I write a lot about marriages. I want to save marriages. That’s why I’m writing The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex–to try to help get marriages off to a good start!

But I’m quite aware that many of my readers would love to save their marriage–but their spouse doesn’t seem to see it the same way.

I’ve received two heartbreaking emails this week, and heard the story of a close friend who is going through a rough time, too, and it made me think I need to say something to those women, too. So I did! I thought I’d start video blogging some of my posts, and this seemed like a good one to start on:

If you want to save your marriage:

1. Remember, just because it’s awful now doesn’t mean it always will be.

Of people who rated their marriages as a 7 or 8 on a 1-8 scale, with 8 being lousy, 78% rated it as a 1 or 2 5 years later. Things often do get better! Just because your marriage is in the toilet does not necessarily mean it’s time to flush it.

2. Get some mentors

But what if you’ve been waiting and it’s not improving? Surround yourself with a great Christian body. Find one or two great mentors or counselors to tell the whole story to who can give you wise counsel. I knew one woman who was sure her husband was being verbally abusive to their daughter. He wasn’t. He was just stricter than she was (she didn’t believe in limits). She needed someone outside to show her that.

At the same time, sometimes drastic action is necessary. Find a good Christian mentor to help you.

Love Must Be Tough3. Get a hold of James Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough.

Written for those whose spouses are having affairs, it’s still a great book for many marital issues. When your spouse is doing something that endangers the marriage, the answer isn’t to be a doormat. It’s to change the dynamic in your relationship so your spouse feels the consequences of his actions!
Watch the video for the two heartbreaking emails, and if you have any good advice for those women, do leave a comment!