Does sex matter in marriage?
It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up! I’ve been running some guest posts for Wifey Wednesday this summer as I’ve been taking some vacation, and today I’m thrilled to welcome my friend Julie Sibert, from Intimacy in Marriage, talking about why sex matters in marriage (because it does!)
I told my 6-year-old that daddy and I would be going on a date the next day.
I asked him, “Do you know what a date is?”
Our son smiled and said, “Yeah, that’s when a mommy and daddy get together and kiss.”
His innocent explanation made me feel good not only as a wife, but also as a parent. For all of my missteps as a mom (trust me – there are pa-lenty), I at some point managed to convey to my child that my alone time with his dad was positive.
I know many of you may be thinking, “Time alone as couple? What’s that?!”
If you are like a lot of married folk, the moment you walked in the door with your first baby, your quality time as a couple was on its way out.
And what about sex?
In many marriages, sex takes such a long hiatus that little or no sex becomes the status quo. But sex does matter in a marriage. At least it should.
Here are three reasons to ponder, especially if you are still in the midst of raising kids:
1. Sex keeps “mommy martyrdom” at bay.
None of us really likes to admit we are even susceptible to mommy martyrdom. We vow we won’t be one of those moms who finds her entire identity wrapped up in her kids. Then we become a mom.
Before long, as we are schlepping juice boxes onto the grocery checkout belt, the housekeeping magazines taunt us. They scream at us with their insanely creative cupcakes and their impeccably decorated (and clean!) family rooms.
Never mind that no one we have ever known has a house that looks like the inside spread of Good Housekeeping. Common sense tells us that such lofty ambitions are highly improbable. But we still get sucked in.
We fall victim to the lie that homemade snacks for every school event, picture-perfect holidays and $8,000 swing sets are what make someone a good mom.
What your kids need more than perfectly organized sock drawers and flawless birthday parties is a mom who is in love with their dad. Nurtured sexual intimacy with your spouse is one of the best things you can do for your kids.
They may never thank you for the ways you make your marriage a priority – they may even roll their eyes when you give your husband a playful peck on the lips – but deep down, they hunger for that kind of security (which can’t be replicated in a homemade batch of cookies).
2. Sex is one way to show you meant what you said at the altar.
I don’t want to be one of those people who oversimplifies something by eloquently quoting scripture (because people like that annoy me).
I do, though, believe that we too easily forget that what makes marriage different from other relationships is that God established it as a covenant. We get caught up in the feeling that fills the air when a bride and groom speak their marriage vows.
But promises of one flesh were never meant to find their footing in a feeling. Within those promises are huge spiritual, emotional and physical implications that require of us the deepest commitment and afford us the greatest of rewards.
God never refers to sex as optional for married couples. If anything, He goes to great lengths to expound on what a gift it is for a married couple to enjoy often.
Long after your guests have eaten all the wedding cake and your wedding album is gathering dust on the bookshelf, what you live within daily is the covenant of marriage. You don’t live in the wedding. You live in the covenant.
Sex is part of that covenant. When you make love to your husband, you once again are saying, “I still choose you.”
3. Sex is a great stress reliever.
As a mom, your days are consumed with stepping on Legos, getting formula stains out of clothing and taming an overstuffed calendar. Do you really want to spend your nights that way too? You need a break girlfriend.
I can hear you lamenting right now, “I know! I want my break to be sleep, not sex.”
Certainly I recognize that if you are in the throes of parenting, you may be craving a good night’s sleep more than anything else. Sleep seems like the only thing that will help you gain your bearings.
But don’t bench sex quite yet. It still has a place on the playing field when it comes to keeping you and your husband on the same page and boosting your general well being. Some day those kiddos are going to grow up and move away. Don’t you want to arrive at that point with a spouse you still know and a marriage you still treasure?
No matter where you are in your parenting journey, make the intentional effort to carve out time for sex. The more you relax and allow yourself to enjoy sexual pleasure with your husband, the more likely you will be to make it a priority.
Truth be told, an orgasm is one of the best stress relievers around. Remember how great orgasm feels?
Certainly there are more than three reasons that sex matters in marriage. But if you are a mom struggling with nurturing this aspect of your marriage, these three are a good place to start.