Today welcome Frannie Anne from Authentic Virtue, who shares with us the benefits of postponing her honeymoon–as a couple, they ended up being so grateful!
I thought that with my daughter getting married soon this might be a good one to talk about. Here’s Frannie Anne:
Every couple awaits their honeymoon with eagerness and joy. Tickets are bought, bags packed and dreams made as they prepare for a time of delight, intimacy and fun. But what happens when a couple cannot afford the time and money honeymoons often demand? What if schedules, itineraries and activities bring offer more stress then relaxation? It’s a road far less traveled, but one I highly recommend:
Postpone the honeymoon and enjoy the benefits of doing so.
My darling man and I had agreed to wait for our honeymoon. Having begun a new job meant that my husband didn’t have the luxury to take time away from work and in reality, neither of us could afford a trip.
But, boy, did we have a honeymoon.
Three months before our wedding, I helped my fiancée move into our rental. During those months he scrubbed, painted, and cleaned the bungalow from top to bottom in preparation for when I would come to live with him. After our wedding, I hopped into his white truck and we drove three hours northwest to our home.
And just like countless couples before us, Dalton carried me over the threshold and our honeymoon at home began.
Now, after eleven months of marriage, we are packing our bags, buying tickets, and preparing for our honeymoon away from home. And boy, are we excited!
Even though we are brimming with excitement, I think there were huge blessings that came from waiting to take our big trip. Here are three benefits of postponing your honeymoon.
1. You enjoy each other without pressure
Traveling naturally creates pressure (and stress). Flying (or driving), checking in, and finding your way around a new environment can cause new couples extra stress that, although they’re more than happy to deal with, doesn’t have to be.
For Dalton and I, two very happy introverts, there was no place like home. We settled into each other (and our marriage) without the stress and pressure of the outside world. Although Jefferson City was new to me, Dalton knew the places I would want to visit, explore, and eat at so he spent the first few weeks making my time extra special. It was wonderful.
2. You know each other
Last night, as we were snuggling in bed, I told Dalton that my love for him had grown so much during our marriage that I wondered how it was possible that I loved him while we were dating — my love is just so much greater and deeper than I ever thought possible! But that’s what happens when you give love time — it grows and multiplies.
When a couple first marries, you really don’t know each other. Oh, you may know what your beliefs are, your plans, and how each of you think. But you haven’t seen how your man handles throwing up, or for that matter, handles watching you throw up. You haven’t seen him handle the in’s and out’s of finances. You haven’t been humbled by his bravery and courage when he patiently waits for unanswered prayers and walks through broken dreams. You don’t know him yet.
But you will.
For us, it was worth putting off an official honeymoon. We know and love each other far better than when we first said “I do.”
And I think that knowledge will make our honeymoon even better.
3. You will enjoy your trip better
This last point may cause an incredulous, nervous shock to radiate among my dear conservative, homeschooling friends, but I stand by it. Your honeymoon is about intimacy … having sex with your beloved.
((GASP!)) 😉
But really, it is!
God designed marriage to be a beautiful, creative, sexual adventure for you and your spouse and, if you have followed His ways, your honeymoon will be the beginning to that amazing adventure. Of course, each couple is different, but for us it was important to give ourselves time. I can’t imagine how stressful it would have been for me if we would have been honeymooning in the tropics and I would have known that at every moment there was some planned activity, some recreation, to partake in.
Of course, I know that it is totally possible to plan a beautiful honeymoon and not be roped into all the activities and adventures offered. But for me, it would have been stressful. I loved knowing that at any time we could go explore our new town and then safely retire back to our cozy, little home and into my man’s strong arms. Physical intimacy (and getting used to it) requires time and I am thankful for the time and freedom not being on a honeymoon offered.
Plus, now that we have been married for eleven months (and we’re both fully used to and enjoying the intimate side of marriage 😉 I know that we will be able to really enjoy our upcoming trip. 🙂
And remember: If you’re getting married soon, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex will help you get ready for the marriage, and the honeymoon–whenever you decide to take it! It makes a great bridal shower gift–but every married woman should read it, too.
What do you think? Did any of my points resonate with you? Or maybe you had the time of your life at your get-away honeymoon? Let me hear your thoughts — I’d love to know!
Frannie Anne is a twenty-five year old, apartment-dwelling blogger who finds any excuse to keep fresh flowers and a well-kissed husband. At Authentic Virtue, she writes about the joys (and learnings) of marriage, being a Christ-following Christian and the everyday blessings of living in the capital of Missouri.
