Wow. Yesterday was my second biggest day on the blog of all time. Thank you so much, everybody! I guess 7 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage really resonated.
If you’re here because you loved that post, and you’ve only just met me, a great place to go for a roundup of all my marriage posts is here. And if you join my Facebook Page, you’ll see more of my quirkiness.
Today I want to share a personal struggle with you.
Our family started practising (is that the right word?) Lent about a decade ago. I’ve spent many years in an Anglican church, and I always liked the tradition: you decide to forego something for the forty days leading up to Easter, and it helps you focus on the message of the season and recognize your need for Jesus.
In the past I’ve given up Facebook or TV because they take my time away from God, or I’ve added something–like a 15 minute prayer block every morning.
This year I read a tweet right before Lent by a good friend who said,
“Lent should not be a Christian version of New Year’s Resolutions”
and I think she’s so right. Last month I originally thought I’d give up Diet Pepsi for Lent, but when I thought about it, I realized I only wanted to because I’ve been trying to quit the stuff for years, and maybe I just needed some added motivation! That didn’t seem like the right attitude.
So my girls and I together (it was really my youngest daughter’s decision, but we all went along with it) decided to forego desserts. That sounded reasonable, because there’s no way I’m quitting desserts permanently. Absolutely. No. Way. So this isn’t like a New Year’s Resolution, since I have no intention of keeping it beyond Easter. But desserts are something that I enjoy. And so the craving for a dessert would prompt us to pray. That would keep me running to God to meet my needs, rather than food.
I haven’t had any desserts in over a week now. And I’m not even that grumpy! I’ve realized that I often turn to desserts when other things–including God–would satisfy.
I know not all of you observe Lent, but I just want to share what I’ve learned, because I think it’s applicable to all of us.
I do have a sweet tooth. I always have. But I find that I never crave dessert after dinner. I crave dessert in the morning (leftover chocolate cake for breakfast? Bring it on!) I crave dessert in the mid-afternoon, around 3. And I crave dessert around 11:30.
And I realized: I crave dessert when I’m hungry.
Maybe that doesn’t sound so revolutionary to you, but this was actually quite an insight for me. I don’t actually crave the sweet stuff when I’m full, after I’ve just had a good meal. I only crave it when I haven’t been treating my body well. Maybe I’m thirsty, or I haven’t eaten well that day, or I haven’t been bothered to make a nice lunch.
During Lent, then, one thing that God’s been helping me to see is that taking better care of myself is an important thing. Being disciplined about eating well, and throughout the day, helps me be more productive and more at peace. And when I can’t reach for the chocolate, I want to try to minimize those temptations as much as I can!
But there’s something else that’s deeper, that’s really what I’ve been thinking about, and it’s this:
Perhaps the reasons we crave the shallow substitutes of the real thing is that we don’t put enough effort into making sure we have the real thing.
Why do we crave watching inane shows on TV all the time? Maybe it’s because we haven’t put enough effort into creating fun family nights that actually do satisfy. Why do we crave playing on Facebook for two hours? Maybe it’s because we haven’t put enough of an effort into building a friendship with our husbands so that we would actually want to do something fun with him. Why do we crave praise from other people, and go to pieces when we don’t get it? Maybe it’s because we haven’t put enough time into just listening to what God has to say to us.
Or, one of the ones I talk about at length, why do we crave a shallow version of sex, rather than a truly intimate one? Maybe it’s because we’ve never taken the time to experience how wonderful sex can be when it’s about more than just the physical.
When I’m full of stuff that’s good for me, I don’t even notice missing sweets. When we are nurturing our friendship with our spouse, spending time with God and listening to His voice, and playing games and laughing with our children, we won’t be so tempted towards time wasters. We’ll feel the difference. We’ll start to crave the things that actually satisfy.
If you don’t feel satisfied in your life right now, and you are craving the more “shallow” things, maybe that’s God’s way of gently telling you that your balance is out of whack. You aren’t spending enough time on the truly important things.
