Do you need a new attitude towards sex?
It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! Now, often when I say “marriage” I mean “sex”, since I’m one of the few Christian blogs that talks a lot about sex. And today I want to talk about how to decide to think more positively about sex.
A little while ago I received this mail from a reader:
I first came upon your blog under a year ago. Around the time my second baby was born. We were struggling. Just the normal stuff, me breastfeeding, exhausted, we had a toddler and a baby, our sex life was suffering, it was really straining on us. Never really in danger but not very happy and very resentful of each other. Then I started reading you articles on sex and marriage and you even posted a special one after I emailed you about sex and mothering young babies.
You put into perspective for me the importance of sex and the beautiful biblical portrait of sex. I honestly never thought about it that way! You really changed my mind on the issue. While I still wasn’t having fun (hormones…) I decided to try and really make an effort for my husband and our marriage. I decided to try and invest time, think about sex, exercise and change my body, sleep during the day so I could be awake past 8pm, etc… He noticed, and knew I was reading your articles (he really wants us to be real life friends!) and his attitudes towards me also started to change. I am no longer breastfeeding, still exhausted but my body is starting to follow my mind and we are starting to enjoy each other again! I know that if I didn’t decide to change my mind about sex (thanks to you) by the time my body decided it was ready again I probably would have given up on the idea that sex can be good for me too. I don’t know what shape we would be in today…
Emails like that just make my day! Woo hoo!
And I want to point out something really important that she hit on:
She made a decision to think differently about sex, and her body followed.
Ladies, we can’t wait for our bodies to suddenly kick in. For most of us it just doesn’t work that way. If you are waiting to suddenly feel “in the mood”, you could be waiting a really long time. When we’re tired, when we have little kids, when we’re approaching menopause–our bodies don’t say, “hey, let’s get it on, baby.” They say, “Hey, let’s get some sleep.”
And that can lead to a very lonely marriage.
One of the things that I say so often on this blog is that for women, our sex drives are almost entirely in our heads. When we decide, “tonight, I’m going to have fun!”, our bodies start to follow. When we don’t, nothing happens.
Let me get really graphic for a moment.
You can lie there during sex and make a shopping list. You can lie there while you’re making love and feel basically nothing at all. Most women can–not all, and maybe not when you’re ovulating and you’re feeling a little more “sexy”, but intercourse itself does not necessarily arouse us.
If, on the other hand, you decide to stop thinking about the shopping list and start thinking about what’s going on, and start paying attention to your body, and ask yourself, “what’s feeling good? What wants to be touched?”, suddenly your body can switch “on”.
But it all depends on how you decide to think about it.
Your attitude towards sex matters. Seriously, I dare you to try this: the next time you’re having sex and your mind wanders and you think, “how much longer is this going to take?”, stop. Instead, start saying positive messages about sex to yourself, like “I like this. This is fun. What’s feeling good right now? What do I want to do?” And see if you can kick yourself into second or third gear!
Too many of us are being too passive with sex, thinking that if we’re not in the mood and nothing is feeling that great that it must mean that we don’t want it or that sex is awful. But if we can simply think differently about it, for most of us, our bodies will kick in. But you need to take the initiative. You need to tell yourself positive things. You need to decide!
If that’s difficult, my book The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex can help you think differently about sex, and it has all kinds of practical suggestions for how to change your attitude towards sex and how to get excited about it again. I encourage you to read it!
Now, let me know, have you ever found that a mind-shift can make a difference in your sex life? I’d love to hear about it (and you can comment anonymously if you’d like).
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I’d be interested to see if you have any tips for how to change your attitude towards sex when you’re dealing with physical issues in it. I’m still struggling through the vaginismus program you recommended in a previous post, and have hit a wall on my progress. I do understand that a lot of it’s mental, and I try to convince myself that sex with my husband is a good thing and that God wants this for us. But my body still isn’t getting the message, and I still can’t relax enough for it to not hurt. Any suggestions?
That is so tough, Becky, and I do know where you’re coming from! It can take a while to get your body to relax, and the reason it’s tensing up is not your fault. You really aren’t deliberately doing it. So the key is to physically learn how to relax those muscles, which is obviously easier to do if you’re relaxed, but even if you are relaxed, it’s still tough!
I don’t know if you’ve had kids yet or not, but for a lot of women that really speeds up the healing process. But you likely don’t want to wait that long. I’d just say do lots of foreplay, have fun with massage and having baths together, and take things very, very slowly. Keep practising how to tense and relax, tense and relax like those programs teach you, and give yourself some grace. You will get there!
