Is your family grumpy too much?
Today Liz Millay from Simple Life Messy Life joins us to give us 10 ways to stop feeling like a grumpy family–and start feeling like a happy family again, even in the midst of school!
School has begun once again and whether your kids are hopping on the big yellow bus or sitting down for math lessons at the kitchen table, one thing is for sure – gone are the lazy days of summer. Life is about to get busy!
I know for our family, when our schedules are full and we aren’t able to spend as much time together, we start to feel disconnected. We are more liable to get cranky at each other and we start to feel just plain “off.”
So, how do you stay connected as a family when your days are filled with activities taking you every which way?
If you don’t want to be a grumpy family, you have to be intentional.
Don’t get me wrong, being intentional about connecting as a family isn’t always easy, but it doesn’t have to be elaborate or complicated either!
Here are ten simple ways to stay connected as a family. Don’t go crazy trying to do all ten (that wouldn’t be very simple after all!), but pick a few and find what works for you!
1. Have at least one night a week where everyone is home
Especially as your kids get older, it is really easy to have somewhere to be every night of the week. And while some seasons of life will be busier than others by necessity, try to keep at least one night a week where everyone is home together.
On these nights the pace of life can slow down a little. Family members can play, talk, and just spend time together unhurried. These times of rest are so important.
2. Cook a meal together
One of the simplest ways to find time to connect as a family is to combine it with something you already have to do anyway. Since you have to eat, why not have a night when the family makes dinner together?
You could try spitting the meal responsibilities (boys make the main dish, girls make the sides), do a little Chopped Challenge, or tackle a new recipe together. Even the littlest helpers can get involved!
3. Eat dinner around the table
Even if you aren’t able to cook the meal together, there are so many benefits to eating together! You can read more about the benefits of the family dinner table here, but just some of them are: less tension in the house, more talking among family members, and healthier eating all around.
For extra fun or a special evening, put out a table cloth and light a candle (even if you’re just eating pizza!). Put away the phones and make dinnertime a relaxing part of the evening.
4. Turn off the electronics
Speaking of putting away your phones, try putting some limits on all electronic devices. The TV, phone, iPad – being connected to them makes it really hard to be connected to each other!
This past year for Lent, one of the things we decided to do was to not turn the TV on until after our son went to bed. It was such a simple thing, but you wouldn’t imagine the different it made in the atmosphere of our family. You can read more about our experience here.
5. Go for a walk
Another thing we did along with our no TV rule was to go for a walk almost every evening. Now, you might not be able to go for a family walk every evening, but I highly recommend doing it when you can!
It could be as simple as a quick walk around the block or a bigger adventure such as going on a hike at a nearby trail. Either way, there is something about the fresh air and getting your blood pumping that puts everyone in a good mood. Getting out of the house and away from distractions is also a great time to chat and catch up on life.
6. Play a game
Another fun way to spend some time together as a family is to play a game. This could be a card or board game (we like to play Uno with our three year old!) or something more active like shooting baskets or playing catch. You could even play video games together if that’s more your style! It doesn’t matter as much what the activity is, but that you are doing it side-by-side, connecting with each other and building memories.
7. Exercise together
Getting in some exercise is something that most people have on their to-do list. One way to increase the odds of it actually happening (and have more fun doing it) is to get the whole family to join in!
My husband and I have been trying to do a short yoga video every night and often our three year old son joins in. It makes it a little more crazy – but also a lot more fun! Plus, he gets to see us exercising and we get to build a healthy habit as a family.
8. Sneak in some end of the night pillow talk
Pillow talk isn’t just for husbands and wives! That quiet moment, with a dim room all snuggled in bed is a great time to connect with your kids. Ask them about their favorite part of the day, read a book, or just get in some extra hugs and kisses.
9. Family devotional
Sometimes it is easy to think of physical, social, and mental ways to connect, but forget that it is important to connect on a spiritual level too. A family devotional time doesn’t have to be complicated either. You can pair it with dinner or sneak it in at bed time, or even do it at breakfast if you are one of those crazy morning people!
If you need some ideas for family devotions try reading through a book of the Bible (or a story Bible for the little ones) and signing a favorite worship song. There are also lots of great devotional books out there to choose from!
If you have toddlers, try checking out my Play Through The Bible series!
10. Pray
This goes along with having a family devotional time, but it is so important that I thought it deserved its own separate point! Definitely include prayer both during your devotional time and throughout your day as a family. But, even on top of that, don’t forget to pray for your family.
Pray for your family members individually, and also pray for your family as a whole. Pray for relationships among each other, for your marriage, for siblings, and for the love of Christ to shine in through your family.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
These are great tips! We have found family devotions to be a rich time in our little family. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks Leigh Ann! 🙂
Do you have any tips for parents with an infant? We’re both exhausted and have to take turns doing anything, especially eating!! Together time is usually spent with the little one shrieking for one reason or another. We love her but are soooooo over it. We are both nasty to each other way too much because of the stress. ?
Oh, Angie, it will get better! It really will. My youngest cried nonstop in the evenings because of colic and it was exhausting. And she didn’t sleep well. But by 8 months of age she was the happiest thing you’d ever seen.
Just get through it. Get as much help as you can, if you can get it. Even an hour walking around outside can change your mood. Take the baby on walks–ours often calmed down just being out in the stroller. And know that this too shall pass!
She’s 9.5 months and seems to be getting worse sometimes. Very attached to me as I’m with her 24/7. There is no help, family is in another state. Husband does try a little to help but he’s pretty selfish a lot. Just don’t want to get divorced over the kid like everyone else we know.
