We are a threat.
We, who believe that marriage is sacred, that sex is meant for marriage, and that sex is best in marriage, are a threat to just about everything our culture stands for.
When our marriages work, we show the culture how shallow it is. We shine a light on the fact that eveyrthing they’re chasing after and basing their lives on is essentially meaningless.
If married people stay together, continue to love each other even in the rough times, continue to be happier, healthier, and wealthier, and raise better kids, then maybe there really is something to that morality thing. And people don’t want there to be. They want morality to be a sham.
Yet what we know is that choosing to do what’s right isn’t constricting; it’s freeing. It means that you have more joy in life, and more fulfilling relationships.
So it is that our culture is dedicated to taking down those who are a risk.
Recently, a website (I’m not even going to mention which one, because I don’t want to send it traffic) announced a reward of $1,000,000 for anyone who could take Tim Tebow’s virginity (or prove that they had had sex with him). Writing in the Washington Post, Esther Fleece says:
Tim Tebow deserves…respect. He not only believes, but boldly lives by the belief, that sex outside the context of marriage forms permanent bonds and memories from temporary relationships, and is therefore neither long-lasting or truly satisfying to the soul.
Tell me, Mr. Biderman, where’s the $1-million-bounty-worthy crime in that?
I find that completely sick, but let’s not assume that we’re safe, just because we’re not celebrities.
The culture wants us to fail, and so we’re surrounded by movies, and erotica, and porn that will wreck our sex lives. Last week I talked about how Kindles can wreck marriages, and other marriage bloggers have chimed in, talking about the danger that erotica can pose to marriages. It’s everywhere today.
We’re surrounded by scantily clad women, and messages that we’re never good enough, so that we’ll be drawn to buy more and more stuff to make us feel beautiful, rather than just accepting our bodies and having fun with our husbands with them. How many women are robbed of pleasure because of negative body image?
We’re surrounded by the message “you just need to be happy”, as if happiness is god. And so when we’re not happy we start to question our choices and our relationships, because if we’re not “being true to ourselves”, then what’s the point?
Our culture is set up to hurt marriages, not help marriages.
It is set up to encourage people to jump into bed. It is set up to encourage divorce.
And so what is the response? Listen to God. Talk to your mate. Keep him as your best friend, so communication is strong. As much as possible, get rid of negative media. Never be careless. And work to make things better! One of the recurring comments I get from my book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, is “I wish I hard read this earlier in my marriage; I would have saved myself so much heartache.” Don’t settle for mediocre. Fight for your marriage! And if someone else, or something else, is threatening to take you off the right path, fight back!
When you do, you strike a blow against our culture. When you fight for your marriage, you’re fighting for something bigger than yourself. It matters. You matter. And God never intends for you to have to fight alone!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Great post! It reminds me of the hymn “Fight the Good Fight with all thy might.”
And it is very common. From the time I was in high school until after I was married, I was criticized for not having dated more and “fooled around.” That was distressing and a bit depressing. Thankfully, the Christians I knew did not act like that and it’s that kind of godly encouragement that helps to get past the wrong thinkers.
Yes, yes, yes!
Just read this verse this morning ~ “lovers of pleasure more than lovers of God.” The thing is that there is so much more pleasure in doing things God’s ways than man’s. The Great Deceiver has deceived many and will continue to do it. All we can do is be lights shining in the darkenss.
Amen to that! We need to be praying for each other and our nation daily; one such effort in this regard is: http://www.call2fall.com.
Misery loves company? 🙁 This is vile. We have movies like “The 40 Year Old Virgin” in which the protaganist was a goony wuss who wasn’t capable of wooing a woman, and that’s how we tend to view virgins. I don’t think people can stand it that a strong successful man could wilfully choose to remain a virgin until marriage. I hope he stays true to the faith and doesn’t get bombarded by bounty hunters. 🙁
I just try to remember to pray for him now whenever I think of it! Just think of all the forces that are coming out against him right now, like he’s got a bull’s eye or something. So sad.
