Can perimenopause make you feel like you’re going crazy?
Every Monday I like to put up a Reader Question and then take a stab at answering it. Today we’re going to do something a little different, though, because this is a question I’ve wondered about myself–and I’d love some of your input! In a nutshell, it’s this: Can perimenopause make you crazy?
A reader writes:
It’s not just the physical stuff that perimenopause brings but also the emotional and mental stuff as well – sometimes extreme irritability, brain fog, at times depression or very negative thinking about life and loved ones. It’s those emotions that seem to fluctuate with my cycle that I have a hard time dealing with. As a Christian, I find a lot of my thoughts at those times very un-Christ like, and even downright lousy – but as as Christian, I feel like I must be doing something wrong to be having such a horrible mindset. Can’t really say that I am “Spirit-filled” when I’d like to thwack my husband with a frying pan because he asked me what’s for dinner and I’m thinking he’s implying that I’m not doing my job right! It’s not so much the physical (tons of information on that and trip to doctor in the future), but everything else that I’ve been struggling with lately. It’s sorting out what’s pushing me towards the “crazies” vs. what’s really coming from sinful nature instead of Christ in me.
Or, if I could paraphrase, what she’s really asking is this: Is the “hormones made me do it” a valid excuse for a Christian?
As someone who is rather hormone-ravaged myself I’d like to think this one through. So let me tell you a bit of my story, and give you my thoughts, and then invite you all, especially some of you older readers who have been through this, to chime in!
What is Perimenopause?
Basically it’s that transition between having your regular cycle and then menopause coming. It can start as early as 35, and you can be in perimenopause for up to a decade before you actually start full-blown menopause. Doesn’t that sound lovely?
What Are the Symptoms of Perimenopause?
Let’s talk physical first. You would think that if perimenopause is that in-between time separating fertility from menopause that it would be a gradual “slowing down”. But for many women it’s not. It’s like nature decides to have one last Hurrah! Periods which were every 30 days like clockwork can start coming every 25, every 22, even every 21. And instead of lasting 4 days they can last 7. And you can feel like you’re hemorrhaging every time. Your flow often gets heavier (that’s why Super Plus Plus tampons were invented, I’m sure.) You start getting paranoid about leaking at night. Let’s just say I’m a tad bitter.
By the way, if you start having these symptoms, you should see your doctor just to rule out blood clots or anything like that! And get your iron checked.
Or you could do the opposite, and have your periods slow down and get lighter. You can start to experience a lot of fatigue, almost like the first trimester of pregnancy (when it’s hormonal, too). You can get vaginal dryness and a decreased libido.
And what about the mental/emotional symptoms of Perimenopause?
It’s like PMS on steroids. You’re really moody and extremely easily irritated. You have frequent brain “farts” when you just can’t remember basic things. You can get really weepy.
So…Can I Blame it on the Hormones?
That’s a tough one, and I guess I’d say that if the symptoms are so bad that you really can’t control them, and you feel severely depressed or way too angry, you should talk to a doctor about it. I do know friends who have taken bioidentical hormones which have helped tremendously, especially with libido (and wanting to smack random family members). I don’t want to recommend anything specific, though, because I’m not a doctor, and I really think you should talk to someone who is before taking medication or supplements.
Stay Aware of Your Cycle
That being said, let me tell you about what I’ve noticed with me. I just find that I get really angry and irritable, and stress that I could normally handle gets blown way out of proportion on the days right before my period or the first few days of it. And that’s not fun for anyone in my family.
I think the best way to handle this is to start paying a lot of attention to your body and chart your cycle–which of course is hard since one of the symptoms of perimenopause is that it’s irregular. Go figure.
But at least TRY to chart it, so that you can start predicting when you’re going to be moody. My oldest daughter and her three roommates have all downloaded this app that tracks your cycle and sends you messages (“You’re going to get a little irritable today! Beware!”) That’s not a bad idea. If you know that there’s a reason, and if you’re prepared, then when you do start to feel upset you can at least tell yourself, “this is temporary.” Or try to tell yourself, “I know I’m likely to be irrational today, so I’m just not going to start any fights.”
Those may be good days to plan to cook the frozen pizza for dinner and give yourself a bit of a lighter day.
And if you do get irritated at your husband, remember that it’s probably just hormones (remember the post I wrote on the Trigger Points for Conflict?). Don’t try to win any argument or make a point. Why not agree to talk about the issue in two days when you’ll likely be a little more rational.
Another thing: Tell your family. I think if we warn people, they’re more likely to understand, and they may even be able to talk you down. “I know you’re stressed, Mom, but why don’t you try to figure out how to rearrange your schedule tomorrow, and right now we’ll just go to Dairy Queen and get a Blizzard?”
Now I’d like to hear from all of you: has perimenopause been bad for you? Or is PMS bad in general? How do you handle it so that you don’t take it out on your family?
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I never dealt with PMS when I was younger. And then, BAM, after the birth of my third child when I was almost 36, perimenopause hit. It makes me want to hurt someone (no, not my children) for absolutely no reason. It makes me want to pick a fight for absolutely no reason. It’s terrible, and I feel almost helpless in controlling it. And that’s just the emotional side of it. The headaches and the sleeplessness the week before my period just exacerbate my bad mood. My doctor put me on 1 mg of estrogen for the 10 days preceding my period every month, and that worked really well for a while. But it’s not working now as well as it used to. Guess it’s time to go back and see him again.
