I’m really drained.
Just really, really tired.
I’ve been blogging almost full time now for two years. I write at least five posts a week, one of which is a column for a bunch of newspapers. I answer emails, I do radio interviews, I write guest posts. And I do not get paid for this (in fact, I actually PAY to have this blog here).
I do this because I’m passionate about marriage. And I hear so many heart-breaking stories everyday from emails. It’s overwhelming.
But today I’m just feeling bogged down because for the last few weeks I have consistently been called “judgmental” in the comments, especially about my columns (the posts that always run on Fridays).
Am I judgmental? I think we all have that tendency, and I certainly do have opinions.
But I’m just exhausted by it. I hate being scared to turn on the computer to see what another commenter has said (and you have no idea how many comments I delete because they’re so vile). I hate being scared to look at the Letters to the Editor in the paper. I’m thinking that a nice, normal life, when I run the youth program at church, and volunteer on a praise team, and make lots of great meals sounds a lot more enticing to me right now.
I know I’m complaining, and I don’t normally do that, but this has been weighing on me for over a year. I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take, because it turns me inside out when so many people call me judgmental on a daily basis. Everyday when I pray I feel like the focus is just, “Lord, give me the strength to keep going, because I feel so bogged down.” My devotions for the last year have almost been entirely focused on how to put on the armour of God.
When I began blogging I had a choice. I could do the typical “Christian mom blog” where I write about how great God is and how we need to trust Him, and elaborate on how to do that. I could share recipes and parenting ideas and lots of pictures. There are a ton of great blogs out there doing that, and doing it well.
But I’m not that kind of person. I’m really riveted by questions that have no easy answers. In fact, that’s what I found difficult about writing The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex–there are so many areas about sex where I don’t think there are clear answers, and so I tried my best to tackle the hard stuff. And then people started throwing around the “unChristian” label because I wouldn’t clearly condemn some things. And others threw around the “judgmental” label because I said other things may be a bad idea.
Look, this is who I am. I enjoy thinking about things. I get passionate about things. I’m not an even-keel person, and so blogging is a way to get some of those feelings out. And my column–which is NOT a Christian column–is supposed to be an opinion column. I get paid to actually state a firm opinion. I could be wishy washy on this blog and never say anything that people could disagree with, but that sounds rather boring to me, and not all that helpful. Is that really what people want?
I wonder sometimes, because when I do state an opinion, so many people come to the comments here and tell me that I’m being judgmental. I get commenters saying, “I’ve read you for years, but this is too much. Good-bye.” I had one on today’s column below (update: now two)! So all that I’ve done for years doesn’t matter? You disagree on this one thing? That’s certainly your right, but to announce it like that is very hurtful.
Last Saturday, it wasn’t even me people were attacking. They were attacking each other in response to a Reader Question of the Week–and then began telling me I exercised poor judgment by allowing other people to perhaps be judgmental. And then, in the column below, people were calling me judgmental for things that I didn’t say–and then making personal comments about me that aren’t even close to the mark, all while saying I’m the one who is being unChristlike.
So I’m just at a crossroads. I don’t know if I can keep on doing this.
I can keep speaking; I speak at retreats a ton every year, and I find that invigorating. And I can keep writing books. But I don’t know if I can keep opening myself up for this all the time.
I just want to tell you readers that we bloggers are people, too. And I put a ton of time into this blog. I really do. I try to write things that will actually be helpful for marriage, and many of you have said that you really do benefit from it. And blogging will get me more readers than writing books ever will. I have almost 300,000 visitors to this blog a month; I’ll never have that many buying one of my books. So I feel as if this is an effective use of my time for ministry. But it’s exhausting.
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t mind disagreements. I remember one post I wrote during my 29 Days to Great Sex where I said I didn’t think it was a good idea to sleep with the kids in the bed. Many got really upset about that, and I deleted a ton of rude comments on that thread. And one long time reader, whom I actually met in person once when I was speaking, disagreed. She did it thoughtfully, and without labeling me judgmental. And then she came back the next day and commented like usual on another item. She didn’t threaten to leave or call me ugly names or question my faith or my parenting abilities. I truly appreciate that.
I am a person, just like all of you. I feel the burdens of the stories so many of you in pain share in comments and emails. I pray over them, and they show how desperate marriages are today. I feel the passion for spreading God’s hope for marriage. But I am exhausted by people yelling at me and sending me hurtful emails and calling me judgmental (it’s interesting that people don’t seem to see the irony in calling someone judgmental for being judgmental).
Bloggers need to have a code of conduct, but I think readers do, too, if you want bloggers to continue to write. It is really hard to open yourself up like this everyday. I’ve shared some of the most personal parts of my heart on this blog, including the story of the last time I saw my son alive. I’ve shared my marriage hardships, and my fears for my kids. I’m an open book. I’ve made myself vulnerable. So would it be okay to ask something in return?
How about this?
Disagreement is fine, but do it in love. And if you’ve read a blogger for a while, and you know his or her heart really is in the right place, then how about giving the benefit of the doubt? Don’t question someone’s motives or faith. Don’t threaten to leave. If you want to leave, you are free to do so. But is it helpful and loving to rub the blogger’s nose in it? Don’t throw around the judgmental label! And every now and then, if you do like something, just say thank you? And if you see a blogger getting beaten up, jump into the comments and just give some support!
Here’s what I’m asking readers to realize: you may disagree with one post, but consider the blog as a whole. If you enjoy the blog as a whole, then please, when you comment on a post, do so in a way that still builds the blogger up. If most of your comments are negative ones, or comments that tear a blogger down, that blogger may one day just give up. And then you won’t get the 90% of the blog that you do agree with.
I have to fill up this space with something; I’ve had almost 1,500 posts on this blog. Chances are you won’t agree with all of them. But to attack me and question my motives and my faith when you don’t agree makes it far less likely that I’ll write anything else. And this goes for every other blogger out there, too.
As for me, I guess I have four choices:
1. Stop publishing my columns on this site. They’re opinion columns, and they’re what usually get people’s blood up. But it seems like a waste to not publish them when I’ve written them.
2. Stop allowing comments. Then I wouldn’t see the negative stuff, and I wouldn’t have to delete so many mean ones.
3. Stop blogging and just write books and speak.
4. Find a way to keep going, and pray for more grace and strength.
I don’t know what the answer is; I’m just really, really tired. And I’m so scared to push publish on this one because I’m not supposed to admit weakness; I’m supposed to be strong and sure of my faith and my stance and confident so that people will like me and perhaps keep following me or buy my books. That’s what marketing experts tell me. But I can’t do that all the time. I am weak. I do question myself. I do get tired. And that’s where I’m at right now.
Any thoughts?
UPDATE: It’s 11:30 pm now and I’m just checking back at the comments. I’m really overwhelmed. You all brought tears to my eyes (and some really practical suggestions, too, that make me feel like there is a way through this). Thank you so much.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
((hugs)) … I’m sorry you’ve been wounded by others … yes you most certainly are a person too. I think social media like blogs and facebook have a downside in that, people say things they would never say to your face! … and I think people take the verses about judging way out of context and also use them to justify their own sin, their own unwillingness to take a stand or their apathy. There I said it, it’s my turn to be yelled at! LOL … so hard when you are a passionate person who “sees’ things and people act like you have no feelings — I hear you sister! Keep on though, please!, this is a wonderful blog!!!
Thank you, Holly.
You’re welcome … I hope things get better and that God gives you clear direction. Sounds to me like we see things in a similar way from this post and it can be so hard when people just are willing to not think about things in a challenging way — I think my brain would literally shrivel if I didn’t read and visit blogs like yours! I don’t always agree either but you always challenge me to think ….
Amen….please, continue…you are doing a wonderful thing here and there is no telling how many people you have helped, who never let you know. I am one of those. You were instrumental in saving our marriage….we went to a marriage intensive with the Winshape retreat/National Institute of Marriage as a last ditch effort and God performed a miracle and gave us tools to help in our communication, etc…but, where I struggled, was in the area of sex…due to abuse as a child. We have been married for 20 years and it was still an issue. After the intensive…we were doing well, but I really needed help and prayed that God would help me. I was on pinterest one morning and came across the 50 most important scriptures link…it brought me here. I cannot express how timely this was….I saw the 29 days to great sex and went through every post I could find. I bought your book (actually, my hubby bought it for me)….we both read the 29 days….online and put this into practice…you have NO idea what you have done to help us and we are thankful. You saved me from having to go to counseling….through this blog…I received healing in this area and my husband and I are so grateful. So, please….ignore those who are negative…continue the good work that God has given you and call me anytime you need a boost… ; )
I think I’m going to print out your comment and paste it on my wall! Thank you!
You are welcome….and, glad to hear that you are going to continue! I look forward to reading your blogs. Have a blessed week!
I have been so blessed by your writings over and over!! And I was going to say something similar to what Holly said. Cyberspace has become so ugly. I have read so many arguments and hashing over silly little stuff and some not so silly :). I have concludes that people have some serious hot buttons and it really doesn’t matter how “nice” you are, some people just cannot handle it. I am so sorry that you are attached so violently. I would recommend closing comments and maybe instantly deleting all ugly mail. Please don’t dwell on it or let if put out the fire. Marriage is under serious attack and we need people like you to honor it!
Just wanted to offer a . No matter what we do in life we face opposition. I can’t imagine the level of work you do to maintain all the things you do. 5 posts a day is crazy. I can barely keep up with my own few online commitments.
It’s perfectly acceptable to step back, take a break, evaluate what you are see, and pray about how to move forward.
<3
(that . is really a {hug})
Sheila, your blog-ALL of it, is like a breath of fresh air for me…something I look forward to reading and feel encouraged by on a daily basis…please don’t give up and don’t lose heart. The enemy would love to destroy any headway you are making in the lives of women (and men). It is just like him to break apart something that is trying to find truth…we are all seeking His truth! Thanks for all your encouragement!
Oh Sheila! I am so sorry for you. Your blog is a treasure and so are you. Not only are you willing to “go there” but your sense of humor and your witty writing style are so wonderful as well. It’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.
This is a great reminder to lift you up in prayer, along with the other folks doing similar heroic work (Byerlys, Julie Sibert, Brad & Kate @ onefleshmarriage, etc.)
Cut back the load if you have to, to survive and for this endeavor to be sustainable, but please don’t quit!
Yes, if you need to cut back, then you should! I love reading your blog, and want you to keep writing, but a person can only do so much! You have to take care of yourself. Make sure you get the rest you need. At the rate you’re going, of course you’re going to be exhausted. Find ways to cut back on your obligations and responsibilities, and factor in more “you” time. At some point, you have to say no, and that’s ok! I learned in in therapy that YOU CAN SAY NO! and you don’t even have to have a reason for it. If you feel overwhelmed, rest! Don’t give up, but do give yourself a break when you need it.
Sheila- I am so sorry about all the rude comments you have been burdened with. You have a fabulous blog and I don’t ever want you to stop. I think your blog is real and I’m just so sad that people have to be so mean. Keep going! Praying for you! -Shonda
Hi Sheila,
Its very upsetting to see-how people pass comments without thinking deeply before they do! Am sorry you feel unappreciated by these people but know that there are loads of us that find your opinion intresting and are willing to try things out.
Pls keep up the good work you are doing! No one can repay you for your time than God.
Like I say to my friends’ keep your head up and dust all ‘dem haters’off your shoulders nd wear a big smile.
Its well with you.
Okay, so I have tears streaming down my face. I truly wish I could hug & pray with you right now.
I have absolutely no advice about what you should or should not do with your blog, it’s YOUR blog. BUT I can tell you that I have benefited numerous times from your writing and speaking advice AS WELL AS your practical family wisdom.
I’m afraid, Sheila, that our world has hit a new bottom in rudeness, and I’m just not sure it’s going away. The things we say even as Christians in the name of “being real” and “correction & exhortation” just break my heart. I think you’ve given some good guidelines here. I’ve had some real heartbreaks as a result of online activity but nothing even close to the level of what you’ve been experiencing. You’re a role model for Christian communicators everywhere and you challenge me to put myself out there and brave it.
I’ll be praying for you as you allow God to heal you and guide you to His perfect plan for your writing. Much love in Christ to you, my sister-friend.
I truly wish people would stop and read the comments they plan to post. Out loud. As if speaking directly to the blogger or author face to face. My heart breaks for you, Sheila. Thank you for sharing about hard topics in a real way. Everyone is entitled to disagree, but how about typing with tact, compassion and common courtesy?
Keep on speaking truth! It takes guts and it takes courage but you have both. It is God’s calling on your life and unless you hear from HIM don’t give the vile any second thought. Just DELETE, and move on! I know easier said then done. Don’t forget the many many you have heard from that you have encouraged and helped. The enemy would love it if you would forget them but don’t allow that! I love your posts. Very few people will speak truth anymore, very few! It doesn’t mean it isn’t right to do so! Praying for you, your not alone in this world-I know many times it probably feels like it but your NOT!
Angela
Galations 6:9
Refuse to be distracted.
Slow and steady wins the race.
Go Holly!
Oh…and I really hope you do not quit. I REALLY enjoy your blog and who you suggest for us and I’m very picky about what blogs I follow, lol!
Thoughts? Yes! I understand. Can’t totally relate to being hurt by bloggy comments, but I can relate to being hurt by thoughtless and judgmental words. I LOVE that you are willing to stand up and be vulnerable and open and tackle the hard stuff. Please keep blogging – you encourage so many of us and provide answers that are difficult to find through ‘regular’ channels. Love your blog and your heart!
I don’t blame you for quitting…I hope you dont because I think you’ve really helped a LOT of people, including me! I LOVE your book, Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex and have both an e-copy and a hard copy! I would suggest maybe turning off the comments. And those that are calling you judgemental are the ones doing the judging.
What you said in today’s column is true. We are judged by our appearance. I’ve been overweight all of my life and I’m sure I got denied jobs or denied promotions just based on that, nevermind my credentials!
I’ll pray for you Sheila that you can come to the right decision, whatever that may be. Have a lovely weekend!
I wonder, if your website didn’t say you were Christian, would you be called “judgemental”? I think that we all have opinions and are all entitled to them, but somehow Christians get a bad rap when we express our opinions.
I love your blog. Do I agree 100% – nope – I don’t think I agree 100% with ANYONE – not even with myself :-). But I am grateful for godly women who are willing to share their hearts with me.
So, for what it’s worth – THANK YOU! Thank you for your encouragement, your honesty, and your opinions. I am blessed by them.
It sounds like you’re discouraged. Which is more than okay. I would suggest a break from the blog. Considering you are in an emotional state right now, making a permanent decision probably wouldn’t be wise. Take the holiday season off from blogging. Spend time with your family and the Lord. Then ask Him for direction.
Always remember, this is YOUR blog. You can moderate comments and delete those that are not in the best interest of you or your audience.
I really enjoy reading your posts. I don’t always agree with everything you may say, but I also am accountable to the Lord for what *I* say, therefore it’s not necessary for me to say I disagree. In this day and age as Christ’s return draws near, more and more will be convicted by what you write and will lash out. Stand firm in your convictions.
As a sister in Christ, I send you (((hugs))) One last thing, I’m sorry you are being attacked!
I agree–it might really help to give yourself a break (or cut back). And although reader discussion seems to be a strong point of your blog, it IS your blog and you get to decide what’s beneficial and constructive in that comment section! Maybe it would be too much work to do full moderation since you have so many commenters, but I think you should feel free to delete! As frequently as necessary! I really appreciate your honesty and straightforwardness in expressing your beliefs (and opinions), and I hope you keep blogging. I’m sorry you are getting beaten down. Praying for God’s strength for you to keep on doing the work He’s called you to (whether or not blogging is part of that!).
I found you probably through Women Living Well…. 6 months ago. Your blogging has had a profound influence on me. Thank you for withstanding a lot of pressure and difficulty to be open, real, and spiritually sound in what you share. I like the way you facilitate all kinds of conversations, not just throw out opinions.
I have never liked you as much as I do at this very moment?
Me too!!!
People relate to real.
Sheila: I can certainly understand getting tired of rudeness and “vile” comments. I have benefitted from your posts and really would like to purchase your book for myself and a friend. If I were to choose one of the 4 suggestions you mentioned, I would probably do a combination. Take a few days to a week off and pray for what the next move would be. We would miss your posts, but only God knows where He wants you! Plus, you give such practical advice for us “good girls!” Praying you make the right decision!! (smiles and hugs)
Keep on doing what you do and shrug it off. You keep it real and you are helping people. Judgmental people live in a narrow world. Draw strength from the positive comments as well as your supporters. Keep on keeping on. And when people get downright mean, the delete button does wonders.
Sheila, I did disagree with your blog today on appearance, but for the most part, I love your blog. I read it almost daily and have been very grateful for it this past year, my first year of marriage, and I’m sure I will be very grateful for it for years on(if you choose to continue blogging). When my husband comes home, I’m very excited to begin your 29 Days to Great sex challenge with him, I’ve been waiting now for 7 months to go through that with him :).
I know blogging can be difficult, the one time I’ve posted a controversial blog on Amendment One, I decided I probably wouldnt’ do that again, but your blog is incredibly helpful, and thought provoking and has so helped to point my heart towards God and my husband as he’s been away. Thank you for that.
Shelia, I am so sorry you have been attacked! People really don’t think about the fact that it is another person on the other end of their comments. And that goes for Christians and non-Christians. I am a new reader to your blog, and I have enjoyed the fact that you are direct and up front with many things people hide from, but that are important. And, at the end of the day, if I disagree, then I disagree. This is a blog written by a person, not the Bible. May God wrap His arms around You and fill You with His love.
-Coral
I am really sorry u have been unduly! wounded by others too. But i know u remember what our LORD said about those rude types of people or words HE SAID SHAKE THE DUST OFF OF UR FEET! i know this is easier said than done but JESUS said it can be done so i know it can be. also i know u remember when Joseph was doing what he was suppose do do and what he was created for his brothers, family became really really jealous of him and wanted to kill him BUT! even though he went through a lot of haters like jail slavery and even a yucky unfaithful wife HE STILL DID WHAT HE WAS CREATED FOR! AND IN THE END WAS THE KING OVER EVERYTHING!!!!!!!! so shake the dust off of ur feet and know that you have a lot of people that LOVE U LIKE ME!!!!!!! see ur continued posts soon:’)
I am sorry you are going through this. However, I do believe some people just LOVE to go against whatever is written. I read some other blogs and FaceBook pages and I can’t believe what some people will write. They do not put any thought into it and make constructive comments. They don’t turn the “check valve” on between their brain and their mouth.
I enjoy reading your blog (and many others). A good blogger expands your thinking and presents new ideas. I hope you continue to write your blogs. Maybe give yourself some time “off” by not allowing comments and see how you feel after a few months.
I’m sorry that it’s been this way for you. I, for one, really appreciate this blog. I’ve been very thankful for all of the ideas to enrich my marriage. Even if I don’t agree with you one hundred percent (because, really, I don’t think any two people can really agree one hundred percent!) I think that you treat matters well. You haven’t been judgmental about those who disagree, but you still state what you think will be helpful. I can’t really tell you to keep on blogging because that’s something that you need to figure out whether it will be best for you, but I can tell you that you have really been an encouragement to me. I’ll pray for your decision in this.
First things first! We are complete strangers. I very recently found your blog, though I don’t remember the channel. One thing to always remember is God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness!!!! Second of all, I am very sorry people feel it is acceptable to publicly ridicule just because they can hide behind the comment section. There is no friend anywhere that anyone will agree with on every subject, God didn’t design us to be robots. It’s called GRACE! Unfortunately a lot of people do not REALLY understand what that word means. Me included until a few years ago. I have enjoyed your posts in the short amount of time that I have been reading and have really had my eyes opened. It is not easy to pick up the pieces once you’ve been hurt, I’ve been there. PRAY PRAY PRAY and remember God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness. Let Him show you! I’ll pray for you as you seek direction for you blog.
I’m thankful for you. I’m sorry that you receive treatment like this. The only thing I can say is that you are blessed to have the readership that you have. I would love to have a following like yours on any of my pages, but then I would have to be prepared to deal with these same issues. Please keep doing what you do. You are having an impact. Your posts are valuable.
“Here’s what I’m asking readers to realize: you may disagree with one post, but consider the blog as a whole.”
This seems odd. By the same words should I attend a party where there are drugs (not that I know where one is) but just overlook that aspect because I like the music and have a few friends going? Should I vote for someone that is not representative of Christ and just overlook that one part because he is a good person? When we allow things to slip through the cracks, we as Christians open ourselves up to becoming less Christlike. We become passive.
My comments to you (I can’t speak for the others) were out of a concern that you DON’T know how your article and further comments come across. Just as you felt you were “helping” those that were harming themselves, I felt you have no idea of the harm you were inflicting on your own witness.
I know I had a part, because I called you judgmental. Unfortunately, my intention was not to bruise you, however, we are told as Christians not to be a stumbling block and we should always let a fellow Christian know if they are causing hurt or harm. Would I be just as wrong NOT to stay something when it’s clear I’m not the only one that saw it? I can just imagine if NO one ever told you, and one day you say “I didn’t know, no one ever told me.” This goes both ways here (with those upsetting you, and you being called out for your words). Not just on the last blog post, but if what you say is true, that others have told you you are judgmental…is it a possibility it’s true and it just hurts to hear? I know it hurts when my husband says something I don’t like, but it’s true and I have to take heed that if he says it, he says it because he loves me and wants me to know where I’m going wrong. He speaks out of love, and out of wanting me to live for Christ.
I think you should consider that if it’s been said more than once (and said with explanation, thought and in a Christian manner), maybe it might be something you could consider and work on if you are honest with yourself. However, if you truly don’t feel you are judgmental, there is nothing anyone can say to make you see it.
All bloggers open themselves up to what others think of them, it’s not fun sometimes, but it’s the price to pay for reaching those that DO need your words.
Melissa,
I want to respectfully disagree with you.
Someone who states “this is how the world perceives you” or “I don’t like that” isn’t being judgemental. Having an opinion isn’t judgemental. Condemning someone for how they think is judgemental.
Each one of us has to make decisions before God for our lives. If Sheila is honestly doing before God what she feels he wants her to do and you are condemning it, aren’t you being judgemental?
All bloggers do open themselves up to what others think of them, and when each one of gets dressed, tattooed and pierced and exits our house each day, we open ourselves up to what others think of us (I speak as one with six earings). Being in public in any way opens us to opinions. The only way to not be viewed as “judgemental” it seems is not to have any opinions. That doesn’t seem fair.
Thank you, Angela.
Agree 100%, Angela.
I agree, Angela, and I’ll even take it a step further. I think way too many Christians have decided that any statement of disagreement about anything at all falls under the “judge not that ye be not judged” heading. But if we read Matthew 7 in its entirety without parking on verses 1-5, we’ll find that Jesus continued in verses 15-20 with a discussion about knowing false teachers by their fruits. So right there, even apart from all the other portions of scripture that talk about “trying the spirits”, “being wise as serpents”, etc, it’s obvious that “judge not” can’t mean “don’t criticize anything”. If we’re going to be able to recognize false teachers by their fruits, that involves a “judgment” of their actions.
Sheila, I can honestly say that in the time I’ve been reading your blog, NOT ONE of your posts has ever struck me as inappropriately judgmental. I’ll admit that I don’t read all the comments, but I’ve not seen any of those from you that I thought were harsh or unloving either. I think you “speak the truth in love.” It has been so refreshing for me to read someone who isn’t afraid to tackle hard topics! Will we always agree? Of course not! But thank you for being courageous to speak where others are silent.
Exactly!
You say what needs to be said. Love it.
Rachel,
I think you said it perfectly. May I add one more thing? The wicked take the truth to be hard….Not saying necessarily that everyone who disagrees with you, Sheila, is wicked, but the idea is that if there is something in their lives that is not in harmony with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and you bring that subject up, they will be offended. It’s the Spirit’s way of telling us that there is something amiss in our lives. The Gospel of Christ has not changed – it will not change because GOD does not change. In today’s society, everything has become acceptable to the world – and if you disagree with that, you are “obviously narrow-minded and judgmental.” Christ may have hung out with the sinners, but he also told them to stop sinning. Remember the woman found in adultery? He didn’t condemn her but he did tell her to “sin no more”.
It takes courage to stand up for the Gospel of Jesus Christ – and we will be mocked at every turn….why should we be surprised to be any different than the Apostles? That being said, it’s exhausting, and defeating so often. Sheila, your blog has literally changed my life, my marriage and my heart. I honestly don’t know where my marriage would be without it. I thank you, and want you to know that you are doing a great work. I hope you find the strength to continue, even if that means changing how you do it. 🙂
I don’t find it odd to say “Here’s what I’m asking readers to realize: you may disagree with one post, but consider the blog as a whole.” It’s true. Just because you don’t like the post one day doesn’t make her judgemental, any maybe if it poked at you or someone else in some way that was the Holy Spirit trying to get your attention about an area of your own life.
She said she gets over 300,000 visitors a month to this blog. And I would Imagine that 80% do nothing more than read her posts and move on. It’s the ones who take time out of their day to criticize and cast their own stones that are at the root of the problem. And not being a stumbling block not only puts her in a position to be careful that her words are biblically sound, but it also puts you in a position to make sure than your censure is coming from a place that is pleasing to God as well.
Melissa, please don’t tell me you are missing the “spirit” of what Sheila said when she said, “Here’s what I’m asking readers to realize: you may disagree with one post, but consider the blog as a whole.” Or are you?
Of course, if Sheila *were* actually being judgmental and callous day in and day out on this blog, then you could possibly take her piercing column (which is primarily intended for a secular outlet) as her being judgmental and not Christ-like. However, it seems to me that she has a lot of proof that Christ is in her heart by the many, many posts here that show said evidence. Whether or not someone disagrees with her about her piercing posts does not negate that fact.
And, the comparison of Sheila’s piercing post and attending a party that has drugs, or voting for someone who is not Christian is comparing apples to oranges. They are not equal comparisons.
If you feel that by reading here, you are opening yourself up to becoming less Christlike and passive, you are free to leave. The same way a blogger has the freedom to state his/her opinion on his/her own blog, a reader has the same freedom to read or not read said blog. No need to comment with the thinly veiled opinion (which is really just picking a fight because something written rubbed you the wrong way) that you are “helping” one see they might be hurting their witness to others. Feel free to disagree respectfully, but leave that kind of intimate confrontation for Sheila’s husband and close, personal friends, the ones who would truly know her heart and intentions.
Thank you so much, George.
Amen and Amen! I totally agree with you George on every word.
Press on Sheila! If you feel you need to take a break, then yes indeed take that break.
If you feel like you need to stop because of commenters then I would ask you to strongly
reconsider. You help so many people and God is using you in marriages. The world is not for
marriage. The family unit is being attacked on every level. Satan does not like the work you are
doing here and will use others to discourage you and to doubt yourself. You are light in great darkness.
Shine sister!!
One last thing, you are about the only blog I read daily. I love you to pieces and would be heartbroken if you quit!
George, will you come comment on my blog? Pretty please? Every blogger needs a commenter like that. 😉
🙂
I think it is so important that we realize that putting others down, without lifting them up in Christ, is creating division in the Body of Christ. Satan just loves this (offense can be seen as the bait of Satan). We take our eyes off Jesus when we sit here and focus on the sawdust in the eyes of others, without ever noticing or giving consideration to our own planks. We take our eyes off Jesus when grace and love goes out the window when we are “correcting” someone in Christ. It then becomes about US, not Him. We also need to look at what the Word says, not our own feelings on the matter (a lesson I’m learning daily in my marriage). We have to clearly ask ourselves if we are being held captive by pride and legalism when we respond so negatively to another brother/sister in Christ. We all need GRACE. We all need one another. It makes me sad when I see such division in the Body of Christ, especially when Sheila has such a heart for helping others in His love. We all fall short to the glory of God…you, me, Sheila, everyone in this world. Even the most eloquent, devoted pastor will fail at some point. To hold each other to such outrageous standards of perfectionism, without grace or forgiveness, is such a recipe for disaster. This doesn’t give license for sin by any means, but we should be reminded that we all need encouragement, grace, and prayer. Sheila….you are awesome and I see your whole heart in Christ. It is my prayer that others will, too.
