Are the Stay-at-Home Mom Blues inevitable?
I have always been a stay at home mom, but if you judge by the comments of many, I have the personality of a pea. If you’re a stay at home parent, you know what I mean. People constantly remark, “I don’t know how you do it. I would go stir crazy if I had to stay home with my kids.” I wonder if people who say that realize how insulting it can sound? The inference is that I am some sort of mutant sub-species that requires far less intellectual stimulation than normal, and can survive for days on end with the praise from Barney—”I love you, you love me”.
It’s time to challenge this notion that staying home with your kids is akin to a prison sentence with an awfully whiny jailer.
Certainly it can be tremendously difficult, draining and exhausting, especially since you usually walk around with banana mash on your jeans and spit up on your sweatshirt. But that’s not the whole story.
Many parents choose to work for a host of different reasons, and only you know what is right for your family. I know that for many, much as you may long to, staying home isn’t financially feasible. I don’t mean to leave you out of today’s post, but I do want to share with my readers who are at home how to make sure it doesn’t get overwhelming.
And so today, I’d like to share with you the Top 10 Ways to Beat the Stay at Home Mom Blues.
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1. Think Outings, not Hibernation
We go about stay at home parenting all wrong. We start by buying tons of equipment (ExerSaucers, swing sets, trampolines) to ensure that we never have to leave the house. But what happens if we’re home alone all the time? Our kids may go stir crazy and whine, cry and vomit. Then we cry. Probably we whine, too. And if we’re pregnant, we definitely vomit. So let’s take a step back and approach this stay at home thing differently.
Instead of spending all day cooped up with the kids, plan for a daily outing, if possible. When my kids were little, we went out every single day. We went to the library. We went to a playgroup. We walked to a nearby park. We went to the museum (it was free on Thursday mornings).
The benefit was that the kids had fun, but they were tired out, and then they would nap better for me later. And if we were out, I could focus completely on them, so when we got home, it was easier to get them to give me time to myself.
2. Enforce Quiet Time
We count the minutes until we can put a child down for a nap. We rejoice when more than one child manages to nap at the same time. Sometimes we even grab a nap, too, wondering how long it will last.
And then an older child stops napping, and it all falls apart.
When a 3-year-old stops napping, enforce quiet time. Have them stay in their room for half an hour with a book or a toy, and let this be “quiet play” time. That gives you some time to yourself, and helps them get some rest (and thus not get so whiny).
3. Get Adult Stimulation
We aren’t meant to do motherhood alone, and you need adult conversation. Take your kids to a playgroup, or organize one yourself. Join the local YMCA or another fitness club that offers baby-sitting. Best of all, join a women’s Bible study or a MOPS group. Just make sure you do something at least once a week that gets you talking with adults.
And talk to your hubby at night, too! Share the burden with him, don’t just retreat to a screen and hand the kids over to him because now it’s his turn to bond with baby. It’s tempting to want to just watch a movie or collapse at the end of the day, but do try to spend some time talking. You need that connection, and he does, too.
4. Start a Hobby
Adult stimulation isn’t all we need; we also need intellectual stimulation–something that gives our brain a creative outlet. Did you love knitting when you were a child? Start knitting again, even if it’s only at night when the kids can’t get to the yarn. Start crocheting. Start painting. You don’t have to do it all the time, but if you have a hobby to research and plan and dream about, it helps.
5. Learn Something
And now it’s time to grow! Learning keeps life fresh. So pick a topic this year that you want to master. Maybe it’s more in-depth Bible knowledge (Kay Arthur or Beth Moore studies are great for that). Maybe it’s nutrition. Maybe it’s cooking. Maybe it’s investing. Maybe it’s politics. Maybe it’s building a blog! Choose something that you’ve always wanted to know more about, and jump in! Research on the computer, start with small projects, and try. You can do it in 20 minute spurts while children play, or take an hour on the weekend that’s “your time”. One new blogger I know goes to Starbucks every Saturday morning while her husband watches the kids.
It’s time to challenge this notion that staying home with your kids is akin to a prison sentence with an awfully whiny jailer.
6. Give Yourself a Sense of Accomplishment
At work we get praise for finishing something. At home we get whines and piles of laundry that never get folded. If you want to feel like you’ve accomplished something, volunteer. Meet your neighbours and see if you can lend a hand to some older people or other struggling parents. Invite people over for coffee. They won’t mind the mess nearly as much as you think they will! And the more connection you have with your community, the more you’ll realize the difference you can make in people’s lives.
7. Get Organized
I love schedules, and kids thrive on schedules, but I always found that as soon as I figured out a schedule that worked, the kids would change it again. Their sleep patterns would change, or their eating patterns would change, and it was all up in the air again. I know that this is difficult. But as much as possible, create a schedule for your week. Know when you will go where. Go grocery shopping the same day each week. Go to the library on the same day. Try to keep naptime to the same time. When kids know what to expect, and you know what to expect, there’s far less whining.
8. Clean Everyday
Don’t let the house get out of control, because that’s just depressing. I remember visiting a friend’s home when my kids were 2 and 5 and being amazed at how clean it was. She had kids the same age as mine, but her home was spotless. Then I realized that the kids were in day care from 7-5, and the parents didn’t spend much time at home, either. When you’re all home, all the time, the house has time to get messy.
Take 15 minutes before each meal and do a quick tidy. Set the timer and have “clean up time”. If everyone cleans three times a day, you’ll find that you stay on top of it better.
9. Have Something Special You Do with the Kids
Nobody likes kids pulling at you or whining at you all day, but often that whining is caused by two things: loneliness and boredom. The boredom can be cured by daily outings. The loneliness needs some focused Mommy time. For me and my kids that meant reading. We spent hours cuddled up in someone’s bed reading books. That helped them feel the physical connection (they were touching me); it helped them rest (it was quieter time); and it helped give them security (I spent time with them). Then they would go and play together and I could have some time to myself. To expect a child to entertain themselves all day, though, is unrealistic. Plus you miss out on the bonus of staying at home–that amazing bonding time!
10. Do Something Wild and Crazy
Every now and then, do something completely out of the ordinary. I’m all for schedules and naptimes and all that, but some days, I’d wake up and say, “who wants to go to the zoo?” Who cares if it’s a one and a half hour drive, and we’d only be able to spend three hours there? It would be memorable! Or we’d head to the beach. You have freedom as a stay at home mom; use it. Create those memories and laugh with your kids, and you’ll find the busier days easier to bear.
I do not have the personality of a pea. I’d say it’s more like a bunch of grapes (the seedless kind), with many different things in my life that are all interconnected. It was, and is, such a privilege to stay at home and watch my children grow. They are my reward. But I could not have survived without acknowledging that though I love being a mommy best, I am more than that. Plan for success when you stay at home. Don’t settle for exhaustion. Your life will be richer for it.
