What do you do if you’re invited to one of those “fun” sex toy parties–Passion Parties or PureRomance?
It’s Monday, the day when I post a Reader Question and take a stab at answering it. Today I want to tackle these sex toy parties–especially the “Christian” sex toy parties. Here’s a reader’s question:
I love to read your blog and when I was wrestling with this in my head I was curious what you would do. A good friend of mine has a direct sales business with “girls’ nights in” to explore sex toys, lubes, lingerie, other “fun” things for couples that her company sells. She’s asked me to do parties for her before and I’m skeptical only because we don’t like sex toys, and I just feel like this area of my life is more private (like I don’t share w/ anyone except for my BFF, not a room full of guests in my home). So what are your thoughts on this? Am I too uptight? Is there such a thing as Christian sex toys? Thanks!
Great question, and I’ve got a bit of a multifaceted answer. So here we go!
There’s a Difference Between Sex Aids and Sex Replacements
I’m all for using lube–It’s indispensable when you’re just married and you’re nervous about sex, and it becomes indispensable again when you’re in perimenopause/menopause and you aren’t quite as well lubricated as you used to be. It makes quickies easier, and it often makes arousal easier.
Similarly, I’m a big fan of lingerie. I think most women feel a lot more confident with a little bit of material on, and most men really appreciate us in lingerie! It also shows that we’re making an effort.
Massage candles, massage oil, even feathers–awesome! Some of the things that you use to make intercourse easier or more pleasurable–I’m fine with that. Really (though I’m not going to spell them all out). But there is a difference between something that makes enhances sex and something that basically replaces a partner during sex. For instance, I know there are times when vibrators are important–I’ve talked to some readers with health issues who have found that a husband using a vibrator on his wife is one of the only ways that he can give her pleasure, and I do understand that.
It’s just that, in general, the more you use a vibrator, the less likely you are to orgasm during intercourse because the feeling is so much more intense. No guy can vibrate like that. And I could say similar things about some other sex toys.
And the problem is that most of these parties don’t distinguish between the two, and that makes me uncomfortable. Many of them ask to advertise on this site, and I always say no. It’s not that I think sex toys are sinful–I don’t. It’s just that I think that many fall into the category of “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial” that we read in 1 Corinthians 10:23.
You don’t want to stress the physical aspect of sex over the spiritual/emotional aspect
Here’s an argument I’ve made before, so I won’t dwell on it much here. But those who tend to enjoy sex the most are also those who are the most intimate–who have been married for about a decade and a half, and who rate their spiritual intimacy as quite high. In the surveys that I did for my book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, where I explained this point in great detail, I said that the best way to make sex better was to feel more intimate already. In fact, prayer actually makes a woman more orgasmic (which I know seems weird, but it’s true!)
I firmly believe that you can be both hot and holy–and indeed, in christian sex the two tend to go hand in hand (as the holy-meter increases, so does the hot-meter!) But because of that, if we ignore the holy part entirely and simply look at the mechanics of sex, we often lose out on the beauty.
Those who feel closer will also feel more vulnerable and will be more adventurous in bed. Sex will be awesome. But if you only look at the increasing the physical aspect without the other, then you often lose something. And especially in this culture where I’ve found the biggest sexual problem most couples have is that they’ve made sex completely physical–because of porn, or the way they were brought up, etc–then doing something else which reinforces that doesn’t end up helping sex.
You can read more about this in the Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, or in my post on Christians and sex toys.
Bondage is a slippery slope
Here’s another issue–many, if not most, of today’s sex toys are bondage oriented, especially after the success of books like 50 Shades of Grey. And bondage humiliates and degrades, and treats a woman as if she were an impersonal object.
Look–tying someone up playfully can definitely enhance sensation. When you can’t move, you feel everything more. Tying them up with the intention of hurting them in some way (like spanking and whipping) or humiliating them is an entirely different thing. And as I wrote before, I just don’t see how that correlates with treating someone in a loving way.
For more about this argument, see the book Pulling Back the Shades.