AMEN AMEN! Love this post! I wish purity was preached in my family’s home rather than “if you have it flaunt it”. How crazy we devalue people who want to keep themselves pure by mocking and trying to steal that from them?! It is CRAZINESS! John 10:10
This is an amazing post. My wife and I have been struggling lately for various reasons, sex being one of those reasons. At the end of the fight we both realized Satan was attacking us because of the ministry we participate in. He is trying to use this world and our culture to make us think differently than we ought. Our issues are far from resolved, but at least we recognized what was happening and agreed that we both need to make changes in our behavior and agreed that we would work together and pray together in order to make that happen. It’s just so sad how our culture has distorted our view of what a “normal” marriage or sex life should look like. I DO NOT ACCEPT THAT SATAN!!! MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN THIS WORLD AND WILL, YES…WILL, BLESS MY MARRIAGE!!! God intended marriage to be a beautiful partnership and friendship with special and intimate aspects that no other relationship on this earth can possess…and I fully expect HIM to honor his promise to bless that as I lead my family in HIS will! Will it be easy? I think everyone who reads this blog can attest to the fact that it will NOT be easy. When Christians strive for holiness, that is when Satan attacks. But as Christians, God makes us warriors! Lions! We can fight back! I pray for Tim Tebow with all my heart! I pray for all the husbands who read this blog who are struggling with the same things I am struggling with and I pray for you wives out there who are struggling! God loves each one of us as if we were his only child and he fully intends on blessing us if we are in his will! Remember that when you are in the middle of your next fight with your spouse. Don’t let the heat of the moment drive you to say something to do not mean…that’s when regret comes in…and you don’t want to live with the regret of stupid hurtful words. As I pray for you all…I ask for your prayers as well.
Well said!
It’s interesting because for all of society’s bravado about casual sex, there are more people who respect the institution of marriage and waiting for marriage than we know. In high school, I was talking with a girl I’d made friends with in one of my classes – she was very open about the fact that she and her boyfriend had sex. Somehow it came up that I hadn’t had sex, and I was surprised by her response – she nodded her head firmly and said “You hold on to that, because once you give it away, you can’t get it back.”
So I have a theory that a lot of the bravado is people covering up how much they’re hurting inside and how much they really do crave something better, but they don’t know what that something better looks like.
Melissa, that’s so true. I think so much of it is pain and bravado. And it is so sad!
Some of it is that, some of it is “it seemed like such a good idea at the time.” or you do it, feel justified, maybe even for years, and then think “oh no, I actually had life figured out better at 10 than at 15!”. That’s what happened with me. I was a “good girl” and then, I noticed every where I went that it seemed like it was just expected that I would have sex in high school. Then, I also noticed that a lot of the Christian boys at my school also seemed to be very intolerant of others and I thought they had a very narrow minded world view, so I didn’t want to date them. And actually they did, but not all Christians are like them, I just got a bad “sampling” if you will. In any case, although I still loved God and believed in God and prayed all the time, I was “buying in” more and more to what the media, etc. was basically spoon feeding me. It started with sex and went down hill from there until, at 22 years old, I found myself pregnant by a guy I’d been dating for two months, living in a one bedroom apartment, will bill collectors hounding me. I was lucky enough that said boyfriend stuck around, helped me pay those bills(I later supported our family while he went back to school and got a second college diploma and luckily, I have one, too and have worked steady the whole time). We now have a fantastic daughter and we are FINALLY getting married next June(we refer to each other as husband and wife and treat our relationship like a marriage, but we both wanted to have a more traditional wedding….I know, I know, bad, bad, bad, but that is a topic of a different day).
In any case, as I look at my life and what I have now, yes I am grateful, but I KNOW if I had just stuck to the plan I made at 10 years old to wait until marriage and keep being a super good girl no matter how much I got teased, I would be better off now. Of course, as I have said on here before, if I changed that, I wouldn’t have my daughter and she is wonderful. I don’t regret her in the least….but do I regret losing my virginity in high school. Yes, yes I do.
and my first inkling of that was when I was about 16 years old, AFTER I had already lost my virginity to my football player boyfriend. Yet, it took me another 6 years after that to hit my personal rock bottom. I was the sort of girl who was having sex in high school and college while giving kudos to the girls who weren’t. It’s hypocritical maybe, but it also goes to the idea that sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.