Like this post so far? You should also check out:
Tell me: what’s your biggest source of stress as a stay at home mom? What do you do to relieve the stay at home mom blues? Let me know in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
YES! I have been a stay at home mom for 12 years now and I have done each of these in different seasons. I found a hobby in blogging and relating online with other mamas. I felt lonely, so this introverted self, with God’s help invited people over into my home. Don’t think you’re alone, there are other mamas in the trenches hoping someone will reach out them. Take the first step.
Right now my outlet is a home business and I love it! God has used it to grow me personally, give me adult interaction, and way to earn a little income on the side to help pay down our debt. I will never be the top of my business, because that is not my goal, but it is a nice thing to do on the side of my SAHM gig.
Hi, Paula can you share what is your home business please? I’m interested. I’m a stay at home mommy too of 2 and 4 years old
Hey! I really enjoyed this and found it helpful. I actually am a grad student and work part time as a TA, but many of these things still seem like they would apply/be good ideas. My one question is if you have good ideas for getting into a routine when I’m home with my boy for just half of the week, and have research plus housework to focus on. I’d really like to dig in to my time at home, but it’s hard for me to figure out how to do that with so many different things to focus on. Thanks again!
Good question, and hopefully other people will chime in with some ideas, too! Honestly, I’d focus on ONE activity that you can do with your son everyday that’s really special, like spending time reading books, or spending time playing at something, or whatever it may be that works for you guys. Do that first, and pencil that in first, because that’s your first priority. And when you do spend that one-on-one time first, it’s easier to do the housework because he’s more likely to leave you alone a bit.
And then I’d say schedule, schedule, schedule, and stick to the schedule! It sounds really regimented and boring, but I do think that if we try to get the important stuff done in the day, we will have more time to play later!
Thanks so much, Sheila!
I second the need for a schedule in that situation.
Make sure your son’s meals are at about the same times every day, whether he’s with you or not. Having regular meal times reduced the number of tantrums in this house so much!!
Have a set pattern to the week, so he knows what to expect. Even a 3-4 year old can get the hang of “on Monday we do this, on Tuesday we do that.”
Also, include the kid in the housework. Cleaning with a child helping DOES take longer than doing it alone. But it takes less time than cleaning up the mess he makes while you’re in another room vacuuming. 🙂
And making the child stuff happen first is huge. Once my kids have had a long story session on the sofa, they’re ready to play on their own for a bit and I can get things done without whiny Cling-ons.
Sometimes I used a timer with my kids – setting it for 20 minutes and telling them I wanted them to play with each other until the timer rang and then we would do something together (keeps me disciplined too!)
I love these tips, Sheila. The main thing I do when I start feeling “stuck” is create a change of atmosphere. If we’re home, I go out. Head to the mall to walk around or go out for ice cream or something. I also think it’s crucial to find your identity in the Lord. Otherwise, it’s so easy to let your feelings convince you that you are alone or that you don’t matter or whatever lie it is that satan wants you to believe.
Thank you
This is great!! Plan on sharing it with friends. Been home with my kids for 17 years, also homeschooling. #9. Was one that God showed me and it was very freeing. Paula what is your home business??
This is encouraging to read. Im a new sahm and have gotten some backlash. Even a guy at my husband’s work told him that i should go out and get a job so i can be a productive member of society
What a jerk. I hope your husband defended you. If you got a paying job, your baby would be in daycare. Watched by an employee. So that employee is a productive member of society because she is watching your child for a paycheck, but you’re not because your watching your own child for no pay? people like that are just disgusting. I hope you’re happy doing what ever you’re doing now since you posted this.
On a rare occasion I went out for drinks with my sister, her boyfriend and my husband this guy came up to us and started chatting. He laughed in my face when I said I’m a stay at home mom and then said “lucky you” and walked off. It made me so sad that it ruined my whole night out. People will never understand the struggles we moms go through. We must all stick together!
To be honest . This thought fell so heavy on me today . ” what happened ? I used to be so cheerful , I used to be happy . This is what I’ve wanted all my life to be able to stay home with my kids , homeschool, be a house wife . ” yet I’m so stressed out all the time angry at everything . Rolling my eyes at every request for more juice , or another snack . She can’t get it herself I know that . That’s my job. Yet I’m not happy . This came on the perfect day . God’s timing . I actually start a women’s bible study tomorrow morning . I think I’m lonely .yes my husband comes home every night . But by then I’ve met my word quota . I’m done in . I think we’ll try and get out more . Just what I need . Thank you for sharing . I felt bad I was the only one .
You took all these words right out of my mouth (or these thoughts out of my head). I just can’t seem to smoothly get back into homeschooling, cleaning, music lessons, driving around, etc. routine… I snap at everything and even if I keep it to myself, I still snap inside. I registered for a local BSF class, but worried it will take time away from what needs to be done at home. I’m feeling like I’m always at least 2 weeks behind on all my housework. Having a hobby seems almost frivolous to me right now!
Those are all great tips! I’ll go start applying some, starting with my homeschooler who went to use a bathroom, but is probably playing with his leggos instead…
You def aren’t the only one. I feel that way too… a LOT and Im thinking it could even be depression as I am a very anxious person by nature. What you described is totally me, I have lost that spunk I used to have…..working on getting it back but it’s hard when both my husband and I own our own businesses…Yikes!
Oh man, I also felt alone. 6 months ago I quit my full time job to stay home with my 2 boys under 3 and little by little I have become a sad, and angry person. I feel un-appreciated and resentful. There are days I snap at my kids for everything or I scream at them and then I feel horrible about it. Today, my husband told me that I complain about everything and it just make me want to cry. I guess, this transition is taking a toll of me but I will definitely try everything in the article.
I’m glad, Gabriela! Really, just focus on 1 or 2 things to do first. Don’t try all 10. Pick one or two that you think will start making an immediate difference. And then build up. Because you do have the power to control the kind of person you want to be.
That’s exactly what I’m feeling right now. 🙁
Great article. I was home for six years and worked part time at night. I hated when people would make the comment that staying home was boring. It was so insulting. Even now that I am back to work full time I try to be supportive when people stay home. It is really hard and deserves a lot of respect. These are great tips.
Sheila, such good advice! We’re all different, however, and trying to get out of the house andgo somewhere every day would have ADDED to my stress. For me it was helpful to “clump” my errands and outings into a couple days a week and stay home the other days. However, I think I remember you saying that you lived in an apartment when your girls were little, while we had a big yard with play equipment, and that might be the difference right there.
At least get outside every day if you can! I can only speak for boys, but I think they expand to fill the space, and getting them outside, even just for a little while, released some wonderful energy and activity 😀
And AMEN to all your other ideas!
Julie
Oh, I agree, getting out every day only adds to my stress! I rejoice when I have a day at home! lol
Great encouraging post, though Sheila! Thanks! x
I think it depends on how many children you have and how old they are in the “get out every day” business. I have 4 closely spaced babies, and the schedule requires a lot of home time because of naps etc. I don’t have the physical stamina to leave all the time, in fact staying here is what I need. Getting out sounds great in theory, but in practice it wipes me out a whole lot more. . . which is sad because I used to have a lot of energy, but right now it’s survival mode.
