Waiting on God is not natural for me.
I’m a Type A personality. When I see a problem, I analyze it. I tackle it. And I jump in! In fact, problems exhilirate me. I love the thrill of figuring out how to fix something and get it to go the way I want it to go.
I found this article in the archives of the blog that I wrote four years ago, and I thought it was worth running again, because it speaks to an issue I think we all struggle with: How do we let go? Here’s what I said back then, and I think it’s still relevant:
Trying to fix things didn’t work tremendously well growing up, and God had to hit me over the head a few times to make me trust Him. I was constantly interfering in friendships, in relationships, trying to force them to go my way because I figured I knew best. And I couldn’t just let sleeping dogs lie. I couldn’t do NOTHING.
If something was wrong with a friend, or a boyfriend, I had to fix it RIGHT NOW THIS MINUTE.
That’s why I had such a hard time trusting God with the fact that I would marry. I wanted to marry so desperately, and in my late teens I was always on the lookout for possible candidates. When I did start dating my now husband, I sort of barrelled my way all over him. I saw that we would work together, and I made sure he realized that, too. I didn’t exactly wait for him to come to that conclusion; I made sure that he saw it my way.
Unfortunately, that scared him off, and he ended up breaking up our first engagement. I was just moving too fast. I was absolutely devastated and heartbroken, and had to wrestle my life out with God again. I had to acknowledge to God that He was my source of strength, not Keith.
I had to acknowledge to God that no matter what happened, I would trust Him, not look for fulfillment in other people. Waiting on God became my goal.
It was a very rough summer, but in retrospect one that I really needed. And Keith came back to his senses and we married anyway.
A few years later I had to wrestle with God again, over a problem that I couldn’t solve. My baby boy had a serious heart defect, one that was likely to kill him. And there was absolutely nothing I could do. Here I was, someone who would stay awake at night mulling over problems and strategizing my next steps to get rid of those problems, and there was absolutely no strategizing that would help. It was all about trusting God. And so I did. Even though my son didn’t make it, I learned that God was always there, and that He is enough.
And yet lately I have been reminded that God perhaps isn’t finished with these lessons for me.
I have found in my marriage that “trust” is often the last thing I’m able to do.
Oh, I can trust Keith fine. I just can’t always trust God to solve my problems.
So if Keith and I had disagreements, I would stew and plan and strategize all day, and often call him in the middle of the day, to work it out. I used my brilliant insights. I gave him my air tight arguments of what we should do now and where we should go. And usually I ended up winning. Yet is it really winning if Keith hadn’t had a chance to think it over, to go to God with it Himself? If Keith hadn’t been able to explain what he wants?
Waiting on God would have been a lot more productive–and a lot more in line with what God wants for us to do.
I’m getting slowly better at stepping back and letting Keith process. I’m getting slowly better at going on with life when something is wrong in my marriage, trusting that we’ll be able to work it out later on tonight, or in a few days when we have time to sit together.
I’m getting slowly better at waiting on God, and not just bowling ahead and trying to solve everything.
But it is not working in my kids’ lives. I feel as if with them God is asking me to step back, too, and let my kids make their own mistakes. I feel as if He is saying that I have to trust God with my kids’ futures. It was hard enough to trust Him first time around with mine; now I have to trust Him with theirs! I never realized that this, in many ways, is harder.
Some problems can’t be fixed, and sometimes the efforts that we make at fixing them actually prohibit God from working.
What if God is trying to let your children go through a period of waiting, or trusting, and you try to fix it for them?
What if God is trying to wrestle with your husband about something, and you try to get your husband to talk everything out before God has really had time to soften him or convict him? What if God is planning a better solution, and you rush in because you can’t handle that uncomfortable feeling where everything is not in equilibrium?
There are times I need to step back. I am not God. I need to listen to what God says about my kids, and I need to trust Him with them. I don’t like doing that. Maybe God is telling you the same thing about your husband. Maybe you and your husband have an issue between you, and you want it solved RIGHT NOW. Ask yourself: why do I want it solved now? Is it because it needs to be solved, or is it simply because I don’t like this uncomfortable feeling? And if it’s the second, then your problem is not your husband. Your problem is your lack of trust in God to work this out.
I’m learning that I have to wait on God, put my problems in His hands, and ask Him to show me when I should do something about them–and when I should do nothing.
And I’m learning that He wants me to act far less frequently than I would like.
What about you? Has God been teaching you to wait on Him? How do you handle it?
