Today’s guest post is from Julie Sibert, who blogs at Intimacy in Marriage. I LOVE that she wrote this and sent it to me to publish. See what you think:
It’s the annual “Have You Thanked Your Marriage Blogger” Day!
Well, not really. I just made that up.
It’s actually just another day in the world of being a marriage blogger. Below are seven insights on what that looks like. (I imagine my fellow marriage bloggers, including Sheila, are nodding in agreement).
1. I am passionate about what I do.
Otherwise, I just wouldn’t do it. Seriously. Wouldn’t do it, because it is tireless work. Heart-wrenching work. Actual work. Time-consuming work. BUT, I stay the course because I care about you and your marriage. I genuinely do. I’m not trying to be a martyr about it. I just want you to understand the depth of the passion behind it.
(Sheila says: Totally agree! Grew up in a single parent family. Watched divorce hit so many of my extended family–including impacting the kids. Positive change for our communities starts with families staying stronger.)
2. I want to respond to every comment and email.
I just can’t. Sometimes because the opportunity to have sex with my husband presents itself and who really is going to choose the email inbox over making love? Not me. Too much irony… you know, throwing my own marriage under the bus while I try to save others. Not a good approach.
Other times I get really delayed in following up on comments and emails simply because I am not indispensible. I have kids who need to get to baseball practice, an empty fridge that needs to be filled, dog puke that has to be cleaned up, and bills that have to be paid. You get the picture.
My life looks a lot like your life. Messy.
All that being said, I GREATLY appreciate when you take the time to comment or email me. And my heart is always that I want to respond…. and sometimes I actually do!
(Sheila says: You betcha! You wouldn’t believe what I’m doing today and tomorrow. I’ll show you–with pictures and maybe video highlights–later this week. But it’s personal, not professional, related!)
3. I’m not greedy if I occasionally find a way to make money from my blog.
I know we all are a bit skeptical about offers and products that come from our favorite bloggers. And for some reason, when a blogger begins to make money from their online presence, people begin to question their character.
The reality is, though, that being a blogger actually costs money. I spend money regularly on hosting fees, computer programs and equipment, all to actually give you something for free. So, if I make a little money from an eBook or an affiliate product or something else I believe in, please try to see it as a way that helps me keep giving you what you want… free blog posts that may help you heal or strengthen your marriage.
(Sheila notes: My costs at this point for this blog and for my assistants are over $10,000 a year. So that’s why I have ads! 🙂 )
4. I am regularly asked to promote stuff that doesn’t jive with my beliefs.
Most ethical marriage bloggers, myself included, must weed through a bunch of requests. I am asked to review books, promote other posts and websites, sell stuff – and much of it just doesn’t jive with what I believe from a Christian standpoint.
When I find the stuff that does resonate with me, I try to pass that along because I care about your marriage. You are worth this kind of discernment and time on my part.
(Sheila says: That’s why I have a “Dear Weird Internet Marketers…” feature on Facebook. Some of the things I get asked to tell you about are truly ODD).
5. I am regularly asked for insight on things I haven’t personally experienced.
I am always humbled by the emails I get where someone courageously pours out their story to me. Sometimes those stories are from people in marriages suffering intensely under the weight of porn addiction, infidelity, abuse, manipulation and depression.
I take all of this seriously, even though some of the circumstances are things I have never personally experienced. Obviously, I keep all these email conversations in confidence. I share this with you to offer you a glimpse of what happens behind the scenes of being a marriage blogger.
As much heart as I pour into the writing that you do see, there equally is as much of my heart going into privately pointing people toward resources. You wouldn’t believe some of the sadness happening behind closed doors. Maybe even in your own neighborhood. Likely even within marriages in your own church, workplace or circle of friends.
6. My own marriage is far from perfect.
I blog about sex. I know that some people think that because sexual intimacy is a mutually held value between my husband and I, that we can’t possibly have any other marriage struggles. Oh. How. I. Wish.
Truth is we are like any other married couple. We are real. We disagree, disappoint each other and struggle with many of the same things you likely do… finances, parenting, in-laws, home projects and full calendars.
Personally, though, I think the realness in my own marriage is what makes it possible for me to be a marriage blogger. Readers like yourself want to know you’re not in it alone, right? There are other people out there like you, navigating the ups and downs of matrimony. I’m one of those other people.
7. It helps to hear “thank you” every now and then.
Nothing blesses me more than when I get an email or comment from a reader who genuinely says thanks. If even one piece of insight from your favorite marriage blogger has helped your marriage, please know that when you say “thanks,” that gives us all encouragement to keep doing what we’re doing.
Sure, there’s no such thing as an annual “Have You Thanked Your Marriage Blogger” Day. But if there were, what would you say?
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband, their two boys and one rambunctious German Shorthair Pointer dog who refuses to stay in the fence.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Thank you Sheila. Your blog has been so helpfuly in the last few months since I found it.
Agreed. Thank you for your hard work! As an abuse survivor, I have found specific info on your blog and in your books that I had been searching for my entire life. It is so difficult to find help with something so personal. There are some questions you simply cannot ask your girlfriends, and if you don’t have good family resources or mentors available, it is very difficult!