The way I look at it is simple. Mental illness is real – menopause can cause mental symptoms. But if you know you are suffering from out of control behaviour and you do nothing, then you are choosing to do it. Our job as christians is to accept when we have a problem and seek out help and do something about our condition.
That is an EXCELLENT point. Very well put.
Thank you. I needed to hear that.
I know for me PMS makes me over think things that I would normally not which then gets me worried. I counter act that with telling myself positive affirmations and praying. I also know that I get short and cranky when I am tired which is way more the week before my cycle. I intentionally try to make sure to go to bed on time which helps eliminate some of that snappy stuff that my husband sometimes receives from me. When I started working out my PMS symptoms went way down!
My daughter found the same thing–she had HORRIBLE cramps. Just HORRIBLE (like fainting, throwing up, etc.). When she started working out, they almost went completely away.
What’s the name of that app? 🙂
I’ll ask my daughter when I see her this afternoon and put it as an update in the post!
Please do! I read this to my husband (the part about the app messages) and he goes “Can I get that app?! I want to be warned too!” LOL!!!
I’ve got an app called FMC (Free Menstrual Calendar) I can input my cycle length, when I start (then it tells me when I should be ovulating), my mood, when we have sex, etc. My husband actually got the app too, but not for my moods. He wanted to know when my prime times were. Ha ha ha. He kept up with it for a while, but I don’t think he’s updated it in a long while.
I have been using this site for years and it really does help in dealing with PMS/perimenopause symptoms…knowledge is power 😉
http://monthlyinfo.com/
iPeriod is a fantastic free app for cycle tracking!
I think these are great suggestions. I know that I’ve had a few “Why am I crying?” moments during perimenopause. I’m sure that’s especially fun for our husbands. :/
I’d love for someone out there to write a post on perimenopause or menopause and body image! Because your body also changes during this time, and you may not feel as attractive. I’ve wondered if this is the time when some women just throw in the towel and make the move to wearing mumus every day. Which I’m obviously NOT suggesting. (Don’t. Do. It.)
I’ll be coming back here to read comments later. I’m interested to hear what women say on this topic, Sheila! Thanks for tackling it.
So glad to see this post! “Peri” has been knocking on my door for a couple of years now. I’m 44! FORTY-FOUR!!! But it’s been slow and a little more subtle. I should be thankful. <– I so am! I was stunned to realize just how long this process can take. I think for most women, not understanding what's going on can be quite troubling. Getting information like this out there is so helpful. I have the iPeriod app. As you mentioned, though, with unpredictable cycles it can be a little tricky calculating. But charting to the best of your ability does help. My cycles are all over currently. I'll skip a month or go about a month and a half. Then I may have two periods really close together. Fun, fun! Communicating does help. I feel that for me, it lets my husband know that I'm aware of my own mood swings, that I want to know how they're affecting him, and that I need some extra grace. When we ask for grace it's difficult to be turned down. What husband or family member could look us in the eyes {you know, those crazy eyes?} and say no to grace?
I had a talk with one of girlfriends about PMS and one thing she said, that I’ve found common among many women is “I’ve never thought about that connection!’ I’ve found that just BEING AWARE makes a huge difference. it’s so easy to beat ourselves up over something temporal ( at least for pms) and then spend a few more days feeling horrible about our reactions over that season. But when we know what’s going on, we can cut ourselves some slack and have a “this too shall pass” mindset. Great thoughts and tips. I love how butterfly wings has put it too.
Ok, I have a friend that says I am too young to be peri, according to her doctor. According to my symptoms of maybe one cycle a year and nearly 44 years old, I would say to add it to my PCOS and diabetes. I did have a friend recently suggest “happy pills” because I tend to analyze things and it affects my thought life. Currently reading Lysa Terkeurst’s book “Unglued” and the devotional book that goes with it. It seems to help if I can make sure I have my Time with God before anyone else gets up. That helps me get the right perspective before dealing with younger hormones that have created a young lady in our home. 🙂
I’m not perimenopausal but I have always had horrible PMS and have suffered from post-partum depression after the births of both my babies so I can relate to the “Is it me or is it The Crazy?” feeling. I also struggled with feeling like I shouldn’t be dealing with those issues because I’m a Christian. It kept me from seeking help because I felt like “just giving it to God” should have been enough and I was doing something wrong. Which of course did nothing but contribute to The Crazy.
Talking to my doctor was the best thing I did. Once the hormones and chemical imbalances were in check again, thanks to medications and supplements, my life completely changed. I had joy again. I was functional again. I wasn’t ripping my poor husband’s head off at every little irritation or screaming at my children daily. I could cope with the day to day curveballs of life. So TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. This is not a spiritual problem, it is a PHYSICAL problem. Once I got over that hurdle it was like a fog was lifted from my brain and I felt more alive than I can remember feeling in the past decade of my life.
With PMS, I have always had it really bad. When I was in high school I would get so sick on the first day of my period that I’d have to leave school. Pale, trembling, nauseous, exhausted, pain…oh the pain! Ugh! My mom did a little research and discovered that low iron levels can contribute to those symptoms. So I started taking vitamins with my daily allowance of iron and folic acid, plus a little extra because my cycle sapped a lot out of me, and it made a HUGE difference in the physical symptoms. So check your nutrition. See a nutritionist or a naturopathic doctor and figure out what vitamins and minerals could be helpful for you. It’s important to know how much you should be taking instead of just going to the store and grabbing whatever bottle of vitamins off the shelf.
