It’s Day 3 of the 29 Days to Great Sex series, and today we’re going to talk about accepting your body.
29 Days to Great Sex is a series I’m writing leading up to the release of my book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. (Update: Now available!)
So far we’ve looked at the purpose of sex and the lies we sometimes believe about sex, because we can’t have great sex if our heads aren’t in the game! If we’re feeling lousy about sex, that will overflow into how we experience sex.
Later this month we’ll be talking about how to reach orgasm, and how to make foreplay great, and how to get “in the mood”, and all kinds of other steamy things. Today, though, before we get to how to make sex feel great, let’s start with something fundamental we women need to deal with first: how we feel in our own skin. To address that, I’ve asked Julie Sibert from Intimacy in Marriage, another Christian marriage blog, to guest post for us and talk about accepting your body.
Here’s Julie:
If you are like a lot of women, you possibly glimpse in the mirror and aren’t completely thrilled with all that is reflected back.
I get it.
Two babies camped out in my body on separate occasions and didn’t exactly leave the campsite pristine when they left. Even if I had never carried, birthed and nursed those two babies, my body still would not be spared from the effects of time. No matter what anyone says, 40 is not the new 30. And 30 is not the new 20.
Unless we are spending countless hours at the gym, many of us just aren’t going to have the bodies we desire. The downside to all this?
We increasingly become uncomfortable in our own skin.
Sadly, we gaze at the magazine covers and we subtly wish, wonder and worry. “Am I attractive?! Is that even possible?”
And if that’s how many women feel being taunted by magazine covers at the grocery store, it’s no surprise what insecurities creep in when they get naked with their husbands.
I’ve written and spoken about sex long enough to know that some of you don’t even get completely naked when you have sex. I’ve known women who will only have sex buried beneath covers with the lights out, so that even in the most intimate of situations, their husband cannot “see” their body.
Can you relate?
Take heart. I’m here to say that sexual intimacy doesn’t have to be this way.You do not have to be held hostage by your body (or even by the perception you may have of your body). Though I’ve struggled at times with my body (which, even on my best days, is far from Photoshop perfection), I’ve learned a lot about what makes sex amazing.
A good place to start?
Agree with God that He did indeed design sex to be intensely pleasurable and bonding. Genuinely agree, don’t just roll your eyes and toss God a half-hearted, “Sure God. Whatever you say.”
As I have often noted, sex (including orgasm!) was God’s idea. Imagine that! Such intense indescribable pleasure and bonding is the handiwork of the Maker of the universe.
It’s His gift to your husband. It’s His gift to you.
Embracing all sex can be, though, cannot happen if you do not get over this hang up about your body.
My educated guess is that this is exactly what your husband wants for you as well. It’s not so hard for him to see past society’s high emphasis on looks, because frankly, this seems to be a campaign waged mostly toward women. You could learn a few things from the way your husband more intuitively recognizes that hot people do not have better sex (at least not simply because they are hot).
When husbands email me or comment on my blog, a common thread I hear is that most husbands want their wives to enjoy sex – and to know that they (the husbands) find their wives attractive – wrinkles, stretch marks, extra pounds and all. “Sexy” is a state of mind, and it certainly is not reserved for only a select few. If you have an attitude of sexiness, this will begin to spill over in your actions.
I can hear some of you right now saying, “Well that’s all fine and dandy, Julie, but how do I do that? How do I enjoy sex with the body I have instead of waiting for the body I want?”
I know accepting your body is hard, but here are my three suggestions:
1. Spend more time on foreplay, especially foreplay that gives your husband free rein to caress every inch of your body.
Note to all you husbands: Spend ample time caressing and massaging her back, feet, legs, arms and scalp before you move toward caressing her breasts and inner thighs. Don’t rush foreplay.
Note to all you wives: Focus on these sensations and lean into them. Allow yourself to feel pleasure from your husband’s touch. If you find yourself feeling self-conscious about your body, take those thoughts captive and re-direct your heart and mind back to what feels good about your husband’s touch.
And by all means, communicate to him what you like – and encourage him to tell you what he likes. Finding this kind of freedom will heighten the emphasis on your connection, while lessening your concerns about your body.
2. Use a nightstand lamp or candle to bring soft light into the room when you make love.
No need to have the overhead light on bright, because let’s face it, that can be fairly annoying.
But I do think getting comfortable making love with at least some light will allow you and your husband both to become more comfortable seeing each other’s bodies.
I would encourage you as well to nurture what is arousing about this. Seeing each other’s bodies lends itself to seeing arousal, which can intensify the pleasure.
It grieves me greatly when I hear wives who have resigned themselves to the idea that “sex is for him” or that her pleasure “just isn’t that important.”
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think that is a tactic of Satan to diminish what God clearly intended for good.
Why not be a wife who not only values and nurtures intimacy, but also relishes in the benefits of sexual pleasure? I’m telling you, it does a marriage good to look forward to being one with that guy who stood with you at the altar.
If we’re feeling lousy about sex or our body, that will overflow into how we experience sex.
3. Recognize societal lies about body image for what they are – manipulative attempts to sell products.
Here’s the deal. The magazine covers, TV ads and scantily dressed models aren’t going away. So you can either continue to hold yourself up to those images (which will continue to leave you feeling diminished) or you can do the wiser thing and begin to see yourself as beautiful.
I truly believe that as you grow in sexual confidence, you and your husband will explore different techniques, positions and touches that will keep that momentum going. Sex will be sacred and fun. Endearing and invigorating.
“Sexy is as sexy does.” (Yeah, that’s a slight modification from the original quote, but you get the point).
Enjoy sex with the body you have. Don’t wait for the body you want.
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at Intimacy in Marriage. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband, their two boys and one rambunctious German Shorthair Pointer puppy who refuses to stay in the fence.
Thanks, Julie! Great advice. And keep what she said about foreplay in mind, because that’s a theme we’re going to keep returning to that the next few weeks.
So here’s your challenge for the day to help in accepting your body:
Great Sex Challenge 3: Name the 5 Features you Like Best About Your Body.