Thank you for this post Sheila. As I mentioned before, last year I discovered that my husband of 12 yrs had been having an affair. Most people think I’m crazy for not kicking him to the curb. Some days I think I’m crazy for not divorcing him too. But then I read this post of yours….it makes me glad I decided to fight for my marriage. For my sake, for my son’s sake. I whole heartedly agree that divorce hurts children. I KNOW my son would be devastated if I’d chosen to leave my husband. That wouldn’t be fair to him as he’s done nothing wrong. I see how my nieces are affected by having to live in two different households…with my sister and with their father.
So thank you for being a sound voice of reason! And that million dollar reward for Tebow’s virginity? That absolutely sickens me!
LOVE this! I pray for Tim Tebow all the time, God is using him and the enemy will try to do all he can to hurt his witness. I pray he stands strong and steadfast in serving the Lord!
The culture is heart sick, so so heart sick. It is empowering to know that we can change generations, it doesn’t have to continue to be this way. Such a great post!
Angela
Yes, Yes, Yes! May our marriages reflect the glory of God to a world in desperate need of seeing it. Also, let us not be ashamed of our far from perfect marriages. Those of us who write and blog about marriage should not tout perfect marriages but messy marriages redeemed for a bigger purpose. Thanks for being such a great light in this world Shelia!
Megan
YES!!! This is EXACTLY why I started a new blog this week dedicated to encouraging young wives to FIGHT for their marriages. I get so discouraged seeing other young marriages (we’ve only been married 8 1/2 yrs) biting the dust; many of them are failing after receiving and believing worldly truth. And even if our marriages aren’t bad, as Paul Tripp writes, “Your marriage may be good, but it is never safe.” We ALL have to work hard every single day!!!
Going to check out your blog right now! I love that Paul Tripp quote – so humbling and TRUE.
I can’t stand the Christian hype around Tim Tebow, because frankly it wouldn’t be there if he weren’t attractive. Not to the degree that it is now. And what does that say? That you’re only worth praising/looking up to if you’re morally sound and dead sexy?
Our culture loves him because he’s a hot and good guy. But we’re still idolizing him for being hot. Even if you say that you, personally aren’t doing so, google search his images and see the types of photos that come up.
Actually, I think the media loves him because he’s hot. I think Christians feel an affinity for him. I know I’ve never really thought twice about whether he was good looking or not (I don’t even have TV, so I read my news rather than watch it). His fame is due to both his faith and his looks; but that just makes him a bigger bull’s eye to the wider society. And that’s why we need to pray for him, because he is in a vulnerable position, whether he’s good looking or not.
Yeah, I actually think that BECAUSE he is so good looking, he is a good role model, too. Let’s face it, if he wasn’t sexually appealing, people would think “well of course he is still a virgin.” Think of all the temptations a man with looks, fame and money must face every day, though. That’s some strong beliefs he must have.
Anon, you are actually proving the point that Sheila here is making. A $1 million reward could not be made for the sweet but nerdy guy next door. They had to target a Christian celebrity with good looks or it would be a pointless publicity stunt. But watch any sitcom or movie and you will see virgins mocked left, right and center, especially Christian virgins. 5,000 years ago Joseph, son of Jacob (Israel) was also a highly respected hottie. Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce hiand destroy his reputation. When he wouldn’t give into her advances, she accused him of attempted rape and he ended up in prison. Tim Tebow has been has a bounty on his head and is thus a targeted rape. The only reason for this is to destroy his Christian reputation and with his, all non-celebrity Christians as well. http://www.bekahferguson.com/content/view/77/1/
excellent!
http://lighthousenetwork.org/2012/04/dr-karl-benzio-to-be-interviewed-on-fox-news-
Love your post ! This link is of my husband speaking on Fox New.com on a few subjects, but also on Tim Tebow. Thought you might be interested! If the link does not work, go to our website and on the right it will show a link to the show that was aired a few weeks ago. Thanks for your posts! Martine
Wow, first time here, and I love your post, Sheila! Well said.