UPDATE: I wish I could have had a looking glass back when I wrote this and struggling with some of my girls’ heartache and disappointment. Right now my oldest daughter is engaged and we’re planning the wedding, and she has found someone who loves Jesus. She’s honestly going to be okay. I was right to trust God–He does look after our kids.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
You have absolutely no idea how much this is relevant to my situation…
I am in the midst of the most painful, fiery trial of my life…There is nothing I can do but pray and wait…I am trying so much to let go and trust Him through this…
Thank you for this.
Thank you Sheila. I needed to read this, it is exactly what I am going through with a child.
Thank you for this! My husband and I are on the fence about whether or not to have more children. I just like to have things mapped our fore but I find I need to stop trying to control things and put it in God’s hands.
We were there about 6 years ago. It was starting to become an issue between us. I remember the night I prayed, “Lord, change his heart or change my heart, but let us be in agreement about this.” And I promised God that I wouldn’t bring it up with my husband any more.
God is good, God is faithful.
Within a couple of months we were in total agreement, and shortly after that I was expecting again. Our littlest turned 5 a few weeks ago.
Other friends have prayed similarly, and come to peace with not having more children.
I will pray for you both, that you will have the same heart. 🙂
This was my life this week, too.
Situation with extended family needing much prayer, but also considerable discussion to resolve. I like to “get on with it” and have the discussion. I have to wait, though, for everyone to be ready to talk.
I am learning.
(And, since I really do need to talk and can’t just wait, doing some talking to a trusted friend outside the family. Keeps me sane, and stops me from pestering those who need the time and space to process their own thoughts and feelings!).
The worst part of this ls learning that waiting for God to work on the other person may mean accepting that the other person has no desire to listen to God or to change/decide/move. So you end up stuck in a marriage with no communication, a house falling around your ears that isolates you from any form of friendship (seriously, my house is dangerous).
My hope remains in the fact that my time here is temporary, while my home in heaven will be beautiful and eternal.
Hope this encourages you – it also means trusting that God is bigger than the person, and big enough to change their heart and know how to get them to listen – no matter how stubborn the person may be. It wouldn’t be the first time (eg. Saul/Paul on the road to Damascus….plus every other person who never in a million years thought they would ever turn to God). It can happen! Grace and peace to you.
There’s a time wives can be lead by the Lord to speak to their husbands but like Sheila said it’s probably much less than I would like! But that doesn’t mean u can never speak up…
Sheila, you are the shot in the arm I needed today. My husband of 35 yrs. left me 10 mos. ago. I found out 2 days ago that he is seeing another woman. I’ve been TRYING to fix my marriage for 10 long months, and 2 days ago, I found out WHY it hasn’t been working. Patience is NOT my virtue. And I’ve been torturing myself for too long. I have to lay my marriage AND my husband at the feet of Jesus and just trust him with his decision for my future. I pray for strength, confidence and mostly PEACE for myself.
Very inspiring message thank you so much for enlightened
This article has been published at 2015, although I have only read it now. I agree, sometimes it so hard to wait on God. I hope that God would fix what I’m going through right now. Thank you for this article, I can really relate on it.
So glad!
Thank you for this blog. I needed this and I know that God sent it to me. I was in a relationship for over 6 yrs. I would do the same thing fix everything, and if something needed fixing I would rush to do it, calling her at her job and all. She felt offended, and I felt offended because I took it as if she didn’t care about our so called problem. Well anyway she left our relationship and I was trying to fix things and her nonchalant attitude really through me a loop. She would not call or anything. Long story short I didn’t let go. Now I am in a position where I’m listening to God and I’m letting Him do the work. Maybe she will come back maybe not, but I’m working on my trust in God first and foremost.
I am a single 32 year old mom. Just met a wonderful divorced single father. Everything seemed fine at first and now he seems distant. I want to contact him so bad my auto-control kicks in, but I know if he is the man God wants for me I must let him peruse me and it’s so hard to just sit back. I fear I will always be alone. 🙁
That’s so hard, Pam! It sounds like you’re doing exactly the right thing, though. Hang in there!
You are not alone I am in the same situation and let me tell you i have found myself trying to be patient but I love this man and he has come to me and said I am his wife so we been going thru a lot and now he don’t even text or call. I told his sister I GIVE UP when we got a phone call on the other end she clicked over and this is when the lord spoke and said ITS NOT I GIVE UP BUT ITS CALLED LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD my mouth dropped.