And you must name 5! 3 or 4 aren’t good enough. All of us can name 5 that we hate; today, name 5 that you love. Write them down! (this is important; otherwise we may rush through and not really name 5). Share them with your husband, and ask him to give them some special attention (and husbands, show your wife you love those parts of her body, too!). Then have some fun dressing up those parts of your body. Do you like your breasts? Stand naked in front of your husband, wearing nothing but a long, dangly necklace. Do you like your hips? Take some lipstick and draw a little heart tattoo to surprise your husband. Do you like your eyes? Put on some mascara. Have fun with your body. And for the next week, tell yourself, over and over again, “I love my breasts. I love my eyes. I have amazing feet.” Let’s say something positive, rather than something negative!
Coming tomorrow: Pucker Up!
This 29 Days to Great Sex series has been turned into an e-book!
Do you want MORE for your sex life?
The 31 Days to Great Sex Challenge was written to help you spice it up in the bedroom!
Try new things, explore each other, and turn on those fireworks!
29 Days to Great Sex: The Series
Day 1: The Act of Marriage
Day 2: Starting Fresh
Day 3: Loving the Skin You’re In (This one!)
Day 4: Pucker Up!
Day 5: Reawaken Desire
Day 6: Why Your Hubby Wants You!
Day 7: Dealing with Differences in Sex Drives (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 8: 14 Ways to Play as a Couple
Day 9: Prepare for Sex throughout the Day
Day 10: Ways to Flirt with Your Husband
Day 11: Show Affection (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 12: Hitting the Reset Button on Your Sex Life (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 13: Getting Your Head in the Game (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 14: What if You’re Not “In the Mood”?
Day 15: What is Foreplay?
Day 16: How to Orgasm
Day 17: The Pleasure Center
Day 18: Foreplay Can Be for Him, Too!
Day 19: Little Changes that Increase Pleasure for HER and for HIM (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 20: Deciding on Sexual Boundaries (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 21: 5 Ways to Spice Things Up
Day 22: How Often is Enough?
Day 23: Quickies Are Great!
Day 24: Initiate, Baby!
Day 25: Sex Once Kids Come (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 26: New Positions to Try–to Ramp Up the Fun! (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 27: Experiencing Spiritual Intimacy when you Make Love
Day 28: Being Mentally Present When You Make Love (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Day 29: Celebrate! And Keep Up the Momentum (BONUS content in 31 Days to Great Sex)
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
” “Sexy” is a state of mind, and it certainly is not reserved for only a select few. If you have an attitude of sexiness, this will begin to spill over in your actions.”
I couldn’t agree more. But having said that, I will say that I believe one thing in particular that we women struggle with is while we are determining to love our bodies and embrace them, we are fully aware of the fact that God made men visual. This can make “the competition” seem even more fierce. It is truly a battle of the mind. THEREFORE, we MUST take those thoughts captive. And it doesn’t hurt to remember that those women in the magazines are almost always touched up, airbrushed. And women in real life–well, they, too, have their own issues. No female is immune to this. So we must determine to “love the skin we’re in.” And again, He gave us the tools when it comes to the battleground of the mind. It is up to us to use them.
Thanks so much for doing this series!!!
So true, Rena. I mentor a lot of teenage girls, many of whom are just gorgeous. But they all don’t think they’re pretty. We had an interesting conversation this week where one said, “I know I’m pretty, but I don’t feel pretty.” I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about, but all the other girls agreed. “I just don’t feel pretty.” What a lie! And we do need to fight against it. And it starts so young…
I notice on this board most of the women are confident in how their husbands see them. What if your husband does not compliment you and comments on how you have gained weight and seems not to really get turned on by you (depends on the day). I do have self esteem issues and I realize some of this is my projection onto him however, some is real and I have talked to him about it but he says that is how he is and he will never be a big complimenter. I would just like to have some passionate kisses with him and that is sometimes very hard to achieve. We are newlyweds but have been together on and off for seven years and I know when I asked him why he kept coming back to me one of his answers was I am comfortable and he feels as if I know him better then anyone….how do you spice that up. We use to have the spark but it has faded and I have dressed up and tried so hard but it seems to be a losing battle on some days. What would be your advice for someone who has a partner who they can’t be sure at this moment truely finds them attractive and thinks they are beautiful?
I would love to know the same thing.
Except in my case, I was a big girl before I met my husband. I didn’t used to be, but an undiagnosed medical condition (despite going to many doctors about it for years) combined with lifesaving medications for a very serious medical condition I have, saw me go from 130pounds all the way up to 300 pounds at my heaviest. This is despite dieting and exercising as much as my health will allow (more than my health will safely allow actually).
I met my second husband just after I started treatment for my previous undiagnosed medical condition and have slowly dropped down to 250 pounds over the last three years. I have worked my guts out to lose this weight.
He has said he hasn’t noticed any changed in me despite losing three dress sizes. both my workmates and my patients (many who suffer from dementia and can’t even remember my name) often compliment me about how much weight I’ve lost and how I look so much better.
I thought my husband was ok with how I looked and his only reason for wanting me to lose weight was for my health (which is why I want to lose it). He dated me when I was 300 pounds, I was 250 pounds when we married a few months back. But he never wants to have sex, he constantly rejects me, and when trying to get to the bottom of things, he has said what I look like is part of why he isn’t interested in sex.
I always wear nice clothes around him (except when we do sport together, then I have to wear practical things and even then, I try to wear nice gym clothes), I wear nice lingerie to bed every night since we’ve been married.
I don’t understand…if he hated what I looked like so much, why did he marry me? why did he even date me in the first place?
I KNOW he doesn’t find me beautiful or attractive because he has outright said so. He isn’t physically attracted to me and he doesn’t find me beautiful.
What do I do?
I am trying my hardest to lose weight, but I have a lot of health problems and it’s a massive battle. I’ve lost nearly 50 pounds, but it has plateaued in the time since getting treatment for one of my medical conditions and since stopping the arthritis medication which caused my weight gain. I had been losing a pound a week, but in the last few months I haven’t lost any more and I’m dieting and exercising as much as humanly possible for someone who needs painkillers just to be able to walk. My doctors have said I’m doing the best I can.
My husband has been away on a business trip for several weeks, after telling me how he wasn’t physically attracted to me and it’s part of why he rarely wants to have sex. And he’s never really been into foreplay – he doesn’t want to have sex, so why do anything to encourage me to want more? (basically what he said – he doesn’t want to do anything that will lead to more sex than what we have now, that he’s already having more than he wants as it is and last thing he wants is to encourage more).
