Are you walking through a tough marriage right now?
I’ve gotten behind in answering the many emails that readers send me. And as I was praying this morning and doing my devotions, my heart was really heavy for those of you walking through tough marriages–dark situations which make me weep. So many of you have problems that really are huge, and feel overwhelming. And so I want to share something that I read this morning with you.
From Psalm 146:
Do not put your trust in princes,
in human beings, who cannot save.
4 When their spirit departs, they return to the ground;
on that very day their plans come to nothing.
5 Blessed are those whose help is the God of Jacob,
whose hope is in the Lord their God.6 He is the Maker of heaven and earth,
the sea, and everything in them—
he remains faithful forever.
7 He upholds the cause of the oppressed
and gives food to the hungry.
The Lord sets prisoners free,
8 the Lord gives sight to the blind,
the Lord lifts up those who are bowed down,
the Lord loves the righteous.
I just want to say to you all today that we don’t need to put our trust in princes. We don’t need to rely on PEOPLE to fix the situation, because often people can’t. But God can. God can change hearts. He can change minds. He can soften hearts towards each other.
And I also want to say that God does set prisoners free. He sets people free who are enslaved to porn, or erotica, or fantasy, or alcohol, or gambling. He sets people free who are enslaved to wrong self-concepts stemming from a bad childhood. He sets people free who are in impossible circumstances.
And He is always especially close to those who are bowed down.
If you’re bowed down in your marriage today, God sees. He doesn’t turn His face away. And you don’t need to put your trust in princes to save it; God can turn things around, but perhaps most importantly, He can set you free and He can give you joy again, no matter what happens with your earthly circumstances.
There is little in this world that is as painful as being in a loveless marriage–feeling as if a spouse doesn’t love you or has rejected you or doesn’t value you. I know many of you are walking through that. And I just wanted to reassure you today that God sees it, and He does care.
Here are some more posts that can help you navigate a really tough marriage:
Help for Those in Hurting Marriages
Changing the Dynamic in Your Marriage
Are You a Spouse or an Enabler?
Living in a Loveless Marriage
Is This the Last Straw in My Marriage?
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
What an encouraging message and good reminder to stay bowed down before Him. Thanks, God bless you!
Exactly what I need to hear rough wk in our marriage Satan has really been attacking us I need to get bk to trusting god for my marriage and to heal my husband he had a horrible childhood and I need to rely on god for my needs not my husband thank u for this
Love this! This is my new passage to memorize. Actually the whole chapter is. It’s an amazing passage. The Lord put it on my heart recently because I think that someday if I ever get lost or things get out of control this is the message that He wants me to hear to remind me of who He is to me! Thank you Sheila. I love reading your blog everyday! Keep up the amazing work.
Thank you do much for this. I have sent the link to my sister who seems to be in a humanly impossible situation. But we know what God can do. 🙂
God sees.
I am in the midst of learning this all over again. In some ways, the troubles are marriage related, but the troubles are more related to my apparent lack of fertility in a world filled with women popping out babies left and right.
He remains faithful even when I don’t.
I wrote this a few weeks ago and I have gone back to it several times over the past couple of weeks.
“The simple answer is that my plan wasn’t God’s. The complicated answer is that my plan isn’t God’s.
It is God who brought me here, to refine me, to shape me for His glory. This is His plan. I may plan what I want and when I want it, but it is God who sees. It is God who knows what is best for me and for my family. God is the one who orders, arranges, plots out my every step. God is the one who provides those encounters that reveal His sovereignty and causes all the earth to praise His name.”
And even this week, I was reminded (in the midst of wallowing in self-pity) that God’s plan is so much better than my own.
Thank you for yet another reminder and the reminder that battles can be won on my knees more easily than wading into the middle of the fight.
Amen and amen! God set my husband free from a decades-long porn addiction overnight, and restored and rebuilt our marriage; He made it better than ever.
Thank you for this. I’ve been trying to research my way out of a problem and lately I’ve felt like God was telling me to cling to Him first and then to my husband. Reading books and articles have their place, but as you said, God is the one who changes hearts.
Hebrews 12:1-3 has really been on my heart. Instead of focusing on what’s wrong and therefore making the problem bigger, I need to focus on Jesus, making Him bigger and the problem smaller. Sounds simple, but extremely difficult in practice. Here’s the Scripture: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
Wow! Amazingly powerful words that are needed by so many. God does redeem and restore lives. Praise His name!
