much for this post. I recent married this past July and my husband and I are looking forward to creating our own traditions before kids! We purchased the cutest Christmas ornmanent on our honeymoon and it was the first to be placed on our tree. I can’t wait to try some of your other suggestions as Christmas approaches!