It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you link up your own marriage post in the Linky below.
Today we have a guest post from The Peaceful Wife.
Last summer we were leaving that morning for the beach to have a few days of vacation – my husband, our two children and myself. That morning our mini-van battery died. My husband – being the handy guy he is – jumped the van off, and got it going. I thanked him enthusiastically and suggested, respectfully and with a smile, “We have time to go by the Advanced Auto Parts Store if you want to, Honey.” He said, “No, I think we’ll be fine”- he thought the battery just got run down from having the car doors open for a long time while we were packing the car, possibly, and didn’t want to waste time fooling with the battery unnecessarily.
(A few years ago, I would have INSISTED that we go get a new battery. I would have DEMANDED that we replace the battery – NOW. And I would have worried constantly if he didn’t replace it.)
Well, I decided to respect my husband’s decision as the leader of the family and said politely, “Ok, whatever you think!” And I read my book and seriously didn’t worry about it. (This is the kind of peace God has given me daily for over two years now. By the time this incident happened, trusting God and my husband and respecting them was a normal, every day thing. It was not a struggle at all by this time. My mind and spirit had been renewed already.)
THE PLOT THICKENS
We arrived at the condo at the beach and my husband parked head-first in a spot in the parking garage. When he tried to crank up the van later – the battery was dead. A few years ago I am sure I would have berated him with an “I told you to replace that battery!” lecture and a lot of attitude. But I had learned to respect my husband, so I didn’t say anything nasty. I didn’t even think anything nasty or hateful. I was totally calm and at peace. There were cars on both sides of us without owners. And there was a big island in front of our car that was probably 8 ft wide. I smiled at my husband in a pleasant way with an “I know you’ve got this covered” look and kept the kids quiet while he decided what to do. And I think I read my book some more.
AN ANGEL APPEARED!
Within a few minutes, a man came over and asked my husband if we needed a jump. He had bought extra long 12 ft jumper cables a few weeks earlier and his wife had ridiculed him for bringing them on their trip. But he insisted on bringing them “just in case.” (I’m SO glad he didn’t listen to his wife!) He was our personal angel sent from God at exactly the right moment! WOW! He wasn’t wearing a shining white robe, but I think I may have seen a bit of a halo at one point! 🙂
He jumped our van and my husband thanked him and went right to Wal-Mart and got a battery and replaced the old battery. I was peaceful, respectful, calm and not worried the whole time. I was not angry. I was not resentful. I knew that God and my husband had things under control and there was no reason to get upset or worry. It was not a big deal. No one was in danger at any point. My husband is a super capable, intelligent, responsible man and I believed he had things under control. And he did! I read my book. I enjoyed listening to the children play. I kept them from bothering their Daddy while he worked. I gave them some Oreos. And before long, the battery was replaced, my husband was my hero, I thanked him for taking care of the problem and we had a wonderful evening at the beach!
Do you see how much power I had here?
I could have disrespected my husband. I could have tried to take over. I could have arrogantly told him what to do. I could have barked out orders at him. I could have fumed or pouted. I could have gotten really angry at him and created a LOT of tension between us and ruined our trip. I might have done at least some of those things in the past when I felt like everything depended solely on me.
But when God’s Spirit is in control of my heart, God can use things for my good and to show me His provision and even miracles. I would have missed out seeing God send us an angel if I would have insisted on my way – AND I would have missed out on intimacy with my husband. AND I would have set a horrible example for our children about marriage AND I could have spoiled our vacation – as much of it as I wanted to. That is how much power I have with my choices and attitudes.
WOW!
God has ways of bringing people and circumstances into our lives that we can’t predict when we are obeying Him and living by faith. Little or big miracles are waiting for those who trust Him.
What a blessing to see God provide in ways I couldn’t have imagined. And what an incredible gift to have God’s peace and to maintain intimacy, respect and connection with my husband throughout that situation that would have created a big conflict years ago. I learned quite a valuable lesson that day about the rewards of trusting God and respecting my husband.