Remember the “weaker brother” argument when it comes to sex toy parties
In Romans 14, Paul makes a long argument about how we have to be careful not to put a stumbling block in another person’s way. We may not have an issue with something, but if another Christian does, and we pursue it anyway, it could cause them to stumble.
The classic example here is alcohol: you and your husband may enjoy a glass of wine, but if you serve alcohol to someone who is a former alcoholic, you’re causing them to stumble. Better to leave the wine somewhere else and serve orange juice.
So let’s say that you have a friend whose marriage has been under strain because of porn issues, or because her husband wants her to do things she doesn’t want to do, or because she’s wanted to push some sexual boundaries a little too far. And then you invite her to one of these parties, thinking it’s just a “fun” way to spice up your life.
Her conscience may have been working on her lately: I need to confront my husband and tell him we’re not watching porn together anymore. I need to confront my husband and tell him that I want our marriage bed to be pure.
You then invite her to a party, and she thinks,
“Maybe I’ve been hearing God wrong! Maybe I’ve just been too uptight. I mean, here’s my friend who is an awesome Christian and she’s advertising dildos and vibrators and lots of things, so obviously I’ve been wrong thinking that our sex life has become too impersonal. Anything goes, because there’s freedom in marriage!”
And she’s now silenced the Holy Spirit who has been working on her in this area.
Look, for some people using all of these things may not affect their intimacy or marriage in the slightest. But for some it really might. And in the same way that you wouldn’t host a wine tasting or shots party for the College & Career group in your church–even if you drink wine or the occasional mixer–why would you host a sex toy party for people when you really don’t know their back story?
Spread the word about how great sex is–without a sex toy party
The church has been really sex-negative in the past, and we do need to become more sex-positive and start talking about sex more. We need to tell our friends, “I enjoy sex, and if you’re not having sex in your marriage, that’s bad and I want to help you”. We need to stop making this a secret.
I totally agree. I just don’t think that these sex toy parties are the way to do that.
So I’d love to know in the comments: How can we Christians become more vocal and sex positive WITHOUT going to the extreme? And if you think I’m wrong about Passion Parties or PureRomance, leave a comment, too! Let’s start a discussion.
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I think I have to agree with you here. There just seems to be something weird to me about sitting in a living room with a bunch of women talking about sex toys. It just doesn’t feel right to me. Plus I think the bottom line is that if you don’t feel comfortable, then you don’t need to feel pressured to have the party or go to the party.
I also wanted to comment on the example you used about not serving wine around a former alcoholic. This might seem petty, but there is no such thing as a former alcoholic. Once an alcoholic finds sobriety, they are a recovering alcoholic, but they will always have the disease of alcoholism… It doesn’t ever go away. If they were no longer an alcoholic, then they would be able to drink like a normal person, and that is just not the case.
Great point, Happywife! Thank you!
I really like your attitude on this. I went to one of these parties and was very surprised. I was expecting to be uncomfortable and wasn’t. She only talked about the sex aid stuff, creams, massage candles, lingerie, perfumes etc. After those she said there were many other things available, but the hostess had requested a clean party. If anyone was interested in other things she could help them.
I don’t know if every company has a choice of what kind of party to do, or how to make sure you’re going to the right one. So it defaults to not going or talking to the hostess ahead of time.
I for one, had no idea that ‘Christian’ and ‘sex toy parties’ could be used in the same sentence! Maybe I am a bit conservative, but I ask, what would be the purpose of such a party? I love your response Sheila. I also want to point out that, as a church, we have not really agreed on our stance on most things sex. So we often find ourselves emulating the world. We should be careful so we do not give the enemy a foothold in our lives….
At least part of the reason why they exist is that some couples might need certain items for their sex lives (lube, lingerie, massage products, and maybe the occasional vibrator or couples’ toy) but they would feel uncomfortable shopping for those in person. Most sex toy stores sell porn and erotica, so having a private party with like-minded women makes the whole experience more comfortable and less objectionable.
