Hi all!
I think I need to issue an apology to my readers.
About six months ago or so I thought I’d start a Reader Question of the Week, where I post a question from a reader, and then let you all go at it. I don’t have time to answer all the emails that come in, so when I get a variety of emails about a particular topic, I thought it might be nice to give you all a chance to answer. I’m pressed for time, and it seemed like a good idea for a weekly feature.
In the last few months, though, these posts have caused me a considerable amount of stress because often the comments get nasty. Commenters start accusing other commenters of things; they make assumptions that aren’t warranted; and they just plain are not gracious to each other.
And often the advice that is given is really hurtful.
Yesterday, for instance, I posted about a woman who had gained 25 pounds since her kids were born, and her husband now doesn’t find her attractive. One of the comments said that gaining 25 pounds was sinful, and she was defrauding her husband.
I attempted to deflect this by writing an update, but I can just imagine how hurtful that comment was to read by women who are really struggling with their weight.
This is just the latest in a series of problems on these posts. A few weeks ago I had to delete about 35 comments from the thread because a disagreement broke out over what submission was–and basically one man was arguing that women have no right to ask anything of their husbands, because their husbands are the leaders.
Again, I can just imagine how hurtful that was to read by a woman who was genuinely hurting in her marriage.
So I am suspending the Reader Questions. I had already decided yesterday, after seeing the direction of the comments. I talked to my assistant about it and she agreed. And then today I received several emails about it, emails talking about how hurtful those comments were.
Quite frankly, I don’t want my blog to become a place where people can leave comments that are hurtful to others. I want it to be a place where people can hear good thoughts and good advice, and it seems that I can’t trust people to do that.
So instead, on Saturdays, I’m going to post one of my Facebook graphics from the week, along with links to older articles you may have missed that address that issue.
Here’s a graphic I posted yesterday, for instance:
I think that’s a little more helpful.
I just want to say I’m sorry. It was not a wise thing to open up the comments to people’s questions. I thought I could trust readers to be kind and gracious, and obviously I was wrong. I am sorry for rubbing salt into any wounds, and I don’t want to give people a forum to do that anymore.
I guess we learn as we blog. Please forgive me, and I’ll try to be more helpful from now on!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Thank you.
Wow! I cannot believe how cruel women are to each other. and adult women too! Can you please just change the settings on Facebook and your web page to where others can either NOT comment or do the pre-approved comments? That’s a simple setting to adjust. Many of us enjoy your weekly reader question and why should you stop posting about that and letting the cruel ladies win?
The problem is I’d have to moderate ALL comments, and often I’m not home on the weekends. I don’t think you can set moderate just on a particular post; I’d have to turn the whole blog to moderate, and at any one time I’m getting most of my comments on old posts, not on the current one, because most people are showing up on older posts. I think I may post a reader question and then put my response, so at least I’m setting the tone, instead of letting other people do it. If others have thoughts on this, by all means leave them, but I’ve tried deleting vast swaths of comments, or sticking some of the worst infractions on moderate, but it still gets too difficult. I’d like to be able to take weekends off, and if I have to moderate all the time then it just gets really time consuming.
Also, it’s not all women. 🙂 It seems men and women are equally difficult to each other. 🙂
You should be able to take time off just as the rest of us do, you need uninterrupted time with your family and you need down time just for yourself. If necessary just don’t post on the weekends, we will not die or quit looking at your blog. It is nice when they are there but time away is necessary also. Do what is best for you and your family.
I do thank you for putting a stop to the comments, you are right they were out of hand and just hurtful. You would think that we would be able to sift through the comments and give them the credit due to them (good or bad), if you are the one struggling with that problem it does become more difficult and some people have just been beat down so much that they may not be able to put aside the unkind remarks. Maybe at a later time you will figure out a better way to deal with this type of thing but until then you do what you see fit to set the tone for your posts.
By the way, I do enjoy your posts and the advice you give and how it makes you think about things differently and how you can make changes in your own life by looking at things a little different.
I agree that the questions have brought up lots of good conversations in our home. Perhaps they would be better to run on weekdays?
