'Questions?' photo (c) 2008, Valerie Everett - license: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/Every weekend I like to post a question someone sends in and let you readers have a go at it. This week a reader shares her very personal story of a sexless marriage.

My husband has always been a Choleric driver-type personality who is very focused on work and being productive.Sometimes his job seems like it’s 24/7 – when we were first married he wasn’t home much and now he is home more but slaving away in our home office. Even when he’s not at work he spends a lot of time doing yard work or researching and managing our investments. Like so many people in the current economy, he is stressed out about his job security. It seems like he’s either working like a madman or worried if things are slow.

This has been going on ever since I met him and of course, it has negatively affected our intimate life. I think that he sees sex as a fun leisure activity when he has some spare time. However, he never has any spare time! He would feel guilty taking time out for sex when he should be doing something more productive like reviewing the investments or answering work email. As a result, our sex life has been pretty sad – we have officially been in the sexless marriage category for years, and only really had sex while on vacation once a year! Since I’ve been reading your blog, we have been having sex more – maybe more like every 2-3 weeks. But I can sense that he is just going through the motions and has a hard time focusing. I know that this could be for other (scary) reasons – maybe he’s just not attracted to me anymore, or maybe he’s looking at porn, or having an affair, or maybe he’s gay. But I have known this man for 20 years and I honestly feel it’s work stress more than anything else.

What advice would you give to her?

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