That’s what I’m learning from this Lent: fill myself up with the things that truly satisfy, and the annoying cravings honestly do go away. But the responsibility lies with me first to seek out those things that truly do satisfy.
So seek out God. Seek out true intimacy with your husband. Laugh with your children. Don’t spend your life on logistics, on rushing, on errands. Actually live. It’s so much better!
Do you observe Lent? Tell me about it in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
My husband and I started observing Lent last year. Our decision was not to give up something for the sake of going without. We gave up things that we could replace with interactions with God. For example, I gave up TV because it’s my biggest distraction. Instead of watching TV, I write worship songs – which is how I connect with God and seek out His word, His wisdom, and His presence. It’s been an amazing week of Lent! I’m looking forward to the rest!
That’s a great way of looking at it! I’ve done that on other years, too–giving up Facebook, etc. This year the girls and I said we just wanted prompts throughout the day to pray, and the prompt that we wanted to reach for chocolate was pretty strong! But I’m actually learning more now about how I treat my life, and that’s been a great insight.
I don’t observe Lent, but I have been thinking about similar things. I know I’ve been using food as an idol lately, and I need to get back into balance and spend more time on the things that matter, like you said. I’m actually planning to start (today!) reading, Made to Crave. I’m hoping God will use it to help me master this area of disobedience that I’ve struggled with for so long.
I have never observed lent, but I’m curious to know the origins of this tradition. I know it’s not in the Bible, and that it is very much part of the Catholic Church. Does anyone have any insight into this?
Stacey, I am a Roman Catholic. Lent is in fact taken from the Bible. After Jesus’ baptism, he went into the desert and fasted for 40 days and 40 nights. The 40 days of Lent are based on Jesus’ time of fasting in the desert. The main requirements (for Catholics) for Lent are:
1. Abstinence from meat on Fridays of Lent. Fish, seafood, and eggs are permitted. (However, treating yourself to a lobster dinner kind of negates the idea of penance.) Required for ages 13-69 unless for medical reasons you need to eat meat.
2. Fasting as well as abstinence from meat on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday.
The fasting requirement is one regular size meal and two smaller meals on those days. Some choose to eat even less than that. It is mandatory for ages 18-69, unless for medical reasons you have to eat more than that.
Prior to Vatican II, Catholics abstained from meat EVERY Friday throughout the year since Friday is always considered a day of penance in remebrance of Jesus’ crucifixion and death. In some countries like England, the bishops have reinstituted meatless Fridays throughtout the year.
In the Eastern Rite Catholic Churches and the Eastern Orthodox churches, Lent is called the Great Fast. On Fridays they do not eat meat OR fish.
Addendum:
It is not a requirement for Catholics or non-Catholic Christians to give up something in Lent, but it is good to do so as an act of penance.
My church has decided to do a 21 day fast….we are to pray what God wants us to fast from….it can be anything….So i prayed and prayed and wanted to make sure that I was fasting for the right reason. So, God put it on my heart to fast from something that takes me away from Him, or distracts me….I realized that tv at night is my distraction…I rush to put the kids to bed, I rush to have my ‘quiet time’ with Him in order to watch my favorite night time tv shows….so now I have to be very deliberate about taking my time and enjoying and praying and really spending time with God. I will be completely honest, it’s been hard, and I’m struggling with it but instead of rushing through bedtime with the kids and my quiet time, it helped to know that I was not going to turn the tv back on for the night, so I had nothing to rush for. I pray that it gets easier as time goes on…..sounds like kind of a sad thing to be that tied to, huh? kind of embarrassing, but it’s the truth.
I don’t think that’s embarrassing at all! I think so many women struggle with that. In the past I’ve fasted from TV, Facebook, movies, etc. at Lent, too. It does drive you closer to God!
I’m LCMS Lutheran, and Lent is one of the things Lutherans kept after we separated from the Catholics. 🙂 So observance of Lent, and Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent, right after Shrove/Fat Tuesday) has always bee a part of my life.