I would agree with this. I have 5 kids in a 7-year spread, and leaving the house is not an option. However, when I had 3 or fewer, we did just what Sheila said and left all the time! It was great. And nowadays you can’t send your 7yo out to ride bikes or something like I did growing up.
Overall I think this is a FAB. U. LOUS. list!! I’ve been a SAHM for almost 8 years now and I agree whole-heatedly with all of these.
One suggestion I would make for those who would like to get out but just can’t bear to get all the kids dressed, cleaned up, etc., try going for a country drive! Get a Sonic drink, borrow an audio book from the library, and drive for an hour or so! Yes, it will cost you some gas money, but it’s worth your sanity! 🙂 My kids have all listened to the Narnia books and Laura Ingalls Wilder books more times than I can count!
Thanks for this, Sheila!
I thought this post was great, practical and simple tips! It is easy to not take the time to get out and implement a schedule – letting your day run you most days. Thank you for the ideas and motivation to get a better handle of my days 🙂
I know my comment is several days late. My stay-at-home-mom days were too full to keep up with my blog reading! Another thought to throw into the mix…
In the world of philosophers who deal in ‘civic friendship’ and ethics, they talk about productive labor and reproductive labor. A SAHM is majoring in reproductive labor. This is labor focused on producing relationships that will facilitate civic friendships in society. Think: social conduct, getting along with others, being considerate of others. Civic friendship is the word that encompasses all the ways we get along and take care of each other when we don’t actually know each other, but live in the same basic society. (Productive labor is labor that produces something, whether physical, service-oriented or ideas).
If a stay-at-home-parent can keep this in mind, that they are working in reproductive labor, it sure does help. When you have the kind of day that NOTHING gets done, you can say “I’ve done lots of reproductive labor today.” (taking care of sick cranky kids is reproductive labor!) When the working parent says “what did you do all day?” You can answer, with total honestly “it was all reproductive labor, babe.”
And, we as a society, need to change our view of these things. We tend to think that only labor that produces something is worth pursuing. but somebody has to do it. Its all about who does it.
That’s beautiful, Rachael! “Got tons of reproductive labor done today.” I love it!
I love this. I will practice them, with God’s help. More grace to you.
Great list ! Because I’m nursing, my daughter is almost constantly attached to me, but even going for a walk or small errand every day has helped keep me sane. I also work to meet up with people regularly.
I really can’t stress enough the importance of getting out of the house everyday. I absolutely know that it can be a challenge when you have young kids (especially a whole bunch of them!), but I find that going out calms everything and makes the day more interesting. Often kids become whiny when they’re bored; just going out for a 20 minute walk even can help that.
Even today, my 17-year-old and I start the day with a walk. When we’re having difficulty working or concentrating on school, we go for a walk.
So I TOTALLY get what you’re saying, and I’d encourage other exhausted moms to try it. I know it feels like you’re adding something else to the to-do list, but it really makes the rest of the day go much more smoothly, if you can manage it (and I know not all can!)
Another way to get adult stimulation is to listen to podcasts. There are lots of great ones out there. I love Inspired to Action, a mom’s podcast. I also love Michael Hyatt’s productivity podcast. They can be very stimulating and give you lots to talk to your husband about, and they make you feel like you are still growing as an adult.
One more thing, I would say that I take all pressure off myself to have some ideal quiet time, but instead just recognize that my goal with God is simply to spend time with Him every day. That might mean putting on praise music and taking the kids for a drive, or it might mean meditating on one verse of a Psalm, or it might mean simply being still and quiet for just a moment to calm my heart before Him. But this is not the time of life to have high expectations there. God is with you in The little in between moments also. Give your self Grace, because He certainly is.
Yes, yes, yes! So much of this is what it has taken me two years to figure out, and I agree! The BEST thing for me was when my daughter was old enough to take advantage of the child care at the community gym (have to be at least one year old). Free to members and the woman who watches the children in the mornings is amazing with toddlers and pre-schoolers. Plus I have met other moms because we are all there at the same time taking advantage of the wonderful morning child care. Play dates and lunches at places with play spaces are organized while we work out. Priceless!
I absolutely hate being stay at home mom, always have always will. Out of the top 10 things that I wanted to do with my life staying at home wasn’t even at the bottom. I don’t know how anyone could find joy or contentment being at home with two or three or four little kids that just make messes and disobey all day long. No consideration, no appreciation, total exhaustion and total isolation. Attempting to try an outing is more stress than it’s worth and it only messes up with their nap time. They sleep in the car for 5 minutes and then are awake the rest of the day grumpy and whiny. I have no more friends, I never go out, I never do anything and my world is small and lonely. In addition to counting down the minutes to nap time I count down the days to when all of the kids are in school. I worked too hard and overcame too many challenges to finish my college degree and I am NOT even using it. As my mother puts it, I could have done great things but then I chose to become a mom and stay at home. The sad part is I didn’t choose to stay at home I am stuck at home because childcare is too expensive. I love my kids but I absolutely hate staying home everyday.
how old are your kids?
2, 3.5, 7.5. Don’t say it’s a ‘phase’ or a ‘season’. By the time they are older, I’ll be too washed up to start anything new with my life. I’m missing my chance at anything.
Carissa, I’m really sorry you’re so frustrated. But can I ask–have you tried any of the things in this article? I find that when we’re deliberate about enjoying our kids, they tend to become enjoyable. If you’re always being reactive–reacting to the messes, reacting to the crying–rather than proactive–planning fun things to do, cuddling with them, etc.,–life does become pretty miserable. If you’ve told yourself that motherhood is miserable, you’re likely not trying some of the things here that could make it much more enjoyable for you. And then your kids pick up on that, and act out, and it becomes a vicious cycle. I’ve raised little ones, and honestly, it was fun because we made it fun. And I’m not naturally a kid person. I would NEVER baby-sit another person’s kids. My kids were the only ones I ever really liked, because I made sure they behaved so that they would be likeable, and I made sure we spent time together. If you’re just unhappy, your kids will be too, and motherhood will be so stressful. But it doesn’t have to be that way. It comes from a change in attitude. What about picking just two things of the 10 mentioned here and giving them your all–really trying them for a few weeks? Throw yourself into them? And see if that helps change your attitude and your experience?
I have tried practically all of the things listed above. Outings are extremely stressful. That means getting myself ready too. Shower? Who has time to shower? While I try and get dressed, the boys take advantage and destroy the house, toys everywhere. There are not a whole lot of places to go. We have no friends here (moved from CA to TX over a year ago and know no one) or family.The few times I have taken the boys out, they fall asleep in the car- enough of a power nap to spend the rest of the day awake and extremely grumpy. Oh, and there’s the mess to come home to as well from when we were trying to get ready to leave the house. =/ I’ve attended a couple play dates but adult conversation didn’t happen since the time is spent keeping the youngest from running off or climbing on something he wasn’t supposed to.