I really appreciate this today. My husband told me this week he doesn’t love me and he moved out. We have been together for over 20 years. I am beside myself with pain. I have prayed and prayed and I don’t know what the answer is and what God’s plan for me/him/us is. We have 4 kids at home who are very confused and I really hope we can work this out. I am so sad.
What an encouraging message Sheila. Straight from the heart.
This very revelation that has carried me through in my own marriage.
We can’t do marriage alone – it wasn’t our idea in the first place but God’s. Only He, the author can help us do it well, His way.
Thank you for praying and sharing.
Thank you! Great encouragement
This is a very encouraging piece that’s been shared with us all. However, I’d like to add another perspective because I think sometimes Christians hold on thinking that if they’re just faithful enough and hold on long enough that God will change things in their marriage and it will be wonderful like Sheila’s and some other folks here. However, I would like to challenge that and say that it isn’t true every time. Sometimes we’re faithful to Him and our marriages and work really, really hard for years and years and years and our spouse never turns around. I’m in a marriage like that and my spouse, while still a wonderful spouse and I wouldn’t trade her for anything, gave up having ANY intimacy with me at all many years ago. She won’t talk about it. She won’t let me near her. She won’t even change clothes if I’m in the room with her. All that said, I believe that sometimes God doesn’t change our spouse’s hearts and the real miracle is the gift he gives us is to live with it, be faithful, and continue to love our spouse unconditionally because these situations aren’t about us, they’re about Him. And sometimes He just wants us to be faithful and endure, even if it seems unfair to us. Not because He’s an angry or evil God who wants to put us through difficulty but because He wants us to know that no matter what we go through EVERYTHING is about our relationship with Him, even if it doesn’t go the way we think it should. As difficult as it’s been for many years for me God has given me a greater gift than just fixing this problem in my marriage. He’s given me the gift to love my wife regardless and expect nothing from her and has taught me to lean on Him. That is worth more than anything He could do in a human relationship. So while sometimes we read Scripture and see these wonderful passages like Sheila’s shared here, and we should find hope in them because that’s what they’re there for, I think we’re wrong to decide how God would deal with that in our lives. He doesn’t always keep a marriage together by making it a great situation. Sometimes He does it by teaching a spouse to love unconditionally and that may be far more important in the long run than having some personal desires or needs met.
Absolutely, Bill. Thanks for that comment. Sometimes the thing that God changes is YOU, not your spouse. And it is God who can give you the peace that you really need. So many people (including my mother) have seen marriages fall apart. But they have still gone on to thrive in spite of it, because they learned to lean on God. God is bigger than your marriage.
That’s great encouragement, Sheila. Every tough situation can be strengthen when we redirect our hearts and minds back to the word. It may not automatically change the situation, but it can change our hearts and how we look at the situation.
Thank you…I really needed this today. I really thank you for posting it. I may just be memorizing that Psalm now! 🙂
Thank you Sheila, I also have needed to hear this! I’m trying to remain faithful, and love her unconditionally still, even after she’s left… I’m just trusting in God’s plan, whatever that may be.
I found your blog on pinterest and I love it. Great spiritual guidance. Thank you.
It is hard to think I can only trust in my God and never my husband. I’m trying but I am not a saint and the hurt I feel daily in this marriage can’t continue. Keeping my head down in prayer and hoping God will move is incredibly hard. I need to trust in my husband a bit ….this cannot be his will for this.
I know this was posted a while back, but it was encouraging to me. My husband and I have been through a separation and God has restored our marriage. For those who are going through hard times, it does get better if you stick close to the Lord!
wow I really needed that – thanks. I was sitting here crying typing in encouragement for difficult marriages and this came up and it was just wanted I needed at the moment. Thank you and thank you God <3
This could not have come at a better time. I am so glad I found your FB page and blog. I feel like God is speaking to me through you. ~ In Love.
I know this is an old post, but I need to comment anyway. What if god is telling you to divorce your spouse because he/she refuses to change? What if that truly is God’s plan for the marriage? How are we to truly know?
Life is too short to spend it utterly miserable. I firmly believe that if you are miserable and are looking for a way to leave after trying for many, many, many years to make your marriage work, God puts the thought of divorce in our minds and hearts. He is telling you how to improve your life.
I love how you point out that God can change hearts and the way that people are. Thank you for such an encouraging message at dealing with difficulties!