Wifey Wednesday: Dressing Your Hubby


It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up!

Day 11.09 Ubuntu suitphoto © 2010 Frerieke | more info (via: Wylio)

 

I have an amazing husband. He’s awesome with my girls. He shows me love and affection. He cares about my feelings. He listens to my emotions. He gives me backrubs. He’s a great provider.

But he can’t get the hang of the fact that you really shouldn’t wear a white shirt with beige pants. Fashion is not his strong suit.

The other night at dinner I was looking at his pants, and they had received quite a lot of wear that day. There was dirt on them, and creases, and they were looking rather bad. But then I noticed that these were also his best dress pants. And he had them on with a few-years-old golf shirt that he likes to wear on more casual days to work.

I commented that given the number of perfectly serviceable, cotton pants are in his closet, perhaps it’s best not to wear dry-clean-only slacks with casual shirts. He laughed and says that when he gets dressed in the morning, the only question he has about pants are: are they clean? And do they fit? And if they’re not clean, but he can wipe something off, that’s good enough.

I have realized long ago that my husband will never have the fashion sense that I do. But here’s the thing: I like him looking sharp. I like him looking put together. But I have realized that I can’t rely on him to do this, because he just doesn’t get it. So now every night I get an outfit together for him and put it on his dresser for him to put on in the morning. That way, if he leaves for work early and I don’t see him until he gets home for dinner, I don’t die of embarrassment because he’s been wearing beige with white all day.

I figure you can always spot the married men in a crowd because they look put together. But it tends not to be because they know how to dress. It’s because a woman makes sure that they leave home looking presentable.

So you can complain about his fashion sense, or complain that he wears the good pants too often and wears them out, or complain that his tie doesn’t match his shirt, or you could just lay out his clothes for him.

Personally, I’d rather lay out his clothes. I like putting outfits together, and he does have nice clothes. He just can’t figure out what goes with what.

I think that when your husband looks put together, it reflects well on everybody. I used to do it years ago, but I stopped, and then that night when I noticed his dirty really-expensive pants, I realized it was time to start again. And so I do. It’s just what marriage is all about: you get to fill in the holes that he’s really bad at, and he fills in the holes that you’re really bad at. Rather than being upset at him for not “getting it”, just realize that this is who he is, and plug the hole. It’s really not a big deal. And why would we want to create someone who’s just like us?

Now, what advice do you have for us today? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks!

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Wifey Wednesday: Smiling Socks–Love from the Dresser Drawer

 

It’s Wednesday, the day when we talk marriage! I introduce a topic, and then you follow up either by commenting or by writing your own post and then linking up! This summer I’ve asked a few people to guest post to give me a bit of a break, and this Wifey Wednesday is brought to you by Cari Kaufman from Strings Attached Ministries.

This week our Marriage Champions discussion group focused a very heavy topic, you ready?….duh-duh-dun….household responsibilities. And while at first, it may seem like small potatoes in the land of marriage enrichment (I mean we are discussing difficult topics like communication, conflict management and sexual intimacy here), what we discovered is that “neglect of home and family” is second only to “mental cruelty” as a stated reason for divorce. That’s right, household responsibilities are no small potatoes in marriage.

I don’t think that revelation came as a surprise to most of the women in the room. I pray that it didn’t come as a big surprise to most of the men. Get this: it is estimated that 86% of all marital conflicts are over division of labor in the household. 86%! More than money, or disciplining kids, or sex- more arguments are over who is going to do the dishes tonight. I knew it was a big deal, but I was kind of floored by the numbers.

As we were sharing about the common stumbling blocks that interfere with a healthy relationship, there were several that caught my attention. But I think my own personal revelation as I was telling a story about socks really drove home what this whole Marriage Champions thing is all about in a nutshell. It’s about how we show love. I know, deep epiphany, right? But hang with me here.

137/365: Disappointmentphoto © 2010 Madzia Bryll | more info (via: Wylio)
Early on in our relationship, Charlie and I had a huge fight about laundry. This one was a yelling, screaming hissy fit (for my part anyway).

Over socks.

Yep, I almost walked right out the door of the home that God had made for me….over socks.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal. Charlie approached me very gently with a pair of socks in his hand. A pair of socks I had carefully smoothed, rolled and folded together with the happy little smiling face shining out at him. He said calmly and sweetly, “Hey, Sweetie, do you think that you could not fold my socks like this? It stretches the cuff and they don’t stay up as well.”