“…having a private party with like-minded women makes the whole experience more comfortable and less objectionable.”
I agree with you 100% Christine.
I absolutely agree! I feel incredibly uncomfortable going into an adult shop. Personally I shop online.
Chinwe
Could you give a few examples of what you are referring too?…as far as the the church emulating the world in sexual things. I think sometimes we gave the enemy a foothold by seeing sex as dirty and anything the world did with it was wrong just because they did it.Yes we need to be careful but to often became prudish!
Hi Lewis,
I was referring to sex toy parties and not the use of sex toys. It is really between the husband and wife what they want to try.
I believe in the church we are not talking about sex enough and are not basing some of our opinions on sound biblical principles. Sex is not all about getting an orgasm.
I have never been to any of these parties. So I asked what the purpose of the party was. And someone answered that it is a forum where women can talk about and help each other out without the awkwardness of going into a traditional sex toy shop. I am satisfied with the answer. That doesn’t mean I will attend such a party in the future. I would rather work out any sexual issues with my husband and possibly a trained professional. Does that make me prudish? i think not.
The point for kost of these types of parties is to empower women to learn and understand about women’s health issues and increase awareness of boosting intimacy in your relationship. Now of course there are a few that are raunchy and all about self-play.
I’m a counselor, a Christian, a missionary and…. a consultant for one of these companies. I use my parties to encourage women to care for themselves and empower them to stand up for who they are in God, especially in a intimate marriage relationship! Our company selfs only 30% toys/sexual enhancers the rest is all healthy and bath and wellness items.
If you want more info you can contact me and I’d love to talk with you!!
I love your perspective on this, Sheila! While not throwing the baby out with the bathwater, the reminder that while everything is ‘permissible’. but not necessarily beneficial, is so wise.
How true that something that enhances is a blessing, while something that replaces is dangerous.
Good stuff, friend!
I agree with you. I think sex should be fun, and Christian women should encourage other Christian women (in close friendships, in private settings) to have fun with their husbands. It shouldn’t be a taboo topic, and I think it’s okay to let your friends know that you enjoy sex with your husband, sending him sassy texts, being flirty and hinting at what is to come later on during the day, etc. I think lingerie, massage oils, etc, can be great complements to sex and help make it special and memorable, plus letting our husbands know that sex is a priority to us. But, I think these parties cross the line, for all of the reasons that you mentioned. Sheila, I have shared with you before that we used to use some of these items, and when we decided to stop, our intimate life became better than it had ever been before.
I think that the BIbles position on sex is quite clear, church folk however are caught in the snare that the world has set about sex. Sex in akin to the deepest depths of spiritual intimacy ‘Koinonia’ which produces intimacy and procreation. While physical pleasure is a wonderful part of the package, it is not all of the package. When purpose is not know abuse and misapplication is inevitable and this leads to constant dissatisfaction. I agree with Chinwe on the need to be careful as the church cuz the line between virtuous sex and what the world preaches is quite thin but the consequences are what we see in troubled marriages in the church. NO ONE holds the manual on the how of sex……Adam and Eve didn’t leave any manual. So every couple creates their personal experience and it ought to be good enough if they didn’t compare with what some magazine or some self acclaimed authority says on the subject. God created sex and is the only authority on the subject and as Long as I don’t receive an email tomorrow from Him on amending what is, then what is is good enough. Indeed there’s is way that seems right but it leads to destruction……
Most wives I know who have a great sex life feel very private about it.. as it should be…yet I agree with you- there’s a good way to talk about how important sex is. But these parties seem to emphasize the physical over the relational, mechanics over passion. This message is at best a poor second to what God intends, and at worst, a wrong message.