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Frannie, you bring up such great points! My husband and I didn’t have a typical honeymoon either. When we finally got away, we really loved the fact that we were more comfortable with each other, we had developed some sort of rhythm which helped us enjoy each other more. Nothing wrong with “immediate” honeymoon! 🙂 (in fact that’s what I wanted, just that it wasn’t possible) but having it later is still so much fun!
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My husband and I had our honeymoon right after the wedding and we really enjoyed it. I think what made it work well for us, though, was that we didn’t go to a typical honeymoon destination and we didn’t have a crazy itinerary. We rented a cabin in the woods for a week. That gave us a “homey” location we could stay in and then go out for adventures as we felt like it. There was no heat in the cabin except the fireplace, which even in early June we had to light to stay warm at night. And there was no microwave – only a stove. We had to buy groceries and cook. So it was an adventure, but a homey one. We definitely wanted a place where we would have plenty of time with just the two of us in a private location to figure out sex. Then we went on a train trip and stayed on top of a mountain in a caboose all night. We were the only people up there. And then we spent a couple nights in a state park lodge. Because we did mostly outdoor (i.e. free) things in an area that wasn’t a honeymoon destination, we could afford to make it a longer trip. It was really a lot of fun.
I can see how taking the honeymoon later on in marriage would be a benefit for a lot of people. But if you’re going on a honeymoon right after the wedding, I at least recommend planning plenty of free time just to stay in and enjoy each other and figure out the physical side of your new marriage. Why stress yourself going from one activity to another and not taking time to really start into the marriage relationship right?
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My husband worked for American Airlines, so we could fly for next to nothing and went to Maui for our honeymoon, then took a second honeymoon the next year to Switzerland and Italy. The honeymoon was spent in decent hotels, but our trip to Europe was on the cheap and we stayed in some pretty shabby locations, especially in Rome. But it was an adventure and I enjoyed both trips immensely! Thanks for sharing these tips, Frannie Anne!
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Very interesting perspective! For us, we did honeymoon right away but we planned only simple outings and traveled locally, never having to journey more than 2 or 3 hours a day! We’ve been married 6 years and have yet to go to a stereotypical honeymoon location, but we’ve loved going on trips to visit family and friends. That’s more our style…especially with starting a family right off the bat (I had to pause in the middle of writing this post to deal with our 3rd child’s newborn poop explosion….that wouldn’t really gel with a cruise or Hawaii!)
Basically, I’d agree that if you are traveLing extensively and expensively, a postponed trip makes sense, but right after the wedding, whether you plan to go somewhere or stay home, just keep it simple and stress free! That will keep the primary focus on enjoying your time together as newlyweds!
While I think delaying a honeymoon would be great for some people, my husband and I went right after our wedding. We still had a year of college left and had no idea what the next summer would hold with jobs, where we’d be living, etc., so it made sense to go then, and we loved it. We didn’t have a lot of money to use, so we kept it pretty simple and made sure not to plan too many activities 🙂 I know some people who said they were going to go on a honeymoon at a later date and then never ended up having one for one reason or another. If you decide to delay your honeymoon, I would suggest setting a date for it so that it doesn’t get lost in the shuffle of everyday life.
We honeymoon right out from the reception. But I’d have it no other way. The week before was stressful, my mom was dying and we didn’t know if she would make it to our wedding. We NEEDED the time to decompress, without jumping back into life. We did plan 2 nights in the same town where we got married… and had lunch with my parents on the Monday after, then took off to the away part of the honeymoon. Mom died just after we returned, and had we not had those blissful few days to get to know each other, that event would of been far more stressful. I think more than postponing the honeymoon, couples need to keep it simple and relaxed. make plans so you have time to sleep as you want or need, make love leisurely and slow. That is what I think is far more important.