I used to give up chocolate for Lent, along with my mom, and the last few years it’s been Facebook. But this year I want to just add the practice of being more in the word, more in prayer, on a daily basis. So far that’s not going great. But the messages I hear in chapel during the week (I go to a Lutheran college) and in church on Sundays help me focus on what Lent is all about: Jesus, and what he has done for me.
Even though I don’t practice Lent this really hits home with me. I’ve been struggling with emotional eating recently. If I get the least bit upset about something and there is something sweet in the house, I gorge myself on it. I’ve been trying to address it by just not keeping sweets in the house but I know it’s a deeper issue than that. This post inspired me to really tackle it head-on and strive to replace it with what I truly need when I’m upset.
How funny — I was JUST thinking to myself how much I want something sweet as I head out of the house to the airport to visit my mother who has just slipped from stage 6 to stage 7 Alzheimers.
I’m not actually hungry for nourishment…I’m craving “sweetness” in my life because things have been so chaotic and stressful and grief-filled for the last two months. But I’ve committed to being sugar-free during my trip because I’m trying to replace the quick-fix of a Starbucks mocha or pecan braid from Panera Bread with the authentic lasting sweetness of fully experiencing how much God cherishes me…even (especially?!) in difficult times. (“Cherish” is my one word for 2013.)
Hello all,
I am Catholic so I have been observing Lent my entire life. This year the deacon at our church asked to try the 1, 1, 1 plan to prepare our hearts for Easter. The first 1 is to think of a sin that we would like to work on abolishing from our lives. He suggested looking toward the 7 deadly sins to start. The next 1 is to think of something we would like to give up for a while. Could be less computer time, sweets, gossiping, etc. Things we focus too much time, energy or money on. Then lastly, try adding something in. He suggested spending more time reading the Bible, or making a phone call, email, or letter every day to friends or family or doing random acts of kindness. Basically, how can you be Christ to someone else. I thought these were lovely ideas.
I started observing Lent 2 years ago….I am fasting from sugar and sugar substitutes. I have a big sweet tooth and this is not a diet- its a fast…I’ve chosen something that I know will be hard, that will feel like I’m sacrificing….it’s merely an iota of the sacrifice Our Savior has made for us, but it keeps me in frequent prayer for His strength and thanksgiving for His gift to us
This really spoke to me. I’m a huge sweets addict, and I’ve never really thought about why I turn to them. I think for me, it’s a comfort thing. They make me feel happy so I eat them. Not a good thing, I’m learning. I need to turn to Jesus to make me feel happy.
Great post. We need so much to focus on feeding our bodies well, limiting the junk we put into our bodies, and using food for the right reasons, not as a substitute for something else. I’m working on a series of posts about eating well, and this really encouraged me.
A reader just emailed me this comment:
I gave up make up fpr Lent. join me?
Most years I just let go of something, and then have a hard time, because I focus on the fact that I can’t have it. But this year I took something away and replaced it with something else. I gave up Pinterest and Facebook, and replaced it with The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. I read the chapter for that day, and journal, during the time that I usually play on the pc with Pinterst and FB. I am already learning so much, I look forward to reading the new chapter each day, and I don’t even miss FB and Pinterest! I am definately going to do it this way from now on. <3
I practice Lent and I find it fabulous. Last year, I gave up Facebook and this year I’ve decided rather than give up something, I’m going to ‘do’ something that I would like to carry forward after Lent.
I’ve got a really bad habit of staying up super late to work and have tried to go to bed earlier for Lent. I would like to continue this after Lent so I’m really thankful I have 40 days to practice!!!
I am a fairly new convert to Orthodox Christianity and lent has become my husband and I’s favorite time of the religious year! During our annual Lenten journey we strive to grow closer to the Lord through fasting (includes giving up diary and meat (except for some shellfish)), attending the special services) (there are usually several every week), prayer, and confession! You should attend an Orthodox Lenten service Sheila! You would like it! :).