Hi Sheila,
Arriving at your conclusion that these parties may not be safe for all involved is very agreeable. It does seem as if your reasoning is a little unbalanced though. Mentioning the porn addiction so often and making a correlation between it and the Holy Spirit being silenced in a woman’s mind seems far fetched and bias against men. It seems in almost all marriage discussion concerning what it right or wrong/good or bad porn comes up as a quick way to deflect blame on women. I would say the largest negative to these parties would be the default tendencies women have when gathered together to discuss their spouse’s shortcomings both mentally and physically. In a setting where absolutely no negative talk is allowed concerning your husband, this might be a great ministry idea about increasing sex frequency in marriage. Also, great point about sex toys that replace the purpose of the partner to begin with. Take care.
We have ultimate freedom in Christ. The Bible does not specify as to whAt is sexually forbidden among a married couple. Have fun, be free, and have sex. Our culture and man have made so many rules for us that are not Biblical. Sex toys can be fun to use during sex.
Hi Alisa, I do understand what you’re saying, but I really want to comment here to clear up a misperception.
I never said there were rules; I said that we have to look at the Bible’s admonition in 1 Corinthians 10:23 that everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. It’s not a question of rules; it’s a question of what is BEST.
To say “anything goes” isn’t really biblical, either. We’re asked to use our minds.
Also, you clearly don’t think that married couples can do anything, because some things definitely are wrong. Watching porn together, exhibitionism, etc. etc would be wrong, I would hope we would all agree. So even people who say “there are no rules if you’re married!” don’t really think that. Obviously we can draw lines that some things are good and some things aren’t.
I’m asking people to just think about it–is it beneficial? It’s not about whether it’s permissible or not; it’s about is it beneficial? It’s permissible to go into a bar when you’re single and flirt with a ton of guys. Is it beneficial? No. So I think it’s okay to ask whether things are beneficial or not. That’s not being legalistic; that’s saying that we do need to use our brains!
I think that this article brings up a lot of good points, however, there was one sentence that really struck a chord with me.
You said, “Itâs just that, in general, the more you use a vibrator, the less likely you are to orgasm during intercourse because the feeling is so much more intense.”
—this might be true for you, but for a lot of women..may not be true. For me, personally, this statement is totally false!
Just curious, do you have any medical evidence to back up the statement of being less likely to orgasam when using a viberator? Or is that just your opinion?
I am a Christian and also a proud viberator user. I find that it adds just the right amount of spice to what my husband and I cherish together. It’s an aid, most certainly not a replacement because nothing could replace him.
I have been wondering the same thing! Now, we have a great sex life, but once in a while we like to have a little fun and try something different. We have a few toys, just cheap silly stuff really, and we only use them when we go away for a weekend or something. It’s fun to explore, but I never find the toys as satisfying as my hubby on his own đ The other thing too is that last time we got something, we actually went into what appeared to be a more “tasteful” sex shop (and it was MY idea, not hubby’s). It was awful and I won’t put myself through that again. I felt soooooooooo incredibly defiled after! Lots of S&M stuff, and lots of stuff that is just incredibly rude. But we had quite the laugh when the owner was trying to be super helpful and held up a three-prong vibrator to my husband’s face so he could feel it’s “power”. You should have seen his face, it was so wrong! LOL
My wife and I own and operate one of the top “Christian friendly” online sex toy stores. I purposely left out our web address so that this comment isn’t an advertisement for our store. Yes we were one of those sex toy stores Sheila turned down for advertisements, but we still love her and her books.
We created our store to give Christians who want to use sex toys a place where they can shop without being exposed to the non-Christian stuff the traditional sex toy stores sell. We often hear back from happy customers who tell us how an item they purchased helped to add that spark back in their sex life.
I believe that as long as sex isn’t cheapened by the use of sex toys they are OK. Cheapening sex would include having sex just to play with a toy, or using a toy as the preferred means to orgasm every time. Sex should never revolve around a sex toy. Every couple is different. Some can benefit from sex toys and others can’t. It’s up to each couple to decide if sex toys are OK or not in their bedroom. We just try to provide a “safe” place for them to shop.
