Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario and Saskatchewan. What is the appropriate dress code for summer? How do we bring back class?
Twenty years ago a building in Blackburn, England was scheduled to be demolished. Before the wrecking ball swung, construction workers discovered some old film reels in a metal tub. Historians took a look, and found some of the earliest footage of a street in Belfast from 1901. I spent some time watching some on it on YouTube the other day, and what really impressed me was how dressed up all the pedestrians were. Men in suits rode bicycles and horses. All the women donned dresses with their hair pulled back. People were classy.
We’re not classy anymore; we aim to be comfortable instead. In some ways it’s a good trend; I’d hate to be in long skirts with long sleeves in the middle of summer. But at the same time I feel as if we have lost a bit of a sense of community pride as we have dressed down. When we show pride in ourselves, we inject pride into the community. When we appear trashy, then the community takes a nosedive.
And so, perhaps, in the spirit of building community, we could talk about a summer dress code that could restore some decency and some class.
First, let’s talk Speedos. As a comedienne once said, there’s a very narrow window when Speedos look good on a guy, and that’s between the ages of 6 and 10. If you are not between those ages, then please cover up more. When I’m on the beach, I want to be free to scan the horizon to look at sand and water, not scan the horizon only to have to avert my eyes. Yes, I have to share the beach. But I would rather not be reminded of absolutely everything I am sharing it with.
Speaking of too little fabric, let’s turn now to bikini tops, most of which consist of less fabric than the average WonderBra. A bikini top is part of a bathing suit. You may clue in to this because they are purchased at the “bathing suit” section of a store. Thus, if one chooses to wear one, one should wear it at a place where bathing is done. If there is no water within one hundred feet, then it’s no longer an acceptable wardrobe choice.
Here’s something else that bugs me: there is a point at which a leg is no longer a leg, but becomes a different body part. When one is wearing shorts, this point should never be visible. Shorts should descend part way down the leg—not part way up the butt. And the bottom of shorts should be parallel to the ground; they should not be shaped like a V. A V is acceptable at the neck; it is not acceptable at the crotch.
Now guys, you’re not off the hook when it comes to shorts, either. While I don’t want them to crawl too far up, I’d also prefer that they not fall too far down. I would prefer not to know whether you choose Hanes or Fruit of the Loom; that’s for your grandma to know when she wraps your Christmas presents, not for me to know when I’m standing next to you at the mall.
Some things are just meant to be kept private. I know in this era of reality TV we like to let it all hang out, but I personally would prefer if we would stuff some back in. I think that would lead to a far friendlier community this summer, one where I do not fear having to avert my eyes.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
EXCELLENT! Keep ’em coming. {Hey Sheila, here’s some food for thought if you’ve never posted on this. And now I venture out of my comfort zone because someone will get mad. But when it comes to breast feeding in public, do women REALLY have the right to whip out their boobs? I think not. There are plenty of products especially today that make this process easier {at least for the onlooker, I honestly never breast fed after much defeat after trying. Weigh in, if you will. }
I’ve seen a good many breastfeeding mamas in public in my life, and I’ve never seen any of them “whip out their boobs” in public. Yes, getting baby settled and positioned may involve more skin than you are personally comfortable with. But averting one’s eyes is easy!
I’m also curious– what are those products that make the breastfeeding process easier? Breastfeeding is pretty easy to begin with– attach child to breast and let them have at.
I think the product she is referring to is “Hooter Hiders” available at Toys R Us. They are an apron type garment that allows you to see your child, but keeps everything covered. I’ve seen many of the young mothers in my Bible study use them. They are awesome. Wish they had been available when I breastfed my own children!
Ah yes, just what I want on a 90 degree day is to drape a blanket over myself…
And I must say, its not always about maternal comfort either. Would you want to eat with a blanket over your head? Well neither did my first born daughter, who refused to let me put a thin receiving blanket over her (that was before products named a crass term for “breast” were available to cover up with) when she was less than a week old…in early November. Since I became quite accustomed to feeding without a cover with my first child, I never tried to use one with any of my other kids. I can assure you that unless you were staring at my chest in a manner that would be impolite even if I wasn’t nursing, you would have never seen as much of my breast as is displayed by many bikini tops.