I can play trucks with my son until the cows come home and it’ll never be enough. “Sweetie, mommy needs to eat now.” “Noooooooo! Don’t eat! You don’t have to!” -_-
I crochet, yes, but as an outlet for my anxiety. Any hobbies I attempt can only be done at night after the kids are finally in bed. However by that time I’m too darn tired to stay up and focus on anything. I lay in bed and stare at the ceiling until I knock out. “Me” time does not exist. Our 7 year old plagues us with behavior problems at home and at school. The boys are like the cartoon of Taz in twin form. I can’t do it all. So I shut down. I can’t live like this. Oh how I wish anti-anxiety meds were OTC!
It’s not as easy as a change of attitude. If it were, it would have happened a long time ago.I am losing myself and becoming disconnected. My home has become a trap.
Clarissa, is it possible you may have untreated Postpartum anxiety? I suffer from it and I hear a lot of similar things in your posts. If you do, it can get better. I promise. I’m on meds that saved me and have made it possible for me to enjoy my kids again.
I was a very career minded person and stepping away from that was incredibly hard but that wasn’t the cause of my anxiety and depression. I also have a 9 yr old with multiple disorders that caused countless anxiety attacks and at times fury. That kid knows all my buttons.
The meds and therapy changed everything. Please think about it. There is help and there is relief.
Meds are not in the budget, and now that I’m pregnant (again), I can’t take anything. Women truly get the short end of the stick. “Wifely duties” leave me stuck at home. Every time I try to get involved in something, I get pregnant, even with preventative measures. I’m expecting #4 and the though of starting over again with a baby feels so hopeless! I know you all mean well, but my life, as long as I’m married, is a prison.
Carissa, for the sake of your children you need to get help. If things are as bad as you say then find a free counseling center near your home and talk to someone. You only have one life and you can choose to rant and rave about how awful it is…or you can embrace it and find happiness in it.
I read this article because I was feeling really down today. But you know what, reading your comments made me realize how foolish I am to be stomping my foot and complaining how miserable I am. I have a three year old, two year old and 5 month old. I have no friends or family close. I often feel alone especially when I am sick of need a break and have no one to call. But life is hard and we can be full of self pity and make our family miserable or we can find some self respect. Embrace the job God has given us as mothers and do it the best we can. This is the most important job in the world. We are raising human beings! No other job can boast that… And yes often we stink at it and it kicks are butt but maybe instead of complaing we need to stop and just thank God for our blessings. If we can’t do that then yes our life is over and we will die a sad death.
I know I’m months late on this post but, I live in Texas as well and some days I feel the exact same way. What part of Texas did you move to? I’m not really a kid person either, my parents always ask why I had three kids if I don’t even like kids I general. Well I like my kids, it’s more other people’s kids I can’t stand (because I didn’t birth them I’m guessing lol)
Carissa, I’ve been feeling a little down lately and wandered onto this blog. I’m glad I did because it definitely sounds like you would benefit from medicine and/or therapy. I was once in the same place: completely miserable and in survival mode. I know you say that you can’t take meds because you are pregnant, but I attend a post partum support group for post-partum depression. There are several women in my group who, together with their doctors, decided to stay on meds during their second (or third or fourth) pregnancies. Sometimes your mental health and the health of your baby can be managed simultaneously. I know medicines can be expensive, but your mental health and the health and happiness of your family have to come first. With insurance, the cost of generic prescriptions can be as inexpensive as a gallon of milk. I hope you are able to reach out and find help. For me, that changed everything.
I love this!!! It is so true. It is easy to get kind of down and geenrally dumpy when you stay at home all the time. I recently started blogging about mommy stuff, budgets, etc. I have found having the blog (even though I think only get like 6 views lol) has helped me engage my brain in something other than diapers.
Feel free to check out my new little hobby (i.e. blog) at http://www.sprinklesofpeace.wordpress.com
God-ordained moment to come across this blog today as I am going through a more challenging season. Good reminders to make “base hits” (keep to schedule, fellowship, and manage expectations). Helped pull me out of a bit of a ‘funk’ today. Thank you for being obedient to God and this blog post… months later its still speaking to us SAHMs
The list is wonderful but would add as #1 put God first in your life and the rest will fall into place. I AM VERY BLESSED TO BE A STAY AT HOME MOM. My kids are 10, 7, 4, 3, 2, 1. When we take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on Our Lord everything works in our favor. Yes, my house may be upside down a majority of the time but it’s my children’s hearts that I am responsible for. And with God we can do anything. The mess does not compare to the uncountable kisses and hugs and unconditional love that my kids have for me.
Amen!
I wouldn’t be insulted. I found this because I’m just not coping being at home 24/7 with baby. I feel mentally messed up. I will take your tips on board.
We get out almost everyday and go to a nearby park, but I’m still bored a lot and the kids are bored of the same park all the time. I don’t have a license, so I can’t drive, and our town doesn’t have a gym or a library. My husband is a trucker so he’s not home every night, and I have no friends or family, so needless to say I feel very lonely most of the time. I do some of these tips, just wish I could drive, so we’d have more options. I have been brainstorming how to get my license without spending a fortune for my driving lessons and paying for a sitter. One of my biggest regrets I’ve ever had is not getting my license right away when I left the Amish lifestyle.
Great article. The only part I disagree with is what you interpret working moms are telling you when they say “I couldnt do it”. When I say that to my stay at home mom friends Im actually calling them a superwoman because being with your kids every day is 10 times harder than having a job! You guys have the hardest job! Its a complement 🙂 rock on mommas!!
Carissa, I’m so sorry it’s been hard for you. I’ve felt similar to what your describing. I honestly was so depressed due to many miscarriages, moving from USA to Aus and hubby being unemployed. My iron was dangerously low and then I got skin cancer and many following surgeries!!! Plus moving is a grief and a huge transition. I would say be kind to yourself. Plus I want to add something I’ve learned.. It’s OK to ask for help mum’s. I’ve had awesome christian counseling. I’ve even got a baby sitter. Because it’s OK to have a break. It really is. I think it’s dangerous to get to the point of extreme depression and anxiety and ignore it. I remember wishing I’d trip over a kids toy, get knocked unconscious just to get a break from it all. I’m applying much of these above ideas now but only as in I’m a much healthier place. Im Homeschooling yet I want to remember not to neglect my own emotional, physical, spiritual health. I love staying at home with my 5 and 7 year old but I constantly work at taking care of me too. Plus it’s always OK to ask for help. Praying for you Carissa. Your not alone. There is a good book called desperate. That might help if you have time. Sending much love. I know it was a risk to share what you did. Thanks for your ask open honesty. Bless you mum’s!