Melissa, I too want to respectfully disagree with you, on a few points,
1) I think you’re asking Sheila to do something that you would not do yourself. I, and a number of other commenters, think YOU are being judgmental, not her. She was stating facts. Will you then consider what we are saying and change your opinions? I doubt it. Do I blame you? No, because I think that’s probably a human response. I just think it’s unreasonable that you still demand that of someone else.
2) I think that because people you love are tattooed/pierced, you automatically became offended on their behalf (which is understandable and even honourable) but then took the opportunity to attack in righteous indignation, which required you to deliberately misinterpret Sheila’s post. Here’s what she was saying: The church SHOULD accept everyone and in many places (I hope) does. But the WORKPLACE has no such injunction, and it’s that real world in which we live. Therefore, should we not educate young people who may not have as much wisdom as their elders on the best way to get into that workplace? What good does it do to “express yourself” if you can’t put food on the table?
3) My husband and I, my brother and my father are in 3 completely separate, but stereotypically well-paying and respected, professions. Not one of our colleagues is visibly tattooed or pierced. (And these are completely different fields.) Is that a coincidence? I don’t think so. In YOUR life experience, having body art may not be a hindrance. If that’s the case, then that’s a perfectly valid point. But it is also a valid point for us to make that these things ARE a hindrance in our professions. (I’m speaking as someone who’s lived in many different parts of our continent, by the way, so it’s not like I’ve only seen one small town.) For a grown adult to say, “Any job that won’t look past my appearance isn’t worth my time” and choose to settle for a $20,000/yr job instead of a $150,000/yr one is perfectly fine. But for teens who don’t have the wisdom of adults, it is our responsibility to tell them that altering their bodies may indeed have that consequence. Whether that consequence SHOULD be there is a totally different issue. The fact is, it IS there. It’s like, to paraphrase another post on this blog, saying girls SHOULD be able to walk around alone at night in dangerous areas. Of course they should be able to. But they’re not. And I’ll be telling my daughter that even though it should not be the case.
4) We especially have the responsibility to educate youth who come from difficult backgrounds on this reality. I remember when I was younger in a magnet program, the teacher took a survey. Of the 25 kids in our class, only 1 had divorced parents. When I was an adult in grad school, my classmates noticed and commented among themselves that the percentage of students in our program who came from divorced or otherwise unstable homes was far below the national percentage. What this means is that kids from those backgrounds are already starting out way behind the starting line, and finding it hard to end up in the same place as kids from easier backgrounds. So we need to especially tell disadvantaged kids the truth so that they don’t push themselves even further behind, because many professions will not be open to them if their appearance is as has been described in this post. That’s just a fact. Again, maybe not in your experience, but definitely in mine and that of nearly everyone I know. And again, that’s NOT a good thing. It just is.
5) As it happens, my husband and my brother, two of the dearest people in the world to me, have tattoos. But both of them are in completely hide-able places, on purpose. Neither wanted to hurt their career advancement chances. No one outside of their family even knows they have them, because no one’s ever seen them. Now if someone believes that people with tattoos/piercings should be able to be CEOs, more power to you. Get into the system on the ground floor, and change it from within. That’s what Sheila was saying. Don’t tell kids it doesn’t matter and then let them hurt their chances of ever getting in in the first place.
6) Regarding your comments that you can’t ignore one blog post even if you agree with the rest of the blog, do you know any blogs with which you agree 100%? And if you do, how on earth do you find them? I’d love to know — I never have myself!
For the record, I don’t know Sheila, and I haven’t been reading her blog long, so I’m not a sycophant. I just think that the arguments you put forth were not based on logic, and it appeared that many people were, to repeat myself, deliberately misunderstanding her in order to justify their anger. She wasn’t talking about the church. She never said she judged anyone. She was talking about the real world, which does not follow Jesus. That was the point.
Thank you, Yvette.
I did mention that I had a part in it and that I was referring to both HER opinion, and the words of those replying to her. If we are just going to spout out our opinions and not consider their repercussions, we are all in trouble. Sheila states her opinion and calls out those that dress or look different—> Sheila is called out for her statement by numerous people —-> Those numerous people are called out for calling her out —-> Sheila feels damaged and doesn’t understand. As you can see, it’s an endless cycle, and somewhere it should stop, or not have started. As a blogger, with a platform, had Sheila thought of her words and how they would come across to those that dress/look “scary” and “ugly” to her, maybe she would not have to hear words that she doesn’t like. As a Christian, whether this column on Friday was a secular column or not, SHE IS A CHRISTIAN. So, let’s take that “if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all” statement made by a few people here and apply it to SHEILA and there would have never been an issue. It’s also clear that this was not the first time a column has caused her to question her writing. Logic says, if it’s not working, do it a different way. If the delivery is not received well, maybe you should consider softening up your words – after all, is it your goal to reach those that disagree with you and minister to them, or is it your goal to state your opinion because you feel you can?
As far as the comments to me that “You would not say this in person” “It’s easy to speak on the internet and hide” and other various things. You don’t know me…I am very outspoken, I too have opinions, I also write, and am 100% able to say that I would say this in person. I am just as outspoken and honest as Sheila…but the difference is I OWN IT.
Had she started her column, or even replied to me and countless others with “I realize this may not be everyone’s opinion, but it’s how I feel and I wanted to speak it” or “I’m sorry you disagree, but I stand with what I said.” Had she OWNED it instead of touting that she didn’t say this or that, or continuing to backpeddal, I could respect it…I don’t respect the pity party and surprise at her putting out an opinion and being upset that others disagree with her opinion!
Some of the comments here: “it’s so sad that people post comments without thinking what they are about to say”
“They do not put any thought into it and make constructive comments. They don’t turn the “check valve” on between their brain and their mouth.”
EXACTLY! Had Sheila, thought of her words, and her witness when writing her blog and then followed up with constructive comments, not ones about her opinion on scary and ugly people…this would be non-issue.
It seems that when you don’t want to get it, you won’t. I’m glad to know that it has become an issue and has gotten to you, Sheila. As I said before, if you don’t know, and are never told that your words are hurtful, you can’t change them. You’ve stated that the blog yesterday wasn’t the first controversial one, or the first one to upset you or disagree with you…that should tell you something. You can’t get upset when you speak your opinion, and others speak theirs. Just doesn’t work that way.
When we allow and promote discrimination and feelings of disdain and non-acceptance of others, we are not acting Christlike. You’ve said a few times that your blog/that column is not Christian. YOU are Christian, so, anything you do or say should be of Christ.
I’m out.
” YOU are Christian, so, anything you do or say should be of Christ.”
This is exactly what Sheila has been doing.
In general, if you don’t agree with what is written on a blog, find a different blog to read or a good book. There is no need to comment or attack the blogger.
Still, you are missing your point. What about your words and delivery of the point? You do have excuse for what you wrote while attacking someone this way? You are out cause you are out of arguments.
If we are, and we are, called not to be a stumbling block to others, should we think of our words before we throw judge at someone? I think yes.
I can write something, but I can’t make anyone taking it the right way. It depends of our perception, education and emotional intelligence.
For my taste, I can call your comment “judgmental” because you are viewing things only from your own perspective, but I will not throw that comment just like that. I don’t know you at all, so I don’t want to conclude things just like that.
It is easy to conclude, throw the stone and we did our part as Christians.
I hope you’ll think twice before you write anything like that in future. I am not stating this things in order to defend Sheila, I am sure she is capable of doing it by herself, neither to hurt you or put you down, just I hope you will rethink in the future.
ok its fine to state your opinion and disagree with her once but don’t keep coming at her and keep calling her judgmental. Gods says we all make mistakes so leave it be !! if you dont like her post then dont read her blog no more simple as that .
Sheila,
I don’t read your blog every day. I’m more of a grazer. But I have found some great truths in reading your blog (and your book). You offer a great perspective and biblically sound advice.
When I was actively blogging, I was fortunate to not have any hateful comments, but I also wrote mostly “fluff” stuff. I didn’t put myself out there like you do.
I spent many years involved in an online ministry (at times e-mail based and at other times forums based) and I was constantly amazed at how women (Christian–the target audience of our group) could be loving and supportive one day and down right nasty the next because they disagreed. I’ve had women vehemently refuse another woman’s offer to pray for them because they didn’t feel they prayed to the same God. (What harm would it do?)
I’ve learned that the anonymity of the internet allows people to vent and run. In just seconds, you can respond with your first instinct. Then you run away. As far as the commenter is concerned, it’s over. But the author is left with a gapping wound. I’ve sadly, heard it said that “Christians are the only army that kills it’s own wounded.” I wish that were less true.
I can’t tell you what to do. I completely understand your desire to go back to a quiet, peaceful existence. And I wouldn’t blame you if you did. But I hope, somehow, you are able to carry on. Because you do have a unique voice and a unique perspective.
I will close my comment with lyrics from Steven Curtis Chapman “Meant to Be”
You were meant to be touching
The lives that you touch
And meant to be here
Making this world so much more
Than it would be without you in it
You were meant to be bringing
The gifts that you bring
And singing the songs
You’ve been given to sing
You are perfectly, wonderfully,
Beautifully meant to be
You were meant to be
I know that would be so hard for me too! I don’t understand it when people eat at a restaurant for years, then ONE TIME they are there and the service or food isn’t what they have come to expect, and they never eat there again… and tell everyone how awful it is now. That seems very similar to what you are saying people do.
Anyways, I have read your blog for several months (And bought your book The good Girls Guide!) and have been nothing but encouraged! Nobody agrees with someone all the time! Hugs for you and praying you will do what you feel the Lord leading you to!
Sheila, you have helped my marriage immensely. So much that you have written, and answers to my comments, and answers to private emails, has truly blessed me. Your blog was for the most part the only blog I read while I was dealing with some really difficult things in my marriage, and the things you wrote gave me hope and faith that we would be healed, you helped me develop a better attitude towards my husband, and gave me effective tools to reach out to him. You are a blessing to hundreds of thousands of people! You have an extremely caring heart. Maybe Satan is just aiming all the arrows at you that he can, because he knows how many people you reach with God’s truth and love, and help for marriages, and he wants to put an end to it! I’m a very sensitive person, so I can only imagine how much I would be hurt to receive so many cruel comments when I was trying to do the right thing. Keep holding on to your Father, Sheila. He loves you, and knows your heart, and there are so many of us out here who support you!
I believe that everyone is entitled to their opinion. I would hate to see you abort what you feel God called you to do because of what others have said. I enjoy reading your post and even though some things I may not agree with I still understand that you have a right to express yourself. Be encouraged and keep doing what you do best.
Thanks for doing what you do, Sheila. Yours was one of the first blogs I stumbled over when I started looking into marriage blogs. In the face of some overwhelming attacks I believe you’ve been as graceful as any person could be expected to be. We’ve definitely been discouraged by some things that have come against us at SongSix3, but nowhere near the volume you receive here. I simply cannot imagine what you go through on a daily basis. I also have to admit to sometimes being a bit “over-sensitive”! 😉
I must agree with David above… cut back on the daily load to give yourself some time to refresh and recover. Spend some of that time with the Lord to make sure your heart and mind is renewed, and in a good place before you start in on the next day’s writings. But don’t quit. What you do is important!
In Christ,
~Jason
People can be nasty, can’t they? 🙁
I can think of a fifth option — ask someone else that you trust to moderate the comments to your blog & public e-mail. Then you can continue ministering, and that person can let you know if there is something you should be aware of, and you won’t have to get verbally punched as much. 🙂
I think that is a good suggestion also. Too bad these comments don’t have “like” buttons like on fb!
I think that is a great suggestion!! Especially if you are manning everything and a life besides… Take care of yourself, set some boundaries! ?
Well, Sheila, it’s “funny” that you would write this today. Here I just finished having a big conversation with my husband this morning about how much I appreciate your deep and thoughtful writing, your courage to tackle some hard issues, and your lovely spirit through it all. So my encouragement to you would be a “no!” don’t stop writing! But not without sympathy for your suffering through people’s unkind and rude remarks. I honestly don’t know how you do it! Maybe you shouldn’t allow comments? (When you write a newspaper column, there’s no place for it is there?) I also agreed with the gal earlier who said maybe you don’t need to write quite so much…perhaps cut back a bit and give yourself some rest – you do so much.
The Lord bless you and I’ll be praying for wisdom and strength as you seek what He would have you do.
Hi Sheila, I just read the comments on your previous article that you posted about peircings, etc. I hadn’t even read your article, but noticed a comment that disputed your opinion and I got curious! It was written kindly, and you conversed back with her. After peeking at it I felt that I wanted to write to you to commend you for the way you put yourself out there and up for criticism. I feel passionately about marriage like you do, and I am glad that there are people out there like you willing to write truth even when it risks offending. You write these things in love. I shared you recent article: hope for hurting marriage on a group page Trish and I started. It opened up a good conversation – conversation which is needed. We live in a world where advice for troubled marriages is usually “oh – you deserve so much better than that!” People need to hear that there are ways through the tough stuff, and that putting our hope in God, and trusting him to guide us can lead to a fully redeemed and healed marriage.
That being said, I understand feeling worn down. Pray about it, and pray some more 🙂 I will pray for you. Sometimes asking a good friend to pray with you helps alot. But do keep fighting the good fight! looking forward to getting one of your very good books into the hands of many – we will be launching our campaign very soon! (finally 🙂
I’m sorry that people have been out to hurt or offend. I guess my thoughts are this: If God has called you to it, He will guide you through it. Anytime we tweek peoples convictions, or face them to see truth in another light than their own…. we are going to get a variety of “heck” for it all. But if you feel that what you have to say is God inspired and for His glory……….. don’t give up. Good thing is… there are delete buttons! Prayers for you to find a special grace and keep on writing!!!
I am so sorry that you have to hear all the hurtful things that people feel they need to say to make themselves feel better.
I just want to let you know how much you have truly helped me and my young marriage (2 years). I stumbled across your blog and read and read and read. I read everything I could that you had to say about marriage. I didn’t agree with it all but the majority of it helped me tremendously! Then I bought your book; “Good Girls Guide to Great Sex.” Again, did I agree with every single word you said? No. But the over all message of the book was stellar! You helped me to see what I could do differently in the marriage bed to make my entire marriage better. IT WORKED! And I am going to give it to my sister-in-law to read as well!
I guess what I am trying to say is that I am so grateful to you for all you do. Thank you for being such a strong woman who helps so many people!
Thank you! Thank YOU! THANK YOU!!
Hi Sheila! Just wanted to stay I love your blog and have purchased several of your products – including the speaking modules – which I love. I hope you will continue to speak out. Not just because it is truth, but because it inspires people like me to step out and speak the truth as well. However, you do need to guard your heart. Would it be possible to hire someone to filter out the truly vile and hurtful comments on your behalf? This way you can continue to minister to those who need it while closing the door on hatefulness.
Blessings!
Sade
First off if you quit a year ago, I wouldn’t have found you and have grown in my marriage. I appreciate how you share things from your heart and it’s biblically based! We hear the other side FAR too often and I find it refreshing that you share the kind of content that you do. I always tell my husband how much I love how you write!!! And I often share with him and he likes it too! (And he’s a big Ravi fan… more into apologetics and politics whereas I’m more into relationship stuff so I love that he likes your posts too!)
Second of all, I vented today about all the anti-christian comments, pics, jokes on FB. It’s become socially acceptable to bash us. A friend encouraged me by reminding me that Jesus said we would be scoffed at and hated. Goes with the territory. So in your efforts to encourage and help people grow, it’s just a part of it.
I would continue and not let them stop you. That’s what they’d prefer anyway! Why not consult other bloggers who deal with the same issues and ask how they approach this issue?
Praying for strength and clarity for you! You are my favorite blogger!!!!
In Christ’s Love,
Mary
FIrst, I am sending you virtual (((HUGS))) and sending up prayers for you. Second, I just want to say thank-you for just being you. Not a single one of us is perfect and because He created everyone of us differently that will mean that we all will not think exactly the same. I admire and respect you for sharing your heart on an on-going basis. I am an email subscriber and read your posts regularly, though I don’t often come by to comment (laziness I suppose), but I am always either inspired or provoked to thought by what you have to say. I say shame on those who indiscriminately attack anyone who is willing to put themselves out there with a passion to help and to ministry without thought to what they are doing to that person’s heart. How much better would it be to agree to disagree with some resemblance of true Christianity and love. While, in my own personal selfishness, I hope that you do not stop sharing yourself, I totally understand and will continue to pray for your ministry, because there is a big need for it in the Church.
Again, I want to express how much I appreciate you being true to yourself and His calling.
(Just have to give you one more virtual (((hug))).)
Lift up your head, sweet one, and look into your Father’s eyes. He will tell you what you need to know and give you his strength to walk the answer through. You are not alone in this conflict, and your struggling through these questions for the best answer is part of the solution for your “next.”
Dig in; hunker down; absorb the beauty of the changing season. God is birthing something in you that cannot be birthed any other way.
The best is yet to be; with Jesus, the best is always yet to be.
peace~elaine
I wish there was a “like” button for this. Wow. Simply. WOW.
I have been so so SO blessed by your blog (and your book, The Good Girl’s Guide). I would greatly miss your blog, but I would definitely understand if you need a break or to stop completely. I am so sorry that people have been so rude and judgmental. I don’t understand why people get so emotionally caught up in things that they are okay with becoming so rude and unloving as to call people’s motives and faith into question. You have a such a gift for writing and you are so bold to speak the truth in love. I don’t know that I have always agreed with you, but your heart is always apparent…and it is always apparent that you are speaking in love. May God bless you tremendously with wisdom, grace, and strength right now!
I’m so sorry this has happened. I think every blogger deals with this from time to time. Kudos to you for having the guts to say something about it. I think readers sometimes forget there is a HUMAN behind the blog, and they need to be as courteous in written comments as they would be in person.
I can’t make your decision for you, but please know you have supporters regardless. I will pray for you. I know that God can use you to bless others in any format.
Carrie 🙂
I personally thank you for your bravery on the topics you tackle. I can’t tell you the freedoms that I have found, feeling guilty or sinful for some of my ideas about sex, relationships and parenting, feelings that left me quite up tight. Your words have helped me filter through truths vs non-truths that I struggled with. I am enjoying my relationship with my husband, guilt free. I say God Bless you for breaking the mold. So 2 things come to my mind in your type of Ministry, 1) building stronger marriages & families the way God designed equals raging wars from the pits of Hell….a marriage lacking the connection that God designed it to have is not nearly as dangerous as a marriage that is full of passion and love for one another and 2) Our war is not against flesh and blood. Yes these are people who are hurtful and rude, but really what is that is behind that? I know that God will guide you in your next steps. Whatever your blog future holds remember for all those that speak out against you, there are even more that you have touched and changed that you might never hear from. You have helped me, and had this post never been posted you might not have even known….. Sweet Blessings and may God lift the burdens that aren’t from Him so you can hear from Him clearly. <3
Please don’t stop! I love your blog, and our marriage has grown leaps and bounds and it is all thanks to the honesty and transparency of your blogs. Thank you for all you do.
Thank you for your blog and for sharing your heart. It is interesting to me how bold people can be with the written word – blogs, facebook, emails, etc. – because you are not face-to-face with the person and you don’t have to see how your words affect them. It is harder to say harsh words (for most people) when you will be faced with an immediate and physical reaction from the other person – tears, anger, violence?
I don’t think you should stop blogging. But maybe, just maybe a “happy medium” would be to not load your column to this blog? Since that is written to be more for everyone and not just Christians, it probably draws more criticism? However, you need to be true to yourself, and if you feel that needs to be shared, continue to do so.
Do you have some chocolate and a good movie to watch? Take the night (or weekend), snuggle with your honey and escape the internet world! We’ll still be here on Monday. :0)
Chocolate sounds good. 🙂
First, I’d like to say THANK YOU for your posts. Your book “A Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex” has been an answered prayer! I was physically abused and sexually violated when I was a young girl and your book helped me open up to my husband! Before getting married, I knew this was going to be a big bump in our relationship if I didn’t deal with it before hand. I’ve been married for just a little over a month now and your blog gives me GREAT advice on how to keep my marriage not only healthy sexually but spiritually as well! With all this said, I also am not the one writing it and reading the negative comments. I completely understand your desire to not go through with the blogging, especially if its negatively affecting you spiritually! No matter how selfish I want to be (by wanting to beg you to keep blogging) you have to do what’s best for yourself and your relationship with God and your family! And so I’ll end this post with a big ole Thank You again! You are in my prayers Sheila!
Your blog makes me feel normal. Thank you for blessing me!
Shelia,
I discovered your blog a couple of months ago & it has made such a positive impact on my marriage & I’m in the middle of reading your wonderful book. I’m NOT a big blog reader & I love yours. This post does break my heart because it hits home. While I’ve never been a blogger, I was on FaceBook & attempted to speak the Truth in love. I was very, very hurt by friends (people I actually know & see on a daily basis) writing terrible things on my wall or attacking me via comments when they didn’t agree me on a “touchy” issue. (I know you know what those are, you write about them all the time!) I remember being physically ill reading some of the horrible insults that people wrote. My sweet husband assured me that many times people write things that they would never actually say to my face & that can be one of the dangers of the whole online social aspect. I tryed to stay out of the fray but when my simple status updates began to be taken the wrong way, I left FB. All of this to say I’m so sorry about what you’re going through & I think it’s very sad that people can’t discuss differing opinions on an issue without attacking the person behind the opinion.
As I was reading your post a verse came to mind in 1 Samuel. The Isrealites were angry with Samuel because they wanted a king & Samuel cryed out to God, “And the LORD told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king.” 1 Sam 8:7. Perhaps I’m taking this verse totally out of context here but I do think your blog is a vessel for the Lord & it really isn’t you hurt & angry people are rejecting.
Please, take my plea to keep going. We need other’s opinions and views to help round us all out. I’ve just started reading your posts in the last 6 months or so and they’ve been a source for discussion, many times, for my husband and me. So, I hope you’ll continue and know that you make a difference! Many, many thanks and prayers for His renewed spirit for you!
thank you for having this blog. it has been helpful to me and encouraging.
Galatians 1:10
Becoming obsessed with what people think of you is the quickest way to forget what God thinks of you.
Wow, what a struggle. I am going to take a different tack though. And I say these things in love, because I do believe in you.
1) Did God tell you to do this blog? If so, then keep doing it until He leads you elsewhere.
2) Does what others say about you one way or another affect your standing spiritually with God? (I hope the answer is no) Then pay no mind to what “they” say. Paul went to prison for what “they” said, and He changed the world one word at a time from that prison cell. He wrote, and I am sure people called him judgmental and a myriad of other things, but this is why he said “I know in whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I have committed unto Him against that day.” 2 Timothy 1:12
As one writer to another, be Paul. Write. It is what you do. I think a writer without a reader is like a lung without oxygen, but maybe that is just me.
3) Invest your time and your message where it is most effective. While we are all called to reach out to the lost, some have a special calling for it. Some of us minister to people who are already saved more effectively. Perhaps you need to rethink who your audience is. I hope you pick that last one, because I fall in that category and would love to read more of your thoughts and advise.
4) You are not alone. While some people have said some truly horrible things those should not deter you. The people supporting you now: family, readers, other bloggers, these people are with you too. By doing what you do (write) you have opened the door for many people to minister in ways they did not think they would or could. I have felt inspired by the Spirit to share encouragement on your site through comments that I know where for specific people. It was God using me to minister to a person I never would have met in person, and it was timely and Godly encouragement when they needed it. Your faithfulness opens doors of ministry you did not realize were going on.
5) (And I say this with all the love I can) Get over it. Put your big girl panties on and get it together my friend. We were never promised that by following our purpose in life everyone else would “get” us. We were told ahead of time that the way may be hard, but God would equip us to get through it. I have been there and I know how hard it is when you feel unappreciated and rejected. You have written about those two topics before. Now it is time to get past this for yourself. This battle is not yours. It belongs to God. He has called you, made you for a purpose. created you for this time and you have to get over the navel gazing and get back to the call God has for you.
I know what I type here can sound harsh. It is a little bit of a slap in the face. But I write these things in love because I know that it is often darkest before dawn. If you have been like Jacob, wrestling with God, then it is time to realize this: you are blessed. Now get up and live your best life, in Him, on purpose. I hope that means you will keep asking the “tough” questions, but if not, then you do what God leads you to do. As long as you are following God’s will for your life the way is straight. However, He never said it wouldn’t be bumpy.
I am praying for you.
Oh, Dayna, you made me laugh! Thank you for that.
Thanks for writing this blog, Sheila. I have honestly envied you a little at times because most of the comments below are positive and engaging; but as you say, we don’t see all the rude ones you delete. So, I took it for granted that you didn’t have to deal with the sort of biting criticism and ad hominem attacks that I deal with doing pro-life blogging/advocacy. I admire you all the more now knowing that you have to deal with the same sort of grief. The worst is when a person can’t disagree in a civil manner and has to cut a person down to size as well. It’s a cruel and I think there are those who greatly enjoy giving people a “piece” of their mind. Jesus said the world hated Him, so they’ll hate us too. But it’s so much more painful when the hard judgements come from fellow Christians. Of course you are judgemental – we all are! But there’s a difference between judging an action/behavior and judging someone’s heart. I’ve never felt that you were judging anyone’s heart – just looking at behavior and comparing it to Biblical standards. People don’t like to feel conficted and often lash out when their conscience is pricked. I don’t know how you can do that much writing in a day – I’d be so exhausted! 🙂
Just wanted to say I appreciate your blog and just started following. I don’t get to read everything every day, but I appreciate what I do read. I may not always agree with everything every one posts but we all need to be respectful. I hope that you can delete those comments and not let them get you down or put a stop to what you believe in (which I think is helping the rest of us have healthy Christian marriages). I will pray for you. Thank you for what you do, I really appreciate you!
I absolutely appreciate all your efforts, Sheila. You truly speak the things that others are afraid to say. And in many cases, I think that people are offended because the world has tainted our view of morality and what is truly right and wrong.
I may not comment every time with my affirmation of your thoughts, but I’m thinking it every time I read your blog.
Thank you SO much for what you do. Whatever you decide, I will support you. I would definitely be disappointed though, if you quit blogging. You are being the voice of truth in a very twisted and sinful world.
Sheila, I pray that you will hear specifically from our Lord on what to do with your blog. It is a sad thing that some people use social networking things to speak harshly. I pray that the wounding you have received will be washed away completely and that you will be renewed in His strengths! I LOVE your blog, and appreciate your honesty. You are brave for your honesty, and admitting your humanness. I am sending love and prayers for restoration!
Tammy
We all have to be careful with twisting scripture to fit our own human motives/ agendas. By saying we are to not be stumbling blocks to fellow Christians we can also forget to do everything in LOVE. If we don’t have love for one another we have nothing! We can say that we didn’t mean to bruise someone or be hurtful but when that sentence is followed by a “but” or a “however” we miss the mark!
I just found your blog a couple of months ago, and though I pretty much never comment, I read your posts at least once a week. I love your blog and have been pointing all my married and engaged friends to your site. There’s so many women out there who are looking for some honesty and some one who’s willing to talk about the tough stuff about marriage and sex and just be bluntly honest. There’s not many women who are willing to do that and it is soo needed. All that to say, please keep blogging! It takes a lot of guts to say what you do. The Church has been silent way to long so the world has held the market on sex and marriage. Keep up the good work and let the chatter boxes who love to gossip and make correcting other people their live’s work rant on. Their just clanging symbols and gongs.
Sheila, I SO appreciate what you do. I’m a pastor’s wife & I see marriages falling apart all around me. Your words have made a difference in MY marriage. Thank you for standing up for marriage, for speaking up, and for putting yourself out there. I hope you’ll stick around, but I’ll understand if you don’t. Praying for God’s strength, peace, and comfort for you.
Your blog and book opened a world of healing, hope and laughter, but you must do what is best for you and your family. Wish you’d be able to speak near Albany, Ny!
I live not too far from Albany! So if you know a church that’s interested in a really cool women’s evening, let me know!
I’m actually from Albany, NY, too! The Albany campus at lifechurch.tv is worth a shot. They did a Sisters event last month.
