It’s top 10 Tuesday, and today a brave Rajdeep Paulus (who is really hoping her mother isn’t going to read this blog) is going to fill us in on her top 10 reasons for morning sex!
Back in pre-children days, hubby and I were younger. Had more time and energy. Making our way into the bedroom early in the evening seemed all too easy–except maybe when the Chicago Bulls were in the playoffs. But really, sex was a priority and seemed like the perfect way to end a day.
Sixteen years, demanding careers, and four daughters between the ages of seven and fourteen later, time and energy seem more limited than ever.
Hubby’s also biking countless miles to prepare for a cross country trek next summer to fight human trafficking. I’m juggling several manuscripts, hoping to turn in drafts to my editor before Christmas. And the girls and their needs and activities require time and attention on a daily basis.
So when does a marriage have time to thrive—especially in the bedroom?
When we were newlyweds, just figuring out each other’s bodies was a challenge. About six years in, we attended a PAIRS class over ten weeks and it changed our marriage. Gave us the tools to communicate about the most delicate of topics, taught me a lot about myself, and challenged us to stop “dirty-fighting” and work through conflict with the perspective that we were on the same team, fighting for our marriage.
One of these conflicts has always been the “WHEN” in the equation of sex. You see, I married a med student–who then went through residency. And now juggles a few roles at the hospital he works as an attending physician. Throw in four babies along the way, and the fact that we’re opposites (he’s a morning person and I love to stay up at night and sleep in,) and the limited privacy in a small house in New York. Making sure we went to bed at the same time hasn’t always been an option. But, more often than not, waking up together happens.
And before I dive into my TOP TEN Reasons for Morning Sex, I want to share one of the best gifts given to us during the Emotionally Healthy Marriages seminar we attended. On the last day, we were asked to share our concerns about our bedroom relationships with our spouses, and I brought up the choice to say no. Was it okay to say no? Especially if I’m just tired. And the answer was a resounding, YES. Sex is a gift to be given to each other out our love and commitment to each other, not out of guilt or manipulation.
BUT, knowing how important it is to invest in each other to keep our marriage thriving, we chose that day, together, to really limit our “no’s” to each other since time and energy only dwindle as we get older.
That was also the day we began the conversation about WHEN was the best time. The nights work for many couples. And if it were up to me only, I would choose nighttime. But marriage is made of two people and compromise and what works best for the both of you.
Here are the Top Ten Reasons For Morning Sex:
1. You can tap into that dream you had last night and make those details come to life in real time.
2. You have more energy in the morning, and I say this even though I do not consider myself a morning person. After a good or decent night of sleep, most people wake up recharged and refreshed.
3. You have the background of singing birds outside your window to drain out any noises that might stir the children. Well, at least till winter comes and they all go south. 😉
4. You have a little light seeping through the shades, meeting the visual needs of a great experience without the floodlights of overhead light bulbs.
5. You can stretch out your kinks and stiffness that you wake up with. Morning calisthenics never felt so good.
6. You can enjoy an undisturbed time of making love with your spouse since teenagers prefer to stay up late at night and sleep in every morning.
7. You’re more in tune to the other person’s needs—what feels good, when to slow down, or when do things differently—simply because you can see each other’s body language.
8. You can put the “good” in Good Morning and give each other something to think about all day.
9. You’re just nicer to each other when the morning starts with kisses.
10. You can go to work with a smile on your face!
And nothing is written in stone. We still break the mold many days. But for the most part, this sleepy-head wife can honestly say, that whether it’s a weekend or a weekday, the best time for us as a couple has become the morning. Because hubby is a morning person, and he patiently wakes me up with his arms circled around my waist, waiting for some sign of life.
This usually includes me turning toward and not away from him.
And with eyes closed, I drift from my dreams to his tender kisses. Morning sex is a nice way to wake up. It really is.
What did I miss? And you and your honey? When is the best time to sneak in some couple time?