Sheila’s Marriage Moment: The Power of a Simple Thank You
Every Friday I like to post a quick 400 word “Marriage Moment”–mostly to give you something bit sized you can grab a hold of to make up for how LONG all my other posts are! 🙂 Here you go!
My husband picked up my empty glass and stuck it in the dishwasher before getting himself a snack.
“Thanks, hon,” I said.
It wasn’t a big deal. It was a simple thank you.
But sometimes thank you is hard to say. After all, does he really deserve it?
That task took less than thirty seconds. Earlier that night I had spent over an hour making dinner while he decompressed. I had chopped everything, cooked everything, and served everything.
Come to think of it, I had also shopped for every grocery item we used. Why should he get thanked for a tiny thing?
Or what about when your husband changes a baby diaper. If you thank him, are you implying that he was doing you a favor, like it was your job? And if you change fifty diapers for every one that he changes, why should you have to thank him?
Saying thank you can be tough, can’t it?
Sometimes when our husbands do a small thing for us, it can actually be annoying. We work so hard keeping the house running smoothly, and then he does one thing and expects to be acknowledged. Is that even fair?
Wow. Thank you has become quite a landmine, hasn’t it?
Yet let’s take a step back. Why are we so hesitant? Are we worried that if we acknowledge little things he’ll think he’s off the hook for big things? Are we resentful because he never notices what we do?
Maybe we’re reading too much into this, and in the process we’re missing the power of a simple thank you.
Shaunti Feldhahn, in her book Surprising Secrets of Highly Happy Marriages, found that for men, “thank you” was the equivalent to “I love you” for women. It acknowledges that you notice them and that you appreciate them, and men like to spend more time in areas that they’re appreciated.
But thanking him does something else. It cuts any tension that’s between you. It says, “at this moment, right now, I’m glad you’re here.”
And it helps you to think more positively about him. Instead of obsessing on what he’s not doing, you notice what he is doing. Chances are it’s more than you think! When we speak up about good things, we tend to think about good things more. And resentment shrinks.
In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’d encourage you to add simple thank yous throughout your day. When your husband does something nice–even if it’s small, and even if you’ve done so much more–just say thank you.
It can change everything.
Read more about gratitude in marriage:
I’ve written before about the power of gratitude in marriage.
How a Simple Thank You Can Transform a Marriage
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage–my book! So much of the book focuses on how we can start thinking positively about our husbands. Do that first, and then it makes it easier to deal with big issues that you may need to deal with. And if there aren’t big issues? Then thanking him consistently helps you to avoid them! My heart and soul is in this book–check it out! Or tell your husband you want it for Christmas.
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#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Is Watching Porn Together Okay if You Both Agree?
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What a Week!
I hope all my American readers had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
In case you didn’t see it yesterday, we had something interesting happen in our family this week. Katie was in a bus crash (she’s fine, but it was harrowing!). I wrote all about it yesterday, along with a link to the video she made about it. Check it out.
I’ve Got the New Format Up!
So after over a year of wanting to do a blog overhaul I finally did. Yay! I like the new format a lot better. It’s cleaner, and if you click on the menu at the top of the page (whether you’re in desktop or mobile) it’s easier to find posts based on different categories. So feel free to browse around. You may find things you’ve missed.
My Weekly Roundup Newsletter is Going Out Today
Did you know that you can sign up for weekly newsletters that give a round-up of all the stuff that’s been on the blog this week, what was biggest, and what’s been big on social media, too? It’s a chance to see what’s going on and to make sure you don’t miss anything in case you don’t check in everyday.
It’s free, and you can join the other 8,000 people who are signed up right here.
I usually write more on Fridays, but it’s been quite the week. And I think I’m going to go make myself some tea and relax a bit.
So I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, and I hope you all get all the Black Friday shopping done that you need to!