Sheila’s Marriage Moment: Say the Things that Need to Be Said!
Every Friday I do a blog round-up–what was biggest on the blog and on social media this week. And I also include a 400-word “marriage inspirational moment”. Here’s this week’s!
Lauren and Bob were deeply in debt. Lauren kept seeing the bills come in the mail, and Bob would grab them–but cheques were never written.
“I’m not sleeping well, and I’m worried we’re going to lose the house. But if I bring it up he’ll accuse me of not trusting him.”
Lauren knew something was wrong, but she was afraid that dealing with it would wreck their relationship.
Sometimes in every marriage there’s something that needs to be addressed. Maybe it’s something as serious as debt, but maybe it’s simply that you’re afraid he doesn’t find you attractive, and it’s making you insecure so you pull away. Or maybe you’re afraid your sex life is getting boring, but you’re afraid of his answer if you ask.
When an issue is blocking our intimacy, it needs to be dealt with. In Leslie Vernick’s book How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong, she shares the story of Beth, who found evidence that her husband Roger was unfaithful. Beth said nothing. Leslie writes,
Beth thought she was acting lovingly by putting up with Roger’s behaviour. Her “loving” actions, however, had her own interests in mind, not Roger’s. Beth was afraid to speak honestly with her husband and confront Roger for fear he’d get mad and leave…
However, if genuine love is defined by actions that are directed toward another person’s good, let’s think for a moment of what was in Roger’s best interests. Beth’s husband didn’t need her to continue to indulge his behaviours; he needed her to confront them. By saying nothing, Beth showed that she didn’t love Roger enough to risk losing him.
Are you acting out of sacrificial love for your husband, or are you holding back out of insecure neediness in yourself? The latter may look like love–“I’m accepting him as he is”–but it’s motivated not by his best interests but by your deepest fears.
If you love your husband, then say the things that need to be said.
I know those conversations are difficult, but each time we run from needed conversations, we build up walls to intimacy. God wants us to have authentic relationships; after all, Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He embodies truth; and when we bring things to light, we give God the chance to do amazing things in our lives. When we continue to hide because of fear or insecurity, we steal God’s opportunity to heal us. So live in the light, not the darkness. It’s risky–but big risks have big rewards!
What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?
#1 NEW Post on the Blog: Top 10 Positive Things To Say to Yourself About Sex
#1 on the Blog Overall: Stocking Stuffers for Your Husband
#1 from Facebook: When Texting/Facebook Cross the Line
#1 from Pinterest: When You Don’t Want to Make Love
How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong
As I’ve been flying around and traveling around I’ve read a number of books, and I really enjoyed Leslie Vernick’s How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong (which I quoted in my marriage moment, above). I thought I’d share just a few quotes with you that sum up the book:
God’s word states that we overcome evil with good when we choose to respond to wrongdoing in way that are godly, righteous, and loving. In other words, we should respond to our spouse’s wrongs in ways that are in his or her long-term best interests…
It is never wise or godly to sacrifice our self in order to give your spouse more license to sin (gamble, abuse drugs, abuse us or our children, etc.)
On how we act when our spouse hurts us:
(She’s talking about a woman named Sheila here! I swear it’s not me!)
Sheila wanted her husband to be more responsible and helpful. Her desires for these things are legitimate and normal; they are desires most spouses have. Sheila is not wrong for having them. But consider what happened to Sheila and in Sheila when she didn’t get what she desired. What came up and out of her heart when Jeff failed her again? In her legitimate disappointment and anger, Sheila lost control of her tongue and her temper. Although her husband was clearly wrong, how can Sheila learn to act right in these circumstances? What might God be trying to show Sheila that will help her become more like Him?…
The deepest desire of Paul’s heart was to know Jesus and to be conformed to his image. When our other desires, however good and legitimate, take first place in our heart, God calls them idols. We will be controlled by them instead of by God. God often allows life’s circumstances to reveal our primary desires or first loves, so that we can see that they have become idols. They are those things (apart from God) we think we need for life, happiness, and well-being. God revealed to Sheila that she was basing her well-being upon the actions of her husband. God wanted Sheila’s well-being to be dependent upon him.
Is It Love or Is It Infatuation?
Katie’s got a new video up for her partner, Project Inspired. I thought she made a good point here: how to tell whether it’s really love or whether it’s just infatuation. Check it out–and then share it with single women you know!
“I think there are many times when infatuation masquerades as love.”
Chivalry Isn’t Dead!
We had a long day yesterday–we were flying home from Charleston to Toronto through Newark, and our flight was delayed, and then cancelled. We had to fly to Montreal instead, and then my husband picked me up there. It was a long day. And Newark airport doesn’t have wifi!
But on three separate occasions men lifted our really heavy carry-ons and our suitcases for us. Just out of the blue. Often that doesn’t happen, but yesterday the guys did. And I so appreciated it.
Seriously, if there are any men reading this–we really appreciate stuff like that!
And on Instagram…
I shared most of my recent pics in my roundup post yesterday about my trip, so I thought I’d share one of my older daughter’s posts.
She just got married, and here she is, rock climbing with her husband. I’m so proud of them! They’re putting a priority on finding things to do together. Yay for starting well!