I wonder what miracles I used to miss?
Lord,
Thank You that You take care of us when we obey You. Thank You that even if our husbands make mistakes, You can use them as a showcase of Your power, sovereignty and glory! Thank You for Your wise words to husbands and wives. Thank You for Your beautiful design for marriage. Use each of us to bring great honor and glory to Your Name in our lives and our marriages!
Amen.
This post was written by Peacefulwife, who writes about her journey from being a controlling/disrespectful/dominating wife with a passive husband into becoming a respectful wife who empowers her husband’s leadership and has a gentle and peaceful spirit that does not give way to fear.
Now, what marriage thoughts do you have to share with us today? Just link up a post by pasting the URL into the Linky below. And be sure to link back here, too, so that others can read these great marriage posts!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Ohhh, this one was convicting! I wonder how many miracles I miss out on by not keeping my mouth shut. I’ve been reading about this in another book too, so obviously God wants to get my attention on the subject. Thanks so much for sharing your story!
Wow, did I need this one today! My poor husband. For 17 years I have missed out on miracles, and had to have it MY WAY and berated him constantly. THis post is so convicting! I have just started (around a month) of living the way that God has intended me to be as my husband’s help meet. This is an area that I deal with on a daily basis. There are some days when my tongue actually might need stitches from all of the biting that I do!
Yep, this one was convicting for me, too! Especially because I can SO relate to this very post–we’ve had car troubles on a couple trips (that resulted in the cars eventually just being junked…long story) and I did NOT handle it well the first time especially. The second time I had, thank God, learned my lesson and was much calmer.
I have this bad habit of always thinking I know best and my husband doesn’t. What I forget is that a lot of the time–even MOST of the time–my husband actually has a better idea or plan than I do! Go figure. 😉
Yes, this is something I’m constantly working on!
I love this…thanks for writing the details of exactly what respect looks like – the smile, the confident attitude in his abilities, the taking care of the kids to remove that stress for him. All that helped me look back at situations in my marriage and think about specific ways I could have acted differently.
Elizabeth,
you’re very welcome! I didn’t have examples when I started trying to understand the masculine world of respect that I had been blind to all my life. I think those little details are extremely helpful. I desperately needed someone who could break it down for me a few years ago. It was like learning a new language without a teacher or a book at first!
This is perfect! We just celebrated two years of marriage, and are realizing that some of the decisions he made in the beginning of our marriage weren’t as awesome as he thought they were. They are small things, like master bedroom furniture placement and cable v. satellite service in our home. I trusted him with those decisions early on, maintaining a peace and supporting him 100%. Now that those realizations have come to pass, I have continued to support him and never EVER say, “I told you so.” This respect goes a lot further than berating, and I’m thankful to be practicing it this early on in our marriage.
My beloved hubby accidentally double gasketed the oil filter in his diesel truck. It cost us over $8,000 in repairs….$8,000 we did not have. It took a lot of faith and humbling and the unwanted selling of some of our possessions to fix it, but when it came time for him to change the oil and replace the filter, I said nothing. Not even a simple reminder to make sure the old gasket was out. He may not have noticed my respectful silence, but he would have noticed my lack of trust in him.
From the other gender,
To all the men out there who have a wife who does occasionally correct you, or askks why you are going to the restaurant that way instead of this way, etc…, resist the urge to forward this to her.
I know you want to. So do I (mine, not yours). I do have to remember one of the reasons I married my wife; she has a good head on her shoulders, she’s a clear thinker, and a problem solver. And despite the occasional, “…are you sure you want to do…,” I appreciate her input and suggestions.
Bryan
Why would an occasional “are you sure you want to do” be a problem? One of the things I value most in my marriage is my husband’s comments like that, and I tell him such things as well. Together we make better decisions than we ever could alone.