I don’t know what I’ll do when he gets back in a few days. I don’t want him to see me naked anymore, knowing how he truly feels. When we first got married, I was so scared of him seeing me naked, worried that he would find me horribly ugly and be turned off. He kept saying he didn’t care what I looked like. Now that I know the truth, I’m heartbroken.
I don’t know what to do – I can’t bear the thought of him seeing me naked, knowing how much he hates it. I crave sex with him, but the thought of it just leaves me feeling broken, knowing he sees sex as a horrible chore he is forced to do with the ugly monster he married.
Butterfly Wings,
I really wish you had gotten a reply to your comment, I would like to know what the blog authors think about your situation and how to help you. How absolutely horrible for you to be going through all of that…..my heart just aches reading what your husband has said to you, thinking of how I would feel if someone treated ME that way. I would wonder if he even loved me at all, if that’s how he felt about me.
I wish I was there with you to give you a hug and encouragement! YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR PHYSICAL SHELL (body)!!!! A person’s worth and value have nothing to do with how they look physically, and you sound like a very special person who deserves to be loved and cherished because of who you are INSIDE.
It must be so painful for you to have your husband, who you want to please so badly, reinforce your awful feelings about yourself.
I know your post was a long time ago, and I’m not sure where you are with your feelings and your marriage now, but if you ever need to talk, or if you need encouragement or support, please email me!! (lisadiane2005[at]gmail[dot]com)
I hope you are doing better, and I am going to be praying that God will work on your husband’s heart and attitude. And I will pray that God will show YOU how special and beautiful you are to Him, who created you!!
Hugs, Lisa
Hi Lisa, I think things are a little better. Maybe it’s just because this morning my husband said I look pretty which is rare for him. I’d dressed up super fancy for a job interview. I dress up for him often enough, but sometimes I wonder if it’s because it’s at night after work when he’s tired, whereas he was home from work today, it was morning so he noticed it.
We still struggle along with his lack of drive, but we’re doing better. I realised this morning on my way home from my job interview that I genuinely didn’t feel a trace of depression. Anxious yes – I was a nervous wreck after the interview, but not depressed. It reassures me that even though our marriage isn’t perfect, we do love each other and both of us are growing in it.
I love what you are doing and I can’t wait to read your book!
LOVE this post! It helps when you have a husband complement you on your body daily and “nightly” 🙂 Mine is so good at that it’s easy to leave the lights on! Love the lipstick tattoo idea! Going to try that!
kris
Well said. We recently had a reader comment that although her husband tells her she is sexy she just can’t believe it. As women we must take our husbands at their word and put it into practice. If they think we are sexy we should dwell on that, by dwelling on that we will believe it and when we believe it will become even more attractive to them. We need to start the positive and godly belief cycle that we are attractive and that we can use our bodies in some pretty amazing ways. Thanks for sharing.
Megan
If I may (being a man), speak momentarily to this… I wrote an article in January over on Awesome Husbands that I think perhaps many of your female readers may relate to. I believe it compliments Julie’s article perfectly – but from a man’s perspective of his wife. (Mine!)
http://www.awesomehusbands.org/the-most-beautiful-woman-in-the-world/
Julie, this article was fantastic! My wife pointed me to a couple of your articles a while back and I’ve been reading ever since! Thank you for ministering to our wives! And Sheila, you too!
Jason
@SongSix3
And when your husbands tell you you’re unattractive? that despite your best efforts to lose weight (and even success in losing weight against incredible odds), that your body puts them off sex and the don’t want sex?
When you’ve had not one, but two husbands tell you this?
What then?
I really do appreciate what your saying, and for the most part agree w/ it, but what about those of us that really do need some work in the physical appearance department? For the most part, I don’t hate my body. I can complete your assignment w/o problem. But I hate that I’m 40 pounds overweight. I need to lose weight. There is no self-deception in that. I’m having a hard time reconciling what your saying w/ my reality.
Okay…well, maybe I’m going to have a bit harder time w/ this assignment than I thought. I like my eyes. I pretty much ran into a block after that…LOL.
I totally understand what you’re saying. I really do. And many of us do need to lose weight! But I think we have to separate the idea that we have to lose weight from this idea that we therefore can’t be attractive or sexy or feel powerful in our skin until we do. Because let’s face it: most of us aren’t going to lose that weight, and if we do, it’s going to take a really long time. Should we say that we therefore can’t be sexy until then? Nope!
I really think Julie’s right–sexy is as sexy does. And we can FEEL sexy even if we’re on the heavier side. So I know it’s hard. I know it’s a big roadblock. I know you can see everything wrong with you. But trust me on this one: find 5 things you actually LIKE! Amazingly, it’s easier to motivate ourselves to lose weight if we’re actually thinking positively about our bodies, anyway, not negatively. So you can do it! You really can! What do you like…. ?
I just wanted to say that I, too, need to lose about 40 pounds, but I’m totally, 100% comfortable with who I am. You can be healthy and bigger at the same time (in fact, when I feel the best physically I’m still technically overweight). And as far as feeling sexy goes — don’t stress about it too much! Your husband loves you, you love him, and in your most intimate moments he probably can’t really see that much of you anyway. 🙂 (Think about it — when you’re having sex, how much of him can you see? For me, it’s pretty limited. I get the ‘idea” of skin but that’s more or less it.) I’m sure he loves you for who you are, what you do, AND how you look. I know my husband does.
As a side note, when I was skinny, I was sooo insecure. I was paranoid about gaining any weight and I was kind of obsessed with exercise and eating healthily. As time progressed, I realized that God gave me this world and body to ENJOY. If that means I have to buy bigger clothes, so be it!
Awesome attitude, Elizabeth! And you know, that’s something I think women need to hear loud and clear: being skinny does not make you confident, either! All women are paranoid about their bodies. So it’s not like you can magically lose weight and then you’ll feel sexy. Sexy really is a state of mind!
So what happens when you know by your husbands face when you go out on a limb and show him all that he is less than turned on? My attitude isn’t enough to overcome the less than perfect physical status.
That’s a tough one, but I think the best sexual relationship between a husband and a wife depend far more on attitude and enthusiasm and fun than anything else. If we can work on enthusiasm and laughing together, I’m not sure the body image problems would matter quite as much. And then just talk to your husband about this: say that you want to have a lot of fun with him, and you want him to fun with you, but you’re not always sure he wants to, and it makes you scared to initiate. If he understands the negative effect he’s having, he may start to embrace you more.