I also wanted to say THANK YOU to you, Sheila! Your book has been an answered prayer. I was physically abused and sexually violated as a young girl and it has stayed with me until my adult years. I knew before I was married that this was going to be an issue in my husband and I’s relationship. Your book has been a blessing for our relationship, you addressed the hard subjects and I couldn’t be more thankful! When I finished your book your blog has been just as helpful! With that, no matter how much I want to beg for you to keep writing, I can’t be selfish! In not the one reading the negative comments everyday (even in this very post). If its affecting you spiritually, emotionally, and physically then it may be time to call it quits! Especially if its affecting your own personally relationships with God and yore family! I just want to encourage you and add a big ole Thank You again! You are making a difference!
Sheila,
I can SO relate to the weariness of it all. I’ve hardly blogged in the past year since I began working outside the home. It takes a lot of emotional energy to write a post that will impact. And mine are only impacting a few loyal folks these days, not hundreds of thousands.
All I can tell you is this…
– Keep doing what God’s calling you to do. Do it for Him, not us.
– Haters gonna hate. Some people spend their days posting comments to stir up controversy. There’s no stopping them.
– What you say and do matters. You can see it in the comments. Your words impact us, bless us, encourage us, and challenge us.
Thank you for being you. For being honest. For being real. You are a blessing.
Sheila. I have just read your heart. Thank you for the privilege of doing so.
This was one of your best line (s): “…because I’m not supposed to admit weakness; I’m supposed to be strong and sure of my faith and my stance and confident so that people will like me and perhaps keep following me or buy my books. That’s what marketing experts tell me. But I can’t do that all the time. I am weak. I do question myself. I do get tired…”
How real you are. How honest and vulnerable you are and I love that in you. I have heard you speak a few times and I always have that ‘Wow!’ feeling every time I hear you. The wisdom you proffer is always dead on and your blog is no exception. No, I don’t always agree with what you say (I did have my kiddos sleep with me sometimes :):)) but that is my opinion. I don’t think you would necessarily judge me a bad person for doing so…and I don’t judge you a bad person for saying what you think.
Do you know Michael Bull Roberts from Tender Heart Street Ministries in Toronto? We had him speak in our community (in our church) two weeks ago. We had 450 people out to see him – that’s a lot for our little old small town. Michael is a 6’4″ 400lb man with a past and he is covered in tattoos from head to toe. Thanks to the unconditional love and Grace of God – he has found his place in the world and it includes Jesus. Michael gets judged ALL the time because of his ‘exterior’ and his ‘no holds-barred’ manner of telling about his love story with God. But that is one passionate man. He still tries to love those who judge him. Christians, he tells me, are the worst for trying to squeeze him into a nice tidy Christian box. But let me tell you, he can relate and get a message across to the downcast, the marginalized, the abused and the forgotten. He is doing what he has to do in the name of Christ.
Sheila, go beyond the critical. You CAN and obviously DO relate to the ones who need to hear your message. Yes, it’s okay to see how people respond, and some will be brutal, but remember and realize God’s calling to YOU! Obviously you are reaching some very grateful women (and men) with what is obviously your raison d’etre! I was challenged by Michael’s visit. I am now extremely challenged by your passion. This is a crazy world we live in and guess we cannot really stop the casting of stones – especially now that we are so ‘high tech.’ But one thing we can do is remember WHY we do what we do. Because of your courage, you know you won’t only be stroked. You will raise the ire of those who think you wrong. Brush the dust off and pray for them. I wish I could be only half as brave as you, my friend. This is your blog and the great part about that is you can quit if you want or delete comments, or retaliate. I think there are a lot of women out there who need you, though, so be wise and sure about what you do. But most importantly check in with Jesus, first! Hugs
Thank you, Glynis. And yes, I know Michael. I met him at Write Canada I think two or three years ago? He does have an amazing story of God’s grace.
Thank you so much for your encouragement. It means a lot from someone who knows me “in the flesh” too!
Sheila, Your book and blog have been refreshing and brought healing in my marriage. Praying for you.
I just found your blog, and I personally enjoy reading opinionated blogs. I am excited about your upcoming ebook and plan on getting your book. I found your blog recently, during a season in my marriage where I was very discouraged. Thank you for telling it like it is. You have no idea how many people in the church get angry when you ask them to share about parts of their marriage that they deem “private”…even with a somewhat newlywed who is struggling in those areas. Thank you!
This post saddens me greatly. I just recently found you. Have been sending most all my married friends, and one dating friend, links to your facebook page, your general blog topics and specific blogs. I love your advice and have been through A LOT of what you post about. Your truth would have hurt me then, just like it did when I was told it, but when I saw past pain and couldn’t think of any other way, I listened to what I was told. When I did that, many things changed. I changed the way I saw my husband. My husband began to change without me telling him how. My family changed. It hurt like the dickens! Still does when I forget what I should be doing. But now, I have a little more maturity to see the other side before being blinded by the pain. I don’t always get to read your posts on the day you post them and usually come back days later. I pray you keep the site. Many couples, because I have noticed guys respond here too, need to hear the topics you so adamantly conquer on here. Since many are too busy, lazy, or uninterested in attending marriage seminars, this is an easy way for them to learn how to treat their spouse, have a Godly relationship, raise a loving family, etc.
And when it comes down to it, everyone is judgmental. Everyone has an opinion, therefore everyone is judgmental. Please don’t allow a few emotionally attacked women, or men, to pull on you. It sounds like an attack from the enemy to get you stop a ministry that is really reaching the masses. I understand the vulnerability, but I also understand the fight. Remember the many scriptures that speak of standing firm in the fight. I look forward to more insightful posts and will begin making a habit of thanking you (without the distraction of the comments) and letting you know at least one appreciates you.
Sheila, I just wrote a comment but it’s way too long to post.
Just know that there is always going to be a “shoot the messenger if you don’t like how the message makes you feel” crowd. And unfortunately, it’s that crowd that seems to have time to go around telling everyone else how bad they are.
To those people I’d like to say “Why don’t you go get your own blog, labor over it day and night, put your heart out there on the line and then come back and tell me how perfect you are. Better yet, don’t come back, just stay on your own blog.”
Yes, I’m a litte bit sarcastic. But really, if people don’t like what you have to say why do they come back?
Anyway, how about hiring someone to moderate your comments? Actually, not hire. I bet you’ve got a loyal reader who would do it for you. Have them just delete the ridiculous ones. The ones that are just spouting their hurtful words and not even trying to contribute to a meaningful conversation. That would allow you to still stay in touch with your readers by seeing their comments but you’d be somewhat insulated from the venom that seems so prevalent.
Thank you, Beth. That’s a really practical suggestion, and I will think about that.
Dawn Eden who has blogged for years about chastity early on had a very detailed comment policy called The Harris Protocol. Later she gave up and went to a simple one “Be nice to other commenters and be nice to me.” For a good description of what this means see http://dawneden.blogspot.com/2006/09/new-comments-rules.html
Frank Viola is a prolific blogger and book writer on the Supremacy of Christ, and various church issues. He has someone else moderate his blog and his policy is here. http://frankviola.org/rules/
It is sad that you have to spell out to Christians how to treat other, but sadly that is the case.
Hang in there.
Rich
Thanks, Rich! And I just had such a nice email from Shannon, whom you sent to me. Thank you for that! I’ll just reiterate an earlier question: does anybody know where specifically you go on WordPress to change the words that state your comment policy? I just need to figure that out.
Sheila, what specifically are you trying to change? Where is the comment policy you are speaking of? I can tell you how to change it but I need to see it first.
I just want to know where you can write a comment policy so that it pops up when people try to comment. Maybe I can talk to you about it when we skype next week!
Michael Hyatt’s blog and book Platform address this, and give specific language he uses to great affect.
Ack! I just started following your blog *this* week! You can’t stop now :o) I say turn off the comments. I know of other blogs with the comments turned off and it’s just fine. I dislike reading what people write most of the time anyway, because they type like they are just typing to a wall, not a person. Anyhow, I appreciate what you write, but I’m just one of many. Thank you, your blog has really been refreshing to me.
Typically, I try to read through most of the other comments and see if something I’m about to say has already been touched on before I post a comment, but this time I’m short on time and have other things I REALLY should be doing that are not on the computer, but I sat down to tend to something that really did need to be done and just give my feet a short break and I saw this post and I did want to say something, but not be here too long, so I’m not going to do that this time, so I apologize if I’m just repeating thoughts that have already been tossed around.
SO having said that.. With everything you’ve said on this one, I agree with most, and I completely see where you’re coming from. I get the feeling that maybe a lot of it kinda tipped with the piercings post? Maybe not – but when I read that one I could definitely see how a lot of people might have something to say about it, but I don’t want to get completely off topic here. Some of it, I kind of disagreed with, but most of the time, I think some of that comes from perspective. I do have a few piercings, and sometimes my dress is probably ‘weird’ but most of the time, almost everything I’m wearing comes with a story and tells about something that I like. But even so, I could still see where you were coming from there. I dress differently depending on where I’m going to be – some outfits I wear out with my husband, while I would not even think of wearing them to church (I even sometimes change my jewelry in my piercings for certain occasions) – not because they’re too cleavagy or anything like that – but just because I wouldn’t feel comfortable sitting in church in my brightly striped knee-high socks, big chunky boots, and Doctor Who t-shirt and skirt. Because I think they’re ‘wrong’? Nope, just because I wouldn’t feel comfortable, and I feel like maybe other people wouldn’t either. I wear the same skirt, but usually with a flowery shirt and simple brown boots. Something to that effect. I don’t say this to say you’re wrong – I’m saying I agree with you to a point and see where you’re coming from and what you’re trying to say. Honestly, sometimes I know I look goofy, but I like it, so it’s ok, lol. My husband even has some piercings and a tattoo (his wedding band used to irritate him, so he got part of the inscription tattoo’d on – boy, did that make me feel honored – showing that much faith in us 😀 a lot of people said things to him like “but what if you get divorced, etc” but I love that he doesn’t see it that way) I guess what I’m trying to say is – My opinion is that I think it’s ok to dress “however you want” but sometimes you should be mindful of what you’re trying to do and the people you’re going to be around. I even dress differently at some family functions depending on who’s going to be there. I suppose according to some, that would be considered “posing” or not being ‘true’ to myself, but I’m ok with that, because it makes me feel more comfortable.
Ooo, I did get off topic… lol! I just wanted to say that I did see that one, and in some ways disagree, but in others agree. But – I’m still reading your stuff 😀 So, SO many of your posts I read hit the nail RIGHT on the head, and in an uncanny number of times, RIGHT when I needed it. This reminded me of something I saw not too long ago about how sometimes we tend to completely shut people off if there’s one thing we disagree on – but having different opinions about one topic doesn’t mean that I think people should never hang out or associate with someone, or in your case, read their blog.
And I think you’re completely right to say that people should really be more mindful of HOW they disagree – I think a lot of times, on the internet, people say things they would NEVER say to someone if they were sitting there face to face. I guess sometimes people forget their manners 😀 And I’m truly sorry that it has hurt you so.
And here’s the thing I REALLY wanted to say when I started all this (I would make a horrible blogger… I tend to start one thing and end up running off on a billion other topics before I get around to the point 😛 Don’t fear though, I do this in ‘real life’ conversations too, LOL!). DON’T feel like that you should never show weakness, and never post about things that are bothering you. There’s a difference between complaining and being truthful. If you got on here everyday and told us about every little ache you had when you woke up and fussed about how the newspaper delivery was 5-10 minutes late all the time and you hated it because it wasn’t right on time the minute you wanted your coffee, that’d be complaining 😛 But this sounds serious, and is simply telling how you feel about a topic that matters to you.
I have a friend who has expressed a lot of discouragement lately with people who always talk about the great things, to the point trying to act like everything in life is perfect. It can make those of us who’re ‘normal’ feel pretty down about ourselves. When someone does admit that something in life isn’t exactly the way you wanted it and that sometimes things get us down – those are things we can relate to and let us know that we’re going to be ok, too. So if your back right calf muscle is slightly aching because you had to take 5 more steps than normal today, then maybe keep it to yourself. But when something this major that is so much a part of what you do everyday is bothering you THIS much, especially because of people who are being hurtful when they really shouldn’t, then by all means – speak out! And then, do whatever you need to do to make it ok with you. I’d hate to see you stop blogging because it’s very often very helpful to me (for example, when you spoke out about the Pearl’s and some of the damage taking some of the things they say to heart can do – I’ve carried their voice around in the back of my head for years terrified that one mistake or the other I might make would be the splinter that tore apart our entire family and I’d have to answer to God for that, alone, but again – off topic – but your words on that were a SERIOUS uplifting to my heart), but if that’s what you need, then you need to take care of you.
Look at that.. I went on way longer than I meant to. Did I mention I’d make a terrible writer? 😀 I hope though that something I’ve said will be encouraging or helpful. I enjoy your blog, I loved your commercial for your latest book, and I plan to buy it soon. I love the tone of almost everything you write. I can’t recall ever feeling like you were being condescending or judgemental like I do when I read some other writers. I will pray for you. I hope you find a solution that works and helps your heart.
Thank you for that! I have this whole other “honest” post that’s been in my head for a while now, and I think I’ll have to write that one, soon, too!
I’ve quit reading more “christian” blogs than I care to remember just because I could. not. take. the comments *coughboundlesslinecough*. I’ve also quit more small groups than I care to remember just because I could not take the stupidity. Same principle. You’re not alone in wondering what the heck happened to the world. We devolved into a bunch of monkeys I guess, our collective IQ dropping along with any form of culture and refinement. I see the collapse of Christian discourse as a part of the general collapse of societal intelligence and discourse, because we are after all the products of our larger culture whether we like it or not. I don’t think it’s reversible either so I think maybe you might be better off taking a break and praying about it, or just not allowing comments.
Whoever cares the least, wins.
I think our society too often permits and encourages people to speak harshly to and about one another. I was on Twitter last night during the U.S. vice-presidential debate, and it was appalling how personal and cruel some of the attacks on these candidates were. It wasn’t about their opinions, records, policies, but rather who they were as people.
What you’re talking about, Sheila, I have seen on my blog as well. I’m sure you have it in spades with a much high readership and more posts, but I can relate to feeling bogged down when a single statement in a 800-word blog post among hundreds of blog posts on your site becomes the subject of a personal attack by a reader. I’m not talking about people who disagree; I have published comments from people who vehemently disagree with a stance I take and do so respectfully. It’s the below-the-belt attack on your heart that makes you wonder why you subject yourself to that. Would I let someone slap me if they were standing in my face? No. So why do we do it on our blogs? Hmmm.
That said, I know that you are helping many, many more people than you have naysayers. God has obviously gifted you to speak the truth where others would be shaken.
I would encourage readers to understand a few things, though:
(1) It takes a LONG time to thoughtfully answer those who bring up issues about a post, and we have lives. My laundry piles up, and my kids need feeding. I know how that is. So if Sheila doesn’t immediately cover over here and take issue with someone who attacked another commenter, she might be–oh, I don’t know–going grocery shopping so her family doesn’t starve. Give a little grace here because it takes more time than you might realize to moderate blog conversations.
(2) You will not agree with anyone 100%. I absolutely ADORE Sheila’s Good Girl’s Guide book and recommend it heartily to wives and brides. It’s excellent! That said, do I agree with EVERYTHING Sheila said 100% percent? Nope. If you only worship and engage with others who are exactly like you, well, I don’t think you’d get married, have friendships, maintain a job, or be in a church for very long. Look at the principles of the blogger, glean her great advice, and think hard about where you disagree. You might find that your disagreement indicates an issue in your own life or simply that you don’t see eye to eye with Sheila or me or whoever. We’re really okay with that.
(3) You don’t have to read this blog. There is one person out there in particular who has made it his life’s mission to attack Sheila (get a life, dude!). If you really don’t agree with a blogger 90% of the time, why are you getting your blood pressure up going there? Do you think that your personal attacks will have the effect of the blogger suddenly saying one day, “You’re right. I think I’ll see it your way now”? Not likely. Start your own blog and espouse your opinion if you want.
Sorry if I hijacked the comments section, here, Sheila. You know I have felt similarly before. As for what you should do, I’d suggest you and I take a Caribbean cruise and give it some long hard thought and prayer while resting poolside. I’m sure we could come up with something. 😉
I, concur with all that J has said. I am new to the blog world and have felt the negativity, as well. Sheila, you have helped SO MANY MORE than those who comment. There are 289,000ish readers last month who read you and took something positive away and did not comment!!!!!
When I was feeling spiritual warfare a month or so, ago. A good blogger friend asked me to remember WHO I was really blogging for. It isn’t for your audience, it is for Jesus. Because YOU are his hands and feet in the marital sexual arena. You are doing an amazing job, Sheila, to restore marriage to what God intended. I know HE is pleased with you. However, Satan is not.
I also agree with Angela, up above. I know that you are a studying, praying, godly woman, truly doing what you feel God is leading you to do.
And, I’ll throw an opinion out there…..I think Christians can be devastatingly harsh with one another all in the name of ‘correction and instruction.’ I go back to Ephesians 4:29, no abusive language, only what is beneficial to lifting each other up. Personal attacks are not acceptable.
Enjoy your cruise… 🙂
Amen! and Amen!
OH, J, I don’t think I can come up with a solution without a Caribbean cruise. 🙂 When do we leave?
And in all seriousness, I really appreciate your friendship and encouragement!
I’m purchasing our tickets right now. Hope an ocean view works for you! 😉
Shiela,
You’ve got one of the best blogs going. My wife and I are supposed to be experts on marriage and on the sexual relationship in marriage, but we’ve gleaned a lot from you. All I can tell you is to stop looking at the people who are speaking negative garbage, and focus on those that have something positive to say. Whenever you say something controversial in ministry, you can count on small-minded people attacking it. But, you see, that’s the secret, realizing that they’re small minded. Anyone who feels that they have to lash out is probably hurt, and you’ve stepped on their toes a bit. It’s good that you’ve stepped on their toes, but bad that they’ve lashed out.
Don’t give up. You are providing a valuable service to the Body of Christ. We all need you. God has gifted you with wisdom in this area.
Remember, for every person who has made a negative comment, there are a thousand who love you.
Thank you for your blog. It has blessed me!
I’ve been subscribed to your articles for some time now and if you had quit a year ago, there is so much valuable information that never would have come my way. I appreciate all of your posts and even if it’s not something I initially agree with 100%, it gives me something to think deeper about. I’ve recently discussed with my husband how rampant Internet bullies have become. People feel they are free to write things they would possibly never say to someone in person because they are behind a computer and have a bit of anonymity. It happens in book reviews, blog comments and Facebook posts, anywhere they can attack someone else’s point of view. It’s gotten ridiculous. My heart aches for you that people can’t express their opinions in a polite and non-offensive manner. I do hope that you will continue to write and will pray that you will have peace.
Sheila,
I just came across your site recently, and after spending hours reading articles have been so encouraged to put more effort into so many crucial areas of my marriage. I also lead a women’s small group and shared your site with them. Your writing is a VALUABLE resource to christian women today. I cannot wait to read your book, and I hope to continue reading your blog.
Remember, anytime you are doing something to strengthen and encourage other believers you will meet resistance. God has given you an incredible gift, and a ministry to your readers!
People will always read through the filter of their own life experiences and bias, but the Holy Spirit is still working through what you write to strengthen and encourage his people.
I may never comment again (I usually don’t read the comments either) but please know that God is using you in a powerful way here, on this blog, to change hearts and heal marriages.
Hi Sheila. I just recently discovered you and have been so encouraged by you! I have often marveled at the dedication of bloggers. And you are no exception. I have a good marriage but I am looking forward to having a great marriage and I so appreciate that you have put yourself out there to help others. To help me. I pray God refreshes you and gives you wisdom. I want you to keep going, but not at the expense of your heart. Its OK to take a break. God is going to use you whether it is here or somewhere else. And although you have been a tremendous blessing to so many marriages, God is not dependent on you to save those marriages who may rely on your blog. Maybe there are women who are depending more on you than they are God. Even though I don’t believe it was God’s perfect will that you were hurt, He wastes nothing. And maybe He is going to use that hurt to compel you to take a break so that He can fill in the gap. But don’t get me wrong I love your posts and I loved your book. So thank you thank you and God bless you!!! Love Naomi
Thank you for being honest and thank you for blogging. It’s been a blessing to me and my marriage. And it’s ok to say everything you just said.
I’m so sorry people are giving you are hard time. I wondered how you took all the comments in the past & just assumed you were a lot stronger then me 🙂 I love your blog always. I agree about 95% of the time. I never feel the need to condem you because your opinion differs from mine.
I really hope you don’t quite blogging. I also hope you continue to post your Friday opinion pieces. Agree or disagree you always provide food for thought.
Love and prayers coming your way.
Thank you. You are honest and vulnerable and your posts have blessed me many times. Praying that God brings you peace and comfort during the times you are hurting. People can be so mean. Im sorry for the ones who speak this way. Blessings to you and your family.
Hang in there Sheila! I don’t see this post as a sign of weakness, but as a sign that you are a real person with struggles, like the rest of us. I know that the Lord will help you to know which choice to make going forward. Thanks for having the courage to stand up for marriage and its holiness!
No advice. Just praying for you!
I just wanted to give you a word of encouragement from here in the UK: if I hadn’t found your blog, I would never have bitten the bullet and finally (after years of dithering) starting writing myself. We don’t have many blogs with marriage as a focus over here, and from the responses I’ve been getting, people are hungry for somewhere to share about their own marriage issues. Because of my blogging I’ve also had the privilege of praying for people who are struggling within their marriage – and seeing those prayers answered. Thanks for all that you’re doing!
Here’s some food for thought, Sheila. Is it possible that the audience for your Friday column, and the point of the column, are just jarringly different from your blog? It seems the readers for your Monday thru Thursday blogging don’t necessarily get the difference. One way to potentially lessen the flood of hateful comments might be to not post the Friday colum to the same blog. (I don’t know anything about how blogging works, so I’m just taking a stab at this.)
Or perhaps instead of posting the actual column, you post an explanation (and disclaimer) of what you’re hired to do in the column along with a link for the material. This way everyone is forewarned and will be expecting something different than usual.
Another idea is to hire someone trusted to go through your comments (maybe one day a week) and have him or her delete the most hateful and unproductive of them all. After all, is this exercise really time and emotional energy well spent for you? This wouldn’t necessarily shield you from all hurtful or negative comments, sometimes they need to be considered and responded to, but it would minimize the volume.
Blessings to you!
This comment was extremely constructive and I was blessed by it!
Sarah D., thank you for that. Let me think and pray on that! Those are both good ideas.
Can your husband be the one to go through the comments for you? I ditto Sarah in this.
Holly
I’m so saddened that people can be so mean. (and that’s exactly what it is. just plain old mean.) Just as a reader, I have had to quit browsing through most all blogger comments sections. The ugliness there depresses me. Can’t even imagine how you guys handle it. I receive blessings from your writing. But understand your need to protect your heart.
Oh, Sheila. So very, VERY sorry you’re going through this. Praying for wisdom for you, and courtesy toward you and your readers. I’m glad you were honest.
Don’t let the opinions and actions of some get you down. I love your blog and enjoy reading it. Its refreshing to read a blog about marriage that isn’t all about the lovey dovey parts of the relationship. It helps to know that others may be experiencing the same things I am.
Sheila,
It made me so sad to read this. I’m so sorry to hear that this is happening to you. What ever happened to “If you have nothing nice to say, Don’t say it at all.”
I pray that you will keep blogging as I so enjoy reading and I don’t comment always but I am reading. Sometimes people forget that you are only human. Not everyone is going to agree with what you write but you are still a great writer and you are free to blog what you feel and want. I pray that God continues to speak to your heart and pray that you will continue to get the strenght to put aside all those bad comments. Shame on those for putting you down for things you believe in. I will still continue to read even if at times….I may not agree (which is like almost never) in something you may write about. I come because I love your writing. I have all your books and can’t wait for more. God Bless you Sheila. Tammy
I have loved your blog since I found it earlier this year. It has been a source of encouragement and help to me and one of the things I love is how real and straightforward you are. It really irritates me that people get mad at other people just for having a different opinion. I agree that there should be some commenting ettiquette, so that even if you don’t agree, you can state your opinion while still being respectful.
I’ve been following your blog for quite a while and generally agree with what you write, but that’s beside the point! My humble encouragement would be to prayerfully follow God’s leading. If you’re feeling “blogged” down you could also take a hiatus and decide with some down time. That is what I did and ended up discontinuing my blog. I so much enjoyed all the extra time I had each day. It was a huge weight off my shoulders (that I hadn’t even realized was there!) to not have to write so much each week. Whatever you decide, make it between you, the Lord and your family – that’s what really matters!
Dear Shelia, First I want to apologize for never having posted a comment before, as it could have added to the number of positive comments recieved.
I am 58 years old and have been married 40 years, raised 3 children and now have an additional 3 children- in-love and 7 grandchildren. Most of your columns speak to places I have already passed through. So why do I read them? I wish I had someone like you sharing the advice you give when I was a young wife and mother!So many times I pass your columns on to my children or the moms of the pre-schoolers I teach.
I applaud you for speaking out against pornography. Last year my daughter’s marrige of 7 years came crashing down around her because of her husband’s addiction to porn. Through nothing less than a miracle my son-in-love was healed and their marrige restored. This wasn’t a simple or painless proceedure. He had great men of God working with him and it took months of counsel and trust building.
So thank for leading your readers- including myself- to the word of God.
Oh Shelia! This post has me in tears! I am so sorry that people feel the need to leave you nasty comments. I really enjoy your blog and I hope that you keep writing it. I have been attacked for my stand on certain topics and it is so hurtful, especially when your heart is to do only what God wants you to do. I am praying for you! There have been many times when I felt that our sex life needed help (my husband works close to 70 hours a week, we have a 1 year old and I’m disabled with degenerative disc disease and fibromyalgia – need I say more????) and I have been so thankful to be able to come to your blog to get encouragement and advice when things sometimes feel hopeless. All that to say that although you feel extremely discouraged right now, you have help (and are helping!) thousands of women! God bless you, Shelia and I’m praying for you!
Stacy
I like this blog, but I do not read your opinion columns any more.
Romans 14:19 “Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”
Your marriage posts are edifying and serve your readers well. I do not think the same can be said of your opinion pieces. You do not “have to fill up this space with something,” sometimes less is more. I do not think separating your blog identity of Christian marriage ministry and conservative opinion writer “wastes” anything. I do not read this blog to get to know you, even though you seem like a great person. I read the blog for the thoughtful, helpful words on marriage. Perhaps your ministry would be better served by the distinction, but that is between you and God.
When I used to read them, many of your opinion pieces caused me to flinch, even when I agreed with you, because they were predictably inflammatory. While it would be better if people used charity even in comment boxes, that simply is not reasonable to expect from the internet. I will not jump into comment boxes to defend someone who has knowingly exposed themselves to attack. I assume that they weigh the consequences of their words and feel the importance of the topic is worth the backlash.
Also, disagreeing with a piece is not the same as being offended by it. A person, like me, who disagrees, might say something or not, but keeps reading the blog for the value they find. However, if a person is hurt by your writing, they should stop reading. This does not mean they should be hurtful in turn, but they should look elsewhere if this is no longer a safe place for them.
I hope that my words do not add to your angst. I have tremendous respect for you and took the time to share my opinion because of that respect. As a reader who does look at the blog as a whole and values it, I hope my thoughts on the part that consistently bother me are of some use to you. I am deeply grateful for your marriage ministry and the only repayment I can make is to pray for you as you discern your direction at this crossroads.
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you that I truly appreciate your blog. I stumbled upon it almost a year ago and have read every post since. My marriage was fine and strong before, but with your perspective and encouragement, it has grown deeper and stronger over the last year. We are better today than we have ever been despite the fact that our circumstances are arguably worse. I feel so blessed and honored to be able to learn from you. Thank you for putting yourself out there and for all of the work it takes to write and manage a blog like this. I know it’s no small task.
Remember, also, the people calling you judgmental are themselves being judgmental. I have seen you manage trolls and disrespectful posts with nothing but love and respect while standing firm. Only God’s judgment matters in the end, and from what I’ve seen, I bet He’ll be pleased.