Hannah,
Excellent point! Marriage is better because we have masculine and feminine perspectives, priorities and ideas.
Sometimes just slightly rewording our questions makes a big difference in communicating respect to our husbands. Some phrases come across disrespectfully, like we are questioning our husband’s intelligence or abilities.
Some ways of asking things that could come across disrespectfully would be “why would you?” “why did you?” and even the “are you sure” could sound disrespectful to some guys.
In my experience, saying what I think in a way that doesn’t blame him or make him wrong or question him is much easier for a husband to hear.
Women don’t hear the disrespect that men do, and that was a big part of the problem earlier in our marriage. I had NO idea I was being disrespectful. It was unintentional, but my controlling ways and disrespect hurt our intimacy – a LOT. And I often felt lonely, overwhelmed, anxious and afraid. I thought if he would just be more loving, everything would be fine, and I didn’t see that I was sabotaging the very thing I wanted most. If your man suddenly shuts down or gets angry, try asking, “did I come across disrespectfully just now?”. If it feels disrespectful to him, then that is important. Just like if something feels unloving to us, that is important to us.
The occasional “are you sure you want to…?” isn’t a problem…if you’re only looking at it through a woman’s eyes. I honestly ask that quite innocently but my good-willed husband sometimes misinterprets it as if I’m asking because I think he’s incompetent. He values my opinion and knows I am stronger in some areas than him (and vice versa) but for some reason, it just naturally hits him that way. If I think that question really needs to be asked, I just have to make sure I’m affirming him at the same time and acknowledging that he might feel disrespected. And use it sparingly.
Maybe the gentlemen could chime in on how a wife might ask a question respectfully.
I would suggest something like:
“I wonder if we could try…?”
“What would you think about…?”
“I am confused about…”
But the men may have some even more respectful suggestions for us. Just a few changes in our semantics (practically unnoticable to us) can make a big difference in our respect points with our husbands!
I know I have a hard time figuring out how to word things so hubby thinks the question is more respectful, and he can’t always tell me either. If any of you have suggestions I agree they’d be welcome!
I needed this today. Thank you.
Wow thank you for sharing this!
While respect is always important in marriage interactions, it is also incredibly important that the wife speak up if she sees something that has the potential to go wrong. In the case of The Peaceful Wife, it meant saying “We have time to go to the auto parts store.” In other cases, it will mean other things. But having that second set of adult eyes on a situation, whether the second set is the husband’s or the wife’s, is vital to the thriving of a couple and their children. Nitpicking is one thing, and should be stopped – but mentioning concern is necessary.
Also, this respect needs to go both ways. A husband who constantly nitpicks his wife has no defense, any more than a wife who constantly nitpicks her husband.
Wow, This is right in line with what I’ve been working on (or trying to work on) this past week. I feel like most of the time my husband and I are head to head on “who is right” and constantly bickering about little things and picking at each other. I feel like me picking at him is making him insecure and feel like he has to defend himself or point out my mistakes so he feels better. I have wanted to start providing a more safe and secure environment for him to just be himself and make decisions. This post was really encouraging and helped strengthen my resolve to keep my mouth shut! I don’t have to be in control of every situation! I want my husband to feel like I have faith in him to take care of things and of me.
Heh… the difference between men and women illustrated:
Women read this post and think “Hey, I wonder if I’ve been doing that… I ought to trust my husband.”
Men read this post and think “Hmm… heat kills batteries, but you often don’t notice until later. It’s been a hot summer, and if my battery is more than 3-4 years old, I ought to just replace it now on principle.”
Seriously, though, good thoughts. While I value my wife’s input and I want to know what she thinks, if everything I’m doing is getting second guessed and critiqued it starts getting really difficult to love her as I ought. Oh, and those little portable battery jumpstart packs are useful if you make a long trip in an older vehicle (wait, there I go again thinking like a guy…).
Phil,
Not to worry! My husband got one of those jump start things soon after this incident.