Sheila,
I’m curious. I get all your points. I pretty much agree with it all. However, for us Chritian women who want to shop for lingerie or other sexy attire for our husbands, how can we safely shop w/o going to these parties, lingerie shops & such w/o being exposed to the pornography aspect of sex? I know as Christians we shouldn’t go into sex stores (& yes I have went into them w my hubby-looking over my shoulder the whole time).
I think most of the lingerie store websites would be missing the sex toy components. I wouldn’t look at the websites of lingerie stores with my husband with me, but I would look at them by myself to see what I thought he might like. Even department stores often have a lingerie dept with some pretty/cute/fun things.
I am one of those Christian “bedroom aid” sellers. And I love doing the in house “paties” for ladies. Why? Plainly because I do find that so many woman are uniformed about their role in initiating sexual intimacy. I always tell ladies that Father God created woman to keep the family together through love and that does not stop outside the bedroom. Intimacy is IMPORTANT and we often lose touch with our spouses as a result of hectic lives, kids, work etc.
My aim by doing these “parties” is to educate woman about their bodies, sexual confidence and yes Gods intention -promotes intimacy.
Vaginal health from being a young woman to being a more mature woman. Let’s face it we easily go to the doctor to tell him we are batting to have an orgasm. Therefore I would first find out why the lady is having the problem and more often than not have the privilege to pray for her and her hubby… Before selling her something to replace him.
Vibrators- what is more often not known- they do help for blood flow to the vaginal area, that often as we grow older has less blood flow to to the area therefore less oxygen, making orgasm difficult and frustrating. It is a healthy tool to increase blood flow and spice up things NEVER TO REPLACE your husband. I like telling woman to use it on his happy bit as men like some vibration too.
correctly- men can’t vibrate, thankfully. There is nothing more intimate that being loved by your husband no “bedroom aids” involved. However some medications lower libido and at times it’s helpful to get a bit of a “kick start” to become in the mood with a cream.
Starting a small source as an additional income after a very painful divorce has helped me reach out and pray for more woman that need help and I have had many ladies come back to me saying that attending one of my “parties” has helped their confidence and therefore their marriages
As a proud Christian woman, I gladly educate ladies in a safe environment, to love their husbands intimately
The irony! I am invited to one this weekend. Lol! Sheila, this is the BEST explanation, ever! I’ve been trying to rationalize my thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, and this article helped me greatly! Thank you!!!!
I am a Christian and also a consultant, most of what I sell is lubricants and lotions, massage and al those fun things, not so much the vibrators. I love to do what I do and be able to encourage other women to enjoy their sex life and have fun. My parties are fun and informative. Nothing porn or anything like that! People get the wrong idea!
Just sayin’, some of us need lube in all stages of life, not just newbies or menopause! đ I am 29 and no way I can get by without some lube most of the time. Pregnancy/breastfeeding seems to be the number one killer of my natural lube and every now and then we can get by without it but 95% of the time it’s necessary for me to even be comfortable. When I’m not pregnant that number drops to probably 50%. But I happen to know my sister doesn’t need ANY EVER and has never used it even on her wedding night (although she has not experienced pregnancy yet so there is that). Just all of us made different I guess. đ
I will chime in and agree with you. I’m SO not comfortable sitting in a group of women and talking about sex or sex toys. It is a private thing between my husband and I. I don’t want to know about anyone else’s sex life either. I was invited to one of these recently and I was thankful to have prior obligations so I didn’t have to feel like a prude by saying no. I hate that women who don’t feel comfortable with these sex parties and discussions are frowned upon like we’re some type of weirdos. I’m thankful my husband and I both agree on the topic of sex. It is private, only between the two of us. And I realize my background taints how I view sex too, but it is what it is for me. And I completely agree with the stumbling block. That is a heavy responsibility and we take it seriously.
Thank you so much for this! I absolutely agree that we need to remove the taboo on sexuality in marriage, and I think we need to start it earlier! I’m interning as a Director of Family Life Ministry right now, and I’m firmly convinced that if we spend years teaching children and teens that sex is bad and dirty, then throw them into marriages with no understanding of what healthy sexuality is, we’re setting them up for failure. I think as soon as we begin to talk to our kids about sex, we need to share not only what the proper context is for sex (one man and one woman in a marriage), but also why sex within marriage is such a beautiful thing. I’m so glad you’re working on educating on this issue in the Church!