To Charlie, this was a reasonable request. He was even helping me out by lightening my load a bit…he certainly didn’t expect the total meltdown that ensued.

“I guess the way I fold socks is not good enough for you! Do you know how long it took me to do that!?”

The conversation just went downhill from there. Then I proceeded to dredge up all the other recent discussions on laundry we had had in the last few months. (He and I do it very differently, to this day.) Charlie, for his part, reeling in the shock of my explosion, disengaged. Ugh! Not a good move. Disengaging only fed my anger and we began a vicious feedback loop which only went away after a four-hour cool down period.

My point to my ramblings is this. None of that was about socks.

It was about love.

You see my Daddy was a navy man. From the time I was a little girl, I had learned to fold socks with little smiley faces. It was how he taught me, and how he liked (and still likes) his socks folded. I don’t know if my mom likes to fold socks that way, I just know that she does. Because it is not about socks…It’s about love.

When Charlie rejected the way that I folded socks, in my mind, he wasn’t rejecting the socks…he was rejecting me. My love. My service. My smiley faces. He had no idea. To him it was just a sock that wouldn’t stay up because the cuff was stretched out. To me, it was an act of love. You see, it wasn’t the tip of the iceberg (doing laundry) that sank the Titanic. It was the huge hunk of ice beneath the surface of the water (my emotional attachment to that task) that ripped the hull in two.

Of course, at the time, neither of us understood that the laundry wasn’t the issue. It wasn’t until we started to do research on healthy marriages and put the effort into understanding our relationship that we were given the tools to identify the real issues behind the seemingly little things that can hurt or build a relationship. I encourage you to do some research and soul-searching in your own marriage. You’d be surprised how many tiny little things your spouse does everyday to say, “I love you!”

Now, what advice do you have for us today? Have you struggled with differences in doing household tasks? Or do you have something else to share with us? Write your own Wifey Wednesday post that links back to here, and then leave the link of THAT POST in the Mcklinky below. Thanks!

From Army officer to stay-at-home mom to professional speaker, Cari Kaufman’s experiences give her a unique perspective into everyday life. Cari is using her ministry, Strings Attached Ministries, to bring groups and teams together to common ground to build up women’s ministry groups all over the world. Cari lives with her fabulous husband, Charlie in the heart of Northwest Arkansas and they have two amazing children, Alexander and Elizabeth.

Follow Cari on Facebook, Twitter, or visit her website for more information on booking her to speak to your group.

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Simplify Your Life Month: Laundry Organization

 


Photo by H.A.M. Photography

It’s Simplify your Life month here on To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and in my introductory post I talked about how we’d be doing three things this month: figuring out your purpose, learning to organize better, and then paring down. We spent last week on the big picture “purpose” issues, and this week I want to spend on organizing.

Here’s the warning I issued about organizing, though: I don’t think we should become tied down to any one particular system, because sometimes the system itself that we use becomes overwhelming and stops us from feeling organized. Or sometimes a system will work for a time, but you’ll lose interest, and then it’s time to find something else to recapture your interest and keep you motivated to go again!

When I asked last month what’s the one thing that you all want to organize better, the single greatest response I received was, “laundry!” So to kick off organization week, let’s tackle laundry!

Later this week we’ll also tackle scheduling kids’ chores, organizing your kitchen, and keeping communication going between you and your spouse over what needs to get done.

But let’s do laundry first!

Let me share how I do it, and then I’m going to link to other systems on the internet for your interest. Then I’d encourage the rest of you to leave your ideas in the comments! Remember, there is no one RIGHT way: when it comes to organizing, you need to find a system that works for your family, and even then you may need to keep renewing that system every few months. But no matter which system you use, one thing that is not negotiable is routine. When it’s routine, it gets done with a minimum of fuss. When it’s not routine, it doesn’t.

So here, without further adieu, are my thoughts:

Washing Routine

1. Keep laundry separated according to how you wash it. I don’t separate according to whose clothes they are, because by the time Rebecca got enough whites to do a load, she would have worn the same bra two weeks’ straight. I also find that by doing laundry everyday, we don’t need as many clothes. Since the girls are on a clothing allowance, they’ve each decided to only own two pairs of jeans. Because we do our loads together, they can make do with only two pairs more easily. If they had to wait a week between loads, it wouldn’t be as easy. So we just pile everyone’s clothes in together. Some families with teens have kids do their own loads all at once (and when I was in university I didn’t separate whites and colours; I threw them all in using cold water, and nothing really ran and the sky did not fall), but right now I just find it easier to wash everyone’s together.