I would not usually feel comfortable leaving a comment, but after reading your last post, I feel compelled to share how much your blog has helped my marriage. My husband found your blog nearly two months ago. Discovery of your writing came at just the right time. Although we have been married ten years and have a strong foundation based on Christian values, honestly I had basically been “going through the motions” in my busy life and marriage. Your writings have spoken directly to our hearts and have helped us to reconnect and begin a new, fresh start. We regularly read your blog and discuss its content together. We have read “Good Girls Guide” which has helped tremendously. I only wish to share how much you have helped me personally and encourage you to “stay the course”. You provide a much needed perspective in such a refreshingly honest, loving manner. I have been a “silent reader”, but no longer!
Sheila, I was so thrilled to find your blog! I write novels about love AFTER marriage, and I enjoy being able to post links back to specific posts over here for my FB author page readers. You’d be amazed how many people NEED to read these posts–good church-going people.
This is an under-served and un-talked-about part of Christianity–sex. It’s integral to a strong marriage. Yes, we don’t have to know all the gritty details on everything, but knowing others have gone through things and how they got through (or the mistakes they regretted) can change the course of people’s future actions.
Please don’t stop blogging. If you need to shut down the comments, you could do that. But I generally find the comments almost as helpful as the posts. I agree w/your reader above–pray about it. And know that many people read this blog and do NOT comment–they just absorb. And you’re blessing our lives. God has called you to this ministry, I have no doubt. Everything you write is with a spirit of love.
And I know how it is when you’re burnt-out on blogging–I’ve been there, felt that. I would STRONGLY suggest that you pull your blogging back to 3x a week or something more manageable. That way you’ll have more time for yourself and your own marriage! Grin. Seriously, downsizing our “to-write” lists can often help immensely in our outlook.
God bless you, Sheila. And I’ll be praying for you.
Thank you for sharing your heart 🙂 We are wired very much the same way, and not going with the status quo, drawing a line in the sand, and bringing things to the forefront that others feel is “too hot to handle” is not a job for the faint of heart. I have been called many horrible names for speaking the truth and giving my opinion but I would have it no other way. Jesus spoke truth and was hated for it too, and in that I take my strength.
That being said, we are human and one of the pitfalls of social media is the way people feel free to “let it all hang out”, and go at it in a way they would never do in a face to face conversation. Cyber bullying is very real, and today we were made aware of it in a very sad way when the news came out about a 14 year old girl committing suicide just 5 week after posting a You Tube video about all the cyber and real bullying she had endured over the past two years…..
Love the comment that said I can’t even agree with yourself 100% LOL! People come her for a reason – they have been stimulated, challenged to think in new ways, to get information, etc. As you so aptly stated, if you are good with the majority, don’t toss the baby out with the bath water. Know that I’m standing by your side 🙂
Will pray for you as you seek God’s guidance on your next step. Don’t let Satan thwart the good work you are doing….it’s powerful and God inspired. May He lead you in His ways as you continue to serve Him with the giftings He has blessed you with. Biiiiiiig cyber ((((HUG)))))
Thank you, Marisa–and I thought that comment about not agreeing with myself 100% of the time was funny, too. I don’t agree with myself all the time, either!
I had no idea that you’ve been under such stress, and I’m so sorry that you’re hurting so badly! I’ll be praying that God’s peace will “keep your heart and mind through Christ Jesus” and that you will have wisdom regarding what the Lord has for you next.
I actually owe you an apology…I have been “lurking” on your blog for about 9 months now after seeing the link on a friend’s blog (the title intrigued me :)), and even though I’m not married, I have been greatly encouraged by it. And I have been remiss in not telling you so; for that I am very sorry!
The timing of your post is rather ironic; I’m teaching the Ladies Sunday School class at my church, and the topic is spiritual warfare. Last Sunday’s lesson was about our battle with the flesh and touched on how both in I Corinthians and James the believers were chastised for the way their fleshly living was tearing the church apart. James 4:2 used the words, “fight, war, and kill”; the lesson talked about how happy the devil must be to see us fighting each other rather than him, the world, and the flesh. And your situation, unfortunately, illustrates that. Ironically, I printed your “My Jesus Does Stuff” post earlier this week to use as part of my lesson tomorrow about our Commander. That was such a blessing and challenge to me, and I want to share it with the other ladies in my church!
Only the Lord can give you direction on this, but I suspect that Satan is concentrating an assault on you because you’re saying things that many Christians won’t say. I think he would be happy to see you silenced. But I am always thrilled that you speak boldly, regardless of whether I agree 100%. Thank you for being faithful to the work the Lord laid on your heart – He has used you to touch my life in a way that has changed me for the better!
“Therefore, my beloved [sister], be stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, [wherever He leads you] forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.”
((Sheila)) My only advice is kind of selfish. I adore this blog and your perspective on things. I may not agree with everything, but that’s just life. So I’d encourage you to turn off the comments for a while and see how that feels to you. Perhaps a break from the commenters will help you regain your passion and joy for this blog writing.
I have noticed that the blogs I read who don’t allow comments still have an email address I can write to if I feel the need to comment to them about something. But friends of mine who have popular blogs have noticed that the negative people don’t like to go to the extra trouble of email.
Hi Sheila, I just found you two weeks ago. I am saddened that you were hurt. I know there are some things I do not agree with you on but you have helped me tremendously!! I never agree 100% with anybody…LOL! You have been a huge blessing for me. I beg and pray that you will continue to blog. If you have to shut off comments do so!! Please keep writing!!! I did read your past columns. I spent all day one day learning on your blog. I love it!! I truly believe God is looking down at you saying “Well done My faithful servant”
Hang in there!!
Holly T. in Indiana
Dear Sheila
I just wanted to say that I LOVE your blog. It is the first blog I ever started following, and now I only follow 2 regularly, yours and another one (www.becomingminimalist.com) . I think what you write is GREAT, it is TRUTH and sure opinion, but based on your desire for truth, so ya, for the general public that can be hard to hear sometimes. And I don’t agree 100% all the time, but so many times I read what you write and think – YES! She is RIGHT! Way to SAY IT! You are speaking up for a silent group online and identify with so much of what you write, it is good stuff. Thank you for saying it, thank you for confirming what we are thinking and wondering about, for being a ROLE MODEL and a CHRISTIAN LEADER. Seriously, I’ve thought you’d be a great personal mentor if we only lived in the same town.
And I think in general we, as a culture, don’t compliment or say thank you enough. So us as readers need to do more of that. For every negative comment you get, there are probably lots of positive ones that people just didn’t bother to write (I know I am guilty of this).
Praying for peace and wisdom for you. Blessings to you!
Sheila, I haven’t read all of the comments on this post, which is unusual for me. Since I’ve found your blog I read it almost every day, usually including all of the comments on each post. I’ll probably go back and read more of them later. For now I just wanted to thank you for being willing to talk so candidly about an issue that’s so often ignored. I enjoy reading your posts including your Friday columns, and understand that your audience for the column is different than your blog.
I understand feeling like since you’ve written the column already it makes sense to post it. If most of the hurtful comments are in response to the Friday columns have you considered only turning off comments on those posts? I like that you tend to get a lot of comments on your blog. That you post a reader question for your readers to comment on each week shows that you appreciate your readers and think most of them have worthwhile insight to share. I think it’s great that people are able to post differing opinions and offer advice to each other.
Just thought I’d mention possibly combining your options 1 and 2 that you mentioned. I’ll be praying God helps you make the best decision on how to proceed!
Now THAT is a really good idea! Not that the other ideas weren’t good, but you’re right. It really is those columns that get the worst comments, and it’s the comments on the marriage posts that I really want to preserve because that’s my main focus on this blog–helping marriages.
Okay, I think I may have a winner here! Gotta go pray about this some more, but that’s such a good compromise I didn’t even think of.
I’m glad you liked the suggestion. I think not only the audience of your Friday columns are different but the type of writing just isn’t the same either. Newspaper columns just aren’t meant to be commented on in the same way as a lot of your posts.
That IS a great idea! I think it is very clear that your blog is greatly appreciate and very helpful, Sheila. I, as one in a less than perfect marriage, am so done with typical Christian marriage/mom blogs that make me feel worse about myself, and have found your blog to tackle the more real issues in my marriage. And I love when you throw out a reader question, let readers give their thoughts, and then you give your own opinion. I also love to read readers’ comments in general because sometimes just knowing I’m not alone is enough to keep me going. But closing the Friday column comments is genius!
We need more writers like you — writers who are honest, who discuss marriage openly and honestly, who take a stand, who love the Lord. I certainly hope, selfishly, that you decide to keep plugging along, but I am so sorry about the “meanies” of this world. I have only been reading since Feb. but you have blessed me and my marriage so much. Thank you.
My wife and I both read your blog on a regular basis. We truly appreciate what you do. I typically don’t read comments on any blog because there is usually 75% unfiltered ridiculousness to the 25% well thought-out discussions. So many people in this world are so ego-focused anyone that has a different idea than them is immediately hateful, judgmental and dumb. I don’t know why some people can’t just go to another website without saying something hurtful to justify their own thinking in their head.
I think turning off comments, or finding someone (or a group of someones) to moderate comments would be a good expirament for you. Especially on what you considere more controversial topics.
@Melissa “We are told as Christians not to be a stumbling block and we should always let a fellow Christian know if they are causing hurt or harm…”
There’s also that whole plank/speck thing to consider.
Sheila, I would miss your blog so much if you quit, but I totally understand how you feel. I’ve never read a blog quite like yours before. You address so many issues that no one else is willing to talk about. You look at things from a biblical perspective and you’re not afraid to ask questions that you don’t have answers for. Your blog has encouraged me in so many areas of my life where no one else seemed to have advice, or even bothered discussing the issue at all. But putting your opinion out there for all the world to see is a scary thing. Having every word you say scrutinized and criticized must be exhausting. I certainly wouldn’t want to do it, and I admire how gracefully you’ve handled it all this time. Only you can decide if continuing the blog is right for you. Don’t let anybody make you feel bad for whatever changes you decide to make. No one else knows what it’s like on your side of the computer screen. I’m praying that God will guide you and your husband as you consider what changes may be necessary.
First of: hugs from me too!
Second: You have such an amazing amount of support already and I don’t know what else I can add. Just want to let you know that I pray for your ministry regularily. God will lead you.
Third: I think that some people write with the intention of people trying to interpret what they are trying to say and others write by laying it all out on the table and their writing needs to be taken at face value. There are some people in this world who can’t tell the difference. People are trying to read in between the lines when, in reality, there is nothing there.
Lastly: Don’t you just love the people that point fingers and tell you not to judge people without knowing them are the ones that are judging you without knowing you? Talk about a double standard! The so-called “tolerance preachers” are the ones that are out there shunning those of us who are actually practicing tolerence.
Know that you are being held up in prayer right now. I haven’t been able to read a lot lately as I’ve been studying other things and busy with life but I still appreciate that you say it like it is. God is good and He is using you! He will continue to use you whether you blog or not. You are getting to the point that you’re causing a lot of positive stirring in God’s people and, therefore, the devil is starting to bring out the big guns. More opposition means you’re more of a threat to Satan. Way to go!
I like this blog alot. And I admire you alot. So I choose to follow you. And I choose to support you. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t. I am no preacher but I do simply know that as a Godly woman, ungodly people will always be around to point out how imperfect we are and how wrong we can be. I don’t need to be a blogger to understand that. I may not have to take on as much as you do on a daily basis but i have my share. We all do. But I do know that it is never easy to speak your heart. I pray people would just remember to treat others as they would want to he treated. I am sure they don’t care for people doing this to them. I stand behind you 100%. I don’t want you to stop your blogs but I don’t know the plans God has for you. Hang in there. And my prayers are with you.
Sheila,
I can definitely understand the tear in your heart right now. You’ve been brought to a place where doing the thing you love causes you pain at the same time. I would heartily agree with the poster above, who suggested finding an internet-savvy moderator to ‘deflect’ those posts which serve no other purpose but to be derogatory, inflammatory, or mean spirited.
I had the privilege of meeting you and your husband last winter at a conference, and have been a fan of your blog ever since. As I read your post this evening, the first thing that popped into my head was a quote attributed to Sir Winston Churchill: “You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.” I’d be the first to stand up and applaud you for taking a stand for marriage, and honoring God with it.
The other thing that popped into my head is simply this: being under attack is a sure sign that you’re exactly where God wants you. Satan has no reason to attack otherwise.
Do remember to take breaks when needed, and take proper care of yourself. To quit altogether, though, really isn’t the answer. I know that this blog site only records the number of page views, but look at the numbers another way: how many marriages have been saved, improved, blessed, or started WELL, because of this ministry that God has given you? I dare say that they number far more than page views, my friend. Your speaking ministry can only reach those who are present, but this blog reaches those same people after the fact, then spreads out like wildfire, through facebook, pinterest, and other blogging communities that are linked to it.
Thank you for taking the stand you do, Sheila. I will do my best to remember to pray that God grants you strength, each time I read your blog.
I, for one, hope that you can look past the negative ,intents and keep writing for the other readers like me. I have been so changed by your words and as long as you are writing I’ll be reading. I find it helpful to think of Christ in situations like these. The pharisees we’re constantly calling him a list and judgmental, and ultimately lead him to death on the cross, but he persevered for our sale. We can overlook the foolishness of others through Christ. He is the ONLY on whose opinion of us matters.
I need to pipe in with some positives, too. You are remarkable, Sheila. Truly. Your blog is not only helpful and inspiring, healing, and full of wonderful truths and insights, it is also very refreshing. It is so nice to hear some strong opinions on things, laid out in such nonjudgmental ways. I have heard/read others who have similar opinions, but express them with much less respect and gentleness (some even with blatant disrespect and crassness). (I should probably add that I rarely read your Friday posts in full, so maybe I can’t speak to those . . . but it’s easy to not get offended by what I’ve read when I agree so much with your opinions, as I do with today’s).
I love the suggestions above to hire somebody to sift through your comments. And re: those that suggest cutting back a bit . . . I wouldn’t have thought of that, but sometimes it IS good for me to have a day or two to chew on your posts and apply them, so it probably wouldn’t hurt us readers for you to do so.
I don’t think there is a way for you to avoid opposition, because your purpose is so crucial and so centered in Christ. I hope that the positive comments here have given you some hope and healing, and that as you pray further you will find a way to make this work for you. And I hope you don’t stop the way your write–the world needs you, whether everybody likes what you have to say or not.
Oh goodness sorry about all the spelling errors. My phone is not ideal for commenting!
Oh Sheila, I so understand the fear of hitting the publish button too! And to this day I’m still afraid to open my email and read my comments because I expect them to be mean and harsh. Blessed are those who are persecuted for my name sake. You’re blessed lady! And you know you can’t keep your mouth shut!! That’s why we write/speak on His behalf to begin with. We do it because we can’t ‘not’ do it! Turn your comments off for awhile. I did and I allowed the Lord to strengthen me for the next phase of the battle. Don’t stop, just be wise. Thanks for sharing your heart.
Oh my. I just started reading your blog since July of this year. All I can say us that this blog was an answer to prayer.
I totally know that you and all bloggers are human. We all are. No one is perfect. All we can do in life is do what we can for God. I know that is where your heart always is just by reading your blog I can read your heart in what you write.
I am praying for you and what and where God is leading you. Personally, I am praying that you keep on doing what you are good at, blogging about your ministry-helping marriages. Thank you
I’ve read some comments, but not all. I LOVE this blog. I’m always telling hubby, “so today, I read on to love, honor and vacuum….” And I’d rather you shut down comments than stop blogging. I know of at least one other blogger who doesn’t do comments.
I also understand the fear of laying yourself out there. I’ve got all sorts of ideas for blog posts that I will likely never do because I know my in laws and other family read the blog. And that would get weird I think. Or maybe I just need to get over myself and just write. All that to say, I find your bravery at putting out some deep stuff is encouraging to me, and I am edified often by reading what you write. I would be sad if you stopped blogging. But I think I would also understand.
I try to often leave a positive comment, or one that is at least respectful. And I will say again, I LOVE reading what you write. and not a fuzzy, feel good kind of love, but I just grew a bit as a woman kind of love. Thank you for what you have written, and offering this blog for free (that makes a huge difference for me right now…)
I am so sorry. Thank you for your sacrifices so willingly given to help others. You are appreciated. While I hope that you continue, I understand if you decide not to.
My love,
Tracy
I love your blog. I don’t agree with anyone 100%. That’s bad why? Lol. We are not to judge people’s hearts, but we are to observe their fruit. I always find it funny that the people that are the most likely to scream “judgemental!” Are themselves being judgmental. You probably need a break to pray and come back with a clear head. Hugs to you.
Hang in there. People only say these things because the subject t is so personal to them. You are doing good things and have helped so many people.
Someone gave me this quote that I think you will appreciate, “Truth is not welcomed where there is no truth.” Remember that Christ told us we would be persecuted for His sake. Thank you for speaking truth!
I like you, Sheila. I like that you are real, honest, bold, and challenging. Your posts cause me to think and also remind me that I am not alone in my passions and opinions. You pave the way for me to be bold, too.
I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt, and I pray you’ll have the strength and grace to forgive those who’ve acted in the flesh and have been used by the enemy to wear you down. I know this journey well! It is tough! But it is the enemy of God that is about the business of wearing down the saints and the response to it is prayer — bold prayer by more than just you. You need a team of prayer warriors interceding on your behalf!
Shelia, I’m a problem solver and so I thought of a few solutions to add to the ones above:
1. Form a prayer team, and use a closed Facebook group for them to cover you with the Word.
2. Close the comments on the opinion post only.
3. Scale back to three posts a week in total to give yourself some space. In the poll I conducted at my blog, 3 max is the desired amount of by my readers. Michael Hyatt also came to similar conclusion.
4. Recruit some committed like-minded folk to process and/or respond to the comments for you.
You (and I) won’t ever be able to control how others respond, so although I love the creed for proper behavior, the reality is that the ones that need to heed it won’t. Maybe these suggestions will enable you to put up a physical wall of protection in addition to the spiritual armor you are wisely wearing.
What you’re doing here is a gift to so many. Your words challenge the culture and will always get cause a ruckus, but that’s not a bad thing. It is only a problem because the enemy is using it to wear you down. I pray that God will lead you toward a solution that makes room for your ministry to grow and for you to experience his favor and grace.
Thanks, Lisa! I appreciate the practical thoughts.
My thing about the posting everyday is that my traffic did go up when I did that, but also three times a week I post things that I don’t really think about much usually–just links, or videos, or a guest post, or something. So there’s only twice a week–Mondays and Wednesdays–when I’m really writing a big post that I seriously think about. So I don’t find it too onerous. It’s more emotionally onerous. But I really, really like the idea of just turning off the comments on the column. That makes a lot of sense!
Hey there! I just wanted to comment on this one! I haven’t read your blog (or any blogs) in a while, but I am so happy that you EXIST. That I know your blog is here when I need it. I feel like your blog and perspective was very fresh, insightful and enlightening (and encouraging!) To me when I first found it last year. Maybe its because I don’t have a mom anymore, but I just really appreciate hearing and leaning on the wisdom of those older and wiser. It is so helpful.. I understand if you feel like you need to stop but I really hope you don’t. I wish people could learn to disagree in a nice way…something zo have been thinking a out more and more as elections are coming up..
Please, please don’t quite writing your blog! I just discovered it a few weeks ago, and it has been a great help to me in my marriage. I have been married for three years, and so many of the things about sex that my husband and I have struggled with in our marriage, you have addressed in your blog. We also lead a church small group of four other newly married couples, and I’ve been able to share with the other wives things that I’ve learned from your blog. Sometimes it helps for us to realize that we’re not the only ones that have issues! Please don’t let all the negativity keep you from continuing to blog. Your writing has been such a blessing!
Oh, my friend, I know. Believe me. I’ve learned to just let it roll off me. If somebody else thinks I’m wrong, I’m good with that. I find it interesting how often the people who say I shouldn’t “judge” them are sitting there judging me the whole time. Unless it is someone I actually know, and know deserves my attention and speaks with love, I absolutely don’t lost a moment’s sleep over it. I do usually leave it up, though. There’s usually another reader right behind that person who will defend me. Then another who won’t. LOL.
Lose. Not lost.
Sheila, you rock. I’m sorry you’ve had such negative feedback for just sharing a much-needed perspective on sex within Christian marriage. At least you’re in good company – Jesus got a lot of negative feedback, too! I can’t promise you won’t face future persecution, but I can tell you that you ARE having a positive impact on marriages. Thank you – I hope your blogs continue. (Personally, I’d ditch the comments rather than stop the blog, but you & God have to make that choice.)
I first learned you existed via your newspaper articles. That was about 6 or 7 years ago, I think?? Can’t say for sure, but I think that’s about when. To be perfectly honest, I disagreed with you a lot back then. I did not write a letter to the editor, but I thought about it a few times. Then I remembered that yours is an opinions piece and yes, you are SUPPOSED to give strong opinions, and I just stopped reading what you wrote. My opinions were just as strong as yours, and I bet if I was writing, I’d get plenty of letters, too. Besides, no one was forcing me to read you, afterall.
Flash forward to about a year ago. It turns out we have a mutual friend. I noticed some of your comments on her Facebook page. I thought, “surely this isn’t the same woman who wrote all those articles that I disagreed so strong with? The comments she makes are so similar to something I would think or say.
Then I found your blog. I read it and loved most of what I was reading. I would so often think, “yes, this is exactly what I think or feel” or “I hadn’t thought of it like that before!” I also discovered that over time my own perspectives have changed since I first saw your column. I had lived and learned a little more, and I found I agreed with you more and more. Even when I did not agree, I did not disagree as strongly.
In the course of reading your blog, I also got to know a bit (a lot) more about you as a person, which gave me a lot of perspective when I was reading your blog and newspaper pieces.
Now, I find that I either strongly agree with you or strongly disagree. One extreme to the other. I used to comment a lot one way or another, and I lately I’ve stopped commenting.
Why? Because it’s your opinion and it’s your blog. Mind you, there are times when I might think you just haven’t considered a certain perspective, and there are other times where I feel like people just don’t understand what you are getting at and I want to jump in and defend you. But lately I just haven’t felt much like commenting because I feel like some of the comments just create drama. That goes for positive and negative these days.
My thoughts on what has been going on lately is this a) You should not stop blogging your opinions
. That’s what a blog is. It’s like a publicly read diary of a person’s opinions or thoughts. b) If people don’t like what you say, why are they reading? Certainly there must be a blog out there that more closely reflects their thoughts actions? c) You have people who disagree with you from one extreme to the other. Some who say you are too liberal and others who say you are too conservative. You can’t please both extremes, even if you do decide to change your format to be more wishy washy. They will get on your case about that, too. , Which brings me to e) Why is it that people think that the far right Christian perspective is representative of God? What makes them so right?? There is just as much evidence out there to “prove” that a more liberal approach is what God wants. It’s all up for interpretation. For that matter, if people are not Christian, why do some of them think that some of what you say can’t possibly be right just because you base it on the Christian faith?
Personally, I am Christian, but I don’t always think my interpretation and yours are the same. That being said, there are many, many times where you have stated that an approach is good because it pleases God, and I’ve thought, well no, I don’t think I NEED to do that to be a good person, but it’s probably good advice anyway.
This is my long winded way of saying that you shouldn’t give up your blog because it’s YOUR blog. People don’t’ have to read it if they don’t like it. If the comments are such an issue, take away the comments section for now or as someone else suggested, get a third party moderator, so you don’t have to be burdened by the personal attacks. There is not need for those. People can disagree respectfully.
Hopefully this was at least a bit of a help. Maybe it just seemed like a ramble, sorry.
Rachel, thank you! That was helpful. And I’ve always appreciated the way that you handle discussion; you don’t attack, you just argue points. I like that, and I think that fosters thought and prayer and soul-searching.
I just recently discovered your blog and it was very timely, struggling through issues in my 7 year marriage. It’s been a relief to find an honest, frank and Christian viewpoint on some of the matters I’m dealing with, both for me individually and as a couple. I believe in the few weeks I’ve been reading I’ve definitely reaped benefits and am taking a different approach to our problems. Please try to focus on all the good that you do and all those that you help. It’s a topic that inherently is going to raise a lot of criticism and opinions; it’s a shame they can’t all be expressed professionally. Hang in there, please.
First of all, you’re not judgmental. I have borderline personality disorder, so if I don’t think you’re judgmental, there’s no way you could be. I’ve always thought you’ve been very good about not giving judgment, but stating your opinion. Sometimes you do make assumptions about people based on their behavior, but you’re always very careful about wording it in a way that it sounds like an assumption and not a judgment. They are two different things, but I guess some people may not see it that way.
Secondly, I totally understand what you’re going through. I read lots of blogs from Christian women. I have seen more than one of them take a step back because it was too much. If you’re tired you have every right to take a break or quit completely, if you want. You don’t intend to quit your speaking engagements or writing books so you can continue your ministry that way if you want. I’m not reading all the comments here, but I’m sure there are plenty that are saying “please don’t quit”. Remember, though, that this is a decision to be made between you and God. Take encouragement from the encouragers, but make the choice yours. And remember, you don’t have to quit. You can cut it down to once or twice a week like Mary Beth Whalen (Cheaper by the half dozen) did.
Thirdly, I’ve been reading you since you spoke in my city (actually, it was in Sherwood Park, AB, and I live in Edmonton). I agree with you about 90% of the time and I think it’s mostly because we live on opposite sides of the country and the politics are different. I will sometimes comment on my disagreement, but I try to just say it without saying anything towards you. I just try to say how I disagree. (I try to…I did say I have bpd, so tact is not one of my strengths 🙂 ) You are entitled to your opinion, I’m entitled to mine as is everyone else in the world. Not agreeing with everything you write is one of the reasons I like to read you. I like to hear other people’s opinions. That’s how we learn from each other.
I respect you as a writer, a speaker, a mother, a wife and a Christian. Do what you need to do.
Thanks for that, Sharon! It’s funny, right when your comment came through I was booking my flight for Edmonton (I’m doing the women’s track at Break Forth in January this year). So I’m coming back to your city in the middle of winter! 🙂
Ooooh….I love Break Forth…Maybe I’ll get to go this year and get to hear you speak (it’s usually out of my price range). 🙂
I read the one blog in question along with the comments, and I understand why you feel discouraged. I wanted to say keep at it! I don’t read your blog every day, but I enjoy it. And your “29 Days to Great Sex” was very encouraging to me! Thank you for NOT being just another mommy blogger!
So first off I wanted to say that as a fellow blogger I *totally* understand!!! I cried over some nasty person leaving a spiteful, mean comment and telling me one of my babies was fat (in a mean, demeaning way) -and that was on a totally harmless post!!
Please don’t stop writing though!!! Where else can you hear and see what a great impact your work is having on others??!! Also even though I don’t always agree with you *DebbiPearl*cough*cough* I have always appreciated your opinion and insight and willingness to tackle the *tough* issues so many Christians skirt!
As for your problem–have you ever thought of hiring a Virtual Assistant? Someone to help take the technical load off a little and to screen your comments? I’ve done this before for various authors/sites/etc-if it’s vile I delete it, if it needs a response I let it through, if it’s good I approve and let the author know. Since I’m a non-biased middle ground it’s easy for me to not be affected by the various opinions. Finding someone you trust to take on this job for you might be a sanity saver and will allow you to continue to bless all those who won’t respond that way!
So this may sound funny to say, but I love this post! I love it because, I often feel like bloggers are perfect and have everything together especially when they have so much wisdom and knowledge to share that is so awesome and useful (like MANY of the things I’ve read on your blog in the last few months that I’ve been following it) I’m a blunt lady and I love the way you talk about sex in a straight forward and honest manner. It is so encouraging to me to have someone answer questions I have in a clear, concise manner and in a way that makes me WANT to do the suggested things. I’m not a “froofy” super feminine woman, although I sometimes desire to be and I love that using some of the things on this blog have made me feel more feminine in my marriage and learn how to be a little less independent and a LOT more respectful of my husband. I’ve never known what respect really is and how to respect him and this blog has taught me a lot in that area. So THank you! For being open and honest and for being willing to take the risks to help us women who won’t ask for help anywhere. Please keep sharing your wisdom with us!
Mandy,
I love that you spoke what so many others think too. So many people think strong Chrisitian’s who are brave enough to share their hearts and thoughts with others must be immune to trouble and hurt. There are so many times I’ve heard this same thing from those who have known me for a long time. I guess trying to help others without sharing too much of our own “stuff” can sometime’s be the wrong thing to do.
Still learning…..