Or maybe you could post your thoughts on 5-10 questions per week and disable the comments on that particular post?
Here, let me tell you how to run your blog…. 🙂
I’m so sorry you had to do that. 🙁 But I think your decision is wise. Please forgive US.
You are an incredibly gracious woman.
I’m sorry you have to deal with weeding out all those hurtful comments. It may be that you’re the one who posted the question, but it was other people’s choice to say what they did. One of the things I dislike about the Internet is that it makes it easy for people to say cruel, mean, and rude things under the guise of anonymity. Even on my little blog I’ve had nasty comments that I’ve had to delete (which was when I disabled the “anonymous” comment feature).
I think it’s a shame that people start aiming jabs at each other when the purpose of your posts was for people to help and encourage one another. We live in a sinful world, however, and that will happen anywhere–even on such an encouraging and helpful blog as this is.
I hope that discontinuing the feature will cut down on the opportunity for people to say mean things around here. I also hope you can continue to help those people who email you with questions!
Also, you’re forgiven. 🙂
Some of the comments really bothered me, too, as I am 45 pounds overweight. I couldn’t sleep at night thinking about how I must be repulsive to my husband (and God, for that matter) even though my husband tells me I’m hot everyday. It was not your fault, though, Shiela – there are people with different viewpoints and feel the internet is the safest place for them to say anything that’s on their mind. I understand your decision, though, and support you all the way!
Your husband is the only one that matters! And sexy is as sexy does! NOBODY has the same body as they age as they did at 21, and the fact that our society only appreciates a certain type of body means that our society is sick.
I was hoping that women who understand the issue of weight could encourage one another–and many, many did. But there was also a lot of ugliness, which is so unfortunate.
I am sorry for causing you grief yesterday. Thank you for being gracious to me in return!
Michelle, trust me, if you husband says you’re hot then you are. And God is not concerned with your hotness, He is concerned with your relationship with you. He loves you, you do not repulse God or your husband. Please do not lose sleep over these type of things. Sheila is right our society is sick when we think that everyone has to have the same body type. Does that mean that since I had a partial mastectomy this week that I am repulsive and not sexy anymore? NO, NOT AT ALL. My husband is happy that I am going to be cancer free and healthy after more treatment. My breasts now are misshapen and not the pretty things that they were before and so I do not fit into the perfect shape that society thinks I need to be. Oh well, life goes on and I know that my husband is happy and my God loves me just as I am. You are loved and blessed and don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise, we all come in different shapes and sizes.
Wow. Your encouragement is nothing short of impressive. Dealing with a surgery like that just this week, and yet using the experience to bring encouragement to others? How wonderful to share your story in a way to spread the truth of Gods love and glorify Him. Praying for you tonight that your recovery is quick and health is restored. Thank you for your example!
Thank you for sharing Gwen!! I appreciate your encouragement, and am always encouraged by you too, Sheila, no matter what other people may say!
So true! I wish we could all believe and internalize the scripture that describes the “virtuous woman.” After listing all the amazing qualities of this woman, the scripture says, “Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)
If only we all could remember that popularity and what the world tells us is beauty are transitory, fleeting, and insignificant. A woman who loves God is a woman who truly has value and inner beauty.
It’s really sad that things had to come to this, you are very wise and I think you are doing the right thing…I love your posts,thank you for sharing!
When something causes more stress than it should to you and readers, reevaluation and adjustment is needed. I agree that you are a gracious woman. I also feel that we should be supporting each other rather than tearing them down…..
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I believe you did the right thing Sheila. 🙂
Bless you Sheila.
I’ve actually used some of those anonymous extreme comments in my speaking preparations, to help point out imbalance and what to avoid, so in some ways they helped me. I never took it personally to refer badly on you as your answers were always so gracious, but even now I’m learning from your decision to avoid stirring up strife and division.. You’re a blessing. Thank you for your ministry.
Ha! That’s awesome. I should go back and comb through some and get them!
That would definitely provide lots more topics to write about! haha.
It’s very sad that people are making hurtful comments without knowing all the facts. I know this was a hard decision to make, but I believe it is the right one.
