Every weekend I like to post a question someone sends in and let you readers have a go at it. This week, a reader asks for your input on communication with her husband about a topic that is very close to her heart.
I am a mom of 5, married for 22 years. Our children range in age from 3-20. Currently our marriage is in turmoil and I don’t know how to fix it. Lots of prayer. A mentor. Yes I have those. I am asking for suggestions on the walk through and what it looks like.
I want to continue to have children. I think we should be open to whatever God allows us to have. I am 40 and my husband is 43. We have a nice home, a nice income, but aren’t rich.
My husband has halted all sex until birth control is used. It has been a month and I feel separated from him and alone. He has always viewed children as a large responsibility and a heavy burden for him to lead and provide for. We unfortunately never discussed this before marriage. Our marriage counseling was literally an afternoon. (so not enough). We have struggled in most areas, but not sex. We were good there. We could always bring our relationship back together with lovemaking and enjoying each other.
A while ago my oldest moved out and lived with a boy. She has since returned home and is doing ok, but not walking with the Lord.
In all this my husband now says we aren’t doing a good job as parents and he doesn’t want anymore children. I’m devastated He is now waiting to go in for a vasectomy next month.
What do I do? Just give up my feelings, my heart? How can we not have sex for weeks? How will I feel about sex and our connection knowing our days of creating a child are over.
We haven’t used birth control in years. And honestly I am not very fertile. I had a tubal surgery and have one open tube with PCOS….I mean the odds of conceiving are pretty low….This is so hard to deal with.
What does a couple do when they disagree on family size, and it is destroying their sex life? What have other couples done to get through?
RULES FOR FEEDBACK:
I really appreciate all the answers that so many of you give to these reader questions, but lately I’ve been finding that the comment thread has gotten a little nasty. So here are some guidelines:
- Leave PRACTICAL advice. Don’t judge someone’s spiritual condition, please.
- You may make your point once, but I won’t allow protracted arguments where people just say the same thing over and over. I will delete threads like that!
- Be kind to all commenters. They are not necessarily in the same place that you are, and everyone deserves respect.
- Please do not judge other commenters, either. You may have a different spiritual viewpoint on birth control or marriage, but most commenting here are Christians. There is room for all. If arguments about different denominations/religious traditions break out, I will delete them. Stick to the question, please.
Now, I’m eager to see what you all say!