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My husband and I are both introverts as well. 🙂 We got married Oct. 2013, and had a very relaxing honeymoon: we went to our new home for Sat night-Sun. On Monday, we headed to a secluded beach house, where we spent most our time in a very relaxed manner! A couple times we ventured to the beach (it was Nov by then!), and one day drove to a local attraction (at our own pace). I am glad we had a non-stressful, lots of one-on-one time because sex was slow (and uncomfortable) at first (hubby bought Intended for Pleasure on Kindle during that time… something he said we didn’t need beforehand, but it helped answer some questions and difficulties we ran into). It was relieving taking “breaks” by cuddling together with some fav comfort food and a movie a couple times a day. 🙂 Of course things are going great now… sounds like a good idea to take an “exciting” honeymoon! 😛
My husband and I left on our honeymoon to Mexico early the next morning after our wedding. It actually went really well – the only travel stress happened on the way home when we almost missed our connecting flight in Texas! But that wasn’t our fault, it was the airline’s fault, and by some miracle our luggage made the connection. 🙂 We went to an all-inclusive resort on the Mayan Riviera and enjoyed the heck out of it. Our room got upgraded to a Junior Suite so we had plenty of room to spread out and settle in. The food was awesome. We didn’t actually do any planned activities. We spent the entire week sleeping in, laying by the pool or on the beach, eating ourselves silly (I had seafood at almost every meal – I was in heaven!), and enjoying all those things there were to enjoy as newlyweds. 😉 It was just super relaxing and we planned it that way. After all the wedding craziness we really just wanted to have a time where we didn’t have to think about anything. Nice and slow paced. I’d encourage anyone planning a honeymoon for right after the wedding to take that into account – keep it slow and chill. No need to run around playing tourist or doing crazy adventure things. It’s okay to hole up in the resort and just be pampered and served the entire time.
We went on a 3 day honeymoon and left the day after our wedding. It was a really nice cottage in wine country and only a 3 hour drive from home. I have actually often thought that we should have waited a couple of days before we left. I was so anxious to get to the honeymooning and wanted to have our time together ASAP. But the schedule rushed us (and all my husband could think of was getting there and checking it off his to-do list) and lots of bad things happened.
However, I didn’t plan anything during our three day stay and we should have. There was literally NOTHING to do where we were and my husband was extremely bored and irritable. I was looking forward to just relaxing in a really nice suite and doing absolutely NOTHING after the extremely stressful time (couple of years, actually) that we’d been through. HE just wanted to go do his own thing or be entertained, or something. *I* wanted it to be this magical time…. and we were both miserable.
So, in retrospect, if we would have waited a couple of days before we left, and actually planned something to do (we quickly discovered that wine tasting and touring is NOT our thing) I think our story would have turned out completely differently.
We also had no idea how to have fun together or relax when we got married, and that was our biggest problem. I’m not sure how we could have fixed that. This year we are going to Ireland and the UK for our 4 year anniversary. It’s our first trip alone since our honeymoon (we usually travel with friends or family) and I’m really hopeful that it’s a much better experience!
I honestly think that, for us, we just can’t expect travel to be romantic. If we want a romantic time, we go to a really fancy hotel in town or stay at home. But we have found that vacations are NEVER a time to expect romance or much/decent sex. So, with more realistic expectations about what our focus is while traveling, I think we will fare better.
I can totally support this!
I really wanted to take a honeymoon right after the wedding, but in retrospect, I think I would have appreciated it more had we waited. The main reason that we took a honeymoon right away is because we had a 2 week gap between getting married and being able to move into our home. So for those two weeks, we would be living with my husband’s parents and 5 younger siblings. NOT the environment in which I wanted to connect with my new husband!
We took a ten day honeymoon to an all inclusive resort. We didn’t plan any activities and just hung around. It was lovely. However, I took off a full week of work, which was very stressful for me, and coming back was even more stressful! I actually cried most of the last day of our honeymoon due to the stress of going back to work after missing so many days.
I also feel like we couldn’t appreciate the intimacy aspect of the honeymoon as much as we would now, after a year of marriage.
we didn’t go far for our honeymoon and it was just as well. Since we waited we spent almost the entire time in the bedroom! 🙂 If we had gone somewhere wonderful overseas I would have felt like I was missing out either on the bedroom stuff or the lovely environment. Definitely I would agree – save the wonderful destinations for a little bit later in your marriage.
Good post! We went to southern California on our honeymoon. My husband, bless his heart, made me cry because he was in such a bad mood because of all the crowds at Disney, Sea World, etc. If we had relaxed at home, or close to home, the first week of marriage, I doubt he would have been such a grumpy pants and made me cry.
On the other hand, since he DOES hate crowds so much, the traditional right-after-the-wedding honeymoon was probably my only chance to ever get him to do a vacation like that. I honestly don’t think we would have gone on a honeymoon at all if we had waited. The only exception would be if we had made the travel arrangements before the wedding when we were doing all of our other planning. So if someone reading this is engaged and thinking of postponing the honeymoon, you may want to consider this option!