The other benefit to getting these things medically under control is you will be able to more easily tell when feelings are genuine and when you’re having a hormone swing or whatever. For me that has been very beneficial. I can say to my husband “Okay, I must be on a hormone swing right now. I’m reacting very strongly to this situation and I can’t deal with it at the moment. I need some space.” And he appreciates that. He just leaves me alone until the wave of hormones passes and I can once again deal with whatever is happening.
So all that to say, get help. 🙂 There’s no shame in it. For me a combination of medical and natural approaches has worked wonders. I love modern medicine and I love natural remedies. They can walk hand in hand. I like to say “They can play in the sandbox together!”
Hello,
Fogginess, hmmmmm, what is that? OH, that is my question to everything right now. I had a partial hysterectomy in 2003, and I’ve had a few foggy days since, but not like the past month. OMYWORD…can you say forgetfulness???? I’m surprised I can even remember how to type, or what foggy is. LOL I just bought a bottle of black cohosh and…hmmm, see? Evening primrose oil;. SEE????? Took me about 30 seconds to think of that.
Very Frustrated!!!
LOL…just wait…..The actual time of Menopause is the worst. I could write a book on what a life changing, emotional wreck I became from 50-52. Menopause is not for wimps!
Patricia, you are so right. I’m 55 and still battling with all the emotional symptoms–don’t know when they’re suppose to end! At 51, I took up jogging–long distances–taking every supplement that I could find that is suppose to help, eating real healthy—you name it, I’m trying it. It’s only God’s grace that I’m still breathing, REALLY! They’re are times that I want to throw in the towel, and say, “LORD, take me, I quit.” Being married to a perfectionist for 34 years, doesn’t help. He’s always wanting everything better with not much of ANYthing I do being good enough. I know the LORD is sovereign, but it is soooooo hard. Most women that I talk to about this look as if I’m from another planet. If anyone has any other ideas, please let me know. : )
I have recently entered menopause and finding that anger is the biggest issue. Menopause seems to have brought to the surface 17 years of pent up anger. I have dealt with verbal and emotional abuse for 17 years. While it is somewhat better most days now I’m finding it hard to let go. I have also been dealing with 5 grown children who refuse to grow up and work. They’re all reaching their 30s! I am doing my best to pray my way through it but I’m truly a raging homicidal maniac right now lol. Any advice would be appreciated and welcome
Tracy, as a 24 year old, I can tell you that your children do not need you to look after them past age 18. I think that some of that anger that you’re feeling now can be used to create healthy boundaries between you and your family.
Children can refuse to grow up and work all they want, but at the end of the day if you tell them they can’t live in your house anymore (or they have to pay the going rate for renting a room in a house if they do), they’ll have to take care of themselves. If they refuse to leave, you can change the locks after giving them enough warning to find a job and a place to live. It sounds extreme, I know, but you took care of your kids for their entire lives so far–that’s also pretty extreme if you ask me. It’s not wrong to ask them to leave the nest. And push them out of it if need be.
As well, when it comes to an unhealthy relationship, there are some great resources on this blog by a woman named Natalie and Sheila’s also talked about this on her site, as well, and has a post on how to stop the emotional abuse cycle.
Anger isn’t always a bad thing; sometimes it’s a necessary reaction to injustice in the world. And if you’re being treated unfairly, it’s OK to be angry about that. The healthy response to that anger is setting up those boundaries so that the behaviour stops. This is easier said than done, but especially when it comes to your adult children, there ARE things that you can do to make things easier for you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this, and I hope you start to see improvements soon!
Great comment, Becca. I really have nothing to add. (That’s my daughter, by the way).
Ty rebecca,
That is exactly what’s happening I’m setting boundaries and putting my foot down. I am currently doing a search on biblical forgiveness and anger because that’s where I’m struggling. Even though I feel justified it doesn’t mean I am. Jesus is our example and he was more entitled than anyone to be angry but wasn’t. He teaches us to be merciful to receive mercy, gracious to receive grace, and forgive so that we may be forgiven. I do not feel gracious, merciful, or compassionate and it bothers me because I don’t usually struggle in these areas.
Tracy, Jesus as our example also once pulled out a whip of cords and turned over money changers’ tables. And forgiveness does not mean letting people walk all over you.
Jesus’ actions were always motivated by one central question: What, in this circumstance, will draw people to God and point people to God? And that needs to be our question, too.
It does not point people to God if we do things for them that they should legitimately be doing themselves, robbing them of the opportunity to learn responsibility (a key ingredient in a healthy life, and a key thing to understand if one is ever to come to repentance). I’d really suggest reading the book Boundaries, because it explains this very well.
Remember, too, that goodness and niceness are not the same thing. We aren’t to strive to be nice; we’re to strive to be good, which means seeking God’s best for the people around us. It is not God’s best if they are devoid of responsibility, or enabled to remain selfish. I hope that makes sense!
Great post.
Ty so very much for the great advice. I will check out boundaries
Oh I could write a book on this one! I am 47 but have been going through some peri for more than a few yrs I think. For me, its been less # of days between cycles, more cycle days up to 10 before & super heavy heavy period sometimes. Possibly every 2-3 months I have a real doozy of PMS which for me (now) starts about 1-2 days into my period.