That’s great that you found a babysitter! We cannot afford one, and we don’t know anyone here I trust enough to watch our kids in our home. I actually have the book you are referring to. I read it in depth, but reading a book does not change the situation at hand. I have lost hope that God has anything planned for me other than being stuck at home and never having any of the desires of my heart. My husband isn’t supportive of any changes because to him, housework is priority over our own well being. He is very critical and this leaves me trapped in my position.
Hi Carissa
Just a word of encouragement. My mom has 9 kids, she was a sahm past baby # 5, for years she didn’t think she would be able to do anything other than house work, b/c there were so many responsibilities at home. Fast forward to today, she owns her own business and is successful. Once the kids are in shool, all of them, life will be so much easier! Hang in there! Btw, if the hubby complains about the house, tell him he can start pitching in. Say thank you for noticing, would you please vacuum or wash dishes? I have told my hubby before to be kind or don’t comment at all. Good luck dear!
Carissa
I stumbled across this having the same situation and constant feeling of hopelessness. I get it! You can try emplamenting a schedule but if your spouse and no one else follows suite it’s pointless. Causing even more anxiety. Then you have them telling you what you should do or shouldn’t have done. No one wants to help figure out a long term solution they just make you feel resentful and even more isolated. I would love to know how your doing!
Hi!
I know this is an old post, but I was looking for ways to deal with being a saty at home mom in a new place and found this.
I love these tips. Truthfully, it CAN be harder to go out with young kids if you live in the country, away from much and/or you’re trying to do something BIG each day. But I agree with you, it can be as simple as a walk to get them out.
Here are my tips:
1. Shower before your husband leaves for work. Every day. Even if nothing is planned. That way, the kids won’t get into things and you are prepared for whatever.
2. CRAFTS! Ideally, outside crafts and hobbies. In the spring, plant flowers. In summer, draw with chalk. In fall, rake leaves. In winter, blow bubbles and watch them freeze. Outside time is wonderful for getting kids to behave.
3. Consistent discipline. I know there’s a movement that says your kids should have no negative consequences. Perhaps that works for some. Not for mine.
4. Take Saturdays or Sundays off. This won’t work for everyone, but either Saturdays or Sundays, my husband takes over. It gives them time with dad and time for me to either catch up on cleaning or just get out of the house.
5. Don’t stress about your house. Seriously. Who cares if all of the laundry is done or if there are toys on the bedroom floor? My rule is the bathroom, kitchen, and living room must stay relatively clean. All other rooms are optional. I make the kids clean their bedroom andbplayroom. It’s not perfect, but they are learning responsibility. They put their own dishes in the dishwasher. They put their own clothes away. Granted, a two year old’s idea of “folding” is not the same as mine, but I have learned not to care.
Anyway… those are my thoughts. 🙂
GREAT thoughts, Jenny! Thanks so much for joining the discussion. And I totally agree with you about the crafts, too! Knitting keeps me sane.
Oh yeab- and stay off the internet during the day. Save that for night time or weekends! (My husband is off today. So I’m not being COMPLETELY hypocritical!)
I am expecting 12 weeks pregnant… I was a working woman before marriage but now I am a complete stay at home for some reasons. I have tried to indulge into reading cooking but everything seems boring after a while. I’m a person who used to love something new happening each day into my life now I feel useless. Please help.
Hello,
I am in about the same position, but am expecting a second baby. I don’t know if you plan on being a SAHM or not, but for me I took time off with my first child, then went back to work and now I am staying at home while waiting for our second and afterwards. It helps to think that I would go back to work at some time (hopefully no pressure) nd makes me treasure the time I have now more (especially till the Bab is born). I don’t know what your hobbies are, but you can arrange so something new happens every day now too. Just remember you are not useless! My advice is use the time to improve some skills or do things you’ve wanted but never had the time for, and be sure that for the little one coming you will be the most successful being! Have faith and good luck!
Thanks for this. Great timing!
I just had a meltdown. Its one of these days I go crazy staying at home in a apartment and can’t go outside because of the heat of the middle east desert. Its been like two years Im locked at home with a seventh month old boy and last year as a pregnant woman. I told my husband that I’ve never heard of anything like what happened to me literally years of being inside four corners of an apartment. I used to fly at least three times a day to different countries and meet different nationalities. I resigned when I got married. Finacially we are just break even with no savings. It’s been a long time since I worked and it feels scary. I want out of this country asap! To at least have a normal life and see people. Once a week to church confined to the mother’s room not even hearing the Pastor preach is totally draining. I have a ladies group but we met only twice in months. Oh please help.. Pray for me please. Being s stay st home mom is my dream but now I don’t know. I just want outta this country asap!
Working is not as glamorous as people make it out to be. Even though I am female and hold two degrees and I am secondary trained teacher I have spend over 5 years working as a substitute teacher and some longer term night teaching. I have faced discrimination because I am a female secondary trained teacher. In fact a guy with less experience and less education is more likely to get a contract, or longer temporary contract teaching position(sick leave/ matt leave coverage) then a female secondary trained teacher is. I have also seen how after school/day homes/ day care centres/nannies operate both in Canada and US. And to be honest I wouldn’t leave my child in after school care and I certainly wouldn’t expect my mother, father or future in-laws to retire early to raise my child nor to care for my child full time during retirement. I wouldn’t pay $2000 a month to hire a live in nanny or full time nanny either- it makes no financial sense and it is not healthy to have a stranger live or stay at your house daily and raise your child for you, it is disgusting and appalling that some people in this world pay others to raise their children for them even wealthy individuals who have no reason to work. It breaks my heart to see how 2 successful career parents don’t even know or understand their children and how some single/divorced mom’s/dad’s go from one dating live in partner to another- yet they don’t even know their children and I see the effect neglect/ 2 full time working parents/single parents who put their dating life ahead of children has on children- children who are neglected are more likely to suffer from learning disabilities/difficulties, have more behavioural issues, copy/befriend negative influences, more likely to smoke, try drugs and alcohol, and are more likely to be abused and sexually active at a younger age compared to other children. All I can say this now that I am over 30, I want to get married and have a child and be at home, because I am sorry a nanny, day care, day home, kids in the neighborhood, family friends and extended relatives are not substitutes for MOM OR DAD. People can afford to live on 1 income, it is just people have too many things they don’t need and take on too much debt then they can handle in both Canadian and American households and many North Americans waste their savings/money on buying ready made goods for example, going to dunken donuts/tim hortons/starbucks in the morning versus making your own coffee/tea and breakfast at home. It only takes a minute to make your own tea or instant coffee and I can attest to the fact that muffins bought at tim hortons taste the same as those bought for half the price at Costco or Walmart and do not taste as good as those you bake yourself. As well, some parents put more emphasis on connecting with people they haven’t seen in years or following their friends/neighbours on Social Media versus spending quality time with their kids. There is also an obsession with shopping and getting the latest gadgets in our society. American thanksgiving is coming up and more Americans and now becoming popular in Canada, so more Americans and Canadians will spend more time in stores, online shopping then actually spending quality time with loved ones during Holidays. I also disagree with how certain Politicians diss women who stay at home and want taxpayers money to cover universal childcare system, which I completely disagree with.SAD SAD SAD!!!!