I am very overweight, and had to deal with my own mom putting me down for my weight. God and my present husband has made me see myself through my husband’s eyes – as a very desirable and sexy woman. I am so blessed that God sent such a supportive husband.
Good call. Moderating all the comments would become a full time job in of itself.
I read some of those comments and I was like WOW! What you thought was a good idea turned out badly. That’s just the way it goes sometimes, no need to apologize. The haters are the ones who owe an apology.
Hi Sheila,
What a shame.
You couldn’t have known that there would be people leaving such hurtful comments. It’s kind to give people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they will be kind and gracious. It shows your heart for people and women. Better that than expect and assume people will be hurtful.
I admire your desire to protect women from any more unnecessary pain.
I greatly admire your desire and commitment to your family & marriage to want to take weekends off, too.
…Lisa
Sheila, your response to her question was excellent.
There is so much BAD advice out there, I think suspending the reader comments was the right call. People can get hurt.
I can testify that this has been an issue troubling Sheila now for a few months. The thing about it is this, sometimes as believers and non-believers alike, we think we need to die on the hill of being right…and in the process, we tear and bite at the body of Christ. Often, we feel the freedom of non-face-to-face confrontation as a license to go for the jugular. As John says, little children this should not be so, love one another!
I have to say that above all I LOVE Sheila’s heart for all of you. She is here to help and edify and encourage–yes, even speak the truth in love, sometimes that truth is hard for her to speak and for us to receive, but it is biblical. I love how she loves.
Sheila, this is a great move, dear friend. I think you have no need to apologize. It’s like apologizing for rude company in your home…the apology is on them to give out. Their actions have spoken volumes. Love to you! Holly
I so agree. Sheila, you’re wonderful, and you always have been! You have no reason to apologize. It’s true that people are so very mean spirited on the internet, because they’re protected behind their computer screen.
Thank you so much, Sheila.
Thank you, Holly, my wonderful, lovely friend and assistant! (She’s always there whenever I’m having a mini-breakdown or something! 🙂 )
I’m glad you decided to stop. But I will have you know those questions have caused my husband and I to have so many good discussions. Even when this one was posted. We’ve talked out specifics on what nagging means to him, how to approach each other with sensitive issues, and how not to be “that spouse” many times because of reader questions and the crappy responses to those readers. I would read them and be so mad that I would huff and say “you know that marriage blog I read?” and he knew we were in for a quick talk. Lol
Great thoughts. I enjoyed your ‘blog’ but I never read the comments. Just don’t seem to want to get into the nick picking business. Your facebook picture was great. Keep up the good work.
Sheila,
So sorry the reader questions did not work out. But I think you made the right decision to suspend it. This whole thing just shows me that there are a lot of hurting people out there. Keep helping us & our marriages! Praying for you!
Psalms 119:165 Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.
Matthew 24:10 And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another.
Jeremiah 17:5 Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from the Lord.
When I read comments I ask myself by who’s Authority is the writer using as their answer, if it doesn’t line up with the word of God, it means nothing to me
Hey Sheila:
I think that was a wise decision. So many people come from different faiths, persuasions, opinions, hurts, and mentalities. As the moderator, it can be time-consuming to facilitate and as you said very stressful. It can become a distraction from the important stuff. You have an awesome site and I think you can do so many other things as you have already done with that time.
Continue to do a great job because I know you’re touching the lives of individuals. Also, I know it wasn’t your intention to hurt others. From what you promote on your site, you want to help others. You’re a blessing to us married folk, so keep encouraging us! 🙂
God Bless,
Tiffany Godfrey
I am shocked about how insensitive some people can be towards each other. One thing is to give constructive criticism, but its a whole other problem when we tear each other down. I guess some people don’t understand the difference.
In other news, I love your blog and the advice found on here. I often looks at your posts and give them over to my husband to read.
Thanks for all your insight!