In Titus 2:4 Paul says for the older women to teach the younger women. Wouldnât a group of women getting together (men arenât allowed at these parties) serve that purpose? Wouldnât it be beneficial for older or at least more knowledgeable women to help teach the younger and less experienced? And the verse says one of the things the older are to teach is how to love their husbands. Isnât the sexual relationship part of loving your husband? And with the lack of teaching in the church about sex, wouldnât this be a good way for women to learn how to love their husbands sexually? How else is a young woman supposed to learn how to have sex with her husband? She can read books, sure. But what if she is more of a hands on learner? Or what if she learns better if someone is explaining it rather than her reading it? Or what if after reading she has questions the books donât answer? (These are all very real scenarios.) What is she to do in that case? I would see a party like this as a great blessing to that woman because she now has a place to ask those questions and learn. And being a âChristianâ party she would be able to take comfort in the fact that she will be with other Christian women and get a biblical response and she wonât be told to do something that isnât godly.
And I understand that sex between a husband and wife is about the connection and intimacy. But once thatâs established, sex is also fun! And thatâs where things like lingerie and even toys can come into the picture. It doesnât take away from their intimacy, but it builds on it. Imagine if you built a house. First you get the foundation established. But then once the house is built, you can make all kinds of alterations and changes to it. Everything from new or different paint on the walls to renovating the kitchen to converting the garage into a gameroom. But the foundation is still there. None of that changes. So in the same way, if a couple has Jesus and marriage as their foundation and they have a strong relationship, having some fun in the bedroom is okay. It doesnât make it all about that. They still have the same foundation. In fact, itâs because they have the foundation of Jesus and a good strong connection with each other that allows them to loosen up a bit and relax and just enjoy each other in a new and fun way. So I donât see using a toy as detrimental to the connection a couple can have.
And using a toy doesnât take away from the sexual intimacy either. Nothing replaces direct skin to skin contact. So again if Jesus and marriage vows are the foundation, they will crave each otherâs touch. But for a fun change or even as a practical use, something like a vibrator could be a good tool in the bedroom. What if theyâve both been at work all day and theyâre tired, but they still want to connect? Neither one of them has the energy to bring her to orgasm, so they get their vibrator and he uses it on her while holding each other close just to assist them since they are so tired. They are still connecting in the sense that they would never do that with another person. This is still something they only share with each other. And they are naked and close and holding each other through the whole process. Itâs still a way to connect. Itâs just helping them get over the hump of being so tired. Is it unhealthy to become solely dependant on the vibrator? Yes. But they arenât doing that here. And I would think a Christian sex toy party wouldnât push total dependence on the toys either. The point is to be a marital aid. Something to bring the couple together.
In Romans 8:14-15 Paul says that those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God and we have not received a spirit that makes us slaves to fear. So the idea is that we are to be led by the Spirit and not fear. Usually when something like this comes up, people react more out of fear than a careful, biblical âled by the Spiritâ kind of way. Whether itâs fear of the unknown or fear of sex or both, we are not to be led by fear. We are to be led to the Spirit. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (2 Cor 3:17) But more to the point there is also no fear. God has not given us a spirit of fear. (2 Tim 1:7) So we must be careful about simply reacting to issues like this out of fear just because itâs different or itâs something we wouldnât do or itâs something we have never thought about.
I feel an odd sense of conflict about this article and all the comments- I mostly agree with everybody! I agree with the (potential?) downsides to these parties, but also wish I had perhaps had an opportunity to go to one as a newlywed. Coming from an upbringing surrounded by sexually charged messages, and none of it Godly, I wish I had had some other women I could talk to – there were none. Christians didnt talk about sex, apparently. I was thrilled to finally “get to” have sex in a healthy context (not that I was promiscuous, just had a few profoundly bad experiences as a teenager), but I had absolutely zero context for what healthy was. Now, a party may not have answered all those questions, but just feeling like sex is ok to talk about would have been an improvement.