That’s what my hubby and I did. We got married Aug 2, and July and August were the busiest months for me at work. I think I was off work for 4 days for the wedding (it was in the town I grew up in, 4 hours from where we live now.) Then, in October we went on a honeymoon to Mexico. We definitely planned it at the same time as the wedding, and we were also able to have our honeymoon as one of the things on our wedding registry, and use some of our wedding gift money to pay for part of it.
Great post! I think it would be great for more people to at least consider a delayed honeymoon as an option (I never even considered it!). Another reason that a delayed honeymoon could be a good plan is that I have known MANY, many, many people who have gotten sick on their honeymoon right after the wedding because the stress of the wedding wore them out/lowered their immunities (my husband was one of these people). Just something to consider!
This sounds sensible. But I’m getting married in December. I hate winter in the US so much. The few days between Christmas and New year is also the only time I get off. So I want to go somewhere warm with ocean and sun. We were thinking a cruise in the Caribbean or something. It’s off season, we don’t have to pack and unpack, other people cook and clean and there are things to do if we want to, but there’s always the option to just stay on the ship and do nothing. Vacation for me = cooking and eating nice things, taking walks and exercising a lot and reading also known as doing nothing. Vacation for him = doing things. So a cruise seems to be a nice compromise. I can send him off by himself to do things if I really just need a day to stay in bed and read. And I can handle going on shore and wondering around every couple of days.
SO agree with this!!!! Of course, we did the traditional thing and went a few days after the wedding (and it was wonderful) but I was terrified; I’d never been out of the country, there’d been a string of husbands-killing-wives-on-vacation-for-insurance-money in the news, and honestly I didn’t know my husband that well (I mean, enough to be positive he was a great guy, but the amount you learn about someone after marriage is huge). We went off season and pretty much had an entire island to ourselves except for some wild horses so it ended up being really relaxed and fun. But the honeymoon is all about sex anyway, so stay somewhere you’re already comfortable, and have something big to look forward to a few months out! Both my sisters took this to heart and had fabulous honeymoons 6mo after their weddings.
My husband and I didn’t get a honeymoon because we were so poor when we got married! We went on a trip a year later, but had bad weather the whole time. Still had fun! ❤️
I can definitely see how waiting could be fun and have its perks, especially if as other commenters said, the trip is planned and put in place while the wedding plans are being arranged to make sure it happens. That said, we went right away, and I definitely would not do it differently if I had to do it over.
We went somewhere beautiful, planned relaxing things to do (we were in California wine country, so pretty much we ate food, took walks, and tasted wine), and spent a lot of time just chilling. Sex definitely was a big challenge at the beginning, and while it would have been awesome to be better at it when we had the time, it was so nice to not have the stress of normal life on top of the uncertainty of exploring new territory sexually. The other thing I actually really appreciated about going right after our wedding was the very fact that you get to know someone so much better after marriage. The honeymoon was almost a crash course in that — we had never spent so much time together, but we go to do it in a really fun, lovely, relaxed way, and I felt so much more comfortable and at home with my husband after the trip. We started our marriage with a stock of fun married vacation memories, and for us, that was great.
I think one of the main things that is super important in this article is taking stock of who you and your fiancé are, what would work best for you (and your life situation at the time), and what you really want to get out of the trip. Its great to not think you have to do things a certain way just because that’s the way people do them.
I’m so glad you had a great trip and that your marriage is off to such a happy start 😀
Quick note on that — we had actually traveled together a good bit while dating, so we were somewhat used to being together under travel stress. If a couple hadn’t traveled together much, I think a honeymoon right off (depending on what kind of travelers the people are) could be really stressful.
