Most Important Thing to Do to Improve Your Marriage

It’s Wednesday, which means it’s time to talk to marriage! I’ll introduce a topic, and then you all can link up your own marriage posts in the linky below. Today we’re going to tackle the ONE Thing you can do to improve your marriage.

I received an email from an exhausted reader last week saying that she didn’t need five tips or seven tips or three tips to help. She just needed ONE–one thing she could do that would make things better. Sex is boring, life is hard, and she’s running out of steam. How does she make it better? Obviously there are crucial things like pray more, or learn to be more giving, which I talk about a lot, but she wanted something supremely practical and out of the box.

And so here it is–the ONE Thing–the EASIEST Thing–You can do to Improve Your Marriage

Are you ready?

Stop Over-Analyzing.

That’s it.

Here’s why. Picture this scenario:

You’re tired, and you’re pulling yourself upstairs after a long day. You know that it’s been a couple of days since you last made love, but you’re not sure if you want to. So this is what goes through your head:

You’d be asleep sooner if you stopped the inner monologue and just jumped him!

Or here’s another one: The teens are downstairs playing video games and it’s 7:30. The dishes are still on the counter. You hear your husband get up from the table where he is working and start walking towards the kitchen where you are. You have this fleeting thought–heading upstairs for a quickie would be fun! But then the other thoughts start:

The dishes aren’t done yet. The kids might come upstairs and hear. I have so much to get done before tomorrow! He’ll think I’m crazy. He’ll start expecting this all the time. I’m not even sure I want to. He’s kind of been ignoring me a bit all evening…

And so you give him a fleeting smile when he walks in the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and you start running the water for the dishes.

Imagine if that scenario had played out differently.

He walks into the kitchen, you get a sly grin on your face, you touch him somewhere private, and say, “let’s head upstairs”. Giggling you both hurry upstairs where you have some very quick fun. You come back downstairs a few minutes later, hair all messed up, and start the dishes. Chances are he helps. Or he stays in the kitchen and starts talking to you. The rest of the evening is rather stress free, and you’re smiling a lot.

But this doesn’t just apply to sex! Here’s another scenario:

Your husband says on a Saturday morning:

Let’s just get in the car and drive somewhere! We’ll take the kids for a hike and go out for lunch! It’ll be so much fun.

But you think,

“we have hockey practice at 3, and the house is a mess. I need to get the kids to do their chores. I haven’t even prepared my Sunday School lesson for tomorrow yet. I was planning on taking today to just decompress so that I’d have energy for tomorrow.”

So you tell him it just won’t work. He sighs and goes back to whatever he was doing.

In fifteen years, do you think the kids would remember the day they ditched responsibilities and went for a winter hike? You betcha. Do you think they’ll remember a Saturday when they stayed at home and did chores before hockey practice? Nope.

Obviously we can’t take off all the time, and chores are important, but I think too often we women are thinking about a million things in our minds–all the things that need to get done, that are on our plate–that we forget to make memories and just plain laugh.

And laughter often happens when we’re spontaneous.

Listen, ladies: we’re born analyzers. We analyze everything from the time we’re small children. When you went out on your first date you analyzed that, going over every move, trying to figure out if he really liked you. We think and think and think.

Sometimes you need to turn it off. You don’t have to have everything planned. You don’t have to get everything done. You don’t have to have a reason for everything. Sometimes you have to just DO–just live in the moment and have fun.

If we do that more often, I think we’d have much stronger marriages.

31 Days to Great SexBut if it’s been so long, and you don’t know how to get out of the rut, that’s what 31 Days to Great Sex is for! It gives you something to talk about each day so that you can flirt more, explore more, and have more fun–without all the analyzing and doubt. Check it out today!

Christian Marriage Advice

Now, what advice do you have for us today? Just link up the URL of a marriage post you’ve written in the Linky below!

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