I was told a few yrs ago that my endometriosis is back in full force…as its been yrs & yrs since that was an issue for me. My uterus is enlarged, tilted..doc asked this…”when do you want to schedule your hysterectomy?” That scared me a bit, as I’m afraid of hormones since 2 months before i turned 40, I experienced mood swings, crying spells, fatigue…etc…another doc (woman specialists on hormones for women) put me on bioidentical progesterone at a very high dose. First few days i felt better,…by end of wk I had gained 5lbs…I was very fit at 5’3″ 125lbs with 16% bodyfat from weight lifting/eating right etc….BUT..I had extreme stress in my marriage..within 1 1/2 months I had gained 20lb but it was largely around my middle & lots of fat. I was working out doing same routines, eating good…but I was gaining like crazy! Discovered on my own, that the progesterone too high…started having few gallbladder issues, then heart issues to where my reg doc wanted to do stress test. I believe ALL that was due to taking the progesterone or at least some as it was exacerbating the problem. FINALLY found out later that year, that I had adrenal fatigue…after thyroid tests, hormone saliva tests etc. It took years to feel better & guess what…in February or March of this year, my body said..Time for a change again. So..with all that said, & the endometriosis, Im still not sure WHAT I should do. Take bioidentical, but lower dose to see if things improve? Do nothing & just keep on keepin on? I have found out that I am sensitive to progesterone, dosage etc also so that is what scares me about taking it, or EVEN if that is the real underlying issue. As about when all this started happening yr ago, my rest heart rate went from mid 60’s-70’s to low 40’s & 30’s. My body temperature also went from the norm 98.6 to 97’s & sometimes 96’s I have NOT found A DOCTOR to care enough to deal with any of this, but I am very aware of my body & what is going on. NOW…Taking all than into consideration INTO MY MARRIAGE….
My sex drive has declined mostly in past yr or so…My husband hasn’t really cared much about sex for 6-7 yrs. I feel that HE has a very significant testosterone deficiency, & a doctor earlier this year mentioned that,..but didn’t think that it was at the absolute bottom to supplement. Were looking for newer doc currently! I think I manage my cycles very well considering ALL the huge amounts of stress, & dysfunction that is within my marriage….Im not trying to be mean but just realistic with this….my husband sure seems to me like he has more ‘female’ cycle issues than I do, I am a female! I just dont feel as though he cares much about me, anything with me but it seems to revolve around him most of the time. He doesnt sooth me, comfort me like i need, rub my back if i ask…not much tlc going on from him & I have ‘learned’ to cope i guess. This is the biggest issues in my marriage….One person cares & tries to do things for the marriage, while the other is all about themselves & what they want most frequently!! THAT plays out in every single aspect of our marriage!!! This has gone on for years & years, but its getting so bad & I feel so unloved, that It is difficult to keep track of WHAT IS FROM MY CYCLE, VERSUS WHAT IS FROM THIS LACK OF LOVE/COMFORT/SOOTHING & no real love relationship!!!!!
I know exactly how you feel about your marriage relationship. It is amazing how our thoughts and our body shape plays a factor in the way we are viewed by our spouses. Maybe someone else has some good answers!
I obviously don’t know your specific situation — or anything about an enlarged uterus — but the heavy, long periods and some of your other symptoms sound familiar. I ended up having an endometrial ablation, and it’s perhaps the best thing I ever did for my body. I just wonder if that’s an option for you; if it would help in any way.
Hang in there. It’s wonderful that you are continuing to seek answers and doing all you can to preserve your marital intimacy. Blessings & prayers, Danielle!
As far as the frustrations in your marriage, I found the “laugh your way to a better marriage” videos by Mark Gungor to help our marriage so much with the give and take thing. It has made a big difference for us ( married 24 years). Highly recommend.
Some have found the Trim Healthy Mama diet to help with the peri menopausal symptoms and many various health problems. I have had some success with that. Check out their Facebook page for testimonials.
I hope you find solutions. God bless!
Please keep in mind that you CAN have a hysterectomy, relieving the uterine symptoms ie. endometriosis, without having your ovaries (the major source of our hormones) removed. I have had issues since puberty with awful cramps, and when the ridiculous bleeding started coupled with uterine fibroids I decided it was time for me to be done. But, since I was so young (39), I was NOT ready to be shoved into artificial menopause. It has worked fairly well for me. Talk to you healthcare provider!! (And if he/she won’t take the time to discuss your options completely with you, find another one!!)
Have you read Suzanne Sommers book – I’m too young for this! ….Yes your husband can go through a man-o-pause and NO you do not need to have a hysterectomy! The thing I have found is doctors in the “ob/gyn” area care more about your pap smears than actually listening and doing this extra testing for bioidentical hormones – which DO work!! I am going to go to an endocrineologist for the blood workup/test that it takes to design the bioidenticals – I am taking the book in and making time to talk to the doc about what is going on.
I have had symptoms – it started with leg itching that would wake me up in the night – loss of estrogen….and now i have other symptoms that went ignored by the first doc. I fired him.
