I received this note in part of an email from reader Carol, who is 64 years old and has been married for 45 years to “her best friend”. She writes:
My #1 suggestion for strengthening a marriage:
My husband and I pray together as a couple when we wake up in the morning and when we go to bed. We do it in bed. It will bless your heart when you hear your spouse pray for you by name and pray for something that is happening in your life.
One of our assistant ministers told us about this when we were taking a Bible Study course from her. We have been praying together like this for over ten years. When my husband told me that I had morning, I thought it was a conspiracy against me! I have learned to be more of a morning person because I take this task as an important one.
He prays at night. If he has already gone to sleep before me, he turns over when I turn out my light, grabs my hand & starts praying. We hold hands when we pray be it in church, at meals or during our prayer time together. We do not miss very many days or nights of praying together, praying for each of our family members by name, but the sweetest part is when he mentions my name. I also learn what he is concerned about: work, health, friends, etc. when he mentions them in his prayers. This act of praying together for our children, grandchildren, aging parents and concerns about our life along with praises for what the Lord has done that day has strengthen our marriage in such a way that I cannot imagine. Sometimes it is still difficult to wake up and pray at 6 AM, but very much worth it.
We have been married 45 years. Our grown daughters know we pray for them, their spouses and children daily, and that is powerful.
That’s beautiful. I have nothing to add.
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And don’t forget that my new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, has lots of great tips not just on how to build your physical intimacy, but also on how to build your spiritual intimacy (which makes the physical even more stupendous!).
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
It is beautiful and it is the key to longevity.
What i like about this is one may start praying while the other is asleep, but they join hands and continue.
It’s so natural, as it should be.
And i know from experience, once you start doing this its easier.
And we think men are so tough (in terms of their exterior) but my husband has shared with me what a difference it makes to him hear me pray for him.
nylse recently posted…MORE – Sharing My Faith
I know! I love what she said about how special it is to hear her husband pray for her by name. I find that, too. When my husband says my name in prayer, I melt.
This post came out at the perfect time! My husband and I just got married in February and he is currently deployed for the Army. We are trying to come up with new and different ways to connect from a distance and last night I suggested that we choose a time each day to pray–that way at the same time every day even if we aren’t able to talk we will know we are both thinking about each other and praying for our marriage and others as well. He LOVES the idea. The thing is, he’s a Christian and I am just starting to explore God and Faith. I am really finding a connection with your blog and I love it! Thank you!
That’s beautiful, Kristin! I think when you pray like that, you’ll start to really feel God, too. And thank you for your service to all of us. And thank your husband, too! I am in awe of the sacrifices that families like yours make, and very appreciative.
Kristin, that is a great way to stay in touch with your spouse when he is over seas. I too am a military wife, for 21 years and have found this is essential for us to remain connected with each other. Another thing that we found that helped, when the weather was warm, to go outside and pray as we gazed at the moon. The exciting part was that no matter where you are in the world, there is only one moon. It seemed to bridge the gap of the distance so much more.
I will be praying for the time to go quickly for the two of you, and that during this tour not only will things go well, but that you will find the eternal peace that comes from having Christ in your life.
Tammy, you guys are such an awesome couple! I do hope Steeve doesn’t have to deploy again soon, but I suppose God may have other plans for him.
Anyway, next time I look at the moon I’ll pray for you and remember you guys! I still hope to get out and see you in May… 🙂
Thank you Tammy! I truly appreciate your kind words. I will suggest that to my husband and I know he will think it’s a great idea.
In the marriage life it is important to put God in the center of the relationship in order to have prosper relationship and longevity of the relationship as well. I am happy to know that at the age of more than 60 their faith to God are very strong.
Nicholle Olores recently posted…Timber Doors – The Perfect Choice for Your Home
Made me cry… prayer, what better gift can we give to those we lost the most?
peace~elaine
elaine @ peace for the journey recently posted…In the Olive Press with Jesus {part seven: Doing Grief}
I’ve been receiving emails from people saying, “I have trouble making up prayers on the spot and praying out loud”. That’s quite common! So here are two books I’ve been recommending: Stormie Omartian wrote A Little Book of Powerful Prayers, and here’s a Kindle version of 500 prayers from the old Book of Common Prayer (which are all quite beautiful). Hope that helps!