Dear Sheila,
I rarely comment on blogs but I read almost ALL of your blogs. I LOVE your courage, your passion and even your opinions…they make me think – and thinking is good 🙂 I am so sorry for your discouragement. It is truly understandable when you are being attacked. Blogging is a very vulnerable thing – I have struggled to find the time to do it. It is a valuable tool – for sure. I am trying to keep a healthy balance in my already busy life of family, work and ministry… it amazes me how much you do!
Be sure to take care of yourself – it is critical to create enough ‘margin’ in your life to withstand these difficult times. DO NOT GIVE UP – God has clearly called you as a great communicator!
If you feel that doing ‘less’ – that is perfectly good 🙂 Jesus will tell you – trust Him!
Much love to you sister – CARRY ON the good work God is doing through you.
Lorie
Please don’t stop blogging. I’ve read quite a bit of your recent articles. Finally someone of like mind. Jesus was persecuted so the Word tells us we will be too. I understand your frustration and I know what it’s like to feel that weariness of doing what you believe is right. Know that there are those of us praying for you and right there with you. We live in a free world where opinions happen and they many times hurt others. But sometimes the truth hurts too. Keep going unless you have a peace from Him to stop. It’s bloggers like you that are helping people. Remember, shepherds feed the sheep. You are like a shepherd. Love His people they you have been. He’ll take care of the rest.
Hi Sheila,
I just wanted to say that I am so sorry that people are bringing you down right now and you are feeling so drained. I know how hard that can be. I did want to comment on this though because I have been struggling with some of the same things. God is always taking me and directing me different places in my life and showing me things I need to work on.
One thing that I have been working on for the last year is the bad habit of talking to much and caring what other’s think of me. That verse in Proverbs gets me every time “In a multitude of words sin is not lacking”. You say that you have been studying the armor of God in Ephesians 6. In those verses it says to be bold ambassadors of Christ and also that we are to take up our chains and follow Him. I find that when I am caring what other people are saying about me or thinking about me I am being self focussed and prideful. The reason is that I am making it , whatever it may be, about me. I might be talking about Christ or things of high importance that I am passionate about but if I am expecting to then get either approval or praise from others then I am making it about me. As Christians we are to be servants of the kingdom of God. We are to daily take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23). We are to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. We all have different gifts and passions but we need to be asking the Lord what He wants us to do with those gifts and how to direct and use our passions.
Please know that I am not saying you need to do anything different or accusing you of not seeking His Kingdom. I am just reminding you as another sister in Christ that we need to daily be asking Him to direct our steps. We need to be sensitive as believers to the fact that there are so many different types of people out there with different backgrounds and views that God loves just as much as you and me. So instead of talking and focussing on opinion so much we need to be focusing on His Word, the Bible. What does His Word say about how we should be live? What is our role as women? Wives? Mothers? Followers of Christ?
If you know that you are seeking First His Kingdom and His Plan for your life and not your own and if you know that you are speaking truth from His Word then it does not matter what others say. You can know that you do not have answer to those people you just have to answer to your Creator.
I would recommend that you do take a break and really spend some quite time away from your computer and in His Word the Bible and in prayer. After all if you are not making Him your #1 and you find your self not spending quality time in the Bible and Prayer then you can know that something is out of balance.
I am saying a prayer for you now as I post this comment. Again don’t feel like I am condemning you. I have had to take breaks/fasts from several different things (computer a big one) several times when I see my priorities are out of sort. When I start feeling stressed and overwhelmed I know something is off. For me I put these thing in order of importance: God, Husband, Children, Home, Other. Whether we feel like it or not as women those are our God given priority’s and if they are lacking in anyway then we are out of line.
Praying Wisdom, Peace, and Blessings to you!
Love,
Sarah
Don’t Quit! just Don’t! WE need you!
Sheila,
I have enjoyed your blog from the moment I started reading it. A few friends and I studied the 29 days and then I added you to my favorites and check your blog every day. You have helped my marriage tremendously and I thank you (my husband does too, by the way 🙂
Keep it up. I will continue to read and be blessed. No, I may not always agree but that’s okay.
It is through our weakness that God’s strength shines all the brighter.
God bless you,
Nina
Hi Shelia,
I wanted to let you know how much I have enjoyed reading your posts since I found your website in July. I’ve really appreciated the topics you write about because they are very practical and helpful. Since I became a Christian I have expierenced extreme opposition and judgment whenever I have stood up for the truth or anything else I have been convicted of. It seems that the people who are the most judgmental and mean are the people who are most unsatisfied with their choices and circumstances in life.
I think that the people who write hurtful comments on your blog are probably doing the same thing to other people, maybe even the people who are closest to them. Some people choose to treat their friends and family with that same condemning and judgmental attitude, and i’m sure it’s a lot easier for them to do it to someone on the Internet that they most likely won’t ever meet.
I just wanted to say thank you so much for taking the time and effort you put into your posts, and for your courage and honestly when you write! I would definetly miss reading your posts/articles if you stopped writing them!
Sheila, you are so right. We bloggers have feelings just the same as everyone else. Saying a prayer right now that God would encourage and renew your spirit, that He would direct your steps with this blogging ministry, and overwhelm you with His grace and strength.
Praying you know what is right to do, but DON’T leave!!! 🙂 Love your blog and it’s led me in the right direction many times when I didn’t know where to go. Hope you stay around!
I am sorry that you are feeling so criticized; maybe that has something to do with people like me. You see I read your blog everyday, I have it saved to my favorite bar along with other Christian bloggers, yet I never tell you how much I appreciate what you do. You only seem to hear consistently from the negative naysayers and not from those of us that love what you do and don’t take the time to tell you! So please, let me take that time now, to tell you how much I love your blog. I am on my second marriage and I so want to be a good wife for my husband. I want to be the wife God calls me to be in everyway, and your blog is such an encourage to me. I have taken lots of your advice, read lots of great things that helped me heal from my past, and found strength to press on when I am discouraged.
I would encourage you to keep this blog up, although I may have selfish desires in play here. You are doing a great job in a ministry that God is blessing…never stop doing what He has called you to do, because of a few naysayers.
I am fairly new to your blog and I have enjoyed reading your posts. Thank you for your ministry and for sharing your thoughts and Biblical truth with your readers! Your hard work is appreciated!
Please don’t stop writing. your blog has helped my marriage tremendously. my husband and i look forward to reading this all the time.
Please, Please keep going. I am at a beginning/end of a divorce and I wish I had seen your blog years ago it would have helped this marriage tremendously, but I am learning the hard way. You speak the truth not everyone will like it that is their prerogative, yes they really need to remember if they don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all. “To each his own” is a saying I always say and live by I can not let another persons words hurt me as I would never want to hurt another, don’t let it get you down. For every person that doesn’t agree with you there will be that much or more that do. Again thank you for being YOU! Here is to hoping for a future with love, respect, and your blog to help guide to the way life really is outside of the book and the preset mindsets. I will pray for you.
Dana,
Maybe it’s not too late for your marriage! If you think some of the thngs Sheila has written would have helped before, why not try them now?!
No, I do not know the circumstances surrounding the divorce, but I do know anything is possible with God.
Praying for you Dana!!
I love your perspective on marriage. I love what you have to say about following Christ. You are realistic and practical and godly. And if I DIDN”T like what you have to say, I wouldn’t read it. I see no reason why people need to criticize your blog; if they don’t like it, they don’t have to read it. I think you add the voice of reason to the Christian blogosphere. You’re not super spiritual, and you never make me gag by being over the top or unrealistic. Thanks for posting!
Sheila, this makes me cry. What you do is well-done and much needed. I forward your posts to friends. A Women’s Health magazine wound up at our house and I was shocked by the way it addressed sex with no morality or commitment (I guess I thought the magazine would actually be about health and exercise!). We need voices like yours.
Whatever you decide to do, know that your words are appreciated. They are thought provoking, candid and encouraging to me and I’m sure many others too that like me don’t comment, but soak in your wisdom. If it was me? I would disable comments for a while and limit the distress to you at least for a while. That way the most of us get to keep hearing from you 😉 I will be praying for you Sheila.
4!!! Please. There is no one like you in the blogging world. Keep going and keep saving marriages! You are such a joy to read.
“We remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ.” – 1 Thessalonians 1:3
Thank you for the labor of love you’ve put into this blog. Whatever decision you make, may God ‘continue to bless your ministry.
(I LOVE your blog)
So, I am a worship leader just thrown in the position. I have been getting a LOT of opposition lately, from people you wouldn’t expect it from. I feel like I am doing what God is telling me to, but it’s hard when I have people telling me this and people telling me that. BLAH! Plus, I am going to school full-time, and I am a military wife who’s husband is training to head to Afghanistan really soon.
What I am trying to say is, we are under attack. We are doing what God has called us to, and because we are getting some opposition we are wearing down. Because I can only imagine what it’s like to be told you are wrong or don’t know what you’re talking about every day.
I am praying for you. Praying God gives you guidance and peace. I do want to encourage you. I found this blog not too long ago. I have decided to make my marriage the best I can while he is away. I believe that is one reason he has deployed again. I am extremely blessed by this blog. And I believe that just because someone disagrees doesn’t give them a right to be rude. You are putting yourself out there. You are very brave. I appreciate you and your honesty.
Whatever decision you make, I am glad that I found this blog when I did, and will get as much out of it while I can 🙂 And I agree with some of the others, it’s my fault for not posting how much I appreciate you and what you have said, or how you have blessed me. I guess I forget that you do read these things. And for that, I apologize.
Don’t stop, Sheila! I just found you.
I’m 49, Sheila, and married for 28 years. And I have found your words, your point of view, and your humor just plain AWESOME. And you’ve touched my heart.
Let me say this to you: Those who throw out the word “judgemental” are usually those who’re most affected by your words. Don’t want to give up the low neckline? Scream “JUDGEMENTAL!!!” Conviction of sin hits a little close to home? Wail and cry “JUDGEMENTAL”!
I’ve often said that Lucifer’s parting shot to God as he fell from the heavens was, “It’s not fair! You’re not fair!”. And your detractors are saying the same. Their argument is clearly with God and not with you. You’ve been clear about your opinions and your experience, your love for God and your passion for marriages and families and women.
You’re a duck. Let all this just roll off like water off of a duck. A duck! You’re a duck. BE THE DUCK!
::grin::
Be the duck! That’s funny, because I run our Bible quizzing team at church, and our initials are QAC, so our cheer is a duck! Maybe I need to remember that more…
I love “be the duck!” I had no idea that other people said that. 🙂
This makes me so sad. I understand we will not always agree, but that we could be so hurtful to others — I just don’t understand it. I have been doing an ABC bible verse memory activity with my 3 year old. B was 1 Thess 5:11 — be kind to one another and build each other up. Perhaps we should all memorize this one and keep a post it note next to our computers. Yes we have differing opinions and yes we have strong emotions that we sometimes let control us, but to take the time to type out a post that would be hurtful — it isn’t necessary & it doesn’t help you or anyone else. I truly hope you keep blogging. I’ve only been following for a month or so, but I love your blog. It is so encouraging and helpful to me. Thank you for what you do!
Sheila, many of your friends in TWG prayer team are praying. God give you the wisdom for your choice and the courage to implement it.
I’m not a regular here (NOT because you’ve ever offended me in any way) but I admire your writing and speaking. Your genuine and transparent approach is powerful. God used your words at Write! Canada this year to encourage me.
From what I’ve heard, having trolls attack your site is actually a sign of success, that you’re reaching enough people and evoking responses. I don’t know how other bloggers deal with it, though.
I’ve seen blogs that post a code of conduct and state that violators’ posts will be deleted. Maybe that would help? You could even explain why. As well as hurting and discouraging the blogger, nasty comments hurt the other readers and intimidate those readers from risking their own comments. Sounds like bullying to me.
How about turning on comment moderation so they can’t poison the group discussion? And do you have a trusted friend who could process the comments for you and delete the nasty ones? (Oops, maybe that’s judgmental, calling them nasty…)
Sheila,
I am so thankful for your honesty and your heart for marriage. I haven’t had the pleasure of following your blog more than for about 5-6 months, but I find you thoughtful and bold in a loving and gentle manner. Thank you for sharing so much of your heart and striving to glorify God in the process.
Please keep blogging! I read all of your posts and I really think you give a great perspective on marriage. Don’t stop! That being said, my feelings would be really hurt with so many of the things that you mentioned–hateful comments, judgements, etc., but know you are doing what God is leading you to do. Thank you!
You have gotten so many lovely comments today. I’m so happy that you were vulnerable again and shared your heart. It’s good. People need to see that bloggers are real people, not just words on a page! I have been greatly encouraged by your blog and read pretty much every post! I’d just encourage you to pray and seek the Lord in what he would want for this blog, what the ministry is, how it is serving others, your family, etc. Is it where he has you right now, or does the method need to be tweaked a bit? I understand the burnout. I don’t know how you post so much so often! I do wish others would consider not posting if all they can say are negative things. I agree with you, disagreement is ok, but taking it out on others by making super harsh comments just isn’t ok. Respect needs to be had for everyone, not just people you talk to. We are all entitled to our opinions and free speech, and if they don’t like what they read, they can just leave, and not blow up and make someone’s day terrible….
http://www.munchtalk.net
Sheila, I am new to your site, just got your book in the mail… I am a new author and a new blogger as well. May I take this opportunity to thank you for all that you are doing. You are paving the way. You are sharing hope not just to those of us who read your site, but to those of us who also want to share the gift we have in our marriage. Thank you for continuing on through this emotional rollarcoaster of feelings, elated at on moment that someone has found courage to go on by what you have shared, or faith to believe for better things in their marriage, and then utterly crushed the next minute that someone could so harshly tread the bareness of your heart that you have laid out for us. Thank you. Whether you continue to blog or whether you take a rest, thank you. You are doing good. You are bringing good tidings. You offer hope to those who are hungry, rest to those who are tired, and joy to those who have lost theirs. I pray that you are renewed and refreshed. You are valuable. … thank you…
Hey Sheila. I love the support that people have been pouring onto you and I also hope you feel better and are able to grow from all this. I’ve been there too. Can I offer something? Sometimes, truth can come in ways we don’t want it to. I do think your posts can come off very judgmental. Sorry, it’s the truth. your last post, especially! I am actually shocked you’d write that with friends who have piercings and such (ouch!). Your posts are written with a lot of grit. In order to really make your point, you use humor and sarcasm. Sometimes, though, it can come off a bit harsh. I think you have another choice to add to your list of options- continue to write, but add a good heaping spoonful of grace to your posts about culture topics. As for myself, I chose to stop writing a lot about pop culture because I felt it WAS coming across as judgmental, even when I really am not! People would get offended and I’d get all upset and I felt misunderstood and sometimes, attacked. But I also realized I needed to evaluate why I was feeling that way. So, I made a choice- keep blogging, but change the way I blog and also do some soul searching about my purpose and my direction as a follower of Christ. We are called to focus on ourselves and our own hearts – not on everything else. Culture will be what it will be. We are called to reach into culture, and love on those right in the center, just like Christ did. We can’t love when we’re too busy finding fault and criticizing. I agree with a previous poster – it doesn’t bode well for your testimony of love and grace. With love, Cass
No, I wouldn’t say ‘harsh’ or ‘judgmental’… Honest and thought provoking. Against a lot of what now accepted by society in general.
As Christians, we are called to be ‘in the world, not of it’ and ‘a peculiar people’. Christ and His disciples spoke powerfully and against certain practices. I find it very sad that we’ve got to a point where we’re so quick to take offense – everything has to be sugar coated, don’t have an opinion and don’t point out something that isn’t right.
As long as Sheila has the time and inclination, she should keep writing the way she does. Her writing has been a blessing to so many.
Thank you Sheila 🙂
I think it’s just a matter of opinion. In my opinion, the post Sheila wrote was almost inspiring offense. She too offense to the fact that people were offended by her offensive post. (Wow…) I really feel some posts are quite harsh. Sure, we are called to be different but we are also called to have our highest goal be love. The Word is clear. And it’s clear about judging too. So, we have to balance that with our view of culture. the thing with blogs is they are so public. She can keep writing all she wants, I just think there are some who will choose not to read. And there are others (non-Christians) who might think differently about christians when they read some of her posts. It’s just something to consider.
Another thing about blogs is, readers don’t get the writer’s tone of voice or nonverbal cues. What works well in face-to-face conversation or in a live speaking engagement might be harmful in print.
Cassandra, I do appreciate your perspective, and I know your heart for wanting to reach the lost.
I think that the area of disagreement comes in that I sometimes fear that the church is too weak. If you look at the sermons in the Bible that are actually addressed to unbelievers, they weren’t nice. It wasn’t like the first thing that people said to the unbelievers was, “God loves you just as you are, and you are precious, and you are wonderful.”
John the Baptist said, “Repent for the kingdom of God is at hand.” He then called the Pharisees a “brood of vipers”. Jesus yelled at people, and made a whip out of cords. Jeremiah yelled at people so much they stuck him down a well! Stephen yelled at the Jews and told them all the evil they had done and then they stoned him. Jonah was called to go and tell the people of Nineveh everything they were doing wrong–and they weren’t the Chosen People. At that time, they were outside the covenant.
When Jesus said, “they will know you are my disciples because you love one another”, He was speaking about the love shown from Christians to other Christians.
This does not mean that we should not love others; He also talked about praying for those who persecute you, and about showing love to those who show hate so that you will heap coals of fire on them. He talked about turning the other cheek.
But this isn’t a black and white thing. Jesus never said that we should not offend; He said that we WOULD offend.
So I think the difference is that you think I’m being needlessly offensive, especially since it’s not like I’m actually presenting the gospel in these columns. I’m just presenting my thoughts on culture, and I could turn people off that way.
I see that point of view.
But I also see that the Bible is not all loving. Many sermons are actually quite harsh. And when I see things that bother me, that I think are wrong, I’m going to comment on them. To take Honey Boo Boo as an example, because I know you were upset about that, if we have gotten to the point where we cannot say that dressing a 6-year-old child up like a stripper is wrong, then we have indeed passed the point of no return. Some things just need to be said.
We need to speak into this culture, even when it’s wrong–in fact, perhaps especially when it’s wrong. We can argue that I do that in a harsh or sarcastic way, but ironically non-Christians love my column perhaps more than the Christians do. The main people who talk to me about them in the grocery store are not Christians. They are just average everyday people (everyone in my home town knows me because of this column).
So I don’t think it’s as offensive to non-Christians as you think it is. In fact, they are often my biggest cheerleaders. I think we Christians sometimes think that the culture can’t handle any opinions at all without being turned off, but I personally think that a significant part of our culture is crying out for someone to just stand in the road and say, “Stop! This isn’t right!”. And when they hear it, they’re grateful.
Just as an example, one local newspaper fired me for being too controversial about six years ago. Over the next week they lost almost 10% of their subscribers. I was hired by their competition the next day and given a major raise. That first paper went from 20 pages to 6 pages; it’s a shell of its former self today. That’s not all because of me, of course, but it’s largely because the paper was wishy washy. And what people wanted was fresh opinions.
I say this only to point out that I don’t think I’m coming across as negatively as you think I am. Christians are perhaps more sensitive than others are, and other people really like it.
Well said Shiela!!! I agree completely! This is also why so many non-believers want nothing to do with us. Not sure who originally said it, but “You have to stand for something, or you’ll fall for anything” is one of my favorite quotes.
Way to take a stand Shiela!
Love your blog, prayers for clarity on the next step.
You are a gifted woman who has helped me remember what is important in my marriage on so many occasions, and I have only been following your blog for a few months. There are so many in our society who raise their voice only to tear down, complain, or bully. I am guilty of being in the complacent, silent majority for fear of offending people or whatever. I admire your courage to write and publish all that you do. You really do share so many personal things that ring true for me. I doubt you would make the difference you do if not for baring your soul as you do. Thank you. I have appreciated your columns too. I am mature enough to get your humor and know that they are opinions. Thank you for everything you have published. I understand if you need a break, I can’t run on empty either.
This morning our son Tabor told me something in the car. He said, “Mom, you know what our counselor at school said? She said if someone is bullying you, don’t back off or look scared. Stand up to them and look strong; otherwise, the bullies may be even harsher.”
You look strong my friend. I only have one answer for you, follow what God leads….and know your sister in Christ, Holly, is praying for you on a daily basis. Much love!
Please continue this blog. I am a 22 year old newlywed in southern Cali who reads your blog daily. I sometimes check multiple times a day just to see if you might have posted anything new! My marriage has been blessed constantly by your blog as I don’t have any Christian women in my life who will share openly and honestly about their life doing their best to follow Christ. I really think that this blog and others like it need to be out there for so many reasons. For one, it is a place of seeing that there are others trying to follow Christ intimately because church doesn’t always provide that and following Christ includes praying individually on opinions on topics that are not about Christ because we all have opinions!
I love reading your opinion posts even when I do not completely agree with them. Some people are just intimidated when intelligent people think differently that they do and they act inappropriately. Even though they attack your character, you cannot take it personally because they don’t know you! I do not know if I could do what you do, and I completely understand if you choose not to continue this blog, but please know that there are people in California being blessed by what you are doing.
My prayer for ME is that you would continue this ministry, my prayer for your commenters is that they would reflect on Christ before posting anything potentially hurtful, and my prayer for YOU is that you would have wisdom and clarity in your decisions balancing the amazing ministry that you have, and saving your energy and emotions for yourself and your family.
Please don’t quit! Well, if that is what you need to do for your own health and to take care of you and your family, by all means do so. But know that I for one really appreciate your no-nonsense truth. You right well and bring up hard things. but I also think you generally do it with a lot of humility. Thank you for doing a hard job well.
oh, and one more thing, one of the things I love about your blog is how it starts conversations in our household. I’m constantly telling my husband, “oh! guess what I read on this blog today” More than any other blog I read, yours raises great conversations with my husband and me.
I forgot to add that for my upcoming birthday I asked for “any and all of Sheila Wray Gregoire’s books!” =D
Just wanted to say that it is important to realize that when people are happy or pleased with something it is not always foremost in their mind to make a point of making it known. BUT, if something bothers or irks someone, there is a much stronger drive to react to that feeling. So, for all the negative responses that you do get, you have to try and realize that there are soooo many more unspoken (or unwritten!) positive responses.
Hmmm – not sure why I’m getting credit for writing “hello world”???
I’ve never read your blog. I saw this post linked on a friend’s facebook page, and wanted to see what it was about (because rudeness in disagreement is something that always bothers me).
You know, why can’t people say. “I disagree with what you said. You said xyz and I understand it to be abc. I think that xyz is dangerous/foolish/unBiblical/etc. because of 123 and verse 987 of Third Knowitians. Have you considered that if every one did this, this or that could happen?”
Or, if you did happen to come off as attacking, why not say, “You know, I bet people who participate in abc feel pretty attacked by this post. You made some sweeping statements like ‘abc always produces ungodly children’ or ‘abc is a magnet for divorce.’ Those things aren’t necessarily true. I think you have added to what the Bible says.”
I think it would be wise for EVERYONE to stop attacking and start asking questions. “Did you mean for this to sound like that.”
I think it would be wise for EVERYONE to assume the best of others rather than reacting as if every opinion stated is a direct attack on an opposing opinion. There are still many of us who can handle it if people disagree with us. Perhaps it would be nice if everyone showed everyone else that courtesy.
I’m sorry you’re hurting, Sheila. I’ve been there. Had people take what I said and twist it, assume the worst of what I meant, and though they should have known that my heart is only to do what I think the Lord wants me to do , they chose to assume ugliness and evil of me. And I know how that hurts (and I’ve got some really thick skin). I just have one thing to offer… if you quit, this kind of tyranny wins. Don’t let yourself be beaten beyond your ability to pick back up and heal, but if you can stand it, please don’t let the “bullies” (hate that word but my brain can’t come up with a better one right now) win.
Wow, Chautona, that’s a good guest-blogging post right there. Lots of us don’t know how to “fight fair” so we squelch our unhappiness until it blows up in a big mess. Thank you for giving practical examples of how to articulate our disagreements and our offenses.
Hi Sheila, I read your column regularly but I’ve never commented before. I wanted to let you know that your column frequently offers answers to questions I wouldn’t normally ask other women – friends, family or otherwise. To be honest, your writing has improved our sex life and our marriage. We are registered for a Weekend to Remember conference in Collingwood in a few weeks and I’m very excited about it. Thank you for writing!
Hi, Sheila.
I don’t have a fraction of the reach you do, but I can sympathize because I get lots of judgment when I dare to share certain opinions, either on my blog or on my Facebook wall. I’ve even had friends I’ve known since high school unfriend me simply because my opinion differed from theirs, and I could back it up with facts. So, rather than acquiesce or even agree to disagree, they were vitriolic and then unceremoniously dumped me (announcing it in public). It is very hard to be called to express opinions, especially when they point to a biblical worldview, as yours do (and I hope mine do, too), but I just want you to know that you’re not alone. Also know that I’ll be praying for the Lord to give you clear direction. I sure hope you continue blogging, but what God says is what really matters. (((hugs)))
And, if it makes you feel any better, you’ve got a new subscriber today.
Sheila,
Do not be discouraged rather be ENCOURAGED, for if you were not helping to stengthen Christian marriages Satan would have no reason to attack you. Satan hates good Christian marriages because they help to further God’s kingdom. Therefore you are doing something right!
I am a husband (not the David who responded above) whose marriage has benefitted from your blog and from your book “The Good Girl’s Guide to Sex” I sent you an email and you were gracious enough to reply despite your busy life. While it was the Holy Spirit who led me to imrpove our marriage it was YOUR BLOG which opened my heart to His promptings. Thank you so much.
Remember that God never promised a trouble free life but He did promise to give your the strength to pass through your troubles. He is faithful and His grace is sufficient.
Oh Sheila,
This broke my heart and angered me all at once. I’m sure that I am only one of many that have prayed for you tonight. Reading this makes it necessary for me to tell you that because of this blog, my marriage has not only survived, but is continually improving. You have empowered me with your insight and wisdom. Your willingness to put yourself out here and interact with us just amazes and inspires me. Thank you for sharing your gift with us and for being a real person in the process. I’m trusting that God will give you the wisdom to do what is best. Take care of yourself and find rest in His love for you.
Sincerely,
Denise
Shelia, I just wanted to add my love and support. Ironically, I’ve always liked your opinion columns the best! 🙂 Never have I felt you to be judgmental or inflammatory. It saddens me that we appear to have lost the ability to disagree respectfully, without attacking a person’s character. I love your wit, your humor, and your keen insight into modern culture and relationships. Your blog is the only one I read and I think it–and you–are fabulous. I pray God will give you an abundance of refreshment and encouragement right now!
Hi my name is Veronica from Sydney, Australia and I rarely comment on blogs but I feel compelled to comment on this one. I am sorry there are disrespectful, rude, unappreciative people out there who couldn’t recognise hypocrisy if it bit them on the nose! I have tried blogging and discovered it is very hard not only to be consistent but also to open up. I seriously admire you for that. I do not always agree with everything you write but I just skim those bits. There is plenty I do agree with. Thank you so much for your efforts and I pray that you will have strength to continue. I also pray that you will find joy in blogging again. God bless!
Sheila,
I very rarely ever post comments on any blogs, usually because I never really have anything more or different to say than what is already being said, however, when it comes to this situation that is exactly what the moment calls for. I just want to chime in with everyone else and say that I think what you do is so important and so needed. There are so few christian women out there willing to discuss the topic of sex and marriage in such a real and candid manner as you do. I deeply appreciate your genuine heart and your very real and down to earth……meet me where I am….approach.
The one thing I would say about what direction you go in is this: You mentioned earlier that most of your problems come from your column post that are printed in a secular venue. I would say that if they cause that much trouble than toss it out for what is most important. Stick to the main mission of this blog, which you do so well and leave the rest out. We need people like you and I pray that God will grant you the grace to continue forward in the work He has called you to and that He would give you the wisdom to know how to best do that. Whatever you do don’t give up you are making a difference and that is worth fighting for.