I think it really depends on the couple and the circumstances. I can see how delaying would be good for some. As for myself, I’m really grateful that we had the time and funds to do our honeymoon right after the wedding. We got a great deal on a Jamaican resort trip, and we’re both laid back enough that we didn’t have activities planned every moment of the trip, so there was plenty of time to relax and get to know each other better. Also, frankly, the sex part of the honeymoon was unexpectedly really painful for me physically (totally not my husband’s fault, for the record, he was very patient), so I’m glad that we still had a beautiful location, fun things to do, and really yummy food. The vacation aspect of it is what lets me look back on it as a good start to our marriage. I think I would have felt much more pressure and been much more of a wreck going through that at home. And I’m hoping that if I do manage to get those physical issues worked out in the future, we can take a second honeymoon so we can have more fun with that part of it. 😉
My husband and I spent our Wedding Night in a local hotel with a jacuzzi tub, that was paid for by our dollar dance at our wedding. Scoff at that if you will but it’s pretty much tradition in my family 😉 My cousin, who was one of my Bridesmaids had a bottle of champagne waiting for us in our room 🙂
Then the next morning, we left for our Honeymoon in Myrtle Beach, SC. My husband is deathly afraid of flying so some exotic Honeymoon in Mexico or the Carribean was out of the question. It took us about 12 hrs to drive there with stops for fuel and to eat. We rented a room from Sunday thru Friday night on the Ocean–hubby had never seen the Ocean 😉 spent a few days just lying around at the pool or on the beach itself–did a few touristy things..walked along the Ocean Blvd in Myrtle Beach…ate out quite a bit…went shopping one day…nothing was ever planned other than our arrival and departure 😉
I disagree. My husband and I did not have a real honeymoon because money was tight. We spent a night at a bed and breakfast which was wonderful, but we had every intention of taking a “real” honeymoon someday. 10 years and 4 children later someday has yet to come. I wish we would have honeymooned before life got in the way.
My husband and I waited, because I had just started a new job and he did not have a job. We thought we’d go on a honeymoon for our 5 or 10 year anniversary, but life and poor finances got in the way. However, we finally took our Honeymoon 18 years later and it was wonderful! The opportunity arose and we took it. Don’t despair if it doesn’t happen for a certain anniversary and think it will never happen. Look forward to it happening some day and dream about it together. Your kids will grow up, hopefully your finances will come together and you will enjoy celebrating all you’ve been through and all that you have to look forward to.
I pray for marriages at 8AM every morning and this is something I will add to my prayers. Honeymoons right after the wedding or 18 years later are important times to step outside of the normal 9 to 5 of daily life and just enjoy the spouse we have been given.
Me and my husband were forced by the Navy to even postpone our wedding night when emergency order5s were issued to replace a division on a boat because the whole division was caught in a drug test and had to be arrested. When he came home after three and a half years of going back out to sea or schools. He discharged and came home to a demanding society at work and with his own family. As well as me, I was bi polar, and schizo effective. He actually spent 31 years with only six days off, Thanks to the needs of everyone else. and the six days were for recovery from a surgery that sank a hole to the center of his head to remove a tumor, The reason why it was only six days instead of the sixty his doctor wanted was his father and several co workers showed up at our door and pushed me to the floor and yanked him out of bed saying his absence was causing to much chaos with everyone..
Things just kept happening after that which left everyone including me not willing to give my husband an inch, Now I have a husband that does not give an inch himself, He finally forced me into being a real wife, anyone gets in his way just ends up broken and bloody, traditions built over 30 years trashed for vacations and holidays because my husband insists on if I am invited so is he, he has taken the power of the purse to himself and things have become a terror if anyone says no you will not because they would be lucky to escape with their head on their shoulders.
What I am saying is that you need to start a life between the two of you right off the bat, postponing that life only gets a way for interference, more postponing, and eventually that life turns into either what mine has, a grizily bear out for blood, or a divorce. I ended up with the bear, a terror to live with unless he gets his way in the marriage, and to late to get out of the marriage.
We went to an all inclusive desination in the Caribbean, and it was a last. I have no regrets about the stress of travel–being out of the country with no phones and with everything already paid for was amazing.
One thing I didn’t count on, was how HARD sex was for us physically. It was a few days before we were able even have intercourse and each of those first few times was excruciating for me (even with all the tips in your book and others). I also experienced quite a bit of bleeding probably the first 3 times. This is not the norm, but it is definitely normal for sex to be less than fireworks in the beginning. If we had planned to go somewhere without fun things to do I think our honeymoon would have been seriously tarnished by the painful intimacy we experienced. Instead, we had fun wonderful memories to make and distract us from something that was disappointing. Fortunately the intimacy situation is much better now, so the tranquil mini vacations are more fun now than they ever would have been then!
That was exactly what happened to me! It took 4 tries to be able to really do anything, and I couldn’t even go swimming for half of the trip because of the bleeding. I’m glad to hear that the situation has improved for you–it gives me hope that it’ll stop being painful for me someday, too. Thanks for the encouragement!