I need to lose quite a bit more than 40 lbs, more like 80-100. I’ve lost 20 so far 🙂 But my husband loves me the way I am and tells me all the time how beautiful I am. Even when I am feeling fat and very un-sexy he puts his arms around me and wants to cuddle and kiss and it immediately makes me feel sexy and feminin. I decided to buy some sexy lingere from a plus-size store and he loved it! It made me feel sexy and powerful, not embarrased or weird at all. He’s always asking me now when I’m getting a new nighty! I have struggled with body issues all my life but I am blessed to have a wonderful, supportive and loving hubby.
Mary, I love what you said about lingerie! I’ve heard that so many times, that lingerie is just empowering. So way to go!
I’ve only been married for 7 months and am a 23 years old. Even being young and having a ‘good body’ doesn’t excuse you from telling yourself the lies of the enemy about your body. Thank you so much for the post! I’ve been sharing your blog on Pinterest and it’s been getting re-pinned by all my newly married friends! Thanks again
I know what you mean. I’m 23 years old and have been married for 3 years. I am in pretty decent shape, even after being pregnant and breast-feeding, and I still am not completely satisfied by what I see in the mirror. I don’t know why, but I do struggle with my body, and I have absolutely no reason to. I always tell myself that God made me who I am, and he designed my body perfectly.
Does it matter if you paid for one of the parts you really like? LOL. Seriously, though, I have made a point throughout my life to look at myself in the mirror and find features I appreciate. I’m not gorgeous by any stretch of the imagination, but God did some nice artwork on me here and there and my husband enjoys looking at me. Morever, we have better sex now (as we age and things move and sag in different ways) than when we were younger and firmer. We take care of our bodies for health and groom to be appealing, but I am not comparing myself to a supermodel. Great advice here, Sheila and Julie!
I’m loving this series!
Just had to say that if you paid for it, not only should you count it, but it’d better be at the top of your list!
And I really like your blog, too. 🙂
Thanks. 🙂
Thank you for sharing. This message need to be heard by all wives. I am sharing this with our members. Again, Thank you.
Thanks so much! I appreciate you spreading the word!
I feel like I’m a flop. I’m still struggling with yesterday’s discussion and the thought of trying to find 5 things about myself I actually like and then do something specifically related to those parts? This feels impossible. It would be much easier to just …. sit back and stay where I’ve been in our sex life because it’s safe. I am going to think of my 5 parts now. And hopefully I’ll find some.
Thanks for the (deeply stirring) revelations, challenges, and brutal honesty.
You can do it, Lisa! And if you’re having problems, ask your husband to help you! And tell him why you need him to: that you want to enjoy sex, and you want to experience real freedom in the bedroom, but you’re self-esteem issues about your body are holding you back. If he understands your motivation, I’m sure he can help you come up with 5! Don’t give up, girl!
I actually just told him I’d like to do this 29 days together and he JUMPED all over the idea. :blush: Guess he’s happy I’m interested in trying? 🙂
Exactly! Tell him he’ll love tomorrow…Just wait to see what’s coming… 🙂
you said to name 5 parts that the lady likes about HER OWN BODY …. Asking her man what HE likes, is not the point and defeats the object!
I’m with Lisa Marie on this one – not one single thing on that list.
I really enjoyed this post because this is something I tend to deal with. I was very overweight as a young teenager, then lost 65 pounds by age 16. My husband and I married when I was 20 and my dreaded weight has been creeping back in the three years since. He honestly doesn’t care about my 25 extra pounds, and loves my added curves. What’s weird is that when it comes to sex, my weight and body really don’t bother me because of his support. I’m very seldom hindered by thoughts that he won’t like what he sees because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he does. However, I have a hard time carrying that comfort with my body over to the rest of life. His support doesn’t change when we leave the bedroom, but my self confidence does. I’ve noticed that more recently since I’ve lost ten pounds. While I can easily name five things I love about my body while in the bedroom, when I get dressed for work that number drops a bit. I hate what society has done to women -especially teenage girls – blasting that the only way to be attractive is to be skinny. I know for a fact that I’ll never be that tiny 16-year-old again. I know for a fact that my husband loves me no matter my weight. I love him for that. Now if I can just learn to be comfortable all the time and not just in the bedroom. I guess I’m opposite of most women, lol.
You actually put into words most of what I seem to do! I have total confidence with my hubby in the bedroom, and with the way HE sees me, but when it comes to the way I view myself in most other situations, I fall short! I have Fibromyalgia and have been struggling with weight most of my 27 years. I’m more comfortable in my skin than I’ve been since I was a little kid, but I still catch myself talking me down. I’m totally the opposite of most gals, too. I’m usually the initiator in the bedroom even! 😀
I agree with this! As a 22 year old that is planning a wedding the thing I’m worried about the most is my weddin night. The thought of him seeing my naked scares me to death. I have always struggled with what I look like and all through high school struggling with a eating disorder. But I will never believe I’m beautiful untill i hear it from the lord and choose to believe it. It’s a daily battle for woman but it’s a choice to belive it. I’m so excited for marriage And sex and love. It’s going to be a challenge to fight this! But with the lord all things are possible 🙂
I have this sickness too. At this moment I can only think of three things of the five; though I know if I ask hubby, he will supply the other two. I have recently lost 20 pounds and want to lose 30 more. Now I have a pending surgery and will be virtually immobile for 2-3 weeks so no more exercise or weight loss. That won’t do a whole lot for this positive self-image. But this too shall pass. In a month and a half I can get back to it. So now I just cling to the fact that there are 20 that are gone and even though I still don’t like where I am, I am a lot closer than I was a year ago. And hubby has appreciated the work I’ve done so far. I’ll work on finding my five!
My husband has always told me I am the most beautiful woman in the world. And I never believe him. I have had a weight span that is huge and he has never treated me different at the top or bottom of it. I seriously need to let go and let him tell me that. And show me that. He truly does think that. And I need to get on board too.
I am enjoying this series (and the other websites I’ve found from here. My honey and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage on Valentines Day!