As to the original question on this topic though, the answer is YES. Women have a legal right to breastfeed in any place they are legally allowed to be. Many states even have legislation that specifies that breast or nipple exposure during the process of breastfeeding is not “indecent exposure.”
My daughters were the same way. They pushed away the blanket. I always found that when I was nursing, especially if I was wearing a nursing top, you really couldn’t see anything. The only difficult time was if the baby latched off, or when you’re switching breasts. But that’s when I would grab a blanket and just use it for those times. Honestly, you really couldn’t see anything.
I regularly nurse in public. It is important for me, personally, to be as modest as possible, but there have been times when a baby kicked a cover off or my two year old just had to “give baby Tab-fuh a kiss!” and uncovered more than I would have liked to have shown to the entire section of bleachers at my older son’s baseball game. (Oops.) I figure that’s life, though. I will try to be considerate, and other people can try to realize that my baby has to eat.
PS – Legally, at least in most states in the US, yes, it is their right to “whip out their boobs.”
Hear! Hear, Megan! Breasts are God-designed baby feeding vessels, even more than they are “sexy pleasure centers” (I made that term up! lol). They are beautiful and have the most amazing purpose in the world. I also tried to be as modest (because I am naturally modest) as I could be while breastfeeding, but things do happen and you can’t always control it. We should in every way possible encourage mothers to breastfeed, and not make a big deal out of a little bare skin in this case.
My child has a right to eat. When he was a baby, he was breastfed, which is the BEST possible food to feed a human infant. Why should I have to cover up while feeding my child? Do YOU cover up your head when you’re eating? I breastfed my son. I did it as discreetly as possible. It’s no worse seeing a breast with a baby attached than it is to see a person’s butt crack or their buttocks with those short shorts that Sheila mentioned. Or half a boob in the bikini tops that some women wear.
Sure it’s not any worse. A woman should be allowed to feed her baby anywhere, but I think that onlookers have a right to prefer you wear a cover– much in the same way a woman has the right to wear next to nothing on the beach, but I have the right to wish they’d please cover up. Different people are comfortable with different things, and that’s okay. If someone is uncomfortable seeing half your boob while nursing, fine. They have to deal with that, but they are still allowed to feel that way.
As a side note, according to my hubby, for the tween/teen boys, boobs are made for play and are highly sexual. They are wired that way. I know I would wish that someone would keep that in mind when breastfeeding near my son when he’s at that age. FWIW, all three of my kids have been nursed in public situations. It’s really not hard to throw on a cover, out of courtesy for those around them.
It’s not HARD to throw on a cover but if I’m being discreet, why should I have to? Especially in summer in 90 degree heat. If others don’t want to see a mother breastfeeding her child they can look away.
So it is your right to sit at the park, with you boob hanging out, but it doesn’t infringe on someone else’s right when they are uncomfortable and must leave? I am totally for breastfeeding and breastfed 3 kids, occasionally in public. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable to see someone, discreet or indiscreet, breastfeeding in public. But, I don’t really want to look over at a ball game, on a bus, during a meeting, at a restaurant, and see your boob, baby attached or not. Men, ages tween to death, don’t see a baby breastfeeding and think, “oh, how wonderful! The nuturing milk a mother is giving her child.” Nope…they see a boob. Little boys giggle, tweens/teens stare and then tell their friends, and men are uncomfortable and look in every direction they can, all at once. Instead of raising your fist screaming…It’s my right!!. take a moment to put yourself in everyone else’s place and see things from their perspective. If you don’t want to throw a light blanket over the the baby, find a quiet corner, go to the car, find a secluded spot. Ask your husband/father if they are uncomfortable seeing a stranger or someone they know socially, but not personally, breastfeeding in public without discreetion…it might change your mind a little about throwing that light blanket on!