I read this earlier on my phone and have been thinking about it ever since. I just can not tell you what you have done for my life and other women I speak to. Since my marriage has grown (with your help) it has become a passion of mine to encourage other women in their marriages. You explain things in a way that really makes sense and it is because of you that I am able to explain things to other women without sounding like a fool (I do give you credit) because I tend to fumble my words but by consistently reading you blog I am becoming more confident as I speak to other women about marriage and other women’s issues. Honestly, I can not believe that all women haven’t found this site, it is pure gold! However, I understand if you need a break or to cut back a bit but I hope that you don’t take this site down because it is a very good resource for me to point women to. I will be praying for you. What a blessing you are to all of us!
Sheila,
I have just recently stumbled on your blog and have been really blessed and challenged by your words. I may not agree with everything you say, but you always make me think. 😀 If everyone always agreed with everything you said, I think then you should be worried. I have come to realize that just because I receive a negative response from what I said, doesn’t mean it shouldn’t have been said. I would like to encourage you to keep on doing what you’re doing.
You are the only marriage blog I read. You are making a difference. Don’t stop. Your authenticity is a blessing. The truth can bring out the worst in some. Ignore them. Walk away, breathe find some strength and come back.
Dear Sheila,
I am a Christian and a member of a PCA church in Millersville, Maryland. I am married with two small children. Your blog has blessed me immensely. I own and have read two of your books. You are a gifted writer (and speaker from what I have seen on YouTube) and when you state your ideas you build up a good case and refer to scripture and/or give examples when appropriate. I hope that you continue your blog and I will be praying for you this week. To encourage you, remember that Jesus says that we will be hated because of Him. You are doing good and witnessing to so many people including myself.
You mentioned your son in this post. Based on scripture, you can have faith that you will meet him again and spend eternity with him and the rest of the Saints rejoicing in God. That is what I remind myself of when I think of my two other children that died before they were born very early in both pregnancies.
Love in Christ,
Nicole
Dear Sheila, your blog is one of my very favorite. I love the way you DO have opinions and you set your arguments very well.
I love the way your write your column to a secular paper…most of the people who read it are not Christian, I suppose, so then they come and comment? If that is true, do not be surprised by their mean attacks…think of them as a bunch of teenagers who have too much time, strong opinions but not much wisdom yet 🙂
For the suggestions….how about disabling the comments for the weekly column for a while? I know it is wonderful to get comments, but if it drains you more than encourages you, you can live without them for awhile. OR don’t allow anonymous comments in the weekly column posts. Most hateful commenters are anonymous.
#4 is the worst option….people do have boundaries and I don’t think you need a mental/bloggers breakdown to be a good little Christian!!! Take care of yourself. You have so many readers that if ten leaves, it’s like a drop in the ocean.
I have been impressed how you blog every day, and if you need to slow down, why don’t you drop one day (or more). And is there a way to get ads or other stuff that would pay for you somehow? You have lots of traffic here!
Most of all…your style rocks! It is so refreshing, thought-provoking, clear, funny, helpful…Yes, I agree, don’t become on of those “other mommy-bloggers”, be you!!!
I know God already has a solution for this…you learned something about being public with your life and words. Now use those brilliant brain cells of yours to act! 🙂
One last thing: Don’t stop writing this blog, please!
I found your blog a few months ago, right after I re-committed my life to God. I do not agree with all of your opinions/beliefs, but I enjoy reading your thoughts, and more often then not you give me something to pray about. That is so important! I would rather read the opinions of those who speak the truth of their heart and inevitably offend someone than read a blog written by those who seek to please the world. I understand that each person on this earth has a personal relationship with God, and we all take something different from it. Attacking others who have different beliefs than our own is just sad; there is nothing wrong with speaking what God lays upon your heart. I pray that God blesses you beyond anything you can imagine, if for nothing else but because you help me have the strength to stand up to those who label me as judgmental simply because I love God and want others to love Him with the same depth and passion as I.
As Kay Arthur says, “Hangeth Thou in There” …. You have been a Blessing to me. Thank You. 🙂
I want you to know that I love reading your blog, even the ones I disagree with. I believe a good way to learn is to read about things I don’t know about. Even if I disagree with it I gain a better understanding, and can defend my beliefs better. For example; I had an ethics class in college and was required to debate an issue. There were only a limited number of topics and I got the sign up sheet last. So I had to debate pro abortion. I hated it! I had to try to convince people that something I feel is awful, is right. But now I really understand why I feel how I feel and have more facts to backup my conviction.
That was a really long way to say that I am glad I can read your blog. I like hearing your opinions and I love it when you write about something I’ve been thinking about.
You are appreciated!
Please don’t give up! It’s a completely selfish request but please don’t give up. I just found your blog and it really helped get me through some tough times in my marriage and with my kids. You are tough and some people don’t like that but we need it, I certainly do!! I’m glad you are here and I’m blessed to have found you. I’m sorry I haven’t told you sooner. I will be praying for you!
I’ve never commented on any post of yours before now but I want you to know how much I appreciate and love reading this blog. Your words have single handedly turned my marriage around and turned it into a wonderful God based marriage. I guess what I’m getting at is that you have touched the lives of people like me who read the blog without saying a word. You have an amazing gift and you have helped me so much. Lots of love to you!
Selfishly, I say: I just found you! Don’t stop!
But…
Maybe the best option is to not allow comments…I honestly rarely read what other people have said…I just come to see what you are writing.
or…
Maybe take a break and see what some time away does for you, your family, and your perspective on the issue. Not blogging for say…a month…would give you a chance to step away, reflect, spend that time doing something else…you would come back either to say goodbye, change the way you do things, or more confident to continue as you have been. I have had stressful things in my life that once I “took a break” from I saw more clearly for what they were and where they belonged.
I began following your blog after hearing you speak at a marriage conference & I appreciate the topics you tackle and your heart for marriage! As marriage is designed to be a beautiful witness of Christ’s love for the church and the church’s response to Christ, the devil wants so badly to destroy our marriages… he will not sit back and watch while we try to encourage one another as wives and deal with sin and issues in our marriage. I pray that you stand strong in your fight for God-filled marriages, blog or not, whatever your battle-front looks like! I heard a quote the other day that for every 10 people you influence you have 1 critic – for every 100 you have 10 critics, etc. Praying God’s comfort and clear direction for you right now.
please keep on. haven’t followed this blog long but I appreciate your wisdom and concern for Christians to succeed in marriage. Thanks for being brave enough to talk about things that often make us uncomfortable.
Your blog has had a tremendous impact on me. Many things that you have said have re-kindled my faith, and helped me come to major realizations that have strengthened my marriage. Thank-you sooooo much!
I also read the comments and approach them the same way as Carrie.
Please know that there are people who value what you do. Please know that I would understand if you had to cut down your blog to once or twice a week , but it would be much missed if gone completely.
We appreciate you and the fact that someone will stand up and speak about tough issues from a Christian perspective.
I know you’re pretty good at reading all your comments, but you have so many on this post. I hope, if you read this, you will find encouragement based in scripture. As I was reading your post, immediately James 5 came to mind.
7 Be patient, therefore, brothers, until the coming of the Lord. …..
8 … Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.
9 Do not grumble against one another, brothers, so that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the door.
10 As an example of suffering and patience, brothers, take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.
11 Behold, we consider those blessed who remained steadfast. You have heard of the steadfastness of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.
What does this mean? It means when fellow christians in particular–even more from unbelievers–would somehow cause us to grumble (the Greek word means to groan and moan–basically seeing other believers as a painful burden), we have a command NOT to groan or grumble against them…because Christ is coming back in judgment and we are commanded to consider that seriously!
But that’s not all. That’s just what we’re NOT supposed to do. We ARE supposed to establish our hearts. The word establish carries the idea of pouring concrete and letting it set; it’s making something firm and resolute. When we establish our hearts, looking towards Christ’s second coming, we obey God’s word. We also have HOPE and are able to remain steadfast in looking towards God.
We, also, when we have this hope of his return, we can also have the proper fear of Him and live obediently–not groaning about the pain and burden of other believers. This is wonderful!!
I know this is a long comment, but I wanted to encourage you with the hope of Christ’s return (it’s at hand–look forward to it resolutely!) and to remind you to keep your Biblical worldview in place. Fearing the Judge will keep us from fearing those who try to “judge.”
Shelia, I’m thankful for your blog and book. My late husband died 14 1/2 years ago. I became a Christian a few years after we married; we never had a Christ-centered marriage. Eventually, I began dating but wasn’t meeting men I would marry. Finally, I realized that they were at my emotional and spiritual level, and that wasn’t enough for me. I didn’t date for over four years, and God worked a miracle in my life, beginning a transformation of my mind and heart. Two years ago, I changed churches and met the man who will be my husband in a week. Our courtship has been sweet, and I’m looking forward to continuing to learn what a Christ-centered marriage, appropriate submission, and rest in God and with husband are. I stumbled upon your blog a couple months ago and ordered your book. Thank you. You’ve answered so many questions I’ve had. Knowing that so many others wrestle with the same things I do–and that God always has the answers–has been a part of my growing peace and joy in anticipation of my marriage. I hope you’ll keep blogging. I’ve shared several of your columns on FaceBook and sent a link to your blog to a friend who remarried recently and is struggling with submission. Thank you.
I JUST found your blog. It’s just what I need . Please don’t stop.
I hear ya on the rude comments. I don’t blog, but the few things I’ve said to people along the lines of “adultry is wrong” or “that’s illegal” have been met with such vile responses, it’s almost unbelievable! Always, the words are attached to the sentiment that I shouldn’t judge. Logically, the comments are ridiculous – but they still sting.
I hope you continue to blog, and with the same grit you use now. It’s a blessing to many, including me.
You are not judgmental at all. People who claim you are, find themselves in what you write but they aren’t capable of facing the truth, and that’s why you are “judgmental”! Overall, whenever we speak the Truth, we are going to be judged by those who don’t want to see that Truth, and we are going to be attacked therefor.
If someone needs help and wants the change – they will find your blogs helpful. I did, so many others did too. If someone is hungry – they eat regardless of what you give them to eat ( bread and water ), they are hungry and they won’t complain on variety you offered. You know what I mean! Right? There will always be someone, somewhere who will find the reason to put you down, call you judgmental or anything else.
I am an counselor and faced this so many freaking times. People would come with an idea to help them, but if I didn’t say what they expected to be said, I would be judgmental or harsh, which I am not. Things can’t change if we don’t call them with the right name, but when we dare to use right name – people get angry.
Honey, try to relax and stay away from such things for few days, clear your mind with good books, music and prayer. You are loved, respected and I love, personally, reading your blogs and opinions.
Believe me, those comments are “power game”. Inferior people would feel attacked by your words, but you know you aren’t judging. God knows your heart.
With love, respect and prayer your way
BJ
I totally agree. I think “you’re judging me!!!” could often be substituted with “you disagree with me and I don’t like it!!!”
That’s very often the case, people are, at the first place, dishonest with themselves. “You’re judging me” follows up.
I LOVE your blog. I admire your candor. I enjoy your writing.
Thank you for boldly standing up for Godly principles, which are often out of sync with much of today’s lifestyle–especially as portrayed by the media. Jesus tells us that his followers will be persecuted. It comes with the territory. I’m sorry you’re discouraged, but you’re experience of suffering puts you in good company! (John 15:18-21)
As for what you need to do: Whatever God calls you to! I’m sure you will be in prayer about it, and that by now you know that if you don’t follow God’s will for your life, you’ll be even more miserable!
Praying blessings and peace for you today.
OOPS! I just reread my previous comment, and realized I changed my sentence. I started to put “You’re experiencing suffering, which puts you in good company.” It ended up, “Your experience of suffering puts you in good company!” I HATE it when people get those two words “you’re” and “your” confused! I didn’t confuse them, I just didn’t correct my edit! Feel free to correct it, or, if you can’t, just delete it, so as not to have a comment that looks ignorant! The comment is meant for YOU, not the public, anyway!! May God bless you “real good,” as we say in the Southern US!
Hi Sheila,
There are not enough strong, polite voices discoursing on hot topics. I love that you have strong opinions and take time to share them and flesh them out. (ie not just state them and move on, but also the reasoning behind it any pertinent history etc.)
I read a few of the previous commenters and would agree with those who said their brains would turn to mush without reading “conversations” such as yours. I have moved soooo many times and lost track of many friends and even been afraid to make more because of another potential upcoming move, and your blog and others like it have been a Godsend for me. You would be an awesome in real life friend because you say what needs to be said, but in love. I may not agree with you all the time ( I was one who disagreed with the cosleeping – hopefully I did not come off rudely – that was not my intent), but I love your heart and agree more often then not. Would LOVE you to write more political pieces (one of my great loves). A person can only take so much fluff and there is a Great need for people to take the bull by the horns and say: “No. That is not right. I will not let it stand” .
I would agree that in Christian circles the judgmental word gets tossed around a lot when we just disagree. Perhaps a sneaky way of suggesting God’s unhappy with whom we disagree with? I am tired of all the PC in this culture. I am tired of the pressure to keep my mouth shut and conform or otherwise be thought of, inferred or flat out told that I am being judgmental. It may be considered judgmental by some but I believe it is in good judgment.
Today there is a great lack of perspicacity (my husband’s favorite word). A number of individuals seem to have no filter between their thoughts and their mouths. In all that I have read from you, I have never read anything that seemed off the cuff. Even if I disagreed you had given a reasoned, thought out post. You cannot possible be able to know how everyone of your readers may respond to something you have written, we all have different backgrounds, theories, beliefs and buttons 😉 I think your comment to not judge the blogger by one post is more than fair. How many of us could stand up to a critique of one conversation read by almost 300,000?
Also, I think often people don’t comment on blogs unless something really strikes them. I know I don’t, I don’t have the time. Sometimes when I do start posting I stop because it is going to take longer than I feel I have time for or even – because I am afraid it will come of on the wrong note and I don’t want to offend. But sometimes we need to take the risk of offending, after all that is what Christ has called us to do, not to sit idle and allow the culture to continue to quickly degrade. We are to be the salt of the world, and salt can sting.
Thank you for not being afraid to make your opinions and heart known, for taking a strong stance against the extreme permissiveness of our culture. I hope you don’t stop, but definitely look for God’s guidance and take what time you need to know what He would have you do. I will be praying for you. 🙂
Sheila,
There will always be more of them than there are of us. People who speak the truth at showing light into darkness and they that live in darkness don’t like it. Scripture tells us that the way is narrow and few are they that find it. If you quit, who’s the next one and who’s next after that? Who’s going to keep the light shining for those in darkness to find the way?
Wolves always try to separate one from the herd. Get it alone and wear it down for the kill. When the herd stays together, the cowardly wolves move on to easier prey. You are not alone! We stand with you in prayer and the Word. Your blog is strong and vibrant and we need it to help shine more light into the darkness. Stay strong!
Please don’t stop blogging – I just found you!
Seriously, I really, really enjoy reading your blog, and I’ve greatly appreciated your boldness in saying things that us women truly need to hear. There are so many “mommy blogs” that it’s good to pull up my blog reader and read a “wifey blog” for a change. I don’t always agree with you 100%, but at least once a week I find something that encourages or challenges me.
As another blogger I read once said “when you toss a stone into a pack of dogs, the one who yelps loudest is the one what got hit.” Now I’m not saying that you’re throwing stones or that your readers are dogs, but the application is pretty clear. These people who are saying nasty things about you aren’t doing it because of anything you said. They’re doing it because something pricked one of their preconceived notions or touched a sore spot, and they’re running around yipping their heads off because they don’t know how to react in a calm and rational manner. I know you must know this, but it’s not about you. It’s about them and their issues. If you need to block comments for the next couple weeks or appoint an assistant moderator or something then do it. Take the space you need to clear your head. I just hope you don’t stop blogging. (And here’s a thought, maybe make your blog members only if needed? Or members only to comment? That way you can keep out the troublemakers and still have thoughtful discussions.)
Choose 2 or 4, or even 2 for a time until you aren’t so tired. I must say that I have enjoyed your site, agree or not with what you have said. I can understand how the rantings of the unhappy can wear away at you, just think of all the ones who are quietly happy to read your posts….
I don’t know if you can have a tally of those who read a post and then the # of negative comments, I would guess that the ones who leave an ugly comment are less then those who leave a positive one or no comment at all (i.e. quietly happy to read your posts).
Take heart, we are not all PMS’ing.
I have a question I don’t know where to leave…. Do you know of a good book that a mom can use with her kids about the changes in their bodies? You know, the TALK, for kids from Gr3-5 and up. It was never explained to me very well and I have no idea how to do it for my Gr 5 daugther…
See, you are valued, you are being asked for your advice and opinion….. : ) What more could a blogger want?
Ann–the Passport to Purity program that FamilyLife puts out is good. It’s a series of CDs you listen to with your child and then talk about. I did it with my girls. It’s right here:
Hey Sheila!
Keep up the good work! I deeply respect your open blogs.
But I also understand your hard time with a lot of negative comments.
Hoping and praying that you can and will continue blogging. It really helped my marriage!
Gerben
Dear Sheila,
I do enjoy your blog and hope you keep writing.
I have noticed over the years that when it comes to subjects such as sexuality, roles for women in church and home, eternal security, the role of the Holy Spirit, politics, creation vs evolution, etc. some of the debate between Christians can have the same harsh attitude, just usually without the four letter words- as people of the world debating whatever. I find that sad and disturbing and then we as Christians wonder why the world doesn’t pay more attention to us.
I believe the Apostle Paul got discouraged by some of the complaints from brethren.
I am glad that you have comments turned on. That makes a blog so much more personal.
I thought this was a pretty good comment policy on another blog.
Comment Policy: Please stay positive with your comments. If your comment is rude, it gets deleted. If it is critical, please make it constructive. If you are constantly negative or a general ass, troll, or hater, you will get banned. The definition of terms is left solely up to us.
Sincerely,
Rich
Just after I hit send I remembered that I wanted to encourage you with the scripture I believe it was from Paul who said “When I am weak, He is strong.”
Is that really what people want?
I think people want their feelings and decisions validated by someone else, but that is not your job as blogger.
Your job as a blogger is to share your thoughts when you want to, how you want to, and where you want to. Our job is to read or to go somewhere else if we strongly disagree or find your blog unhelpful.
As for all of the “judging” accusations, the majority of the people who throw that into a conversation simply don’t understand Scripture, but use the accusation to end a conversation.
Every time I hear someone inserting “you’re judging me!” into a conversation, what I hear is a politician disagreeing with his opponent but being unable to articulate why he disagrees, so the politician reaches into his bag of debating tricks, throws out the “you’re a racist” card, and then moves on to another topic.
“You’re judging me!” and “You’re a racist” are simply rhetorical tools used to end discussion on a topic that is making the accuser very uncomfortable.
As for advice, scale back to three days per week and have someone moderate the comments, but leave everything else the same!
Take some time to breathe, as many have said. Please do that; rejuvenate your soul in the Word. Pour your heart out to Him. There is a reason why your year has been about the armor….stripping everything else away, remember and remind yourself what it is that He has called you to in life. Let Him mend the tatters and wounds, let Him give you the strength for each day. Make a choice not based on emotion (hence take time to recoup before decision making) but on calling. The Lord has used you powerfully- because you have been open and obedient to His leading. Please don’t let this choice be any different. I pray that you follow where He leads, and truly, truly remember; what HE wants is what matters most in this life to count toward the next! Prayers and hugs to you!
I have learned so much from your blog and I so appreciate it as a newlywed of 2 years. I know I couldn’t handle the hate mail so I can’t imagne what you put up with. Thank you for everything you do!
Thank you for challenging me in the more personal areas of marriage. God has spoken through even the hard topics. It is good to be challenged. I’m sorry for the meanness. You must be doing something right! Someone needs to speak plainly from a moral Christian perspective. Thank you for being that voice! Have a blessed joyful weekend!
Dear Sheila,
I was truly dismayed to hear that you have so much negativity to deal with on such a frequent basis. People say mean things online that they would never say to someone’s face. I wish people would “grow up” and learn to be respectful. I just want to say that while I don’t comment often, I read your column and follow you on Pinterest so I can hear what you have to say. You have been a much-needed breath of fresh air in a world where too many Christians put on their “fake smiles” and fake attitudes and pretend that they are perfect. That is why so many of us never put ourselves out there – don’t want the “perfect” people to judge us. I pray God will surround you with His love and care and give you a special measure of his grace through this. Whatever you decide your future holds, just know that you have been a blessing to so many of us who have been wounded severely by what the world throws at us. God bless.
Tricia
I love your blog – it’s the only one I read every day. I think it is really a ministry to people in hurting marriages, and a big encouragement to people in happy marriages! No two people are going to agree about every single topic in the whole world!
I’m sure you’ve already thought of this or someone else has already mentioned it, but what if you stopped posting your Friday articles here? Maybe some people are confused about this being a Christian blog, but those articles not necessarily being written for a Christian audience. Plus maybe some people are confused about it being an opinion column for a newspaper. I don’t know what people are thinking, I’m just brainstorming here!
You could still link the articles on FB for those of us who do want to read them.
I’m sorry you’re drained. I would feel the same way. Healthy debate is one thing, but personally attacking people is never acceptable behavior.
PS – Can you please come to DFW? 🙂
I think I am going to be in Texas next October, Megan! I’ll let you know!
YAY!
I love your blog and read it daily. I almost never comment on blogs, but I will certainly start now, just to let the writer know that they are appreciated for their work. We can’t go through life hiding our beliefs. We have to stand strong in them and not be afraid of angering someone. Jesus didn’t care who he angered. You are much braver than I when you share your views for thousands of people to see. And you always do it with love and respect for others. Keep up the great work and don’t let them get you down.
I just wanted to say that I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and I hope others realize how much their comments really affect the person who writes the blog as well.
Then, I wanted to mention how much I truly love your blog! I re-pinned the the article “16 Ways to Flirt With Your Husband” on Pinterest. I went back to read the article, and I was hooked. I did the 29 Days to Great Sex with my husband, and it transformed sex for me! I look forward to reading your blog every day. I think you give great advice on many topics, including wonderful advice on a Christian marriage. It truly has been a blessing to read your advice — I especially enjoyed the Revive your Marriage series and the Wifey Wednesdays.
Please know that your blog efforts are truly appreciated by many, many people out there! Hugs to you in this difficult time!
I’ve been married for 31 years…you know they haven’t all been easy. I’m learning from your posts. I’ve pasted you posts on the others I think would benefit. I’m so thankful I found you. I think that when God is using us to do good things, we often face hardships. That doesn’t mean you need to be a doormat for rude people. I just want to encourage you. I pray that God will bless you today, that he will lead you and give you the strength to follow him where he leads. I hope I’ll see many more of your posts. Regardless, I know that God has used you mightily in the lives of other women, in their marriages and families.
I stumbled upon your blog a few months ago, and I am so glad I did! I love your honesty and openness. Please keep up the good work… So many women benefit from your words, myself included. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sheila –
Your blog is a blessing to me, too! I appreciate your opinion columns as well – it seems fewer and fewer people these days are capable of forming their own opinions, and I’m thankful that you are not one of them. Your articles encourage me as a wife more than I can say. God bless you!
I think if I were you I would not read the ‘critical in an unhelpful way’ comments. They serve no purpose but to discourage you. Quickly delete them and move on. Your blog is wonderful. keep on keeping on.
Keep doing what you are doing. Perhaps you can post your column pieces without allowing comments. People get riled up in the moment, making snap judgments (ironically) and the easy access to a comment box in the moment does not help much.
If this is God talking to you, asking you to slow down, He’ll make it ever more clear. If instead, this is a temptation to stop you doing God’s work, that’ll be made clear as well.
Thank you for posting this. It reminds me that all my favorite blog writers need support in prayer, just like all my friends in other ministries. I have been neglecting you. I’m on it!
Boy is Satan working a good one on you. Don’t you think he wants you to stop what you are doing. You said you weren’t a “Christian” blog….I do disagree. You bring lots of truth to follow paths that God wants us to. By opening yourself up you are sharing God…and ultimately isn’t that what He wants us to do? Share Him through our daily lives. For those of us who can’t write or public speak etc…what else should we do? You have the gift of both in addition to just being you. Maybe you have made a mistake or two in your thoughts that you have posted. No, People should not be harsh or criticize hurtfully. But that’s where Grace comes in for both sides. And we are all on our journey to Him. And I know a lot of people that are amazingly closer to him than I am at this time. But that’s my journey. You are on yours.
I also think we forget to thank people for what they do. So here’s mine: Thank you. I can’t always read everyday. It might not be a topic I am interested in for the moment. But then there other ones that are. So thank you for giving me a different perspective I can look at. My choice to find something to get out of it or not.
Talk to Him on what to do. I am also feeling overwhelmed by all that I am “volunteering for” with 3 kids that are active in a variety of things. Something needs to change. I like all of it, but I can’t keep doing it. And not sure how to fix it. And somewhere I am starting to feel, I’ve lost a bit of myself. I remember life before so much volunteering. We are reading Grace for a Good Girl in class right now….I think it’ll help. So need to slow down enough to find out what He wants me spending my time on.
Hope this helps. Major hugs.
A reader in Texas.
I wrote a big long comment, then decided that my whole point of the convoluted mess was:
I respect you.
I admire you.
I think you’re doing a great work.
Thank you for your sacrifices!
Dont leave !!! You are great and you have helped me so much! Continue to pray and also pray for those posting negative comments. You make have struck a nerve on someone having a bad day. Try not to put to much thought into those because you truely don’t know where all their negativity or why their opinion is do strong on something. Unfortunately they have opinions just like you. I know it hurts but you are suffering and making a sacrifice for the good and to help others, like Jesus. I thank you for that! We all need a break and to vent. Maybe do it less for a while but don’t stop please!
Sheila, you are a big blessing to me and to many others out here. I pray that God grants you the grace, strength and wisdom that you need in this season. He is more than able and He is your portion.
We are not perfect at all. But God uses us just as we are. I have learned tonnes from you and i’ve grown so much. thank you for obeying God and doing what He’s called you to do. God bless you!
So sorry that you are feeling drained and discouraged. Your blog is a blessing to me and so many other women. Perhaps it is time to take a break from comments and just share your heart, without offering the opportunity for feedback? Then you could go back to allowing comments when you feel refreshed and recharged.
Blessings,
Gaye
Hi Shiela
I really hope you get to read my comment. I couldnt wait to finish the article to write a response.
Let me tell you…. you are doing what I am not brave enough to do. Telling it like it is.
For too long as Christians we see things and want to comment on it or even question it and we dont. Because of some unwritten rule of Christians keeping quiet. Especially about the matrimonial bed!!!
Please dont stop posting – because I dont have your book(s) and I live far away – I wont get to any of your lectures so this blog is what helps me. Continue what you are doing we will pray for you and your article and the ‘judgemental’ naysaying will soon cease. And I hope I will finally get to speak my mind in my Blog – because there is so much we can do in this world as Christians as mothers as wives and you have already started and its up to the rest of us to follow.
Your ‘fairly’ new fan!!!
Shiela
Your on the right track. Sometimes I think it it an easy cop-out for people to say,” don’t be judging people until you get the log out of your eye.” We all need to be good judges of what is right and wrong. I truly believe people are not rejecting you, but God and his values.
THANK YOU!
Mark-
I have really enjoyed your blog for a few reasons!!
1. It is nice to hear someone not of my faith having the same views as I do on all the subjects so far. It is hard NOT to write exactly what the world wants to hear. Because they get angry when they can’t do whatever they want. However, God does not want us to do whatever we want to others, to our bodies, or with our partners he wants us to love our bodies and respect them because after all he created them. He wants us to love and respect others as well. Sometimes it feels that I belong to a religion and they (we) are the only ones who feel this way. Then when I came across your blog and it was right instep with what I believe, to know there are others out there that have the same views is very refreshing to me. Someone who is bold and does not mind going against the grain and staying with beliefs is awesome! Because of this it has made me want to learn more. I like how you explain porn, “toys”, mast…, etc. It is what I believe, but when you explained it, it made since why. When ever I have heard things on tv they always encourage these things saying it is better or ok. I have often wondered why I have been taught not to do it when the media teaches why to do it. So now I get it. Thank you.