Wow what a wonderful and encouraging blog thanks because after reading your blog I have realized how much our marriage are in danger because the devil does not want to see our marriage succeed that why there is so many dervoces and along the way there are also children invoilved and there are the one that get hurt during the process, I think we must trust God with our marriages let us keep on praying for our marriages and ask God to cover our marriages under the blood of Jesus that even if we have challenges that God will take of those challenges and not give up on our marriages the devil is such a liar,thanks again for this blog because you have open my eyes and I will always fight for my marriage through God.May God Bless you as you keep on saving a lot of marriages out there I am also going to share your link with my friends.
Have you heard about conspiracy theory? This is what you’re claiming! the culture against christian marriages? Conspiracy must be it.
Wrong. the world has its “values” according to its views – they are opposite to Christians by the very nature of belonging to the world and not to God.
And what if Christian marriages don’t get wealthier, healthier, happier in time? What does it mean? Again, a faulty thinking and theology on your part.
And about who you are – in your recent post- that you are not GENTLE, and that you don’t fit he mold: Personalities are diiferent, BUT gentleness and patience and love and the whole fruit of the Spirit (as well as other Christian character traits) should be present in EVERY CHRISTIAN not in some special inclined towards these things.
And from what you write on here, one can definitely see your impatience, boldness, harshness, and view on yourself. Maybe you could reconsider these with God and change for better.
Also, all these stuff about sex…I mean, yeah, there are some good practical tips that Christian married people could use to work better their marriage. But comparing to the Kingdom’s values, isn;’t it a bit strange to invest that time and resources in SEX IN MARRIAGE instead in Christian character and Christian walk in life and married life? I mean, this marriage is momentary (John Piper) although it has its value bot now and in eternity. But it is strange to invest that amount of resources solely on SEX IN MARRIAGE and sooooooooo little on Christian principles and values and character traits.
Think about it. Maybe you and God will change some things.
“And from what you write on here, one can definitely see your impatience, boldness, harshness, and view on yourself. Maybe you could reconsider these with God and change for better.” I daresay, you are projecting.
Cause if you have the mind of Christ, if you develop your character in cristlikeness, than you do find easy to apply these into specifics, like giving yourself sexually out of deepest love and union to your husband, and pray through any physical/emotional/relational problem which could harden the sexual relationship to be resolved between you your husband and God.
Wow, ouch. Have you even been reading Sheila’s blog’s? Do you not know the devil is sneaky, wise and deceptive. Are you married? It doesn’t sound like it. Yes the bible is full of wise and knowlegdable advice. We should use the word to be a lamp unto our feet. But when you are desperate and are wondering Why is sex for me, not what it should be, you can google it, and up pop’s porn, toys, wierd ideas. Look at tv, movies. What is shown. You must live in a box with your bible if you think that the devil is not trying to break up christian marriages. Christain marriage is supposed to be the example of Christ and His saved people. What better way for the devil to make christianity look bad by breaking up the most fundemental, basic structure for all relationships. I am so thankful for the light Sheila has shed on sex in a christian, frank way.
Is Sheila not guiding to God and His answers when she say’s
“And so what is the response? Listen to God. Talk to your mate. Keep him as your best friend, so communication is strong. As much as possible, get rid of negative media. Never be careless. And work to make things better!”
I think that at least in past posts, Sheila has made the strong case that God gave us sex in marriage for a puropse other than just physical pleasure. One could argue that sex in marriage is an important topic to God, as there is an entire book of the Bible dedicated to it (Song of Sol). She also makes a strong case that the state of your sex life is reflective of the state of your marriage and the relationship you have with your husband. Given that God is not supportive of divorce (with few exceptions), I would expect that keeping your marriage strong matters to God– especially when you consider that your marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship of Christ and the church.
There are many, many resources out there that address living a Christ-like life and upholding Christian values. I have found that so many things in the Christian realm focus on those sort of things and despite that, marriages lose their intimacy and depth, making them at higher risk for falling apart.
