It’s Wednesday, the day when we always talk marriage! Today please welcome Julie Sibert from Intimacy in Marriage, who is sharing about creative options for alternatives to sexual intercourse, when necessary.
Being a writer and speaker about sex in marriage, I’m obviously a big fan of the one-flesh aspect of intercourse.
God clearly designed a husband’s body and a wife’s body to unite together in the intimate experience of intercourse. Though it’s not always easy to first figure out the coordination and rhythm needed to make love, nearly all married couples master it within a relatively short period of time.
But what about when intercourse is not an option, either because of medical reasons or other limiting factors? (The most obvious one for a woman would be the latter stages of pregnancy when sex may be uncomfortable or for the 6-8 weeks after childbirth. There also may be other medical conditions or injuries for a husband or wife that are not completely debilitating, but still make actual intercourse difficult).
And even when those limiting factors aren’t present, is there value in a husband and wife enjoying sexual pleasure together that doesn’t always include intercourse? Yes!
When you learn to embrace and nurture sexual arousal that is not limited to intercourse alone, the positive effects on your marriage can be profound – endearing you to each other in a way that you never would have considered otherwise.
Keep in mind, I’m not talking about completely replacing intercourse. Not at all. I’m merely saying that a husband and wife’s ability to bring each other sexual delight is a powerful privilege that simply can’t be narrowed to intercourse only.
Here are 3 suggestions for sexual pleasure beyond intercourse:
1. Use your hands.
Touch is amazing. Sadly, I think too many couples downplay or short-circuit the extent they can use their hands to bless and affirm their spouse.
Too often, sex becomes overly focused on the penis and vagina, and the couple overlooks other areas of the body that are quite responsive to touch.
When you are naked with your spouse, don’t be in a hurry to get to intercourse. (In fact, consider taking your time getting naked, possibly undressing each other sensually).
When you start caressing with your hands and fingertips, consider all parts of the body.
Some areas where sexual arousal can be enhanced through touch include the hair, scalp, face, neck, ears, arms, under the arm, sides of the chest, inner thigh, around the knees, back of knee, navel and virtually anywhere on your spouse’s backside.
As a wife, it may be extremely arousing (for you and him) when your husband lightly caresses your breasts and nipples. And for a man, he may find it incredibly exciting to have you caress his inner thighs and testicles.
Use a mix of light and firm touches, with smooth transitions. Don’t overthink it. You will do just fine if you just consider yourself on a sweet tender mission to explore every part of your spouse’s body.
Respond accordingly to how they react.
When your spouse is caressing you, give feedback. Offer specific praises or suggestions like, “I really love it when you use your fingernails on my scalp” or “That is so amazing when you lightly touch my inner thigh.”
And don’t be afraid to use your hands (and possibly a lubricant) to bring your spouse to climax. If you spend enough time caressing each other’s body, you’ll find your desire to have an orgasm will increase. Why not allow your spouse to use their hands to get you there?
Remember, you are in the exclusivity of your marriage bed, so consider it your private sexual playground to arouse each other.
2. Use your mouth.
I’m sure at first glance at this tip, you think I’m just referring to oral sex. Certainly, oral pleasure can be such a gratifying way to give and receive sexual love, but using your mouth in other ways to arouse your spouse is enjoyable to explore.
The mouth is full of numerous sensory receptors, so it’s no surprise that when you and your spouse spend more time kissing passionately, your sexual interest and arousal is bound to increase.
And don’t hesitate to use your lips and tongue on your spouse’s entire body.
3. Use your words.
How often are you sexually playful and sexually affirming in the way you speak to your spouse?
There is power in words. Are you using yours to delightfully intensify the sexual arousal between the two of you?
Discretely, yet intentionally, initiate conversations that are sexual in nature with your spouse. (These can be particularly powerful if done when your spouse is least expecting it). Whispering sweetly – and even erotically – in your spouse’s ear will likely stir their curiosity and desire in an all-consuming sort of way, creating intense anticipation.
If handled well, these conversations definitely will lead to two people in bed. And all their clothing on the floor. How delightful is that?!
With the use of your hands, mouth and words, you can heighten the sexual pleasure in your marriage, making sex about more than just intercourse.
Do you see what a difference that could make in the intimate connection you and your spouse share?
Julie Sibert writes and speaks about sexual intimacy in marriage and is the co-author of Pursuit of Passion: Discovering True Intimacy in Your Marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Omaha, Nebraska, with her husband, their two boys and one rambunctious German Shorthair Pointer dog.
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