I haven’t had kids yet, though we’re beginning to discuss trying. I don’t want the whole process to be miserable and painful, which is why I’m freaking out a little right now! But I’m a little on the older side for that, so I also don’t feel that I can wait until I get this straightened out, given how slow it’s going. Thank you for your encouraging words, they’re definitely needed right now, and I really do appreciate your openness on this blog!
Becky – are you currently getting any professional help for the issue of painful sex?
It sounds like it’s gotten to the point that “just relax” won’t be really helpful advice. Of course, muscles tensing up cause pain, but not that the cycle has started, it’s not that easy to shut off your body’s automatic response. It’s not always easy to find good help, since it’s a bit beyond what the average ob/gyn handles, but there are good resources out there.
Here’s a blog that deal’s with one woman’s journey to overcome severe pain with intercourse. The list of resources on the sidebar is very good.
http://unconsummated.blogspot.ca/
Thanks for that link, Cynthia! I think Becky has read quite a bit about vaginismus on other posts and in some programs, but that looks like a great website. Thanks for sharing it! I think I’ll write a follow-up about this issue because it’s more widespread than we realize.
I’m not currently seeing any professionals–my gyno knew enough to diagnose me, but wasn’t very helpful in giving advice for overcoming it. Honestly, I don’t know if there is anyone in this area equipped to deal with my sort of problem, though I’m looking into it. Thank you for the link! I’ll have to wait to check it out, because I’m going on vacation soon and we’re in the process of packing, but I will definitely read it when I come home.
Hi Sheila,
Oh man, I seriously love your blog! Every post I see is just so great and exactly what I want to write about. I keep linking up your blogs on my Facebook page to share as I want every single married friend of mine to read your blog. Life changing. I just love this post though as I did this very thing just last night, going from, I don’t feel like doing this at 1am, to, you know this is great and I love that he still wants me in the middle of the night.
Thanks for being a beacon of truth and hope for all married women out there! You’re transforming sex for married couples one blog at a time. Thank you.
Blessings,
Jenny xx
Thanks so much, Jenny! I appreciate the encouragement.
Are you sure they don’t say “Let’s stay up to all wee-hours of the morning and pretend to be busy so the husband will be too tired for sex and we don’t have to make excuses”. 🙂 have a great Wednesday.
Don’t worry, Matt–I’m getting to that in my post tomorrow! 🙂
Yesterday I saw an article by a mom of small children entitled “Why We’re Not Having Sex Tonight.” It was meant to be humorous, but it just made me sad. It was all the typical stuff: too tired, kids won’t sleep, feel fat. If not for your blog, though, I probably would have been just like that author! Thanks so much for helping me understand the importance of sex to our relationship, and that the body follows the brain! I still struggle some (I’m a SAHM with a two-year-old and four-month-old that both don’t like to go to sleep at night!) but at least I understand where I want to be heading!
Awesome! Glad I could be part of that journey with you.
I know there have been times in my marriage when a mental switch did help and I initiated more. But I’ll be honest here: I get bored with it. I really do. I hate to be that way because when we first get going it does feel great and things are fun. But then it sort of stops. I don’t know “what my body wants” because for me, the only things that I’ve known are boobs and..ahem…lower parts. And (if I can be graphic a bit too) not just penetration, but clitoral stuff too. We’ve tried that, tried to get me to “O”, and then my body suddenly screams “NOPE! Too much! We’re done here!” and then it’s just me totally over it and trying to get him “done”. That’s not his fault. He tries really hard to get me to enjoy it. And we’ve had times where it’s just a fun romp where we’re not trying to “get somewhere” and just have a great time, but it again just ends up (eventually) for me being a “okay, this is just feeling blah now, hopefully he’ll be done soon.” I’ve tried all the mental tricks I know. Any advice? I even did a Bible study work-book type of thing that helped me mentally, but now it’s sort of fallen flat too.
(Also, I keep bugging you about this, but I’m also hoping maybe someone who is like me that reads will see it and has a suggestion)
Forgive me for the below graphic description but sometimes we women need help and it’s hard to give it without being a bit more descriptive!