Well said. It’s an issue of being considerate of those around you, just like modest dress. I don’t have a problem with not using a cover if you are being modest about it. Sometimes, it just depends on what you have on, other times, a simple burp cloth thrown over the top of your boob can keep you covered (but not cover your baby). The point is, it seems like people hear “breastfeeding in public” and it’s like hitting a “play” button on an argument– one that we aren’t even having. The post is about modesty, and I think this line in the comments is also about modesty. Women (especially Christian women) should always be striving to be modest. That should apply to all areas of life- the amount of skin we show to the way we behave.
This depends on one’s location. In some cultures, a openly breastfeeding mom only attracts the attracts the attention of Canadians/Americans. The locals see it enough neither gender cares a bit. It is the Canadian/American culture which sexually objectifies the breast.
My friends’ babies don’t like to be covered up while nursing! The pull and kick the hooter hider off. Should the nursing mother be mortified if that happens? No!
as for the statement that teen boys are WIRED to view boobs as sexualized… gee, how can we change that? Maybe by not forcing mothers to cover up the real, actual and original purpose of the boob!! Ya think?
Let’s not throw up our hands and say, “Oh gee, the trouser barons think of boobs as sexy. Guess we better cover up the boobs.” Other cultures don’t have this problem… think about the difference. Isn’t it healthier all together to return boobs to their natural habitat?
I think we could argue that boobs were first used as a tool for sexual arousal (or maybe Adam didn’t dig Eve’s boobs at all when they were working on populating the Earth).
Anyways, boys/men being *wired* to see boobs as sex toys indicates that it isn’t something they can change. No one is saying that women shouldn’t be allowed to publicly nurse, or even that they shouldn’t publicly nurse. No one is saying that a nursing mom be *required* to cover up. It’s just a suggestion that by making sure your boobs aren’t out for the world to see can be a good thing (in a bathing suit, your every day clothes and yes, even while nursing).
But how can they be wired to see breasts as sexual when in many cultures they aren’t sexual at all? It’s not hardwiring going on, but it’s a particularly nasty quirk of our society that men see breasts as sexual, even in the context of breastfeeding.
Maybe teen-aged boys are “wired that way” in our culture because not enough women are breastfeeding in public.
Most women I see breastfeeding in public are very discreet. They’re not trying to make a statement, they’re just feeding their baby. Here in the US there are laws that allow us to nurse without being covered, but there is a way to do it without whipping out the whole boob. I have one friend who is insanely practiced at that – doesn’t even look like she’s moved any of her clothing aside but her baby is nursing. So it’s not like we nursing moms are all running around with our boobs hanging out just because we can – we just want to feed our babies in peace. That’s all.
Here is a post that involves a collection of artwork of Jesus nursing. Apparently through the ages (some of the artwork is QUITE old) it was not considered indecent to display this.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/breastfeeding-baby-jesus.html
Seems that artists through the years have felt that displaying Jesus nursing is not indecent…it just tends to be our very prudish American culture that considers a mother nursing her baby to be indecent.
http://www.drmomma.org/2009/12/breastfeeding-baby-jesus.html
Ha. This was way more liberal than I thought it was going to be when I clicked over. I think speedos are only appropriate for competitive swimming, but I agree with you on everything else.
Can I add one more, though? BABIES SHOULD NOT BE NAKED IN PUBLIC, no matter how warm it is. II get that sometimes they need to change or something, but in general- don’t just let them play naked!
I agree ont he Speedo thing. They are never okay unless it’s for competitive swimming- they really don’t look good on anyone, all modesty aside 🙂
I also agree on the naked baby thing. Not because it’s sexual or immodest for a baby to be naked, but I find it unsanitary… and if you really want to go there, you never know who is in public and there could be some twisted individuals out there. My kids play naked at home and in the back yard often (there was even a time when I’d tell my oldest he needed to put on pants and his reaction was always “Who’s coming over?”), but not at the park or the beach. If I wouldn’t take them to the grocery store naked, why would I take them other public places naked?
breast feeding and naked babies… really?!?! I think you guys should head over to an African village and get a bit of a reality check. I agree with Shelia that we don’t need to sexualize ourselves in public and let everything hang out. But we also need to get over this weird desire for everyone to be “modest” all of the time. Children like to be naked, and there is nothing wrong with that. God created boobs not just as a sexual zone of our body but primarly for the function of feeding our children. There is a distiction between letting everything ‘hang out’ and just living, and I don’t think we need to judge women for just living their lives.