That’s really rough, Angie! I think the attachment thing can be a double edged sword. Yes, you want her to be attached to you, but she also needs to learn how to self-soothe. I’d look at getting some books that will teach YOU how to teach HER to sleep by herself and to put herself to sleep (in other words, you put her in her crib when she’s tired, and she goes to sleep herself). You don’t rock her to sleep or nurse her to sleep. If you always rock her or nurse her or lie down with you, then she will always need you to go to sleep. And if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she’ll need you to get BACK to sleep. Learning how to sleep on your own helps her feel more settled (when she wakes up she isn’t panicky, she just goes back to sleep). And then you’ll have more time to yourself, too. I’d really look into that or ask your pediatrician about it, because you don’t want to get yourself beyond exhausted. You really don’t!
That’s so hard! I would agree with Sheila to talk to your pediatrician. At 9 months old, crying constantly could be a sign that something else is bothering her. Is she crawling yet? I know my son became soon much happier once he could get around and explore on his own.
Can you connect by spending time together caring for your daughter? Giving her a bath, going to the park, or playing with baby toys? What about at home date night after she is already sleeping?
Overall, I’d say to remember this is a phase of life and she won’t always be how she is now. Try to tackle the struggle with your husband as a team and you’ll get through it! It may even bring you closer together!
Take a walk!
On Sunday our son and daughter-in-law came with our two little grandsons to celebrate our daughter’s birthday. She still lives with us.
We all went for a walk along a seaside waterway where there are lots of things to interest the two little boys (6 and 4) and to explain these to them. We took lots of pictures! The boys love their auntie to bits and she enjoys babysitting.
We all had a great time on the penultimate Sunday of summer..
Amen! We love taking walks as a family.
Devotions! Prayer as a family! And unplugging! This is my hope and hearts desire for my family. We’ve been married for 3 years now and we were blessed with a amazing little boy one year ago.
But there are some issues that I find myself really struggling with. My parents were both youth pastors when I was growing up, so God was always a big part of my life, mostly because of my parents example. Every night my dad would come in to tuck is in bed and pray with us. We would do worship together in the house and then there was youth group and conventions and many more things. . . So I know from personal experience how important it is for parents to set an example of seeking Christ. Here is my problem, I’m the only one trying. I know our baby is only one but I feel in my heart that it’s important to pray with him every night and put my phone away and just watch him play and grow because life passes by so fast, and I don’t want to miss a one crucial moment. But try as I might I can’t get my husband on board. He’s a believer, but we are definitely unequally yoked. (Or is that only believer/nonbeliever?) I feel a fire for god and want that for all of my family.(husband too) but it’s like pulling teeth to get him to come pray with us at night. Or when baby is doing something noteworthy to get him to put his phone down. We will be out to dinner and he has to be looking at a screen, TV or otherwise. I’m lonely sitting next to him. And I know God has a calling on him to be a great man of God and example to our son. I can’t be that. There are some rolls a mother just can’t fill and or lessons that she can’t teach.
Ok, I need to stop before I get off on a rabbit trail. Once the cork comes out the emotions start going and I can’t stop.
How can I get him involved more. I want him to be the spiritual leader in our home, but if I step out of that roll right now it will remain empty. HELP! If it were just me it was effecting i wouldn’t comment. Maybe I’m just being mellow dramatic. What should/shouldn’t I do?
I do not understand this site I joined it because I thought it was a support group. I was making comments asking questions to find most post back in 2012 I fee like I wasted time I see lots of selling self help books that is fine but don’t help most. I also joined the Experience Project that. Is. A support group many people talking about there problems. The one group talking about sexless marriage. I can tell you there are many loanly hurting people in need of support.WebMD says 45% of marriages are sexless that is many sad loanly and angery people Myself I came looking for short I live in a 46 year marriage the past 35 years sexless. I stayed to see my son got raised with two parents. When he reached 18 I had a stroke leaving me with problems to deal with. Three years later my wife became ill putting her in a wheel chair. I stayed to care for her than 5 years ago my wife had a stroke This stroke lefthernot able to read , write to make people understand what she wants to say. My wife has no memory of our past no memories of our first date of wedding our son being born nothing. I am here to stay but I am so loanly mad hurting wishing I could cuddle hug kiss lie next to my wife feeling her heart beat against my chest watching her sleep speaking up with her with a day of something to look forward to.. Since January I see my wife’s health failing she has been the hospital 4 times rehab of one month.I fear I am slowly loosing my wife. .I don’t tell you this to feel sorry for me I tell you to show there are many people who needs support someone to talk out their problems. I was hoping I was going to find this here in your site. Maybe I am missing something or don’t see it but I don’t see the help here. You could do lots of good work if your were here giving support.. Three year old post and comments won’t give anyone much support. One other thing I don’t think there is too many people dealing with problems like mine in sexless loanly marriages are talking with God much. There are too many unanswered. Prayers request for help and hope from God unanswered. At a point in our lives the bible is no comfort so people preaching bible verses will be of little help or support. I had to say this before I move on and try support e!
Elsewhere. I will check. Back in to see if anything changes.
Joe, I’m truly sorry for what you’re going through. Truly sorry. But you can’t get a support group like you’re looking for on the internet. You really can’t. You need support in real life, not from a woman’s website where most of the readers are female.
I’d really recommend that you seek out a church and find a community of people who are also struggling with caregiving and loss. Telling strangers about your problems may feel better initially, but really does nothing to help the problem that you’re dealing with. For that you need community, and that kind of community can only come in real life. So I wish you all the best, and I pray that you will find people at a local church who will be able to support you.