I used to have this problem too. What helped me was another form of changing my mindset. I think about how much my husband wants me to feel excited and how he loves getting me to orgasm. When I get there and I’m waiting for him to finish, I take my energy and put it into getting him excited…sweet talk, caressing him while he’s still going, enjoying the excitement on his face…essentially putting the effort into making it enjoyable for HIM as he puts in the effort to make it enjoyable for me. I might be done but I want him to have the pleasure of finishing too.
Sometimes it’s a little difficult when your body is screaming out that you’re done…I’ve found that I can handle the penetration while he finishes and I do let him know when the rest of me needs to be “done” with touch and then I focus on touching him to help him finish as I talked about before.
This way it’s making love to him just as much as he’s making love to me!
I for sure appreciate your willingness to be a little graphic! We do need help sometimes, and it can be really frustrating when we’re too afraid of things that are private to help one another.
Let me follow up though because I wasn’t clear on what I was saying: It’s not boring (which isn’t really the right way to put it but I can’t think of something better) because I’m done because I’ve orgasmed. My problem is that it gets to be “too much” because I CAN’T orgasm. We’ve been married for nearly 3 years, and I can’t figure it out. I get close (I assume, I have no way of being sure about that) and then all of a sudden my body can’t take it anymore and everything becomes “too much”. Touch (anywhere really) and everything doesn’t feel good anymore. It doesn’t hurt or anything, but it’s like my body is rejecting it. And once that happens, it all crashes for me and becomes a frustration again and I just have to stop him and tell him to finish. I try and stay engaged for him while he’s finishing, but in my head I’m just waiting for it to be over.
One of Sheila’s guest posts a long time ago was about someone who had trouble getting to orgasm and she (short version) basically just kept going and going and going UNTIL IT HAPPENED. I can’t even fathom doing that because once I’ve gone “too far” it’s over. I mean, we’ve tried sort of stopping and just relaxing and all that, but it’s still just over in my mind.
It’s gotten really frustrating, and now I’m 12 weeks pregnant and have been sick a lot and so our sex life has gone down even more. I’ve tried getting help from friends and family, but mostly all I hear is “You’re thinking too hard” and they for sure don’t want to talk about it because it’s so awkward. Being a lady is hard sometimes…
Being a woman is hard sometimes, and honestly, Katie, most women I’ve talked to do take a few years to figure out the whole orgasm thing! You are totally not alone.
I think the problem is that there is nothing definitive that we can say, except to not worry about it, which sounds like really bad advice when you want to figure this out so badly. But because so much of our sexual response is in our heads, the more worry makes it worse. Giving yourself a break for a time and saying, “we just won’t worry about it and we’ll see what happens instead of trying for it” can relieve the pressure for a time, especially if you’re pregnant.
I am curious, though, about this feeling that “it’s just too much”. I’d love to explore that further, because I can think of a bunch of different scenarios which have different causes. One thought: sometimes if the stimulation gets too much, it may be better to stop movement and just continue pressure. So if him rubbing you is too much, just press down with his hand (not his finger which can be too intense).
Sorry if that’s too explicit, everyone, but I wanted to try to help.
I appreciate the comment back (and for sure pregnancy is making this more complicated!). I love your blog and it’s given me a lot of help. I even got your book (Good Girls)! I know there’s not much that can be said simply because we’re all wired a little bit differently and because it is so much in our heads! I wasn’t trying to imply that it was bad advice, just hard to put into action.
We did try sort of just not worrying about have sex and just “funning” around, and that was a nice change. Maybe more of that will help me out too.
I say “too much” because I really don’t know how else to explain it. It goes from being “The most amazing feeling ever” with all the tension and such to being “That is no longer a good feeling stop everything you’re doing now!” and once it hits that point it’s like I’m a machine that goes critical. Every part of me is hyper-stimulated and I just can’t take anymore and it’s over. But it’s not a relaxed, pleasant “over” like I assume an orgasm would be. It’s a frustrating, don’t-touch-me-but-you-still-need-to-finish-okay-do-that “over”.
I will for sure give your suggestion a try though, because it’s not something either of us has thought of. It usually ends up being a “Back off buster” (although in a nicely said, loving way) kind of thing.
Thanks for your help, and I apologize to anyone would might be reading and thinking “OMG TMI!”, too. But I do love that this is a place where sex is something you actually talk about. You rock!
🙂 I understand about TMI, but we’ve got to say it somewhere. 🙂
Seriously, pressure is a different kind of stimulation, and it may work better? It’s worth a try!
