Here it is. Are you ready for it? The ONE tip that will make sex feel great.
It’s Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage. I introduce a post, and then you all can link up your own marriage posts below (please, marriage only!).
And today I thought I’d share something quick that can make a huge difference in your marriage.
Here we go.
Do you know why sex doesn’t always feel very good for women?
It’s because sex is primarily in our heads. What we’re THINKING about determines how we’re FEELING.
And that means that to feel good during sex, we have to be thinking positively about it. We have to be able to concentrate so we don’t get distracted.
A few years ago when giving my Girl Talk I explained it like this:
(I’m bringing Girl Talk all over the eastern seaboard next year. If your church may want to host me, just ask for an information packet.)
Here’s the problem. We women are multi-taskers. And our bodies don’t kick in unless our brains do first. So, if you’re counting ceiling tiles or planning a grocery list in your head, sex isn’t going to feel good. If you are lying there waiting for him to do exactly the right thing to send you over the edge, you aren’t going to feel good. Because there is nothing he CAN do if your brain isn’t engaged in the process.
So the real question isn’t what super move to do in bed. The real question is how can you get your blasted brain to stop making that grocery list? How can you stop thinking, “I really should be asleep by now. I’m going to be so tired tomorrow.” Or how can you stop thinking, “this is kinda boring. Nothing’s really happening for me right now.”
Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to tell your brain what to think about.
It’s that easy.
When you’re making love, simply ask yourself these two questions:
What feels good right now?
Where do I want to be touched right now?
Just those two questions.
Because when you ask those two questions, you start paying attention to your body. You get your brain out of the grocery list and onto more interesting parts of your anatomy. And once you do that, you may just notice that something DOES feel good. And then you can let yourself be carried away by that feeling. You can increase that feeling by directing more of his attention there. You can change position so that it feels even better.
But you keep THINKING about it.
Look, we all see these movies where the wife is doing paperwork or cleaning and he sneaks up behind her and starts feeling her and she’s carried away in raptures. But most of us know that in real life if he were to do that we wouldn’t be carried away. We’d be annoyed because our heads aren’t in the game. Our heads are in the paperwork or the cleaning and so no matter what he does it won’t feel good. We can’t concentrate on sex when we’re doing something else. Multitasking just doesn’t work for us in the sexual realm.
I think, though, that many of us feel that he SHOULD be such a good lover that we can just daydream and think about stuff in bed and somehow whatever he does will feel so good that we’re carried away anyway.
It doesn’t work like that. We have to be active participants–and that means actively thinking about it. We may want to be carried away, but we can only be carried away if we let ourselves think about it.
So try that: just ask yourself, “what feels good right now? What do I want him to touch?” And keep asking that. And you may just notice that it IS feeling good!
“Getting Your Head in the Game” is one of the challenges in my book, 31 Days to Great Sex. And there’s lots more in there to help you prepare for sex and then KEEP your head in the game, so it’s easier to feel good! Check it out today.
Have you ever noticed this phenomenon–that you can’t feel good unless you’re concentrating? Do you find it easy to concentrate–or hard? Let me know in the comments!
Now, what advice do you have for us today? Leave the URL of your marriage post (please, only marriage, no cooking) in the linky below. And then be sure to link back here so other people can read these great posts!
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