Last night, before he left for a meeting I told him I’d be waiting for him, and I set a couple of texts to remind him, after showering I applied some lipstick tatoos like you mentioned: a heart on each hip and a large conversation heart on each of my (very large) breasts. :). That was actually a breakthrough because my 46 DDD+s have always been difficult for me to appreciate (even though I know he does.) He seemed to enjoy it 🙂
5 things I like about my body? That is hard…. Like many commenters, I need to lose weight, but not just 40 pounds–I need to lose about 150 pounds. Most of the time I’m not self conscious (with hubby) but I would love be lighter.
1. My eyes (especially since I started wearing glasses)
2. My hair
3. My lips
4. My hands. I really like they way I look with a manicure–guess it’s time to schedule one
5. My curves — even though I am large, I am proportioned “correctly”: I have a waist. (I don’t have an hourglass figure–I have a two hour glass figure!)
4.
Way to go with coming up with 5! By the way, my feet are on my list of 5, so I totally get liking your hands. I think I have nice feet!
Funny video! So, if a long night gown whose purpose is warmth is undesirable, how do I find something to SLEEP in that will keep me warm? I get cold in the winter. I’ve searched high & low for a long nightgown that my husband would find attractive but can only find pjs and short nightgowns. I’ve always thought my husband would not prefer pjs because that’s even MORE clothes to wear to bed. My current nightgown is looking pretty ratty so HELP!
I’ve always thought flannel pyjamas with buttons are a little sexier because they don’t look so “granny” like! But do what I do, and tell your husband that if he wants to turn the heat up in the bedroom, he might actually want to TURN THE HEAT UP. Or at least buy a small space heater :). So ask him what he finds sexier!
Here’s another tip, Vicki: You know how in movies and stories, when someone falls through ice or has been stuck in the snow on a mountain, etc, they often remove clothing and climb under a blanket with another unclothed person (read naked snuggle) to share body heat? It works. In OH so many ways. 😉 The fewer clothes between you, the warmer you’ll be, AND the more things will heat up!
Polyester makes me itch, so I have to make my own clothes (even “100% cotton” is usually *sewn* with polyester thread–you could see the rash lines on my body where the seams were!). So much for buying lingerie! But it gave me an edge in being able to design what really worked. I studied clothes designed for breastfeeding to get ideas (babies aren’t the only ones who appreciate easy access…). My prince picked out a royal blue flannel for me (he liked the softness & the color on me) & I made a long, ruffled, embroidered nightgown with special “pockets” just for him–one set right under the sleeves and another set at the waistline–he can reach right through them (easy access to my curves). When that nightgown died, I made another of a pink velour (again, his pick) that he likes even better. I *have* tried other (skimpier) lingerie patterns, but he says this is his favorite (he likes the fact that nobody but him knows its secret!)–and it’s warm :). The tantalization factor seems to go a long way. If you can sew at all, you could just *add* “special” pockets to a nightgown he likes. Use a standard pocket pattern, but leave the back open (sew the pocket to the garment & sew the top & bottom, but leave the rest open–enough that your prince’s hand fits through easily–and finish the edges so they don’t fray). Or perhaps you could buy clothes designed for breastfeeding & let your prince know they’re for *him*.
Ugh. I am having the worst time with this. I don’t like to be touched. I’ve been touched, pulled on, sucked on, hugged, kissed ALL day long by the kids. I don’t want any more touching when my husband gets home. I am all touched out. 🙁 The suggestions in the box are cute but they are the same as any other magazine…not practical. Who has that kind of time AND I’m the one who has to clean it up. Putting on makeup, fixing my hair, even sometimes taking a shower just does not fit in the schedule with two small kids and one on the way. We stay home all day so I feel like even if I do put on clothes, I’m just creating more laundry for myself or getting blueberry stains on my good clothes! I feel more like sex is a punishment from Eve sinning in the garden than it is something that was meant for pleasure. It feels more like a way of Adam being able to exert his force and greater needs onto Eve for doing what she did. Sigh. I just don’t understand how this could possibly get better. Anything you have that might be able to help would be greatly appreciated.
What a great post! I have been quite overweight my entire life, and my previous husband actually asked me to leave our bed because “i was fat and ugly”. You can imagine how my confidence and body image suffered I was single for 10 years after that marriage ended and I never intended to get involved again, let alone married.
My ‘new’ husband of 9 years has given me the greatest gift ever received (next to Jesus of course). Safety and security. He is patient, understanding loving, and generally incredible – and through his constant assurances and unwavering desire for my body, I can now say that I am completely “safe when naked”. I do not worry about the extra 70+ pounds that I carry. I do not worry that my hips are large, or that (unfortunately) gravity works on all parts of the body. Nope – I can sit naked on the bed with him and talk about our day.
I just wanted to share that back story so you understand what goes into my completion of this assignment.
I love…
the curve of my waist
the shape of my calves
my breasts, especially in a sexy push up bra
my hair and eyes
the softness of my skin
Thank you so very much God, for my husband, and for the gift of pleasure, and the healing that allowed me to experience it again.
I can identify with so much of what you said! I’m sorry you had the experience with the first husband. That hurts my heart to think of. I imagine it makes your husband now that much more of a treasure, bless him. I also have struggled with weight all of my life, and am currently around 100 lbs overweight, (down from 120 lbs over, though.) I’m SO blessed by my husband’s unwavering love and desire for me. He has helped me become the confident woman I now am (most of the time.) What used to be my number one complaint about my body (my incredibly large, round posterior) is actually the main physical attribute which attracted my husband! I can now embrace having a big booty, knowing that he love it! It’s among my top five now!
I am so thrilled to have discovered this series. My husband and I have a good sex life with much to improve, — we`re enjoying the jouney 5 years married and two babies along.
However, I found this article a bit discouraging. I could name 5 parts (4 of which are on my face) but I am about 60lbs overweight with a disfigured stomach — grossly distended, wrinkled, saggy, c-section scar overwhich all my fat hangs, etc. Any position or situation that accentuates it makes me completely `lose the groove`. I hate standing in broad day light (candle light, low light in the moment is ok) like when showering or getting dressed. It has become an àrt`(or distraction) trying to make love while concealing my stomach and avoiding his touch there.
This is very hard to put into words, but that is the truth of it. How do I gain confidence in my sexyness while dealing with this issue without waiting until I lose the weight. Even when I do lose it, the evidence of how I treated my body will always be tehre, unless I get a tummy tuck (totally not an option).
