We all want strong marriages, but too often we forget how to do things together. And then, slowly but surely, we grow apart.
Unfortunately, when a marriage starts going sour, people often focus on the most visible symptoms, rather than the underlying cause. So, for instance, they’ll look at a blah, or non-existent, sex life and think that’s the cause, when really it’s a symptom of something deeper. Or they’ll look at the way the couple hardly spends any time together, which can be a cause, but more often is a symptom of a lack of care for the marriage.
What a marriage really needs, I think, is spiritual intimacy and a deep sense of friendship. Everything else grows out of that. You have to feel like you’re in this together. And you have to feel connected to God. Those two go hand in hand. And when you have those two things, you’ll communicate better. You’ll have better sex. You’ll parent better. You’ll be able to resolve conflict better because there’s a sense of goodwill there already.
So what can you do to build up both friendship and real intimacy? I want that to be our topic today, and if you all have any ideas, please write your own posts or comment below! But here’s one very simply suggestion I have which really, really works.
This may sound strange, but I find the best way to keep spiritual intimacy alive is just to go for walks.
It’s when we’re walking, away from the television, that we really share our hearts. And because God is so central to our hearts, that’s when we have the most spiritual conversations. We may not pray or read the Bible, but even talking about struggles or hashing out what we think a biblical story means is great!
Men tend to communicate with others side by side, when they’re doing something.
They don’t sit opposite someone and share their hearts normally. We women like to talk face to face, but that’s not as much in men’s make up. But when we walk, it’s a little bit less pressure. And that’s often when we open up.
So after dinner, while the weather is still nice, why not just head outside everyday and go for a walk? Talk about how your day went. Fill the time. And as you communicate, you’ll find that both your companionship and your spiritual intimacy is growing. I find this so much easier when we’re out of the house. When we’re at home, the computer or the telephone always intrudes. And to say, when you’re in the house, “let’s talk”, has a seriousness to it that you don’t need. But when you’re out, it naturally happens.
So that’s my take. What’s yours?
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
>I think that is a wonderful idea. While it hasn't been a regular part of our day, we should make it be!
LOL I'm glad that you mentioned not to say "We have to talk." to your spouse while at home… The mere thought of that phrase makes me feel like I'm in trouble!
>I agree! Friendship and spiritual intimacy is crucial. I have a great friend who got a marvelous idea to go for a walk WITH her husband. Another neighbor snapped a picture as it was an unusual occurance. LOL!
>Being an encouragement to your husband is not always an easy task. Finding a way to communicate with him can be even tougher at times. The best thing to do is to make yourself available to him so that he knows he CAN talk but so that he also knows he doesn't HAVE to talk and can just enjoy the time together.
>Great post, I agree! 🙂
Or, if your husband is all about driving (like mine), go for a long drive without the kids. Actually, road trips have been some of our best connecting times, with all those hours trapped (I don't mean that to sound bad!) in a car together.
I also think it's important to make a regular habit of praying and reading together. It's one thing to have your own devotional life, but it's such a marriage-strenthening thing to have a shared devotional life, to be growing TOGETHER spiritually.
>For several years now my husband and I have made a habit of going for a walk together in the early evening. We talk about our day, the kids, family, whatever. It's a great chance to talk without anyone listening in and if it's been a tough day I know that we're going to have those few minutes together to talk. Sadly, because of our terrible weather (I'm in the Southern Hemisphere and it's winter now) we've not done it as regularly as in the past. And we miss it. Especially now that our son and his wife and daughters have moved in with us. We really need that time to be alone and to talk about whatever is on our mind. And it's also a great way to remind us both that one of the reasons we got married was because our spouse also happened to be the best friend either of us ever had!
I understand about the weather, we also have winter. We actually jump in the car and go to the shopping mall. We don’t shop, we just walk, a little slower, but we go around a few times. We used to take the stairs, but my knees have decided stairs were not in my picture. So he ales the stairs and I take the lift. While on our walks, we always meet someone we know. We stop and chat a bit, and we are happy to return home. We had time to decompress.
>I think this is a great idea and we should make this a part of our daily life..Just stumbled and submitted your site to http://Viralogy.com. Hope you get some great traffic from it. Your blog is here http://www.viralogy.com/blogs/my/6326
So important to go for walks together. Love this. It’s one of my favorite things to do with hubby. It’s free and it’s relaxing. Now if only it didn’t rain ALL the time here. I hate being wet and cold.
I love post because it is so true!! My partner and I try to go for a hour and a half walk every day of course that doesn’t always happen but we love them, they feel like mini dates!
Not trying to be negative, however; walking would be nice, but when I am able to get my husband to go for a walk with me….he walks about 10 paces ahead. I have even stopped walking and he keeps going, eventually realizing that I am 60 feet behind him. I have kindly spoken to him about this,but he continues to walk ahead. I did not realize I married a King and that I was a commoner! 🙂 Truly wish that we could enjoy this activity together.
Oh dear, I know where you coming from, hubby walks fast and I walk slower. I finally one day said, dear, I would like for you to hold my hand. It slowed him down some. But I also had to pick up the paste. Try it, it might work. It took me awhile to get him to slow down enough for us to be able to walk. It helped my waste line, and it helped him to slow down. I hope you find the most dale ground. Be patient with him. Don’t forget, when you stop walking he has to stop, men don’t like that. I just decided, the best way, was to eminent him, please slow down so that I can walk with you. Getting mad will not work.
I asked my husband and he doesn’t want to go.