It’s June, the wedding month, so I thought we’d spend a few days talking about what to do on your wedding night.
As my frequent readers know, I have a daughter getting married next month, so this has been a conversation in our house.
And today, for Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I’d share the top 10 wedding night tips to help you have a great start to your life together!
I asked on my Facebook Page for readers to share their best wedding night tips, and they were awesome! Thank you. So here are the top ones mentioned, plus a few of my own I thought were important.
I’m writing this primarily for women who are virgins on their wedding nights and really don’t know what to expect. But even if you’re sexually experienced, everything is new once you’re married. And so read on–you may pick up some good tips, too!
You can also check out my Honeymoon Course! The 5 modules cover everything from packing lists, planning tips, discussion questions and much more!
1. Everything is better if you relax. So let things happen as they’re going to happen–don’t worry about expectations.
Everyone looks forward to the wedding night their whole life. But what people often forget to tell you is that the wedding night comes after the wedding DAY–which is likely the longest day of your life! You’ll be tired. You’ll be spent. And now you’re supposed to have this amazing night!
This is the first night of the rest of your life. You have so much time together. So just enjoy each other and let things happen as they happen. I asked on Facebook for wedding night tips, and one of the most frequent was, “wait for the morning to have sex! You’ll be too tired!”
In my surveys for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, about 20% of women didn’t have sex on their wedding nights. Another 20% of women rated their wedding nights as pretty awful in terms of sexual pleasure. But you know what? If you follow these women for ten years, they end up rating their sex lives then exactly the same as the women who had amazing wedding nights!
All that is to say that the QUALITY of sex you have really doesn’t matter in the long run. Once you get practice it’s all going to work out fine. So don’t worry–just have fun getting to know each other and relax about it.
2. Think about spending the wedding night at home
Instead of heading straight off to a honeymoon destination, consider spending your first night in your new home. You’ll feel more comfortable, and it will feel more “permanent” or real.
3. Beware of hotel beds that are too soft.
If you do go to a hotel, though, that’s fine. But a little heads up: for sex to work well you need a little bit of leverage. He needs something to brace against to push, or else he can tend to put too much weight on you. And you need to be positioned enough that the angle is right (I explain in more detail in my book).
Ironically, hotel beds tend to be just AWFUL for this, because they go for softness. When you sink into a mattress it may feel luxurious, but it’s often not the best for sex.
The solution sometimes is to turn 180 degrees so that your feet are against the headboard. This gives him a little more leverage. Or ask for a hotel with a “dial a bed” so that you can make the bed firmer if it’s too soft.
(Also, if you are going to a hotel, ask for a room with a king sized bed rather than a room with two queens. It can actually be hard to sleep with someone lying next to you, so go for a bigger bed.)
4. Think baths & massages.
Want to relax as you’re getting to know each other? Think jacuzzi tub (or even a plain bathtub!). Think massage oil and giving each other whole body massages. It will help you be naked together with something to do–other than just have sex! And showering and taking baths is a great way to feel intimate and get used to each other.
One note: movies make jacuzzi sex seem easy and so much fun! It can be fun to “fool around”, but the angle is awfully hard to get right in a jacuzzi. Have fun, but if you have to move to the bed for the “main event”, that’s honestly okay. And likely a lot easier.
5. Take some lubrication!
For some people the first time hurts; for some it really doesn’t. If it does hurt, it won’t for very long (and if it hurts because it’s too tight, that’s a different issue. Just keep working on relaxing, and if after a few days it still doesn’t work, read this).
Are you ready for the honeymoon you always dreamed of?
The Honeymoon Course is here to help you plan the perfect honeymoon and start your marriage (and your sex life!) off with laughter, joy and fun!
Don’t make the same mistakes other couples have–get it right from the beginning!
6. Think clean up! It can be messy.
Have some towels or Kleenex by the bed. It can be a lot messier than you think.
7. Cranberry juice is your friend.
If you’ve never had sex before, and now you’re suddenly going to “try” new things a whole bunch of times in the next few days, that’s a big jolt to your body. It’s hardly surprising that one of the most common reasons for going to the doctor during one’s honeymoon is urinary tract infections.
But you can avoid these! Just pee after each time you have sex (urine is actually sterile and can “clean out” all the extra stuff there) and drink some cranberry juice. You’ll be fine. And make sure he urinates, too! It’s much better for both of you and a good habit to get into.
The wedding night can be very daunting- but it is the first night of the rest of your life.
8. Bring something else to do on the honeymoon.
If you’re going to a hotel or a honeymoon destination for a few days, you’re going to need something else to do. Seriously. You can’t have sex all the time.
There are plenty of other things to do on your honeymoon that will still provide quality time together. Bring some board games two people can play. Bring a computer with Netflix on it. Bring bathing suits to go swimming or work out gear. Bring good sneakers so you can go for a hike or play tennis.
The last thing you want is to be stuck in your hotel room, bored, with a remote control, skipping through old episodes of CSI.
9. Bring some pyjamas. And a robe. And a sweater.
Lingerie is wonderful, and every woman should have some for her wedding night and honeymoon! We all feel a little less self-conscious with a little bit of fabric.
But remember: hotel air conditioning can be notoriously cold. Bring some actual pyjamas. And a robe. And a sweater. Or you just may freeze!
One bride wrote on my Facebook page that they forgot clothes altogether. They went straight to the hotel room from the reception and didn’t have a bag of clothes. They were stuck in their room the whole next day and missed the breakfast until a relative came and rescued them!
10. Practice Makes Perfect!
One woman wrote on Facebook: “my husband always says, ‘first night is highly overrated; so get it over with and practice, practice, practice!’ “
I think that’s good advice!
I hope you’re able to relax and have a great time getting to know each other on your wedding night. Remember, I have a whole chapter of wedding night tips in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, and I hope that it helps you start your marriage in a fun, stress-free way.