Working outside the home doesn’t always mean a full time career, and having someone care for your kids for a time didn’t mean they are RAISING them.
Wow.. Different people have different circumstances so that wouldn’t refer not everyone but I understand and respect your view no one feel bad about this statement though because I felt a little preached. Practice what you preach and also it’s not advice for everybody respect your view though.
Thank you for this article! I’m a SAHM to a 16-month-old and 3 months pregnant with my next baby. I’ve been a SAHM for 8 months and I’m already going a bit stir crazy. I just got my drivers license and my son was my motivation for that. I never got one but moving to the suburbs has necessitated it. Now I just need a car but I’m not sure if we could afford it! Nevertheless, I’m feeling down in the dumps lately because I can’t get out of the house while my husband is at work and this article gave me a kick in the behind to change how I’ve been doing things. All I can say is that being a SAHM can be very lonely but being in the work force has its downsides too though we tend to forget them when we’re at home with our kids all day. I chose to be a SAHM to be with my son and also because we couldn’t afford childcare on my earnings and my life is less stressful than before although more boring. I guess that’s the trade off. I long to be the happy woman that I used to be prior to my son being born. I don’t think I could ever get that same person back but I’ll try my hardest to become the happiest SAHM I could be. Thank you for this inspiring article. I feel less alone after reading it.
That’s awesome, Eva! I’m glad.
Great Eva
I have been a stay at home mum for 11 years now my sons in high school and I have all day alone I got used to it being alone I’ve not had a intelligent conversation with a human being about actual life and anything I’m interested in for over two years my partner works a lot till late we need him to bills ect so it’s to sofa bed and I’ll say exercise and that’s it no conversation because it’s like he can’t be bothered he’s to tired or I am plus I don’t want to talk to him about my interests well he’s busy and forget about that. I am thinking for joining the local learning centre now and part time work coming up in my local cafe is a definite but I just can’t find myself to get ready my life’s passed me by so fast I’m only 32 but I’ve not much moved from the home I used to do with my son but now he’s at school I sit and watch tv and there is no point to go out as what do I do alone and everyone here is the same I live in a small village so not many women about and I don’t no anyone because moved here two years ago I don’t want any medication it’s just I think I’ve lost all motive it’s depressing I spend a lot online for nothing as I don’t go anywhere not even on weekends my partner must do his dog thinking about it he doesn’t do much to help it he just supply’s me with money to spend online and his quality is then sitting in at home with us and doing his dog because he’s been working all week and if I bring anything up he’s not interested I don’t think we would enjoy anything we would do together because I don’t no it doesn’t excite me and he’s not willing to try I used to be so bubbly and happy and excitable and playfull now all that’s gone and I don’t no how to act anymore I don’t no who I am or what I act like as I sit on my own in silence an clean time goes so fast once if gone over a already spotless house if I don’t it just seems to get a lot of mess easy?? Any tips for me for getting out and getting ready in the morning to get out I can get ready then I’ll sit down and not move I walk my dog and stuff but I do nothing to have intelegent bonds with anyone I have no one to get ready for or to look forward to meeting and talking to and I can’t take it anymore, this is the most I’ve ever said on here in two years maybe this is not what this is for and it doesn’t make spence as I’m writing in speed. Any advice for me plz? And thank you so much if you read what I know is possibly going to be long thank you x
Get a job. Go back to school. Volunteer somewhere.
You aren’t tied down at home during the day now, so why stay there? You have the free time so get out and do something! There are so many things to get involved in!
Maybe being a sahm would be better if my husband didn’t tell me at the end of the day that I didn’t do anything all day!
Is being a sahm enough to plead insanity in court for when I actually lose my patience and react to his favorite question, !
Way to go mommies. I had no idea that this would be the hardest challenge I’d ever face
Amen to that! Makes me wonder why the heck we married the men that we did in the first place. A life full of criticism is not worth it.
Hey Carissa I am a stay home mom of a 4 month old???? Just found your posts interesting and I think you said you live inTexas now I am in Dallas also new to the area but have pushed myself to go out this past month because I was feeling isolated I hope things are better for you please keep us updated
Carissa, have things gotten any better over the last few months? I am sending loving vibes in your direction. I hope you have found some other moms in your area to connect with. So many of us our lonely and just looking to find each other.
I have a 10 month old and today feel at the end of my sanity rope. Nothing particular has even happened. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for over 15 years and somedays it is all just so hard. I want to be better at being a sahm, i want to enjoy it and i so set out each morning with intention and we go at least to the park everyday and we live in the city and are so lucky to interact with random people but by the evening i just want to curl up and sob. I feel so drained and hopeless.
I am going to try and be better at the things on this list and just keep moving forward because if I don’t then I won’t make it.
Carissa, I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like you’re being. criticized a lot and sahm or not no one deserves to be in a relationship like that. You are putting forth you’re life for the most noble cause. In the meantime there may not be many options but you still need to plan for the future maybe that is what will see you through. I hate to say it but maybe the kiddos aren’t the real issue it sounds like someone else in your life might be. The behavioral issues that your child is exhibiting could just be a reflection of the stress at home. Please get help for your sake and that of the kids. Constant criticism is NOT acceptable. My best to you.
I am a stay home of a five year old four year old and two year old! The challenges I find daily is working on the schedule of three individuals all who chose to eat and sleep different times. I also have one that just started school and another in kindergarten now I feel I’m driving all day!
Hey, i found your blog very helpful. I have been through these blue recently but now with GOD’s help i am happy, i go out for walking everyday with my 16 months old baby and i thank GOD for that,
Much love and respect
I’m so bored I could die some days. I used to have an amazing life. I had hobbies, friends, outings, a job. I sit at home, usually so exhausted I ache, bored out of my skull. It’s in the minus every day here for months on end and dark and cloudy. My baby gets sick every time we go around other kids so the YMCA is out. Plus, how do you do anything when a babies wake time is only a couple hours??? And she only naps in her crib? Do other babies just not nap?
If I go back to work I’ll probably die from not sleeping since my contract is afternoons until midnight. Baby wakes at 5-6am. I feel so lonely, bored, and stuck. I cannot believe having a baby is like this. I love her but man, it’s so isolating and dull. I miss traveling and excitement. What is excitement? I can’t tell you anymore.
Hi heather how are you I hope things are getting better for you☕️Coffee is my joy nowadays ????????I also have found stay at home boring at times but I started listening to podcasts and it helps soooo much please keep us updated on you progress
This isn’t SO much how I’m feeling. I have a 2.5 yo and a 6 mo old and I have never been more bored in my life. They keep me busy for the most part yes, I love them fiercely, yes, but it’s the monotony of the day in and day out that is about to put me over the edge. My baby can only stay awake for 2 hours and my older sleeps in the afternoon so we try go somewhere in the morning. That helps some. But every day, the same thing, the stress of it all, it wears on you for sure.