I completely disagree with you. I like to clean the house in a sports bra and running shorts, but I definitely wouldn’t go out in public like that.
Children need to learn, from very early on, that there are different standards of dress and decency for at home vs. out in public.
All I was saying was that women should be allowed to do what they think is right for both them and their children. We should not be promoting a society where there is no freedom to do what works best for our families in that day because we are worried that a prudish woman might be made a little uncomfortable. I am not saying that we should walk out of our houses intending to bare ourselves to the world, or have our children run around naked, but if that happens then we shouldn’t be embarrassed and stressed out.
Never ceases to amaze me that girls will scream if caught in their underwear but wear bathing suits are smaller than their underwear….well written article.
Great article Sheila! I’d also like to request that people refrain from wearing PJ bottoms in public! Really, take an extra minute and throw on a pair of sweatpants. Unless it’s an absolute emergency, I shouldn’t see you shopping at Walmart in Hello Kitty PJ bottoms!
I wear a modest swimsuit. It’s got a skirt attatched to it. Although it shows more skin than the Duggars allow, it’s a tank model with a skirt and covers everything up nicely.
Kelly, I actually had a paragraph about pj bottoms in public, but because of word count I had to let it go! I also had a paragraph about how foundational garments are actually quite foundational. Like don’t go braless just because it’s summer. Most of us look way better with a bra!
I have more of a problem with pajama bottoms at the mall than with speedos and bikinis at the beach! There’s just something about appropriate attire for appropriate places…keep the pjs for bedtime.
I agree with you – Speedos skeeve me out. No matter who is wearing them. I am scarred from my older brother walking out of his room in Speedos just to make me shriek. Scarred, I tell you!
I’m a very modest person. I don’t like showing a lot of skin. My husband loves when I let a bit of cleavage show, but that’s something that makes me very self-conscious, so I only do cleavage if we’re going on an extra special date just the two of us. Otherwise, you bet there’s a camisole on under there.
I’m divided on the breastfeeding thing. I breastfed in public, but I always found I was pretty covered up, even wtihout a blanket. You really can’t see much if you’re wearing a nursing shirt (which I tended to do). But I do know women who honestly would just “whip it out”, hiking up their shirts and taking their bra down and continuing a conversation with a mixed crowd at the same time. When people are looking at you because you’re talking to them, and THEN you start to disrobe and adjust yourself before you latch the baby on, it’s really awkward. If the baby’s already feeding, you really are pretty covered up, and there’s no reason not to talk. But that beginning point, when you’re getting yourself settled, really can be quite uncomfortable, especially if you’re with men who know you socially. It’s just good to be a little discrete, that’s all.
Hi Sheila,
Though it wasn’t the point of your post, I think we can address the whole breast-feeding issue with my mom’s favorite phrase when I was growing up. Ready?
BE CONSIDERATE.
Breast-feeding moms (and this was me, too) need to be considerate of others who are not comfortable seeing their breasts.
Other folks need to be considerate of hungry babies getting fed.
Is that so hard? Really? Does it have to be about demanding our rights? Why not just be considerate?
As to your actual post… a huge AMEN from out here on the coast! I’m cracking up about the men in Speedos (not as prevalent here in the States as in Canada). If men only knew how unattractive most women find that, maybe they’d reconsider. Frankly, outside the realm of competitive swimming, I’ve always thought that was more of a homosexual thing.
But the whole modesty issue is a stickier ball of wax. All the rules and standards don’t do much to touch people’s hearts, and that’s where modesty begins. What do you want people to see? And who do you really want to see it? (Most girls/women don’t realize that they’re reaching a much larger “audience” than they’re intending, when they dress seductively.)