Hello Sheila,
I’m also sorry that you had to do this. Such is the drawback of open forums. It’s astonishing how rude people can be when it’s anonymous, saying things they’d never dare to say in person. I wonder if you’ve had to deal with trolls as well. I’ve participated in online forums since the newsgroup days in the 1990’s and the rudeness then was just as bad. How hard is it to graciously disagree? Too hard it seems. Again I’m sorry that a potentially valuable resource for hurting people had to be shut down.
Sheila,
I’m sad that this is the reality, but I’ve read through enough of the comments when you post reader’s questions to know that you’re right. Once I tried to deflect some of the harsh judgements coming through but it didn’t seem to do much good. I’m glad you’ve decided to protect your readers from judgmental and condemning comments . It’s just sad that “we” treat each other that way.
I’ve admired your courage for the things you write on this site. For your ability to withstand the ridiculous criticism that you receive. I’m pretty confident in what I believe, but I think I’d quit writing if my message was bringing me so much ridicule.(Please don’t get any ideas about quitting… I know you tossed it around a while ago.) I know it can be hard for you. I want you to know that I pray for you personally. I know that you are helping people with one of today’s most pressing needs. I pray that God will show you what He is doing through you, and that he would give you the perspective that would allow you to simply disregard the unfounded and mean things that people say to you.
Keep up the good work.
Sheila,
I totally understand, agree with and support your decision. I recently left a Facebook Group that was for consultants with my home-based business because of this very thing… people were making mean-spirited & ugly comments – and personally attacking people they don’t even know (other than another Facebook user on the same group) over a difference of opinion on something.
Thank you for taking a stand and calling out the behavior that was hurtful, wrong – and let’s face it – sinful, in light of what God’s Word instructs us in terms of how we are to use our tongues!!
Love your blog and your willingness to be real and upfront with us! Thanks so much for your ministry!!
I certainly understand where you are coming from. I’d even encourage not allow anonymous commenters, if someone has to give some name, they do tend to be more polite. Nonetheless, I’m glad you are following your own conscience. That’s really important and so uncommon in today’s world.
Rachael, I do know what you’re saying about anonymous comments. The problem is that my blog is so sensitive, and often really hurting people come here with advice (or to give advice) and need to be anonymous. For instance, I’ve had a lot of pastor’s wives come on here asking for advice about their husbands using porn, etc. So I need to allow anonymous comments for their sake. And the problem is that it’s a global setting. So I think it’s just easier not to allow a free-for-all in the reader question. I agree that not allowing anonymous comments would likely help, but unfortunately I don’t know a feasible way of doing that without wrecking another area of the blog! 🙂
I am so sad to see this part of your blog leave. I have recently started following you and I look forward to this portion of your blog. I never comment because it is not my place to judge or state anything because we all go through things in our marriage and lives. However maybe you can still keep this section of your blog alive and eliminate the ability to leave comments??? It’s always good to know that there are other women going through similar situations; some are more confident and willing to share their stories and ask for advice than others are. Just a suggestion
You are a good woman, Sheila. <3 God uses you to bless us all.
I think from now on I'm going to ignore people who leave hurtful comments. Something I was told is that getting upset over what people say on the internet is pointless, because most people are jerks under the guise of anonymity; and arguing with people on the internet is pointless, because most people won't change their minds! It will help ME stress a lot less if I just ignore comments like that, not just here but anywhere on the internet. It will be difficult but maybe we can freeze them away, like warts. (That's how you get rid of warts, right?)
Amen! Great decision. I come here to be encouraged, to gain insight, to learn some new tricks to make life better….I left yesterday feeling broken and hurting. I didn’t send that original email, but it could’ve been me. Thank you for following the leading of the Lord and caring for so many! Great job!
Beth, I’m so sorry that you left yesterday feeling so hurt. I’m glad you’re still here! I’ll try to write a follow-up post on what I think is a more balanced approach to the whole issue at some point soon, but again, I do apologize for allowing a forum that was so hurtful. I wasn’t checking the comments since yesterday early afternoon, and lots just got through that I didn’t see until tonight.
You do a wonderful job! I’m excited to read your site daily. Praying for you as you work through this sad situation of people being so willing to hurt others. Thank you for everything you do!
