We’ve been talking for a while on this blog about how to have a cheap date night, and I commented that one way that we could all support each others’ marriages was to help watch people’s kids so they could get some time alone.
Megan G., one of my regular readers, sent information about a baby-sitting coop she’s involved in that sounds really neat. You can set one up online, or see existing ones, through Helping Heroes here, but if you want to start one just within your church or group of friends, here are the basic rules Megan explained:
What we do in our group is that everyone starts with 30 hours. To leave the group, you have to have 30 hours. So, 30 hours is sort of considered “even.” If I watch my friend Jen’s kids for 3 hours, I get 3 points (and she’d lose 3 points), so then I’d have 33. If my friend Angie watches my kids for 4 hours, I’d lose 4 points (and she’d get 4 points), so I’d have 29 hours. When I go put in a time that I need a sitter, I can choose to send it to everyone in the group, or I can choose to just send it to a few people. That feature was nice when I was pregnant and my doctor’s office is only close to a couple of my friends, so I would only send it to them. It has worked great for us! We’ve been using it about a year and a half.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
This is a great idea! My parents live 6 minutes from us, and they regularly watch our kids so we can have a date night, and my neighbor and I have swapped babysitting as well, but I realize that not everyone is that lucky. I have thought about the logistics of starting up a babysitting group, but could never figure it out like this!
I was not the one that set it up – don’t want to steal the credit from my very clever, practical friends! But, it has been really great.
I never felt that being mom was for me. I met my husband and he wanted kids, I felt at that point perhaps I should reevaluate what having kids meant. So I than thought what would life be if I didn’t try. I now have twins, 4 year old girls. Amazing and beautiful as children are but staying home has made me resentful but to whom! I have it all and should be grateful for my life. The fact that my husband and I set up our financial future for me to stay home one would think I should be stress free ( mind you we are not rich) the point is that I had a career and was just at the start of greater things, I feel like a loser. I went to school, obtained an A.S and B.A but in my career I slacked somewhat after meeting my husband…I felt I didn’t want to give up my time to work hard. When we decided to have kids I had to endure multiple hormone treatments and surgery to sustain a pregnancy. Staying at home was our decision but now 4 yrs later I feel like I choose it so I didn’t have to work…so I didn’t have to put in the grueling hours and hate what I was doing. I find myself now kicking myself for not pushing harder and kind of giving up. Having kids just makes your short comings more relevant. I now want to go back to school to get into a different field and feel more accomplished, but at the end of the day I really don’t care… I love my kids but life is hard, I have it all but I’m depressed …I have no point but I would love to know how to love life, love me and give more affection to my husband…since kids I’m lost, alone and depressed for what reason I do not know
Mich, maybe because you feel like you left loose ends? I sold my powerful, well paying partnership interest when I was pregnant and have never looked back, but I have always been convinced that having a spouse at home is best for our marriage and our family. I also left at the top of my industry – there was no upward mobility left. Perhaps if you had accomplished some of what you wanted to do then there wouldn’t be so much wondering about what could have been? But then it sounds like you didn’t like what you were doing anyway. If you want to go back to school, why not do it? Can you take courses remotely? A lot of programs are offered this way now and can be completed part time. It does get easier as the kids get older. Mine are 7 and 5 and I now have time for courses, blogging, writing, presenting workshops, and lots of other things – and we homeschool!
Maybe talk to your doctor about the depression. All the stuff you experienced could have some hormonal roots? Hope this helps!