One of my best friends – a mom to three girls – summed it up. When one of her daughters asked her why she didn’t wear certain styles of make-up or clothing, she responded, “I want people to see Jesus.” It wasn’t about weather a certain shade of lipstick is sinful, but about her heart to glorify God, not herself. (And she’s a beautiful woman, a stylish dress-er, and does wear make-up, btw!)
But you said it so well, and with humor! ;D
Julie
Exactly!
Realizing that the breastfeeding issue is a bit of a rabbit trail from the point of today’s post, I’ll sum up my feelings this way: regarding ‘whipping it out,’ consider these words from the apostle Paul: “Everything is permissible; not everything is beneficial.” Yes, you have the RIGHT – as a guy, all I ask is that, as mentioned above, consideration is taken into account – and I’ll be sure to do the same.
Now – back to the topic at hand…
Again, speaking as a guy, I find myself able to appreciate a woman’s beauty MORE when they’re not ‘baring it all.’ Note that this appreciation isn’t to be confused with lust; it is completely possible for a guy to appreciate beauty without lusting after a woman. I saw this quote online recently – it’s attributed to Marilyn Monroe: “Your clothes should be tight enough to show you’re a woman, but loose enough to show you’re a lady.” You’re right, Sheila – society, at least in North America, has largely pushed the concept of ‘ladies’ and ‘gentlemen’ aside, in the name of ‘comfort,’ and in my opinion, ego: “I’ll wear what I want, and no one’s going to tell me otherwise!” It’s become ‘stylish’ to push the envelope, becoming progressively more daring, and more revealing. Guys are no different, except that, rather than being ‘revealing,’ guys tend to choose fashions that automatically lower their IQ – like the aforementioned pants sagging down to show the boxers. That’s one fad that I’m definitely ready to see the end of.
Again, speaking as a guy (well, it’s the only way I know! :-))…I agree that there’s a very specific time and place for bathing attire – specifically the aforementioned ‘speedo.’ In fact, I have one of those – but I bought it for a very specific purpose: I’m a scuba diver, and when diving, the more streamlined you can be, the less you have to exert yourself, and therefore you use your air supply more slowly. Additionally, swim shorts are not all that comfortable when you have to wear a wetsuit over them…but that’s the ONLY time my ‘speedo’ is worn. No one…including me…wants to see it elsewhere! 🙂
The under-the-wetsuit issue never occurred to me – good point!
And I’m cracking up about the sagging pants issue. I think it was John Ritter (?) who joked that he’d tell any boy who came to date his daughter with his pants sagging that he could fix that problem in a jiffy with his staple gun. ;D
Julie
I agree with you completely Sheila. A little class would be nice. And sadly it is difficult because it is difficult to buy stylish modest clothing. You either look trampy or frumpy. There is very little in between lately (at least in the inexpensive stores I can afford) I am currently pregnant and was very disappointed that they don’t make modest clothing for pregnant women any more. I don’t have (much of) a problem showing off my “baby bump” but I don’t have any desire to show off my breasts and bra straps at the same time.
They don’t make modest clothing for pregnant women anymore????? Wow, a LOT must have changed in the 13 months since I was pregnant last…
I agree, Julie. I had wonderful nursing clothing that concealed a lot!
Actually, it must have changed a lot in the 6 weeks since one of my best friends had her baby. And the lady in my church’s choir that’s pregnant? Yeah, she’s very obviously not dressing modestly either. *sarcasm* It takes a tiny bit of actually looking at the clothes to find ones that are modest enough-just like with non-maternity clothes. It’s easy to do, just not as easy as grabbing the first thing off the rack with a cute animal print.
yeah good stuff there
whoops, hit ENTER by mistake..
I was gonna say,
yeah good stuff there, and this is good advice even to those
OUTSIDE the church too….
Thanks, Rich! And the column is in just a regular newspaper, so it hits everybody.
My thoughts exactly! Haha! Especially on the Speedo issue! Every summer I have to avert my eyes when I hear my neighbor across the street start his lawn mower! Yes, that’s right! He mows his yard in a Speedo! He is a pencil thin, 50 year old man in a tiny Speedo! I shudder just thinking about it! LOL
Oh, my goodness, Laura. That’s awful! 🙂
Ewwwww! My neighbor is 76…he goes shirtless frequently but if he decides to go with the speedo…>shudder.