Perimenopause and pms….my enemies! I have struggled with both for years. Honestly, I believe God has used these to teach me lessons in my marriage. They are my reminder to treat my husband with the same grace I would like. My husband’s hormones get the best of him on occassion no matter how hard he tries(pornography) and at these times God has taught me to remember to treat him with the grace and love, the same as I need at least once a month when my hormones get the best of me. We both strive to walk in the Spirit and have self control, but we don’t always have victory. For years I hung onto the verse, “he who looks upon a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” and struggled with forgiveness and bitterness in my marriage but God opened my eyes to verses right above them about anger being equivalent to murder. And when my hormones take over I definetly have anger problems, although they are so much better now with the help of supplements.
Such a great post. I struggle with these symptoms as well. But mine didn’t start until I had my tubes tied after the birth if our second child. It is bad! I didn’t realize there is actually a “syndrome” called PostTubal Ligation Syndrome. There are many ladies that have reversals done & say it helps with the symptoms. But I’m not sure if that is what I want. But I want these mood swings & headaches to go away!
I am curios what meds Melissa started on to help her live better & feel joy again. I’ve tried several anti-depressants & I don’t like the side effects of any of them.
I’ve always suffered from PMS. Not the physical symptoms of it, but all that emotional diarrhea. One moment, I would be ok, then I’d turn into Regan from the Exorcist. Or I’d turn into an absolute puddle of tears, and all because Mom asked me if I preferred green beans or corn. To go along with that I have PCOS. Which means everything is irregular anyway! After I had my son almost 5 years ago, I got very normal. All my tests came back as NO PCOS. Then a few years ago, my periods wouldn’t stop and they were horribly bad. They say that if you need to change your pad every hour to go to the doctor. I was having to change one every 1.5 hours. Finally the doctor decided to do something. Said there was no cause for it, refused to say it was perimenopausal because of my age (I was 36). But I truly believe that is what was wrong. Because all that bleeding caused me to go very anemic, I had to do something to stop it. We tried birth control pills, which caused a blood clot, so we went on to the Mirena IUD. Since being on it, everything almost disappeared but I still suffer the emotional onslaught of PMS. It’s not nearly as bad as before, but it’s still VERY obvious that it’s there. And though I TRY to control it and catch it, generally it’s my husband who brings my attention to it. I pray that lady finds answers and relief. I truly believe that it CAN affect you and it’s not very controllable, much like a mental disorder or pregnancy. But there is relief, you just have to be upfront with your doctor, and ask those around you to extend extra grace on those days.
You ladies might want to look into Nutrition Response Testing. I recently became a practitioner and am amazed every day by the things I see! It can help with hormone issues, but goes to the CAUSE not just cover the symptoms! You can read more about it on my website: http://www.distictnutrition.com if you’re interested, find someone in your area. It’s very affordable too!
When I clicked on your link, it did not take me to your site. Is it spelled correctly? I did see a YouTube video about it, though.
When I clicked on it, it went to Time Warner Cable. Hmm?
The link is spelled wrong. It is distinct nutrition dot com. I’m going there, too! And YES. Peri-menopause can make you crazy!
I’m turning 51 in a few weeks and also find the sleeplessness the toughest to cope with. My hubby actually tunes into my pms time before I do but when it arrives I call it my little black cloud. It follows me everywhere until my period flows freely then I feel released. I try and stay silent to curb lashing out to anyone. I find otc’s such as Robax and Advil help especially the back aches. I also have a tilted womb. That App sounds interesting…would luv to know the name too.
Sheila- Thanks for tackling this. As from suffering from PMS and Perimenopause, I am right smack dab in the middle of the battle. I can relate to alot the commentors. I can suffer the insomina, moods swings and hot flashes plus the periods that leave me feeling like I am going to bleed to death plus the pain that leaves me feeling like someone should shoot me and put me out of my misery in the space of 24 hours . On these days I just have to beg my family’s my forgivenss, then I have to move on. Supplements and being aware of needing more sleep and taking it slower helps .
Sorry, the website was mis-spelled! Try http://www.distinctnutrition.com look for the post on Nutrition Response Testing for information.
My OBGYN suggested an ablation for my tubal side effects. But I’ve heard, from nurses, that it hurts really bad. Can you tell me more about it? Thanks.
Big plug here for natural family planning. Learn to understand what your body is telling you – because it DOES tell you! Creighton model is especially good and there are health care practitioners around who teach it. Google Creighton Model natural family planning to get the scoop. You may have the opportunity to ditch the pill and hormone replacement stuff and all that. (I’ll echo Sheila & say you shouldn’t make any huge changes without talking to the doc first) but seriously! Look into this and learn about it before you just write it off. I love this method and I love understanding my own body – the way God created it – and the communication and support it fosters between me and my husband. Win win win.
Erin I started using the Creighton Method about 3 years ago and have learned so much about myself with it. How I wish I had heard of this when I was first married. I am so excited to teach it to my daughters so they can understand their bodies from the beginning.
I can very much relate to the hormone issues some of these women talk about. I am a man and was diagnosed with low t several years ago and although t replacement did get some things on a better track it was no picnic and it is expensive and takes a bit of learning and figuring to make it work. Libido is else to high or too low and can be frustrating. id love to have sex twice a day but if I would have an orgasm I could barely handle the fallout and depression. An Orgasm can make me feel like a zombie sometimes especially there was not lots of loving foreplay beforehand. Confusing and disconcerting to say the least.