I used to be VERY controlling, demanding and disrespectful. I didn’t see it at all. I thought I HAD to make sure everything worked out right or everything would be a disaster. I thought I was sovereign, not God. It really had nothing to do with how capable my husband was and everything to do with my fear and my lack of faith in God. Thankfully, God changed me A LOT by His power!
I’m glad that guys think like guys. We need that! God was so wise to give a masculine and feminine perspective in marriage.
Phil, that is so funny! My brothers and Dad usually have one of those portable battery chargers handy, too.
I try to only occasionally remind my husband of things, because he has a tendency to be absent minded. (he will readily admit to this!) Most of the time he either doesn’t mind or is happy I reminded him. 🙂 Either way, I let him take care of it in his own good time!
This was incredibly powerful … and convicting. Thanks for sharing a real live example of what it looks like to respect and honor your husband. I think I put it “respect and honor” in a box and leave it for the “big things.” This is duly noted, and I believe God will use your example in many lives in the coming weeks and months … including my own. Great post!
I am so convicted right now. I guess it’s time to hand over some reigns, now.
I know this is one area I need much help … I can for the most part hold my tongue and let him lead, but there are times when “it” rises up and I let loose on him … I try to NOT do it in front of the children … that’s not helpful for them to see me do that to their daddy …
I’ve been trying hard to be respectful to my husband, especially lately. So this is a great reminder!
What a great testimony! Thanks for sharing this real-life example of how respecting your husband works! I blog about partner dancing as a “living picture” of marriage. As a dancer myself, I’ve seen wives disrespect their husbands in dance classes together (correcting their mistakes, criticizing them, etc.). It’s heartbreaking to see, because dance should be FUN. Your story reminds me of several posts on my blog: In this one, http://wp.me/ppXmN-33, I challenge wives to allow their husbands to lead. And here, http://wp.me/ppXmN-2c, I talk about conflict management lessons learned on the dance floor … which is essentially about quick forgiveness so you can keep on dancing!
Owwwwwwwch…this is something I’m still working on after five years of marriage. I can be the worst nag! I’m learning what I can let go, and how to speak up respectfully when I feel I really need to. And y’know what, sometimes I step back and let things go wrong, because I know my husband is the type of person who learns best from experience. When he learns that way, it never happens again. Whereas if I nag him to do it differently, we’ll fight about it every single time. So letting something (minor things, of course) go wrong ends up taking less time and energy than us getting into a fight about it because I can’t let it go.
Melissa,
I am SO glad you brought this up! You are EXACTLY right! Sometimes our men will fail as leaders. And that has to be ok. The way we respond will either cripple them and make things exponentially worse, or we can empower them to become stronger and more and more the mature, godly men that God desires them to be.
I’m really proud of you for not trying to rescue your husband and for allowing him to fail, learn and grow. That is a huge part of leadership, learning from one’s own mistakes.
AND we can respectfully share our views. We don’t have to be totally silent – that doesn’t honor God or our husbands, in my view any more than being disrespectful does. But once we speak our hearts and minds – we don’t try to force our own way.
I was going to put a simple WOW I really needed to hear this today. I felt totally convicted, but as I was reading through all of the other comments I was in awe of all the other wives in the same boat. My husband has a word for husbands who are ruled and dominated by their wives. He calls them “herbs.” We encounter them everyday. I see them at the park while wives are yelling at them for pushing a child to high on the swing. My husband is a contractor and he encounters them on bids at job sites. I LOVE LOVE that so many women are seeing the devastating effect this domineering attitude has on not only the family but the friends and onlookers in the crowd as well. I personally know that I need to read more articles like this on a regular basis. THANK YOU Peaceful wife!!! You have gained another reader!!! : )
Oh puke! I am so sick of this submit to your husband BS I could literally vomit… seriously, maybe your husband could learn a lesson in the validity of his wife’s suggestions.
