It’s Wednesday, the day that we always talk marriage. I introduce a topic, and then you can link up your own marriage posts in the linky below! Today Tiffany Godfrey, author of The Top 12 Mistakes Married Women Make–and How to Avoid Them, joins us talking about how our expectations in marriage can get in the way!
Would you agree that God has a heart for marriage?
I would say yes.
But if God loves marriage so much, then why are so many marriages failing?
I can understand the celebrity who doesn’t profess Christ as her Savior or the Muslim woman who denies the deity of Christ.
But what about those of us who have been blood washed and profess to have a true relationship with Christ?
If anyone should have a great marriage, it should be Christians, right?
And I think one of the ways we can discover how to experience an excellent marriage is to consider first how we view our husbands.
The question is, when you look at and think about your husband, do you see him as Superman or Clark Kent?
Because how you view your husband will determine how much love, honor, and respect you give him on a consistent basis.
I Finally Found My Superman!
I want you to think back on the first time you met your husband and then your days of courtship.
Wasn’t he one of the most gorgeous, romantic, and powerful men you knew? He could do no wrong and he was kind, considerate, and loving. Even when your friends and family kept telling you to look beyond his “strong muscles and flawless exterior,” you couldn’t.
You know why? Because you couldn’t clearly see. Your spiritual discernment was not as clear. For this reason, you were only able to see this man’s “Superman” side. And even when he did show a little bit of his Clark Kent side, you excused it believing that it would go away once you were married.
When you’re in love it’s so easy to overlook people’s flaws.
I know I did.
My husband could do no wrong. He loved God, he had a leadership position in the church. And for our first year of dating, it was the perfect relationship. In fact, after a year, I knew this would be the man I would marry. I would have married him after our first year of dating, but he wanted to wait. “For what?” I would often ask.
“You love me and I love you. We love God. He’s got our backs…”
Yes, God did have our backs, but what I didn’t realize as a young lady in my early twenties was that marriage would require so much more than love and an occasional date night.
After about 3 ½ years of dating, my husband, Dexter and I finally tied the knot. It was great for a while, but I quickly realized that I was no longer a single woman able to make my own decisions about everything.
Have you ever been there?
In shock after being married because you realize things have changed forever?
In addition, you begin to see your husband beyond the Superman muscles and the cape. In fact, he’s taken off his muscle suit and his cape, and the only thing you have left is Clark Kent.
You begin to think, “This is not the man I married! I want my Superman back!”
What Does a Typical Clark Kent Look Like?
Clark Kent is not impressive.
He’s not a horrible guy, but maybe he’s a little messy and he snores in his sleep.
Clark Kent says some things that hurt your feelings, and sometimes he doesn’t even apologize for it because he’s so busy watching TV or texting that he doesn’t even realize you’re hurt!
Clark Kent is not a good money manager and to make things worse, he has a dark side where he dabbles in porn from time to time.
Once you begin to see the reality of your Clark Kent you begin to wonder, “How can I battle against these vices and his flaws?”
And you ask yourself and God if your marriage is worth fighting for anymore.
You begin to wonder if you ever really loved this man. Then your respect for your husband dwindles. And in the midst of your hurt, pain, frustration, and broken promises you cry out to God asking Him to change this man…
I’d Like to Exchange This Husband for Another One, Please!
In your disillusionment with your husband, of course you pray because that’s what Christian women should do for their husbands, right?
But you also start fantasizing about other men. Your co-worker, the deacon at church, or even your friend’s husband begin to look more appealing than your husband.
After all, he’s only Clark Kent and these men are Supermen.
So you think.
This is similar to what happened to me.
We had just had our first son. Money was tight, we were in jeopardy of losing our home, and this caused a snowstorm of arguments.
One morning, after an argument, I left for work. Not long after I arrived, my boss complimented me on my hair.
Fireworks shot off in my mind!
Because I felt so drained and empty from my marriage, that small compliment gave me a sense of validation. And from that point on, it caused me to have a crush on my boss.
I found myself connecting with this man through conversation at work. It was light, but it had the potential to go farther.
Eventually I had to share how I felt about this man with Dexter. It bothered me to have these types of feelings for any man other than my husband. But, I truly believe my confession to my husband prevented me from taking this relationship with my boss to another level. Although I never slept with my boss, my mind and heart wandered and this was just as wrong.
From this experience, I discovered the dangers of mental and emotional adultery.
To me, my boss had become my Superman and he seemed to be more sensational than the Clark Kent husband I had at home.
But it was a mirage, an illusion, and a deception from the enemy of my soul.
In fact, one of my friends once told me, “All men have issues. It just depends on what types of issues you want to deal with…”
I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.
We look at the men at church, at work, and even on TV hoping that these men will rescue us and give us a sense of worth.
But in reality, all men are struggling with something, just as we are.
Love, Honor, and Respect Your Husband in His Greatness…And in His Humanity
How can you learn to both love and appreciate the Superman and the Clark Kent side of your husband? Here are some tips:
- Recognize how God loves you and showers you with grace and blessings
- Look at yourself and identify where you can grow in the marriage relationship
- Pray that God will help both you and your husband to grow
- Don’t try to change your husband
- Appreciate the good characteristics of your husband and praise him for those things
As Christian women, we have a responsibility to do our part to make the marriage work. In other words, we can’t wait for our husbands to grab us, hug us, and say, “I love you!” before we start treating them with honor and respect.
Here’s why: In Ephesians 5:22 we’re called to submit to our husbands. That’s it. This means that we must show respect and honor on a consistent basis — whether he’s being Superman or Clark Kent.
If you want a solid marriage, it’s important to love, honor, and respect your husband when you see him on his good days. And you should also love him and treat him with respect on his bad days because nobody is perfect.
Tiffany Godfrey is a blogger, author, speaker, wife, and mom. She loves encouraging married women and offering practical tips on how they can do their part to grow in their marriage relationship. She also volunteers with her husband as a Family Life Weekend to Remember Co-Director.
For more tips on promoting a happy, healthy marriage, you can order Tiffany’s book on Amazon, The Top 12 Mistakes Married Women Make…And How to Avoid Them!
You can connect with Tiffany at: CommittedWife.com, a site that specifically speaks to Christian women and offers them marriage tips, interviews, and marriage quotes, based on God’s word. You can also follow her on: Pinterest, Facebook, and Twitter.
Now it’s your turn! Do you have a marriage post you’d like to share? Enter the URL of the post in the linky below! And be sure to link back here so that other people can read these awesome marriage posts!
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