This is really clicking with a thought I had this morning. I loved your recent post of beautiful sleepwear and I thought it would be a great idea to keep things interesting with a new nightgown. I showed my husband something I had tried on in the store, telling him that it looked *really good* and I thought he would like it. He said, “but you already have a couple of nightgowns” and I was crushed. This morning–before I read this post– it crossed my mind that the nightgown is about me feeling sexy when I go to bed, not so much about him. He’s ok with about anything–as long as I take it off eventually 😉 I am buying a new nightgown today.
Yes! Exactly! I often put on lipstick, etc., because it makes ME feel sexier. And that then translates into something good for him.
Hi
A friend recommended your blog to me so just had a read and I love this post. So true! You mentioned linking up on marriage posts, I actually write a motherhood blog and my recent one on whether children or marriage come first was surprisingly my most popular one to date. I’ve copied the URL below. Not sure if I’ve done this the right way but I’d love to link up!
http://making-space.co.uk/2014/09/children-or-marriage-what-comes-first/
xx
To change my attitude, which is really to change my focus (from the things I need to get done to focusing on my husband), I tell myself this: “My husband wants to feel connected to me. My husband wants to feel close to me.” Just writing that made me smile. Why would I not want to move toward him, too?
To all of you with sexual difficulties, how many of you have been sexually molested before marriage? any age. You put in the number. Trust me. That was my problem. But thru Jesus Christ there is TOTAL healing. PTL! Our sex life is absolutely GREAT! & We have just celebrated 23 yrs of marriage 🙂
I’m only 24 years old and married for 2 years, my husband and I have a Gardening Service, so most evenings one of us is tired or just not in the mood. And I often have to prepare myself for the evening the whole day, giving my husband compliments, flirting, hugs and kisses etc. I need to think about it the whole day. Last night my husband gave me a massage because my back was sore, half way through the massage I started to focus on what he is doing, his movement and touch and how I felt during the massage, and it totaly put me in the mood. I just needed to forget about the day and focus on the moment. I surprised myself !!!
I have a higher sex drive than my husband, so my “head change” may be a little different. For a long time, I thought that part of submission was waiting for my husband to initiate sex with me and that I couldn’t ask for sex or be aggressive. When I started thinking that initiating sex was a way to serve my husband (who frequently just gets distracted and forgets to initiate), things definitely began to change. He loved it! He was so excited for me to be aggressive in pursuing him sexually. It really made a difference in our sex life 🙂
That’s awesome, Stephanie!
I think for many husbands, it is exciting and gratifying when the wife initiates or “pursues” her husband. For many men, sex is a way to show and experience love. When the wife initiates, it is reassuring to her husband. And, it shows husbands that the wife is really interested in lovemaking, and that sex is not a chore for her (as in “duty sex”).
As to achieving climax, the mind is very powerful and working on mental attitudes may help. Trying too hard may be counter-productive. Relax and don’t feel you have to force anything. This may take time, but keep at it. Also, some variety in the lovemaking may help wives. Many wives find it easier to orgasm in certain positions (rather than in others). Experiment and find what works for you. Your husband will likely be very willing to help you out and try different things (positions, force of thrusting, etc.).
Funny thing. After an emotional conversation, I figured out that I needed to change my own pursuit of Hubby. I’d become rather passive, letting him take the initiative. I am often tired by evening (crazy 3 year old boy!) and Hubby is tired. We realized this had a feedback effect. Hubby began to pursue me less in the quality time/spending time with me way. In response, I wasn’t so crazy about getting it on. We both had to wake up to this reality and begin pursuing each other again. Sheila, you blog has helped me keep right thoughts in my mind about how to grow my marriage. Thank you.
Very good. I wish my wife could have read this many years ago. We both grew up in a Christian religion that is very conservative regarding sex (and correctly so in our view), and so we were virgins when we got marred. But we had a wonderful first year of marriage, and we were making love and exploring sex almost every day. I was OK taking the lead and she was always responded. Then our first child came and after that she changed. She wouldn’t respond to me. It was always busy, sick, tired, etc., ad infinitum. Our sexual intimacy plunged and became difficult and contentious. She took no responsibility for our sex lives. From what I could tell, she expected that somehow, without her having given any thought to it all beforehand, I could get her attention, get her in the mood and turn her on, all without her making any effort at all. I may be good, but not that good. I doubt many men are. So for me it all comes back to 1 Cor 7, that you both have responsibility to meet the other’s sexual needs and wants. Full stop. If one will just assume that responsibility and get to work, most of the issues will just go away. But it isn’t always easy. That’s why articles like this, explaining how to work on things when there are issues, and why women are different from men, and so respond differently, are excellent. Keep up the good work.