I once read a “Christian” self help book which stated that the problems I was having (as a direct result of childhood abuse) were my own fault because I did not trust God enough. I was devastated, and ashamed because of what I perceived to be my own failure. The truth is, some physical reactions, even those God created for a beautiful purpose, can be retrained by men’s depravity, and it may take a lifetime to retrain them. That is in no way the fault of an abuse victim, but it is something that must be dealt with and worked on for the good of my self and my marriage.
Thanks for all you do to help people like me create more and better intimacy in our marriages!
All of this is so true! These are things you really don’t know until you start blogging. I also find my heart goes out to those with heart-wrenching struggles. But I know that if my heart is broken over these issues, God’s heart is aching for His precious children too. I honestly believe that God wants us to have thriving marriages, and He will walk with us as we learn how to make that happen.
Keep doing what you do, Julie & Sheila. And a huge thanks from me because you have inspired me to become a better blogger and, more importantly, a better wife.
Thanks for making it clear these are some of the same ides that I have.
Completely agree! So thankful for your honesty and knowledge in the important subject areas you choose to attack. They make me a better blogger and wife.
Alecia recently posted…That Same Old Fight
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I am so glad you (and others) share your insights with others.
May God bless you!
A Happy Hubby
Yep! Well said, Julie. So true. Thank you Sheila for inviting Julie to write for you. And thank you both for your terrific marriage blogs.
Patty Newbold recently posted…A Different Sort of Marriage Book
I have just found these marriage blogs in the last 6 months! It just seems like marriages are falling apart all around me 🙁 My parents did not have a good marriage & I was/am determined to!!! THANK YOU JUST ISN’T ENOUGH!!!! I SEE EVERYTHING SO DIFFERENT NOW! My marriage has never been bad but now it is the BEST EVER! :). These blogs have made a difference in my life!!!!! GOD BLESS YOU ALL WHO SHARE YOUR WISDOM….KEEP IT COMING!!!! BLESSING!!!!
Right on Julie (and Sheila)! I so appreciate what both of you bring to the marriage blogging community!
Scott recently posted…Reclaiming the Marriage Culture
Wohoo I love this post Julie and am amen-ing every point! And I really believed you when you said it’s the annual “Have You Thanked Your Marriage Blogger” Day ..lol.
Thanks for sharing these thoughts.
Sheila, am gasping at the figure ($10,000! ) Thanks for putting it out here, i think many readers don’t understand some of these finer details. This kind of clarity helps!
I just want you all (marriage bloggers) to know that I am very thankful with what you have done here. I am an asian living in asia where people just don’t talk about these kind of things. Noone taught me how to become a woman and wife (inside family or church). I used to view sex as something dirty, something that we have to avoid. Noone show me the act of affection. But your blog has changed my life. I am embracing the beauty of sex and marriage like what God intended me to do. I am so lucky that I found this blog in my early of marriage.
Once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you Sheila and others marriage blogger. GBU!!
I’m with you on the “My Marriage is Far from Perfect”….I do have a great marriage, but there are some areas about which my husband has actually said, “You write all these great things about marriage, but you’re not doing X”. Ouch. We need to remember that people write (generally) because they have a passion, but perfection is just an illusion.
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Thanks to you both! Love this…and I tried to link over to Julie’s website and unable. Hope it will be up and running soon…Thanks again to you both!!
kim vanderpoel recently posted…At times life doesn’t make sense…
I’ll throw another hearty THANK YOU to Sheila! You have helped me enormously over the last two years and had it not been for you, I’d likely be divorced by now. Opposite World(as Courtney from WomenLivingWell.org calls it) says I’m definitely justified if I chose divorce after discovering my husbands infidelity, as does God. It was your post regarding children and divorce that convinced me to stay and try to make our marriage better. We aren’t where we need to be yet, but we are getting there, one day at a time! So thank you again!
I huge shout out of appreciation for marriage bloggers upholding marriage. That seems simple, but marriage isn’t the cornerstone in societies eyes. Thank you, not only Julie and Sheila, but to the others who are putting huge effort into sharing how marriage can be made better through the Bible’s truth.
Bonny Pearl recently posted…Sex Drive Transformation: Week 22
Thanks Sheila for sharing this post. I totally agree with her 100%!
Jennifer Sikora recently posted…So — What Are You Waiting For?
I couldn’t agree more, Julie and Sheila! I LOVED this! I truly do weep for my readers who are struggling. My heart breaks for all that they are going through….and that’s why I continue in the minister, that and the fact that Jesus has called me here. It’s all for Him. To all Marriage bloggers- keep going!
Jolene @ The Alabaster Jar recently posted…5 Steps to an Awesome Marriage…& a Link-Up!
Thank you!
hello I am writing from Australia I am a Christian a male and a husband who has been married to my wife going on 18 yrs I have been following Julie for a few yrs now and she an amazing writer I want to thank Julie and you Sheila for the work you do. I as a Christian male struggle at times following your blog and or commenting as I worry that as male I shouldn’t be on here but you have helped me and crushed that myth that its wrong to talk about sex and intimacy in marriage as a Christian my marriage has been a very hard struggle namely in the area of intimacy and sex but also health and the fact my wife is disabled but in the last yr I have fallen in love with her all over again and live in the love and hope things will improve in the area of intimacy anyway thank you both for your wonderful work and what you do .