Vanessa, I think what you’re feeling is really quite common and normal. What we need to do, I think, is focus on those good things. You said you can name 4 on your face–that’s wonderful! Use makeup to play them up so you feel pretty. Feeling pretty during the day–even if you’re wearing attractive clothes to cover up your stomach–is part of feeling pretty at night. So play up the things you like, and others will think of you that way, too.
And then just focus on how much your husband loves you. I know that you will never have the stomach you want (short of surgery) but you can have the relationship you want. And maybe if we started talking about the things that we liked, rather than what we didn’t like, and then just trying to bask in our husband’s love, some of this would get easier. But I know it’s hard. I really do. I just encourage you to push through, and talk to your husband about it, because I’m sure he’d love to make you feel better and more confident!
Vanessa, you just wrote whT has been on my heart for a long time now. When I got married 8 years ago I was slim and comfortable in my own skin. I had twins 5 years ago and another baby 19 months later ( both via c-section) and needless to say my whole body changed dramatically. I gained 60 lbs with my twins, lost 30 which I regained and lost with my second pregnancy. Leaving me several lbs to still loose. Believe me I am queen stretch mark and saggy belly and all those things. I understand so well where you are coming from and have often found myself hiding my belly from my husband because I feel ashamed of how I look. When I read your words, I couldn’t help but think, that someone has put into words exactly what I feel…. But I don’t want to feel this way any longer.
My goal tonight is to view my self how God views me; as His creation fashioned with love and care. We have had the amazing privilege of bringing little beings, who God also created, into this world. This is nothing to be ashamed of! Tonight, I am going to pray for myself and for you that God will help us learn to not just accept, but transform our minds about the way we view our bodies, That he would create in us a thankfulness for the wonderful family He has given us knowing that our “problem areas” gave birth to our children and that He would give us the strength and patience to change the physical things we can change gwhich is hard with little kids who demand our attention. I am also going to pray that God would give our husbands eyes to help us see the beauty of our every flap, stretch mark etc that we have knowing it was those marks that grew our family and grew our love.
Thank you so much for your brutal honesty. It was exactly what I needed to hear tonight.
Just found your blog through Pinterest (best website ever!)…I am loving this series. My husband is currently deployed so there’s not really any sex going on right now! But, before he deployed, our sex life was suffering. Having two kids only 15 months apart and being on birth control along with some other “emotional” issues killed my sex drive. I’m determined to get our intimacy back to our pre-baby life and this series is definitely helping! Thank you so much for being bold enough to write it. I was fortunate enough to be raised with a fairly healthy view of sex within marriage but there are certain issues that I just wasn’t prepared for. Thanks to this series I think I will be much better prepared for a healthy, happy sex life when my husband gets home!
Aw, thanks, Katrina! And thank you for all the sacrifices you and your family make so that your husband can serve his country. It really is appreciated. I pray that these months will go by quickly, and that you’ll have lots of help with your little ones!
And yes, Pinterest is the best website ever! 🙂
they say “sex” is one of the best exercise, so why not enjoy it and think as if you are exercising and the most fun part is that you are doing it with the love of your life. it ill not just give you a healthy body but as well as healthy relationship with your partner…. love your tips….. 🙂
Technically sex doesn’t burn that many calories unless you are going at it hard and heavy-same intensity for quite some time. With kids in the house old enough to ask why daddy is laughing, this is unlikely. 🙂 have several of those kids created by wanton sex, and your body by all the world’s standards is shot. Even though I respect what God enabled my body to produce, I don’t like the wrecking of the vessel. Boobs tend to look like they should be in National Geographic after nursing more than two humans. I am always reminded of missionaries bringing donated bras to tribal women. They had to roll up their breasts and tuck them into the things. That’s what I feel like most days, though its not accurate-i just feel spent from doing what God designed to happen as a result of all this fiendishly hot sex. Remember, mens bodies don’t have to be affected at all!
Ohh… GOD! You totally amaze me with your post, that is all I can say, AMAZING. You definitely define what is “sexiness” all about, I just hope that all the women who read this will realize that they are “beautiful” and “sexy”, not just in the eyes of their husbands but as well in the eyes of GOD.
My husband is not much a reader, but when he saw me reading your post, it totally get him. He even want to try he’s own 29 days to great sex….. 🙂
I know this particular blog is older but I just found this website. When I came to this challenge I literally cried. I see all these women writing about how they have 40 lbs to lose but (brace yourself) I have 120 lbs to lose. I am an obese woman. Haven’t always been, in fact when I started dating my husband I ran ten miles a day and went to the gym for three hours every day. I was a fitness nut!! But then my husband and I had a miscarriage and I started to put on weight from depression. Then we had another miscarriage and I put on more weight. Thenn we had another miscarriage and I stopped getting out of bed for a while and ate for comfort, ate out of boredom, the like. Finally, i decided “enough of this” and I started to exercise (at this point I was just at 200 lbs-when this started I was a size 9) God had a different idea and I got pregnant again…(which was terrifying). I almost lost the pregnancy three times and went into premature labor twice. The doc had me on bed rest for all but two months of the pregnancy….so I balooned up even more. Since the birth, my husband and I’s marriage has been rocky and I weigh more now then when I gave birth (i’m ashamed to admit it). So all this to tell you I honestly can’t name anything about myself that I like. I used to be skinny, vibrant, and good looking. Now all I see is 120 lbs of fat hanging off of places fat doesn’t even belong. I am exercising again, but my obesity has me stuck in a deep spiral downward especially in our sex life. I have no idea how to complete this challenge. How can I love what I despise when I see it in the mirror?
Amelia,
My heart breaks for you!! You have had to face a heavy lot. How is baby? Are you enjoying being a mother?
I know a close friend who lost 165lbs mainly through eating well and exercise. I am excited you are exercising again and that must feel good. That is an immense part of the battle. Don’t be too hard on yourself or expect to see change in your body too fast. When you are so very exhausted with a new baby losing weight is a hard battle. But exercise will help you feel 100% better.
Do you have a trusted wise counsellor you and your husband could talk to? It is possibly the hardest time in your life for your marriage and so important to build it healthy and strong when it is at its most vulnerable.
You can be a vibrant person without being skinny and that could be one thing you love about yourself.