Does that mean a husband should be able to ignore the biblical command to love his wife if he tired of hearing it? (or to nourish and cherish her?) A man is much more likely to learn about the validity of his wife’s suggestions when she is pleasant and patient rather than when she is an irritating nag.
Nicole,
I hear your frustration. It’s easy to just want the other person to change. That’s what I did for 15 years and it did not work for me. I prayed and prayed that God would change my husband and make him love me more and make him do a lot of things better. But as long as I pointed my finger at my husband and demanded that he change – things just got worse. He was unplugged and passive. He didn’t care much about my happiness back then. And it wasn’t until I humbled myself and began to look at my own sin, pride, unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment, and controlling personality that miracles began to happen in our marriage.
Now, my husband feels respected and I also get to feel loved, cherished, adored and have the intimacy I always wanted. And now I have peace every day instead of being angry, worried, afraid and thinking that I had to control everything. That was too much pressure for me to handle. Now I trust God to lead me through my husband. And I have the marriage of my dreams.
I pray that God might richly bless your marriage and help you find the joy, peace, hope and intimacy He can bring to your marriage when you discover the blessing of His design. it’s not popular. It’s very counter-cultural and counter-intuitive. It’s not politically correct. But it sure works!
All the best to you!
It is really hard to want to submit to your husband when you don’t feel loved, valued or respected. Why is the burden of change, of respect only on the wife? Shouldn’t both spouses make an effort to change, not JUST the wife? Ok, for example… 2 weeks ago Thursday we went for my first OB appointment. He lied to his boss and told him I was having problems with the pregnancy so he could take a whole day off of work BECAUSE his ultimate plan was to leave afterward to go fishing. Well, at my appt we learned the baby had no heartbeat. I had a missed miscarriage. Do you know what he did? He left me, at the appointment while I scheduled a D&C, and had pre-op bloodwork because he didn’t want to be late meeting his buddies to go on a fishing trip. I didn’t nag him about it. I didn’t say anything about it, but do you know how bad it felt that his priority was FISHING instead of being with me? I mean, why? Why wouldn’t he think I don’t want to go fishing, I want to be with my wife because we just lost a baby. Talk about not feeling loved, respected or valued…
Nicole, I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine.
It seems to me like you and your husband have issues which go far beyond the situations this blog post addresses. Praying for you.
Nicole,
WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In my post, I am only addressing wives. But obviously, the ideal is that BOTH spouses would be showing love and respect to each other. Absolutely. Husbands should love their wives. The burden is on whoever wants to change the relationship and make it better. Women are the ones who usually think most about relationships. And honestly – we are often able to change and adapt emotionally a lot faster and make progress more quickly than our husbands. Just one spouse working with God’s Spirit allows God’s power to flow into the marriage and can bring healing.
Your situation is heartbreaking. I am SOOOOO terribly sorry for the loss of your baby. I grieve with you for your sweet baby. And I am SOOOO sorry that your husband didn’t stay with you. I would think it would have been an extremely obvious situation that you needed him with you. I would hope that every husband would realize what a difficult time that would be for his wife. I do think that you had every reason and right to say, “Please don’t go! Please don’t leave me. I need you!” Maybe he thought you were ok? I’m not sure. But what an incredibly painful, difficult time you must be having.
I can definitely understand that you are feeling unloved and upset. And I can see where the anger comes from. It is understandable and justifiable.
The scary thing is – that anger will also destroy you and your marriage if you hold onto it very long.
I wonder if you have been able to say gently something like (maybe even in a whisper as you sit in his arms) – “I am so hurt that you left me at the OB’s office. I feel unloved that you weren’t with me during the D and C. I should have asked you to stay, but I thought you would know how much I needed you. I am sorry I didn’t ask for what I needed. I’m not ok right now. I really need your love and support. This is a VERY hard time for me. Would you please hold me and listen to me for 15 minutes?”