2. You have also really helped my marriage. I have been married ten years with some ups and downs. Wondering what was wrong with me. Being hesitant and shy. Not feeling very good in the sex area. Then I found the blog dating diva’s which helped a lot to helping me think differently. Wanting to make dating a priority. We also attended a marriage class I loved focusing on finding the real problems in marriage. Recently, about a year later I found you which gave me an even a greater understanding, at a time when i was praying how to make my marriage stronger. Because, i felt like giving up. Things you have talked about has made me better understand the marriage class we took. Understanding what the main issues are for my husband. With all of these things coming together and making since has done wonders for my marriage. I get why sex is so important. I like the quote, “Satan wants us to have sex before marriage, but not after”. Now, my marriage does not feel like it will fall apart any second. My husband is happier, I am happier and therefore we both try to serve and love each other more. We still have struggles and through it have had some major break throughs.
These would not have happened without your blog to encourage, teach, and speak to my heart.
Thank you so much for your help, thoughts, and teachings even on subjects that are hard.
3. Lastly it has all helped me feel stronger in my faith and religion. It has brought me closer to God because prayers and questions have been answered. I feel better about myself, and want to be a better person, wife and mother.
This is something that makes me very angry. There is so much talk about bullying among children these days, but what about bullying among ADULTS? Because stuff like this is bullying, plain and simple. And for it to be happening among women who claim to be Christians (because I’ve seen it in more places than here!) is…what words do I use…well, it’s unacceptable. Ya’ll wonder why we have such a problem with children bullying? It’s because the adults around them are setting the example.
Sheila, your blog has done so much more good than you know. For every comment and e-mail and letter from a bully, there are many more readers who have been helped by the message you share. The good outweighs the bad. The bad just likes to be louder than the good. It’s about time the good raised its voice.
Oh Shiela, you have no idea what a blessing you are to so many. Well, maybe you do now. lol I’ve spent way too much time this morning reading all of the comments. The one common thread is encouragement and love from fellow writers, readers and believers. Yay God!!!!
Oh thank you to all who have written words of delight and encouragement to this dear woman. Thank You Jesus for the family of God!
Heavenly Father, I ask that you bless Shiela this very moment with an overwhelming sense of Your love. Please give her direction as she wants only to serve those You have given her to serve. Please replace peace and comfort where hurt has begun to reside. And please, please change the hearts of those who have nothing better to do than spew negativitiy.
In the matchless name of our Lord, Savior and Friend, Jesus, amen.
Sheila, I think that your blog is a huge help to so many women. I’m sorry you’re getting so much flack. I don’t agree with all your postings, but I’ve never thought of leaving your blog or saying hurtful things to you. Honestly, I appreciate the way you state your opinions and don’t apologize. You don’t have to. The way you say things is clearly YOUR opinion. Not something you’re thrusting on others as fact. I’m praying for you. Don’t give up your blog! It’s helped so many women. It’s evident that the Lord has blessed you and gifted you with the ability to blog these opinions and thoughts.
I just started reading your blogs around the time I got engaged. A year later (and married) I still appreciate your insight. Keep posting Sheila. You’re helping a lot of women – and men! May the Lord cover you with peace and His armor protect you.
Just a quick note to say that you are a true instrument of God! I thank God often that you have the courage to speak up about tough issues. You speak the truth. I will now go beyond thanks in my prayers and ask God to lift you up to continue your incredible ministry.
You are awesome and are doing a great job!
I am blessed by your blog and I know that it is ordained by God. Keep your eye on the finish line and do not give up! May the LORD be a shelter to you, may He cover you with His feathers of protection!
I’m sorry you are feeling discouraged. I know I have commented on past posts of yours where I disagreed, and if anything I said was hurtful or disrespectful to you, I apologize. Overall, I enjoy your blog, I learn a lot and I think God has really blessed your ministry.
There is nothing wrong with taking a break if you need it. Maybe a rest from blogging will help you gain seem distance from the hurt and allow you to reflect on God’s plan for your blog. I hope you are able to find some us to relax and refresh your spirit.
On a practical note, doesn’t the comment section of your posts say something like “Speak your Mind!” Maybe you could add something reminding people to be respectful and polite in their comments
I’m not sure how to change what it says! Does anyone who uses WordPress know? I can’t find it. I’d love to change it, but I don’t know where on the Dashboard you do.
And I don’t remember any specific disagreements we’ve had, Amanda, but like I said, I never mind disagreements. What I do mind is when people start saying, “You’re giving Jesus a bad name.” That really hurts. And I certainly don’t remember you saying anything like that!
Oh! My husband is like a web guru. I’ll ask him. Though someone else will probably beat me to it. 🙂
My blog is on WordPress too, and here is what I found.
Dashboard, then
Settings, then
Discussion. On the “Discussion” page, at the bottom, is a section called Comment Form. There’s a line that says Prompt, and there is a box where I can type in the header for my comments section.
Hope this is helpful!
This only works with certain themes or plug-ins. How she changes it will depend on what she has installed.
sheila,
its just a cold hard fact: all who desire to live Godly will be persecuted and many are the afflictions of the righteous. if we choose to be in the public eye, we will be a lightening rod for criticism, attack, gossip and all out slander. Its just ridiculous. I learned long ago, if no one is criticizing you, be afraid. perhaps we’re heading in the wrong direction if no one is taking issue with what we’re saying. you do a fantastic job and I know my own wife of 18 years loves your blog and reads it quite often.
to be a bit sarcastic and knowing you, you will laugh at this, but remember no good deed goes unpunished. hahahahahaha. soo many times we try to do the right thing and help people, only to get gutted by their words, their spirit and cold approach to what is most precious to us.
rise up friend. rise up and keep doing what you are doing as your voice matters and is making a difference. sometimes rising up, is taking a sabbatical. or a few days off. or, maybe its get some coffee, espresso, rise up, get bold and write even more with more passion and more desperation.
if this wasn’t happening to you….perhaps you wouldn’t be learning what you are learning. within the field of difficulty and criticism, there is buried treasure for all of us. we just might not know what it is RIGHT NOW.
take courage friend. YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE.
Sheila, I adore you. I know your heart. And… I know we’ll chat about this soon but I thought I’d give you some things to chew on beforehand.
Think of this blog as a book. You can have varying chapters but there must be a common thread. Your audience must be defined and then you write to that specific audience. With that in mind, my opinion is that your opinion column has no place here. It doesn’t fit the dynamic of the blog as a whole and to me it is in an entirely different voice from your other posts. I’d consider eliminating it. It doesn’t add to the blog but it does seem to take away.
And if you don’t post on Friday that will not be wasted space. Use that space to promote other blogs or articles, useful pins from Pinterest (family photos, ideas to edify marriage, etc), Facebook conversations, or Tweets that you really enjoyed. That promotes others, increases community, and expands your social media presence.
And those opinion articles aren’t wasted. They are published in the paper where the audience reading them expects to hear that voice and that style. I hope that helps a bit and I hope you don’t stop blogging. Marriages everywhere need to hear what God has given you the gift to say.
Oh…I may be the lone voice out there, but I really don’t want you to stop posting your opinion column. I look forward to it. Besides the information in the column alone, it also serves to “flesh you out” (for my lack of a better way to define it). I understand you better and your other pieces better by getting to know you better and your opinions on other matters. I’m not a blogger, but I have noticed one important difference between blogging and the conventional written word: We , the readers, get to know you better (at least those who follow your blog for awhile), we can comment back -respectfully, you can explain, qualify, improve your statements. That doesn’t happen as naturally with a book or newspaper column. When something you have written has me thinking hmmmm… “What does she mean here? “, I will read the comments and often what yoo reply to another commenter is an Aha!”
Sorry, accidentally hit post before I was done.
I enjoy reading other aspects about you, be it about your family life, political views etc. Sounds voyeurish I know…sorry. It is rather unfair to the blogger that you “put it all out there” so to speak and we can pick and choose when to respond…but I don’t know how that can be changed.
In a nutshell my comment is: PLEASE don’t only and always talk about sex in marriage…I know it is the main thrust in your blog and ministry but I find your other posts refreshing and informative.
Also I wanted to clarify my other also paragraph in a previous comment on this thread. I wasn’t giving those who post disrespectfully a pass, but rather -poorly- trying to comment that you probably (definitely as evidenced here by this outpouring of goodwill and please don’t stop blogging comments) have many more readers who agree and appreciate your opinions and comments than you do detractors.
Keep the faith!
🙂
Dear Sheila,
I read your post last night and I so wanted to reply right away but we had to go somewhere. Looks like you don’t really need my comment. But I wanted to write a note of encouragment to you.
YOU ARE A BLESSING TO ME!!!
I appreciate all you write about. I appreciate you taking the time to write me personally when I e-mail you. I appreciate you standing on the Word of God. We are called to be a light in this dark world, and you are doing a great job. Remember that the world is full of darkness and there are a lot of people who don’t want to hear the truth. You need to do what God calls you to do. That is what all believers need to do. Don’t let the naysayers get you down. I know that is so hard to do at times, I’m experiencing some of that myself right now. However, God is faithful and we must be faithful.
I’m not the most articulate person but I wanted to thank you for what you write about. You might step on my toes sometimes, but I need that once in awhile. Thank you for speaking the truth.
God Bless,
Kim in NC
p.s. I’ve given several books to newly weds and brides to be. The latest bride is getting married today. You can pray for Kasey and Trey as they start their new lives together. They are following God’s plan for marriage and are both 20. She thanked me for the book and told me it meant a lot to her that I would give her the book. They are also helping start a new church near us. His father, our youth pastor, is marrying them today.
I LOVE your blog and reading your opinions. I’m thankful I ran into your blog and bought your book (Good Girl’s Guide. . .) 🙂 I thank God for you and for your ministry to help marriages. So many are in trouble these days and people NEED to hear the truth. Many are offended by the truth because it makes them uncomfortable or feel bad or whatever, but it needs to be out there.
As far as people being rude . . . ahhhh! I don’t understand why people can’t disagree in a nice way. They don’t have to be nasty about it.
Just remember Galatians 6:9: And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. I pray God gives you the strength to continue on and that you’ll find the rest and comfort you need in Him (Hebrews 4: 9-16)! 🙂
Praying for you!
God bless!
I stumbled upon your blog not long ago while desperately searching for answers. My sex life with my husband was causing him so much pain. I just didn’t ever want to have sex. Everything he did annoyed me, and I was too exhausted to even try to make it better. I felt terrible, but I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I felt so broken. Then, I saw your 29 Day challenge. I read everything in one sitting. What a blessing! Not only were you telling me I wasn’t broken, but you were giving me BIBLICAL answers! Shelia, I am so thankful for you and this blog. My sex life isn’t where I want it, but we’re getting there…and it’s because of this site.
I am always impressed that you say what you believe so boldly and plainly. I get frustrated when people water down their Christianity to not offend. The Gospel offends, whether we are believers who feel our sin being revealed or non-believers who feel anything Christian is judgemental. Why should you lower the bar of living Christ-like because some people don’t want to be challenged to change their thinking and deepen their understanding of the Lord? I feel confident that for every rude comment left by someone who thinks they’re “waxing eloquent” by putting you down (and sometimes putting God down), there are even more people reading it and feeling inspired or challenged or validated.
Thank you, Shelia, for this blog and your ministry to women by taking on the hard stuff. If you stop blogging, I understand, but I pray you will continue because you are helping women all over the world by going into things that others are too timid to address. Thank you!
You, my sister in Christ, are a beacon in a very dark world. The emeny has spread so many lies about what is okay within “consenting relationship”, and especially marriage that those who are offended have been very carefully taught. He also uses seeds of discouragement to slow down those who are making Kingdom investments – don’t let him win!
Reading your blog is a choice, and those who disagree are free not to read! (kind of like how I can choose to never have Honey Boo Boo on my T.V. set)
You share your wisdom and experiences for those who wish to grow, and yes, be challenged. I remember a speaker once telling us that if we were uncomfortable with what she was saying – she was happy to make us itch! Our job was to then scratch that itch, and figure out what was causing it.
Often our offense is because of something that we see within ourselves, and don’t want to deal with our personal issues. Your blog opens that for us, and gives us a way to heal, move on, clean up our act, etc…
Thank you for being bold enough to be a real voice in a world of platitudes and happiness. Marriage and it’s intimate details are sometimes hard to navigate, and hearing a Godly woman share real solutions is a blessing.
Personally – I get the reaction to negative comments, and I’d seriousl look at moderating posts before they are posted…delete, and forget the ones that are inflamatory(with a prayer for God’s peace through their anger) and share the ones that we all can learn and grow from.
Sending virtual hugs…
Diana
Sheila, I found your blog when I was still engaged. At that time, I was nervous because I had heard so many negative things about the first year of marriage. I was also scared about the wedding night!! Your words brought me comfort and encouragement. You helped me gain a godly perspective on intimacy, and I stopped being fearful. I’ve been married four months now, and everything is wonderful. I want to thank you for your blog and how it has encouraged me! I know you talk a lot about intimacy, but you also talk about being a servant to our husbands. I think that has made a huge difference for me! When I think about how I can show Christ’s love to my husband, I don’t think about myself!
Like you, I have a passion for writing, and I was a Creative Writing Major in college. I will never forget my writing workshops, and how beat up I felt after my peers critiqued my work! I felt so discouraged, since I’d poured my heart out on those pages. Most of my classmates were not believers, and they kept telling me to dirty up my work. I learned a lot from that class, but I never changed my style. The Lord calls me to write for him, and I have to keep that focus.
Scriptures say that the darkness doesn’t understand the light. I think you should feel rather encouraged, because you are sharing Christ’s light! Please know the ministry you’ve had in so many lives and marriages. I tell all my friends about your blog! There is nothing wrong with being tired; in fact God tells us to rest in him! I love reading how Paul and others spent time with the Lord before going out in ministry. May the Lord bless you as you have been a blessing to others.
Matthew 15:18 reminds us that when we are hated on, He was first. He spoke nothing but the truth and was killed for it. He had negativity following wherever He went.
I have been blogging for four years and ran a busy political blog before coming to ministry. Political blogs are awful foe abusive commentary but I took in what challenged me and discarded the rest. The negativity either fueled my truth or it challenged my truth… either way, I spoke/speak truth.
When people call you out for not condemning something, it’s usually because they lack grace but it’s good to consider and pray over what they say. When people call you judgemental, it’s because they’ve probably formed a comfortable form of Jesus that isn’t true to the word of God.
Who are you benefitting by quitting? You aren’t benefitting the Kingdom and it makes no difference to Negative Nancy if you quit.
There will always be naysayers. It’s the nature of humanity. There will always be criticism because the enemy desires to shut us up and isolate us from people who are seeking truth.
If you have truth to offer, you would only be doing the enemy a favor by stopping.
Sheila,
I have been reading your blog for about a year and LOVE what you have to say. You have ministered to my husband and me in ways that I would never be able to express. The Lord has used your blog to help lead us into a deeper, more intimate relationship, even after 22 years of marriage. Thank you for being bold and speaking truth into this hurting world. When I read your post, I immediately thought of II Corinthians 12:8-10:
“Three times I pleaded with The Lord about this (a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan), that it should leave me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
I have never posted a comment on a blog before . . . but it was important to me to say this in appreciation for your ministry.
Praying that His All-Sufficient Power and Grace would encourage and strengthen you.
Keep going! I love reading your blog. There was only one time I didn’t share your opinion on something. It never once crossed my mind to be judgmental. I simply prayed about it, reexamined what god had for me in my particular situation. Thanks for writing with conviction!
Hi Sheila!
I went and read your article on piercing and whatnot. Can I just say I agreed with you 100%! Can I also tell you that I read the comments and Melissa and a couple of others were just downright mean! I would hate for you to quit writing your fabulous blog based on them. They didn’t approach you humbly but with pride and hatefulness. Please don’t give them any satisfaction in getting into your head. You were not judgmental in the least and just because a choice few threw that craziness at you doesn’t mean it’s true. They probably know someone who is like that or they are like that and you struck a nerve. I can say, I have a brother with the sleeve tattoo but I still totally agree with you. Your post was not judgmental, it was your opinion. Keep up your fabulous work and for those that want to leave because they are so easily offended I say, ” Don’t let the door hit you in the butt on your way out!”
Much love, Amy
I rarely leave comments in sections that have so many comments already, because who reads every single one of these? However, I have watched you in the blogosphere and although I differ with you on some things (and I don’t mind) I just felt I needed to say something. This problem in the blogosophere isn’t going away. There are rude people everywhere and oftentimes people spout off snarky responses (and blog articles). Such is life. I try to keep in mind that perhaps people have been horribly abused in the past, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. Some words are triggers that cause a knee jerk reaction out of protection of one’s self.
The “judgmental” accusation card gets pulled just as quickly as the “you’re a heretic” card. God has given you a passion for traditional marriage. God has given me a passion for loving people who are different. You get accused of being judgmental and I get accused of heresy because I actually befriend and love people who aren’t Christians. Go figure.
I think people are generally just afraid. We all have identity issues and wrestle with who we are and are trying to figure out what we really enjoy and what we’re just trying on for a while (like nose piercings).
Your article about piercings told me this, “Sheila thinks it’s scary” and you have the freedom to feel that way. I see someone pierced up, studded neck collars on, and shiny black skin tight clothes on and I wanna run right over and say hello to them. They don’t scare me at all. In fact, I’m more nervous about having conversations with fundamentalists than I am talking with someone who favors the Gothic lifestyle. This is because of my experiences…good and bad. This is just who I am.
Imagine, if you will, that we get to live long enough to experience aliens coming to Earth and our culture mirrors that of Star Wars or Star Trek. Now, I’m not one to entertain the idea of aliens, but..what if?? Or how about going to a third world country where all the women wear bones in their nose piercings, walk around topless, and have large discs in their earlobes? It’s part of their culture.
In America, we have a very diverse culture. Piercings, tattoos, dyed hair and Mohawks are PART of our society. People have the freedom to like it or not like it. That’s their choice. Some people have these appearances for fashion and some really do this for religious reasons. Maybe it’s not so much that they refuse to respect ‘our’ culture..maybe it’s us who refuse to respect theirs.
When people shout out ‘you’re judgmental’ or ‘you’re a heretic’ it’s usually because they’re fearing something…. maybe their lashing out at you is their way of saying “This is who I am and your words hurt me.” People are desperately trying to find out who they are and if something is a part of who they are and it’s taken from them they feel robbed.
As a Christian I think we have become such a spoiled culture..in the Christian religion, because we surround ourselves with people who conform to the same standards and avoid people who are different. But how are we to be a Light in this world if we reject it, belittle it, accuse it, and turn it away? On the flip side, how are Christians supposed to feel safe and comfortable approaching a Gothic person if they’re accused, belittled, and rejected for thinking the fashion is scary?
I personally think that Christians should always be the first to extend hospitality and love no matter what, but not everyone is strong enough in their faith to do so.
So if comments are dragging you down, let someone else moderate for you. Delete the ones that hurt. But also keep in mind that negative comments can help us grow and sometimes we have to listen in between the lines and find out what their hearts are really saying. We are to be salt, but too much salt ruins a good meal.
See, I just loved this comment, Lisa. You didn’t necessarily agree with the post, but you said it so lovingly. As an uninvolved 3rd party, thank you! I have never encountered a blogger who said they minded disagreements — it’s the rudeness, personal attacks, and misinterpretation that are so awful. Thanks for being such a great example.
Thank you, Yvette. 🙂
“It seems that when you don’t want to get it, you won’t.”
“You can’t get upset when you speak your opinion and others speak theirs. Just doesn’t work that way.”
My thoughts exactly. Perhaps this can be something for ALL of us to consider, starting with you, Melissa.
Or we could just delete comments of those we don’t like so they can’t answer for themselves…fair enough.
George, did you get to read where I continued on to say it was BOTH of us that should consider it? Or did she delete it too fast for you to catch that?
Melissa, for the record I did not delete your comments. I put them on moderation, that is all. And as soon as I saw them, I let them through. When I put you on moderation, your comments disappeared for about 30 seconds (during which you wrote me another insulting comment). I have since deleted that last one but let everything else through.
I feel for your situation. I’m sure that must be a very difficult thing to deal with day in and day out. I am not nearly as well-known as you are, nor do I get asked to speak at Family Life Conferences, nor am I a published author, nor do I have things published in a paper, but I have had occasion when I have dared to critique a bible teacher whom women think is above reproach. My husband’s advice was simple: If I can’t take it, I need to shut it down.
I enjoy many of your blog posts, and I have read your book. I don’t think, however it is accurate to see yourself as JUST a blogger. You are far beyond just that. I think it kind of goes with the territory. If I had the profile you do I’d close my comments. A lot of the big blogs don’t have them: Desiring God, Reformation 21. There have been times when Mary Kassian has closed her comments. If you don’t want to close the comments down, have a moderator.
If people are objecting to you, it likely means your words have convicted them in some way; that’s probably good in the long run.
Well, there are tons of comments on this post and I haven’t read all of them, but I’ll just add my voice saying that I am so sorry people are idiots. I have found the Christian blogging world more disheartening than I expected…I guess I thought that people would be as careful with their words in writing as they were in person and it’s just not true. People are actually nastier in writing than they are in person. Why do we think we are off the hook from employing godly communication skills when we comment on authors’ posts? If we could all just stick to obeying God’s word in verses such as Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
And I also hope that you are able to continue writing this blog…I love it and I refer people here all the time!!!
I found your blog during the “29 days…” series, and loved it! I bought your (then) new book, “The Good Girls Guide to Great Sex” for myself (even though I’ve been married for 28 years!) and after reading much of it, bought copies for both of my future daughter-in-laws (now married to my 2 sons) and they have both expressed appreciation for this resource. Bless you , sister, and continure the good work the Lord has set before you, in whatever way he continues calling you to. We love you, and will be praying for you! I would like to apologize that more of us don’t speak up until someone expresses that they’re struggling. I will try to work on being more supportive and encouraging with the bloggers I read BEFORE they experience burnout, defeat or attacks. Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability!
Sheila,
I routinely look forward to your blog posts. You are thoughtful and challenging, something I think the body of Christ needs. You’ve been willing to take on the hard subjects, with humor and grace. Bless you.
I’ve learned over the years that rude comments are really more about the one that comments than about you. They haven’t yet learned that others are allowed to have opinions and that most of the time rudeness is a sin. Their bad, not yours. (I guess this is where you get to practice the “pray for those that mistreat you” scripture. Luke 6:28)
I hope you keep blogging. You are a blessing to so many. Unfortunately for some people…the truth that offends the most is the truth that will set people free. When people attack you from being offended, they are probably seeing a truth they aren’t willing to face. Your topics are what real people face with real godly solutions. Jesus was attacked all the time…I would say you must be on the same track if it’s happening to you too (the track of setting people free). Thank you for all you do!
I find your columns very refreshing, actually, especially the one yesterday about tattoos and piercings, because it’s SO TRUE but no one else wants to say those hard things!
And as for your blog and books — Thank-you so much for writing! Although I came from a Christian home, I am still amazed at the lies in my head about sex, and I am thankful for your posts that shed truth on the subject. Never was able to talk to my parents about sex! So thank-you for writing, and please don’t stop. My husband would probably get down on his knees and beg you not to stop writing as well!!!
Recently in my scripture study I’ve been noticing how horribly treated Christ, the prophets, and apostles are, but despite all the opposition, affliction and tribulation, they continue in their missions. I wonder how in the world did they find the strength to continue when at times it seemed everybody was against them?
Sometimes I can feel terribly hypersensitive about strangers being rude (interpret: clinically diagnosed with anxiety) to the point where I avoid people altogether. But the examples in the scriptures have encouraged me to continue doing good even if it means people are jerks about it. It sucks, but I am growing as a person.
A Christian throwing “heretic” or “judgmental” comments at another person should consider the “beam and mote” counsel. Nobody’s perfect, nobody has the same opinions, get over it. Such self-righteous fervor is better put to use with people who try to degrade and demean women rather than uplift and strengthen them.
I read your blog BECAUSE your opinions are rooted in Christ, and because your topics are extremely helpful to me as a woman, even though I may disagree with something here or there. Some forget that calling names is not nice. Some apparently haven’t learned that yet. Don’t worry about them Sheila. This could be an opportunity to further practice your faith, but there are some realities to continuing on.
1) There will always be people who will be mean about their disagreement.
2) Dealing with it will be hard, but not harder than Jesus’ power to heal and support you.
3) You are not alone.
Maybe you can help the mean commenters, maybe you can’t. But don’t stop helping the rest of us. Are a load of unkind comments really going to be all it takes to silence your very important voice?
I think this may be my first time visiting your blog and wanted you to know I love your honesty. Reaching through the screen and giving you a hug! May Christ strengthen you to endure that which he has asked you to do.
Thank you for what you do. Thank you for being an encouragement to me in the middle of a very difficult marriage. I have confidence that our Lord will direct you in the way you should go. I’ll be praying for you, that you will be encouraged.
Sheila,
I really hope you continue to blog. I love reading what you write and I believe you are answering the questions people have or didn’t even know they were asking! It hasn’t been that long that I found your blog, but I must say it came at the right time in my life. I’ve been struggling with various things in my relationship with my husband and you have made me think, brought to attention areas where I have been lacking and honestly saying what I needed to hear. You have a way of writing that’s honest and tactful and refreshing. I like that you don’t back away from the tough subjects and do you best to address whatever you can. Keep it up! But I do think maybe you should consider a break or finding away to deal with your stress. God bless you!
Just wanted to add to the love fest!
*hug*
What ever happen to the old saying “If you can’t say something nice don’t say it at all”? People take freedom of speech to far. There is a conduct of how to say things without being hurtful and rude.
I enjoy your site and the great advice that you present to us women. People need to realize that is what it is ADVICE.
Hang in there.
Your blog is great. I take what I like and move on from anything I don’t need. We all deserve respect. You’re brave for speaking so boldly on some topics. I’d suggest cutting back if it’s too much. You can still put your energy into what your passion is but just 1-3 times a week or month. Take a vacation even. 🙂 Good luck with your decision!
It is easy to say and hard to do, but ignore those who try to pull you down. Everyone has an opinion, you own yours and make the hard choice to share it! You are great!
I have been reading your blog for a couple of months now. I don’t always agree with everything that you say but I can see your point and agree to disagree about it. I rarely comment on any blog but I felt that I needed to this time. You said that 300,000 people visit your blog every month, how many of those people leave a negative comment? I know that every negative comment hurts but think about the all of the positive comments that you receive and about people like me who don’t usually leave a comment, even when we really love what you said. Sorry! The people that are leaving rude comments are saying more about themselves than they are about you. They are saying a lot about their maturity as a person and as a christian. Please don’t let them get you down. I tell my children that Jesus was the only perfect one to ever walk the face of this earth, gentle, loving, kind, He healed the sick and raised the dead. There were people that hated Him so much that they killed Him. If everyone did not love Him, and He was perfect, then don’t expect everyone to love either. He told us that we would be hated, mocked and scorned. I know that does not make the comments not hurt but maybe it can put them into a better perspective and make dealing with them a little easier. May God continue to bless you and may He continue to use you to bless us!
Sheila, bless you! You will be in my prayers as you make this decision. I have loved your blog and your book (Good Girl’s) because you tell it like it is!! I too tend to ask the hard questions, and as long as I have been reading your blog, I have been impressed with the tact you generally use in your posts. Yes, you opinion pieces are a bit more opinionated, but( hello?) that’s the point! It’s usually a tough love message that needs to be said. I wonder sometimes how you have the strength to handle the comments. Perhaps you could have a friend, editor, or husband read the comments to protect you. Please don’t stop speaking out. You have a voice which needs to be heard. God gave you a gift of a sharp mind! Prayers for strength and encouragement!
I’ve loved reading your blog, and I’m really sorry to hear people get so worked up about your opinions. I once listened to a comedian who told about reading the comments on one of his videos. There were many people who liked his performance, and many people who insulted him and said he was the worst comedian ever. He didn’t know who to believe, and he was really discouraged. But as he was on youtube, he found a funny video, someone making a baby giggle, and there were even rude comments on that!!!
My point is that there will always be people who disagree. Some will do it nicely, and some will be unbearably rude. If it is an option for you, maybe you could find someone to be a comment moderator for you who will delete the rude comments and you don’t even have to see them. It is your blog. My policy is to only take offense when offense is intended. I truly think you mean well.
Thanks for writing, I really enjoy your blog.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
Please don’t be derailed by people who don’t have the same burden as you. You have been called. Not all Christians grow and some allow the devil to use them as a stumbling block to the work of God.
I pray against the spirit of fear, may God give you courage, may He give u boldness to continue in your journey.