I bet you are still pretty. (I saw beauty in my sister before she lost 165lbs even though she would not have admitted it herself) So try to look past what you used to be and find things you can like (with the way you are feeling about yourself I bet you won’t admit to yourself that there are things to like… I feel I don’t deserve to like anything about myself. So I will only admit “Well… that part of me isn’t terrible” Try to cling to those things and know that sex can be amazing even if you are overweight. (I should know!)
Christy,
Thank you so much for your response!! My son, Remi, is good and healthy. He was torn from meat birth and taken to the NICU because he was really sick. My husband got a vasectomy because he couldn’t take anymore heartache or seeing me die a little after every lost pregnancy. I was devastated by the decision but understand his reasonings. I would no longer be the best mom i could to my son if I lost another baby. He is a year now but my constant worrying of things going wrong *due to all my losses* has put a lot of strain on our marriage. thank you for your advice. I will continue to try and be more motivated about sex. It is hard because I had 22 stiches after my natural birth and I didn’t heal up quite right, so not only am i self conscious but there is a lot of pain. This series is helping and I am very grateful for it. I want to be the best wife I can and your words encouraged me. Hopefully i will have a success story like your sister someday but I need to like myself as I am. thanks for your encouragement.
I had a hard time with this until I rephrased the challenge to “5 Things I DON’T HATE about my body”, which really helped me to see the areas I actually LIKE! There are more than I thought there would be! Here they are, in no particular order:
1-Eyes
2-Ears
3-hands/fingers
4-arms
5-hair, color & length
6-toes
7-back/shoulders
8-height
9-weight
10-the way my skin/figure looks first thing in the morning
In reality, the only things I “Hate” any more are limited to my breasts, tummy, and saddlebags, all especially since having children changed them so much. Of course, those three are the “main” three, you know, the bust-waist-hip ratio? But only finding 3 areas I “hate” and finding so many more I actually like, even LOVE, was such an encouraging exercise! I even wore dangly earrings today to “dress up” my ears, made me feel so lovely! Thanks for the challenge!
In your video, you mentioned that any man can look in the mirror and say they look good. I don’t think this is a fair statement. Men have body issues too. I know they are not the same, but they are real. I just think we should be careful when making body image issues all about women. Thanks.
This really is hard. I guess I have never really thought of body parts I like. I had never really looked in the mirror and disliked what I saw until after kids. Its not horrible, but my husband will jokingly squeeze my extra (sounds better than fat, lol). I know he is joking but it is very hard to feel sexy when I am being reminded that there are areas needed to be worked on. I now look in the mirror and that all I see. So I can think about one thing I really like about my body.
I thank you so much for this blog! I have read on a few days, just reading some of it makes me a bit nervous, but I know if I just mention I want to improve our sex life, my husband will be for any of it! I just pray that this not only helps our sex life, but also my self image and our relationship!
Thank you again!! 🙂
What about when he doesn’t love the skin you’re in? When you’re not just being down on yourself, but you know because he’s told you that he no longer finds you attractive. When you’re the one who wants intimacy but he doesn’t want you?
RV, I am sorry. I know your pain. It hurts. With three kids and some emotional issues that i am working through I am overwhelmed and rushed. I barely can keep meals on the table and clothes to go on their backs let alone exercise and be beautiful. It hurts. I don’t like myself, and I know he isn’t attracted to me either. He has communicated that to me. I don’t really know what to do. I am sorry you hurt too RV.
I can’t even begin to describe how eye opening this blog is! My husband and I were married 8 months ago and our sex life has been slim to none. I think we both long for that closeness but don’t quite know how to get there . You have such a great ministry here because this subject is so under-talked about among the Church. My husband and I are both Christians and love each other deeply but I felt almost disappointed when we got married because I think I allowed expectations to come into our marriage about how often we were supposed to make love and when that didn’t go according to plan I allowed my feelings to be hurt. I was in tears last night because I just simply felt undesired and I stumbled upon this blog and the Lord has really used you to speak to me. I woke up this morning and spoke with my husband about it and your blog and we are both so excited to begin this journey in our marriage. Keep up this ministry!
Thanks so much! I’m so glad to help, especially newlyweds. Rest assured that we took about 6-7 years to figure things out, so you’re not alone. And if you haven’t gotten it yet, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex might really help you as you try to stumble through this all together.
Congratulations on your marriage!
Sheila, I came across your blog just yesterday through some searching. My husband and I have been married for almost a year, but have a 2 1/2 year old son. My husband was not a christian when i met him, and, although I was trying to walk with God, i led astray when i met my husband and fell into the temptation of fast love and lust. I became pregnant, and thank God that he drew my husband’s beautiful heart to Him, and that he gave himself to Christ almost three years ago. I am 24 and have struggled with promiscuity in my late teens and early twenties. As time has gone by and my husband and I have grown closer, it has seemed as though our sex life has only decreased. We have Christ as the center of our marriage and our family but our sex life is seriously lacking, which we seem at a loss about. It is something that we are open about with eachother. We share close moments and are the best of friends, but have lost the motivation amongst children and work and school to share the real intimacy of sex. I began to feel as though my guilt from my sexual past had a large part to do with all of this. Many times, my husband will try to caress me or massage me and i only push away and reject him, which i then feel awful about. I have a problem with always feeling used because i gave myself away so many times to men that i knew did not love me. Coming across your blog has been such a blessing. When i began to read the Act of Marriage post from day 1, i sat and sobbed. I felt all of my guilt overhwhelm me. I want nothing more than to connect sexually and intimately with my husband again. He is the most patient and loving husband i could have ever asked God for, and I want to be a Godly wife to him because he is such a Godly husband to me and treats me like a queen. I have begun to read your book, “A good girl’s guide to great sex” and even just in the past 24 hours, i have noticed a difference in my attitude toward my husband and in his response to that change. We look forward to his journey as newlyweds and I thank God that i no longer feel alone in my loss of sex drive and sexiness, but know that I can get it back in reminding my self that i have been made pure and that God wants my husband and I to have great sex.
I also wanted to address that fact that alot of men also are very self conscious. My husband really struggles with his weight, and although i love him and find him sexy at 300 or 180, he never takes his shirt off during sex. This is something that i want to help him work through as well – to love him self and to see him self as i do and as Christ does. Our husband’s insecurities also need to be addressed in the bedroom. Thank you so much, Sheila. Sorry this is days long! 🙂
Thank you for sharing your beautiful story! It’s so lovely when God does a real work in someone’s marriage. So glad He’s working on yours!