Sure, maybe saying “Listen to God” is fairly superficial and not very pointed, but this specific post isn’t about how to listen to God in your marriage, it’s about gaurding against evil and about how the culture is so ready to provide that evil. If you want a deeper application of how God fits into your sex life or how God feels about the importance of your sex life from Shiela’s perspective, poke around the rest of the blog, read the 29 Days to Great Sex on here, read her book, etc. If you are thinking more in general, read a study on Song of Solomon.
Values, behaviour and Christ-likeness are certainly important and no one is saying they aren’t. However, to claim that you should work to improve your sex life only when you are moved to do it because of deep love coming out of improving your character, you are thinking about it all backwards. That is denying your responsibility in the bedroom and sounds remarkably like making excuses for not sacrificing yourself to meet your spouse’s needs.
Amen!
Great post. Thanks for posting the link via Twitter. Married 13+ years. I believe this post hits on several great topics. I plan to revisit your blog…often.
I do believe that because it is easier to go with the flow of society, and yes I believe there has been a steady effort to normalize all kinds of behavior that would have been considered shameful just a few decades ago. When the shame and embarrassment over personal behavior disappears, it then becomes “normal” and acceptable.
I have prayed for Tebow, for his fearlessness about his faith, but especially to keep him grounded in humility while folks attempt to both demonize him and idolize him.
Thanks for a real thought provoking post.
A Gal…
Are you only saying this because your marraige is not getting better, happier, and wealthier??? Are you saying that marraiges around you in your chistian world are not getting stronger? Because I see Christian marraiges all around me that have lasted for decades and are getting stronger every year.
What she adresses in the post is biblical. People in the world attack those of Godly character because they are still blinded in the kingdom of darkness. And they are decieved.
Oh BTW. She doesn’t invest all her resources solely in marraige. But maybe she speaks so much on it because there are so many women who need a godly Christian woman to talk about real issues that we face in marraige. And SEX is one of the issues.
Why?
Because we live in a world that has twisted and adulterated sex so it is no longer percieved as what GOD meant it to be.
SEX in MARRAIGE is meant to be like a private playground within the security of privacy fencing which only a wife an husband can play in. SEX in MARRAIGE is designed to be fun, pleasurable, intimate, and completely without shame.
Unfortunately so many women come into marraige not understanding this. And they have questions they seek answers too. So they ask those questions that very few women are willing to answer or address.
SEX was created by GOD! So why would ignoring this important facet of marraige that GOD CREATED for pleasure and intimacy be good and Godly.
Don’t get me wrong. We need to be wives that seek God’s heart, and develop Godly charachter.
But I think that you are missing a very important fact that WE in ourselves can not develop that charachter.
It is a result and the fruit of God and the Holy Spirit working in us and through us.
And one way God works through us is with SEX to minister to our husbands and their needs. But that doesn not mean that when we unite in sexual intimacy to meet our husbands needs, that we have to be boring, dull, and get no pleasure from it either. Sex is to be mutually pleasing to further seal the covenant of marraige.
AMEN
A Gal, I think you have overlooked something here. The calling that Sheila has may indeed be to speak to Christian couples on how sexual intimacy in a Godly marriage “should” be. Have you read her latest book? I have and it really helped my own almost 25 year marriage to be better, specifically in some sexual areas that I was uninformed or misinformed in. Sexual intimacy is the closest thing to the oneness that is represented in the trinity that we can ever accomplish. And marriage is a physical representation of that unity. So, in my opinion, it is a very important area that is often overlooked for many reasons.
Your response here is an attack on Sheila’s character and should be done privately first. I firmly believe that we should work on the fruit of the spirit and yet can still have a louder personality than what we see in others and even what we think we should have. The Lord has definitely helped me to be a bit softer. But, it’s a lifelong process.
As for the Tim Tebow thing… My husband isn’t a football dude and we have no tv for budget and personal reasons. The fact that the world is deliberately trying to sabotage his faith and purity is downright stomach turning for me. But, it is what I expect in our world that has turned its back on the one true living God. But we as Christians should be standing behind this man as an encouragement and praying for him… Not standing along with the world and finding it entertaining.