Maybe an opportunity like that will give him a bit of a chance to redeem himself. I can’t promise that he will give you all the emotional support and love you need and want right now – but you do have the right to ask for what you need. You can’t make him do it. But you can ask. Your feelings and needs ARE important. And the loss of this baby is a HUGE loss. You are going to have a lot of emotions and grief to work through and he may need some gentle suggestions about what you need most. And you may also need the support of other family and girl friends and people at church. This is a lot to process and work through. A support group for pregnancy loss is sometimes available at hospitals through the labor and delivery department and that can be very healing to walk together with other women who are on the same journey.
I will continue to pray for you! Please email me if you need anything! [email protected]
Thank you so much April… I think I am going to email you right now.
Aww, Nicole how sad! I can’t imagine something like that happening and not having someone care enough to stay. I hope you had a friend or family member who showed some you some love and sympathy. My Dad was a lot like this and it has been a tough haul for my Mom. I have seen the pain a husband who can’t seem to think past himself can cause firsthand.
Submission is an attitude of respect, but it doesn’t mean you can’t ever communicate how you feel with your husband or that you have needs. 🙁 Some men need to learn how to care for their wives, because they have never seen it done correctly or are clueless about women. Submission will look a little different in each marriage- it won’t look the same in yours as it does in mine or someone else’s. Do what is right and there is a reward from the Lord. Your husband will also be accountable to God someday for his actions. Praying for you!!!
Nicole, I think Brooke’s advice here (and that of Peaceful Wife and others) is spot on. We all completely understand how hurt you are, and our hearts just go out to you with losing your baby and feeling utterly alone. I know what it is to lose a baby, and it is a very unique and deep hurt.
I hope and pray that your husband one day learns how to support you properly. And in the meantime, I pray that God will give you the grace to also give grace to your husband–even in the hardest times. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t communicate your hurt.
I’d also really recommend finding a mentor couple to talk to. I think so many marriages would benefit from having an older couple come alongside you. If there’s any way you could find a couple at your church, that may really help your husband learn to love you.
One other thing–your husband hurt you in a very big way. This has the potential to really be a root of bitterness in your marriage–one that I think we all would understand. But just because we all understand, that doesn’t mean that the bitterness won’t cut an even deeper hole. I know it’s hard, and I know the hurt is immense. But I just pray that you’ll be able to turn that hurt over to Jesus, because He really does want to take it from you.
Many, many hugs,
Sheila.
Nicole,
My heart aches for you. I understand the pain of loss all to well. I had early miscarriages and my husband did not understand why I was so upset. He knew that we had lost a child, but he told me that he wasn’t upset because he didn’t feel any connection to that child. Everyone grieves differently. I am sorry your husband didn’t understand your need for him and I pray that you will be able to forgive him for his choices.
Respect needs to be a two way street. We can only control our own attitudes and recognize where our pride or hurt are damaging our relationship. And I believe it is our responsibility to do what we can. But Nicole, be gentle with yourself and remember to give yourself a bit of grace too. You are only two weeks out from a life altering experience and between grief over the death of your baby and hormones still getting back to normal, it may take time to talk respectfully with your husband about how he handled the situation.
If you need support, Hannah’s Prayer is an online support group for women who have experienced infertility and loss. HP helped me through some of the darkest days of grief over my miscarriages and trying again.
I don’t “nag” but I am very adamant when I feel that my way is right. What I’ve been trying to remember and work on letting him lead, and following that lead no matter what I think. I always get the opportunity to tell my side, he is wonderful about asking for my input, so I have to really learn to shut my mouth and wait for the time that he asks for it. Nine times out of 10, he does it my way, or says “your way would have worked better.”
I struggled with this a lot less pre-pregnancy. Hoping that I’ll be less “my way or the highway” post-pregnancy. One more for the prayer list.
Thank you for this post! I SO need to hear this, over and over. I’m a bit of a control freak (we won’t say total control freak, but lets just say there are those who would). My love is by nature not a dominant man. So an awful lot of time I am just steamrolling over him, without meaning any disrespect. But he sure feels disrespected by me alot.