Nice articles.
To butterflywings: leave the bastard. He has no excuse for using you to be the pillar of his life if he has no attraction and no respect for you.
Ladies – some men are cowards – they dream of porn magazine beauties but home they want a sexure “momma”. That s why we owe it to ourself to stop being desperate for their approval and trust that there is a God given person somwhere who is attracted to us or at least respects us not to belittle us. You have to have a Christian husband in order to have a Christian marriage. Christians are a rare breed. We live in an instant gratification era where men and women alike thrive on want and competition and selfishness. Christians are rare. A Christian man would not look for a saint wife while dreaming for wh…s. but most man do. So do yourself a favor: leave the lie. And if you chose to stay and live the lie – blame nobody else than yourself.
Not telling you to do something i m not.
I am leaving.
Mona 6 months on things are better. It’s not me personally – he’s just not a very sexual person. I’m 100% sure he has testosterone problems and I’m still dealing with trying to get him to see a doctor about it, but we do have sex about once a week now and he does occasionally initiate (maybe once every month or two). It’s not that he’s not attracted to me per se, it’s just he’s not attracted to sex. It’s still hard to cope with at times, but we’re working on it.
I know what it is to be depressed and feel that your sex life won’t recover after weight gain and/or childbirth. However, there is hope! You’re only a failure if you give up.
I recently read the book, Trim Healthy Mama by Serene Allison and her sister Pearl Barrett. They have a Facebook page under ‘Trim Healthy Mama’. Women with huge amounts of weight to lose, women on tight budgets, and women with serious health problems are all thriving on this delicious, (relatively) easy plan. It’s given hope and ENERGY to so many women. What have you got to lose?!
Love this website. Keep up the good work!
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I am one of those who really does need to lose weight. I have gained 50 pounds in the last year and I’m starting to loathe what I see in the mirror. I’m looking for an online coach to help me with emotional eating. I found one who seemed like a good fit on google, but she never answered my inquiry. Any chance any of you who are following these comments have a recommendation?
I may be able to help, but I don’t just want to post business information on Sheila’s blog. My website is linked to my name and you are welcome to contact me there.
Hey I just stumbled upon this blog when I was on pinterest and I love it!!! I am married to th man if my dreams and it will b 3 years this October 16… My hubby is more than I deserve! In our marriage I am th one tht struggles with a low sex drive and it is something I want to change but don’t really know how and I feel like I haven’t been very educated on it so I am really enjoying what you Hav written! I haven’t got my husband to do this with me yet but he is very supportive and I’m quite sure he would love it:) I have just been reading through these posts but I want to reread thm with my husband.. We have read a book together named ‘Intended for Pleasure’ by Ed and Gaye Wheat..and I love how it opens up th conversation so we can just talk about how we feel and tht in itself makes me feel more connects to him. But in our talking he had told me tht when I don’t want sex it makes him feel unwanted and like I don’t love him and tht just breaks my heart cuz I love him to th moon and back!!! But he also tells me tht he doesn’t want to make me Hav sex if I don’t feel like it cuz he doesn’t enjoy it either thn..(I Hav told him tht when we Hav sex when don’t feel like it it just make me feel *used*) so often I just don’t feel like sex (I just want to feel loved) tht I gt th mindset tht if I don’t ‘flirt’with him thn mayb he won’t want sex either.. But I also DON’T want to n in a marriage where we just decide it’s easier to not Hav sex. (Actually I don’t think we cud ever do tht cuz my hubby wants sex so much:) and I love to b th one to initiate it but I hardly ever gt to cuz my hubby always starts it and thn I right away gt nervous cuz I’m scared I won’t b all to follow thru with it and tht makes me feel SO gross to gt him all excited for it n thn tell him tht I can’t do it:( so you can see tht we sorta go around in circles and tht gets discouraging for sure when you’re scared your whole married life will b this way.. Also when I wz about 13 years old(I’m 23 now) I wz very overweight.. My highest wz 190lbs..(I’m 5’ 9″ But I had my moment of truth when I realized I cud wear th same size if clothes as my mom and within 2yrs I lost around 50 lbs.. And I’m very happy to say I have kept it off so I love my body way more thm I used to!! But mayb 2 years after we wer married I realized I wz having very big issues with good cravings and I wz gting very scared tht I wz gona gain tht weight back and tht had always been my nightmare so th bothered me very much and also I wz worried I wz having th first signs of depression.. I wz sleeping a lot and when I wud gt wrote out all my thots would just b negative.. But SO much has changed since bout a year ago when my folks showed us a presentation on an organic nutrition company.. I new I wanted th products as SOON AS POSSIBLE!! They Hav absolutely worked wonders for me and our marriage!!! I am SO thankful to God tht he brought it to us!! My food cravings are gone, I have tons more energy, my emotions feels SO much better, and it has helped so much with my bloated feeling which before I didn’t even realize wz making me feel so fustrated which in turn gives me a way better mindset to think about sex with!! And it has improved my sex drive even though I would like it to b better yet.. I think I need to venture out in faith and try some of your tips for flurting and trust tht if I can Hav a sexy mindset thn I will b able to follow thru with it.. My husband often tells me I’m sexy..just like he loves my boobs and I keep telling him tht I Hav to protect thm(all in fun) and so I cover thm up with my arms and thn he tells me it’s sexy when I do tht.. He says anything I do is sexy!! And I love tht but I just wish I cud FEEL tht sexy all th time! So I’m open to anything tht can open my mind to different ways of thinking about sex or what can b blocking my sex drive or anything like tht… and keep up your ministry to so many women tht need a listening ear and encouragement on th sex issue!! I agree there isn’t enuf christian teaching on some of these issues.. Thanks again!! And I’m gonna keep reading your posts!:)
And I don’t want to take away from Sheila’s blog but if anyone would b interested in hearing more about th organic nutrition you can email me at [email protected]… Would love to hear from anyone! I feel like it can help so many people!! It has done absolutely a notified with my mom tht had went thru an emotional breakdown and she had depression and food cravings like I did and weight gain.. Another thing for me.. I have finally hav energy to do exercising now since I take these products when before I would Hav been sleeping! I would just love to to help anyone tht would like to hear more!