Every Friday my syndicated column appears in a bunch of newspapers in southeastern Ontario and Saskatchewan. And–gasp!–sometimes I actually write about stuff other than sex. I haven’t been running my columns for the last month on this blog because I was writing the 29 Days to Great Sex, but I thought it’s time to begin again. So here’s this week’s:
When I was in grade school, I remember glancing through a Christmas catalogue only to be stopped in my tracks by a watch that had an actual TV on it. You could enjoy Gilligan’s Island instead of having to listen at school! I thought that was the absolutely coolest possible thing in the world.
Now our phones give us instant access to television, movies, and YouTube videos, because you never know when the urge to see Charlie Bit Me, a Sneezing Baby Panda, or a Baby Sloth Get a Bath will strike. The average well off family twenty years ago owned a camera, a video camera, a set of encyclopedias, an atlas, a phone book, a CD player, a calculator, a video game system, lots of photo albums, and many more items that would have cost, altogether, at least several thousand dollars. All of those things are available on a smart phone for just a few hundred.
Phones have revolutionized the way that we interact, but personally, I can’t keep up. I don’t know if it’s my age, but I cannot grow accustomed to having a cell phone. Half the time I forget to bring it with me. When I do bring it along, it’s often out of battery. I know you’re supposed to carry it for safety reasons, but if I were ever in trouble, my only recourse would be to bean some mugger on the side of the head with it. And as someone who can type over one hundred words a minute, I grow really frustrated trying to text.
Besides, I just don’t like talking on the phone very much, and the fact that people can now talk to me while I’m grocery shopping seems a little disconcerting. I don’t even like the telephone much when I’m at home, largely because of the tension phone calls bring.
When the phone rings in our house, we all freeze. Then we wait to see if it’s going to ring again, hoping against hope that another family member actually picked it up. When the second ring comes, we all spring into action, running frantically searching for the sound, which could be emanating from under couch cushions, in laundry baskets or on the stairs.
When the phone finally stops ringing because none of us managed to find it before voice mail picked up, my daughters and I hang our heads in shame, waiting for the lecture from the sole male in our household, who cannot figure out why, in a house with three phones, we seem incapable of replacing the phone onto its base when we are finished talking.
Of course, women understand the reason. It’s because when I talk on the phone, I multitask. I make dinner. I fold laundry. I make beds. And then, when I’m finished with the conversation, the phone gets left wherever I last was, only to cause more trouble for me the next time it rings. Personally, I prefer email. After all, I can’t lose my computer in the laundry.
Besides, phone calls have always seemed to me to be rather rude. If I’m in the middle of a conversation with my daughter, why should a phone call asking if I have any old clothes I’d like to donate take precedence? If I’m finally enjoying some time to myself to read, why should I have to jump up and find the phone?
I’m seriously thinking of getting rid of my home phone altogether, because 75% of my phone calls are from telemarketers, and another 20% are from people who want me to do something I’d rather not do. Only 5% are really from friends. I can talk to them anyway, if I could ever remember to charge my cell phone. I think I’ll go do that now, before the phone rings again.
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And if you miss my regular posts on sex, here are some popular ones from last month:
16 Ways to Flirt with Your Husband
5 Ways to Spice Things Up
Starting Fresh
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I am pretty sure your hubby and I would get along very well!
Dear? Why is the phone NEVER on it’s stand?? 😉
Hahaha!!!
I used to feel the same way you do. Then I liberated myself from any perceived obligation to the phone. If the house phone rang back when I lived in the States, and I didn’t feel like answering it, I just let the machine get it. Now I do tend to answer it because so few people actually have this number! But if my mobile rings, I look to see who’s calling. If it’s my husband, I answer. If it’s someone I want to talk to right then and I’m not in the middle of anything, I answer. Otherwise … well, now I guess I do tend to answer, because I don’t have voice mail here … ok, I guess what I’m saying is that when I still lived in the U.S., where I had answering machines and voicemail, I felt no obligation whatsoever to answer the phone. If it was important, they’d leave a message. I’d listen to it within a reasonable amount of time (often immediately or within an hour), and if it was important, I’d call back immediately. If it wasn’t important, I’d call back when I had time (I did always try to return the call within 24 hours or so, as a matter of courtesy).
