Can sex still be fun when you’re trying to conceive?
It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you all can chime in in the comments. Today let’s tackle your sex life when you’re trying to have a baby.
One of the biggest problems when you’re trying to conceive is that it takes all the fun out of sex. Sex becomes so stressful–it’s a pass or fail thing, when you’ll either get pregnant or you won’t–again. It’s a job that you have to do at exactly the right time, according to the thermometer, if you want your best chance. It’s the source of all of your hopes, and all of your disappointments, and so it’s so hard to relax.
So how do you keep having fun when sex is stressful? Here are a few thoughts I have–but I’d love to hear yours in the comments, too!
Use a Lot of Lubrication
I was sent a sample of Conceive Plus® fertility lubricant, and it looks really neat! Here’s the issue: regular lubricants actually can hurt your chances of getting pregnant because the environment in the vagina is no longer ideal for sperm. Conceive Plus changes that. It’s an FDA cleared fertility friendly personal lubricant that is formulated to be isotonic (meaning that it’s the same chemical balance as the vagina) which also meets a pH range compatible with human sperm survival and migration.
I’m a big believer in lubricants. I think that sex is often just more comfortable when you’re well lubricated. And let’s face it–when you’re tense and you can’t relax, then it makes it hard to produce that lubrication naturally. And we could all use a little help!
They have two different varieties–an internal application that you can insert about 10 minutes prior to starting sex, and a regular lubricant (pictured above) that you just use as you normally would. The internal application ensures that the vagina is totally sperm friendly everywhere!
So this is cool–it’s a lubricant that’s also very fertility friendly. You can read all about it at Conceive Plus®’s website!
Have Nights When You Reach Orgasm–Without Sex!
When you’re trying to get pregnant, you’re often so tense. And we all know that women have enough trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse without the added stress of “will I actually get pregnant this time?” The longer you go without conceiving, the more tense it gets!
So here’s a recommendation: on the nights that are really not fertile anyway (such as a few days after your period), be really sexual with your husband without actually having intercourse. Have him stimulate you to orgasm in another way–and you do the same for him. Be as creative as you like! But make sure that you do get that release.
Why am I saying don’t have sex? A couple of reasons. First, for many couples who go months without getting pregnant, sex becomes a job. So let’s mix it up and not actually have intercourse! Second, because of all the tension it can be even harder to reach orgasm. Instead of trying through intercourse, then, try in a way that doesn’t have all that tension associated with it. And just have fun!
Play a Game
If you know sex is going to be awkward and you’re not going to get into it anyway, then try a game, like “beat the clock”. See how fast you can have intercourse–and then even bring you to orgasm afterwards another way. Make it your goal to see how fast you can make him climax.
But please note: this won’t work if you’re in a bad mood. Then it just seems like you’re rushing him! Instead, laugh a lot and just be funny. It makes it a lot easier.
Some of the awkwardness we often feel when we’re trying to conceive is that we have this idea that sex is supposed to be stupendous and intimate and loving, and it doesn’t feel that way at all. It’s just stressful. So we feel guilty about that, and we try to work ourselves up, telling ourselves, “no, this really is intimate”, even when it doesn’t feel that way at all.
You know what? It will be again. Really. And it can be on the nights that you’re not fertile anyway. The only way sex can be intimate is if it’s authentic, and if you’re stressed, you’re stressed! So own it. Realize it’s a chore right now. And throw yourself into it being a chore. Laugh a ton, get through it, and then later, when you’re not so stressed, you can start to explore and be really intimate again.
Pair it with a Reward
If sex is become a chore, then give it a reward! Bring some chocolate truffles upstairs and eat them–before, during and after if you have to. Or tell yourselves, “we’ll try one more time tonight and then we’re going to watch another episode of Blacklist on Netflix” or something. There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that it’s gotten awkward and you just want to rush things. And then give yourselves a reward later!
Speaking of rewards, why not pair sex with a big massage session for both of you? You can even massage after sex, since sometimes before you just want to get to the main event. But help each other to totally relax. Touching each other is a great way to say, “I still love you no matter what. I still want to be with you.” It’s very intimate, even on those days when sex doesn’t feel particularly intimate. And it helps you destress!
Keep Dating and Laughing
Finally, keep spending time together outside the bedroom talking and laughing. It’s really hard for guys when we women get tense about getting pregnant, because it can seem like we really only need them as sperm machines, and then on our infertile days or when sex is over we retreat into ourselves, get sad, and push him away.
Don’t push him away! Keep emotionally close. Start a new hobby together so that you have something new to think about. Volunteer together. Go for walks together. Don’t let this be your whole life.
Remember: God knows you inside and out, and He knows His plans for you for children. But whether or not you have kids, He wants you to have an awesome marriage, and He wants you to serve Him. So throw yourself into service somewhere, like the youth group or a missions group or a soup kitchen. Cling fast to your husband. And know that whatever happens, the two of you will be okay!
Let me know in the comments: How did you stay close when trying to get pregnant? How did you keep sex fun?
If you have just started trying or have been trying for a while, Conceive Plus® fertility lubricant can help increase your chances of getting pregnant naturally! Now available from selected online retailers from just $14.99.
SASMAR Conceive Plus® sponsored this blog post. The opinions and text are all mine.