Katie R,
I’m not sure how to respond to your post but it jumped out at me. That “I’m done” feeling that your body screams is exactly what I get too. You say you get frustrated because it happens and your trying to orgasm, but I’m thinking that the feeling great feeling before that IS your orgasm. At least that’s how it is for me. After I orgasm my body practically shuts off, I can’t stand being stimulated(which is a little frustrating since I thought the afterwards of an O would be relaxing or pleasant). I’ve talked to my husband about this so he knows once I get mine not to try to stimulate me anymore, then we continue with penetration until he is finished if he hasn’t already. (I know super graphic I’m sorry! But I don’t know how else to say it). My point is that maybe you have been having the big O this whole time, and your getting frustrated for no reason?
Kati I have similar if not same problem. I’ve been married for 9 years and together for 13 and we have 2 children and I’ve never been sexual abused in the past. And I’m very comfortable with my husband and were very good at communicating and I love him very much. My body does not respond the same way as everyone else I know.I think about sex about as much as a 10-year-old girl would and my body responds to sex about like a 10-year-old girl would. It’s like God gave me the gift of celibacy! Lol ~ I definitely went through puberty normally though. My clitoris area feels the same when I’m washing it or wiping after going to the potty as it does when my husband stimulating me down there. There’s just no changes until a certain unpredictable point when the stimulation becomes over stimulated to the point that it is uncomfortable and can’t tolerate to be touched anymore. There is no sense of climax or relaxation or waves as people call it or anything other than frustration. It feels like it might try to start responding only to a few moments later switch gears to “don’t touch me there” mode because it’s overly sensitive but in a annoying almost painful way. Like when something too cold hits a nerve in tooth kind of way! We’ve tried the same thing as you. We’ve tried “teasing” the stimulation or backing off when it seems like it’s headed that way. I’ve been given the same advice as you and tried it all over the years such as not having a goal… Just feeling what my body wants (same as a 10 year old girl)… Putting my mind into it including redirecting my mind all day to force myself to think about sex and being sexy… Lots of foreplay… None of that helped me physically feel any pleasure during sex. It did help me stop saying no to my husband when I wasn’t interested since that was often the case and since I can be celibate without a problem I figured he could too because I couldn’t understand what it meant to have desire. I also have always had painful intercourse but not vaginisms. I always felt like I was tearing or being stretched and many times would bleed after intercourse so this also was a more painful experience instead of pleasure like it is for so many other people. The one thing that no one ever talked about or described to me is to me the KEY to sex feeling good and having desire and that is female AROUSAL!!!! Maybe someday someone will figure out how to achieve arousal in women with sexual arousal dysfunction! This epiphany came to my attention around the end of February this past year. My body had been going through some sickness that seems very much hormone related. I was battling chronic yeast infections and was currently on my fourth east infection in six months. I later went on to have two more yeast infections before the doctor put me on six months of Diflucan as treatment which I’m still currently taking. The same time all these Yeast infections began my face also began exploding with a huge cystic acne which I had never had before. So for me this was obviously hormonal but I don’t know what exactly my hormones were doing to cause all this. So here I was one night battling this yeast infection rocking my baby to sleep in the babies room while my husband lies in bed in our room and he informs me via text that he is hoping to get lucky basically. He then begins sexting me and after 10 minutes of sexting something happened that I had never in my life and all the years I’ve been married and all the times we had sexted or had foreplay or been romantic experienced. I because physically aroused!!! I didn’t even know what was happening and what it was. As I’m rocking my baby experiencing this new sensation I started googling it and found out that it was female arousal. My clitoral area was throbbing and building in intensity. I began to feel very lubricated (that had never happened naturally either) and when I went to examine myself the entire clitoris and hood was 3 times the normal size and it DEFINITELY did not feel like it does when I’m washing myself or wiping after going potty. It was a VERY pleasurable feeling and the lightest touch was enough to make me want more. I was very interested in being sexual at that moment and another thing was my nipples also felt very pleasurable to touch and had never before. Unfortunate for me I had a yeast infection and so my husband couldn’t be in direct contact with that area so we did not get to explore that sensation 🙁 the throbbing and swelling lasted for 3-4 HOURS before it was all gone. It’s never happened again but for about 2.5 following that evening I had lots of desire which was non existent prior. It’s