And, you don’t have to walk out your door to see the whole “conspiracy theory” in action. The world hates the light because they hate Christ… Therefor they are out to destroy what they feel is an intimidation to them. That doesn’t mean that we are to respond any differently than Christ would or as He has called us to in His word. Every aspect of marriage is important. Some folks are gifted or called to speak about a certain portion… Others are called to other areas. My husband and I are called to a different area entirely, but appreciate what folks like Sheila bring when they point us to God’s Word in this often overlooked aspect of Christian Marriage.
Someday in the future, I suggest Tebow’s wife put in for that $1 million dollar reward. It would make a nice honeymoon present, don’t you think?
I absolutely agree. I often hear Christians completely misrepresented in what we believe. There is a mistaken presumption that we are uptight, sexless prudes who have no compassion for the hurting. Nothing could be further from the truth. We need to stand up for what we do believe and demonstrate by our words, our actions, and our marriages that God’s way is best.
Thank you so much, Sheila, for speaking out. I’m sure you are personally attacked at times, but you are going to look fabulous wearing that crown in heaven. Keep it up!
You crack me up! And you are SO right!
Absolutely! We forgot that there’s a spiritual battle going on at ALL times. Well said, Sheila. Thanks for telling it like it is.
I saw that news item as well and was so saddened by it. I’ve been feeling really down about all the smut in our culture. I’ve had to take a break from listening to the news.
Oh dear, my blog is not at blotspot.com for heavens sake. Sorry for the typo.
Dana,
read again what I said.
And just to make sure I express myself better: I was referring to inward change (growth in character and Christlikeness) that leads naturally to outward godly behavior (fulfilling needs, service, unconditional love and for sure sex life within marriage). This is as far as I know the only true lasting change, in any behavior (like sexual behavior with your spouse).
But it seems that Sheila loves to gives endless notes and tips on positions, sex at inlaws, etc etc arousal techniques etc etc except giving a biblical mentality and principle about godly marriage, and developing the chracter traits that would lead to application in any area of Christian life – sex included.
So I’m curious, then: where should women go if they want to know how to make sex work better physically? Should they go to a secular source? Or should they just ignore the issue altogether?
As for sex at your in-laws, I believe you’re referring to this post, which is a reader question of the week I threw up for others to chime in on how to keep your sex life alive if you have to live with your parents. Do you not think that’s a valid concern for Christian couples? After all, I received three emails about it in the course of just one week, and it was a reader question that I threw up there.
As for the idea that I’m promulgating a conspiracy theory, I’d just point you to 1 Peter 5:8, that the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. And I’d point you to Ephesians 6, that tells us that we are in a battle. A large part of that battle is for marriage. Just look at the social breakdown that is going on around us because marriages are failing.
Sex is a huge part of marriage, and for many Christians, it isn’t working well. Many couples aren’t making love often at all. And that’s dangerous.
And so I’m here to help people rediscover that intimacy.
I’m sorry you don’t see a need for it; but I do believe that the vast majority of Christians do, and I also believe that it’s a very biblical position, given both the book Song of Solomon and the admonition in Titus for women to mentor younger women. I’ve been married for 20 years, and I’m trying to help others sort of their issues. I’m sorry that you don’t see the need for it, but I believe that I am following God’s calling, and if you could see the emails I get from grateful women, perhaps you’d understand better.
Well said, Sheila.
I came across your blog during the 29 Days series and have read so much of it. I think that the issue of making your sex life a priority is one that is often lost in church circles and even when it is talked about, it is extremely awkward. Your blog is the first place (despite a decade of doing marriage Bible and christian book studies) that has put the importance of sex into such plain terms. I appreciate that you point out that we are not just supposed to put out, but to do so with passion. It’s a lot easier to find the passion when you allow yourself to get into it too and figure out how to work around problems.
