In Which I Messed Up

I’ve had one of those weird weeks where a whole bunch of things have collided and reinforced the same message.

Exhibit A: In which I realize I’m naive

A few months ago I was asked to participate in a marriage summit. A whole bunch of speakers talking about how to make your relationship better. I thought it sounded like a good idea, and I asked the organizer what the topics would be to make sure that there’d be no “pro-porn” messages or anything like that. It sounded like it was all pretty good–kind of Dr. Laura or Dr. Phil type of marriage advice. Common sense and perfectly fine, even if not overtly Christian.

Anyway, I recorded my segment, in which I explained what REAL intimacy was, and how harmful porn was, and all kinds of other good things that the secular world especially needs to hear.

But I made the mistake of advertising the summit in my marriage newsletter. Then I started to realize what other people were advocating–erotica and other weird stuff–and I felt just awful. I sent another email out warning my marriage subscribers to stay away. From now on I’ll only advertise Christian stuff. Lesson learned.

Perhaps the bigger thing I needed to see, though, was how naive I am. I often assume that EVERYBODY understands the stuff I say. It  just seems like common sense to me. And yet the vast majority of our society has absolutely no idea how to build an intimate marriage. Here were so called marriage experts advocating stuff that wouldn’t increase intimacy; it would only detract from it. And that’s what the majority of the world believes.

Exhibit B: In which I realize how much 12-13-year-olds are exposed to porn

This one is just so sad. An amazing article recently appeared in the Daily Mail by a guy who used to run a “soft-core” magazine. He now has a 4-year-old son, and he was involved in making a documentary about the effects of porn on teen brains. What he saw scared him to death. And he realized how much young teens know about porn and sex from the internet. They know words that HE didn’t even know the meaning of. They’re watching not just “regular” sex, but truly disgusting stuff, because it’s so readily available. And it’s really warping them. It’s honestly a great read, and a whole bunch of readers sent me the link this week. If you haven’t seen it, read it. And then remember not to let your teens have computers in their bedrooms! And get an internet accountability program.

Exhibit C: In which I realize how much teens’ sexuality is now messed up

Now pair that article with this one that’s even more horrifying. It’s written by a therapist who treats young kids who have porn addictions. Usually they’re exposed to porn inadvertently, and soon they become addicts, seeking it out and leaving all their friends by the wayside. It’s truly sad. And kids have such a higher risk of becoming addicts than adults do.

Let’s put those three things together. Basically, our society has lost any idea of what intimacy really is. And it scares me. What is going to happen to the next generation? Even reading the comments on these articles is sad, because most people don’t think there’s anything wrong with porn.

We are fighting a battle here. And we should never forget how messed up most people are when it comes to forming healthy relationships. We in the church are messed up, too, but at least we have something–and someONE–to point us to the truth and to call us towards something pure. The rest of the world doesn’t. And we need to be lights. We need to keep speaking up. We need to make our own marriages work so that people can see there’s a difference, and that real love is still possible.

But we also need to be on our guard, because a lot of what passes for good marriage advice today is totally off. I learned that this week, and I hope I’m a little less naive now.

Just Fun Stuff

Okay, on a totally different note, and to make you smile, here’s a test you can take: Is it modern art or painted by toddlers? Can you tell the difference? I got 7/11. What about you?

Just Free Stuff

Like free stuff? Here’s a website where you can find free stuff, like samples from companies, etc. etc. And right now they’re doing a draw for one of those yummy Keurig coffee maker thingies! Check it out.


I totally believe this:

Couple Laugh Together - How I Messed Up--and Some Great Weekend Links!

Have a great weekend!