I am 46 and have had symptoms since I turned 40. My cycles did shorten for a while, but now they are lengthening. Unfortunately, PMS seems to hit on day 21 no matter how long the cycle is, leaving me increasingly miserable for 3 or more weeks some cycles. I never before imagined I would ever beg for my period to start so that I could feel better. The most useful thing I have done is to learn to recognize that I am “angry from the inside out” rather than appropriately upset about an external trigger. It reframes the problem so that some small part of my brain can remind me that whatever I may be blaming for my mood is probably not the cause and not to pursue it. I also warn my loved ones. My children are teens now, but even at school age they could understand “Mum is cranky, it is not your fault, but please do not push me today”. It also stops my poor DH from trying to “fix” whatever problem my irritability has latched onto as a reason for being upset. It helps that I have friends going through the same thing. We take turns supporting each other, even occasionally finding a little humour in it. Like the time I messaged a friend with “Please remind me that no matter how homicidal I may feel today that I don’t actually want anyone dead!” I also need to remember that during this phase of my cycle red wine is NOT my friend. All it will do is set off hot flashes that interrupt my sleep and make matters worse.
Like a lot of hormone issues, the first line of defense is lifestyle modification. Making sure you are eating organic foods will eliminate any synthetic hormones you will be getting through conventionally raised foods that may be impacting your hormone profile. Exericise helps to “clear out” excess hormones so your body doesn’t end up having an overabundance of certain ones. Eating a lot of cruciferous vegetables also helps with this. There are also many supplements that can help during perimenopause to avoid bioidentical hormones or being put on the pill.
If you want more info visit this link: http://femalehormonefix.com
Thank you for this post. I went to my doctor either last month or the month before due to a sharp pain I’d never experienced before. Turns out it was most likely my ovaries, maybe even a ruptured cyst? She mentioned peri menopause but said I was probably too young. I’m 44. After reading your post, I have to wonder if I’m actually entering into the stage. My moods don’t seem too out there and my periods are still pretty regular, however this year they did fluctuate between 23-28 days (gotta love that app – that was easy to see). Several things are making me wonder though. I get hot a lot more than I used to, but I kind of wondered if my weight had anything to do with that. I’m getting a lot more forgetful (Alzheimers runs in the family so I wonder if I’m headed in that direction too?) and I have been getting so weepy lately, and often at nothing in particular (I have nothing for that). Anyway, thank you for the article.
Perimenopause is totally 44! Absolutely. I have HORRIBLE pain with ovulation every month. It’s quite common. And it feels AWFUL. My doctor said antihistamines actually work well because it’s almost like the fallopian tubes are producing too many histamines, which is what causes the irritation.
I want to hug you! I’m 36 and have had ovulation pain all my menstuating life. After my second pregnancy at 29, the pain for much worse! My doctor can find no reason for it. Essential oil blends for pms helped for a while, but maca root capsules have been the best help!
I hate for anyone to go through this pain also, but knowing I’m not alone is a blessing! Thank you!
Great article! I’ve discovered some positive things about Perimenopause (yes, seriously!!) I’m 52 and for the first time in my life, I know why I get in “moods”. Before, when I was in my 30’s and younger, I would get moody (either grumpy or sad) and didn’t know why. Now, since the symptoms are so much stronger, I can simply look at the calendar and know what’s coming in a couple of days. Knowing what is causing me to feel emotional, drained, achy, etc. helps me deal with it. When it was “just” PMS, I wouldn’t make the connection until afterward (amazing, I know). Also, another positive thing is that I’m like clockwork now! I always used to be really messed up…every 32-52 days and it would last 7 days. I could never count on knowing when I’d get my period. Now that I’m older and going through Perimenopause, my hormones are lowering and I’m every 28 days. (Yes, it can still be heavy, but it doesn’t last as long). I laugh and think, “Oh, so THIS is what it is like to be regular!” Anyway, with all the negatives of Peri-menopause, I’m happy to have noticed some positive things!
Thanks for posting this informative article!
Blessings, Joan
I’ve just been diagnosed at Perimenopausal. I’m 35. This came about because over the summer my hair started falling out. I mean FALLING OUT. I was clogging the shower drain once a week. However, I wasn’t finding bald spots. Fatigue was also a BIG factor. Itchy dryness down below was factor as well. As far as my periods, since I’m on birth control that causes that to be infrequent, it’s hard to track that any ways. There were some other factors as well. I had the doctor check my vitamin and mineral levels because that is what first came to mind when my hair started falling out. Everything was find except my vit. D levels. I live in Ohio, I think everyone has a lack of vit. D in their system. LOL Okay, a month of being on extra vit. D and still no change. Now I’m getting what my sister calls cystic pimples and I’m reading about what it means to gets pimples in the different areas of your face. Most of mine are in the area where it’s meaning I have a hormone issue. So I asked my doc to check my hormone levels. BINGO!!! That’s when we find out my levels are super low. It’s at this point I’m asked if my husband and I are done having children. BAM!!! My world just turned upside down. I honestly don’t know. However, I want these symptoms to stop occurring so please help me with them Doc and the man and I will decide on the baby issue in private. In the mean time my husband and I are praying and asking God’s guidance on having another baby. And the hormone therapy is slow to work but it is starting to work. My hair has started to slowly stop falling out and other symptoms have slowed down as well. This is my story. I hope it’s been helpful for someone.