So if you feel obligated to the phone right now, it isn’t because you actually *are* obligated to it. You really aren’t–just set up an answering machine on your home phone and voice mail on your mobile, and listen and respond to your messages in what feels to you like a reasonable time.
But do yourself a favor–if you get rid of the home phone, keep your mobile charged and on you. You don’t want your husband to try to contact you and be unable to do so, or your daughters if they’re not with you and they experience an emergency.
Sheila, I had to “lol” at our difference in perspective on cell phones. I forgot my cell phone at home last week for the first time in years, and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. Fortunately my husband was with me and we had his phone, so I calmed myself down easily enough and laughed over how silly it was to feel so attached to a cell phone. If I had been alone, I would have turned around for it. We gave up a home phone several years ago (even when we lived in a rural house that didn’t get cell service, gasp!) because we just didn’t use it enough to justify the cost.
My phone has truly reduced my stress level and stay-at-home-mom loneliness. I use the free voice navigation tool ALL the time, especially since we moved to a new state recently; not knowing how to get somewhere used to cause me a great deal of anxiety, but now I never worry about it. I use an app to map my bike rides with the kids (I now have a bicycle instead of a second car); I love seeing where we’ve ridden, and the security of knowing I can find my way home when we go exploring (almost every day). I took a year’s worth of “Project Life” pictures with my cell, recording my family’s daily life — though my reward for completing an entire year was to buy a used but nice D-SLR camera to chronicle another year. I keep an ongoing list of tasks I need to complete on my phone, update my grocery list, keep up with my e-mail, listen to music and podcasts and audiobooks, check my google calendar, even track my menstrual cycle. So maybe it isn’t sooo silly to feel lost without it… 🙂
Funny, Megan! I think my problem is I need a better phone. I’m hinting that my husband should buy me an iPhone for my birthday, and then maybe I’d be in love with it! But I think I will get rid of my home phone pretty soon…that seems to be the consensus!
A couple of smartphone tips — the iPhone is a great phone, but I recommend that you at least consider a Motorola android-based phone. Some of the features I use most on my DROID X are free for me but would cost extra/month on an iPhone. And regarding the battery – you’ll have to get used to plugging it in every night. And the best accessory purchase I made was a spare battery I keep charged and in my purse (it was $9 on amazon).
Thanks, Megan! My husband charges his every night; I guess I could just do the same (or get him to charge it for me! :).
Just a suggestion… my wife and I each have charge cords on our respective sides of the bed. As we climb into bed we plug our phones in and put them on silent. It’s one of our nightly rituals just before hitting the pillows.
I have trouble remembering to charge my cell phone too, and I forget it in the van or at home often, so my husband still can’t get in touch with me. I would be perfectly fine without it, but I keep it around for my family’s sake. We haven’t had a house phone for a long time and I don’t miss it, although we will probably have to buy cell phones for all of our kids once they get old enough.
I feel that my phone is for ME to keep in touch with the people I love, conduct personal business, and have in case of emergency. It is not so that others can reach me at any time or any place, and I am not apologetic about it. Many people feel that this is inconsiderate, and maybe it is, but I really enjoy the simplicity of not being tied to my phone at all times and not feeling guilty about missing phone calls…that’s what voicemail is for isn’t it?
oh this made me laugh. I hope you have a hefty cell phone for appropriate “beaning on the head of said attacker”
We dumped our landline last summer and moved to cell phones with Koodo instead. We now save over $50 a month, and still have unlimited minutes and texting. Love it! No more hounding the husband — “Don’t go over your minutes!” and no more paying for a landline we hardly ever use! With both our family living far away, we are thankful for a way to keep in touch with them.