Thanks for writing this. It’s really encouraged me today. I was feeling quite frustrated.
And the other comments have also helped. God help us all.
Let’s keep it up. We’re doing a great job as mothers.
I love being a full time mom but I am scared of a rainy days because I don’t have a job.I am working on it.I like your post,go ahead.
Hi I’m a SAHM with two autistic children. We only have one family car and my husband has it for work. It’s very difficult for me to take my kids to places like the zoo or anything like that because of meltdowns. I don’t have any friends to talk to or do things with I’m very isolated. My family lives an hr away. What can I do for the day?? ??
Hi, Sumer. I’m sorry to hear this. It sounds really hard. I wish I had good advice; I don’t, but I wanted to reply because I saw you hadn’t gotten any replies yet, and that must feel really lonely. I am home with only one kid, but I live in a very hot climate where I can’t really take her out during the day at all. She’s also stir crazy and bored, and I also live far from family and friends and feel isolated. I actually found this blog post because I was googling “fun things to do with a baby when you can’t leave the house.” I haven’t found them yet. But please know that I wish you well and I will say a prayer for you right now!
I have two kids, 5 And 1. I love them to death and they are both great and beautiful but I struggle with not making money. Everything my husband gives me goes away in the supermarket or on expenses related to school. Yesterday I felt really sad because we have a party and I realized I don’t have anything to wear and I don’t have money to go and buy something. Same thing with my daughter. And then I feel guilty that I am complaining when we have good health and so many other good things. I can’t get a job right now because my kids are young and they take up so much of my time, I have to drive them around everywhere. I love doing it and I wouldn’t have it another way but at the end of the day I feel bad since I didn’t do anything for myself. I often feel depressed and worthless. I worked for many years before becoming a mom and I know how it feels to be appreciated and having your own money to spend as you wish. Now I don’t have a dime to spare. Anyway, maybe I should stop complaining and just be thankful but it gets to me deep down every once in a while. Sorry for being so negative
I’ve been feeling the same as some of you moms here. Absolutely depressed! I have three children, a step child and a baby on the way and since the kids are out for Summer break from school I’ve been going crazy not really from the kids but more so because I can’t work since nobody will hire a pregnant woman. We live in Texas so the days are extremely hot and nights are yucky humid so that leaves me and the kids to be stuck in our small apartment all day. On top of that my significant other comes home and I have to serve him like a “king”, cook everyday for him/kids(don’t mind cooking a meal for my kids) I massage his feet and give him back rubs, I do his laundry, make sure the place is tidy,serve his plate of food first then the kids and I’m last to eat but what do I get in return NOTHING! He has never cooked for me whatsoever! I’ve never received a foot rub/massage from him when my feet are killing me from the extra weight with being pregnant with his baby! He isn’t affectionate. I get physically pushed away if I try to show the least bit of affection. We do not talk. If I want to talk to him about something he doesn’t want to hear it. I go to bed alone or with my little one and he stays up all night watching TV, playing video games or God knows what else. I don’t even want to know because he’s already cheated on me! On top of that he tells me to get a job and that I’m lazy and don’t do anything all day!!! If I try telling him how I feel he doesn’t want to hear it and/or he tells me I’m being selfish for feeling and being unhappy. He says I’m being negative. When in reality he is the selfish one when I try to do anything and everything for him and take care of the kids and care for the home and put my wishes and happiness LAST! One thing is for sure I’m fed up and as soon as I can I’m going to get a job, save money up, get full custody of our kids and leave him. I do not deserve his crap. I deserve so much more. I’m a mother yes but I am still human! We as moms are still human and deserve to have our own life and still have happiness aside from being in mommy mode! We are our own person and dammit I’m going to look forward to the future because if I let this depression get me down I’m going to go way down six feet down and I’m better than that! I’m too good for him and that day will come when I leave him and he will be crying as always but he had me he had his chance and this time I’m going to be a whole lot smarter and I will make it as a single parent. I know I can. I will! I need to do it for myself and especially my kids. My children do not deserve to be unhappy right along with their mother in an abusive environment. I just have to play the waiting game.
I can relate to all in so many ways and I’m glad to get positive ideas brought to the table. I saw a while a ago a program with Oprah about living the moment and treasuring it and it helped me put life in perspective. I had my baby and found the sahm very overwhelming. 18 months later I was back at worked missing my baby and feeling guilty of having to leave him at a day care. Six years later a successful career and lots of more guilt for finding camps when all my kI’d wanted was me. I’m back at stay home mom overwhelmed and sad to stress about not finding a job as a escape. I decided I am going to embrace the moment and explore the many places the island where I leave offer and enjoy the hugs and play with my kid more often. I shouldn’t be stressing about tomorrow because I am not enjoying the privileged I have now. I will make a plan for my future job, so I don’t feel bad about the moment I am in. Thanks for the ideas.
Hello, I just now came across this post bc I have been struggling lately myself being a sahm. Thank you for the good tips. I have scanned the other comments and felt a great understanding for other moms facing the same thing. Many of the other moms have a few to several kids! I only have a 2 year old and a step-daughter who is 6. But I know what it’s like to feel lonely(and I’m kind-of an introvert!). I have shed several tears about it as well and have tried to talk to my husband about it but he doesn’t quite understand, though he does help me when he gets home from work(and I am thankful for that). I used to be in a Christian ministry where I got to travel a few times a month and worked about 4 days a week at a job but all that has changed now. I think sometimes I struggle with feeling like I don’t have a purpose. Though what greater purpose than to raise up a child and love them? Perhaps it’s more like a purpose outside of being a mom. Someone else got it right about having our identity in Christ. Like some others, I too have little social interaction. I think that is my biggest struggle along with feeling tired a lot. We do go to church every Sunday( & about once a month I volunteer in kids class) and our kids go into their classes for an hour or so but that’s about it(which btw, that took some time for my 2 year old bc he is always with me! It makes you feel “torn” but just hang in there if you’re experiencing that right now). Starting recently, my husband and I have been trying to be more intentional about having a date night every 2-3 weeks(every week would be ideal..maybe in the future;).Usually we leave the kids with his mom for 2 hours at the most bc my mom lives away. I agree it is a hard job being a parent and a sahm.. hardest one I’ve ever had! I do love seeing my little boy grow and learn new things. And I am comforted knowing he’s in my own care and I don’t have to worry about that. But I have come to know that getting out and doing something out of the norm is important. And yes, even with just one child at home it still can be a chore just to get ready and go out somewhere. I don’t get a shower everyday and my hair? Lol, I wash it once, maaybe twice a week(Seriously have thought of cutting it off!).Love a good cup of coffee, like someone else mentioned, but about a year ago my husband and I gave up Starbucks and realized we were saving around $800 a year! We always make our own coffee and tea at home now. But yes I totally get feeling like your home is a “prison.” We also live in a small apartment without much of a yard so that doesn’t help, but we’ve saved up enough to get a house and hope to move next year. The Lord will have to help me through these winter months! He did the last two years..(baking, taking a drive, playing in the snow.:) But overall what I was reminded of the most reading these other comments was this Scripture:
Stand firm against him(the devil), and be strong in your faith. Remember that your Christian brothers and sisters all over the world are going through the same kind of suffering you are. -1 Peter 5:9
I knew this verse but I really saw what it meant reading other moms just like me feeling the same way. That alone does give some comfort that I’m really not the only one. Perhaps we can all be brave together and pray for each other. ??
