31DaysCoverA whole bunch of you bought the 31 Days to Great Sex yesterday! Thank you so much. You catapulted me up to #2 in marriage on the Kindle, which is super cool.

A number of you have commented or sent emails about the first day challenge, and so I thought I’d write a bit of an encouragement for you, and for those of you who may not have the book yet, but who can still glean from it.

The 31 Days to Great Sex is designed to be cumulative: you start with some basic relationship stuff, and then you build from there. It’s not “31 Days of Sex Tricks” at all–though there are posts later in the month on how to make it feel wonderful. And that’s because sex is so much more than just a physical experience. It’s supposed to be intimate physically, yes, but also emotionally and spiritually.

Usually when our sex life is blah it isn’t because there’s anything wrong with us physically (though that can be the case). It’s more likely that we’re not connecting emotionally, or we haven’t figured out how to communicate what we really want, or someone’s being selfish. It’s a relationship issue, not a sexual issue.

And so the first day of the 31 Days of Great Sex is a “take stock” day. Talk about what you want out of your sex life, and discuss where you think you are now.

For some people that’s an eye opener. One of you may have thought your sex life is great, while the other one felt like there’s something major missing.

Talking about stuff like this is so hard. That’s why we rarely do it!

But a marriage cannot grow without honesty.

That doesn’t mean we should say hurtful things; obviously we should take care to say the truth in love, which is one of the things that 31 Days to Great Sex helps you through. When you have something guiding your discussion, it’s sometimes not as scary.

I loved this comment last year on the 29 Days to Great Sex:

Wow – we haven’t talked like that in so long. It was amazing. Although we have a long way to go, thank you for making it possible for us to open the lines of communication.

That’s what it’s all about: starting real, authentic communication. Sex, or, for that matter, any part of our marriage, won’t work well if we’re not honest and vulnerable. We need to open up.

So if you’re doing the 31 Days to Great Sex, take a deep breath and talk honestly, even if it’s a little difficult and you’re a little shy.

And if you’re not going through the book right now, let me encourage you, too:

If there’s something big between you and your husband, work this weekend to find a low-key, low-stress way to sit down and talk about it. Honesty is always the best policy!

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