Some of what you said is why I have a cell phone. First, no house phone! Yea! Second, I can see if its hubby calling, or someone I know and I will happily ignore (and turn off the ring) for those I just don’t want to answer. I can see, Oh, its Dad… I’ll call him back in a few minutes as I’m changing a diaper now. Third, if I’m running late from the grocery store, I can call Hubby and tell him, so he doesn’t stand around wondering where I’m at. One time, I had my phone turned down and in my purse (not pocket) and was an hour late to pick up Hubby. He was in a panic when I got there, wondering why he couldn’t reach me and where I was. But I am under no obligation to answer the phone. And i can turn off the ringer, which I can do with a land line (but then, there could be some new technology in land line phones…. its been nearly 10 years since I’ve had a land line!).
Oh, yeah, free long distance!
PS. I have an old school cell phone… not a ‘smart phone’. Texting is lots of trouble, so it rarely gets done, anyway — only is special circumstances (plus it costs extra — old school)
You really made me laugh with this one.
I’m kind of similar. I type really fast, so texting can be frustrating and I don’t like talking on the phone much either, but because I don’t hear very well, texting is very useful…I just can’t stand those ridiculous abbreviations people use. My children have explicit orders never to text something like “where ru” to me.
I know exactly what you mean. I hate the no punctuation thing, too!
Oh my goodness, Shelia! Reading your post was like you were sitting in my life. I am not much of a phone person either except when I can catch up with family and friends. And cell phones have been a real struggle for me as well. I was quite fond of my little old Nokia and while the other members of the family were upgrading to ‘better’ phones I was hanging on to my old reliable. Then one day the cell company said that my phone would no longer be able to recieve calls and I was forced to ‘up-grade’. So I was convinced to try a ‘smart’ phone. Started with a Palm Pre and struggled for three months to answer the the thing when it rang, if it would ring in the first place. (That model had issues.) So they kindly introduced me to the Android Eras. I thought it was pretty cool that I could check FB and go on line while waiting for the kids. But then I could never figure out how to unlock the thing fast enough to answer a call before it went to voice mail. And I felt like I needed a degree in engineering just ot make a call. Like you, more often than not I forgot to charge it or put it in my purse when I left the house, or if I did put it in my purse I would forget to take it out to charge again and it would be found dead in my handbag. Mercifully, the contract ran out and I was able to get a good ole ‘dumb’ phone now, no bells or whistles to speak of, but I can actually answer and make calls if the need arises.
And I don’t know about you, but it seems to me that any phone seems to sit silent until you are either heading out the door, are up to your elbows in something, or at the checkout counter of a store. Guess we shouldn’t complain too loudly though. Sure beats smoke signals. 🙂
Thanks for bring a smile to my face today. (Hope I wasn’t too long winded-you just provoked me. lol)
We do not have a home phone anymore either, and when we did it was mostly for Hubby’s business and fax. No more, it was always telemarketers anyway. We all have cells and can get each other when needed. Love my Android, I can email, text and check any online site I want to, couldn’t do that with a landline! 🙂
I’ve learned to love my cell phone. And my hubby finally convinced me to get rid of the land line. As someone else who types around 100 wpm, I can honestly say that the Qwerty keyboard is a must for me. I hate typing on touchscreens. Besides chatting on the phone, I’m in love with my navigation app (naturally terrible with directions and, like a guy, I never ask); texting; and Words with Friends. 🙂
You said it, sister! I HATE talking on the phone. I’ll email someone all day long, but could go a month without making a phone call to chit chat.
I carry a blackberry, supplied by my employer. Prior to that, I had my own personal one, which I was required to have for my previous job, but on both of them, my favourite feature remains the ‘off’ button. Neither of us makes many calls on the cell phones, and we don’t ‘text.’ We do use BBM on occasion, but even that is pretty rare. We do keep the land line at home, however, as we have an international long-distance plan that comes in pretty handy.