I believe I am getting better in this area – he says that I am, and he would be the one to know. And we’ve got a few secret words to tell each other when we’re stepping on toes or feelings, and that helps. But he shouldn’t have to tell me to be more respectful. I should just be.
awesome post…praying for wisdom in this area and also for God to hold my tongue!
I overheard a friend telling her kids years ago that relationship is more important than being right. It took me years to understand that that same adage applies to my relationship with my husband. I don’t always have to be right. We’re on the same team, and I am content to let the Lord fight my battles for me.
Great post!
Just wow! What an awesome lesson! I so need to learn to walk in such grace.
Wow, lots of comments! Has your readership increased in the week and a half I’ve been w/o internet, or was this a hot topic? 🙂
I certainly have not mastered this area of our relationship, but I am able to look back at a time when I struggled with this more than I do now. I was telling a young engaged woman the other day that it gets easier – at first, it feels impossible to trust him, respect him, bite your tongue, let him make the decisions even if you feel like it might be the wrong one, etc. But now that I’m just a few years into this journey, it is MUCH easier, and our lives have been richly blessed because we have worked hard, with God’s infinite grace and mercy, at making our marriage a more Biblical one. It’s hard at first, ladies, but it gets easier, and it’s WORTH IT!
Thank you for this great story!
Submission and keeping quiet when dealing with our husbands, (especially when we’re convinced we are right and they’re wrong), I believe are part of a process that most of us need to go through. We’re not born with this ability and if we grew up around strong-willed women who saw submission as a 4-letter word it will definitely take time to develp. But the good news is that it’s possible through Christ.
Kudos to you for staying quiet and letting hubby take the front seat, (both figuratively and literally) 🙂
You won, he won, and ultimately God won! If we can recognize this instead of wanting to be the champion in every marital issue, we can build that intimacy and continue to win our husband’s love as we give him respect.
Very convicting because I (and many other women I know and love) would have done the complete opposite of what you did. I would’ve insisted we get the battery and my husband would still not do it so I would be sitting there probably praying out loud in a snooty way, “Dear God, please don’t let us get stranded because of bad decision.” THEN, when the battery dies- WOOHOO victory for me! That would open another I told you so speech which will include all the other things he didn’t listen to me about in the past that I was right about.
In the past 2 weeks, I have been trying (with God’s help through the Holy Spirit’s conviction and thankfully, the “Peaceful Wife”) to do it God’s way this time around. It is NOT NOT easy. When I slip back into my old disrespectful habit, I just pick myself back up, apologize to my husband and continue to pray for the Lord’s grace, mercy, healing and help.
Sheila, I have loved your blog for a long time! I resently started my own and have already reposted one of yours. I got a Reader’s Appreciation Award and would like to pass mine on to you- you can find the link below. Thanks for all your widsom and humor!
http://auntieemsguide.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/im-having-fun-and-an-award/
This is an area that I am currently working on. I lived on my own for about 10 years before I got married, and I got used to taking care of things on my own. I often second guess and “suggest” how things should be done, and I am trying to do better with this! Thank you for your wise words. I just found your site, and I love it!
It can be stressful living with a man when you have lived as a single before marriage. They can complicate life in unnecessary ways and this is really upsetting and can make wives feel stress.
Stress then manifests as conflict and men do struggle with women who correct them, but I like Peacewife’s approach.
When a woman corrects a man it often makes him mad for some reason. So if wives can veil their impulse to correct, and give subtlety to their logical and rational response to these situations, it certainly helps to promote a healthy marriage, but it does not come naturally!
Also, women need respect too. I think if men respected their wives more and were more conscious of their needs, a lot of correction would be needed or called for.
Great reminder!
Thank you for this!! What a needed post–especially in the season of life I’m in right now! Thanks for this reminder! 🙂