Soldiers are taught secret code phrases so that if they are ever captured, they can let the military know that they are saying something against their will, if they’re forced to do a video tape. It may be how often they blink, or don’t blink, or which way their eyes move, or how they tap their fingers. That way anyone analyzing the video can get info without the captors knowing what’s really going on.
Not to be an alarmist, but it’s a good idea for our kids to have secret code words, too. If they’re ever in a situation where they have to tell us something’s wrong, without being able to say the words, you want those code phrases.
Your secret code word could be something innocuous, like “sure do love ya”, which they would never normally say just that way, but which doesn’t sound like they’re asking for help. As my kids are getting to be teens, we’ve decided to implement this, so that if they’re ever at a party or a friend’s house, and they’re feeling uncomfortable and want to come home, they can let me know without having to say it out loud.
But you could also use it in more nefarious situations, like in the case of a real kidnapping.
You can also use secret code words to let kids know they’re safe. Christina Fielder had such a code word with her mom when she was little, based on Gary Gnu, their favourite fictional character.
We thought it was just silly until one day, our mom actually enforced it. My brother and I went to a local Catholic elementary school, where all the moms were prompt in picking their children up after the last bell rang. So, as time passed, and we were the only ones sitting on the school steps for what seemed like hours, a car pulled up. It was our mom’s PTA friend, who we did not know very well. She said she was there to pick us up because my mom had an emergency to take care of. My brother and I were hesitant, as we knew we weren’t supposed to get into a car with anyone unless our mom said it was OK. My brother and I profusely refused the ride, until she uttered the words, “Gary Gnu,” and with that, we hopped in.
She relates the story of a teen who was recently killed, who called her parents twice before her murder, but her parents didn’t pick up on anything in her voice. She was probably trying to figure out a way to signal them, but couldn’t.
So it’s important to have these secret code words with our kids. I know we don’t want to alarm them, but it’s just part of living in the modern world. And I think kids tend to feel more confident if they feel as if they have tools at their disposal.
Tonight, at dinner, why not talk about it? Make a game out of it, and role play it. Create a code word. You never know when it might prove awfully handy.
What do you think? Do you have a secret code word with your kids?
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
>This is a great idea!
We use a "code word" for pick ups at school or other activities. Our rule is that you can always go with grandma and grandpa if they show up to pick you up. If someone else shows up (and we haven't already talked about it), they need the code word.
Recently, I dropped one of the boys off at a b-day party and ran into a neighbor, who offered to bring him home. Because I had a preschooler who really needed a nap, I took her up on it. And with the code word, it was no problem. 🙂
But this takes it a step further.
>We have a code word, but now that I think about it, I'm not sure if my girls remember it. We've never had to use it. I'll have to sit down and talk with them about it again. Thanks for the reminder!
>What a GREAT idea! Of course I don't think my kids are old enough to get it yet so I will have to catalog this in the memory bank for a little bit later.
>We had a secret code word for our daughters when they were children and even now as young women they still remember it.
>What a fabulous idea. We'll definately be implementing this into our own family.
>That is a great idea!!! I had one with my best friend when we would date, I never thought about having one with my children!
>That's a great idea.
Actually, my kids know a handful of people they can trust without the code word (grandparents, a neighbor family) but this would make it more obvious for them, where to draw the line.
Thanks 😀
The murder of that poor girl is so heartbreaking. Her best friend was apparently the daughter of Megan Follows, who of course played Anne in Anne of Green Gables. http://www.dailynews.com/news/ci_13028467
Great reminder that a code word could be lifesaving.
My boy is only 4months old…. but I will surely use this in the future. But for now, I think this will also work for my protection just in case I am in a threatening situation and need to contact the hubs 🙂
This is a great idea! Cant wait at dinner tonight, thanks for sharing.
Yes, a code word is a must! And do be sure to practice it and remind the kids about it every now and again. We established the code word when they were little, and recently there was an attempted kidnapping near one of the schools. So we once again discussed the safety lecture, including the code word. I asked the kids what the code word was, and both gave totally different answers that were not the code word. Which led to a fight between them about what the code word should be. Finally, I said, “look, if someone said “insert the real code word,” would you know they came from us?” The kids laughed and said, “oh yeah, only you guys would say that.” So it’s a great thing to keep talking about, even if you think you’ve had the conversation before.
My husband and I actually have code words just in case. I also had one with my college roommate. Never had to use either but never know when we will be greatful we have them.