I find that I feel better in modest clothing. I could wear short shorts and a bikini top to the grocery store, but why would I? My rule has always been that sleeves should cover the shoulder, my tummy shouldn’t show, even if I raise my arms, and shorts and skirts need to touch my kneecap. As a teen I thought my parents were being a little old-fashioned by insisting on these rules, but I found that I got more respect from everyone, including boys. And I never had to be self-conscious about showing too much. My husband has commented that he likes that I don’t show off my body to anyone but him.
I wish more people taught their children simple rules like yours, I guess we just need to be an example.
I agree, Sheila. Great article. Your comments about classy and pride in ourselves and community are spot on. I have read many of the comments but not all so I don’t know if this has been mentioned or not, but I’d love to know if anyone else has noticed a very weird and indecent trend in ladies’ clothing starting with the warm weather this year. I’m seeing it everywhere. If I were a guy I’d have to walk through Walmart with my closed. I’m not talking too-low necklines with barely the tops of the breasts showing, or even plunging into the center, or even just a little cleavage or whatever (those are bad enough in my opinion). I am talking about LOW scoop necks that literally show – I am not exaggerating – 3/4 or more of the breasts all the way across and many are wearing ornaments of some kind or another squeezed in between the cleavage. It is really disgusting. It makes me want to scream. Talk about no pride in oneself….
Love this post! 🙂 Couldn’t agree more!
My kids and I regularly dress in period clothing for our local museum and other community events. I know the “classy” looking turn of the century clothing you are talking about is beautiful, but I can’t imagine the corset, pantalettes, petticoats, chemise and layers of outerwear while shopping, taking the kids to school, working, taking a kid to practice, watching a ball game, cooking supper and tending the garden and moving the lawn. Yikes!
Having said that…
Knowing what is fashionable, appropriate and suitable for your body type is very important. Since the long pretty ‘maxi-dresses’ are in style, just skip the skimpy (excuse me) slut-gear and ditch the speedos, please!
I had to laugh while reading this! How many times I have wished to say something to these guys going around with one hand holding up their saggy pants while their underwear were hanging out, I don’t mean just the waistband, you can see their whole hindquarters and the pants hit about where the shorts stop! And the women who think they have something show off with teeny barely there shorts and ‘tops’.
I have been the mean neighbor lady who has sent the tween and teen girls in my neighborhood away from my house/yard with the instructions to either change into a tshirt and shorts or stay away from my house and pool. And no, I’m not embarrassed by that!
AFA breastfeeding in public, I do it without covering up at home, but in public I try to find a private spot and am discreet about it. Not that I think my babies don’t have the right to eat wherever we are, but b/c they are easily distractable. If I’m in a place where there is no place to sit and nurse, I use my sling to wrap them up so they can nurse while I’m walking around and nobody knows it. Even my husband can’t tell that I’m walking down the street nursing the baby. LOL
AFA personal dress code, girls were dresses/skirts that come below the knees, tops with sleeves in public if you’re more than 5 years old, for swimming, shorts and tshirts. The boys wear jeans/pants and shirts with sleeves again after 5 years old. The ones under 3 can wear shorts in public but none of my boys would ever shorts without crying and fussing after 2yrs of age so I didn’t put them on them! So I’d say we’re pretty conservative. Most people think that we have some party or something when they see us at the store b/c “You’re so dressed up!” and I’m thinking “No, you’re just dressed down!” lol
I love the two paragraphs about shorts so much that I want to hang than in my classroom! (I teach high school students.)
“As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” Proverbs 11:22
My dad always said, “That goes for the guys too.” 🙂
I agree with you. I also think it’s funny that women say they are dressing comfortably when they are wearing a bikini top that barely contains them and shorts that are riding up their butts! WHAT?! That’s comfy?? I mean, I admit, I have some short shorts, but they are for the beach or for lounging at home…not for walking around downtown or taking my child to the park! Yikes. And they don’t ride up. No way, no how.
