Tomorrow America votes.
I won’t vote. I’m Canadian. And so I don’t really feel like I should chime in on the election. I know people who read this blog fall into different political camps, and that’s all right. My main role is encouraging marriages, and it’s one that I want to take seriously.
But there is one thing that happened during this campaign that so fits in with exactly what I was talking about in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, and I feel like I would be remiss not to talk about it. I don’t want to address this as a political issue, but more as social commentary.
I’m sure most of you have already heard of the infamous Lena Dunham ad. If you haven’t here it is:
Regardless of your political affiliation, I do hope that we can all agree that comparing voting to losing one’s virginity is disgusting and disparaging towards women.
But here are four things I want to note:
1. This ad assumes that girls WILL lose their virginity before they’re married
2. This ad assumes that lots of your partners will be jerks
3. This ad assumes that anyone who doesn’t want to lose their virginity is seriously strange and geeky
4. This ad is sanctioned by those who are extremely culturally powerful.
Why even say, “you should do it with a great guy” unless you know that OTHER times may not be so great, so it’s important to make your “first time” special.
And then Dunham throws in how it is super uncool to say, “No, I wasn’t ready.” The analogy is here is to say that one wasn’t ready for sex is also super uncool. Get it? Cool people have sex with someone they think is also cool.
I find this absolutely disgusting.
At least a few decades ago we all agreed that sleeping around indiscriminantly might be something that people did, but they didn’t talk about it. They didn’t promote it. There was still lip service to waiting until you were married.
Now there’s not. The President of America is saying that it is super uncool to say, “no, I wasn’t ready.” I realize that they were talking about voting, but the whole premise of the ad is comparing voting to sex. And so to say “I wasn’t ready” is silly, in their minds. And that’s coming from the highest level of our culture. I wonder if he has shown this ad to his daughters?
We are now in a situation where the most powerful citizens of the United States are making fun of girls who won’t lose their virginity. We are living in a culture where the most powerful will mock those in their late teens early twenties if they decide they don’t want to sleep around.
I find this absolutely heartbreaking.
Interestingly, teen sexual activity is actually lower today than it was when I was a teenager. Kids are fighting against this culture. But it is a fight.
And when we lose that fight, the results are so sad. I have written at length on this blog about the dangers that sexual baggage can bring to a marriage. I have written about why God knew what He was doing when He said, “wait until marriage.”
If there are ads like this out there, targeting young women, we need to be even more vigilant and encourage our own girls. Tell them it’s okay to go against the culture! Tell them no one ever regretted waiting; many, many people regret not waiting. Tell them sex is so much better in a marriage context.
I do agree with Lena on one thing: Your first time should be with a great guy. I just also believe your first time should be with a ring on your finger.
If your first time wasn’t, and your marriage is still affected by that, my new ebook that I hope to release first thing next week, The 31 Days to Great Sex, will help you and your husband deal with that baggage!