Hi Andrea! I understand exactly what you’re talking about. I was diagnoses as perimenopausal at 38…I am now 47. I had the same symptoms…hair loss, anxiety, painful cramps, etc. I struggled with weight gain and the inability to lose it no matter what I did…we all know the variety of struggles that peri can throw at us. Anyway…I was very fortunate to find a Dr. that fully understands the female hormone adventure and I was started on bio-identical hormone therapy, 5000 units of Vit D, 500 mg of Biotin, a quality multi-vitamin, and DIM (helps metabolize Estrogen better). I almost immediately lost 25 lbs once the hormones were rebalanced and then continued to lose a total of 40. Getting to the same size I was in 9th grade in the middle of perimenopause!!!! Unheard of! Not really, when everything in the body is working properly. The last 9 years have been pretty smooth and because I’ve learned so much about my own body, I can help it by knowing what to adjust and when. This past year is the first time I’ve had to really revamp my hormone therapy in any grand way. I suddenly put on 10 lbs and I was retaining fluid like crazy, let alone my period was really out of wack. Lab work says….WOW! Where did your homnones go. A little tweeking and heading back to balanced and happy land.
Many woman are actually Estrogen Dominate during peri…an imbalance of Estrogen and Progesterone occurs so even if all levels are low…it’s about their balance with one another that matters. The media has made sure we all know that menopause means no more Estrogen, however…peri is more about Progesterone and Testosterone levels (yes as women we need some too!) Not enough Progesterone means weight gain, fluid retention, less quality sleep, premature wrinkles, the list goes on. There are several great books about that can help you find a knowledgeble Dr, know what to ask your Dr., as well as the things you can do yourself. Anything by Dr. Christine Northrup… her books, her videos on youtube, etc. And believe it or not…Suzanne Sommers really knows her stuff too! She has done exhaustive research and shares it in several books as well.
Sadly…there are still physicians (even female Dr) that don’t understand, nor are they properly trained in female endocrinology and hormones. Ask lots of questions, get educated, and don’t take no for an answer. It’s/We are worth the time and energy. Perimenopause can be a 5-15 year adventure and there is help and there are answers. Just keep digging!
PS….as far as fertility, my sister (three kids) had the same Dr. and hormone therapy (and lots of prayer) helped her have her first baby at 35 and her last at 42. If it’s Gods will…it will be.
Wishing you the best!
Thank you for this, Melissa! I’m going to ask my doctor about a lot of what you said, because I think I’m likely just out of balance, too!
I am curious about this Dr?
Dr. Kathy Maupin is her name. She is an obgyn with specialized training in female endocronology and hormone therapy. She is no longer practicing obstetrics, only hormone therapy. Her practice is Balanced Care for Woman in St. Louis, MO. Website is http://www.balancedcareforwoman.com. Every ones body (and case) are different and there are many qualified Dr.’s all over the country that have the same training…it’s just knowing the right questions to ask and then finding them! Best of luck to you.
This was soooo timely for me. Well, actually, maybe a day late: ) Great advice Sheila. Thank you so much for your ministry!!
Just got the book “Jump off the Hormone Swing” and it’s AWESOME – addresses these issues from all perspectives! We all must educate ourselves and seek out good docs because everyone on here saying talk to your doc – really? cause most docs are woefully uneducated on this subject and just want to hand out anti-depressants and lets face it the majority are still MEN who have no clue about what this feels like! Just a fact. Thanks for another great post.
note: I am not saying you shouldn’t talk to a doc at all — just that you may have to see several and do a lot of research on your own to find one that will actually be helpful/listen as hormones are not something covered in depth in most medical schools!
whoops — sorry don’t know how to edit it – Sheila feel free to make this ONE comment 😉 — if you are in the Denver area Dr. Guillory and staff at The Care Group, PC in Aurora is AH MAZING!
8 months in to peri menopausal hell. ugh. I was totally unprepared for it but I have a great Dr. Thanks for talking about this in a real way and not saying…” Look for humor in it, laugh about, joke about it!” Ugh. Not cool! Not funny! I’m looking forward to reading all the comments later.
That actually explains a lot. I just turned 38 and I thought I was way too young for perimenopause. For the last few months, the two weeks leading up to my period I am exhausted, easily irritated, and forgetful. My period has also changed for the worse – heavier and longer. I have always found that if I know WHY my body is acting in a certain undesirable way, I am better able to handle it. So, now, when my emotions are crazy, and my body is exhausted, and I can’t think of my friend’s name, I will be aware that it is my hormones going nuts, and I will be able to deal with it better. I have a doctor appointment soon, so I’ll talk to her about it too. Thank you for this post!
By the way, that also explains the unexplainable bouts of depression I have been dealing with. I have never dealt with depression before, outside of just having had a baby. I now realize that it is directly related to my cycle.
I went to see my Nurse Practioner over the course of a year saying, PLEASE, tell me something is wrong with me!! I was horrible! Mood swings were nasty – and I was a steady Eddy before. Fatigue and mental fog were overwhelming. My NP kept running test but found nothing, eventually she gave me a card to see Mental Health 🙁 Lovely. As a last ditch attempt, i went to see a Naturopath. Thank God for her! She explained perimenopause and gave me supplements – Estrosense to regulate the hormones and Multiglyco to regulate blood sugar levels, as well as thyroid to boost that. The results are like night and day!
yep – most allopathic docs aren’t willing to deviate from the lab test numbers rather than really looking at how you feel, your symptoms! Glad you found someone! (I had my gp tell me that my hormone levels were “consistent with my age” I wanted to smack him!)
thank you for your share Helga about Estrosense and Multiglyco, after years of trying to many things, I’ll see if this combo makes this hell more tolerable
thank you
T
Your just too hilarious.my question how do u know when its hormones or the H-s! It’s not always all over the place. Brain farts! Good one.