Sheila,
I love your blog, and it has been very helpful to me. It is too bad people have to ruin something that could be very positive and helpful to others.
Wow that is so disheartening.the Lord calls us to lift each other up and encourage each other.the Lord is wanting to use each and every one of us to demonstrate his love and compassion for people and how can he do that if people are commenting with words anger like that. It is truly disappointing that people totally lack compassion for people who are struggling. The Bible says that the greatest commandment is love. Love people! Dont put each other down! Nothing good comes out of negative comments. Its simple. Love each other.
As Maggie said, the questions of the week have made for good conversation at our house. but this weekend I told my husband that I would have to stop given the ugliness in some of the comments. Since your blog is the only one I follow,I didn’t want to quit reading it.
But I agree that you are doing the right thing now.
I think you are a great resource for hurting women.I was always a bit puzzled why men were drawn to what seemed to me to be a womens site.
That’s always puzzled me too.
I completely agree Anonymous,
But we both like Sheila and what she is doing with her blog to minister to her readers. Some issues are tough issues and deserve thoughtful responses on both sides of the issues. Unfortunately, feelings get hurt way too easy, and a more defined truth is lost at the expense of the exception. We all understand there are exceptions in life, health and spiritual things, but if one wants a fair discussion they must be willing to apply what is said to the majority and not focus so much attention on the exception.
Again, Sheila walks a difficult line trying to keep discussions flowing and healthy. Keep trying to be fair, balanced and always seeking God’s truth.
The exceptions are incredibly important. A lot of hurt can be caused by generalizations, and it does very little good to say that people are oversensitive, especially when its difficult to gage what the minority and the majority even are, as I think we tend to think “the majority of people are like me.” Continuing to marginalize already marginalized people isn’t going to help, and general, majority advice is really only helpful for one particular group too.
I’m starting to feel that this doesn’t make sense, so please pardon that. Essentially, I’m trying to make the case that, as those perceived to be “exceptions” are valuable, important people too, and answers that continually ignore or injure them are not always good, just because they seem like they should apply to most people.
Oh, I messed up. The reply was intended to be to Bootsy.
To you, Sheila, I think you are making a wise, if tough, decision. I look forward to what you will be doing here in the future. Be encouraged, as well as very heartily forgiven.
I hear you Bethany and yet I don’t get it. Truth always speaks not to the majority, but to all. Within that truth can be certain exceptions, but when the exceptions forbod the speaking of truth it does a diservice to all.
A perfect example is submission. Few pastors will even tackle this important subject, or the subject of weight, at the risk of offending some by quoting the scriptures. “But what about the potential of abuse” is he common battle cry. No spanking kids anymore, no asking a wife to be submissive, nothing that can have an exception to it can be spoken of as “scriptural truth?”
I, and others are not dealing in majorities… we are dealing in God’s Word and the plain and simple truth that sets people free. It is the exceptions, and majority that often leads even me into self deception, away from God’s clear truth to what others are doing and feeling, instead of helping with with the compassionate truth of God’s Word.
Perhaps some of us missed the compassionate part in our discussion and can do better. I certainly care very much for all the readers and for Sheila’s ministry.
I agree that the commenters have gotten very out of hand and mean to one another and the person in the question.
Would it be possible for you to post a reader question of the week, and then your response to the question, then disable the comments feature for that post? I feel as though I have learned quite a bit from reading some of the questions and combing through some of the responses to find the few good ones.
Overall, though, thank you so much for what you do. You have a wonderful blog and I enjoy reading your thoughts each day, and often thinking about what you wrote throughout the day and the following days.
This is so sad. Some of the best advice on my blog comes from readers who comment in support of others who are hurting and need support and wisdom. But I admit that there are amazingly rude people as well who want to attack others, and you have the right to set a positive tone on your blog. No such personal attacks should be allowed.
I look forward to your new feature. I pray that those who received advice from the Reader Question of the Week thus far took to heart the wise words of loving people and ignored the harsh words of fools.
Two thoughts: First, in a sense, we are all annonymous. You don’t know me as Lily from Adam from Frank from Abraham Lincoln……..