Now, on the subject of aids, I just wanted to say that I feel (and obviously I can’t speak for the entire gender đ ) that if you are in a God-honoring marriage and in a loving relationship with your Creator, I don’t see much risk of an “aid” becoming a “replacement.” After a depressingly sexually disappointing 3rd trimester with baby #1 (hormonal, weeping in the corner after every encounter, lol), my wonderful hubby suggested, when I got pregnant with #2, that we should get something so we could, um, reach certain places…when I couldn’t be in certain positions. đ Third trimester wasnt as miserable this time around! And I wholeheartedly agree with Amelie: “I never find the toys as satisfying as my hubby on his own”!
I like the one comment about a clean party. I like that it has boundaries and could totally be turned into a great ministry oppurtunity. I think sex is not talked about enough and we are often times left on our own. A whole sex bible study would be amazing and share products that also help in that department without compromising sexual integrity. Sexual problems are often what tears a marriage apart so it’s amazing that it’s not something we aren’t talking about more and studying more and offering support more. We shouldn’t have to seek out websites and books we should be able to take care of this in our church!
Great tips. What really hit me was your mentioning of the weaker brother. How true is this! We never know what someone else is struggling with. It very well is a slippery slope.
Well, ignoring the fact that most women can not achieve orgasm vaginally, and most women with circumcised husbands (read: “American women,” I realize Canada is different) will need lube for their ENTIRE sexual lives…
Your arguments about causing another person to struggle with these parties could also apply to parties that sell food, like Taste of Home or Pampered Chef, since so many North Americans struggle with gluttony.
Oh, I just want to point out that I have no problem with lube at all! In fact, I highly recommend it, and I’ll be putting up a post in a few weeks on why buying some lubrication is likely a good idea for many women.
If it were just about lubrication that would be one thing. But it’s not.
And actually, most women are able to achieve orgasm vaginally with intercourse–it just takes a few years of practice! But you’re right, still about 30% of women don’t, even after years of marriage, and that can be really difficult.
I’ve recently read that if the opening of the vagina and the glans of the clitoris are spaced an inch or more apart, it’s harder for a woman to climax vaginally. Mine is quite a lot more and I’ve never been able to do it. There is more than one way to orgasm during sex thankfully and it’s never bothered me or my husband. As I’m past menopause now, I won’t be ‘taking years of practise’ to try to achieve it. I’m more than happy to continue as I am. I consider myself blessed, some women never learn how to orgasm.
I am a Christian Director with the leading home sales company of this type. 60% of our product line is not toys. But I have seen toys help so many couples. I encourage an open mind to the toys. It is not just the physical aspect, but it all goes together. Lack of education, erectile dysfunction, dryness, and lack of desire are just of the few of the issues I cover in my presentation. Many couples need what I have to offer, but it is hard to get in the door because of misconceptions about companies like ours and thinking it is “unChristian”. Meanwhile they have nowhere to turn and they are in a deeply disappointing or even celibate marriage. My focus is working with Christian married ladies. I am happy many have been open to listening and I am sad that many aren’t.
I absolutely loved that line of “hot and holy”. I’m going to add it to my repertoire.
Thank you for this! I was recently invited to one by a woman in my small group. Only 2 of us our if the group were invited, which made me question myself…what have I said to make her think I would be interested. Biblically, I had a huge issue with this. I told her how I felt and she in turn told me that some of the pastor wives invited her to her first party. I now have a huge issue with this. Sex is created to be between male and female. Itâs created for husband and wife. Itâs a gift from God that feels absolutely amazing. These companies promote âself loveâ and the host on the invite even said âif your single and loving it.â Going to these parties can open a whole new dangerous world. A world I lived in for 9 years with a husband addicted to porn. I was the victim of this. God granted me another husband where our sex life is whole and pure and stays between us and not a room full of women.