Here’s me thinking “I’m I the only one feeling this way?”. I thought it wouldn’t happen to me, when I’m a little younger I seldom feel the thing they called PMS on my period. But as i get older I can’t focus on my daily do’s and get depress at night. The irritability hit me any time of the day and all the negative thoughts on the entire day. At that time, I can’t barely sleep that I need an extra cup of l-theanine tea . After reading this, I think I can cope more on this stage of my life.
It’s a dang nightmare for some of us. What is this 4 day period you speak of? I’ve never experienced anything shorter than 7 days in my life! And a week before my cycle, I am literally suicidal and NOTHING has helped 🙁 It’s horrible. And hemorrhaging is no joke. Again, nothing has helped. Hysterectomy is next but that won’t help my hormonal issues. And no sex drive. I’m a walking disaster. Sigh… Every month I end up asking for prayer to survive it.
Have you tried supplements? A homeopathic approach or a naturopath? Try googling “eating for your cycle” as well. I’ve tried all these things and it does help. A thyroid supplement is good as well as taking Vitamin B for moods….I obviously can prescribe, but I also take a hormone balance supplement. These things all help – not that it removes all symptoms, but it makes life do-able! You CAN get help!!
Yes, I’m on a very restrictive diet and it doesn’t help. I’ve tried supplements, vitamins, birth control, antidepressants… Nothing has helped. I’ve been dealing with this since my cycle started at 12. The only break I got was when I was pg and for about 6-8 months after the birth of my four babies while I was nursing. So basically I’ve been dealing with this for 27 years 🙁
When I started menopause I didn’t know that it was happening because I had had my uterus removed in a partial hysterectomy in my late 30s. It was so frightening to not know WHEN I was in menopause. So I didn’t know.
Then several years ago I started to feel so badly about myself, angry at others for the slightest thing, like I was a complete failure as a person, wife, mother, and I would cry for hours without much provocation. It terrified me that I was just becoming a horrible person.
I went to a Christian counselor and, quite frankly, she didn’t help me at all with some of the issues I was dealing with so I stopped going. Then I read an article online by a woman who was going through menopause and realized she was also describing ME. It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t becoming someone that I didn’t want to be for the rest of my life yet couldn’t seem to help it. I went to my wonderful doctor and she tested me and said that, yes, I was menopausal. She put me on lexapro to help with the craziness and by my request gave me a prescription for a bioidentical progesterone creme that has helped me tremendously. I only wish I had gone to the doctor sooner so I could have prevented all those horrible days and nights of feeling like I was the worst person ever.
I wish there was more information out there for women who have had a partial hysterectomy and what to look for to know you are entering menopause.
Still trying to work through the others issues associated with all of this but hopefully can see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Couple things: emotional times are complicated because this season coincides with mid-life “introspection” (not crisis). 😉 Therefore, I’m never really sure if the strong feelings originate with hormonal fluctuations or real life situations like dealing with empty nest,aging parents, second careers, to name only a few. And maybe we are mature enough now to face our emotions when they arise rather than stifle them down. Just not sure; can’t ever nail down and confirm the situation to match the time of month. Smooth months go by and then an issue is blamed on hormonal women…don’t think so.
Also, MENSTRUAL CUP. If you don’t have one, get one! Goodbye tampons forever.
Days before? I feel crazy for the two weeks post ovulation and first couple days of my actual period! Yeah, that’s half the time. Not fun. I tried birth control pills to level out hormones, that made it worse (PMS EVERY DAY!).
Food and diet can effect peri/PMS. I stopped drinking caffeine can tell a difference when I slip in my emotions. Foos Vitamin C and foods that food stress with added cortisol help as well.
I don’t know if what I’m going through is perimenopause or mid- life crisis (introspection), but I have changed so much these last few years!! I am only 38. There have only been a few physical symptoms- sometimes I get migraines with my period, which I never had before. And my period tends to be a little heavier than before. It seems to almost stop in the middle & then start again. And I have lost 10 pounds without trying to. But emotionally, I feel like I am losing it sometimes!! I have become anxious and I often feel depressed and moody. And very negative and hopeless at times. Things that I used to take in stride will make me so mad now!! I went from this passive, easy-going pleaser type person to someone who is internally shouting- don’t push me around!! I get upset over little things and I don’t want to put up with other people’s craziness anymore. I don’t want to be used by others. I feel like I am trying to gain some control over my life and stand up for what I need and want for the first time in my life. Sometimes my feelings make perfect sense to me, and other times I feel like I must be going crazy!! My husband feels like he is married to a different person now. I don’t know how to explain this transition. Do you think it could be part of perimenopause? I have always had moodiness before my period, and still do, but this is something completely different… I am wondering if I should see my doctor, or if this is just a transition period that some people go through in life. Please someone tell me that they can relate, and that I am not going crazy!!
I have been going through this since age 30 and no one believes be, not even doctors. I’m only 33. I started researching after I turned 30 and discovered this. I tried meds and they only worsened it. I started taking herbs and they helped a lot. I recently started taking Plexus. I wish I would have had it a couple years back. It has been amazing help!