Secondly, just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean they have ill intentions or are being mean. We should all be evaluating the sin in our own lives instead of just blaming someone else. I’ve read lots of comments here wanting to blame it all on someone else and take no responsibility for their own actions.
I agree, Lily. We are responsible for our own actions, and many of us have a tendency to blame others.
My problem is not just with the disagreements between the commenters, though, and the fact that some feel hurt by each other. It’s also simply the fact that many people are leaving what I consider very harmful advice. And unless I state my opinion first, in the post, then there’s nothing to mediate between the comments.
I would certainly not put your comment yesterday in that category; I thought yours was very helpful and honest. But many of the comments have not been particularly helpful. That’s okay on a regular post where I set the tone, and people can at least see my opinion first. But on a reader question, where there is no “tone”, then it can be far more harmful. And that’s partly what worries me!
I think that’s the right decision, although I’m disheartened that you were forced to make it. Hang in there. We appreciate you.
Did you guys read my latest post on badges of honor? I don’t know why people are so hurtful or choose to interpret the bible in a way that makes them self righteous. I sometimes read the question of the week but I really couldnt be bothered with other people’s opinions – as alot of it is just opinions not truth.
We need to be encouraging each other, and if getting rid of this feature is a step in that direction, well so be it.
Sheila: There have been several questions I had opinions on, but felt it not necessary to say anything because it would cause an issue. I am very glad for your outlook and support your decision on this! Thank you for what you do through your blog and your books!!!
Thank you Sheila for your thoughtful concern for your readers! I hate to see this aspect of your blog go, but I understand the heart behind your decision. I did usually read through the comments and think “Wow, that’s awful advice!” and then wonder your take on it. Being the beneficiary of your advice via email (I may have been the straw that broke the camel’s back because it was right around the time you said you needed to stop giving specific advice through emails!) I usually just want to know what you think anyway!
I wonder if there is a way to continue the idea without opening up the negative comment floodgates or creating more work for you. Maybe a reader question with your response but then a question for us commenters about a specific part of the reader question? I’m not sure if that makes sense…. Let’s say in this scenario instead of having commenters respond to the actual reader question, you ask instead, “When you’ve gained weight, what are some confidence boosting strategies you use to help you feel beautiful anyway?” or maybe, “When your husband says something to hurt you, what steps have you taken to restore your intimacy again?” Then the comments are directed at a positive bit of advice that doesn’t require more information from you, or a more specific reader question. I hope that makes sense! Ha!
Anyway, you are doing a great work, please keep it up!
Good. These were my least favorite of your posts.
I think that’s wise. To be honest, these things seem like more of a chance to gossip about people we don’t know than problem-solving sessions. People need IRL help for these things, not random internet strangers who can’t possibly know what’s really going on.
Well stated. I signed up about a month ago and posted a comment about the woman and her dress at church. As a pastor’s wife and as an ordained pastor I was shocked by many of the replies. At one point both me and my daughter were indirectly called prostitutes for wearing heels to church. After my reply to that person I decided to never comment again and on this past Saturday after reading about the woman who had gained weight and the horrific comments that were made…I decided to stop receiving your email but could not find the unsubscribe link.
As a Christian I have to ask myself if this is why people make the decision to stay outside of the family of God. We deal with this everyday…why would anyone want to be attacked and to some degree abused by Christians.
Great move…
Two of my favorite quotes about people are:
“People are people, and people do people things”
and
“Persons are smart, people are stupid.”
Basically, whenever you get a large group of people together (in person, online, whatever), there is always the potential for disaster. I don’t think you were wrong in trying. Do not blame yourself for the actions of others. But I think it is wise to see it didn’t work out and to pull the catalyst of this behavior.