All the advice and info for stay at home moms sounds ideal and I’m sure these things work out and hope those mom’s with the this issue being the #1 , biggest problem in their life to figure out and fix. I don’t mean to sound ugly but I doubt there is not a one single mom or stay at home dad, for that matter, but seriously are there really people who do not figure out that when ur a mom , u need to, u have to be the leader of the pack (our children) meaning it’s up to her to realize 1st that stay at home moms have use ur very own manual, if u will, we have to be more imaginative, figurative, thoughtful, and the some of the most worked, worn and most exhausted people in the world. I have to say this should be common sense and shouldn’t be hard or take too long to figure this out like many moms do have their to do list which includes things to be done daily, maybe it’s something ur having to do several times a day, but then there is scheduling and taking kids to their annual health check ups, eye doc. dentist appointments and so forth then there are the things like taking ur kids to play dates, or friends’ birthday party’s ,if sports are played there’s practices as well as the games to go back and forth. PTA meetings, grocery shopping, could go on and on but we get the point. The responsibility is much but in my opinion a stay at home mom can be the most fulfilled happiest people in the world even with all that stress and the mental overload we all have to or will deal with or handle daily all day and sometimes gotta think about 25 things at once and see Urself still going but in ur head j know u need to take a break or even sleep on it b4 we have to make another decision and make our next move whether our mind is well rested or in a chaotic, overload state of mind all while hoping it’s the right thing, then u have to tell ur self that u r honestly doing the best u can do and when I already know that tomorrow I will have to think even harder, work, nap, love and discipline even harder than we did today. I want u moms out there, u normal moms who get to do all this, go about planning ur day and being a mom that can take her kids to the dentist wen they have a cavity bothering them and then brought to our attentions to bother with too. Listen, ur blessed if u can take ur child to get a much needed haircut and all that stuff like shoe shopping even if it’s too long overdue like ur kids shoes look like horrible and still wearing em, for me, I know if a mom were to realize her child should have gotten a new pair of shoes long ago because there are actually a few holes an no more rubber sole or whatever it may be.? This is the question though and think about this because I know a lot of u have no idea that when ur at home or anywhere and ur living and ur being and doing, hey but y won’t ur kids please hush a minute, and u have thought bout and made the decision on what to do, then when u tell it to ur child letting em in on what is going on and u climb into ur own ride or one u equally share with ur significant other but u r so lucky , so normal if ur the one that says come on we have to go here and we’re leaving at this time and u get in ur car and peacefully getting somewhere based on ur decision and not in ways like ur only getting to do this because u were told to. Many days I sit and know my kids need this and that and we need to go get this or that, forget about thinking of something fun or relaxing and someplace to go , take ur children out on ur own free will. Last but not least, adult conversation can really be a thing one can only dream, imagine or hell even pretend about being normal. I am a mother of 6, yea I stay at home, all day everyday, I had a vehicle for last year for about 7 or 8 months, my last vehicle I had was 8 years ago when I bought a red Grand Prix with income tax money. The car was fine while it lasted, had it almost a year when it broke down on me. My baby’s daddy and I have been what we r for 14 yrs. he lives with me and my (our) 6 kids but he and his mom make decisions and plans for my children and sometimes I’m not aware of things but expected to have em ready or do whatever it is he tells me to do and in the next 5 minutes doing ur job while knowing these feelings of this ain’t right and frankly not normal. Since my jeep broke down, he has the job but rather not worry about getting it repaired. I can’t even drive his car, for real even when I ask like a child asking to borrow ur dads truck, nope no way, that’s his car he says and I don’t need to go anywhere or need nothing anyway. The few times I have drove out of the hose with my kids in his car I will be monitored , phone calls and texts from him every 5 minutes then get back and hear I took too long, who was I with, what was I doing and I’m never going to be able to drive his car and run around doing nothing ever again. I’m getting told to stay out of his car and in front of my kids. They see me, I’m being controlled and miserable and also a stay at home home, I’m aching for adult conversation and feel like I become more incompetent each day. What could I do the feelings are starting to get heavier and I feel my grip just letting go, giving up n giving in, but I don’t want to do that not a single peice of me or not an inch of me wants to be this, can’t deal no more, and hoping u had some advice for an abnormal stay at home mom.?
Hi Holly, I’m sorry you’re going through all of this! But it sounds like your issue is not being a stay at home mom; it’s that you and your husband don’t communicate and that you don’t have much of a relationship and that your mother-in-law has control issues. I think you really need some support and some people around you who can model a healthy relationship and can speak into your lives and help you get out of this rut. I’d really recommend that you reach out to a good church and start attending and serving and making some friendships, because you likely need people around you who are able to have healthy families who can teach you how to enforce some boundaries in your relationship and how to understand that you have worth, too!
Thank you for this article, I’m a SAHM with a 2 year old and lately I’ve been struggling with the idea of being home with a toddler thats constantly demanding my attention, making it hard for me to get anything done- let alone have alone time. Staying home is somehow overwhelming and boring at the same time, but all the advice in this article is spot on. It made me realize that this can be a happy and productive time for both of us. Thank you again for this very encouraging and enlightening article.
Oh, I’m so glad!
Yes actually this information very useful for home Mom like me. Actually I am being proud that i am home mom now.
Thank you so much for these tips.
I have 14 month old twin boys and I could definitely relate…
Going out on my own with them at this age is challenging.
I have been saying for months that I need a hobby, you’re totally right.
I love being a SAHM but it can also be quite isolating at times. But with these tips, I have hope. Thanks again
Just a short while ago I was struggling as a mother. I have been at home for almost 13 years, and have grappled with depression the whole time, except for the past year. I got my hormones straightened out, and started something just for me: a writing career! It’s difficult, and lots of work with homeschool and everything. I just limit myself to about 20 hrs. a week to work. But I needed something to do with the gifts God has given me. And it has made me a happy mom again! I think these tips are simple, practical, and proven. They’ll keep you going in your darkest days. I especially love #9-Having Something Special to Do With Your Children; and #10–Doing Something Crazy! Introverted mothers, tired mothers, I am with you–I couldn’t imagine going somewhere in the car everyday, either. But I DO think you at least have to get outside. Thanks, Sheila, for helping us find out we’re not alone! You are all doing something SO important, even for society. And we also aren’t going to have any regrets when we get older.
Such great tips! I just started staying home full time this summer and could use the tips! Thank you!