When I was 9 years old I was in love with Chachi. I used to dream that I was just a few years older and I was asked to star in his TV show, and he kissed me and decided that he loved me. I would work out all kinds of different plots for the show, all of which involved him falling head over heels for me, because he was so wonderfully cute.
Ever have those kind of fantasies? We all do. The problem comes when they don’t stop.
I know many married women who would never dream of cheating on their husbands, but at the same time they have a “crush” on some big star–either a sports figure or a celebrity. They have pictures of that man all over their FB page. They have mugs of him. They make constant references to him.
Recently I received this email from a woman exasperated with her friends. She writes:
Can you please tell married women to stop falling all over themselves praising other men? I’m sick of seeing married women talk about how “hunky” some hockey star is, or how “hot” some star is, especially when their husbands are sitting right there.
We’ve told men that we women don’t like it when they talk about how hot other women are, but we turn around and do the same thing! It has to stop.
I completely agree. I think something has happened to our society in the name of “sexual liberation”. In the 1970s, when feminism really got revved up, one of the things that the movement tried to do was to end the idea that women and men were somehow different. And so they started praising women for acting all sex-crazed, just like men. And it became a sign of women’s empowerment to say that a guy was “hot”, or to openly talk to other women about how cute someone was. While men weren’t allowed to do it, women were encouraged to do so.
We’ve now internalized that, so that we think it’s fun and harmless to idolize hockey players or football players or actors. But it isn’t. Even if your husband says it doesn’t bother him, it’s still wrong. The only one you should have eyes for is your husband.
I hope we all agree romance novels can be dangerous, because too much fantasy about non-realistic romance can easily wreck your marriage. But can I please ask married women to stop posting about hockey players on Facebook, too? And to stop buying jerseys of a particular player? And don’t tell your children that you like him, either! Instead, tell your children how much you love and adore their father.
And that applies to Pinterest, too. I’m amazed how many married women keep pinning pictures of gorgeous actors or sports figures, often on boards titled something like “eye candy”. And yet I wonder how these women would feel if their husbands pinned pictures of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models? Our culture tells us this lie that it’s empowering for women to ogle guys, but wrong if men do it. It’s wrong if BOTH sexes do it, so let’s not give in or kid ourselves.
You should be your husband’s biggest fan, not the fan of someone else. It isn’t harmless, even if you’re never going to meet the person in real life. It makes your mind go in the wrong direction, and it tells your husband and your kids that you’re not truly committed to loving only him.
So let’s keep ourselves for our husbands only! That, after all, is what we signed up for.
UPDATE: I’ve changed this post from when it was originally written to include the part about Pinterest, too!