Wish I had like buttons for comments! (But, given the topic of this discussion, that would probably be a bad idea, too. 🙂 )
Sheila,
Love your blog and love lots of the advice out there. Perhaps there is a way that you can give people a warning when they are off topic or offensive and then if they are repeatingly restating their point, arguing or being offensive that indidual could be blocked from posting? Or a way to only let them post one comment per article? Everyone could post their opinion once. Then you wouldn’t get the “debates” if they wanted to “debate” with each other, they could exchange emails and do it privatley off the forum. Would also make it easier for you to delete one comment instead of 30 back and forth comments. I’m not computer savy so I’m not even sure that’s an option. Even if you turn comments off completly please don’t stop blogging!!!!!! Love your blog!! God is using you! I share your posts on facebook sometimes, and my husband I go through the same thing, with the same sorts of comments, but that doesn’t mean that it is truly helping someone out there who is just staying quiet. 🙂
This is unfortunate. I enjoy the reader questions and hearing the different viewpoints from many of the responders. They always challenge me think outside my little box. But yes, the direction the comments start to take is absolutely unacceptable. I guess it’s unavoidable though because it’s an open forum for anyone to join in and you’re going to get all kinds… You’re making the right decision Sheila. Bless you for all the work you put in to this blog. It has been a real blessing to me.
I’m so sorry something that was intended to be encouraging and uplifting turned into something ugly. You can’t predict how people – especially people hiding behind the anonymity of a computer screen – will behave.
Sounds like a good idea. you can’t police everyone’s opinions. I still love all you are doing.
Good idea! I’d rather read your words anyway. You are a gifted writer and have done the research to back up what you say… plus you tie things to scripture. Love the change!
I honor you for your heart & your strong stand. I agree with everything you said here–it addressed the issue head on & with much grace! My prayers are with those who have been wounded–healing will come from grace & the fruit of the Spirit (which does NOT include being right!). My prayers are with you too as you grow! Please know how much I rise up & call you BLESSED & cheer you on in this amazing calling you have!!
Unfortunately, I have to agree with your decision here Sheila. Even some commenters on this post are not being nice or helpful! One possibility to still get these good discussion questions out there for families to think about and for women to realize that others’ deal with the same issues could be to post a reader question of the week and not allow comments on those. That’s just one suggestion, and I totally support and appreciate what you do with this blog!
I read that thread and was appalled at what was posted to women who are obviously hurting and who clearly have had very difficult lives. I’m still not convinced one of the male posters wasn’t a troll. To be perfectly honest, I kept waiting for them to be shut down and they weren’t. Their comments were so condescending while being truly ignorant of the complicated issues of women’s hormones and metabolism. They also seemed clueless as to how devastating it would be for a woman to be told by her husband that she is no longer attractive to him. It was painful to read that thread.
I can’t imagine what draws these men to a women’s site except their ego – the idea that women are waiting with baited breath for their perspective and the feeling of having an audience they must not get in real life. Sheila, I think you provide a real service and you are not to blame for posters’ hurtful comments – their behavior is on them. I also understand how it would be too time consuming to moderate every post, so if the choice was to let this continue or shut down comments on reader questions, or stop the reader question, I think you made the right choice, for what it’s worth.
The only think I’d add, and again it’s only my opinion, is I would have welcomed a stronger statement specifically directed to the offenders whose comments were so hurtful.
I’m just always so shocked (although I guess I shouldn’t be) by the types of Pharisees that still exist today. We all have struggles and painful issues that color our opinions, which is understandable, but to be so ignorantly judgmental and accusatory simply because one thinks s/he knows every single turn of the mind of God (and what arrogance that is!) is just…..unfathomable.
I’m so sorry you had to cancel the Reader Question of the Week. It’s sad the comments degraded like that, but I very much enjoyed the posts and the questions you sent. Several times my husband and I got into great discussions from them.
I pray you’ll figure out a way to continue it again at some point, but you need to do what is best for you and your ministry to help it continue to grow. Thank you for what you do.
I wish you would just delete the entire thread… all of them. I was looking for help, looking for advice, and now I just want to go kill myself and turn away from God. If God doesn’t love me at my weight (which is more than 25lbs overweight) and you all are judging it as sin towards my husband, than why should I even live? It is bad enough that people are siding with the husband, but you are turning God into a monster. I truly wanted Godly advice, not the drivel I have found here.