I have four bins: colour, white, delicate, and hand wash. My hand wash is for lingerie and hand knit items (I knit a lot!), and delicate is for almost all sweaters and nice T-shirts. It’s probably overkill, but they rarely get really dirty, and if you wash them on delicate they last a lot longer.

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Then, every single morning, after I have my shower, I put a load on. Just before I make lunch I put that load in the dryer and I put another load on. Just before I make dinner I put the second load in the dryer, and that’s it for me in the day. Two loads of laundry usually does us sufficiently and I don’t wash on weekends. That way it’s part of my natural weekday habit. If you work outside the home, you can do the same thing. Put a load on first thing in the morning, and then another as soon as you step in the door after work.

The Folding Dilemma

Folding is far more haphazard; I fold while I take up schoolwork with the girls, or we all fold together while we talk about whatever novels they’re reading for history and get into debates. I believe in multitasking! The big thing with laundry is that you MUST fold it, or it wrinkles horribly and it sits all over your bed and your floor.

Get in the habit of washing at set times and folding at set times, and it’s much easier!

I highly envy those who live in climates where you can dry clothes outside year round. I do not live in such a place, but in the summer I’d hang the clothes out right after breakfast and right after lunch, and it always worked fine.

Getting the Laundry to the Laundry Room

As difficult as it may be to figure out how and when to wash, getting the clothes to the machine is just as much an issue. My girls each have a hamper in their closet that they are responsible for emptying. It’s part of their daily chores, and everyday, after they make their beds, they’re to empty their hamper. They’ve done it since they were four, and it works fine.

But I have a secret to admit. I don’t have a hamper. In the mornings, my husband and I throw our dirty clothes by the door to our bedroom, and then when I leave the bedroom, I scoop them up and take them to the laundry room. Isn’t that horrible? I know, one should never put clothes on the floor, but honestly, they’re never there long! I don’t mind my husband leaving his stuff there because I do, too, and it’s no more work to add his socks to the bundle of clothing I’m already carrying of my own.

Of course, there are much more elaborate systems for laundry, and if you’re looking for one, or if you’re overwhelmed because you need to do more than two loads a day, here are a few more thoughts:

1. Often the reason laundry becomes overwhelming is because we are washing things that are not really dirty. Children, especially, have a habit of throwing things in the hamper because it is easier than putting them away.

Have a conference with your family to decide your own rules on how often pants should be worn before they’re washed; how often towels can be used before they’re washed; how often sheets should be changed; how often pajamas should be changed. Personally, I wear jeans a good four times before I wash them, unless I spill something on them or I’m in a smoky place. They really don’t get dirty. Sheets we change every week, and pajamas once a week. Towels are more haphazard.

But many children change clothes several times a day, just for fun, and when they do change they throw their clothes in the hamper. By the time you discover that clean clothes are in the hamper, they’ve already mixed with wet towels, so you have no choice but to wash them. Often the reason we have so much laundry, then, is because we’re washing things that aren’t actually dirty.

So talk to your kids about how often they need to wash certain items, and if they keep putting clean clothes in the washing machine, then I’d start making it their job to wash and fold all the laundry, or making them pay $1 out of their allowance for that load of unnecessary laundry!

2. Keeping track of which clothes are whose can also be a challenge. Buy one child all green underwear and another all white. Buy one boy all grey socks and another all black socks. Try to keep the basics that we get mixed up to single colours, so that you know whose is whose. And take a permanent marker and write a child’s initials on the tag so you know whose it is. If the item is then passed down, use a different colour permanent marker.

Now, here are some other great laundry links:

Laura from Organizing Junkie just has her kids do their own loads–and loves it! No more sorting. Read her thoughts here.

If you want pictures, here’s a great post with different hampers, small and large laundry rooms, and more to give you inspiration.

One last problem: I still haven’t come up with a solution to the single sock phenomenon. But I cannot bring myself to throw out single socks. So I have a box under my bed. Here it is. Did any of you steal the mates?

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Now, what are your thoughts? How do you do laundry? Did you find a system worked better for you at a different stage in your life? Let me know in the comments, and let’s help each other!

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