I do believe that you are called to speak on these issues and the forum in whch you do it is perfect for the often shy wife. You have had a HUGE (positive) impact in my marriage and on my attitude and I deeply believe that my accidental stumble onto the blog was a God thing.
I’m sorry that people attack you (or maybe they just don’t understand). Know that there are many of us out here who love that we have you (virtually) walking with us in our marriages. Thank you for all that you do!
I think something that’s important to remember is that God uses people in time and history to change us. God used David to save Israel from the Philistines; He used Deborah to encourage Barak against Sisera, but then delivered Sisera into the hands of Jael (a woman); He used Paul to minister to the Gentiles; and many, many more. I think something that is often forgotten in Christian circles is that God brings people in our lives to help us through trouble, or rejoice with us, or correct us. It is God who is changing us, but He uses an instrument to do that–to prick our conscience or ease our pain. My mom, my sisters, my pastor, the random Mom I’ve only seen twice in our homeschool group, my upstairs neighbor, my Dad the pastor, my mother-in-law, and my dear husband (and the list could go on and on) have all been used at various points in my life. And now I can add Sheila to that list too. God used her to help me. I am most grateful to Him first, and then to her.
Thank you!
You know… it is very interesting…
Because if you READ the SONG OF SOLOMON it does mention physical attributes too. Does it describe specific sex positions? No. But it is very sexual and instructive in love. And yes it is arousing!!
So if God didn’t want us talking about it as an issue today, why would he put it in the bible as an issue back then? Hmmm???
God uses the Holy Spirit. But the Holy Spirit works through people, like Shelia… to help others connect and deal with practical parts of our lives. Got wants us to have “Titus 2” women in our lives to mentor us to love our husbands and children. And sexual relationships is a part of us loving our husbands.
It is the Holy Spirit that brings about real change. We can’t produce the lasing fruit. Only God can. And some times he uses others in our lives to help bring about that change.
I thank GOD for Shelia… and that she is willing to talk about the nitty gritty issues. We are women. We are a whole person. Spirit. Soul. and Physical. And GOD cares for each and every part of us. Not just the spiritual part of us.
God cares enough to number the hairs on your head, I think He would also care about the sexual health of a wife with her husband…. in the spiritual and the physical aspect.
As for the others who rushed to reply to me……you simply put your ideas, and emotions into action …you don’t seem even trying to understand the argument I am making.
For sure, anyone commenting differently Sheila’s ideas and practices, as well as probably your own (adopted probably from Sheila and other writers), would be put to that treatment. That speaks tones about yourselves, and also about myself.
A gal, this was mentioned on the Facebook Page in response to your comments, and I think it’s important. You’ll notice that more than half of people who comment here leave their full names, or their websites, so they’re not doing so anonymously. When you make very negative comments anonymously, so that your identity is protected, it’s easy to say things much more vehemently than if you were to do so with your actual name.
No one minds disagreement, but you seem to have a habit of coming here and lashing out in a personal way on various posts. I believe the Christian thing to do would be to do so with your own name, not anonymously. And then perhaps you’d be more inclined to speak in love when you disagree, rather than speak so harshly. Just a thought.
By the way, I have no problem with anonymous commenters; the nature of my blog is that often people HAVE to be anonymous. But there was no need for this particular comment (or others than you left here) to be anonymous unless you wanted to say harsh things that couldn’t be traced back to you.
It’s interesting that you say that all of us are responding “emotionally”. And that we are “rushing” to reply. I’ve been thinking on this all day. This response is not rushed nor is it emotional.
My ideas and practices were adopted from the Bible. Not just Sheila’s. No just other writers. From the Bible.
I think that just blew your fallacy out of the water.
I understand your “viewpoint” completely. But you seem to be stuck on the point that the inner part of us is the only thing that God is concerned with. And that is a wrong mindset.
Yes He wants inward change. But that is not the only aspect of our lives that God cares about. If that were not true… He would “bring us home” right when we become new Creations in Christ and our spirits are changed in an instant.
God cares for each and every detail of our lives. Inward and outward. Spiritual and physical.
