Balance. It’s the buzzword of this generation.
In our hectic lives, everyone is searching for that elusive thing called “balance”, where we feel like we’re living out our priorities, we’re able to get the rest we need, but we’re still being purposeful.
What if the whole idea of finding balance is more like a millstone around your neck than it is a real thing to aim after, though?
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I’m Sheila, and I blog almost everyday here at To Love, Honor and Vacuum! I write posts normally about marriage (and sex!) but also about parenting, faith, organizing, and more. My big passion is to help WOMEN find passion–including passion in their marriages.
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Do you feel more like a maid than a wife and a mother? Are you married, but you’re wondering what all the fuss is about? Where is the spark, the connection, the passion you were supposed to feel?
That’s what I’m here for! I’ve been married for 26 years, and happily married for about 21. I know what loneliness in marriage feels like. I know what it is to feel “blah” and overwhelmed. But I didn’t stay that way!
And I also know that a lot of the tips we’re given to rejuvenate our marriages are more like “pat answers” that don’t work. Let’s go deeper. Let’s find that passion.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Balance is highly over-rated. Thank you for your comments! I agree whole heartedly. Further I think the “need” for balance is a luxury of the priveleged. Think of the many globally for whom balance is only a dream – they work two or three jobs to feed their family, they live in refugee camps living moment by moment always concerned for their health and safety and that of their family, they are in a war zone, they sleep on the street, they rely on the food bank…The fact that I get to seek balance at all is a rare privelege.
Love the work you do! You have been a blessings in my life!
I loved this post, I’ve been married for 6 weeks as of today and I am struggling with a lot things I don’t seem to get done. (dishes, make the bed, make my apartment spotless everyday) but we have a home cooked meal each night that my husband raves about, and a good communicating relationship because we spend quality time together each night instead of making everything perfect while he watches YouTube. I’m new at this and I’ll find my rhythm but right now my focus is where God has it and I’m happy.
You’ve been married for 6 weeks and have a good communicating relationship! That’s a huge accomplishment! Figuring out how to live together comes way before cleaning in my book. People over things, every time.
Heather, you and I are in very similar spots! I’ve been married a little over two months and am right now attempting to conquer the dishes–again. Slowly but surely everything is getting much more organized, but my day-to-day goal is to have dinner hot and ready when my husband gets home from work and to have at least a little more dishes/picking-up/decorating done than the day before. My evening time is completely free to spend time with him, and he values the companionship over having things spotless. And boy am I grateful for that 😉
Best wishes for your new marriage–it sure is an adventure, isn’t it?
Blessings,
Hannah
Another great post!! I attempted to knit last year because all my friends were doing it, and I couldn’t figure it out. Maybe knitting will speak to me one day. But you know what? My husband asked our cousin to teach him, and now he is the knitter in the family and finds it relaxing! One part of NOT having it all and not doing it all is outsourcing, and letting people use THEIR gifts. I’ve tired lately of the Lean-Iners, otherwise known as the “you can have it all AND do it all” proselytizers. No, you can’t. You can’t work full-time, clean your whole house, maintain all your friendships, spend time with your family and yourself, volunteer in your community and church, stay close to God, do your hobbies. . .I’m exhausted just writing it out. All we can do is do what we love, outsource the rest, and let everything else to be figured out by God or someone else.
YES!!
I realized at the end of the summer that I was way over committed. So I decided that anything I was asked to do before (Canadian ) thanksgiving was going to be an automatic “no” because I just didn’t have the energy. I said no to a few people, and to a few things which while I could have taken them on were not exciting to me.
Then, in the last week, I’ve been asked to do two things which I’m really looking forward to.
I think the “take-away” lesson from this is that it’s ok to say no even if I “have time”. It’s ok to want time for myself and for my kids, it’s ok to spend ages and ages on something (as long as everyone gets fed!) and it’s ok to be me.
Sigh. I like the idea of this post, but at the same time, it frustrates me. I feel like I’ve been called to be doing the schooling I’m doing now, but I feel a strong desire to be at home and working there, and volunteering with the immigrant community here. And I have my family and I seriously have never actually had a clue what my actual “passion” or calling is. There are lots of things that I *want* to do, but I’m honestly not sure which of them I *should* do. Ugh. Sorry for being so complainy. My washer broke this morning and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. (Something that complicates this — my husband has similar issues, so we spend a lot of time trying to figure out what the heck we are doing with ourselves.) Annnyway, any helpful thoughts would be great.
Everything that we do is a trade-off against other things that we could do. It’s okay to let some of those things go for a little while.
Thanks! I think this is a big part of my problem — I have a really hard time figuring out just what things are good to let go of, and which ones are good to hang on to.
Thanks for this post. I really needed to hear this today!
There are limits to how far this should be taken. Most people are not good at writing or driving when they try it for the first time. They are probably bad at keeping their financial affairs in order also, but the tax man will hold them accountable anyway.
I think we as a society have gotten away from what “balance” really is. It’s become like some super competitive thing or a badge of honor or something like that. Which is totally NOT what it is supposed to be. The way I find balance is different than the way others find balance. It’s important to know ourselves, to know what we love to do, to know what our limits are, and to know what recharges us. THAT is balance. Some people find being around others in a busy environment balancing. Others, like me, find frequent quiet solitude balancing. And it’s okay. Life would sure be boring if we were all the same. 🙂
The other day I was earnestly praying for “balance” when it hit me. I don’t want balance, I want to be crazily tilted towards Jesus! (think balance scale.) Not sure what that looks like in reality, and the dishes and laundry do have to get done. But He is one of my passions…. And maybe that’s what I am good at it. Who knows? I’m so critical of myself, but He is not. 😀
That’s beautiful, Ann!
Just wanted you to know that I am using this article as my starting point for goal planning for the new year. This helps me put things in perspective and prioritize what I should be spending time/effort on. I was also encouraged to read that spontaneity could be considered a strength; I’ve always looked at it as being easily distracted, lol. I’m gonna think about ways that I have been trying to fit a mold that is not me and how I can be me and still fulfill my responsibilities in the coming year. So thanks for a wise, thought-provoking article! 🙂