I had to laugh about the pants thing. My husband is in his late twenties and may appear at times to be one of those guys in the mall, but I promise, he doesn’t WANT to be. The guy has no hips! Before you say wear a belt, HE DOES! He wears it as tight as he can without looking like a dork and cutting of his circulation, but he has no hips, LONG legs and a wide top half. Yeah, you can imagine. He has to wear his pants below his belly or they wont fit his legs and vice versa. To add to the problem, over the past few years, his weight has been all over the place due to a)seasonal work and b)a car accident. Now I know what people are thinking, those things can be easily fixed. Well, they can, if he wants to dress like an 80 year old in suspenders (or Steve Urkel…remember him??) HAHAHA. My husband, does, however, keep the boxer show under control by wearing his pants as high and tight as he can muster AND wearing long shirts that cover things up. It’s not like his pants are down around his knees or anything. But a lot of people assuming he has been being “trendy” all these years. Now we have a 5 yr old and guess what? Even those pants with the adjustable elastic waist don’t stay up on her. If they stay up, they fit like flood pants, so now SHE wears long shirts and even dresses with her pants. *sigh*
First for the topic of breast feeding in public: Why is it that some people are totally okay with people nursing uncovered and hanging out, while they are not okay with the bikinis and low cut tops otherwise? This seems hypocritical to me. Personally I think everyone’s boobs need to stay covered up. If you can nurse in public without me seeing skin great! (I know the occasional baby ripping off the cover happens.) I know that my husband is uncomfortable with that just because he knows the baby may detach as any time and everything would be visible.
Second topic: Bikinis even in the water are NOT modest! Bikinis usually cover less than your bra and underwear and are not acceptable to wear in public if you are wanting to be modest. Dare I say this, but shorts should be to your knee for men or women. Thighs showing, especially on women is tempting to men. My mom always said your skirt should be below your knees even when you are sitting, so people can’t look up your skirt. Tight clothes also count as immodest. You say, “I’m modest. I am wearing a turtleneck and long skirt.” I’m sorry if I can see every curve of your body AND the outline of your bra and underwear that is NOT modest.
http://god-bless-you.org/?p=1959 Great video on modesty from a guys perspective.
I breastfeed in public, and I must say that I have never once done (or seen anyone doing) the whole ‘whip out the boobs’ thing. If for NO other reason, I wouldn’t uncover both while nursing because when the letdown reflex happens, especially when breast milk is baby’s only food source and you’re producing a lot, that milk will literally squirt out of your nipple. If it’s not covered by a) baby’s mouth or b) nursing pad and bra, it WILL get all over everything and it WILL make your skin, clothes, purse, etc sticky (and smell like sour milk if left that way for a few hours-yuck!) It’s one thing to do your best to find a quiet, out-of-the-way place to breastfeed, but sometimes there just isn’t one available aside from a bathroom…how many of you are willing to eat YOUR lunch in the bathroom so you “don’t offend” someone else by slurping your soup or eating your tomatoes off your salad first instead of your onions? Yeah, I didn’t think so. My child shouldn’t have to eat in the bathroom just because you’re uncomfortable with breastfeeding. Besides, if YOU’RE the one looking at ME, it’s not MY problem anymore, especially when I’m doing my best to keep a very active little one eating instead of looking around as babies tend to do. Also, if someone (man or woman) sees me feeding in public and has impure thoughts while watching a baby eat…aren’t they the twisted ones????
I’d agree with you, except for one case: I’ve been in conversations with a group of both sexes when there was a mom who began nursing. And she was the one talking, so we were all looking at her while she undid her bra and took out her breast (without covering it up at all). It just made everyone feel a little uncomfortable. Where do you look? I think if you’re not the centre of attention, then people should just let you be discrete and all is fine. But if you’re the one who is deliberately “holding court”, so to speak, it just gets awkward. That’s all.
And may I just add one I saw:out and about the other day? If your pockets are sticking out below the bottom of your shorts–they’re TOO SHORT!