Prayer is our communicating with God — talk to Him as if He were sitting right next to you! Speak in your own language/mannerisms – you don’t need any pre-written prayers to recite – just talk. Begin by praying out loud alone and then move on to praying with only one friend or your husband, then a small group, etc. There’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of — just speak to Him as you would your dearest friend, because that’s what He is and He wants to hear from YOU – not a pre-written prayer.
I’d agree, Becky, but some people, especially from liturgical backgrounds, are more comfortable with written prayers. I’m more the “talk to God myself” person, too, but if you genuinely mean the words, I don’t think written prayers are bad, and if they can help some people feel more comfortable praying who are just scared to pray out loud, I say, go for it!
A nice middle ground is to write out a prayer yourself that you would then say on multiple occasions. That’s how I started praying out loud. In this case, the subject would obviously be your marriage and immediate family, although in my case it was a ministry I was leading where I needed to step up to the plate. But if it’s something you’re going to be praying about multiple times, a paragraph or two that is really heartfelt can be helpful. Of course, God moves in mysterious ways, and in my particular case, after a month or a month and a half of reading the prayer out loud every week, I then “forgot” my notebook. So, I improvised using the sorts of things that were in the written prayer, and then all of a sudden I could do it; not just in that circumstance, but in others, too. So, writing your own prayer that you read out loud could be really helpful to get you ‘over the hump’ as it were.
I have to say I completely agree with this post. There is nothing more special than the time that you can spend in prayer with your spouse. I love, Carol, that you each take a specific time during the day to pray for each other together. For the longest time, my husband and I would pray together but often it was just him praying. In the last couple of years, I too have been praying out loud for him. I find it so interesting that you love hearing your spouse pray for you by name. That is definitely my delight as well. A couple of years ago, I realized that if I loved hearing it, that I am sure that my husband also loved to be prayed for by name. My husband will say to this day, that it was at that point in our marriage that we became the closest we have ever been. What an awesome gift we have to be able to pray for each other.
Back in the beginning of February, my boyfriend and I attended a marriage conference and they told us to pray over our spouses, commenting that some women had never had their husbands pray over them- that broke my heart. I know that that’s true, but that didn’t make me ache any less. More, if anything!Â
This just made my heart feel so good. I’m 19 years old, and pray with my boyfriend on a daily Sometimes it’s over the phone, but often we are afforded the luxury of being able to pray in person. Either way, it is my FAVORITE part of the day, and such a blessing to my soul. I love hearing him pray for me, and being able to pray for him. Even when we’re extremely busy, this is the best way for us to keep priorities straight in our relationship and also to keep us in touch with each other.
God has granted more than I could ask for! I’m so glad to hear of other people being blessed and bathed in prayer 🙂
Ariana, that’s wonderful! I’ve been telling my girls lately, don’t marry someone who says they’re a Christian but who can’t pray with you! So that’s wonderful that you have that.
This gave me such peace and comfort. Tonight my husband started working 12 hour shifts and will do so 3-4 days a week. We prayed together before he left this evening, but when he did I felt a sadness in my heart knowing when I roll over he won’t be there while I’m sleeping. But one of the biggest things I’ll miss is Adam holding my head and hand and praying over me before I sleep. Even so, I know that my God is still watching over both of us.
We’ve been praying together since we started dating and hardly ever miss a night. This is a good challenge to start praying together more regularly in the morning, and I think now since he’ll be coming back early in the morning, it’ll motivate me to pray for him. I agree the sweetest part is when he says my name and I’m going to thank him for his diligence and thoughtfulness when he prays for me. Thank you so much for sharing this – what a wonderful blessing!
Hannah Williams recently posted…I’ve Got Joy Down in My Heart
We keep starting to pray together, then it goes to only me praying, and then I finally end up praying in my head just so I won’t bother him. I hate the feeling that I’m nagging him to pray. I don’t understand why he wouldn’t want to also. I just hope our marriage will survive without both of us praying together.
Sis recently posted…Negging Within A Marriage
God find it in your heart to lead my husband and I to excellent communciation. He yells, screams 90 percent of the time. I get upset and hurt. Let him see how he is hurting me. He also says mean stuff to me in front of our kids which is embrassing and uncall for. Let him see only me in his eyes and let us both communciation with caring, love, respect and truthfully. Amen!
I really do appreciate this slot on prayers. My husband is really good at it, but I am trying to balance off somehow. Knowing that there are ladies like me that connect this well with God makes me want to do better.. thanks alot. Luv this blog!