like I hit puberty or something all in one night! But after 3 weeks I was back to my lifelong norm like a switch had turned off. I cried and cried because I literally woke up on morning and KNEW it was gone. I couldn’t easily think about sex anymore and was back to forcing myself to think about it and had no desire again and it was devastating to know how it could be yet feel helpless because you didn’t turn it on or off. I don’t know what caused it exactly and I haven’t been able to repeat it but I learned that I’ve been having sex and going my whole life without ever being aroused physically and that is why I’ve never orgasmed. I went to the obgyn and told her what had happened and my struggles and my new epiphany and she drew hormone levels. My estrogen and testosterone were both in normal range but both she said were on the very low side of normal. We did try a testosterone cream for several months which helped with some energy but did nothing for desire or arousal and we tried different doses and different application sites but all I got was the side effects 🙁 So here is it 10 months later and I’m like a 10 year old girl but with the knowledge of what happened that one night and the desire I had those couple weeks. It did help me understand my husband needs better because now I can relate to what it’s like to desire sex. I pray one day that it all returns and I pray that more people who struggle can figure out that maybe they have never been aroused. If it’s not throbbing and swelling and feeling very different sensation then when you just showering then your not physically aroused even if your mentally aroused! I wish I had the answer on how to turn the arousal on but my body’s hormones or something did it… I really didn’t have any control over it.
Thank you for this post. I have your book the good girls guide to great sex but need to read it again. We have 3 children 4 and under which leaves me feeling pretty drained at the end of the day. When I really work on getting my head in on it i can enjoy myself but my sex drive has always been low, so most of the time its “how much longer is this going to take”. But I just wanted to say thank you for your posts, they have been so encouraging to me and make me want to keep working at it!!
I’m so glad, Trish!
This is a great article. Let me preface my comment with this, we have a kindergartner & an almost 3 yr old. There are many, many times in a day I think about my hubby romantically. And if he were right there & kids occupied, we’d take off for a quick romp. He still gives me goosebumps after being together 20 years. Anyway, by the end of the day, the thoughts go out the window & so my body follows. All the romantic thoughts (some naughty…ok a lot ?), have been broad-sided by kids bickering, disobeying, not listening. Chores that need to be done. Meals that need making & cleaning up after. Baths to be had, calming kids down for bed. The list goes on…. So how do I tap back into those thoughts after having all this “stuff” taking away my naughty thoughts of my hubby?
I think Hollywood could be partially to blame here as well. It’s easy to think/feel that our serial experiences should equal or mirror what we see on tv/screen so much that when it doesn’t we are let down. That’s why we must be careful what we watch and how high our expectations are. Everyone orgasms and climaxes differently. Just having someone to pleasure you…and you being able to pleasure someone should be exciting and special. It doesnt have to reach some bar or level of preconceived ideas. Being close is being close.
Not <<>> experiences….<>>. Crazy auto correct….
Was married for 36 years to the same man and our sex life was good at first but as most women have mentioned that after having kids, at the end of the day you’re too tired to think about anything but going to sleep. I too was sexually molested as a child and sometimes it would pop into my my mind and I would cry about it. But my ex husband was very patient and understanding, but we still had to do foreplay to get me in the mood. A lot of times when I wasn’t interested I focused on pleasuring him first because I had loved him at that time so as he got aroused and then I would also get aroused. Unfortunately he kept drinking and his alcohol became more important than his own wife and kids so our marriage suffered and he realized too late after our separation and divorce. But being 57 years old I can relate to some of the issues that women have posted about, it’s very hard to get in the mood when you’re tired or your mind won’t shut off and there’s no miraculous pill or trick as I have too had those issues of “don’t touch me anymore” when I was over stimulated. I can honestly sympathetize with all of these women. I love your blog because you have a lot of good advice and not afraid to share it. Until I started reading your blog I used to think that sex was dirty and only meant for reproduction… but then I read from the bible and found out that God wants us to be monogamous and submit to our spouses, to feel pleasure because that’s how he made us. I no longer think of sex as dirty or just for reproduction because of the many years of reading different things and your Christian blog has certainly helped, wishing that it was around after I had my 3 daughters as back then sex wasn’t talked about openly as it is now. Thank you for your blog!
I’m so glad that you enjoy it, Susan! And I’m glad that you’re experiencing some healing now.