I pray for peace that surpasses all understanding. I pray that God may keep you until this storm passes. May He be your strength and your guide. May He surround you with people who would point you to Him.
I love you. God loves you more and approves of you as His child.
I am praying the the Lord wrap his arms around you and comfort you. Your blog is honest, consistent and most of all loving. You care about people. Some want you silenced because you call for change. The enemy of our souls doesn’t want us to change, have fellowship with God and strong marriages, You won’t know how much you have helped marriages this side of heaven. John 10: 9-13
I can see by your post that you are burdened down, and it is a shame that people are so rude and inconsiderate. I just found your blog a few months ago when I was engaged to be married. I have thoroughly enjoyed reading every post. You answer questions that I would have never asked, and I appreciate it. You have helped me a great deal, and I hope you continue to blog. You have my support!
This post made me so sad. I have thoroughly enjoyed your blog as you are one of the only Christian’s I know who write so openly and honestly. I’m so sorry that others are tearing you down. I pray that you will feel ‘built up’ and strong in your armor of God.
Sheila,
I have only been reading your blog for about 3 months but I love it and though there may be the odd thing that you’ve said that I don’t agree with, I know that we’re all different and it’s your opinion. I have found many other great bloggers through this blog and while I can’t remember how I stumbled upon your blog I am so glad I did!
My husband is in the process of getting help for an addiction to porn and it’s been a hard journey at times but I’ve also learned that I have some issues to work through myself and our bedroom life has not been great the past few years. Through your blog, and others, I have come to look at things in a new light and our sex life has greatly improved, partly from what I’ve learned on here and partly what we’ve learned through counselling. What you are doing is SO needed and I am sorry that you feel so beaten down by the negative comments. I agree with what others have said…take some time for yourself if you need to but I hope that you will continue to write on here…there are so many of us who need to hear what you have to say, and I for one love reading your stuff!
You are one of the few bloggers and speakers who tell it like it is and truly exhort women PRACTICALLY on how they can change heart issues and get to the core of what they need to do in marriage. I wish that “haters” would remember that bloggers are people, and that not only does it hurt the blogger, but it colors other reader’s experience when people bring negativity.
Respectful disagreement, please, everyone! And many, many times, when you fundamentally disagree with someone online, it is better simply not to read their content. Your mission is to help women discover their true purpose in God’s eyes. If someone doesn’t agree with discussing sex openly, they’re not going to change your mission by saying that. Everyone needs to respect Sheila’s beliefs and her platform.
I, for one, look forward to your column and it breaks my heart that you are so discouraged by the judgement of others. Your posts and columns make me think and challenge me in my marriage and life. I will be praying for protection against the attacks of both Satan, (he knows the good you are doing for God’s kingdom and will do everything he can to discourage you from it), and others.
Sheila,
I want to encourage you to keep at your blog and being authentic. It is a fallen world and there are people who are in dark places along their lives path. Learning to let some of the vile and hateful things people say just roll off our backs is something that we all have to learn. We are all entitled to our opinions even the people out there that disagree, but it is not OK to hurt or denigrate another for their opinion – so all those out there being hateful – please do what any kindergartner is taught – treat others as you want to be treated.
There are subjects that are like lightening rods too – and you my friend have chosen one. Our sexuality is a core piece of who we are. It is one of the favorite places that Satan likes to twist into something ugly. Sex today is used to sell products; obsessive pornography viewing is growing for both males and females; and more and more marriages are in jeopardy.
Please be proud that you are one of the few people in this world against the overwhelming tide of our popular culture that are standing up for marriage. For healthy sexuality. Please don’t give up the fight. And it is a battle you are waging my friend. But there are many like myself that will come along side you. And there will be victories. So please, please don’t give up.
I would like to leave you with this quote:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” – Theodore Roosevelt
Remember it is easy to attack and criticize. It takes great courage to be the woman in the arena.
Hi Sheila,
I’ve only been blogging about 1 1/2 years and my readership is so much smaller than yours, but I have experienced some of the same frustrations on a smaller scale.
Typically, I find that the negative commenters are meaner in their judgments of me than I have been in anything I’ve written. I’ve never called anyone cruel, mean, or hateful in my devotions, but commenters have called me those things. It’s funny that they are sensitive to the feelings of an anonymous person in my devotion but not sensitive to my feelings.
I know some are non-Christians, but I’m pretty sure some are sweet Christians who would never say such rude things to me in person. 98% do so anonymously….a real signal that even they are too ashamed to put their name on what they’ve written…at least I put mine on my devotions.
I write 5 days a week and sometimes my husband/editor misses a typo. I’ve been told that I’m so stupid that I don’t even know 3rd grade English.
So I feel your pain and know your frustration…and I’m sorry for you. I think it must be part of the territory of writing. I sometimes ask myself if I’m cut out for it, but I do feel like God has called me to do it, so I must be. And you are obviously gifted in writing and speaking for God’s purposes.
But maybe you should quit taking comments for a while if you get so many negative ones. So sorry for you. I’m glad you shared this…It’s apparent that many others have experienced it as well.
Your blog is amazing, I’m not someone who really reads blogs, but yours is an exception. It’s uplifting and thought-provoking and relevant to a wide range of christian women. Don’t let the negative whiners get you down. You are doing such an amazing ministry through this website. Keep us the great work, your blog is reaching and touching the lives of many people in a wonderful way. Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 55:22, John 16:33.
That’s funny–Isaiah 41:10 was our verse in church today!
Sheila,
I read your blog almost daily and I think that what you have to say touches and helps so many lives – including mine. As a newly married woman it’s so helpful to read your advice and to take it to heart. You’re not judgemental. The reason people call you that is because you get to the heart of the matter. You say it like it is which is what we all need to hear. The reason they are attacking you is because they feel convicted and they don’t like it. You’re God’s vessel into spreading the word and helpful advice to women out there. You know how the people of Israel never seemed to like those prophets? It’s because they brought news from God that the people didn’t like. It made them feel uncomfortable so they attacked the prophet. What you’ve written is truth and it speaks to people. They call you judgemental just because they enjoy their safe little bubble of naivety towards a situation and don’t want to be convicted.
Keep on blogging. God still has a lot to say through you. 🙂
If people don’t like what you have to say, they don’t have to subscribe to your blog. Some of us very much appreciate what you have to say. My marriage has been crumbling around me this year and your words have helped me immeasurably. I forward some of your especially helpful posts to my husband, hoping something will wake him up so he will change his mind about leaving. Nothing has worked so far, but I look forward to your posts everyday as they give me hope for a marriage that I once had, but lost. I’m hoping to have that marriage again someday. Thank you!
I’m just now seeing this but I wanted to tell you, Sheila, that I think you are awesome and I love your blog! I am so thankful that I stumbled upon it one day. You are not judgemental, people just have thin skin. You handle everything with tact and grace and I love what you have to say. Thank you for being transparent and for opening yourself up for all to see. You keep it up…keep writing, keep blogging, keep praying and seeking God’s face. Say what God has led you to say. I personally don’t want anything less.
You are doing great job and I always believe that you will become a successful blogger someday. You have inspired many people and I really appreciate your effort your passion in blogging. Keep it up!
Please oh please whatever you do, don’t stop blogging. You speak truth into much needed areas that Christian woman are sometimes (often) in dire need of. Your book spoke to both my and my husband’s hearts and souls and brought much needed healing. You have a gift that God has entrusted to you. Take a breather if you need, but please oh please oh please do NOT give this up. Will be praying for peace in the decision!
I will be honest: I always read your blog (I even catch up when I am days late). Sex is something I have definitely been struggling with in my marriage, and your blog has been a huge encouragement for me (and my husband very much appreciates that, too!). I get your blogs by email, and I will admit that I read it and almost always click over to read the comments because some of your posts tend toward the controversial side of things. I almost always come away either whole-heartedly agreeing, respectfully disagreeing, or with more understanding about both sides of the issue.
I apologize that I very, very rarely comment, but I had to let you know that I do hope you continue to write. Someone has to talk about the hard things; in fact, Jesus did, and He was rather divisive. Thank you for providing this place for us.
I don’t usually comment on blogs. I’m lucky I find the time to read them, let alone respond. But I always make time to read your blog. Without going into a lot of detail here, I hope to one day write to you and tell you that you were instrumental in saving my marriage.
So keep up the good work. You can’t control other people, only yourself. So don’t let other people control how you feel about yourself or your work!
God bless you!
Natalie McAvoy
I am one of the 299 000 people who read every post you put up on your blog and love it, but have never commented. I’ve never commented on any blog ever, but I want to add my voice to the support for you today.
I found your blog after following a Pinterest link, and it opened up a world of information that I never knew was available. I have been with my partner now husband for 16 years, and just assumed there was something wrong with me because sex just wasn’t ever what I’d been led to believe it would be. I was resigned to making do for the rest of my life. However, I have found your advice and openess, and also the experiences of the community of commenters you have brought together with your blog immeasurably helpful. You have revolutionised my feelings about my sexuality, and given me practical ways of making positive changes in my marriage, which have already borne much fruit. Thank you for that so, so much.
I deeply appreciate your willingness to make yourself vulnerable to help others. I can only imagine how hard that must be when that vulnerability is met with personal criticism rather than robust discussion of ideas. I have always been impressed by the gracious way you reply to people who disagree with you. I enjoy the range of things that you post, including the columns, and would quite frankly be bored and unchallenged if I agreed with everything you said.
Your blog post today reminded me of the work of vulnerability researcher Brene Brown, who in her beautiful book ‘Daring Greatly’ explores the ideas she found from her research among people who live wholehearted lives and in her own life, where she found that vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change (her two TED talks are summaries of these ideas, and on her blog she has posted a couple of very similar posts to yours today about the need for commenters to have care for the people who are putting themselves out there). Vulnerability is tough, and takes great courage, but it is your willingness to engage with vulnerability that means that you are really living life to the full and making a difference in the world.
Much love and gratitude to you. May you find renewal and refreshment through this process of appraising your options, and may you always be aware of the closeness of God as you navigate the tough parts.
PS Please come to New Zealand some time!
Sheila – I would say you are one of the LEAST judgmental bloggers I read (and I read a lot!). You state your opinion with grace can clarity and for that you should be commended, not condemned. May God bless you and your ministry a thousand fold for all you have done for marriages, one of God’s favorite inventions.
Sheila – You know I appreciate you and what you do a great deal. Praying for you too!
I’ve been doing this for over a decade, and doing on-line forums for 15 years, and there have always been people who are far uglier on-line than they would ever be in real life. It makes me think of studies done on how people act when they are wearing masks – some are meaner and more selfish and do things they would not normally do. The Internet seems to do the same thing, giving certain people an excuse to behave in a way they don’t dare act in real life. I could muse on why these folks are this way, but I’m pretty sure it’s who they really are, how they would act if society did not demand them to be nice.
Of course it’s still wrong, and it still hurts. but understanding it is their inner demons showing, and has little or nothing to do with you or what you have written does help some I think. That, and think on all the comments and emails you have received from those who say you have blessed them, helped the, made them feel better, shown them a better way, and in many other ways have made their lives better. Those, people, the one’s who benefit, are worth putting up with a lot of nasty people.
Your blogging/posts have been helpful for my/our marriage of 40+years. Thankful
Your blog is awesome! just wanted to write a short note and let you know that my wife and I are praying for you…. just one thought that I have is that when anyone is speaking the truth and trying to take back ground from the devil there is always conflict, but we must keep going and ask God to help us keep up the good fight…. like the song says Onward Christian Soldiers….. just remember God is on our and we are the winners…
We do love your blog and all you do to help others..
Jim & Janet
Hi Shelia! I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your blogs. 🙂 I am recently married (almost 4 months now!!!) but I have found your website/book very encouraging! I bought your book a few weeks after we got married and it has helped me so much. I loved the book so much that I subscribed to your daily blog. (The ONLY blog I subscribe to) 🙂 I wanted to tell you, how much I appreciate what you do. You have a lot of great ideas, insight and thoughts that I find so encouraging and enlightening. So thank you for ALLLLLL that you do, it is very much appreciated. THANK YOU!! Praying for you!!!
I know you said you are overwhelmed by all the posts, so should I even write another comment for you to read?… Well yes. Yes I should. I for one gasped when I saw your post and the thought that you might step away from blogging. Where would I get my therapy from now? – You are a true gift to us all and the fact is, if people do not like what you are saying it is most often because the truth hurts. Your purpose is clear to me in every post. To help us better our lives, relationships, and walk with Christ. Keep doing exactly what you have been. People come here for your opinion, and your blessed gift of telling it to us in a way we can relate and apply it to our lives.
It is common for people to put up their defenses and get “ugly” when someone is telling them an area they need to work on. If any one of the people who called you judgmental stepped back and look at the situation as a whole and was truly honest with themselves I think they would see you were right on the money. The truth hurts… avoiding it hurts worse! I say, thank you for your words and the dedication you have for bringing them to the world. – Imagine their disappointment if they were paying $75 an hour for a therapist telling them what they are too stubborn to see. Talk about being upset!
Have a good night, getting good rest knowing God has you right where you need to be!
I think the hard thing here is that it’s so easy to take the few bad and forget about the good. You refer to the spiritual intimacy post last week. I was there, I read every single comment, and I know that you may have deleted some comments that I didn’t see, what I did see was completely different than the perception that you shared. I didn’t think that people were saying anything rude toward you, and the few comments that disagreed with you brought an onslought of people taking up for you, so I think it’s just easy to latch on to the negative and forget the good.
Also, I think sometimes things come down to perception. I felt like your reply toward me was rather rude and unfeeling, although maybe you didn’t. At the same time, I felt like some people weren’t rude toward you that you apparently saw as rude and attacking toward you. I think perception is so important.
But yes, unfortunately, bloggers have to have really thick skin, and I think that those of us who don’t fit into the neat little boxes of one side or the other are more apt to be attacked because we get it from both sides.
I pray that you’ll be blessed by the huge amount of support and encouragement you’ve received here.
Sheila, I think your writing is so transparent and practical! The world neesd the mentoring and wisdom that comes from women like you. So thank you for what you do. And I hope you continue to do what you do so well…. Minister through your Blog!
Thank you for blogging and getting the conversation started on topic that needs attention. I appricate your thoughts and suggestions. You challenge me to be a better wife and a better friend. I pray that you will feel the love and appreiciate you readers have for you.
Thank you for the code of conduct. I think it is a good reminder we are all human.
I did not know you did not get paid for this. I think it is a huge gift you put yourself out there. Thank you again for you service. I will buy your book
Hamg in there .. I would be very sad you quit writing your blog….. It’s a good blog…
Shelia,
Thank you so much for all you’re doing. It takes tremendous courage to stand by ones convictions and I so appreciate all that you’ve written.
I started following your blog when you wrote about Erotica and that completely changed my perspective on sex within marriage. I really appreciate the angle you’ve approached so many difficult questions, ie- does this promote unity and oneness within marriage.
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex was a phenomenal read and I gave a copy to a friend for her bridal shower. Again, thank you for all that you wrote and continue to write!
You’re definitely in my prayers.
Keep on keepin’ on!
Hi Sheila,
I love your blog – there have been occasions when I haven’t fully agreed with you BUT… (yep! it’s a big but 🙂 ) that has never stopped me from appreciating you, the time, the thought and the effort you put into writing your blog. You have helped and encouraged so many people, myself included. Thank you 🙂
Unfortunately because you stand up for marriage and what is good, you will face a lot of finger pointing and false accusations. It is such a shame that you do, but we are dealing with fallen man.
When something strikes a chord with us, our initial response is often not to accept our accountability, instead we point fingers and accuse the one who has spoken the truth. Words are powerful things and when they are out there… they are out there, there is no taking them back. Quite often given a little time we do not feel the same about something as we did earlier, or we realise we were not in a good frame of mind when we originally heard/read it. Therefore We must exercise wisdom and think… pray, before we speak/write comments.
I pray my dear Sheila, you will be encouraged as it is written:
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:57-58
PS. Please feel free to edit my comment if you feel there is anything that may cause offence, as I have no desire to cause offence to others.
To encourage you: I have my browser set to automatically open a tab to your blog every time I open the browser – and I read it EVERY DAY. It’s blessed me, it’s challenged me, and at times (because of my own problems, sins, inadequacies, etc.) I’ve been frustrated or upset by something you said. But that wasn’t because of you; it was because of where I was in my journey, and God used you to get to me.
Jesus said that the world would hate us because it hates Him. In soooooo many ways I encourage you: Rejoice! You’re on the right track.
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
Sheila, I appreciate your blog, and _especially_ the fact that you are willing to speak the truth in love. I’m sorry so many have been negative and posted ugly comments, but please don’t ever back away from speaking the truth. It’s always worth fighting for.
Oh I love what you do so please don’t stop. You are talking about things we all want to hear but are afraid to ask and sometimes the answers hurt but not everyone is rady for the truth so they lash out. But those of us who are humble and want to invest in our marriages need what you have to offer. So please keep up the good work – you are truly blessed and thank you for sharing 🙂
I didn’t read every single comment, so maybe someone already suggested this, but could you find someone else to do the first pass at looking over comments and weeding out the ones that anyone could tell are too vile for publication?
Also, I actually appreciate bloggers who only post every couple of days, as opposed to every single day. That which is more rare is more valued.
And like everyone else, I applaud you for being transparent and honest.
I hope you find fresh joy in being a blogger who also writes the occasional book.
Wow – I think “judging” by the number of comments you’re getting, all is well in your blogging world. People feel things in response to what you write, how you write, and why you write. Well done. What they write back, and how they write and why they write is really up to them.
And I don’t think a code of conduct can be anything but an outgrowth of a personal credo. The digital world simply does not invite or nurture such a thing. Sorry.
But, either way, you HAVE found a wonderful way to connect with and bless (and maybe rile up) others. So, if that’s why you’re doing what you’re doing, call it a success and take a day off from blogging to celebrate!
Cheers! – Dayna Mazzuca
I’m so sorry Sheila that people can be so cruel. I really appericate your blogg and what you say! You put yourself out there for people and are so open about your life and how you feel.
My husband and I were at the Family Life conferece in the 2011. You changed my life and marriage! All I can say is THANK YOU!!! If it werent for you and your hsuband being so open and so caring I dont know where we would be today.
Your are such a Godly Women and so amazing! Please contuine and let God use you in His way. This is only a stumbling block and satans way of putting up walls so you can’t do Gods work. God will lead you, lean on Him and let Him take control of this!
Sheila, don’t let these people get to you. You’re doing a wonderful job, posting about the hard things that people need to think about, and I really love reading each and every one of your posts.
One thing my pastor talked about recently was facing mountains. He’s been preaching on Joshua, and we recently covered the chapter where Caleb is given his share of the land (Joshua 14). In that passage, Caleb basically says “I’m old, I’ve fought a LOT, and we’ve wandered around for 40 years. But give me that mountain so I can take out those giants in there, because that land is MINE and God is with me.”
Sheila, hang in there! Be like Caleb and keep on fighting! Jesus can and WILL be your strength, and your identity is in Him!
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen this many comments on a post! And long, thought out comments. i am a fellow blogger, writing about adoption, homeschooling, DIY and lots of other stuff. I have my comment moderation on because I have had vicious things said to me as an adoptive mom. I’ve tried to be transparent because it’s not all unicorns and rainbows, but there are those that use anything to attack. I’m glad to have found you and appreciate your heart. Plus, you homeschool! Double points! May God give you rest today.
The internet allows people to “sling mud” anonymously and they are never called to answer for being rude or disrespectful.
Shelia, we applaud your taking a stand, talking about the things others are unwilling to talk about and do it in a clear concise manner. Perhaps the criticism is evidence that you are speaking what others need to hear. If you’re not rocking the boat (so to speak), is what you have to say really making an impact?
Sad that society is where it is, BUT that is more evidence that people like you are needed.
We stand with you dear sister. I hope that you feel loved and hugged by all the responses that you have received.
Blessings,
G
I started to post a comment the day you posted this, but I talked myself out of it. I’ve finally talked myself into it because I want you to know what a blessing your blog has been. I’m a young virgin (and naive) and about to be married next year, so I’m probably not the typical reader; however, your blog has been such a blessing. I was raised in a Christian home and school where the only sex ed we got was the anatomy lesson our freshman year. I’m 20 and didn’t even know what an orgasm was. I’m sure that my future married self will thank you for teaching me that 🙂 Sex is the thing I was most worried about in my future marriage. I almost dreaded it because I’ve never learned about, it seemed dirty, and I had no idea what to expect. Now, (after buying your book and reading your blog) I am excited to have the precious opportunity to learn to make love with my (almost) husband all the years of our marriage! It makes me sad to think about all of the beauty I might have missed if I hadn’t been introduced to your blog, but it makes me happy to see all that I have learned about God’s design for sex. My spiritual walk and my future marriage owe you so much. Thank you for changing my (future) marriage and for bringing me closer to God. Keep doing what you’re doing!
Someone already said the first idea that popped in my head – that you should have someone else do the moderating & you should blog freely, without reading each negative comment. The moderator could inform you if there was majority of sentiment that you needed to know – otherwise have her pass along the good comments & resist the temptation to look at the bad. The other option I think would be to turn off the comments. But that cheats you out of valuable feedback & the way it sparks other posts, knowing your audience, etc.
One other thing – what does your husband say about this? God made him your protector & he probably hurts to see you hurt, doesn’t like to see you stressed, etc.
I really enjoy blog (read occasionally) & appreciate your willingness to speak out. I hope you fo not stop. One last thing…..you are a PUBLISHED AUTHOR, not just a weekend blogger. You deserve respect. :-). Keep encouraged!!
Sheila I just wanted to give you the advice my father gave me. “When you are doing right you can’t be doing wrong.” Follow what God is telling you to do. Some will be offended they always are but if you are doing what the Father is telling you to do the rest just doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t. Are we trying to please God or man. I choose God every time. Lean on God and on your Husband. You are a blessing I and my wife thank you for your sacrifice.
Sheila, you are awesome! I myself am in women’s ministry and have been for the last 6 years. What I found most shocking was the negativity of Christians. I have so many more positive comments than I do negative ones in what is done or not done in our women’s ministry but those negative ones drag me down. I can so understand how you have been feeling lately. I truly believe Satan works through negative Christians (I don’t believe they realize it). Satan knows how to frustrate and discourage us and he’s going to use that every single chance he gets. I think you tell it like it is and people don’t want to hear it because it doesn’t conform to this world. You are entitled to your opinion and how you feel lead by God – if people don’t like it they can stop reading your columns/blogs…nobody is forcing them to read it but they feel the need to force themselves on others. I generally do not read others comments (but made an exception today), I read your blog because I want to know what you have to say – I don’t care what other people have to say or if I did I would follow them in their blogs. I think people who want to be negative should get off their high horse and start their own blog and write their book. Anyways, I just wanted to encourage you…I truly believe that God is using you and will continue to use you for his glory, especially in Christian families. I personally promote you to all my friends and have your latest book and have bought 3 more as bridal shower gifts (and they all said they loved the book). I will continue to support you and I hope that you will be able to come to our church soon to speak because I think you are exactly what women today need. I’ll be praying for you that you will feel God’s leading and peace! And remember it’s impossible to please everyone 🙂
I haven’t read any of the comments. But I just want to say – keep on writing and I am sorry I do not comment on your blog regularly even when I am agreeing and nodding my head vigorously in agreement with you! There will always be mean people. Ignore them!
Hi!
I’m behind in my blog reading, so I’m just now seeing this post on Saturday 10.27. I’ve been following your blog for a couple of years now and also have purchased a few of your books. I read your last book (Good Girls Guide) in just one weekend as I’m preparing to get married later this year!
I truly appreciate the sacrifices you continue to make in your ministry to others and I pray that the Lord strengthens you to continue. I am genuinely praying for you and other who are on the “front lines” and receive the brunt of the attacks from the enemy.
May God bless you most abundantly for your giving and serving!
So I’m a bit late on responding, but here are my thoughts. You’re awesome! I love discovering some of my opinions as I read yours. Your opinions are useful, constructive, and encourages one to go to Christ and his word for answers. I used to have a Facebook page. Used to. I like to say I’m a new Christian because in the past 4 years Christ has taught me about grace, about what He died for, and how He is the only way into the kingdom. On my Facebook page I would post Bible verses about grace, about how He is the only way. Of course I would also post opinions about the religion I studied out of in discovering real Christianity. I want others to study His word, to look to Him for answers. Many friends and family started to become angry with me. They would post “fighting” words on my page. My dad even told me I had the “darkness”. Like I’m Darth Vader or something. Anyhoo, I finally came to realize, after I cancelled my page, that my page was like a book, or magazine, or…..a blog. I was not forcing anyone to read my page. I was not e-mailing my opinion out to non-subscribers or random people. We had a “friendship” and they were more than welcome to un-subscribe. My point is this. If someone doesn’t like it, they shouldn’t read it. No one is requiring them to read your blog. Most people, including myself, read your blog because they like it and they find encouragement and help for their marriage. If someone is offended by your blog, or it drives them crazy, shouldn’t they read something else and concentrate their energy in other places besides making negative and ignorant remarks on your blog?
I just found this blog last week, so pertinent to my life right now. I have been married for only 8 months during which I spent every day taking care of my mother who was dying of cancer. She past away 6 weeks ago. I too am struggling with past sexual abuse and our sex life is non existent. Not at all how I pictured my first year of marriage going. Please don’t stop blogging! I am so excited that we ordered your book this week and my husband and I are going to start your 29 days online. I think you have a wonderful ministry here and God is really using you every day 🙂
Christina
Christina, so so glad you found me! And I’m very sorry about your mother. My mother is a rock in my life; I can’t imagine my life without her, or my girls’ lives without their Nana. I’m so sorry for your grief.
So give yourself some grace and some time to heal. And know that I DIDN’T have that grief in my first year of marriage, nor was I rocked from past sexual abuse, but my sex life was still terrible.
But it got better! That’s great that you’re going to work through the 29 Days. And next week I hope to launch the 31 Days to Great Sex as an ebook, directed at couples (and not just women). You can sign up to be notified here.
Sheila,
Thank you for the response. So glad to hear that it gets better. Some days it seems like neither of us can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have an amazing husband who agreed to take a “vacation” from sex to work out the abuse issues. We have identified triggers, read books and are relearning touch. Very hard. I have started your book “I don’t have a headache.” Love it! Been reading it aloud to my husband. The other book has not yet arrived. I am excited to read them all and I am excited to have found your blog. I’m certain it was no accident that I found it 🙂 God is listening to our prayers for help. Can’t wait for the ebook! Will you be releasing it as a paper book one day?
I just want to say a big Thankyou for the positive input you’ve had in my life over the past year. I live in england and have really struggled to find Christian bloggers so open and honest about Christian marriage and especially sexual issues.
Me and my hubby have been through a bleak time this last 6+ years, but with your amazing input-along with other Christian bloggers (and after buying your Good girls guide to great sex book) I/we finally feel that we are seeing some light, and feel so much better than a year ago. So God bless you for that.
Whatever you decide, I’m sure God will guide and bless you.
Thankyou so much once again. I don’t where I’d be without you.
I know I’m a couple of weeks behind, but keep on blogging! I love reading it! It’s an inspiration, an encourgement, and a challenge to my thinking. I’m really looking forward to starting the 29 Days to Great Sex challenges and I’m also looking forward to getting your book. Thank you!
Sheila,
You are so needed! I’m not a devout follower, I’ll admit, but I’ve picked up treasures from you. And unfortunately, I have been where you are!
I went to a liberal arts college. That’s a harsh environment for a Christian. I had to listen to people attempt to destroy my faith. I had professors and peers who thought you had to be thoroughly uneducated to believe in Christ. Any time I mentioned something to do with God, I was quickly lashed at for being oppressive and judgmental, when I had made no judgement. I remember people being surprised that I was smart because I believed in Christ. I realized that the people who cry out against intolerance, have often become the most intolerant of all. Most of the harsh words never had to do with me, but with a scar that person had from another Christian. I hate that our faith is often misrepresented by people who don’t understand Christ’s love. It’s something I battle every day. I’m still attending that school as a graduate student. I’m more outspoken now, and it’s hard at times. But I know that my words are reaching someone. I won’t back down from sharing God’s love and wisdom. I trust that you won’t either, because you are way better at it than me! Be bold, show love, and continue helping us stragglers!!