Godly inward change is translated into external change – in every area of life. That;s all. that;s why it is crucial to place the focus where it should be, so that real change could happen by the work of the Holy Spirit.
So could you answer if you are married and engaged in marital christian sex?
Godly INNER change is what drew me to seeking out someone just like Sheila who could explain things that no one else around me could or would about sexual issues I had experienced in my life. Sheila’s book (and a couple of others) along with the Bible and prayer with my husband were integral in me making some changes that are both Godly AND pleasing to my husband.
My husband and I love Jesus above all else, have been married for nearly 25 years, have six children, are active in ministry and give marriage counseling. But, there were still things that we struggled with.
If your problem is that you don’t feel that she is pointing enough to the foundational issues, then you are only seeing what you want to see and nothing is going to change that. There ARE plenty of people who are guided by the Lord to teach those very things. That is what THEY are called to do.
Anonymity is NOT an excuse to attack someone’s character or freedom to make broad generalities that are meant to inflame others.
AMEN Tiffani!
I am trying to see where you are coming from?
Thank you for this. It’s good to be reminded that we have to fight back and stand up for marriage and family in such a culture. And that we’re not the only ones doing so.
Sheila, you have encouraged me in so many ways to be a godly wife… and now I find myself in a deep dark hole since my hitherto godly husband recently “fell in love” with a much younger woman. Thank you for reminding me of the enemy’s vested interest in destroying Christian marriage, and please PLEASE pray for us. 🙁
Oh, no. I’m so sorry. I will certainly lift you both up in prayer.
🙁
Hey Sheila,
When you said you had some attack mail, I went looking but didn’t really see anything from an enemy per se, just someone trying to express themselves. I thought you had some good old worldly hate mail or something.
Anyway, the curious thing about being in Christian ministry is that we tend to get more opposition from inside the Church than from outside. I’ve been emailing back and forth with a listener lately who is going around saying to people that UCB Canada is not a real Christian radio station, that we promote heresy, that our music is fluff and that some of our prizes are “sewage” (his word). Other than all that, he thinks we’re ok. He likes our hymns show (I host it, so I’m feeling pretty good right about now.)
Your topic may not be top of mind with everyone but people need to realize that the enemy of our souls has done his destructive best in the world of sexuality. It’s been distorted and perverted eight ways to Sunday. The world’s view and marketing of sex is huge money and power. Keep challenging that. Tell the world it’s wrong. Keep showing them what’s right. Be bold. God bless.
Al
Sheila–I appreciate your position, especially the bounty on Tim Tebow. However, I disagree with the blame on the “culture”. We, every single one of us, are the culture. Divorce is prevalent among people who attend church regularly. Pornography is rampant, not just in the secular world. We do a horrible job teaching young people about how to be married. And the ongoing support for married couples is limited. You do an excellent job providing positive information about marriage and how to be successful at it. Those of us who believe in the positives of marriage need to band together and keep speaking out. The “culture” isn’t some amorphous thing that is out to get us. It is our friends, neighbors, relatives, and coworkers who don’t know what to do when their marriages aren’t everything they want them to be.
This article grabbed my attention and I have re-read it several times. It makes a very interesting, relevant point, however, I keep coming back to it wishing that you’d elaborated some more. Your point isn’t as well-argued as it could be. I think you need to explore further the question of why the culture has it in for our marriages. There’s the old “third-grade name-caller” explanation of why people call you names in elementary school (they have to tear you down to feel good about themselves). But, I think the problem is a little more complex than you make it sound. The intense sexuality that we’re surrounded by isn’t so much out to get married people as it is generated by people who are thoughtless in whom they hurt. I think our popular culture also has an obsession with choice and change, which doesn’t fit in well to worship of a monotheistic God, and a marriage that doesn’t modify its rules as needed doesn’t fit in well to that. Also, I think in a world when choice and change is the favorite thing to do, a stable married couple make life a little difficult by reducing prospects, but I don’t think what I’ve listed is enough to inspire a campaign against us.
If you want to make this argument stronger, you need to ask, “If we succeed, what bad thing happens to the haters? What, specifically, are they afraid of?”